


Falling in Love at a Coffee Shop

by JaeJaeBees



Category: Kpop - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, LGBTQ Character, M/M, Minor Character Death, Slow Burn, Smut, Suicide Attempt, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:40:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 85
Words: 212,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22946434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaeJaeBees/pseuds/JaeJaeBees
Summary: This story is cross-posted on my AFF account username alottastuff.Mark is dating Jeno.Johnny is not gay.Johnny might possibly be falling for Johnny.I'm so bad at summaries, but let's see if I can give it a go.Mark and Johnny meet by happenstance of fate (Mark gets a job at the place Johnny works also). It's a quirky little bookshop/coffee shop with a cast of hilarious and diverse employees. Despite Mark's relationship with Jeno, he finds himself crushing on his new best friend Johnny. There's just one problem. As Johnny likes to remind everyone constantly he is #notgay.Between Mark's totally-not-abusive relationship with Jeno, his growing feelings for #notgay Johnny, and the antics of the rest of the employees, Mark and Johnny attempt to navigate their growing friendship and their own lives. Mark is hopeless, Johnny has secrets, and somehow Mark is starting to think that Johnny isn't as #notgay as he seems to claim.
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas, Lee Taeyong/Nakamoto Yuta, Mark Lee/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 246
Kudos: 335





	1. 1 - These titles may or may not have something to do with the story

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Back for the first time in forever, this time cross-posting a JohnMark story that I'm writing on AFF. (go there to read all my other kpop related fics!) This story is gonna be super angsty, with some smut and some fluff thrown in for good measure. But please be advised that it does have some Abuse and non-con elements in it. I've chosen to put notes at the beginning of chapters so that I can warn you guys when those things come up, just in case it's something you're sensitive about because I want you all to enjoy this story, but I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable either. That being said, this story is heavily filled with characters from the LGBTQ+ community. There are gay, bi, and pansexual people. There is also a trans original character (I love her with my whole entire heart) but this story also has some homophobic and transphobic topics. I love you all, please leave lots of comments!

Rain splattered against the windows of the coffee shop, playing a melancholy beat. It fit the mood in the little shop, a tiny coffee house attached to a similarly tiny bookstore. Johnny leaned against the counter, tapping his fingers to the beating of the storm. It was only two in the afternoon, but they sky made it seem like nighttime.   
“At least it means we won’t have any customers.” Taeyong, Johnny’s coworker at the coffee shop, was counting out supplies in the fridge and writing numbers on a clipboard. “And could you please stop that tapping? It’s annoying.”  
“Sorry.” Johnny stretched, pulling his hands away from the counter. “Do you think we should just call it a day and close up early?”  
Taeyong turned to look at Johnny. “You’re really asking me that?”  
Johnny’s lips turned up in a playful grin. “You are the manager.”  
“And you’re the owner.”  
“No. That’s my parents. I just work here.”  
Taeyong shrugged. “Still, we can’t just go closing early because it’s raining. What if there’s a customer?”  
Johnny motioned towards the large oak door. “Who’s going to decide to come book shopping in this storm?”  
Just as he asked, the door slammed open with tremendous force. A small boy tumbled through it, raincoat and umbrella tumbling across the floor as he spun and attempted to shut the door again before too much wind and rain destroyed the inside of the shop.   
“Shut up.” Johnny hissed before his manager could even say anything to him.   
The boy pulled himself upright and stumbled around to gather his things. Johnny watched him, amused. He had curly blonde hair beneath the hood of his tacky yellow raincoat. When he took it off, Johnny could see that the bulk of it was a backpack the boy had hidden under the coat. He could also see, quite clearly that this boy must be extremely young. He frowned.  
“Jailbait, dude.” Taeyong whispered in his ear.   
Johnny shot Taeyong a glare. “Not gay, dude.”  
He spun and gave a pleasant smile to the boy. “Hi, Welcome in. What can we do for you today?”  
The boy looked up at him with wide, round eyes. “I’m not late, am I?”  
“Late?”  
“I’m supposed to start working here today.” The boy spoke so quickly, Johnny almost didn’t catch his words. “My name’s Mark, by the way. I was hired part time to work in the bookstore. I think I was supposed to be here an hour ago, but the storm was crazy and my boy- my roommate refused to give me a ride and the bus was late so I had to run here. Please tell me I’m not late?”  
Johnny just blinked at the boy, a little bit shocked. It took him a while to process everything that was said to him. Mark stood in front of him, shifting from foot to foot nervously.   
“You’re the new guy?” Taeyong came up to save him, having seen Johnny’s complete inability to deal with the human version of a hyper chihuahua. “Are you sure? You look a little young to be working.”

Mark pouted. He was used to this; he knew he looked a lot younger than he was. “I’m Twenty. I’m also in University, which is why I’m only working part time. And I was very lucky to be able to get this job because of my weird schedule and it’s the only place close enough to walk to that would hire me and I really just can’t mess this up and I need to shut up now.”  
Mark bit his lower lip, peaking up at the two boys. Both were insanely attractive and Mark had nearly spilled that he had a boyfriend when he got distracted by the man behind the counter. He didn’t know his name, but he was tall and he was pretty and Mark definitely didn’t need to be telling strangers that he was gay. Last stranger who found out, well, Mark had ended up in the hospital.   
“You’ve got quite a bit of energy, don’t you?” The man with the clipboard spoke. He was just a little shorter than the other man and his hair was a lighter shade of brown. He was very pretty, with sharp elven features. “My name is Taeyong, and this is Johnny. We work in the coffee shop. Don’t worry, this place is really laid back and they won’t mind if you were a little late because of the storm. The Bookshop manager is Yuta, he’s around somewhere. Let Johnny make you something to warm you up while I go get him.”  
“Th… thank you.” Mark nodded. He watched the brunette slip out from behind the counter, give the other a wink, and then disappear between the aisles of books.   
“So, what do you like?” Mark turned around to see Johnny leaning against the counter. He wasn’t dressed like a typical barista. He wore a white tee-shirt and a black leather jacket.   
“Um…” Mark shuffled. “I can’t really pay right now…”  
He nearly blushed at the amused expression that fell on the older boy’s face – because Mark was absolutely certain he was older. “Drinks are free for employees.”  
“In that case…” Mark hid his blush. “May I have a cappuccino?”  
“Coming right up.” Mark imagined Johnny gave him a wink before he disappeared behind a large set of machines. “So you’re in university, huh?”  
“Oh, yeah.” Mark leaned against the counter. “What about you?”  
“Nah.” He heard the man laugh as he worked on the machines. “School wasn’t for me.”  
Mark didn’t know what to say in response. The machine suddenly whirred loudly, and after a moment went quiet again.   
“What are you studying?”  
“I’m Pre-Med.” Mark answered.   
A cup appeared in front of him and he looked up. Johnny was looking at him with an intense gaze and he couldn’t seem to look away from it.   
“You must be pretty smart then?” Johnny mirrored Mark’s position, leaning against the counter.   
Mark shrugged. “I’m average, I guess. I just try to do my best.”  
“Hey, Mark!” Taeyong’s voice distracted both of them, just as Mark picked up his drink. He turned around to find the Coffee Shop Manager dragging another boy through the store by the hand.  
This man was just as pretty as Taeyong, his long silver hair framing his defined features like some kind of an angel.  
“This is Yuta, the Bookshop Manager.” Taeyong introduced them, lacing his fingers with the other boy.   
“He’s also Taeyong’s girlfriend.” Johnny grinned.   
Mark nearly dropped his drink, wide eyed. “Wh..what?”  
Taeyong frowned. “You don’t have a problem with that, do you?”  
Mark shook his head. “No, no. I just…” He dropped his eyes to his drink. “I’m not used to people being so open about…that kind of thing.”  
“That’s just how we do here.” Johnny shrugged. “To be real, I’m pretty sure that aside from the actual owners of this place –“  
“Johnny’s parents own the coffee shop and Yuta’s parents own the bookstore.” Taeyong interrupted.   
“Anyways.” Johnny glared. “Aside from them, I’m the only one that works here who isn’t gay.”  
Oh. Of course. Mark would let his heart get all aflutter because of the only straight one.   
“So, you’re the new hire?” Yuta asked. Mark nodded. “Come with me, you can bring your drink. We can get all your paperwork done and then I can show you around. I doubt we’ll get any customers in this storm, so it’s really the best time to get as much training done as we can.”   
Mark nodded, waving to the two they left behind in the coffee shop. The bookstore took up a much larger part of the shop than the coffee part. There were long, winding aisles of books of all types. Large, leather-books that looked handwritten and new, hardbacked books with laminate covers and pictures of movie adaptations. There were chairs and tables littered around to sit in and read.   
In the very back of the store, they walked through a door that read ‘Employees Only.’  
“This is the back office.” Yuta explained. They walked into a small hallway with doors on each side and one at the far end. “That one down there leads to the back ally. It stays locked at all times and we only use it to take out the trash anyway. This one is the break room.”  
He opened the first door on the left. It opened to a rather large room with a full kitchen against the far wall, a set of lockers on the opposite. There was a television, a folding table with some plastic chairs, and a rather old looking couch.   
Yuta shut the door and opened the next one on the right. It was a bathroom with two stalls and a pedestal sink and a huge mirror.   
“That one is the Coffee Shop’s office.” Yuta pointed to the other door on the right. “We don’t go in there because we don’t deal with the coffee shop. They’re their own business.”  
Yuta opened up the last door, revealing a rather untidy office. It had plenty of space, but most of the walls were lined with filing cabinets. There was a futon folded up into a couch behind a big oak desk that was littered in all kinds of paperwork. Yuta climbed over a stack of boxes with a label showing a book title and a big red sticker stating not to put them on shelves until October 18. He nearly fell into the rolling chair and pulled himself back up into the desk.   
Mark sat in the office with Yuta for what seemed like hours before all the paperwork was finally completed. Then he followed him around the rest of the store and tried to remember everything that he was being told. Yuta was very thorough in explaining things, and he was a very good teacher when it came to showing Mark how things worked.   
It was nearing on six in the evening when Yuta finally paused. “You should take your break.”  
“Oh…” Mark looked around, his eyes catching Johnny and Taeyong playing what looked like a game of volleyball across the coffee shop counter using a blown-up rubber glove as a ball. “I didn’t bring anything to eat.”  
“That’s alright.” Yuta chuckled. “My mom keeps the fridge in the breakroom stocked. Oh, speaking of, sometimes you’ll have homeless people walk in with these little red cards. Mom gives them out. When someone hands you one, you come back to the breakroom, get a plate, grab one of those bags” They had actually gone back to the break room and Mark saw a pile of plastic bags filled with stuff he hadn’t noticed before. “And you give them the bag and the food. No questions asked.”  
Yuta went to the fridge and opened it, grabbed a take out box and handed it to Mark. “You can heat it up in the microwave.”  
“Thank you.” Mark felt awkward accepting the handouts, but his stomach was starting to hurt. He hadn’t eaten since breakfast, before he left for classes. He didn’t have any money for lunch and he hadn’t gone home after school because he knew that his boyfriend, Jeno, would be there. And he tried to avoid him as much as possible these days.  
“What’s up?!” Johnny burst through the door, making Mark jump and shriek. “Whoa! Sorry.”  
Mark pressed a hand to his chest, cheeks heating up. “S... sorry. I…um…I startle easy.”  
“Good to know.” Johnny was suddenly much more subdued, sitting down quietly onto the couch.   
“Who won?” Yuta asked, without even looking up from inside the fridge where he was shuffling around for his own food.   
“I did.” Taeyong dipped into the room and pulled Yuta into a back hug.  
Mark looked away and pulled his food out of the microwave, sitting down at the table to quietly eat his food. He’d already embarrassed himself enough for one day.   
“So how are you liking it today?” Taeyong pulled Yuta down onto the couch, the silver haired boy holding a sandwich in his hands.   
“It’s been really good.” Mark muttered between bites. “Everything takes some getting used to.”  
“Particularly the staff.” Johnny chuckled. “You haven’t met DoYoung, Jaena, Haechan, or Lucas yet.”   
“Oh?”  
Yuta nodded. “Jaena, Lucas, and DoYoung work with us in the bookstore half of the shop. Haechan is the other barista. He’s usually here when Taeyong or Johnny’s parents aren’t.”  
“Oh.” Mark shoved another bite of food in his mouth. “Are they all as nice as you guys?”  
Johnny shrugged. “Lucas takes some getting used to. He’s very…all over the place. But his boyfriend Ten who comes in a lot is really sweet. Not Gay.” Johnny shot Taeyong a glare before the other could even say anything.   
Taeyong pouted. “You keep saying that and I keep refusing to believe you.”  
“The others?” Mark turned to Yuta, unsure about how to take Taeyong and Johnny’s teasing each other. He’d never had friends he could joke around with like that before. When he’d come out, all of his friends had ditched him. Even his parents had kicked him out.   
“Jaena’s really quiet. She’ll come off really cold, but she’s actually a sweetheart.” Yuta explained.   
“Just don’t do anything to piss her off.” Taeyong interrupted again.   
“Why not?”  
“The last person who pissed her off ended up in the hospital.”  
“Why?” Mark’s eyes widened in shock.   
Yuta shoved his sandwich in Taeyong’s mouth to shut him up. Mark noticed that Johnny was suddenly looking very uncomfortable.   
“She found out my ex was cheating on me. Things got out of hand when she confronted my ex and Jaena sort of…threw them through a window.” Johnny explained, looking anywhere but at any of them.   
“We only just got the glass replaced last week.” Yuta shot a glare at Taeyong for bringing it up. He decided the change the subject and brought up the last employee. “There’s also DoYoung. I suggest you be really careful about him. He won’t care whether you like guys or not, he’s going to try to get into your pants at some point. Well, unless you’re in a relationship. He respects stuff like that.”  
“Oh.”  
“And Haechan. He’s kind of like a puppy.” Taeyong added.   
“Any questions?” Yuta asked.   
“Just…one.” Mark spoke softly. “Are the others as attractive as you guys are?”  
All the of them choked, but he couldn’t tell if it was shock or amusement. After a moment, though, Johnny was able to collect himself enough to respond.   
“One, you think we’re attractive? All of us? Really?” He wiped a tear from his eye. “Second, I guess they’re all pretty attractive.” He sat back up, eyes twinkling. “Third, why does it matter?”  
Mark just shrugged, swallowing another bit of food. “I just thought… if everyone that works here is as good looking as the three of you I might… might not fit in.”


	2. 2 - Pink Camellias mean 'longing for you' Purple Hyacinths mean 'forgive me' Irises mean 'I value our friendship' just so you guys no these things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just FYI not all of the chapters will be in both character's POVS and I'm REALLY bad at proof-reading so if words or spelled wrong or I used the wrong name or pronoun at any given point, feel free to tell me so that I can correct it. <3

Johnny had probably enjoyed this shift more than any other. The rain kept all but one customer away the entire shift. The girl had needed to buy a copy of a book for a report due the next day and she’d lost her book. She had sat for a cup of tea and then darted back into the storm. The new guy had made things very interesting as well.   
After his first introduction to the kid – and Johnny really needed to stop calling him a kid because he was an actual adult – Johnny had quickly gotten used to his hyper behavior. He watched him dart around the store, following Yuta around with his wide eyes and smiling face. He’d gotten caught staring more than once and teased by Taeyong.   
The shift had ended sooner than Johnny had expected. Taeyong and Yuta nearly flew out the door, bundled together in Taeyong’s heavy raincoat. Johnny played with his keys while he waited for Mark to finish gathering his things. The last hour of the shift, he’d pulled out his textbooks and started doing some extremely complicated looking biology problems while Johnny read a magazine. Taeyong and Yuta had disappeared, and Johnny had an idea where they were, but he’d shrugged off Mark’s questions. They boy looked too innocent to know the managers were hooking up in the back office.  
“Hey.” Johnny finally spoke up while he watched Mark try to sort out his raincoat over his backpack. “Let me give you a ride home. It’s raining way too hard for you to walk.”  
“No, that’s okay.” The smile faltered curiously on the boy’s face.   
“I insist.” Johnny urged. Something just didn’t sit right in his stomach about letting Mark go home walking in the rain.   
Mark seemed to consider for a moment, eyeing the harsh rains outside the window. With a deep breath, he sighed and nodded.   
“I guess it can’t be helped.”  
Johnny pressed his lips together, wondering what the expression on the other boy’s face could mean. He looked worried, almost afraid. He wasn’t scared of Johnny, was he? He hadn’t thought he’d done anything to make the younger boy scared of him. He’d apologized for startling him in the break room earlier.   
Johnny pushed the door open for Mark and locked it quickly behind them. Mark had his coat pulled tight around his face to protect him from the wind. Johnny had grabbed a plastic poncho from the basket near the door and it didn’t work nearly as well. He’d been unprepared for the rain.   
“This way!” He grabbed Mark’s hand without much thought and started to drag him through the parking lot, running to his car.   
Mark’s fingers, wet with rain, were unusually soft, Johnny thought as they slipped from his hand once they reached the car. He clicked a button on his keys and the door unlocked. He darted into the driver’s seat while Mark fell into the passengers. The younger stared around the interior with wide eyes.   
“Wow, your car is really nice.” He muttered.  
“Thanks.” Johnny smiled. “It’s a Porsche. It was a gift from my parents when I graduated High School.”  
Mark’s smile faltered again. “They must be very proud of you.”  
Johnny shrugged, his concern for the smaller boy growing. Mark was a very kind boy, but when it was just the two of them talking, Johnny could feel a deep sadness radiating from him. He didn’t like it.   
“I think they would have preferred that I went to college, but they treat me well. What about your parents?”  
Mark picked at his fingers while Johnny started up the engine and turned the heat on to warm them up.   
“I haven’t spoken to my parents in three years.” He admitted, his voice wavered. “They…didn’t agree with some of my decisions and decided I wasn’t their son anymore.”  
“Oh.” Johnny frowned. “I’m sorry.”  
“It’s okay.” Mark put on a bright smile. “The granny at the convenience store near my house sometimes gives me free drinks because she thinks I’m an orphan.”  
Johnny couldn’t help but laugh at that. Despite the sad past Mark had, he still tried to make light of the situation. His face sobered after a moment though. “Still, I couldn’t imagine what it would be like not to have my parents.”  
“I got used to it.” Mark shrugged. “It’s…” He paused, as if he were unsure about his next sentence. “It’s not like I’m alone.”  
“Oh?” Johnny’s eyebrow quirked up. “You’re in a relationship then?”  
Mark bit his lips and nodded. “I’m not supposed to tell anybody, though. So please keep it a secret?”  
“Not supposed to tell?”  
Mark looked down at his hands again. “He isn’t ready for people to know he’s…”  
“Gay?” Johnny finished the sentence.  
Mark nodded.   
There was a silence in the car for a while. Johnny didn’t really know what to say because most of the things he would say to someone in that situation weren’t things he felt comfortable telling to a near stranger, but Mark had trusted him enough to confide in him and he also didn’t know how to feel about that.   
“So, where do you live?” Johnny finally broke the silence, reversing out of the parking spot.   
Mark perked up, obviously glad for the change of subject. He gave Johnny directions to his house. He knew the area. It wasn’t as nice as where Johnny lived, but it was an okay place. There were worse in the neighborhood.   
“Could you please let me out at the store?” Mark had started to fidget the closer they got to the complex, his nervousness rising.   
“In this rain?” Johnny asked. “Do you need to get something?”  
Mark shook his head. “I just…I can walk from here, okay?”  
Johnny didn’t want to press it. Mark looked like he was about to panic and so Johnny pulled the car to the curb and threw on the parking brake.  
“Are you okay, Mark?” He asked.  
Mark nodded. “Of course! Will I see you tomorrow?”  
Johnny nodded. “I’ll be in at some point.”  
“Okay, thanks for the ride!” Mark was out of his car before Johnny could even say goodbye.   
He waited, parked on the side of the road, until he watched Mark walk in the front doors of the apartment complex. 

Mark held his bag tightly in front of him as he walked into his dimly lit apartment. He held his bag tightly to his chest and his raincoat was rolled up with the wet part on the inside. He placed it neatly in a bin beside the door and took of his shoes.   
“You’re home, then?” A cold voice called as he passed the kitchen.   
The apartment was small, an entranceway that lead into a living area. There was a hallway leading to a single bedroom and a bathroom, and an archway separated the kitchen from the rest of the living area.   
“Jeno.” Mark smiled. “Yes, I’m home.”  
“Your last class ended at one.” Jeno was sitting at the kitchen table, beer in hand, glaring at Mark.   
Mark sat his bag down in the chair in the corner. One leg was propped up on a brick to keep the chair steady. The broken shards of the chair leg were still littering the floor. He pushed them to the side with his foot and approached his boyfriend, his stomach doing flips.   
“I told you that I was starting my first day of work today.” Mark tried to speak softly, already aware that Jeno was in a bad mood.   
“I thought you were joking.” Jeno glared. “What do you even need a job for? Don’t I give you everything that you need?”   
Mark reached out to touch his boyfriend’s shoulder, but Jeno shook him off, frowning. He stood up and swayed. So, not his first drink, then, Mark thought. “You know it’s not like that.”  
Jeno dropped the empty bottle into the sink where it clinked against more. “Then tell me, what’s it like?”  
Mark followed him around the kitchen and into the living room before the large man finally turned around and looked him in the eyes. “You know I’m not going to leave you.”  
“Do I?” Jeno crossed his arms over his chest. He was an imposing sight, despite being younger than Mark. He was taller and more muscular and infinitely more attractive. When he wasn’t being an insecure jerk, he was sweet. Mark just had to make it through his tantrums first.  
“Yes.” Mark ran a hand through his hair. “Of course, you do. Do you think I’d move to an entirely new country just to be with someone I was planning on leaving?”  
Jeno’s frown turned into a genuine pout. He looked away from Mark again. “You only stay because you’ve got nowhere else to go. As soon as you start making money, you’re going to move out and leave me.”  
“That’s not true.” Mark tried again.   
Jeno reached for him, grabbing his wrist and pulling the smaller to him. There was an angry fire in his eyes. “Don’t lie to me, Mark. You don’t think I didn’t see you get out of that fancy car up the street? Who is he?”  
“Jeno, you’re hurting me.” Mark squeaked, trying to pull his arms away, but this only made the younger man grab tighter. Nails dug into his flesh, stinging as they drew blood. “Stop it.”  
“Who was he?!” Jeno yelled.   
“Just a coworker.” Mark’s voice seemed to go smaller the more the larger man’s voice grew. “He’s my boss’s son and he offered to give me a ride home because it’s raining. That’s all.”  
Jeno stared at Mark for a long while in silence. Mark just tried not to flinch and waited for Jeno’s anger to fade. Once he saw the expression fade from the younger’s face, he placed his free hand on Jeno’s cheek.   
“You know I love you.” Mark whispered. “I’d never cheat on you and I’d never leave you. I love you.”  
“Then why do you need a job?” Jeno’s voice sounded more like a sniffle now than rage. Mark could hear how broken the boy was and it broke his heart.   
“Because I want to help.” His thumb brushed the younger’s cheek. “You’ve done so much for me. You helped me get my scholarships to get into school, you gave me a place to live when my parents disowned me, you work so hard and you pay all the bills and you’ve given up your chance to go to college for me to have mine. I just…I want to at least be able to have my own money so that I can buy you delicious food and take you out on dates.”  
“Really?”  
Mark reached up and pressed his lips against the younger boy’s. “Really. Now please, can you let go? I can’t feel my fingers.”  
Jeno looked down at their hands, as if he hadn’t even realized he’d still been holding on to Mark’s arm. An expression of terror fell over his face when he saw the blood and the bruise forming. “Oh…oh no. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to…”  
Mark kissed Jeno’s lips again. “It’s fine. It was an accident.”  
“You don’t hate me?”  
“No.” Mark pecked Jeno’s lips again. “I don’t hate you.”  
Jeno smiled, pulling Mark more gently into a deeper kiss. When he pulled away, he looked at the older boy with puppy dog eyes. “You’re really not going to leave me?”  
Mark shook his head. “No. I promise. I’m not leaving you. I’m sorry that I upset you.”  
“So, you’ll quit your job?” He asked hopefully.  
“No.” Mark pressed another kiss to Jeno’s lips. “But let me make it up to you for upsetting you, yeah?”  
“Yeah?” Jeno let Mark lace their fingers together and tug him towards the bedroom.   
“Yeah.” Mark gave a coy smirk. “I’ll even let you do that thing you like.”  
Jeno eyes widened like he’d just been given the best gift ever. Mark turned away as he pulled his boyfriend into their shared bedroom. He was tired, but rest and a bath would have to wait. Jeno was a big emotional train wreck, but he was Mark’s emotions train wreck. One kinky night in bed should be enough to keep Jeno in a good mood for the rest of the week, Mark hoped.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS NON-CON ELEMENTS PLEASE BE ADVISED
> 
> Also, since I've already uploaded like 20 chapters on AFF, I'm going to just dumpload all of those here so that I can post the same chapter in both places at the same time instead of keeping up with what chapter I'm on in both sites.

The bed in the room was a mattress on the floor. The frame had broken months ago, and they hadn’t bothered to buy a new one yet. Mark knelt in the middle with a blindfold tight around his face. He was completely naked except for the silver cords that wrapped around his torso and arms, keeping them bound behind him. The cord was soft but left red marks in his skin where it was knotted.   
He could hear Jeno in the room, shuffling through some things and he tried to keep as quiet as possible. Mark had never been into this kind of stuff, had never known what it was until he’d met Jeno, but the younger boy had always been interested. Mark agreed, but rarely. He just wanted Jeno to be happy. Everything was also so good when he was happy.   
“Here it is.” Jeno muttered. Mark didn’t know what he’d found or where it had been. He couldn’t see anything, and it terrified him. He thought maybe, that’s what Jeno got off on the most. Mark being afraid.  
Suddenly, he was being pushed forward. Jeno had grabbed the ropes between his arms and shoved him forward, slamming his face into the mattress and exposing his ass in the air. Mark yelped at the surprise but received a sharp slap on the ass in response.   
“I thought I told you to keep quiet.” Jeno growled.   
“Sorry.” Mark muttered and bit his lips together.   
Jeno rubbed the stinging cheek and pressed a kiss to it before he spread both of Mark’s cheeks apart, exposing the red hole. Something warm and wet dripped on him and he forced himself to stay still. Then something cold and hard pressed against his hole and his body began to shake.   
“Shhh.” Jeno rubbed Mark’s lower back, his voice trembling in awe. “Just relax and take it all in.”  
Mark tried to relax, he took a deep breath and prepared himself, but as Jeno shoved the toy into his unprepared, spit-slicked hole, he couldn’t help but to scream out in pain.   
Jeno grabbed hard at the rope, pulling Mark up by his torso. This changed the angle of the toy inside him and stretched him more. He whimpered again. Tears wet the blindfold.   
“Be a good boy and shut the fuck up.” Jeno grabbed Mark by the neck, squeezing tight. Mark’s lips trembled. Then, there was something in his mouth. He didn’t know what it was, but it tasted like cloth. Jeno shoved as much of the material into his mouth as he could.   
Mark whimpered helplessly as Jeno dropped him face first back onto the bed, leaving him to figure out how to balance on his own with his arms tied behind himself while Jeno went back to playing with his hole. Mark had nearly gotten used to the feeling of the stretch inside of him until Jeno started moving the toy inside of him.   
Jeno perched himself behind Mark, sitting on his legs so that the older boy couldn’t move away. He pulled the toy, whatever it was, out and then plunged it back in. Each time, Mark’s body shook and jerked only to come right back to where he was pinned. Then the toy went inside and suddenly Mark recognized what it was. He felt something swell inside of him and whimpered, biting hard into whatever was in his mouth.   
The toy in him grew larger, expanding inside of him. Mark squirmed. It hurt, it hurt too much. Tears stained his blindfold and his whimpers could be heard through the gag in his mouth. He tried to hold his breath and endure it. He promised Jeno he could have this. Mark could handle it. It always felt good when this part was over, he reminded himself. He knew their sign to stop, but he didn’t use it. He could endure.   
It felt like an eternity the thing was inside of him, growing with every squeeze from the pump in Jeno’s hand, until Mark was sure that his insides were all flat. Everything inside of him had been shoved out of the way to make room for the butt plug ballooning inside of him.   
When he was sure that he couldn’t take it just one more moment, his body writhed and twitched, his erection throbbed despite the ache, like a pin popping a balloon, the thing inside of him deflated. His entire body collapsed in relief. He heard Jeno through the ringing in his ears, whispering sweet words of how good he was, how well he’d done.   
Mark didn’t feel very good. His body felt like it was going to collapse and he just wanted this to be over with. His senses were in overload. He couldn’t see anything, his ears were buzzing too much to hear, his mouth was stuffed with something that tasted like fabric and salt, and every nerve ending he had was standing at attention and trembling.   
The toy inside of him slipped out and in its place, he felt more warm saliva coat his hole. Jeno pulled his legs apart, situating him exactly like the larger wanted him. Then he pushed a finger into Mark’s abused hole, then another, then another. Mark could feel his muscles trembling as Jeno stretched him apart, it felt like the boy had put his entire fist into Mark’s abused hole with only three fingers.   
It felt like eternity before Mark felt Jeno’s sharp nails dig into his waist. He felt the younger’s erection press against his sore hole and then he was full again. This. This felt much better to Mark. He hated the toys, hated the ropes and the gags and the blindfolds, but this, the feeling of his boyfriend inside of him, this made all the rest of it worth it.   
It took a while for him to get adjusted to the new sensation, but after a while, he was trying to rock back against Jeno. His whimpers of pain from before had turned to pleasure and it didn’t take long for either of them to reach their climax.   
Jeno pulled out of Mark. Mark fell onto his side with a soft whimper. Jeno pressed a kiss to his neck and Mark could feel Jeno starting to undo all the knots. It was a relief to be able to move his arms again and he rotated the kinks out of his shoulders gently while waiting for Jeno to remove the blindfold and gag.   
The gag came out first and Jeno pressed a passionate kiss to Mark’s lips. Then the blindfold and Mark blinked against the bright lights of the room. Jeno was smiling softly down at him, a dazed glaze on his eyes.   
“I love you.” He kissed Marks lips.  
“I love you too.” Mark smiled tired and let Jeno snuggle up to him.   
His eyes gazed around the room and landed on the black blindfold. Next to it lay the used inflatable butt plug, still covered in Mark’s insides. And next to that, the gag. Jeno’s underwear. Mark felt his stomach churn.   
“Did you…gag me with your used underwear?” He whimpered.  
He felt Jeno nod from behind him. “I was planning on seducing you after work, but you never came home. So, I just watched some porn. I figured a pair of cum stained underwear was as good a gag as any.”  
Mark whined. “That’s so gross.”  
“Where are you going?” Jeno whined, trying to pull Mark back down as he shuffled.   
Mark was able to roll himself out of Jeno’s grasp and turn to look at him. “I’m going to brush my teeth and have a long hot bath. I’m sore, everywhere.”  
Jeno gave a huff, but he was smiling. “Have fun then. I think I’m just going to lay here a while longer. Maybe take a nap.”  
Jeno’s eyes were already shut by the time Mark was able to force himself to stand up. His shoulder clicked when he moved his left arm and his knees were weak. He supported himself with the wall until he was out in the hallway and then he flung himself into the bathroom.   
He barely made it to the toilet before he wretched into the bowl. The thought of used underwear in his mouth made him wretch. Once his stomach was empty, he pulled himself up and gargled with mouthwash. Then, he was finally able to run himself a bath.   
He looked over his body while he sat in the relaxing hot water. There were bruises up his arms where the rope had dug into him, and the handprint on his wrist, though the bleeding had stopped. His shoulder would be sore into the next day, even with soaking. He was just lucky that his hole wasn’t bleeding this time. Sometimes that happened.   
Mark fell asleep in the water, only stirring when he felt something warm and fuzzy wrap around him and lift him up. A small pressure of lips hit the top of his head. He heard Jeno whispering sweet words into his ear, but he didn’t want to wake from him sleep. His body ached and he fought to stay in the comfortable dreamworld.   
When Mark did finally wake up, it was to the ringing of his alarm the next morning. Jeno had gathered him from his bath and dressed him in some comfy pajamas and placed him on the bed. Mark pulled himself up, sniffing at the air. He could smell something delicious cooking. Bacon and eggs.   
His legs weren’t much sturdier beneath him than the night before, but he didn’t need to hold the wall to limp his way into the kitchen. Jen turned around and gave him a bright smile. He had a pan in his hands and was dropping some freshly cooked slices of thick bacon next to pancakes and eggs.   
“I made you breakfast before you had to go to school.”  
“Thank you.” Mark smiled as Jeno kissed the top of his head and sat the plate down in front of him. “You also cleaned, I see.”  
Jeno nodded. “I got up earlier this morning and I tidied up a bit. It was starting to get messy in here.”  
“Where’s the broken chair?” Mark glanced to the corner where the old chair, the one held up by the brick, was no longer sitting.   
Jeno shrugged. “The broken chair wasn’t worth anything so I threw it out.”  
Mark nodded. “Thank you, Jeno. This was very thoughtful of you.”  
Jeno sat down in the chair next to Mark and gave him the brightest smile that melted Mark’s heart. “I just wanted to do something nice for you, because I know I was a total butthole yesterday and you were still the best person ever and I don’t know why you put up with me.”   
“Because even thought you’re an emotional brat, you’re my emotional brat and I love you.” Mark smiled, but he didn’t feel it in his heart. He just felt the aches from the night before. He loved Jeno, he truly did. He was just tired.   
“And you’re not going to leave me?” He asked again.   
“No.” Mark shoved some food into his mouth. “I’m not going to leave you just because I got a job. It just means that I’m going to be out of the house longer a few nights every week. Sometimes, you won’t even notice cause you’ll be working too.”  
Jeno nodded. “I love you.”  
Mark smiled, chewing slowly. He’d decided he would wear a sweater that day.


	4. 4 - I'm like ten chapters ahead writing the story compared to the chapter I post...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm having frito pie for dinner. I really don't know what to say about these chapters. What are some of you guy's favorite pairings? I've got so many one-shot ideas and not enough pairings to put them to.
> 
> Also, is anybody else also a STAY? Cause I need to unload my emotions about Chan.

The entire day Mark was hyper aware of how much pain his body was in. Jeno had given Mark some painkillers and given him a ride to school before he headed to his shift at the office he worked at. Limping across the campus was miserable, holding tight to his books, and the medicine had worn off before lunch.   
He found himself looking forward to his shift at the bookstore. He knew that it would be miserable when every move he made caused some part of his body to ache. Still, he kept thinking about his new coworkers and how much fun they were to be around.   
Jeno had given him some spending money that morning. It made Mark feel bad about how annoyed he’d been with the boy the day before. Jeno really did try, he knew, but he was still young and he was insecure and had a bit of a temper, too. Mark stopped at the store on campus and used the money to buy himself a bowl of instant ramen and a bottle of juice to take to work with him.   
He caught the bus and limped the block to the bookshop. This time, he was able to get a good look at it from the outside. The previous day, it had been storming so hard that all he’d thought about was getting inside where it was dry. It was a small building tucked between two larger office units. One sign hung above the heavy wooden door with the names of the bookshop and coffee shop both on it. There was one big window with a display full of books.   
The door jingled when he walked in. A new face from behind the counter of the coffee shop gave him a smile. He was exactly what Mark had thought he would be, small and adorable with soft features and orange hair. He could see why the others called him a puppy. He was also upsettingly pretty.   
“Hi! Welcome in, how may I help you?” Mark assumed this was Haechan.   
“Oh. Hi. I’m Mark.”  
“You’re the new guy Yuta Hyung said started today. Nice to meet you. I’m Haechan.” The boy gave him a bright smile.   
“Is Yuta around?” Mark asked, his eyes sweeping the shop. There were a few people sitting at tables in the coffee shop, but the bookstore seemed deserted.   
“Oh yeah.” Haechan waved towards the rows of books. “He’s in the back, sorting books. You can just head that way and you’ll see him.”  
Mark nodded. “Thank you, Haechan.”  
The boy nodded and went back to his work. Mark shoved his backpack up his shoulder some more and started between the aisles. Yuta was kneeling on the floor with a cart beside him, moving around some books on one of the lower shelves. He grinned when he saw Mark approaching.   
“Oh, thank god you’re here!” Yuta breathed a sigh of relief. “You can go put your stuff in the breakroom, just pick an empty locker, and then you can help me finish putting these books away.”  
Mark did as he was told and by the time he returned, Yuta had a second cart of books. Mark pushed the cart down an aisle and started sorting the books. He had fought against asking if Johnny was going to be there. Mark felt awkward, since he’d just met the other man the day before, but he could already tell that Johnny would be a good friend.   
It took Mark nearly three hours, between reorganizing shelves and stopping to work the cash register and answer the phone, to put away all the books on the shelf. He was just putting up the last few copies of one of the language learning books when Yuta walked up to him from behind. He’d been in such a daze, doing to the work with his mind swapping between wondering if Johnny really would be in that day and what he needed to do to finish his school report due the next week, that he hadn’t noticed the sleeve of his sweater had come up his arm.   
“Dude, what the hell is that?” Yuta grabbed Mark’s arm as he reached up to put one of the book on a higher shelf. He pulled Mark around and looked at the bruising.  
Mark could feel himself blushing, his mind trying to come up with some explanation that didn’t involve admitting that he had a boyfriend.   
“Are those…” Yuta looked up at Mark with wide eyes. “Rope burns?”  
Mark could feel his expression turned panicked, his mouth opening and closing with no words coming out of it. Yuta seemed to put something together inside of his head and then turned a wry smile to Mark.   
“You really are full of surprises, aren’t you?” He poked Mark in his sore shoulder. “And here I was thinking you were all cute and innocent and you’re into the kinky shit.”  
“It’s not like that.” Mark muttered, pulling his sleeve back down to cover the red marks and bruising.   
“It’s not like what?” Johnny’s familiar voice startled Mark and he cursed silently.   
Johnny had walked up behind them, having come in without Mark realizing. His eyes lingered on Mark’s arm before turning a confused expression up to meet their eyes.   
“Mark was just about to tell me about the kinky sex he had last night.” Yuta wiggled his eyebrows playfully and Mark could feel his cheeks burning red.   
Johnny’s eyebrows rose. “Really?”  
“No.” Mark glared at Yuta.   
Yuta grinned wide, nearly doubling over in giggles. “You should see the marks on Mark. I didn’t realize he was such a naughty boy. He looks like such a baby.”  
Mark continued to glare, more embarrassed than anything. He reached down to make sure that his sleeves were pulled all the way down.  
“Cut it out, Yuta.” Johnny frowned at the silver-haired man. “Can’t you tell you’re making him uncomfortable?”  
Yuta pouted, turning to Mark. His smile had faltered and now he looked a bit abashed. “Sorry, I didn’t realize…”  
“Not everyone is as open about everything as you are.” Johnny reminded the other man.   
“Sorry…”  
“It…It’s fine.” Mark muttered. “It’s just…awkward.”  
“So, tell me about your boyfriend?” Yuta smiled, changing the tone of the conversation.   
Mark blushed again. “I don’t…”  
Yuta’s eyes widened in surprise. “Well then. Not a boyfriend? Girlfriend? No, there’s no way you can be straight, look at you. Friends with benefits?”  
“Yuta.” Johnny called his name sternly once more, putting a hand on Mark’s shoulder. “I think it’s time that you left Mark alone and he took a break.”  
“Oh.” Yuta nodded. “Yeah, that works. I’ve got to leave in a bit anyway. Johnny, you can help Mark close up shop tonight, yeah?”  
“Yeah.”   
Mark listened to the two talk until Johnny was guiding him carefully away from where Yuta had started finishing up Mark’s work. He lead him down the aisles and back into the break room.  
When Mark finally turned to look at Johnny, he sighed, running his hand through his black hair. “Listen, sorry about Yuta. He sometimes forgets that other people don’t want everyone in their business all the time.”  
“It’s alright.” Mark wouldn’t meet his eyes. Instead, he started wandering around the room, finding his bag. He pulled out a bowl of ramen and set it into the microwave while they left the room in silence.   
Johnny licked his lips. He knew what he wanted to ask, but he didn’t quite know how to go about it. He’d seen the bruises Mark had been trying to hide. He couldn’t explain exactly why he was so worried. Mark sat down at the table with his food and Johnny took the seat across from him.   
“That bruise.” He started, eyeing Mark’s sleeve as the boy pulled at it.   
“Wh…what about it?”  
“How did you get it?”  
There was a long bout of silence in which Johnny’s mind went rampant with as many horrible ideas as he could come up with. Mark had been attacked on the way to school. He was being bullied by classmates. His boyfriend had hurt him.   
“It was like Yuta said…” Mark was staring hard at his food. “Kinky stuff.”  
“Oh.” Johnny watched Mark take a shaky bite of food. Something twisted in his stomach. “You’re really into that kind of stuff?”  
“Not really.”  
“Then why do you do it?” Johnny asked.   
Mark looked at the door as if he were afraid someone was listening in on the conversation. “He likes it.”  
Johnny frowned. “Can I see?”  
Mark hesitated for a moment with his arm pulled to his chest. Then, slowly, as if he were taking a great risk, he held his arm across the table. Johnny made sure to be as careful as he could as he pulled Mark’s sleeve up. He grimaced at the black and blue bruise around his wrist, half moon shaped cuts dug into the pale flesh.   
“Did you put anything on this?” He asked. A rage welled inside of him. No one had any right to harm another person, no matter how kinky they liked… Johnny could bring himself to think of the idea of Mark doing that.   
The younger man shook his head. “I washed it last night.”  
“I need you to be honest with me, Mark.” Johnny looked into the younger boy’s eyes, waiting until Mark looked back and gave him a nod. “Did he make you do any of this? Did he force you?”  
Johnny glanced back down to the crisscrossed red and blue marks of rope burns up his arms. He’d seen a similar mark across his shoulder when he’d lead him through to the back. He could have bet that if Mark pulled his shirt up, he’d find more rope burns there as well.   
Mark almost knocked his bowl over in his haste to pull his arm back and shake his head. “What?! No! No he didn’t… It’s not like that.”  
“Okay, okay.” Johnny spoke. “Calm down. I was only asking. You know I’ve got to at least ask.”  
“But…. why?” Mark’s voice had suddenly become very small and he was staring at his fingers again.   
Johnny’s face screwed up in confusion. “Because we’re friends now, and when I see my friends show up with bruises talking about doing sex stuff they don’t even like doing, I’ve got to make sure that everything is on the level.”  
“We’re friends?” Mark’s innocent eyes turned back up at Johnny and he felt his stomach flip at the adorable confusion on the younger boy’s face.   
“O… Of course, we’re friends.” He didn’t know what made him studder. “Is that alright?”  
Mark’s lips turned up into a soft smile. “I’d like that.”  
Johnny grinned, reaching over and ruffling Mark’s hair. “Now hurry and eat before your noodles get cold.”   
Mark nodded, shoveling food into his mouth. Johnny watched with an amused smile, but he couldn’t quite shake the uncomfortable feeling in his chest. Their conversation after that took a lighter turn. Johnny proceeded to ask Mark all about his day at school and listened with a dumb smile on his face while Mark light up and started talking a mile a minute about some interesting new fact his teacher had brought up in one of his classes. Johnny didn’t have a clue what he was talking about, but he couldn’t help but think that Mark was really cute when he was talking about something he liked.   
They kept like that until Yuta poked his head into the break room. “I need you guys to come back out now. I’m about to leave and I can’t leave Haechan out there by himself.”  
They bid him goodbye as Mark tossed his empty bowl and bottle away and they started back towards the front. “So, what did you think about Haechan?” Johnny asked.  
Mark’s smile seemed sad. “I was right yesterday.”  
“About?”  
“Everyone that works here is unfairly attractive.”  
Johnny had remembered Mark’s comment and he frowned. “I wanted to ask you yesterday about the comment you made. Why are you concerned you won’t fit in because of that?”  
Mark was playing with his sweater again. “Well, I mean… I’m not…”  
“If you say you’re not attractive, I’m going to have to hit you.” Johnny was teasing, but there was a seriousness in his voice.   
Mark looked up at him with those impossibly wide eyes. “What?”  
Johnny stopped him just before they got up to the front of the store and put his hands on Mark’s shoulders, making sure the younger was looking at him. “You don’t have to worry about not fitting in, if it’s because you think everyone here is attractive. Mark, you’re probably the prettiest boy I’ve ever seen.”  
“Y…you think I’m pretty?” Johnny’s mouth went dry as Mark looked up at him beneath his long lashes.   
“Y..yea.” Johnny took a step back and cleared his throat. “I mean, I’m not gay, but I can still acknowledge when someone is attractive, and if everyone who works here is pretty, then you’re the prettiest of us all.”  
Mark blushed, but he tried to hide it. Johnny, his stomach twisting uncomfortably, shoved him gently back up to the front. Then he went to relieve Haechan from the coffee counter and do his best to avoid staring at Mark from across the room the entire rest of the shift.


	5. I think working at an LGBTQ+ facility has made me more apt to add those kinds of characters into my writing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last Week I had Flu and the week before that I had Strep. 
> 
> Johnny and Mark getting to know each other is just super cute to me. I love the way Johnny worries over Mark.

The last few hours of the shift dwindled by. The last customer had left the shop and hour before close, leaving just Johnny and Mark alone in the shop. Mark had taken up a spot at the table nearest the bookshop counter with his homework spread across the table. Johnny flipped through a magazine as he leaned against the coffee counter. His head bopped to the music and he tried to make it not quite so obvious that he was staring at Mark.   
“Do you have a calculator?” Mark’s voice cut the silence of the store.   
“Oh, yeah.” Johnny fumbled for the machine in the drawer and hopped the counter to hand it to Mark, taking the opportunity to pull up a seat next to him. “What are you working on?”  
“Just tedious stuff.” Mark responded, motioning to the worksheet in front of him. Johnny glanced, but didn’t understand half the words on it. “It’s a bunch of scenarios of patients and their symptoms. I’ve got to decide what medicine of the options is best to give them and work out the proper doses.”  
“Sounds complicated.” Johnny leaned his head on his hand and watched, impressed by the intense concentration on Mark’s face.   
He was content to sit there and watch all the expressions cross the younger boy’s face as he read each question and tried to work out the options. Five minutes until time to lock the doors, Mark’s phone started to ring in his pocket.   
He pulled it out and a flash of panic crossed his features before he glanced up at Johnny, who motioned him the go ahead to answer.   
“Hello?”  
Mark flinched, holding the phone a little way from his ear as if the person on the other end were yelling.   
“I’m just getting ready to lock the doors. As soon as I settle the last few things, I’ll be coming home.”  
Johnny tried to look like he wasn’t listening.   
“It shouldn’t be more than another two hours.”  
“I spent it on lunch.”  
“Order something? I’ll pick it up on the way home.”  
“Yes.”  
“Yes.”  
“Okay, goodbye.”  
“What? Oh…” Mark glanced back up at Johnny, who was pointedly not looking at him. “I love you too.”  
He hung up and cleared his throat, tucking his phone back into his pocket.   
“Your boyfriend?”  
“Yeah.”  
“What’s his name?”  
Mark looked up, nervous expression on his face.   
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” Johnny muttered.   
After a thoughtful silence, Mark spoke. “Jeno.”  
“Is he older than you?”  
“No.”  
“How did you meet?”  
Mark’s lips had turned into a pout. “Why are you asking?”  
Johnny shrugged. “I figured since we were friends, I could learn more about you.”  
“Okay, but you’ve got to tell me something about yourself in return.” Mark responded. He’d started to tuck his school work back into his bag to get ready to close the shop.   
“What do you want to know?” Johnny asked.   
Mark hummed thoughtfully, leaving his bag on the table while Johnny went and locked the front door. He followed him behind the counter to grab the till from the register, then to the other register to do the same.   
“How long did your last relationship last?” Mark asked as he followed Johnny to the offices to count the money.   
Johnny didn’t like thinking about his last relationship. She had done quite a number on his heart, and it had been less than two weeks since they’d split up so the wounds were still fresh. “We were together for about seven months.”  
“Three years.” Mark responded. “Jeno and I have been together for three years. I was seventeen and he was sixteen. We met online.”  
“She was a customer here, came in to the store every day. She’d tip me with dollars that had hearts drawn on them. Taeyong convinced me to ask her out.”  
“But doesn’t he think you’re gay?” Mark asked.   
They both stood next to each other, counting the money in their respective drawers and writing down the amounts while they continued to talk.   
“But I’m not.” Johnny responded.   
“I know that.” Mark looked back down at his money.   
“Do you and Jeno live together?” Johnny returned back to the subject he was eager to talk about. He wanted to know about Mark’s relationship.   
Mark looked at him for a moment. “I know what you’re trying to do.”  
“What?” Johnny pouted.   
Mark sighed. “You’re trying to weasel information out of me because you think that Jeno doesn’t treat me well, but you’re wrong. It’s just a few bruises. That’s happens sometimes. Jeno’s done more for me than I ever deserved.”  
“I’m not saying he hasn’t…” Johnny frowned.   
There was silence between them for a long while as they both worked on finishing their deposits. When Johnny dropped the money into the safe, Mark started speaking again.   
“I met Jeno when I was still living with my parents in Canada. He was the nicest boy I’d ever met. When I came out to my parents, they disowned me. Jeno got a job and saved up the money to fly me here and get us a place together. He helped me get accepted into university and helped apply for my scholarships. We’ve been living together for a year now, almost.”  
“Sounds like it’s pretty serious.” Johnny leaned against the door, holding it open for Mark.   
“I thought so.” Mark didn’t look at him. “But I don’t know anymore.”  
“What do you mean?”  
Mark sighed, pulling at his hair. “Don’t get me wrong, I love him. I love him more than anything. Just, sometimes I get frustrated with him. I’ve been really patient with him, but we’ve been together for three years and I still can’t tell anybody. He’ll throw a fit if he finds out I even told you.”  
“Throw a fit?”  
Mark sighed. “He’s a good kid, he is. But sometimes it’s just really obvious how much of a kid he still is.”  
“You’re still a kid, too.” Johnny teased.   
“Am not.” Mark glared, slapping Johnny playfully on the arm. “The point is, we’re just like any other couple. Everything isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. We have our arguments sometimes, more lately than usual, but we get through them. And I love him, so even if it’s not something I’m particularly in to, I’ll do it for him. Sometimes.”  
“And he doesn’t hit you, or hurt you?” Johnny finally asked the question that was bothering him.   
Mark sighed again. “If you’re asking if he’s abusive, he’s not.”  
Johnny looked at Mark for a long while, thinking. Then, suddenly, he held his hand out. “Give me your phone.”  
Mark obeyed, but his expression looked confused. “Why?”  
Johnny tapped the keys. “I’m saving my number into your phone. If anything ever happens and you need me, you’ll be able to call me. Any time of the night or day. No matter what it is, okay?”   
Mark took his phone back, staring at it like it was a foreign object. “O..okay.”  
Johnny sighed, ruffling Mark’s hair again. “Aish, you’re so cute.”

Mark tottered around following Johnny, helping him clean up and finish the last of their tasks. He was unusually silent, his mind spinning over the conversation they’d just finished. He followed Johnny out the back door and watched as the larger man tossed the big black trash bag into the dumpster as if it weighed nothing.   
“Do you want a ride home again?” Johnny asked as he locked the door back behind him.   
“No, that’s alright.” Mark smiled. “I’ll catch the bus. It’ll be alright.”  
“Alright.” Johnny flicked off the lights and typed in the alarm code in the panel. “Will you be here tomorrow?”  
“Oh, no.” Mark muttered. “Tomorrow is my day off. But I’ll be here all day Saturday.”  
Johnny patted Mark on the head one more time, making the smaller boy blush ever so slightly and pout. Johnny waited until Mark had disappeared from the parking lot before he actually got in his car and pulled away.   
Mark hurried towards the bus stop, his mind on other things. The bruise on his wrist. Jeno didn’t abuse him. It had been an accident; they’d been arguing and Jeno didn’t even realize that he’d been holding on to Mark. It wasn’t like he had meant to hurt him. The idea that Johnny thought that made his stomach twist nervously.   
Jeno was asleep on the couch when Mark got home. He woke up to the smell of Mark making himself dinner and insisted they cuddle while Mark ate. Jeno was a very loving boyfriend, Mark thought, just because he lost his temper sometimes didn’t make him abusive.   
They didn’t even argue again for another two weeks. Mark got used to his new job. He loved being at work more than anything and over the next several shifts he got to meet the rest of his coworkers. Taeyong and Johnny’s descriptions of them had been fairly accurate.   
Doyoung had put on the moves from the moment he walked in the door, and it didn’t stop until their second shift together when Johnny had put a firm grip on Doyoung’s shoulder and told him in no uncertain terms that Mark was ‘entirely off limits.’   
Lucas’s boyfriend, Ten, turned out to be someone that Mark really enjoyed spending time with. He was very smart and the two of them spoke English with each other often, to the dismay of nearly the rest of the shop. It seemed the only other people who spoke English were Johnny – who Mark had found out through their many conversations was originally from Chicago – and Lucas, who learned from Ten. Lucas himself was a massive giant of a man. He meant well, but he seemed to be constantly tripping over himself. He was all limbs and smiles.   
Jaena was also much like they’d described her. Mark hadn’t been expecting her to be a foreigner. She was slender, just a few inches shorter than him, but the oldest of the lot. She was a black belt in Taekwondo, had graduated from the same college Mark currently attended two years prior, and apparently had been born a man.   
It was Johnny that Mark spent the most time with, though. On the days Mark closed, it was almost always Johnny who closed with him. When there were others, they almost always took their breaks together. As soon as Johnny had found out that Mark spoke English, he insisted that the communicate almost entirely in the language – mostly because it annoyed Taeyong.   
Mark also found out that Johnny wasn’t any kind of stranger to skinship. He figured that was part of the reason Taeyong accused him of being gay. It seemed to be an ongoing thing between the two of them, Taeyong telling Johnny he was gay and Johnny insisting that he wasn’t. He’d flip Taeyong the middle finger and pop off “Not gay.” Even while he was laying on the couch in the breakroom with his head in Mark’s lap and his fingers drawing circles on Mark’s bare belly.   
Mark didn’t mind the skinship. In fact, he sometimes found himself seeking out the elder’s touch. Two weeks, and he felt like they had been best friends all his life. For the first time in Mark’s life, he felt like he was really going to be happy. Things were starting to get better with Jeno – at least they’d stopped arguing – he had a set of friends that he trusted, who wouldn’t leave him because they knew he was gay. Only Johnny knew he had a boyfriend, still, but the others knew that he was into guys. He was even making top grades for the moment, mostly due to the fact that his evening shifts allowed him time to work on his homework during his shifts. Things were looking up.


	6. 6 - I've got to come up with notes for like twenty chapters in one day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DoYoung is a hoe.   
> Johnny takes Mark on a not date  
> Mark is cute when he's jealous

Mark liked Saturdays at the coffee shop the best. They were probably one of the busiest times, especially around lunch, and Mark was there from nearly open to close on Saturdays. Still, He spent his morning chatting with Ten while they both laughed at Lucas’s adorably flustered expressions when some high school girls came in and tried to flirt with him. They were shooed off by Doyoung, who got one of their numbers before they left.   
“What?” Doyoung grinned. “She’s eighteen.”  
Ten rolled his eyes. “Could you just pick one person and stay with them for longer than a week?”  
“No.” He pouted, then his face twisted into a playful smirk. “Unless maybe it was Mark. What do you say? Wanna be my forever, Mark?”  
Doyoung had grabbed Mark’s hand and attempted to pull him into a hug, but Mark pushed him away and swatted him with the magazine he was supposed to be putting back on the rack.   
“Or, maybe just my next few hours?” Doyoung’s eyebrows wiggled suggestively.   
“Do, are you hitting on Mark again?” Johnny’s voice appeared behind Mark before the elder’s arms wrapped around Mark’s shoulders.   
It had taken Mark a while to get used to the skinship. He wasn’t used to being touched, and not the way that Johnny liked to touch. The elder was constantly ruffling his hair, wrapping his arms around him from behind, holding his hand when they walked, pulling him into his lap when they all hung out in the break room.   
“Of course, I’m not.” Doyoung stepped away from Mark and grinned. “I know you want him all for yourself.”  
Johnny flipped Doyoung off. “Not gay.”  
Ten rolled his eyes. “What brings you over to this side of the world, Hyung?”  
Johnny dropped his chin down on top of Mark’s head. Mark had to keep from giggling at the way it felt when Johnny talked. “I’ve got to go across town to pick some stuff up for the coffee shop.”  
“And?” Lucas asked.  
Johnny pulled away and smiled down at Mark. “Want to come?”  
“Me?” Mark’s mouth pursed into a curious pout.   
Johnny nodded. “It’s about time for your lunch break, isn’t it? I thought you’d like to eat out today.”  
“Yeah, Mark.” Ten teased. “He wants to take you out on a date.”  
“He does not.” Mark shot Ten a playful glare. Another thing he’d gotten used to in the last few weeks were his coworkers jokes about him and Johnny flirting. “But I would like to get out of here for a while. I’m tired of being teased by these ungrateful coworkers of mine.”  
“Oh, Mark.” Doyoung hit his heart with his clenched fist dramatically. “How could you break my heart like that?”  
Mark just laughed because Johnny had already taken his hand and started pulling him out the door. It was a bright sunny day out that afternoon. Mark had worn short sleeves that day, but he had covered his bruised wrist with bracelets and bands. The rope marks had disappeared after a few days, but the bruise lingered longer.   
Johnny held open the passenger door of his fancy black Porsche and grinned dopily at Mark as he slipped in. Mark sorted his seatbelt as Johnny dashed around to the other side of the car and got in, staring up the engine.   
“So where are we going?” Mark asked.   
Johnny shrugged. “Do you want to go get food first, or pick up the prints for the coffee shop?”  
Mark hummed. “Let’s get the prints first, so that we can take our time with lunch.”  
Johnny nodded and had already whipped out of the parking lot before Mark had realized something and let out a yelp.   
“What is it?” Johnny had nearly swerved in shock.   
Mark whined. “I can’t get anything for lunch. I left my wallet in my backpack at the store.”  
“Did you think I was inviting you out to make you pay for yourself?” Johnny quirked an eyebrow as he considered Mark.   
The younger boy pouted. “I can’t ask you to buy me lunch.”  
“You don’t have to ask me.” Johnny reached over with one hand and ruffled Mark’s hair before letting it rest on his shoulder. “I offered.”  
“Are you sure?” Mark pouted.   
“What kind of a Hyung would I be if I invited you to lunch and made you pay?” Johnny pouted.  
Mark’s smile split his face. “Thank you!”   
Johnny’s smile flickered and he pulled his hand away, looking back out at the road. He let Mark fiddle with the radio while they sat in traffic. Mark had been in Johnny’s car a total of three times. The first day he’d met him, once last week when Johnny had refused to let him walk up to the noodle shop on his own for his lunch break, and now. It felt strange to be sitting in such an expensive car. Jeno owned a sixteen-year-old run-to-the-ground Honda and Mark had never owned a car in Canada, although his parents had occasionally let him drive the pick-up truck.   
“What kind of music do you like, Hyung?” Mark asked, pressing the button to filter through the stations. He was very careful, afraid he might break something.   
Johnny shrugged. “I like a lot of music. Probably American music, like Bruno Mars and Sam Smith, is my favorite right now though.”  
Mark smiled. “I like those guys, too.”  
Mark settled on a station, finally, and sat back into the leather seat. He entertained himself by staring out the window and watching the buildings go by for a while. Seoul always interested him, though he’d never really seen most of it. Jeno took him to a lot of places when he first moved to the country, but after a few months, the spontaneous outings and sight-seeing trips had just ended.   
“What are you thinking about?” Johnny’s voice drew Mark back to the present.   
“Nothing, really.” He gave an empty smile.   
“Then why do you look so sad, suddenly?” Johnny’s expression had turned to one of concern and it twisted Mark’s stomach. Johnny was such a caring person and Mark wasn’t used to having someone like that in his life. He trusted Johnny without even making the choice to do so, and he found it impossible not to spill his guts to the elder every time he asked.   
Mark turned away and looked back out the window. “I was just thinking about when I first moved to Seoul.”  
“Oh?”  
Mark hummed. “Jeno used to take me out to a different restaurant every week. He wanted to take me to every single one of them.”  
“But?”  
Mark looked down at his hands. “Things are changing. He’s changing.”  
“He’s treating you well?” Johnny’s sudden serious tone startled Mark and he pouted.   
His hand reached around the faint, healing bruises on his wrist. “I told you it wasn’t like that. It was just an accident.”   
Johnny’s lips set into a thin line. “You would tell me if something like that every happened, though, right?”  
“It won’t.” Mark looked out the window. “Jeno’s not like that. He’s a good person. He’s just… I don’t know what he’s going through right now.”  
“Have you talked to him about it?”  
Mark bit his lip.   
“That might be a good place to start, if you think there’s something wrong.” Johnny stopped the car and killed the engine. “We’re here.”  
The conversation ended as Johnny stepped out of the car and Mark followed. They were at a small warehouse type of building with big glass front windows covered in posters and decals. Mark had never known the place existed until he’d started work at the bookshop. All of the posters and banners the stores used to advertise came from here.

Mark was unusually silent while they were inside the store. He kept mostly hidden behind Johnny while the cute girl at the counter tried to flirt with Johnny. He wasn’t really into her, but she gave him a discount sometimes if he played along. So, he complimented her shirt and asked if she’d cut her hair recently, leaned against the counter and smiled at her while she made small talk.   
He walked out of the store with Mark helping him carry the boxes and the larger signs. They tucked them into his backseat and Johnny ruffled his hair before opening the door for him. Mark smiled at him with those big, wide eyes, and Johnny felt a little better. Flirting with people he didn’t like was tiring, but the discount had been worth it.   
“So, where do you want to go for lunch?” Johnny started the car back up.   
“Anywhere is fine by me.” Mark spoke in a small voice, the one Johnny realized he used whenever he was feeling guilty.   
“Is everything alright?”  
“Huh?”   
Johnny shot a look over at him. Mark responded with a shy half smile.   
“You know, I could have stayed at the shop and had noodles and you could have asked that pretty girl out to lunch instead.” He wouldn’t meet Johnny’s eyes.   
Johnny smiled. “Awe, Mark, are you jealous?”  
“What?!” Johnny got the reaction he’d been hoping for. Mark jumped up in his seat and looked at him with those full moon eyes wide in panic. A giggle rolled out of Johnny.   
“Calm down.” He patted Mark on the head. “She’s not my type. Besides, I’d rather go to lunch with my best friend than some random girl.”  
Mark was blushing. Johnny couldn’t help but think that he looked cute with his cheeks all red and his face hidden behind his hand, but his grin stretched from ear to ear.   
“So then, where are you taking me?” he asked.   
Johnny hummed as he thought about it. He’d been going over a few options in his head for what kind of food he felt like eating. In the end, he pulled into a stylish little strip mall full of restaurants and small shops. He watched Mark’s eyes light up with interest while he spun into one of the spots and killed the engine.   
Mark ran after him towards the front door of one of the places. The inside was hidden by a decorative fabric curtain and the name was written on the front in scrawling golden letters. Johnny held the heavy red door open and followed Mark in.   
He dropped his hand on the smaller boy’s shoulder and took a deep breath, smelling the wonderful cooking that lingered, thick, in the air. It was dimly lit and atmospheric and nearly empty. As they rounded into the main dining area, they were stopped by an older woman, in her mid-thirties.   
“Well, hello there, Johnny.” She gave him a grin and he smiled back.   
“Hi, Mrs. Kim.” Hey waved. “How’s Yeogun?”  
She grinned. “Three months and growing. He’s quite a handful. And who is this sweet thing you’ve brought with you”  
Johnny turned back to the blushing Mark and grabbed him by his hand to pull him up. “This is Mark. He started work at the Bookshop a few weeks ago. We’re on lunch break.”  
“Hi.” Mark smiled and waved shyly.  
“Oh, you are just the cutest little thing.” She grinned. “I’m Kim Yoona, Johnny’s next door neighbor. It’s nice to meet one of Johnny’s boyfriends. He never brings his dates here.”  
“Noona!” Johnny playfully snapped at her.   
“He…We’re not…He’s not my…” Johnny chuckled at Mark’s flustered expression.   
“I’m only kidding.” She smiled and grabbed two menus before turning to walk off. “Come on, let’s get you two a table.”  
“Thank you, Noona.” Johnny kept Mark’s hand in his as he pulled him through the restaurant.   
She picked a little two-person table towards a more secluded area of the restaurant. Johnny pulled out Mark’s chair for him as Yoona sat the menus on the table. “What can I get you two to drink?”  
“I’ll just have a water.” Mark wouldn’t meet Johnny’s eyes as he took his seat. Johnny shuffled into his own with a frown falling onto his face. Mark seemed to be up and down today, and Johnny couldn’t figure out what was causing these mood swings in his best friend.   
“And a soda for you?” She quirked an eye towards Johnny.  
“Thank you, Noona.”  
She ruffled his hair even as he swatted her hand. “Sure thing, Kiddo.”  
After she’d walked away, Johnny turned his attention back to Mark. The younger boy had given his full attention to his menu, staring at it with furrowed brows. Johnny had the urge to take Mark’s face and gently wipe the creases from it.   
“Are you sure nothing is bothering you?” He asked.   
“I’m fine.” Mark wouldn’t look up at him, and Johnny knew that he was lying.   
“I know I keep asking you that, but it’s only because I’m worried about you.”  
Mark sighed. “You don’t have to worry so much. I’m fine. I promise. I’ve just had a lot of things on my mind.”  
“You know, you can talk about it.” Johnny muttered, looking down at his hands. “We are friends, after all.”  
Mark hummed and Johnny didn’t know what to make of that. Silence sat around them for a while, but it wasn’t an awkward silence. It was peaceful, if a little tense. Johnny didn’t know what else to say and Mark seemed content to just sit in silence. Then Yoona came back and took their orders.   
They ate in relative silence, Johnny stealing little glances at Mark every now and then, hoping to see some sign of what was bothering the other boy. He’d never been good at leaving something alone when his friends were upset about something. He’d once argued with Yuta for three months about his pouting around the store and awkward behavior before Yuta finally admitted his crush on Taeyong.   
With Mark, though, it was so much worse. He was just so small, so innocent and pure. With his round face and his dimples, and his wide, hopeful doe eyes. If things were different, Johnny could have seen himself falling for someone like Mark, but Mark was his best friend. After only one day, it had felt like the two of them had known each other all their lives. Mark trusted Johnny with secrets he told no one else. Johnny’s whole sense of happiness seemed to depend on how brightly Mark would smile at him each day.   
“We should be heading back to the shop.” Johnny shook himself from his thoughts after he realized that they had both finished eating.   
“Alright.” Mark stood up, following Johnny towards the front where they paid, and then out back to the car.   
Once more, Johnny opened the door for Mark to get in, but before the younger could, Johnny pulled him into a tight hug, tucking his face into Mark’s neck.   
“Hyung…” Mark stuttered out.   
“I’m sorry.” Johnny whispered into Mark’s ear. “I’m getting on your nerves, I know. Just… you seem so down sometimes that I can tell you’re thinking about something upsetting. You don’t have to talk to me about it if you don’t want to, but I’ll listen when you’re ready. Until then, if I can’t offer you a listening ear or helpful advice, I’ll give you what I can. Even if it’s just to hold you for a moment.”  
When Johnny pulled away, Mark was looking at him with those big brown eyes and a shocked expression on his face. Johnny smiled softly and tugged him towards the car, helping him inside. He walked around to his own side and got in before reaching over to grab the seatbelt and buckle Mark in. The younger boy seemed to be in some kind of shock because of the sudden hug and Johnny could only chuckle at his adorable appearance before speeding back off to the store.


	7. 7 - I'm running out of Ideas. I added alot of side characters named after any random idol I could think of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My fave character is the OC, okay. I love Trans!Jaena and her poly-amorous polycule. 
> 
> I mean, I already know what happens, but the end of this chapter made me squeal and Johnny gives me secondhand embarrassment.

Mark liked the moments when Jeno was being affectionate the most. They were curled up on the ratty old couch beneath a huge fuzzy blanket together. Mark was leaned back against Jeno’s chest, the younger’s arms wrapped around him. He was absentmindedly drawing circles on Jeno’s forearm with his finger while he watched the show on the television.   
Jeno pressed a kiss to the top of his head and Mark sighed in contentment as he snuggled closer into his boyfriend’s chest. How Johnny could possibly have thought that this relationship was abusive, Mark couldn’t understand. Just because a couple had argument didn’t mean the relationship was abusive. Mark picked at the healing scabs on his wrists where Jeno’s fingernails had cut into his skin.   
“You know it was an accident, right?” Jeno’s voice whispered into his ear. “And I’m very, very sorry.”  
Mark sighed, shifting to look up at Jeno with a small smile. “I know. You don’t have to keep apologizing.”  
Jeno pressed their lips together. “I just love you so much.”  
“I love you too.”  
“More than anything in the entire world.” Jeno pecked Mark on the nose and pulled away to look at his face. “I don’t think that anyone in the world could love you the way I do.”  
Mark chuckled. “There’s no one else in the world who would want to.”  
Jeno’s expression fell, became almost sad. “You’re the most beautiful boy in all the world, Mark. And you belong to me, yeah? You’re only mine.”  
Mark rested his head against Jeno’s chest. “Of course, I’m all yours, Jeno. Where is this coming from all of a sudden?”  
He heard Jeno’s voice waver. “I just…don’t think that I could live without you. I know that I keep messing up lately, and I haven’t been the best boyfriend. I’ve been drinking too much, and I keep getting angry over nothing, and I keep…I keep hurting you. But I love you so much that if you left me, I don’t think I’d be able to keep living.”  
“Don’t say that.” Mark would have shifted to look at Jeno again, but he knew the guilt that the younger would see etched into Mark’s features. Johnny’s face had suddenly appeared in his mind, smiling and ruffling his hair, and snapping at Taeyong when he called them boyfriends.   
“It’s true.” Jeno pulled Mark tighter into a hug, as if he were afraid the elder would get up and walk away from him at that moment. Mark felt even more guilty.   
Mark had no plans on leaving Jeno. He loved him. They had been together for three years. Mark wasn’t going to screw that up because of some crush he had on his straight coworker. Mark’s mind went back to a few day’s previous, when Johnny had taken him out at work for lunch. He’d been so uncomfortable watching Johnny flirt with that girl, it had made him unreasonably jealous – and he’d seen the girl looking at him like she thought it was funny. Then Johnny had decided to take him to that restaurant and sit him down at a table for two like it was some kind of date, and the waitress neighbor of his had said Johnny had boyfriends. Mark didn’t know what to think anymore.   
He knew when he first saw Johnny that he was going to have a crush on him. He looked like something straight out of a romance novel that Mark hadn’t been able to keep himself from his embarrassing word vomit. He just hadn’t known that it would reach this extent. His stomach did flips every time Johnny would smile at him, his hands shook when Johnny would touch him.   
And here he was, wrapped up in his boyfriend’s arms, thinking about the way his coworker made his heart beat faster. It had been a long time since Mark had felt that with Jeno. He thought he’d gotten it back when he finally moved to Korea. His heart fluttered every time he smiled at the younger boy, finally able to be with him in person after having spent two years only seeing each other through a screen. Slowly but surely, however, those feelings had faded away again and Mark was left with… He didn’t know exactly how he felt anymore. He loved Jeno, he was comfortable with him, but he didn’t feel the spark anymore.   
Mark sighed softly, finally looking up at Jeno. “I left my country to be with you. I lost my family so that I could love you. I’ve bet my life on building a future with you. You, Jeno. No one else. Why would I give that up?”  
Jeno continued to pout. “Because I’m an asshole who keeps hurting you.”  
“This was an accident.” Mark lifted his wrist up to show Jeno. “You would never hurt me on purpose, would you?”  
Jeno shook his head. Mark smiled and leaned forward to press their lips together. The kiss lingered, turning deeper. Jeno moaned softly into the kiss, his hands shifting to flip Mark around to straddle him.   
Mark pulled away, trailing kisses down Jeno’s jawline. “How about we take this to the bedroom?” He whispered.   
“Why go to the bedroom?” Jeno whimpered as Mark bit down on his neck. “Why not right here?”  
Mark had already started to rub the growing bulge in Jeno’s pants. As long as they weren’t doing all that kinky stuff that Mark hated, he enjoyed this part of their relationship. Mark took his time exploring the younger’s body, disrobing him, taking him into his mouth. He relished the sweet moans of the younger boy and pushed away thoughts of anything else. Mark’s thoughts were entirely in the moment as Jeno flipped them over, nestled between his legs, and stretched him open.  
When they were done, Jeno carried Mark to the bathroom and they shared a shower. Jeno tucked Mark into the bed and snuggled up behind him, holding onto him like he was still afraid of the elder leaving him. Mark hated himself for even the fleeting moment when he had thought he might want to, that day in the car with Johnny.   
“I’m off work tomorrow.” Jeno muttered nuzzling his nose into the back of Mark’s neck.   
“I don’t go in until the evening.” Mark yawned, eyes already drooping shut. “Yuta has to go to some event with Taeyong so I’ve got to close up the store tomorrow.”  
“Do you want to go out for breakfast in the morning?”  
“Mhmm.” Sleep had nearly taken Mark over, but he smiled at the idea of a breakfast date.

Johnny wanted to pretend that he hadn’t been counting the minutes until Jaena would clock out and leave so that he and Mark could have the entire shop to themselves for the rest of the evening. It wasn’t that he disliked Jaena, he adored the strange girl child, but every time Johnny would get within three feet of Mark, she was giving him some kind of death glare.   
Mark had seemed entirely oblivious to it, having become entirely consumed in his conversation with her about her relationship status. Jaena did have a very unique kind of relationship. Johnny leaned against the bookshelf while he listened to her explain it again as she gave him shifty expressions.   
“Okay repeat that?” Mark asked.   
Jaena chuckled. “Okay, so it’s basically Taeyeon and I are in a relationship. Taeyeon is also in a relationship with Wonshik, but I’m not in a relationship with Wonshik.”  
“And what about Kevin?” Mark asked.   
“Kevin and I are both in a relationship together with each other and with Eric, but Eric and Kevin are not part of Taeyeon and Wonshik’s relationship either.”  
“This is too confusing.” Mark rubbed at his eyes, putting the book he was shelving down again.   
Jaena chuckled. “Explaining polyamory can sometimes get confusing when you’ve got as many people in the polycule as we do.”  
“Polywhat?”  
“Like a molecule, but with polyamory.”  
“Oh.” Johnny didn’t think that Mark actually sounded like he understood anything any better, but he didn’t ask any more questions.  
“Taeyeon had just walked into the shop with Wonshik trailing behind her, waving at Jaena.  
She returned the grin and stood up. “Hey, Johnny, come help me with something in the back before I grab my stuff and go?”  
Johnny nodded, knowing that there was nothing she needed help with. He knew from her tone of voice that she wanted to talk. He took the shot to ruffle Mark’s hair and tell him they would be back in a moment before he followed Jaena into the back room.   
“So spill it.” Jaena spun on Johnny the moment the door was shut.   
“Spill what?” Johnny should have known this was what she wanted to talk about. Everyone seemed to be on him about this lately, and it was starting to get on his nerves. “There’s nothing going on between me and Mark.”  
“Are you sure about that?” Her eyebrow quirked up at him and he almost felt scared. “You’ve been staring at him since he walked in the store and you’ve been hovering over him every second you get.”  
“We’re friends.” Johnny hummed. “I only get to see him at work, so of course I’d want to spend time with him when I’m not working.”  
“All I’m saying.” Jaena ran a hand through her hair before she leveled one of her stares at him. “Is that I adore that baby and I’ll protect him with my life. He obviously has a massive crush on you, so if you break his heart, I’ll have to do to you what I did to your ex.”  
Johnny stared at her for a long moment. She thought Mark had a crush on him? He couldn’t explain to her how absolutely wrong that was, even if the idea did make him want to dance. Mark had a boyfriend that he loved. Johnny had never met the boy, but he held a bitter hatred for the person called Jeno.   
“Don’t worry, you won’t have to do anything. Even if you were right, which you’re not, I wouldn’t ever do anything to intentionally hurt Mark.” Johnny sighed. “He’s my best friend.”  
“He’s your best friend, but you never hang out outside of work?” She threw a hand up on her hip, looking at him skeptically.   
Johnny shrugged. “I don’t have to explain my friendship to you. I would assume, you – of all people – would understand that some things aren’t always traditional.”  
Jaena shot him a glare, but he knew that he had her on that one. She sighed, dropping her hands back to her sides. “I just don’t want to see him hurt, he’s so sweet. And I know how you are.”  
“If you know how I am, then you know I’m not gay.” He responded.   
“Not gay and straight aren’t always the same thing.” She snapped back, and this time she had him.   
Johnny sighed. “I’m not going to hurt him, now get out of here.”  
Jaena grabbed her stuff and grinned at him. “Fine. I just had to give you my big sister warning.”  
“I’ve got it, alright.” Johnny smiled as he followed her back out, waving goodbye as she clocked out and disappeared with her girlfriend and her girlfriend’s boyfriend.  
“So…” Mark leaned on the counter, looking around the entirely empty bookstore. “What are we supposed to do with no one here?”  
Johnny shrugged. “Wanna learn how to make a coffee?”  
“I know how to make coffee.” Mark glared playfully.   
“Then make me a cappuccino.” Johnny grinned, motioning his hand towards the empty coffee shop.   
Mark lead the way into the shop, slipping behind the counter. When he turned around, his expression was shy, a blush painted his cheek.   
“Okay, fine.” He admitted. “I don’t know how to make a cappuccino, but I can pour a regular coffee!”  
Johnny chuckled. “Here, let me show you.”  
Johnny walked up behind Mark, pointing out each of the pieces of equipment and explained how to use them. His arms wrapped around Mark, hands resting on top of the smaller boy’s as he helped him grind the beans, press the coffee, heat the milk, and then put everything together into a proper drink. He even held Mark’s hands steady to work with him to put a rather crookedly shaped heart into the coffee’s foam.  
Johnny liked being close like this with Mark. He felt comfortable, with the younger’s body pressed back against his own, like he hadn’t with anybody before. Mark smelled nice, and he felt nice, and Johnny almost lost his senses for a moment. He stepped away before he wrapped Mark into a proper back hug and pressed his lips against his neck.   
Johnny had been having thoughts like that a lot recently and he didn’t know what to do with it. Jaena had been right. Not gay didn’t mean he was straight. Johnny really didn’t know what he would describe himself as. Honestly, he’d never thought that it was important. The ‘not gay’ joke had been something between he and Taeyong since they had first become friends when he’d moved to Korea at the age of eight.  
“This taste is amazing.” Mark moaned as he sipped the coffee. The sound startled Johnny and he looked at Mark with wide eyes. Mark held out the cup to him innocently, a foam mustache on his upper lip. “Taste.”  
Johnny let Mark press the cup to his lips and he took a small sip. He didn’t much like cappuccinos, but Mark loved them, and he had to admit that it didn’t taste bad.   
“Not bad.” He grinned, “But I know something that probably tastes better.”  
“What?”  
Instead of responding, Johnny reached up and took Mark’s cheek in his hand. He watched the boy’s eyes widen in surprise, as if he thought that Johnny was about to kiss him. He didn’t miss Mark’s eyes flick to his lips and back up again. Instead, Johnny swiped his thumb across Mark’s lips to collect the cream there and then stepped back, sticking his thumb into his mouth with an innocent grin.   
“Delicious.”  
“That’s not fair.” Mark pouted, taking his coffee and stomping back around to the other side of the counter.   
Johnny leaned against the counter, trying to stifle his giggled. “What?”  
“You know, this is why the others joke about us being together.” Mark sat down at one of the tables, shooting derisive looks at Johnny.   
“Why?” Johnny hopped the counter and went to sit across from Mark. “Because we have a close friendship?”  
“Because you tease me like you’re trying to get in my pants.” Mark shot a glare directly at Johnny. “You act like that, like you’re actually in love with me, and they all think that…”  
“You could just tell them you’re in a relationship already and they’d stop.” Johnny interrupted. He hoped he didn’t sound as bitter as he felt.   
Mark sighed. “I mean, they should all know without me saying that. There’s no way you’d ever…You’re not even gay.” Mark dropped his head down on the table and Johnny suddenly felt a little bad about teasing him. Mark looked so conflicted.   
“You know.” Johnny’s stomach flipped at the idea of actually admitting this, but his mouth didn’t seem to want to shut up. “I may not be gay, but I think if it were you, It’d be okay.”  
Mark’s eyes shot over to him, his expression twisting into something that Johnny would describe as either shock or fear or some combination of the two. “You…. what?”  
Johnny reached over and ruffled Mark’s hair. Johnny was the only one Mark let touch his hair and he was proud of that. “You heard me. Watch the front for a moment? I’m going to the restroom.”  
Johnny dipped, leaving Mark to figure out what Johnny had been trying to say while he went into the bathroom and splashed some water on his face to try and calm his beating heart. When he finally walked back out to the front, Mark was back in the bookstore section of the shop. He shot Johnny a small smile, but didn’t walk back over.   
That was fine, Johnny thought. He had just overstepped his boundaries. He would give Mark some space and go try and talk to him again in a little while. Unfortunately, that little while didn’t happen for the rest of the shift. The store got a sudden rush of customers and when the bookshop line was empty, the coffee shop caught an evening rush of people heading in to the night shift or coming home from the afternoon.   
Johnny didn’t get another chance to speak to Mark until they were getting ready to clean up for the night. He stopped Mark in the back hallway, pressing an arm against the wall so that the smaller boy couldn’t keep walking.   
“Mark, if what I said earlier made you uncomfortable, I’m sorry.” Johnny nearly whispered.   
Mark pressed his back against the wall, looking up at Johnny with a blush but not quite meeting his eyes. “It’s not that…”  
“What is it?” Johnny tilted his head to the side.   
Mark bit his lip. Johnny’s eyes lingered there. He wondered what they would taste like. Would Mark taste like a girl? Better? Like the strawberry scented shampoo that he smelled of?   
“Johnny…” Mark took a deep breath and then spoke. “You don’t have to say stuff like that, you know. I know you’re trying to compliment me, but you don’t have to go that far…”  
“Wait.” Johnny frowned, looking back at Mark’s eyes. “You think I was lying to you to…make you feel nice?”  
Mark refused to meet Johnny’s eyes. Johnny took Mark’s chin and turned the boy’s face so that he was forced to meet his eyes. “I’m gonna say this once because it would be disrespectful of your relationship to repeat myself. Mark, you are the kindest, sweetest, smartest, most beautiful person on the face of this planet. I could be the straightest person to ever exist and you would still be able to shake my heart.”  
“Hyung…” Mark’s breathless voice whispered.   
Johnny couldn’t help himself. He had never had very good self-control. He ducked his head and pressed his lips against Marks.


	8. 8 - My cat pissed on my freind's head XD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have anything against Jeno, but my friend who requested I write this thinks that he's a bit scary looking and so he ended up being a bad guy. In this story, I really don't like him T.T

Mark wiped down tables in the back of the bookshop with a blank expression on his face. His mind repeated that moment over and over again. A week had passed and he hadn’t been able to look Johnny in the eyes. It helped that Johnny hadn’t been on shift with him as often. Either Mark was just leaving as Johnny got there, or vice versa. Today was the first day in a week that they worked together for an entire ship. Luckily Yuta and Taeyong were there as well.   
Mark sighed, remembering the feeling of Johnny’s lips on his own. The kiss hadn’t lasted long. Mark had stood there in shock before Johnny seemed to realize what he’d done. Johnny had pulled away with wide eyes, muttered an quick apology, and disappeared from the room. Mark finished his tasks on his own that night and disappeared out of the door without saying anything to Johnny, who wouldn’t look at him as he waited to lock the door behind them.   
Mark had gone home and locked himself in the bathroom for two hours to panic about the events. Jeno had been so concerned, but Mark hadn’t been able to bring himself to tell Jeno what had happened. He’d told his boyfriend that he’d just had a hard day at work and was stressed out about it. Mark didn’t feel any better that Jeno pressed a soft kiss to his lips and pulled him down on the couch to watch a movie that Mark wasn’t actually interested in.   
“Hey, Mark.” Johnny’s hesitant voice startled him. He’d been wiping the same spot on the table for at least ten minutes. He jumped and turned around. Johnny took a step back and looked at the floor.   
Mark’s stomach twisted as he looked up at Johnny. The elder looked so torn, and Mark didn’t know how he felt about it. He’d never felt fireworks before the way he did when he felt Johnny’s lips on his. To now see that same person standing in front of him looking as if he’d just made the biggest mistake of his life, Mark hated it.   
“Yes?” He forced himself to speak, breaking the awkward silence that lingered between them.   
Johnny scratched the back of his neck. “Um… Taeyong and Yuta are ordering pizza for lunch break. They sent me to ask what kind of pizza you wanted.”  
“Oh.” Mark bit his lip, wringing his dusting cloth in his hands. “Um. I’m fine with anything, really.”  
“Are you sure?” Johnny asked.   
Mark nodded. “Just… get whatever you guys like and I’ll be fine with that. I’ve um… I’ve got to go… finish cleaning.”  
Mark ducked past Johnny, pushing past his shoulder as he disappeared around the corner. He had to disappear before he lost his cool. He wanted to start crying, his stomach twisting with disappointment and guilt. He wanted to grab Johnny and press their lips together again, just to see if he would still have the same fireworks as before. Then, Jeno’s face appeared in his mind and Mark wanted to vomit with guilt. He had given up everything for Jeno and here he was, his heart shaking over another man. A straight man. A straight man who had kissed him.   
Mark avoided Johnny the rest of the shift. He offered to be the one that stayed out in the store while everyone else ate and then tucked himself up on the couch with the cold leftovers. He could feel Johnny’s eyes on him, but he didn’t know what to say to the boy. All he knew was that when he got home, he needed to talk to Jeno.   
Mark dreaded that conversation, and gave the others a half-hearted goodbye before he left. The bus ride home seemed to take forever. Mark was shaking from his nerved. He knew how Jeno was and he knew the boy wouldn’t take this very kindly. He had to prepare himself for the fight that would happen if he couldn’t contain Jeno’s anger.   
Again, Mark’s mind played back to the words that Johnny had told him. The concerns about Jeno’s behavior, if he was really treating Mark properly. Things weren’t perfect, Mark reminded himself, but they weren’t bad either. He felt even more guilty for ever doubting Jeno in the first place.   
The door to the apartment creaked open when Mark walked in. The apartment was dark, empty. Mark frowned. Jeno had told him that he was off the entire day. He hadn’t messaged to say he’d gone anywhere. Mark double checked his phone just in case, but there were no messages from his boyfriend, not even a missed call. Perhaps he was already asleep? But it was only seven.   
Mark dropped his bag on the couch and crept quietly through the house, just in case Jeno was asleep, but every room he checked was empty. The entire apartment was empty. Mark’s stomach dropped. Had something happened? He quickly pulled out his phone and dialed Jeno’s number, but only began to worry more as it rang twice and then went straight to voicemail. He called back two more times, each time getting sent to voicemail, before he sent out a text to ask if everything was alright, where was he?  
Mark decided to curl himself up on the couch with one of his textbooks and work on his homework until Jeno got home from wherever he went. He couldn’t focus on his work as worry consumed him. The hours ticked by and Mark found himself asleep on the couch before Jeno ever returned home.   
Mark woke the next morning with an ache in his neck on the couch to the sound of movement in the kitchen.   
“Jeno?” He sat up and stretched.   
“You’re up?” Came a reply from the kitchen. “I’m making noodles, want some?”  
Jeno was standing over a pot on the stove in just his boxers with a towel over his shoulders. His hair was still wet, as if he’d come out of the shower. He smiled innocently at Mark, but the older boy’s eyes were drawn to something else and he frowned.   
“What’s all over your back?” Mark reached up and touched one of the long, angry marks that wrapped around Jeno’s back, sides, and chest. They looked like scratches. “Where were you last night? I waited for you.”  
Jeno turned around, dropping the towel to hide some of his exposed skin. He was grinning sheepishly now. “I’m sorry. I wanted to call you, but I couldn’t.”  
“Where were you?” Mark repeated.   
“I got into a fight.” Jeno muttered, the grin slipping off his face. “I was at the hospital getting checked, and I wasn’t allowed to use my phone. Please don’t be mad at me?”  
Mark swallowed, the frown deepening on his face. It was a flimsy excuse, but what choice did he have but to accept it?   
“Are you alright?” He asked with a sigh as he forced a smile onto his face. “What did the doctor say?”  
“It’s mostly just scratches.” Jeno turned back to the pot of boiling water. “I’ll be fine. I’m sorry that I left you alone all night.”  
“It’s alright.” Mark leaned against the counter. He had to do this now, otherwise he’d never be able to get the words out. “Actually, I’m not alright. There…. There’s something that I need to tell you about.”  
Jeno turned the heat off under the boiling water, letting the noodles sit. He turned to Mark, who was unable to look up at him and meet his eyes.  
“What’s wrong?” Jeno asked. “Has something happened?”  
Mark bit his lip. “Before I say what I need to say, I want you to promise me that you’re not going to get angry, okay?”  
“Mark?” Jeno stepped forward. He was only a few inches taller than Mark, but the height was imposing when Mark’s emotions made him feel about two inches tall. “What’s going on?”  
“Promise me?” Mark looked up at him pitifully.   
“What did you do?” Jeno’s brows furrowed.   
Mark couldn’t look at him. He stepped away, trying to put distance between the two of them for when Jeno blew up.   
“I didn’t mean for anything to happen.” Mark muttered.   
Jeno paused, Mark’s words having clicked home in his head. He seemed to figure out where this was going and he spoke in a breathless whisper. “Did you cheat on me?”  
Mark shook his head wide-eyed. “It was just a kiss. It was an accident.”  
“How do you accidentally kiss someone?!” Jeno yelled, making Mark flinch.   
Mark whimpered. “I didn’t know he was going to kiss me. I didn’t even kiss back!”  
“Who?!” Jeno had stepped up to Mark and grabbed him by his arms, holding him tight and shaking him. “Who did you kiss?!”  
Mark whimpered, flinching at the sharp grip. He knew he would bruise, he bruised so easily. “J..Johnny.” He muttered out the name. “I didn’t kiss him. He kissed me.”  
“You let him?!” Jeno spun with Mark still in his grasp, the smaller boy stumbling to keep from falling to the ground.   
“I didn’t! It just happened!” Mark defended.   
Jeno scoffed, “I knew you’d be a cheating whore!” He yelled into Mark’s face, the words cutting the younger like a knife.   
Jeno’s next actions cut Mark deeper. The younger shoved him away, pushing him with so much force that Mark stumbled backwards towards the stove. The pot of boiling noodles tipped to the floor as Mark’s hand came down right on the still hot iron stove eye.   
He screamed. Jeno froze in shock, eyes wide in horror at what he’d just done. Mark stumbled back into the table and fell onto the floor, his hand held tight to his chest. He breathed hard trying to think through the pain.   
He couldn’t open his hand, everything stung. The skin was raw and peeling and blood oozed from the burning wound. Mark whimpered and pushed himself up off the ground, braving a glance at Jeno. The younger boy was staring off into the middle distance in shock.   
“J…Jeno…” Mark whimpered his name, trying to get his attention. “I need to go to the hospital.”  
Jeno seemed to snap out of whatever trance he’d been in and he jumped. He turned and looked at Mark with wide eyes, down at his hand. “I’ll get a shirt and the car keys.”  
Mark just nodded. He waited for Jeno to finish getting dressed, then the younger helped him put his shoes on. Jeno held Mark gently by the elbow, whispering apologies to him as he helped him down the apartment stairs and to the car.   
He held Mark’s hand in the waiting room, tears threatening to burst through his eyes no matter how many times Mark shakily whispered out that it was alright. It was only an accident. He was relieved, though, when they took him back and told Jeno that he would have to stay in the waiting room for a while.   
The doctor determined that he would need a small surgery and they prepped him for that. He was awake through the entire procedure, sitting on a chair in the operating room with the doctor carefully cut the dead, burned skin away from his hand. They bandaged the boiling red flesh beneath.   
Mark was dizzy with pain medicine when they finally rolled him back into the hospital room. He had taken out his phone with his good hand. He had nearly a dozen missed calls from the store and nearly thirty texts from both Johnny and yuta. Mark deleted Johnny’s without even opening them.   
He opened a fresh message to Yuta and replied. ‘Sorry I didn’t make it in today. I had a small accident this morning. I’m at the hospital. I’ll explain tomorrow.’  
It took a few moments for Yuta to respond, but he got a long, worried message that ended with a get well soon. He tucked his phone back into his pocket just as the hospital door opened and Jeno ran to Mark’s bedside.   
“Are you alright?!” He whined.   
Mark smiled, high on the pain medicine pumping through his IV. “I’m alright. There was just some dead skin they had to cut off before they could bandage me up.”  
“I’m so sorry.” Jeno took Mark’s good hand. “I didn’t mean to push you like that. I’m so sorry. I was just so scared.”  
“I know.” Mark dropped his head back onto his pillow and closed his eyes. “I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have put myself in the position to let someone else kiss me. I betrayed your trust and I’m sorry.”  
“Shut up.” Jeno sniffled, wiping at his eyes. “I overreacted again and you’re being way too okay with this.”  
“I’s just cause I love you so much.” Mark had started to slur, his words not quite making sense. The medicine was taking him over and he was asleep before he could even hear Jeno’s next words.


	9. 9 - Does anyone know Yesung of SuJu's real name? I Wonder...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Johnny cares so much and Mark is just so oblivious. 
> 
> It's been nearly two weeks and I haven't yet gotten as much as an email saying that my BTS pre-order of MOTS7 has shipped and I'm starting to get nervous. I spent like 150 bucks for all four versions to be shipped to my state. I have emailed the company though.

Mark had argued with the doctor when he decided that Mark would have to stay overnight and through the next day for observation. He couldn’t see any reason why he would need to stay. They had cut away the dead flesh and given him plenty of pain medicine. He refused to listen to the Doctor’s explanations about further surgeries and infections and changing bandages. He just wanted to go home and rest in his own bed instead of laying in the cold hospital room with Jeno hovering over him.   
He’d considered it lucky when the doctor told Jeno that he couldn’t stay the night. Visiting hours were ending soon and Jeno would have to go home. He apologized the thousandth time to Mark, pressing a kiss to his forehead, before he left with promises of being back after work the very next day.   
Mark was glad that Jeno was gone, but sad also. He felt like he could breathe better with Jeno out of the room. He hadn’t been able to process their argument or his anger towards his boyfriend. He’d been too worried about keeping Jeno calm, repeating over and over that it was only an accident. He was angry, and he wanted to be angry, but Jeno was so pitiful when he was apologetic that Mark couldn’t be mad at him. Until he left the room, and then Mark could barely hold back his tears.   
He hated being alone, the silence gave him too much time to think. He found himself wishing Johnny were there. He always felt comfortable around Johnny, or he had. Recently, he hadn’t felt comfortable with anyone. Johnny had gotten his head all screwed up. He thought he’d had his entire future all planned out. He was going to finish school and get a job at a hospital so that he could put Jeno through college then Jeno could get a job and they could buy a proper house and get married and adopt a kid.   
Then he had to go and meet Johnny and start having doubts. It hurt Mark. More so than Johnny making his heart waver, it hurt than Mark had started doubting his relationship with Jeno. Had Johnny been right? He held up his injured hand, looking at the bandages and the IV tubes running down his arm. The good times were good but the bad times were the worst. Sometimes Mark didn’t know if Jeno loved him or not.   
More than once the younger boy had cut off his phone and disappeared for the night, coming back with flimsy excuses as to where he’d been. It felt like a steel knife on his windpipe, tears stinging in his eyes. He’d denied it for so long. He’d tried so hard to pretend, to hope that things would get better. He loved him too much to walk away.   
A knock on the door startled him out of his thoughts. He shifted himself to sit up properly in his seat. It was too late for visitors and the nurses never knocked. So Mark was surprised to see Taeyong pop his head into the room with a big smile.   
“Hey, you’re up.” He stepped into the room, pulling Yuta along by the hand. Mark’s mouth went dry as Johnny followed behind, holding a bouquet of pink Camellias and purple Hyacinths. Mark liked the combination of colors together dotted with bright purple Irises.   
“What are you guys doing here?” He forced his eyes on Taeyong and Yuta.  
Yuta grinned. “Johnny has a friend who works here. He convinced them to let us in to see you.”  
“But why?” Mark pursed his lips in confusion.   
“Because.” Taeyong responded. “You missed work because you were injured. We’re your friends, so we had to come check on you.”  
“Oh.” Mark licked his lips.   
Johnny finally spoke up for the first time. “We, uh… We brought you some flowers, too.”  
“You mean you brought him flowers.” Yuta shot Johnny a meaningful glare.  
Mark imagined Johnny blushed. “Well, it’s rude to show up at someone’s hospital room without a gift, and flowers are traditional.”  
“I like them.” Mark smiled.   
A smile flickered on Johnny’s face as he stepped forward to hand Mark the flowers.   
He took them carefully, trying not to use his injured hand, and sat them into his lap, sniffing the fragrant smell.   
“What happened?” Yuta asked, taking a seat in the chair next to Mark’s bed.   
Mark shrugged. “I got burned on the stove, it’s nothing serious.”  
“You burned yourself cooking?” Taeyong sat down on the foot of Mark’s bed, eyeing him skeptically.  
“You could say that.” Mark looked down at his hand, picking at the edge of the bandage.   
“How bad is it?” Yuta asked. “Are they letting you out soon?”  
“They did surgery to remove the burned skin. They want to keep me overnight to check it after the swelling has gone down to see if I need any more surgeries, but I think it should be fine.”  
“What did you do?”  
Mark frowned. He didn’t know how to explain what had happened without lying or mentioning his boyfriend. Johnny had leaned against the wall, his expression darkening as they spoke. He knew what the other boy was thinking and this time, Mark couldn’t come up with the words to defend Jeno.   
“Was it him?” Johnny’s dark voice spoke up in the absence of Mark’s response.   
“Who?” Taeyong looked between Mark and Johnny, who were now staring at each other with blank expressions.   
Mark bit his lip and looked at Taeyong, then at Yuta. “I’m sorry, but could you guys let me and Johnny speak privately for a moment?”  
Yuta’s expression fell into one of concern. He looked distrustfully at Johnny, then back at Mark, before pulling Taeyong up. “You guys take your time. I’ll take Taeyong to grab some coffee.”  
Mark stared at the flowers in his hands until the door had clicked shut behind them, leaving Johnny and Mark alone in the room. Johnny hesitated, then stepped forward to take the seat that Yuta had vacated.   
“Was it?” He asked once more, cutting his eyes at Mark.   
Mark sighed, still looking at the flowers. “These were interesting choices for a bouquet.”  
“You’re ignoring the question.”  
“I told you, it was an accident.”  
“Is every time he hurts you an accident?”   
“You know flowers have meanings?”  
“Stop talking about the flowers!” Johnny’s voice rose and Mark flinched instinctively. Johnny bit his lip and cut his eyes down. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to yell.”  
“It’s alright.” Mark whispered, afraid that his voice would crack if he spoke any louder. “But it really was an accident. We were arguing. He shoved me a bit. I tripped and fell onto the stove.”  
“Arguing?” Johnny frowned. “What about?”  
Mark looked up at Johnny and then looked away quickly once more. “It’s not important.”  
“Was it me?” Johnny asked. “Because I kissed you that day?”  
“Why did you?” Mark looked up at Johnny once more, but this time Johnny looked away.   
“I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry.” He muttered, wringing his hands. “That’s what the flowers are really for… I was hoping you could accept my apology. I don’t know what came over me that day and I made a mistake. Now you can barely look at me and I hate it. I just want our friendship back the way it was. I never meant for you to get hurt by him.”  
“It was an accident.” Mark choked on the excuse. Johnny’s words cut him like a hot knife through butter. The kiss had been a mistake. Here Mark was, wavering on the idea of having something with Johnny, and the whole thing had been a mistake. Because Mark remembered Johnny is not gay.  
“Just forgive me, please?” Johnny sounded so desperate; Mark’s stomach twisted. “If I have to go another day watching you look at me like you’re going to start crying if I touch you, I’m going to go insane. I’ve never felt so lonely.”  
“I forgive you.” A tear dripped from Mark’s eye. He wiped it away, blaming it on the pain in his hand. “I didn’t know it was bothering you that much…”  
Johnny sighed, running his hands through his hair. “You have no idea. I felt so guilty, knowing you were in a relationship and I still did that. I lost my senses and I thought you would hate me. I’m supposed to be your friend, your hyung. I’m supposed to make you happy and keep you safe and instead I just brought you pain.”  
“You… blame yourself?” Mark couldn’t breathe. He shook his head. “No. No, no, no, don’t. None of this was your fault.”  
“You don’t understand.” Johnny rubbed at his face, standing up so that he could turn his back to Mark. He paced. “I have to blame myself. The things I’ve been thinking, I’m so ashamed.”  
“What do you mean?” Mark had put the flowers aside carefully, moving to sit at the edge of his bed. He wanted to get up and go to Johnny, to take his hand, feel his comforting touch, but he guessed the medicine was still too thick in his system because his whole body was trembling too much to stand.   
Johnny refused to look at him. “I get so angry, and I don’t understand it. You talk about your relationship like you’re not happy in it, but you refuse to leave him. Some of the things you tell me he says to you, you say it’s so romantic but it sounds terrifying. You show up to work with bruises, he does things to you that you hate, you’re in the hospital for Christ’s sake, and you still defend his actions and stay with him. I hate it. I hate him. I hate him so much it makes me sick.”  
Mark bit his tongue. He forced himself to stand up, using his good hand to hold onto his IV pole to keep himself steady. He heard the tears in Johnny’s voice and when he reached out to touch the older man, Johnny turned around to show the tracks of wet running down his cheeks.   
“Why do you care so much about me?” Mark asked. He knew what he hoped Johnny would say. Looking into the elder’s eyes at that moment, Mark knew one thing undeniably. If Johnny said those words, Mark would be willing to drop everything in that moment.   
Johnny’s eyes widened imperceptibly. Mark couldn’t tell what he was thinking, watching as Johnny’s eyes flicked across his face, searching for something. Mark didn’t know what. His body trembled as Johnny’s hand reached up and touched his face. The elder’s thumb traced his cheekbone, cupping his face in his hand. Mark licked his lips, stomach flipping at the intimate contact.   
Then it was gone as suddenly as it appeared. “I don’t know.” Johnny turned away from Mark again with a deep sigh. “I don’t know what it is about you that makes me feel like I’ve known you all my life. You’re my best friend and I feel like I should be protecting you, but I can’t.”  
“Because we’re friends?” Mark tottered back to his bed and sat down, head swimming.   
Johnny nodded. “Friends.”  
“I can’t leave him.” Mark closed his eyes, feeling like he was being pulled underneath waves. “I can’t…”  
“I wish you would.” Johnny whispered. “I don’t like the way he treats you…”  
“I can’t…”  
“Mark?” Johnny’s voice came to Mark through a tunnel, as if Mark had cotton in his ears. He tried to open his eyes, but it felt like his lids were weighted with lead. The room began to spin and Mark fell like he was falling through the sky.   
Warm arms wrapped around him, like ropes around his body. He could hear shouting and his body was moving of its own accord. He felt suffocated, swallowed. Hands, pressing in on him. He forgot where he was, what was going on. He couldn’t feel anything, see anything.   
Panic filled him; he could hear a rapid beeping beneath the frantic voices of many people. He tried to call out for someone, for anyone, for Johnny. He felt safest with Johnny. He needed Johnny. Then he felt a sharp stinging in his arm and darkness swallowed him whole.


	10. 10 - I realized that I never specified how long Taeyong and Yuta have been together for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jeno is a horrible person. 
> 
> My heart hurts for Johnny. 
> 
> I love how protective Jaena is tho.

Mark spent four days total in the hospital and left with both a bandaged cast on his hand and a prescription for pain killers and anxiety medicine. It made him feel weird and on edge. He’d had two more panic attacks in the hospital after that first one, but once they’d started the medicine, he’d seemed fine. The doctor assured him that the edgy feeling would go away in a few weeks as the medicine got into his system.   
He’d returned home under Jeno’s watchful gaze. Every spare moment, his boyfriend was at the hospital with him, and Jeno wouldn’t let anyone else visit while he was there. More than once, Mark had woken up to the sound of Jeno telling a nurse he refused to have any other visitors. Mark asked him about it, but Jeno had gotten defensive and insisted it was for Mark’s own good that he be allowed to rest and not be disturbed.   
At the apartment, Jeno practically shoved Mark into the bedroom. Mark had been surprised to see that the old, broken bed had been replaced with a brand new one. Of course, Jeno wouldn’t tell him where he’d got the money to afford something like that. Mark wasn’t going to complain too much, it was comfortable and Jeno wouldn’t let him get up out of it for another two days, but Mark needed to go back to work.   
He was nervous to bring the conversation up with Jeno, because he knew how the younger would be. He’d been hinting hard since the accident that Mark should just take the opportunity to leave his job, but Mark’s phone was blown up every single day both in the work group chat and private chats from his coworkers asking how he was and when he would be back.   
He decided to wait until after dinner to start the conversation, when the two of them were sitting on the couch with a bowl of popcorn between them watching a show on television.   
“I’m going to the shop tomorrow.” He kept his eyes fixed on the screen. “I’m going to talk to Yuta about getting put back on the schedule.”  
He felt Jeno tense next to him. “I don’t want you to go back there.”  
Mark sighed. “I know that, but it’s my job. I’m not just going to quit because I got injured.”  
“It’s not that.” Jeno was frowning hard. “I don’t think you need to be around that Johnny guy anymore.”  
“Johnny?” Mark finally looked at Jeno. “What does he have to do with this?”  
Jeno turned a glare on Mark, making the older shrink back a little. “Because he tried to rape you!”  
“He never!” Mark squeaked in surprise, but he wasn’t expecting Jeno’s reaction.   
Jeno stood up and spun on Mark, throwing the bowl of popcorn across the room. It crashed into the wall and shattered, spilling popcorn and ceramic everywhere. “How could you defend him?! He forced himself on you! He kissed you!”  
“It was just a kiss!” Mark had stood up now as well. Jeno seemed so much larger, so much more imposing, when Mark was cowered into a corner of the couch. Standing relieved that a little, giving Mark the courage to argue back with Jeno. “He didn’t force himself on me! He’s a good person! He just – “  
Mark’s words were cut off with a sharp sting to the side of his face. He stumbled back into the coffee table and fell over backwards, putting his hands out to catch his fall. He screamed out as the weight hit his casted hand, tugging at the stitches he’d received. Jeno had slapped him. Mark’s ears rang with the force of the blow and the shock.   
He looked up at Jeno with wide eyes full of fear. Jeno sighed, rubbing at the bridge of his nose. Unlike when he’d hurt Mark by pushing him, he didn’t seem shocked or surprised, or even upset. He seemed more annoyed than anything. Jeno stepped over the table and knelt down in front of Mark. The smaller boy flinched when Jeno reached out to him, but Jeno took Mark’s injured hand gently in his own.   
“Why did you have to make me so angry?” Jeno whispered, running his thumb gently over the sore spot. He pressed a gentle kiss to it, all while Mark watched on in stunned silence. “You’ve gotten yourself hurt again trying to defend him. Do you just like making me angry?”  
Mark bit his lip and looked at the ground, unable to look the man who’d just knocked him into the wall in the eyes. “I’m sorry.” He muttered. “I didn’t mean to make you angry.”  
“It’s alright.” Jeno petted Mark’s hair and gently helped him up off the ground. “I just can’t stand the thought of that man touching what’s mine.”  
Mark whimpered. “I don’t want to quit my job. I like it there.”  
Jeno sighed again and pressed a kiss to the top of Mark’s head, pulling the smaller, shaking, boy in for a hug. When Mark pulled away, he licked his dry lips and gave Jeno the most innocent look he could muster. The one that had always been able to win him over in the beginning.   
“If I promise not to speak to Johnny anymore, can I keep my job?” Mark asked, tears stinging in the corners of his eyes. The idea of walking into that building at ignoring his best friend’s presence was almost too much to bear, but it was still better than the sinking in his stomach when he thought of never being able to even see any of them ever again.   
Jeno frowned, but he seemed to be thinking about it. After a long while in which Mark feared he may get slapped again, Jeno nodded. “Fine. You promise you won’t ever speak to him again? You won’t even look at him? Because you’re mine, and I don’t share.”  
Mark nodded, feeling like he just wanted to lock himself in the bathroom and vomit. “Thank you, Jeno.” He whispered in a shaky voice.   
“I love you, Mark.” Jeno tilted Mark’s face up and pressed a kiss to his lips. “Please don’t make me angry again?”  
“I love you too, Jeno.” Mark had never imagined there would be a time when he would say those words and not trust if he meant them before now.

Johnny had been nothing but a giant ball of anxiety and worry for the past two weeks. He and the others had been shunned from the hospital for a week. He’d been alright with it because Mark was still responding in their chats, but it had been three days since Mark had stopped responding to any of them.   
Taeyong had been doing his best to try and improve Johnny’s mood, but all of them were starting to get nervous. Johnny was just more nervous than the others. He couldn’t help but wonder if somehow Mark’s absence were his fault. Had he figured out the secret meaning in Johnny’s flowers? Had his boyfriend done something to him because of the kiss? Had Mark just taken this absence as an excuse to leave and not come back?  
“Johnny, are you sure you don’t need to go home?” Taeyong pulled him out of his dazed thoughts.   
“I’m fine.” Johnny shook his head and went back to wiping down the counter.   
“You’ve been cleaning that same spot for twenty minutes.”  
“So?”  
“When was the last time you actually went home?”  
“Does it matter?”  
Taeyong took the rag from Johnny’s hand. “It matters when you’re running yourself dry. You’ve practically been sleeping up here. I get it, you’re worried. We’re all worried. But you can’t put your own health at risk.”  
“I’m not…” Johnny hung his head, though, because he knew that it was true.   
“You can’t stay here open to close every single day just because you want him to come back.” Taeyong repeated.   
Johnny sighed. “I know. I just…”  
“He’ll show back up when he’s ready.” Taeyong put a comforting hand on Johnny’s shoulder. “Now please, go take a break. You haven’t eaten all day.”  
“Fine.” Johnny grabbed his water bottle from beneath the counter and started to shuffle his way into the break room. He was thinking about how nice it would be to have a quick nap on the couch – that he wouldn’t admit to Taeyong he had actually been sleeping on – when he rounded the corner and nearly bumped into Jaena.   
The girl was standing in the middle of the aisle with a stack of books in her arm, looking at the door as if she’d just seen a ghost. Johnny muttered an apology for almost running her down, but when she didn’t seem to respond, he turned to see what had gotten her attention.   
His heart jumped into his throat. Mark. The younger boy stood in the doorway, looking around as if the place were brand new. Johnny took in his appearance like it were the first time he was seeing him all over again. His fluffy blonde hair and the grey turtleneck he had pulled up to just beneath his ears, the bandage wrapped around his hand caused Johnny to pause again as guilt filled him.  
Jaena seemed to be the first to react as she let out a loud squeal and dropped the stack of books in her arms to run right up to Mark to envelope him in a hug. Johnny let the shock wash over him for another moment, until Taeyong came up behind him and punched him lightly in the shoulder on his way to greet the other boy.   
Yuta had come out of wherever he was hiding as well with Lucas. Johnny stood at a distance as they all swarmed him. Mark smiled softly and the sight sent butterflies through Johnny’s stomach. He’d missed his friend so much, and now that he was here, he was unsure.   
Mark was talking in nearly a whisper as Johnny approached. He seemed to be explaining his lack of communication.   
“Mark.” Johnny hoped his voice didn’t tremble when he spoke. “Hi.”  
Mark was silent and Johnny felt the rocks hit the bottom of his stomach. The younger boy stared hard at his feet and licked his lips. He looked nervous, scared.   
“Yuta…” Mark’s whispered voice croaked out. “Could we maybe talk in private?”  
Yuta, even a few of the others, looked curiously between Johnny and his best friend who had just ignored his greeting. Yuta muttered out. “Yeah, let’s go to my office.”  
Yuta put a hand on Marks shoulder and lead him past Johnny and towards the others. Johnny frowned and watched as the two disappeared into the back of the store.   
“Dude, what the hell was that?” Lucas asked, scratching his head.   
“What do you mean?” Johnny feigned ignorance.   
“Johnny, he like…straight up gave you the cold shoulder.” Taeyong responded.   
“Did you do something to him?” There was a threat in Jaena’s voice when she spoke that made Johnny take a step back.   
“No!” He threw his hands up, but he couldn’t help but think about the idea that this had something to do with the kiss.   
“He looked like he was terrified of you, dude.” Lucas spoke again.   
“I’m going on break.” Johnny snapped before spinning around and storming into the break room.   
He hadn’t been hoping to catch the office door open and eves drop on the conversation. He hadn’t been hoping that Mark would make his way into the break room and speak to him. He hadn’t been hoping that if neither of these things happened that he could camp out in the breakroom until Mark left because he didn’t think he would be man enough not to break down.   
Johnny kicked a locker and cursed under his breath at the sharp pain in his toes. He’d done something stupid and impulsive and he’d kissed his best friend. He’d made his best friend get into an argument with his boyfriend that had caused him to become hospitalized. He’d brought flowers, stupid flowers, to his hospital room. His best friend had not spoken to him in weeks and when he finally showed back up, refused to look at him or greet him, or speak to him at all.   
It felt like hours before anyone else entered the break room. It was Mark. Johnny sat up on the couch and looked at him, but the younger boy kept his eyes on his feet. In the thickest silence Johnny had ever heard, Mark walked across the room to his locker, pulled some things out, and then left the room. He didn’t look at Johnny, or even acknowledge that he was in the room.   
After Mark walked out, Taeyong walked in. He dropped down on the couch and put his arm around Johnny’s shoulders. Johnny sighed and put his head in his hands. He was shaking.   
“I wouldn’t suggest going out there right now.” Taeyong muttered. “In fact, you might want to grab your stuff and take the back exit out for a few days.”  
Johnny looked up at him, confused. “What?”  
Taeyong gave him a sympathetic look. “Jaena’s pissed. At you.”  
“Me?”  
Taeyong nodded, patting Johnny’s shoulder before standing up to pace the room. “So, Mark is going to come back to work starting tomorrow, but…” Taeyong bit his lip. “I don’t know if I should tell you…”  
“Tell me.” Johnny snapped.   
“Fine, it’s your heart.” Taeyong shrugged. “Mark asked Yuta if he could make sure you and he weren’t scheduled on the same shifts anymore.”  
“He…” Johnny’s blood froze in his veins. He felt like he could wretch and was suddenly glad his stomach was empty. “He…doesn’t want to work with me?”  
Taeyong nodded. “He won’t give a reason why, he’s just asked to be on different shifts. So, of course, Jaena thinks you’ve done something to him.” There was a long pause before Taeyong spoke again, hesitant. “Did you? Do something to him?”  
Johnny looked up at Taeyong with wide eyes. “No! I mean I… I didn’t… No!”  
Taeyong’s sympathetic expression hurt Johnny. He couldn’t process it. Mark hated him so much that he didn’t even want to be in the same building with him anymore. Taeyong sighed, patting Johnny’s shoulder once more.   
“You should go home. We’ve got coverage for tonight. You’re off tomorrow. Johnny, please.” He begged.   
Johnny hung his head, his entire body shaking. “It’s probably best.”  
He grabbed his things and took Taeyong’s advice, using the back door. He walked around to the front of the store and disappeared in his black Porsche without even glancing back to see if he could spot Mark inside the store.


	11. 11 - My birthday is soon. I'm going to be old.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Abusive elements are present at the end of this chapter. 
> 
> Johnny cares more than he admits. 
> 
> Mark has given up.

Johnny’s found the next few weeks harder than when he’d found his Ex had been cheating on him. Yuta and Taeyong had collaborated their schedules so that Mark didn’t have any shifts at all with Johnny. Yuta had even had a serious conversation with him the next time he’d gone into the shop and asked him not to drop by off the clock while Mark was there if it could be helped. He didn’t know what had gone on between the two of them, so until Mark was ready, Johnny needed to stay away – that’s what Yuta had told him.   
Staying away had been harder than Johnny had thought. He hadn’t realized how much of his free time he’d actually spent sitting up at the shop when he wasn’t on shift until he no longer dropped by every single day. He also realized just how much his drinking increased when all he had to do was sit alone in his empty apartment all day.   
He started his drinking around noon when he woke up, sitting on his pristine leather sofa with a stupid movie playing on the flat screen. His apartment was spotless, not because he took care of it himself, but because his parents paid someone to come by every few days and do his cleaning for him. If it had been up to him, he’d have had a big plush sofa covered in pizza stains and the floor would have so many clothes on it that he wouldn’t be able to tell that it was freshly polished marble.  
It had looked lived it at one point in his life, not long ago. When he had his ex over so many nights a week it was like she practically lived there. He remembered curling up on the sofa with a warm fuzzy blanket, his arms around her as she curled up in his lap, hiding her face during the scary parts of the movie. He remembered impromptu pizza nights when they’d gotten so distracted making out while they were supposed to be cooking that dinner couldn’t be saved and take out was the next best option.   
He thought about those moments, the happy moments, when he was drinking. Ironic, he thought, when he was sober he only remembered the times she cancelled plans without an explanation. He would think about the lonely nights sleeping alone because he’d gotten so used to her staying the night, but suddenly she was always too busy. He would think about the nights she did stay and how her phone would go off in the middle of the night and she suddenly had a password. He would think about the day he found out what was really going on, walking into her apartment with some flowers and a necklace because he hadn’t seen her in a week, only to find her on her back with another man on top of her.   
When his mind wandered to these dangerous places, it had always been Mark who had drawn him away from the darkness. The boy had come into his life at just the right time, when Johnny had felt like the whole world was going to swallow him whole and he wasn’t sure anymore if he wanted to keep fighting it. Mark had been like a beacon of light in the raging storm, leading him back to the calm shores.   
Now, his North Star had disappeared from his sky, and he was slipping right back into that old pattern of behavior. He hated himself for it. He couldn’t keep doing this to himself. He groaned, wanting to spend his day off getting drunk and forgetting the rest of the world, but he couldn’t do that. He didn’t want to go back to that, and he was so dangerously close.   
So, with as much effort as he could, he pulled himself off the couch, dumped the rest of his unfinished beer, and went to take a shower. He got dressed in some torn jeans and a t-shirt with his favorite leather jacket, fixed his hair just the way he liked it, brushed his teeth, and put on his favorite pair of combat boots. Then he grabbed his keys and disappeared out of his door.   
He drove around for a while, mindlessly, trying to come up with something to do on an early Friday afternoon. He couldn’t go to the store, Mark was there. He was tempted to drive by and see if he could spot the boy through a window, but that would just be creepy and Johnny wasn’t that kind of person. It wasn’t late enough to go to a bar, but it was too early to really go get something to eat.   
It was a coincidence that he finally decided what he was going to do with his afternoon, when he happened to drive past the print shop and saw the familiar female cashier struggling with a box in the back of a van. He spun his car around and pulled into the parking lot, coming to a stop right next to the van.   
“Hey.” He stepped out of his car looking like a supermodel and the girl nearly dropped the box on herself. “Let me help you with that.”  
“Thanks.” She blushed, but let him take the box, which he admitted was quite heavy, and heaved it into the back of the van for her. When she shut the doors of the van, she turned to him with a curious smile, blush still on her face. “I wasn’t expecting to see you today, your store doesn’t have any orders right now.”  
“I didn’t come for work.” Johnny put on the charm, smiling down at the girl. He ignored the memory in the back of his mind of Mark’s adorable pout last time he was here, when this same girl was shamelessly flirting with him.   
“Oh?” She twisted her hair around her finger, smiling flirtatiously at him. “What brings you by, then?”  
Johnny bit his lip and looked off into the distance before cutting his eyes back at her with a smile. “When do you get off work?”  
“Oh!” The girl’s blush intensified. “Are you asking me out?”  
Johnny shrugged. “Depends on if you’re going to say yes or not.”  
The girl giggled. “That depends, what happened to your boyfriend?”  
Johnny frowned. “The boy I brought with me last time?”  
She nodded.   
“Not my boyfriend.” He smiled back at her, ignoring the sinking in his stomach. “Just a coworker.”  
The girl’s smile widened even more. “Actually, I’m off in about twenty minutes, if you want to hang around?”  
Johnny nodded, grinning as he followed her into the store. 

“Mark?” Ten had been following him around the entire shift. Even though the older boy didn’t work there, he’d been helping Mark with his tasks so much that he felt like Ten should have just taken his name badge and gotten the paycheck himself.   
“What?” He turned around, exasperated. He knew Ten was just trying to help, but Mark just wanted things to go back to normal, or as normal as they could be.   
Ten stepped back, frowning at Mark’s outburst. “Sorry…”  
Mark shook his head. “No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t snap at you. You’re just trying to help.”  
“I’m being overbearing again, aren’t I?” Ten grinned sheepishly. “Lucas is always telling me I do that. I don’t know how he puts up with me.”  
“Because he loves you.” Mark rolled his eyes. “Obviously.”  
Mark turned back to the shelf, carefully using his left while he kept his injured one against his chest. He had another Doctor’s appointment on Monday to have it looked at, but it seemed to him to be healing fine. He’d been afraid the stitches had ripped the first day that Jeno had hit him to the ground, but he’d been wrong. He frowned, thinking about that day.   
“Can I ask you something?” Ten bit his lip, nervous expression on his face. He’d spoken in English.   
Mark sighed. “It is about the change in my schedule?”  
“Kind of.” Ten gave a sheepish smile and Mark grunted.   
“I don’t want to talk about it.” Mark muttered, turning back to his work.   
“Did he do something?” Ten asked, ignoring Mark. “Did he hurt you or something? That’s all we want to know.”  
“No.” Mark’s expression was blank. He hated this, hated it more than anything. Nothing felt okay anymore. Mark hadn’t meant for any of this to happen. He hadn’t mean for any of this to go so far. He didn’t want to feel this way.   
“I didn’t think he’d have hurt you.” Ten muttered. “Johnny isn’t that type of person.”  
He didn’t miss the way Mark flinched at the name, as if he had been slapped across the face. Mark tried to ignore Ten’s thoughtful silence and continue his work.  
“Listen, whatever is going on between you and Johnny, I really hope that you can work it out.” Ten spoke softly and in English still. “You didn’t know what he used to be like, but… You were good for him. He’s hurting without you.”  
“He’s fine.” Mark’s voice cracked when he spoke. “It’s not like we were dating or anything. He’s not even gay.”  
Ten was silent for a long moment. “I’m going to tell you this because I know that no one else is going to, and because I think you need to hear it. So listen, alright?”  
Mark was silent, but he’d stopped his working and Ten took that as proof he was listening.   
Ten sighed. “Johnny is the type of person who falls quickly, and he falls hard. He’s an all or nothing kind of lover. So when he walked in on his Ex fucking some other dude, it broke him in a way I hadn’t known possible. It was bad, Mark. We were starting to consider having him committed. Lucas thought he’d started using or something.”  
“Why are you telling me this?” Mark interrupted, his throat dry and his stomach in knots. He could feel a panic attack building inside of him and tried to remember if he’d put his pills in his bag today.   
Ten was looking at him with such pity that Mark couldn’t keep looking at him without feeling sorry for himself. “Because he isn’t like that anymore, and the only thing in his life that’s changed has been you.”  
“Me?” Mark’s eyes went wide.  
Ten nodded. “It had been months since he’d last smiled before you started working here, but suddenly he was smiling. He was coming to work on time, not drunk. He was…himself again. And I don’t have to guess that it was because of you. You’re his best friend.”  
“He’s not in love with me.” Mark frowned, reading the hint in Ten’s words.   
Ten just shrugged. Lucas’s voice could be heard, ringing through the store, calling Ten’s name. He turned to walk off, leaving the conversation at that, but before he disappeared, he left Mark with one last statement to think about.   
“Just so you know,” Ten said. “Not gay doesn’t always mean straight.”  
Mark watched him disappear and just stood there, blinking. Ten’s words played over and over again in his head for the rest of his shift. He hadn’t ever entertained the possibility that Johnny could be in love with him, that Johnny could even be attracted to him. They were just friends. Johnny was always a particularly touchy person. He’d lost his senses one time and decided to try and make Mark believe he was attractive by kissing him, but that had been a stupid mistake. One that made Mark’s heart ache like he’d been stabbed with a hot poker.   
He’d kept to himself the rest of that shift, his mind working around with the information Ten had given him. As usual, he tried to find a way to stall having to leave, but no amount of tedious cleaning could keep him in the store for too long. He even opted to walk the entire way home instead of taking the bus.   
He slipped his key in the lock quietly, hoping that Jeno would be asleep when he arrived home and that he wouldn’t have to deal with his boyfriend. Mark hated the fear inside of him at the idea of facing his boyfriend. He hated being afraid. He’d never pictured himself as someone who would get themselves into this kind of situation.   
The door swung open and Mark whimpered at the sounds of the television playing and the clinking of a bottle. Jeno had been drinking again. Mark hated it when Jeno drank. Personally, Mark had never had alcohol himself, but Jeno had taken to drinking the stuff a few months after Mark had moved in with him. Lately, he’d gone from a bottle or two a night to an entire six pack or more on his own.   
Mark dropped his back by the door and shuffled into the living room. Jeno was sitting on the couch, beer in hand, once again not wearing a shirt.   
“You’re home late.” His voice was slurred and there was already a tone of anger in his voice.   
“Sorry.” Mark muttered. “I didn’t make it to the bus stop on time and I had to walk all the way home.”  
“And you didn’t think to text me?”  
“Sorry.” Mark hung his head.   
“Come here.” Jeno ordered.  
Mark shuffled over in front of the couch so that Jeno could see him properly. Jeno looked him up and down with glossy eyes and a frown.  
“That sweater is disgusting, did you really leave the house in that trash?” He spat.  
Mark tugged at the sleeve. “It was a gift from my aunt.” The only family member who still spoke to him. “I thought it was nice…”  
“You would.” Jeno rolled his eyes. “I don’t like it. Take it off.”  
“Jeno…” Mark pleaded. “Please…”  
“Take. It. Off.” He glared.  
Mark quickly tugged himself out of the turtleneck, exposing his bare chest. He hated being shirtless lately. He’d been losing weight and his ribs had started to poke out. His skin was marred now, with scratches and bruises. He bundled the sweater up in front of him, trying to hide behind it. He felt disgusting.   
Jeno glanced around and Mark whimpered when Jeno reached for a pair of scissors laying on the coffee table. He brandished them at Mark, waving the sharp end in his direction.   
“Destroy that ugly piece of crap.” He ordered. “I don’t ever want to see it again.”  
“Please.” Mark could already feel the tears in his eyes. “Please, no.”  
“Do you want to make me angry?”  
Mark took the scissors from Jeno, a tear slipping down his face. With shaky hands, he took the scissors to the expensive fabric, cutting until the sweater was in shreds. He whimpered, trying to keep standing strong.   
Jeno stood up, hitting the scissors and destroyed cloth from Mark’s hands. He grabbed him by the wrists, face close enough that Mark could smell the alcohol on his breath. Jeno looked him up and down like some kind of livestock.   
“You’ve really let yourself go.” He spat. “You look disgusting.”  
“S…sorry.” Mark whimpered. His entire body trembled in fear.   
Jeno scoffed, then his grip on Mark’s wrists disappeared, only for his fingers to wrap into Mark’s hair and grab him hard. Mark yelped out in pain, grabbing at Jeno’s hand on his scalp. The larger boy started pulling Mark towards the bedroom and Mark’s pleas became more and more desperate.  
“Shut up.” Jeno snapped at him, throwing him onto the mattress. “You belong to me and I can do what I want with you. Isn’t that right?”  
Mark used his good hand to wipe the tears from his eyes, but he nodded. It hurt less if he agreed.


	12. 12 - I think Mark has relationship PTSD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jeno is a horrible person featuring Mark has a panic attack.
> 
> Johnny is desperate to know what's going on. 
> 
> Jaena likes Mark's best.

Mark limped through his shift the next day. He knew the other’s eyes were on him, but no one said anything. He’d brushed them off the first couple of days, but when he’d blown up and yelled at Jaena one day they had all decided not to ask him about his limping or his bruises or his black eye anymore. It was better that way, but Mark hated how everyone seemed to be walking on eggshells around him.   
It wouldn’t be forever, he told himself. Jeno was mad, he had a right to be. Mark had cheated on him when he’d kissed Johnny. But Mark didn’t talk to Johnny anymore. He didn’t see Johnny any more. Soon, Jeno would see that Mark was faithful and he would stop being angry. Then things could go back to normal. He just had to hold out until then.   
His shoulder was sore, and shelving books today seemed impossible. He was grateful for his coworkers. Anywhere else, he was sure that he wouldn’t be given as much consideration as he was here. Yuta shot him worried looks from time to time, but he gave Mark a simple task and gave him as much time as he needed to get it done. He hadn’t come to check on Mark yet and it had been a few hours. He’d barely finished half of the work that would normally be done by now.   
“Mark.” He’d been waiting for Yuta to come by and turned around with a nervous smile .  
“Yes?”  
“How’s it coming?” He asked, eyeing the still full cart of books.   
Mark bit his lip, glancing behind him at his work. “Sorry, I know it’s taking longer than usual.”  
“You okay?”  
“My roommate and I were replacing the couch yesterday and I hurt my shoulder helping to carry the new one up the stairs to our apartment. It’ll be fine in a few days.” Mark had never been a good liar and he wondered if Yuta could tell.   
If he could, Yuta didn’t say anything. Instead, he told Mark something else. “Mark, I need to talk to you about something. Do you want to go into my office or…?” He motioned around them.   
“What’s wrong?” Was he about to get fired, he wondered? No, he wouldn’t be that pessimistic.   
Yuta ruffled his own hair, that he’d newly died a rich, vibrant red color. “We’re having a bit of an issue with some upper-level stuff that needs to be sorted before the regional meeting tomorrow. I’m telling you because it means that we need… We need Johnny to come in for a while to sort the stuff out for us.”  
“Oh.” Mark’s stomach flipped at the mention of the other man’s name. After his conversation with Ten, Mark had been feeling twice as bad for what he’d done to the person he claimed as a best friend.  
“Are you going to be alright with him here, too?” Yuta asked.   
Mark swallowed, aware that his entire frame had started to tremble. His eyes moved wildly around, trying to think straight. His thoughts were everywhere. On how much he wanted to see the other man. On the type of beating he’d get from Jeno if he found out that Johnny had been by while Mark was there. On how he should react if Johnny attempted to speak to him again.   
“Mark?” Yuta’s voice was louder than Mark expected. He felt a firm grip on his arms and jumped, pushing Yuta away from him with a startled yell. “Mark!”  
Mark blinked, breathing hard, looking around wildly. He heard Yuta’s voice and tried to focus in on him, trembling. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Oh my god, I’m so sorry.”  
“Mark, are you okay?” Taeyong’s voice joined the buzzing in Mark’s ears.  
“I don’t know.” Yuta responded. “I touched him and he started freaking out.”  
“Mark?” Taeyong stepped in front of him, but made sure not to touch him. “Mark, are you okay?”  
Mark’s mouth had gone dry. The ringing was so loud, the sound of his heart pounding hard in his chest. He could feel tears prick at his eyes as the panic overwhelmed him. He whimpered as he felt a pair of soft hands on his elbow. They were small, fragile hands, and a soft, feminine voice.   
“It’s alright, Mark.” Jaena’s voice spoke softly in his ear. “You’re safe, it’s alright. Mark, can you come with me?”  
Mark whimpered, shaking his head violently. He didn’t want to move, afraid that he would shake so hard he wouldn’t stay on his feet.   
“We need to get you into the back, Mark.” Jaena’s calming voice spoke once more. “Can you walk?”  
Again, he shook his head.   
“Can we carry you? Is that alright?” Her soft voice added.  
He nodded, flinching when she felt her hands on him. She was a good few inches shorter than him, but she was able to easily pick him up like a sack of potatoes. He wrapped his arms around her and buried his head into her neck as she whispered comfortingly to him. He closed his eyes, feeling like he was four years old again and curled up in his mother’s arms to hide from the storm and thunder outside.   
She carried him easily and he held onto her, a distant ringing in the air. Then a painfully familiar voice.   
“Hey, Yuta I’m – “Johnny’s voice broke through the silence. “What’s going on? What’s happened?”  
Mark felt like he would hurl, his entire body screamed out as if his soul were being wrenched from his flesh. A sob broke through is lips and he clung tighter to Jaena.   
“Get him to the back.” Yuta’s voice ordered. “Taeyong, go with them.”  
“Wait…” Johnny’s voice called again, but Mark could hear nothing but his own sobs.   
Jaena put him carefully onto the couch in the break room. She wiped his tears and whispered comfortingly to him. “Hey, Hey, Mark, sweetie. Taeyong is here with you, alright?”  
“Hey, Mark.” Taeyong muttered, kneeling down in front of him. “Everything is okay, alright?”  
He sounded unsure, afraid, looking to Jaena for guidance in this situation. Mark just wanted to curl into himself and disappear. His friends were too kind to him.   
“Mark, you’re having a panic attack.” Jaena said. “Right?”  
He was able to nod.  
“Do you have any medicine for it?” She asked.   
He nodded, lifting a shaking hand towards the locker where his things were. Taeyong jumped up right away to get the bag and find the bottle of pills inside of it.   
“What happened?” Jaena asked. “What triggered this?”  
Taeyong frowned, carefully helping Mark to hold the cup of water and the pills. “I don’t know. Yuta was talking to him. I think…he was asking Mark if it would be okay for…” He didn’t say the name, afraid Mark would freak out again. Mark only felt ashamed. “Him to come by today.”  
“Him?” Jaena sounded angry. “Mark, Taeyong is going to stay in here with you until you calm down and you feel like coming back out again, alright?”  
Mark sniffled and nodded.   
“Take your time and don’t worry about anything, alright? Stay in here as long as you need to.” She turned to Taeyong. “Take care of him, or it’s your ass next.”  
“Yes, Ma’am.” Taeyong nodded.   
Jaena turned around and disappeared out the door as Mark tried to steady his breathing, and to not think about what it was she was about to go do. 

Johnny stared at where Jaena had disappeared with Mark, Yuta’s hand on his chest to keep him from following behind. His heart twisted and pounded in his chest.   
“I asked you not to come until I told you.” Yuta sounded angry.   
“I know.” Johnny continued to look past him. “But I was in the area dropping off HaNa, so I went ahead and came by. What happened to Mark?”  
“Who is Hana?” Yuta asked.  
“My girlfriend.” Johnny responded, trying again to put past Yuta. “Is Mark okay?”  
“Don’t you dare go back there.” Yuta frowned.  
Johnny growled in frustration. “Tell me what the fuck is happening in my store, Yuta!”  
“Mark had a goddamned panic attack at the sound of your name.” Jaena’s voice startled him, bursting out of the back room and coming closer quickly. “He burst into tears when he heard your voice. What the hell have you done to him?!”  
Johnny didn’t get a chance to answer because the pissed, small girl had reached him first. Her fist collided with his face and he stumbled backwards onto the ground, cupping his nose. He could feel the blood in his hands, the tears stinging his eyes at the force of her punch.   
“I didn’t do anything!” Johnny yelled, holding his hands up when she advanced on him again. “I don’t know what’s going on! I don’t know what I did!”   
Jaena paused, glaring at him, because Yuta had reached out and taken her wrist in his hand.   
“Jaena, don’t.” He whispered, looking at Johnny in concern.   
Johnny pushed himself up on the floor into a sitting position, wiping his bloody nose on his sleeve. He sighed. “He had a panic attack because he heard my name?”  
It must have been something in his tone that made Jaena’s fury subside. One moment, she’d been ready to kick his ass. The next, she was pulling out some napkins and sitting on the floor next to him, dabbing at his swollen nose.   
“No one’s been able to get him to tell us what’s been going on.” Jaena muttered. “He’s been like this since he came back. He’s not eating, he never smiles, he looks broken…”  
“I don’t know what I did…” Johnny’s voice croaked. “I mean I…” He bit his lip.  
“You what?” Yuta asked.   
Johnny sighed. He might as well confess. “The week before he disappeared, I… I kissed him.”  
“You what?” Jaena’s voice held no emotion and that terrified Johnny more than when she was angry.   
He bit his lip. “I don’t know. I just happened. But I apologized!”  
“Of course, he’s mad at you!” Jaena growled. “He’s freaking in love with you and you went and kissed him then apologized for it.”  
“He’s not in love with me!” Johnny hissed. “He’s got a boyfriend.”  
“He what?” Yuta asked.   
Johnny slapped his hand over his mouth, eyes widening in terror. “Oh. No, no, no no. Forget I said that. I didn’t say anything. I promised him I wouldn’t say anything. Fuck. You didn’t hear that!”   
Yuta and Jaena shared a look. Johnny frowned. He pulled himself up off the ground and ran his hands through his hair.   
“Is he going to be okay?” He asked.  
“Taeyong got him his anxiety medicine and is going to sit in the breakroom with him until he feels like coming back out.” Jaena responded.   
“Johnny, I think it’s probably best if you stay out of the way.” Yuta frowned.   
Johnny growled. “This is ridiculous. I fucking own this business and I can’t even be here to do my own damn job.”  
“I know it’s frustrating.” Jaena gave him a motherly look so far removed from the angry ninja she had just been moments ago. “But Mark is going through something right now. Until he’s ready, until he’s healed from whatever it is he’s going through. If you care about him, you’ll just do this.”  
Johnny fumed, but he knew that she was right. As much as he hated it, as much as it ripped his heart in two to think that Mark hated him so much, he would react like that upon seeing him, Johnny knew that he needed to keep his distance.   
He sighed, running his hand through his hair. “I’ll just do my work in Taeyong’s office then.”  
Yuta nodded. “Thanks.”  
Johnny disappeared into the back, pausing outside of the break room. Mark was just on the other side of that door. His heart ached and his fingers itched to break into the room and drop onto his knees to beg Mark to just talk to him, to look at him, anything. Tears stung at his eyes again, but not because of his sore nose this time.   
He had let his guard down with Mark, let the boy get under his skin, and once more, he’d messed everything up. He should have stayed home where he’d left his half-empty bottle of whiskey. He stopped himself with his hand on the doorknob when he heard a noise from inside of the room.   
“How are you feeling?” It was Taeyong’s voice.   
“Better.” Mark’s voice sounded raspy and broken. Bile rose in Johnny’s throat. He had done that.   
“Do you want to talk about it?” Taeyong asked.   
There was a long silence, Johnny held his breath outside the door, listening.   
“I’m sorry.” Mark’s voice was barely a whisper, almost too low for Johnny to make out. “I’m causing everyone so much trouble.”  
“It’s no trouble.” Johnny could imagine the way Taeyong’s hair swished when he shook his head. “You know we’re all your friends and we care about you. We just want to make sure you’re okay.”  
“I know.” He could imagine the way Mark’s hair covered his eyes as he stared at his hands. He wondered if he’d been able to remove the bandage yet, how were his stitches.   
“We’re all worried about you, Mark.” Taeyong’s voice was soft.  
“I’m sorry.” Mark sniffled.   
“Don’t cry.” Taeyong was probably wiping Mark’s tears from his soft cheeks. The warmth rising in Johnny’s chest was definitely not jealousy. “You know we’re all here for you. Anything you need, or want to talk about.”  
“Th…thank you.”  
There was a long silence and Johnny had almost stopped to turn around and leave, afraid they would be about to leave the room, until he heard Taeyong ask one more question.   
“I just need to know.” Taeyong had spoken, “He didn’t do anything to you, did he?”  
Johnny’s heart froze in his chest. He knew that he should have been angry that all his friends assumed that he was the one who had hurt Mark, but he knew that none of them knew Mark had a boyfriend who had shoved him into a burning stove because Johnny had dared to lose control of his emotions for five whole seconds.   
“What’s going on.” Mark’s words run brightly inside Johnny’s ears. “It’s not because of something he did. It’s…It’s something I’ve done. I’m sorry I’ve made such a mess of things.”  
“It’s life.” Taeyong responded. “It’s just like that sometimes.”  
Finally, Johnny disappeared into the office to try and get some work done.


	13. 13 - Lucas was right

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mark is stubborn. 
> 
> Johnny isn't beneath begging.
> 
> I really don't like Jeno.

Mark had sat in the breakroom for an hour with Taeyong, talking about everything and nothing. He was a very kind hyung to speak to. He was comforting and knew all the right things to say, and he was also very good at getting Mark’s mind off of things.   
When he emerged from the back with Taeyong’s arm around his shoulders, he was still a bit shaky, but he was going to be alright. He was stronger than he felt. He gave Jaena a half smile when he walked up to the front counter.   
She smiled back. “Did you have a nice break?”  
Mark nodded. “Thanks. Sorry about that…”  
“No need to apologize.” She smiled. “I totally understand.”  
“I’ll get back to work now.” Mark turned to go back to the books.   
“Don’t worry.” Jaena stopped him. “I finished the books up for you, but go find Yuta. I think he’s got something else that he wants you to start working on.”  
Mark thanked her again and nodded. Yuta was in the coffee shop, standing at the counter with some stacks of paper. Taeyong spun around the counter and leaned over it to give his boyfriend a peck on the lips.   
Yuta looked up to glare at him, but notice Mark standing awkwardly beside him.   
“Yuta…” Mark muttered, staring at his feet. “I wanted to apologize for shoving you. I panicked and I didn’t mean to.”  
“It’s alright.” Yuta responded. “As long as you’re okay now?”  
Mark nodded. “I’m sorry I freaked out.”  
“We were all really worried about you.”  
“I know.” Mark frowned. “But I’m going to be alright. I don’t mean to worry everyone.”  
Yuta nodded. “Are you ready to get back to work? Or do you need to go home for the day?”  
Mark shook his head. “I don’t want to go home. I’m supposed to close.”  
Yuta frowned. “I have to warn you, he’s still here.”  
Mark swallowed a lump in his throat. “I don’t mean to make everyone think that J… Johnny has done something bad. I’m sorry to cause so much trouble.”  
“You don’t have to keep apologizing.” Yuta told him.   
“I feel like I should.” Mark muttered. “I…I can’t tell you what’s going on, but it’s not his fault. I shouldn’t have freaked out like I did. It won’t happen again.”  
Yuta looked at him for a moment, debating on believing him or not. Regardless of what he decided, he sighed and motioned Mark towards one of the seats nearest the doors. He gathered up the bundles of papers and brought them by.   
“What’s all this?” Mark asked.   
“Fliers.” Yuta responded. “We’re having an event next month. This musician wrote a book and he’d going to be stopping by our bookstore to sign copies of it. We’re going to have an open mic in the café after the signing.”  
“That sounds like a lot of fun.” Mark let himself smile softly.   
“So what I need you to do.” Yuta continued. “Is match up the book signing flier with the open mic flier and fold them and stuff them into these envelopes.”  
“That’s pretty easy.” Mark stretched out his injured hand. He’d taken the bandage off a few days ago. He still had a blotchy red scar across his palm, but luckily it had all been skin damage and his muscles and hand were all just fine.   
“Good.” Yuta grinned and pointed towards a stack of boxes by the counter. “Because there’s four thousand of them.”  
Mark squeaked in shock, but he gave a determined smile and sat down to do his work. Yuta patted him on top of his head and disappeared to leave him to his work.   
He was feeling much more comfortable as he put the pages together, folded them, shoved them in envelopes, and sealed them. The envelopes got dropped into an empty box next to him. He worked his way through two boxes before Jaena came to check up on him one last time before she left. He made it halfway through a third box when Yuta came over to kiss Taeyong goodbye and wish Mark a good night.   
It was starting to get dark. Mark frowned. He’d not seen Johnny the entire time that he’d been there, despite being told he was still in the building. He was both happy and sad, afraid that he wouldn’t be able to contain himself, but also unsure of which way that would go. Would he freak out and start crying again, or would he run into Johnny’s arms and beg him for forgiveness?  
He was lost in thought when a sudden ruckus distracted him. He looked up to find Taeyong with his coat on and his keys in his hand. He was frowning at Mark.   
“Mark, listen, I’m so sorry to have to do this to you.” He rushed. “There’s been an emergency. I’ve got to leave.”  
“But what about locking up?” Mark’s throat went dry.   
“I’m sorry.” Taeyong repeated.   
“Taeyong Hyung!” Mark yelled after him, but the elder was already out of the door.   
Mark sighed, falling back into his seat. They hadn’t had a customer for the last half hour. Mark had no clue what to do if anyone walked in for coffee. This late, it was rare though. If he had to, he was sure he could go to the back and get Johnny. Mark let out a soft whimper. This was not a good situation. He was alone in the store with Johnny. Jeno would murder him, he knew it.   
Mark tried not to think about the situation, he just ducked his head back down and went back to stuffing envelopes. 

Taeyong had come to Johnny, stuttering out something about an emergency, he was leaving, Johnny would have to do the locking up, Mark was in the front of the store on his own. Johnny’s mind had started to shut down a good hour ago, staring at files and files of numbers. His eyes were starting to cross, and he’d been fighting going up to the front to make himself a cup of coffee because he didn’t want to upset Mark. He couldn’t keep himself from it now. He was tired and Mark was up there alone, and Johnny was worried.   
He walked carefully out of the office, first checking the break room in case Mark were in there. He wasn’t. The front of the store seemed deserted, as if the door had been locked long ago. He checked his watch. It would be time to lock up soon, he thought. Still, he would probably be there over night working on the reports that somehow had gotten messed up.   
He rounded an aisle of books and found Mark, back facing the door, as he sat at a table and stuffed papers into envelopes. Johnny’s throat went dry. He didn’t know what to say to Mark, if he should say anything, but he cleared his throat to make his presence known.   
“Sorry.” He muttered as he slipped behind the counter. “I’ll be quick and go back into the office.”  
He busied himself making his drink until he heard Mark’s soft voice.   
“It’s alright if you want to stay up here.” Mark had barely whispered the words, but Johnny looked up at him nervously.   
“Are you sure?” He swallowed a lump in his throat.   
Mark nodded his head, but his expression didn’t look very sure. In fact, he looked terrified. No that Johnny got a good look at him, Mark didn’t look like he was doing all that well. His face had no color, his cheeks were sallow, even his bright bouncy blonde hair held no shine, like his eyes. And was that a bruise that Johnny could see on his cheekbone?  
“In that case…” Johnny muttered “Would you like something to drink?”  
“That would be nice.” Mark mumbled, then went back to his work.   
Johnny finished his own drink and sat it to the side to make Mark his favorite cappuccino, taking the extra time to work a picture of a cute teddy bear into the foam. When he finished, he took both cups and carefully made his way out to Mark’s table, sitting the cup beside the younger boy. He hovered for a moment, until Mark looked at the coffee and then up at Johnny.   
He held his own cup and looked nervously down at Mark. “Can I sit?”  
Mark looked back down and Johnny could see him rubbing the scar on his palm. “I… I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”  
“Please.” Johnny’s voice was breathless, desperate. He hadn’t wanted to beg. He’d wanted to get his coffee and leave Mark in peace, but he’d seen the state the boy was in and his heart broke all over again. “Mark…”  
The other boy’s hands trembled as he wrapped them around the cup of coffee. Johnny hadn’t moved. Mark looked at the teddy, considering. After what felt like an eternity with his heart pounding into his ears, Mark finally motioned to the seat across from him.  
Johnny sat with his own coffee. Mark didn’t look at him, or say anything. He sipped his coffee, smiling ever so slightly at the taste, and went back to stuffing envelopes. Johnny bit his lip. The silence was killing him and he hated just sitting there watching Mark. When he felt like his hands were going to fall off if he didn’t do something, he grabbed some stacks of paper and started helping Mark fold papers together.   
Mark finally looked up at him and Johnny could finally see, he was right about it being a bruise. His worst fears filled his mind again. This, too, was his fault. Mark looked back down, as if he were trying to hide his face behind his hair.   
“How’s your hand?” Johnny asked.   
Mark paused, lifting his hand. He showed his palm to Johnny. “It’s going to be alright. No serious damage.”  
Johnny nodded, sipping from his coffee. “I’m sorry.”  
Mark looked up at him with wide eyes. “For what?”  
Johnny bit his lip and looked at his hands. “I know that my actions caused you and your boyfriend to argue, and that’s how you got hurt.”  
“That wasn’t your fault.” Mark looked away again.   
Johnny let silence fall between then for a moment, until he got the courage to ask his next question. “Do you hate me?”  
“What?!” Mark squeaked, and Johnny would have thought it was cute if the younger boy wouldn’t have flinched when he jumped in his seat. “No… No, I don’t… I don’t hate you.”  
“Then why did you ask Yuta to stop scheduling you when I’m on shift?”  
Mark looked down. “I’m sorry.”  
“Why?”  
He watched Mark swallow. “Jeno doesn’t like us being friends.”  
“He told you that you can’t be friends with me?” Johnny saw red, his fists clenching.   
“Because…” Mark’s voice wavered. “I didn’t stop you from kissing me.”  
Johnny paused; words stuck in his throat. “That mistake was mine, not yours. You don’t deserve to be punished for something you weren’t at fault for.”  
Mark was shaking, his hands trembling. He had tears brimming in his eyes and he pushed his chair back. “I c…can’t. I don’t want to talk about this…”  
“I’m sorry.” Johnny reached out, his fingers brushing the top of Mark’s hand. The younger froze, halfway out of his seat and stared at Johnny’s hand like he’d never seen such an object before. “Please don’t go.”  
Slowly, Mark sat back down in his chair. Johnny kept his hand on top of Mark’s. “I think I know what’s going on.”  
Mark whimpered. Johnny held his hand more firmly. “Mark, you are my best friend. I hate seeing you hurting like this. I hate that I started all of this for you. But, if he’s hurting you, please, tell me.”  
“Johnny…” Mark muttered. “I can’t…”  
“Just, tell me that you don’t hate me?” Johnny asked. “I just want to hear you say that.”  
“I don’t hate you,” Mark whispered. “Hyung. I’m sorry things have to be this way.”  
“So am I.” Johnny looked up, behind Mark. The jingle of the bell startled them both as someone walked in, though the clock showed they should have locked the door five minutes ago.   
Mark turned around, tugging his hand away from Johnny’s like it had been on fire. The small boy looked with wide eyes at the person who had walked in.   
“I’m sorry, Sir.” Johnny spoke in his best customer service voice. “The store closed five minutes ago, we’re in the process of locking up.”  
“I’m not a customer.” The boy shot a sharp glare at Johnny.   
“Jeno.” Mark’s voice wavered. “What are you doing here?”  
This was Jeno. Johnny’s blood ran cold. He’d never wanted to punch anyone more in his life. Mark looked nervous.   
“Oh.” Johnny feigned ignorance, not wanting to get Mark into any more trouble than he was in. “This must be your roommate.”  
Mark shot a glance at Johnny and nodded. “Yea, this is my roommate, Jeno. But, I didn’t know you knew where I worked.”  
Jeno frowned. “I found out.”  
Well, that wasn’t creepy at all, Johnny thought. He hoped he could defuse this situation before it started. “Even so, no one but employees are allowed in the store after business hours. You’re more than welcome to wait outside for Mark to finish his shift, but you cannot wait inside the store.”  
Jeno stared Johnny down, and even he felt intimidated by the stare. He refused to back down, though. He stepped around the table, putting himself between Jeno and Mark, motioning towards the door. “If you would.”  
Jeno continued to glare at him the entire time he turned and walked back out the door. Johnny locked it quickly behind him.   
“Shit.” Mark muttered. “Fuck, fuck fuck, he’s going to be so angry. He’s going to know that I told you…”  
“Mark…” Johnny walked to him and put a hand on his shoulder, distracting him. “Please, calm down, you’re going to have another panic attack.”  
Mark took a few deep breaths. “Sorry.”  
“You don’t have to go with him.” Johnny tried.  
Mark frowned. “He’s my boyfriend.”  
“You’re terrified of him.”  
Mark looked down at his feet.   
“You can come home with me.”  
Mark shook his head.   
Johnny sighed. “Fine, but please promise me something?”  
“What’s that?” Mark peeked up at him.   
“If he tries to do something, tries to hurt you, please come find me. I don’t care how much you love him; you don’t deserve that. Please.”  
Mark bit his lip. “Fine.”  
Johnny thought he was lying, but it was as good as he thought he was going to get. At least Mark spoke to him. At least he didn’t hate him.   
“We should settle things quickly.” Mark muttered, turning around to begin picking up the fliers.   
Johnny nodded. “You take care of this. I’ll close down everything else.”  
It took them almost forty-five minutes of Mark becoming increasingly more nervous for them to get the entire store clean and to count the registers. Johnny hovered around Mark as he prepared to leave.   
“Are you really sure you want to go?” Johnny asked. “He’s surely not still waiting out there after this long?”  
Mark bit his lip. “That’s his car next to yours.”  
Johnny sighed. “I can’t go out with you. I still have to finish my work.”  
Mark nodded, watching as Johnny unlocked the door. “Please, be safe.”  
“Goodbye, Hyung.” Mark smiled sadly at him, slipping out of the door and starting the short trek to the beat-up car parked next to his pristine black Porsche.   
Johnny didn’t shut and lock the door back until Mark was inside the car and it had sped out of sight, taking his heart with him.


	14. 14 - Listen to Love the way you lie by Rihanna and Em when you read this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I listened to Love the Way You Lie on repeat the entire time I wrote this chapter. 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter contains violence and domestic abuse. 
> 
> Jeno snaps. 
> 
> Johnny comes to the rescue.

Mark didn’t say a thing to break the suffocating silence in the car on the entire ride home. He could feel the anger coming off Jeno in waves, but he tried not to look at the younger man. The car came to a sharp hurt, nearly slamming Mark into the dashboard. He fumbled with the seatbelt while Jeno got out of the car and slammed his door.   
Jeno walked in front of him, not saying anything, as they walked into the apartment together. Mark dropped his bag and kicked out of his shoes, his heart pounding in his ears. He could feel the panic attack fighting at the edges of his mind, but he tried to keep it at bay.   
“Jeno…” His voice came out in a terrified whimper. “It wasn’t what you’re thinking…”  
“Oh?” Jeno spun on Mark, towering over him. “It wasn’t?”  
“N… No.” Mark shook his head, cowering.   
“So, I didn’t walk in on you alone with the guy you promised me you didn’t even work with anymore?”  
Mark bit his lip. “Well, I mean… yes, but nothing happened!”  
The first slap was sharp against Mark’s cheek, but he had been expecting it. “Don’t fucking lie to me!”  
“I’m not lying!” He tried to force his tears away.  
“He was holding your hand!” Jeno screamed, spinning around, he swung his arm out and pushed a lamp off the nearby table.   
“He was only there to work!” Mark’s voice rose in fear.   
“Work on stealing you.” Jeno snapped.   
“Jeno.” Mark sighed. “Why do you have to fight about this? I’m not cheating on you!”  
“Why?” Jeno twisted back around to Mark and grabbed him by the neck, slamming him into the wall and choking him. “Because you’re a fucking lying piece of shit. You broke my fucking heart, Mark!”  
Mark’s fingers dug into Jeno’s hand, trying to pry the larger man’s hands from his throat. He had to stand on tiptoes to keep his feet on the ground. “St…stop… Jeno, I can’t bre… breathe!”  
Jeno’s fingers only gripped tighter. His face inches from Marks, he glared at the younger before before he finally stepped back and dropped the smaller boy to the floor.   
Mark looked up at Jeno and rubbed his neck, trying to keep his breath. The larger man had turned his back to Mark and walked across the room, running his hands through his hair.   
“I broke your heart?” Mark whispered to Jeno’s back. “What about my heart? What about what you’re doing to me?”  
“You think I want this?” Jeno’s voice sounded like he was close to tears, but Mark’s heart was numb to the guilt he used to feel.   
“If you didn’t, you wouldn’t do this.” Mark muttered.   
Jeno turned around and looked at him. “That’s not true! I just wanted you to understand!”  
“Understand what?” Mark asked, pushing himself up with the wall for support. He wasn’t able to hold back his tears any longer “I haven’t been able to understand anything lately. I don’t know what I’ve done wrong. I loved you, Jeno. I wanted to do something nice for you, take some of the stress of paying for everything off of you. I made some friends. I haven’t made a single friend since I’ve been here. What’s so wrong about any of that? Does anything I’ve done warrant the abuse you’ve been putting me through?”  
He hadn’t known where the strength to say those words had come from, but he knew as soon as they left his mouth, he knew that it had been the wrong thing to say. Jeno advanced on him again, grabbing him by the arm, he pulled him across the room.   
“You didn’t want to help me, you wanted to leave me!” Jeno screamed at him. “You haven’t paid a single bill since you got your precious little job. You just go to work and make out with that fucking faggot boss you have behind my back and lie to my fucking face about it claiming you love me!”  
“I didn’t want to leave you!” Mark wrenched his arm from Jeno’s grasp even though he knew it would pop his shoulder out of place again. He flinched at the ache, holding onto his arm. “I left everything to be with you. I stayed with you even when you stopped taking me out, even when you told me I couldn’t tell anyone we were together, even when I found out that you were sleeping with women behind my back!”  
Mark’s last statement shocked Jeno into silence. He just stared at Mark and blinked dumbly, as if he didn’t know what to do anymore. “How do you know about that?”  
Mark sighed, looking away from Jeno. “I saw the pictures and the texts in your phone. Did you really think I was stupid enough to think you stayed out all night because you were in the hospital? That those scratches down your back were from fighting?”  
“So, what, then?” Jeno yelled, throwing his hands up. “Fine! I cheated on you, too! Can you blame me when you rarely ever do anything fun in the bedroom? I’ve got to have my needs fulfilled sometimes! I only ever did it for you!”  
“For me?!” Mark’s eyes widened.   
“Of course, for you!” Jeno snapped back. “I’ve seen what sex the way I like it does to you. I’ve seen how much you hate it!”  
Mark’s brain when numb. His heart pounded and his body ached and he couldn’t believe the words that he was hearing. “You…cheated on me…because you didn’t want to make me have sex that I don’t like?”  
“Yes!” Jeno stepped forward, his shoulders dropping. He reached out to take Mark’s hands in his own. Mark flinched, but let him. “I did it because I love you.”  
Mark’s head dropped. “I’m tired of all the fighting.”  
“So am I.” Jeno brushed Mark’s hair out of his face, pressing his lips to the shorter boy’s forehead. “I’m sorry, baby. Let’s not fight anymore.”  
“But we will.” Mark sighed, pulling away from Jeno. He wiped his tears away with his sleeves. “Tomorrow I’m going to fold a towel wrong, or be three minutes late from work, and you’re going to get angry and you’re going to hit me, and you’ll apologize and promise you won’t do it again, but you will and I’m tired.”  
“What are you saying?” Jeno’s voice cracked.   
“I think I should leave.”   
“No.” Jeno crossed his arms over his chest and shook his head.   
Mark looked him in the eyes, his stomach flipped but he gathered every ounce of courage he had. “I’m not asking for your permission.”  
Rage clouded Jeno’s eyes. Mark moved a second too late, trying to dodge out of the way. The older man let out a guttural yell and grabbed for Mark. His fingers wrapped into the man’s shirt and tore the hem. He got a hand around Mark’s wrist and pulled him back as the smaller man made an attempt at the door.   
Mark’s body fell into the coffee table. Jeno advanced on him, but Mark shuffled back, tumbling onto the floor. He grabbed a glass that had fallen to the floor and threw it at Jeno.   
“Get away from me!” He pleaded.  
“Fucking bitch!” The glass collided with his chest, but it didn’t break. He picking it up and hurled it towards Mark. It shattered against the wall behind him. Jeno grabbed the coffee table and flipped it, taking out the television with it.   
He crossed the space between them faster than Mark could move and slammed him into the wall again, punching Mark in the stomach. Mark wasn’t going to just let this happen this time. This time, he fought back. He was smaller, weaker, but he scratched at Jeno’s face, he kicked and flailed and took all the hits flung at him.   
Mark got a lucky shot and kicked Jeno in the crotch. The larger boy dropped him and Mark screamed out as his feet landed on the shards of broken glass. He didn’t have time to deal with that, though. He scrambled up and ran before Jeno could get up.   
Jeno grabbed him by the ankle and pulled him back down to the ground, pinning him down. He wrapped both his hands around Mark’s neck and squeezed as hard as he could. Mark struggled, gasping for breath. He clawed at Jeno’s hands, pulled at his fingers, slapped and punched, dug his nails into Jenos face. He could feel the edges of his vision going black, desperate for air.  
His hands fell against the floor, scrambling, until his fingers came in contact with something hard. It was the lamp that Jeno had knocked over at the start of the confrontation. Mark’s fingers wrapped around it and he used all his strength to slam it into the side of Jeno’s face.   
The larger boy toppled off him and rolled across the floor. Mark scrambled up, but Jeno didn’t seem to be moving. He was still breathing, but the hit must have knocked him unconscious.   
Mark didn’t wait to find out. He turned and spun towards the door. He grabbed the bag he’d dropped by the door and ran out of the apartment without even grabbing his shoes. He ran down the stairs, limping with his foot twisted to try and keep from putting pressure on the glass shard in his flesh. He burst out of the apartment building and into the cold night air.   
He didn’t know where he was going. All he could think about was getting as far away from the man who had done this to him as he could. He turned and took off into the dark night. He ran until he couldn’t anymore and then he walked until he was out of breath and dizzy. When he looked around, he had absolutely no idea where he was. He dropped himself down on a bench to catch his breath, pulling his injured foot up to look at the damage. There was so much blood. One large, thick, chunk of glass was lodged in the heel of his foot. He pulled it out, grabbing the towel he kept in his bag to press against it and help with the bleeding.   
People were giving him strange looks as they walked by. He tried not to make eye contact with anyone. His mind was going in overdrive, trying to decide what he needed to do. He’d left Jeno. He’d nearly not made it out with his life, but he’d left him. Something in Mark was sad about that. Jeno had not always been the way he was. Mark missed the kind, sensitive boy he’d fallen in love with over texts and video chats. When he’d looked into Jeno’s eyes while the younger man’s hands were around his neck, Mark could no longer see any traces of that boy.   
He knew he couldn’t stay outside the whole night. He had to get his foot bandaged and he had to find somewhere to sleep for the night. He pulled open his bag and looked inside to see what he had. His wallet, with his Identification cards. There was a picture of him and Jeno in the front fold. With a frown, he took it out and tore it into tiny pieces, throwing it as hard as he could into the wind.   
“Bastard.” He muttered.   
He had his school things, the envelope with the money he’d been saving from his job. He had two months’ worth of salary, thought it may have been part time. It would still be enough for a cheap hotel for a few nights and some ramen. In the side pocket of the bag, he found his phone. He didn’t have the charger, and when he turned it on, it was on fifteen percent.  
He pressed some buttons and pulled up a number. It had been deleted from his contact list, but he still had it saved deep in his text conversations. Johnny. Mark’s stomach dropped, his hands trembling over the call button. He wondered if he should. He didn’t want to bother the other man. Mark wondered if Johnny was still at the bookstore. He did promise the older man that he would tell him if he got into this situation just a few hours before.   
Before he could lose his nerve, he hit the call button and put the phone to his ear. Three rings and Johnny’s voice came through the phone.   
“Mark? Is everything okay?” Johnny asked.   
Mark’s lips trembled. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out.   
“Mark?” Johnny tried again.   
“No.” Mark finally whimpered into the phone. “Hyung…”  
“Mark, are you okay? Where are you?” He could hear the concern in Johnny’s voice. The older seemed to be moving around.  
Mark looked around at his surroundings. His eyes were blurry with tears. “Hyung…”  
“Mark.” Johnny’s voice was firm but light. “I need you to tell me where you are.”  
“I don’t know.”  
“I’m going to come find you.” Mark heard the sound of a car engine. A radio blasted and then was immediately turned off. “Look around, tell me what you see?”  
Mark did as he was instructed, describing the scenery, reading the signs nearby. His voice cracked and he paused to breath back sobs every now and then. Johnny stayed on the phone with him, telling him to breathe, telling him to stay calm, asking him questions that he couldn’t think of the answers to. He doubled over in sobs again, apologizing over and over again.   
It felt like forever, but soon Johnny’s car was pulling up to the curb in front of Mark. He left the engine running and jumped out of the car, skidding to a halt next in front of Mark.   
“Holy shit, are you okay?” He dropped to his knees, taking Mark’s hands in his, but Mark flinched away and whimpered. “Did he do this to you?”  
Mark only nodded.   
“Can you walk?”  
Mark shook his head again.   
Johnny sighed, running his hands through his hair as he tried to think. Mark couldn’t bring himself to look at the other man.   
“I promise you, Mark.” Johnny finally spoke. “I won’t ever, ever hurt you. But right now, I need to get you off the street. Is it okay if I carry you to my car?”  
Mark tensed, but after a long moment, he nodded. Johnny darted back towards his car and opened the passenger door. He came back to Mark and carefully scooped the boy up princess style. Mark clung to him as he carried him to the vehicle. The seat was warm and the car was dark, unlike the bright lights outside.   
Johnny appeared in the driver’s seat, but he didn’t pull away from the curb yet. “Fuck, Mark.” He said. “You look real banged up. Should I… Do you need to go to the hospital?”  
Mark shook his head, whimpering. His voice cracked as he spoke. “It’s not as bad as it looks. I just need a first aid kit and I can do it myself.”  
Johnny nodded. “Alright. I’ve got one at my house.”  
“What?” Mark turned so quickly he yelped out in pain from the bruises on his throat.   
Johnny just looked at him. “Well, If I’m not taking you to the hospital, I’m taking you to my house. Where else did you think I was going to take you?”  
Mark wanted to shrug, but everything hurt too much. “Hotel?”  
“Fuck that.” Johnny frowned and finally pulled away from the curb, cutting a hard U-turn. “The state you’re in? No fucking way I’m leaving you on your own. I’m going to take you to my house. You’re going to get a warm bath and we are going to check out all your wounds and bandage you up. Then I’m going to get you a hot, although very late, dinner. We are going to camp out in my bedroom and watch movies until we can’t stay up any longer. And when we wake up in the morning, I’m going to have you the biggest breakfast you’ve ever seen. How does that sound?”  
Mark sniffled. Guilt consumed him, and shame, but he couldn’t deny that Johnny’s offer sounded exactly like heaven. So, he nodded gently, and let a small smile fall onto his split, bloodied, lip while the elder drove them away from the mess he’d left behind.


	15. 15 - Johnny is Rich FYI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Johnny just wants Mark to be Okay.
> 
> Mark just doesn't want to be alone.

If it were any other situation, Johnny would have been amused by the look of wide-eyed amazement on Mark’s face as Johnny carried him into his house. The younger had clearly not expected him to live such an extravagant lifestyle doing the job that he did. Johnny carried Mark through the house and into the bathroom, depositing him on the white marble countertop.   
He took the younger’s bag from him and sat it on the decorative chair in the corner. Mark’s eyes followed him while he searched the cabinets for the first aid kit that his mother insisted he’d get when he’d moved out on his own.   
“It’s in here somewhere.” He muttered, digging to the back of the cabinet. “Ah, here!”  
Johnny could tell that Mark wanted to speak, but knew that he couldn’t right now. Both because his throat would be sore from all the bruising, and because his mind was probably a tangle of horrible thoughts. He must have been having some kind of a panic attack.   
He dropped the kit on the counter next to Mark and opened it. “Shall we start from the foot and work our way up, or from the top down?”  
Mark’s lip twitched like he wanted to smile, giving Johnny some hope. “Let’s start with that foot.”  
Mark took a deep breath and turned towards the first aid kit. Johnny remembered, while Mark started looking through the supplies and sorting out different items that Mark was going to medical school.   
“You’re going to have to tell me what to do.” Johnny said when Mark handed him some kind of packet and a roll of gauze. “I’ve never dealt with a cut like this.”  
Mark bit his lip. When he spoke, his voice was raspy and choked. “Use the alcohol pad to wipe the dried blood away from the wound.”  
Johnny dropped to his knees, gingerly taking Mark’s food in his hands. He apologized over and over as Mark whimpered while he cleaned the wound. Fresh blood spilled in place of the dried stuff, but he kept cleaning until he could see the wound.   
“Can you see if there’s any more glass in it?” Mark asked in a whisper.   
“This was glass?” Johnny glanced up at Mark.   
He went to bite his lip, but flinched when he tore the cut back open and wiped the blood on the back of his hand. “He threw a glass at me. It hit the wall and I stepped on it.”  
“Fuck.” Johnny looked back down again, checking very closely. “It looks clean.”  
Mark nodded. He reached down to hand Johnny some more supplies, explaining to him how to use each item to bind and bandage the wound. They worked like that, for what felt like hours to Johnny. He tried not to make a big deal of Mark blushing when the younger had to take off his shirt so that Johnny could treat the cruising and scratches beneath it.   
Johnny wanted to vomit when Mark’s shirt got tossed into the corner. His stomach, chest, back, arms, were all covered in cuts and bruises. Some, he could tell, had been healing for weeks already.   
“How long as this been going on?” He asked, fingers tracing over a white scar between two of the rib bones that were jutting out of Mark’s sides.   
Mark looked away. “Since I came home from the hospital.”  
Johnny held his tongue. There were so many things he wanted to say, so many questions he wanted to ask, but right now was not the time to grill Mark on why he never said anything. He didn’t want to make Mark feel worse than he knew he already felt, so he kept his personal feelings to himself.   
“You’re all skin and bone.” Johnny frowned. He had situated himself between Mark’s knees, applying the various creams and ointments Mark had pointed out to him on his arms. “I’ll expect you to eat lots and lots, alright?”  
Mark nodded. Johnny saw the blush painting his cheeks, but didn’t say anything about it. He tipped Mark’s chin up and applying the ointment to his neck carefully. When he finished, he cupped Mark’s cheek and tilted his head back down so that their eyes met.   
“I’m glad that you called me.” He spoke suddenly. “Thank you, for trusting me.”  
“Hyung…” Mark muttered, but he flinched from the pain in his lip.   
Johnny smiled softly. He dabbed some ointment on the bruise forming on Mark’s cheek, and then swiped some onto his thumb to apply it to Mark’s lip. The younger’s blush deepened. Johnny suddenly had the urge to pull Mark to him and press their lips together again, but this was neither the time nor the place for Johnny to be making that mistake again.   
He stepped away before he could lose his self-control and turned towards the huge, fancy tub in the room. He leaned over it and pressed some buttons. Lights flashed and a waterfall began to pour from the edge of the tub, filling it up.   
“How hot do you like your baths?” He asked.  
Mark watched him in awe. “Um… Not too hot.”  
Johnny nodded and messed with the control panel, setting the water to a comfortable temperature. When he was satisfied with that, he turned back to Mark. “Your ointments should be dry by the time the tub is full. Um, should I… Do you want me to help you in the bath?”  
Mark’s eyes widened in shock, and possibly fear. Johnny took that as a no.   
“Alright. I can help you to the edge of the tub, and you can finish undressing and get into the water on your own.” He said.   
Mark clung to him as he picked him up and deposited him on the tiling that surrounded the tub. He pointed at the control panel and showed Mark how it works, to change the temperature, make the massage jets work, and to stop the water when there was enough.   
“I think I probably have some things around here that will fit you.” He hummed thoughtfully. He rummaged through another cabinet and pulled out a huge, fluffy white towel and took a matching bath robe from the wall. He sat both things next to Mark. “When you finish, you can dry off and put this on while I find something for you to sleep in. Just call me when you’re ready, yeah?”  
“Yeah.” Mark repeated. Johnny ruffled his hair lightly and turned to head out of the room with a statement about getting food ready when Mark called out his name. He turned and looked back at the younger boy, who smiled softly. “Thank you.”

Mark had never seen a place so extravagant, or things so fancy. A touch-screen bathtub! Marble countertops and floors. He’d been hurting so much, and so preoccupied with his state of panic, that he hadn’t been able to take in much more of Johnny’s house.   
Though, after the older man had helped him clean his wounds, and he’d soaked in the most comfortable and relaxing bath of his life, Mark felt fresh and rejuvenated. His heart had stopped pounding, and the pain in his muscles had turned into a dull ache. He would need to take some medicine, or it wouldn’t be long before his body was screaming again.   
He drained the tub and propped himself on the tiled edge of it so that he could dry himself. The towel smelled vaguely of lavender, as did the bathrobe that Mark wrapped around himself. He flushed, trying not to think about the fact that he was in Johnny’s bathroom, tying the older man’s bathrobe around his own body. Those thoughts flew from his head quickly, though, when he caught sight of the bruise forming on his cheekbone.  
“Mark?” Johnny knocked at the door. “May I come in?”  
“Yeh, Hyung!” Mark called absentmindedly, prodding at the bruise on his face.  
Johnny frowned as he stepped into the room. “Stop poking at it or you’re going to make it worse.”  
“That’s not actually how that works, Hyung.” Mark commented.  
Johnny just laughed and ruffled his hair. “How are you feeling?”  
“Better.”  
“Can you walk?” Johnny was eyeing his foot nervously.   
Mark bit his lip and shook his head. “If I put weight on it now, I’ll pull the cut open again. It needs to close up properly first.”  
“Alright.” Johnny nodded. “I’ll carry you to the bedroom so you can get dressed and then do you want to sit on the couch and watch television or do you want to come sit in the kitchen while I cook?”  
Mark squeaked as Johnny scooped him up into his arms again. This time, Mark wrapped his arms around Johnny’s neck and curled into him, seeking out the other man’s warmth. He tried really hard not to think about the fact that he was naked beneath the robe.   
“I hope you like fish.” Johnny spoke casually as he nudged the bathroom door open with his foot and carried Mark out into the hallway. “I set some out to make for dinner. There’s enough for two.”  
“Fish is good.” Mark breathed onto Johnny’s neck. His eyes fluttered shut, but too soon Johnny was sitting him down in a bedroom more extravagant than the bathroom.   
There was a massive bed on a platform in the center of the room. Johnny had placed him on the black silk sheets and stepped back. There was a massive television attached to the wall, hidden behind drawback curtains, and wide floor to ceiling windows that looked out from the top-floor flat over the distant Han River.   
“It’s a beautiful view, isn’t it?” Johnny asked.   
“You wake up to this every morning?” Mark asked in awe.  
Johnny hummed. “It was the only thing Mom insisted on when she got me this place. She thought that having a beautiful view to wake up to every morning would be good for my mood. She worries that I worry too much.”  
Mark pouted, but Johnny shrugged. He had turned away and grabbed a bundle on a table nearby. He handed it back to Mark without meeting his eyes.   
“I found these in the back of my closet. They’re old, and I think they were Haechan’s that he left after a sleepover, but I think they would fit you.”  
“Thanks.”  
Johnny waited outside of the room while Mark changed into the clothes. The pants were the right length and with the drawstrings, he could tie them up to fit properly. The shirt, however, was just a bit too big and felt like it was going to fall off his shoulder. The older man stepped back into the bedroom when Mark called for him and smiled softly, scooping him back up in his arms.   
Mark hid his face in Johnny’s neck as the elder carried him back through the house into the bedroom. Johnny held him closer, his warm breath ghosting over Mark’s bare neck. As Johnny turned into the kitchen, he slammed his elbow on the door frame and hissed.   
Mark clung tighter to him. “Hyung?”  
“Yeh, Markie?” Johnny hummed, trying to shake out the pain in his elbow without dropping or hurting Mark.   
“I’m sorry.” Mark muttered. “I feel like such a burden on you right now.”  
Johnny placed Mark down on one of the stools in the kitchen and looked into his eyes. “Don’t you ever think you’re a burden.”  
“But I am…” Mark muttered. “You had to leave your house to come find me, and carry me everywhere, and get me things…”  
“Mark.” Johnny gave a soft smile. “It’s not a burden if I want to do it. You know I’d do anything for you.”  
Mark smiled softly, his heart fluttering as he reminded himself not to take Johnny’s words the wrong way. “Thank you, Hyung. I couldn’t ask for a better friend.”  
Johnny returned the smile, ruffling Mark’s hair. “Friends. Til the end of the earth.”  
“The end of the Earth.” Mark agreed.   
Johnny spun and started to wash his hands. Mark looked around the kitchen for a moment. It fit the motif of the rest of the house. The floor was marble, the cabinets were white, then countertops were black marble. Mark sat on one of the four stools tucked at the snack bar around the island counter. Each one had stainless steel legs and a round black leather cushion with a high back and silver buttons. The fixtures were all black stainless steel and the most updated models Mark had ever seen. There were even two stoves, a gas stove and an electric cook top.   
Mark was enthralled by watching Johnny cook. The older boy knew his way around a kitchen. He was busy chopping vegetables, searing the fish, preparing the side dishes, bouncing back and forth from one stove to the other as he cooked different things and all the while he was chatting with Mark about all the meaningless things and checking his phone every few minutes when it would buzz.   
“Who are you talking to?” Mark asked, his curiosity getting the better of him.   
Johnny shrugged as he tapped out another message and then turned off his phone. “No one important. Being invited out to dinner, but I told them that I was already having dinner here.”  
“Oh.” Mark looked down at his hands. “Sorry.”  
“Stop saying that.” Johnny responded. “You’ve got absolutely nothing to apologize for.”  
“But I do.” Mark muttered.  
Johnny finished arranging the last bit of food into a glass dish and shoved it into the oven, setting the timer. After that, he wiped his hands on a rag and walked around the island to stand in front of Mark one more time. Mark shivered, watching him. Johnny reached out, thumb brushing over the bruise on Mark’s cheekbone. He turned away, hiding his face.  
“Don’t.” Johnny whispered, gently turning Marks face back to look in his eyes. “Please don’t turn away from me.”  
“A…alright.” Mark stuttered.   
Johnny smiled, his eyes flittering up and down Mark’s face. His eyes paused on the bruise on Mark’s cheek, then to the cut in his lip, down to the massive bruises on his neck, and back into his eyes. “You don’t ever have to apologize to me. For anything. And especially not because you asked for my help.”  
Mark tried to smile, but he wasn’t sure it came out correctly. “Thank you, Hyung.”  
“For what?” Johnny chuckled, cupping Mark’s cheek as the younger nuzzled into the warm touch.   
“For caring about me.”  
“Of course, I do.” Johnny grinned. “More than all the stars in the sky.”  
Mark was sure he was blushing now. Johnny just laughed as he pulled away.  
“Come on,” Johnny scooped Mark up once more, allowing the younger to hide his blush in Johnny’s neck. “Let’s go put on a movie in the living room until the fish is finished.”


	16. 16 - Tooth rotting Fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Johnny likes making Mark blush
> 
> Yuta and Taeyong do their best to be sympathetic. They really do care alot.
> 
> Johnny never does get that second bed.

Johnny glanced down at the boy nestled in his arms. The feeble, broken boy whose blonde hair was still damp from his bath, whose cheek burned with the black remnants of the night. Mark glanced up at him and gave him a small smile, which he returned, and then turned back to the screen, snuggling closer into Johnny’s chest.   
His arms were wrapped close around Mark’s waist, his back to Johnny’s chest while their legs wrapped together on the couch. A soft, fuzzy blanket was wrapped around them. Mark had talked Johnny into waiting until after dinner to put on a movie, so they wouldn’t have to pause it. Instead, they had turned on the youtube and were watching some funny compilations of animals being silly.   
A clip of a fat orange cat attempting to jump onto a roof from the hood of a car and failing miserably had just gone off when Johnny heard the timer from the kitchen. He sighed and pecked Mark on the top of the head.   
“Time for the food to come out of the oven.” He muttered.   
Mark whined, turning so that he could nuzzle into Johnny’s chest. He grinned at the cute sight.   
“Come on, I’ve got to get up.”  
“But I’m soooo comfy.” Mark pouted.   
Johnny chuckled again. “If you don’t let me up, I’m going to tickle you.”  
“No.” Mark pouted, refusing to move.   
“I warned you.” Johnny shrugged and the began to tickle Mark’s sides. The younger boy squealed and wriggled away, but the fun didn’t last long because he was soon hissed and whimpering out in pain.   
“Ouch!” Johnny’s tickles stopped immediately. Mark scooted out of Johnny’s lap and sat up properly, looking at his foot. The bandage had begun to turn red again.   
Johnny gulped. “Oh shit, Mark. I’m so sorry.”  
Mark took a deep breath. “Go get the food before it burns, this will be alright.”  
Johnny nodded and disappeared into the kitchen. His mind on the wound he’d caused to start bleeding again. He’d been so wrapped up in having fun with Mark that he’d forgotten about the younger boy’s wounds. He’d been so wrapped up in his thoughts that he’d forgotten to grab his pot holders before attempting to pull the pan out of the oven.   
He screamed in pain and pulled his hand back, shaking it to relieve the sting. Cursing under his breath after calling out to Mark’s worried question that he was alright, he found the pot holders and took the dish out of the oven.   
“What happened?” Mark asked as Johnny stepped back into the living room. He’d dashed to the bathroom for the first aid kit first.   
He held the kit out sheepishly for Mark, then held out his other hand with his blistered red fingers. “I kind of…”  
“You burned your hand?” Mark’s eyebrow rose.   
“Not bad.” Johnny shrugged. “But I thought I’d get some cream for it and we could change those bandages out before we ate?”  
“Thank you.” Mark smiled.   
Johnny sat down next to him and watched as Mark first pulled out the burn ointment. He grabbed Johnny’s hand and held it in his lap, palm side up. Johnny could feel his fingers tremble as he watched the intense expression on Mark’s face.   
He looked so different as he examined Johnny’s injury, so grown up. Johnny swallowed down the feelings that were threatening to well up inside of him. Mark gently applied some of the cream to the blisters and lightly wrapped a bandage around them. Johnny was relieved to back away when he was done and wait patiently for Mark to finish changing his own bandage.   
Then he scooped him back up again so that he could take him to wash up and tuck him at the fancy glass table overlooking the floor to ceiling kitchen window. He was hyper aware of Mark’s eyes on him as he grabbed two plates of food. He sat one in his seat and the other in front of Mark.   
“What do you want to drink?” Johnny asked.   
“Anything is fine.” Mark muttered, distracted by the view. The moon was reflected in the surface of the Han River while the world below them was dotted in multicolored lights.   
Johnny wandered back and filled two glasses with iced tea. He turned his phone back on and shoved it into his pocket, sitting down in the seat across from Mark.   
“I don’t think I could ever get used to a view like this.” Mark whispered.   
“It’s beautiful.” Johnny agreed, watching Mark.   
Mark’s eyes finally turned to glance at Johnny, to find him staring. He watched the red filter into Mark’s face again as he blushed. Johnny liked watching Mark blush, liked flustering him until the red tinged his cute little cheeks.   
“I hope you like it.” Johnny shook himself out of his thoughts and looked back down at his own plate, picking up his fork.   
He waited, watching intently for Mark to take the first bite. He watched as the look of curiosity turned into a soft smile as the boy moaned out softly, obviously enjoying the food. Johnny, however, paused at the sound. He hadn’t expected that to come out of Mark. His own blush had started to form on his face when Mark took a second bite and the unintentionally alluring sound became louder.   
Johnny started to shovel his own food into his face in an attempt to ignore the sound, though not every bite the younger took caused the soft moans to escape his lips – as if he didn’t even know he were doing it. He was further distracted by his phone going off in his pocket. Mark glanced at him as he pulled it out of his phone.   
YUTA’S HORNY ASS lit up the screen. Johhny attempted to hide the caller ID from Mark before answering the phone and putting it to his ear.   
“Yuta, what’s up?” He asked.   
“Hey, Johnny, I know this is probably a long shot, but have you heard from Mark since work?”  
“What?” Why would Yuta be asking about Mark? The others all still assumed that Mark didn’t want anything to do with Johnny, which was an untruth that made Johnny’s stomach lurch uncomfortably. “Why?”  
“Listen, Man.” Yuta sounded like he was breathing heavily. “My mom just got a call from the cops.”  
“The police?” Johnny looked at Mark, who was unable to hear the conversation, but looked concerned by Johnny’s nervous expression.   
“Yea, Man.” Yuta went on. “They said that Mark’s roommate called and reported him missing. Mom’s his boss so they called her to check on him. He was closing alone with you tonight, wasn’t he?”  
“Yeah.” Johnny swallowed, looking Mark in the eyes. “But his roommate showed up at the store to pick him up.”  
Mark’s eyes widened in panic. Johnny leaned over the table to take Mark’s hand, thumb rubbing circles in his palm to keep him calm. Mark mouthed something at him and he nodded, understanding.   
“Yuta, you don’t have to worry.” Johnny stopped the other man’s rampant tirade of worry and theories on where Mark could have been. “But I need to ask you something.”  
“What do you mean not worry?” Yuta’s voice rose two octaves. “Mark is missing!”  
“He’s not missing, he just doesn’t want his roommate to find him.”  
“What? What do you mean?”  
Johnny squeezed Mark’s hand gently. “But his roommate cannot find him.”  
“Why?”  
Johnny looked at Mark for a long while, contemplating how much he should tell Yuta, but with Mark’s small nod, Johnny sighed out. “Bring Taeyong to my place with you and I’ll explain everything.”

Forty minutes later with their dinner finished and the washing up sorted, Taeyong and Yuta stormed into Johnny’s house. Mark had been startled, not expecting one of them to have a key because Johnny had explicitly told him that he’d locked the door so that he would feel safer.   
Johnny had to hold them back from him when they saw him sitting calmly on Johnny’s couch. Now the two of them were sitting on the love seat while Johnny took the place on the couch next to Mark, his arm around the smaller boy. Mark liked it. He felt safer, more confident, in Johnny’s arms.   
“So, what happened?” Yuta asked. “Your roommate called the cops to say you were missing. What happened to you?”  
Mark absentmindedly touched the bruise on his cheek. “He wasn’t my roommate.”  
“What?”  
“Jeno was his boyfriend.” Johnny explained for him and Mark just nodded.  
“He did this.” Mark whispered out.   
Taeyong was on his feet in seconds. “I’ll kill him.”  
Yuta grabbed his hand and pulled him back down onto the couch. Mark had curled up further into Johnny’s arms. He could feel Taeyong’s fury and guilt overwhelmed him.  
“Why didn’t you say anything?” Yuta asked, voice soft as he looked at Mark. “We could have helped.”  
Mark shrugged. “It’s… It was… I don’t know.”  
Johnny gave him a gentle, comforting squeeze and he looked up with a soft smile and then rested his head in the crook of the older man’s neck. He felt so ashamed of himself, so embarrassed. Johnny’s hand rubbing up and down his arm was of some comfort.   
“When I first came here to be with him, everything was amazing. He was kind and sweet and caring. Then a few months ago, I don’t know. Something changed. It was little at first, just mean comments, arguments over small things. He got very insecure. He stopped taking me out places, getting mad when I’d wear certain things. The argument we had when I first got the job at the bookstore lasted a week.”  
“Oh.” Yuta’s eyes widened as he remembered. “Those bruises…on your wrists?”  
Mark nodded in silence, closing his eyes as if not looking at Yuta would block out the sound of his apologies. Mark was so thankful that he had Johnny with him right now.   
“He was jealous of me, for some reason.” Johnny continued speaking for Mark. Mark couldn’t fathom why Johnny would be confused about Jeno being jealous of him. Johnny was attractive, sweet, funny, smart, and rich. He was the perfect catch and Mark was still denying that he’d fallen hopelessly for the man he claimed as his best friend. Of course, Jeno would be jealous.   
“We had a huge fight. It was the first time he’d hit me.” Mark’s words were muffled as he pressed his face into Johnny’s chest. “I couldn’t lose my job. I love that place too much. So, I had to agree to stop speaking to Johnny.”  
“Oh.” Taeyong hummed out. “That makes more sense now.”  
“Yeah.” Johnny nodded. “But this evening, Jeno walked into the coffee shop while I was giving Mark a cup of coffee.”  
“I don’t even know how he knew where it was.” Mark muttered. “I’ve never told him where I worked.”  
“That’s creepy.” Yuta nodded.  
Mark whimpered. Johnny pulled away from him to look into his eyes for a moment. His expression concerned. “You alright?” He whispered.   
Mark nodded.   
“You don’t have to keep talking if you don’t feel up to it.” Johnny whispered again.   
Mark nodded. His chest was pounding, heart throbbing in his ears. His entire body ached with both the bruises of the beating he had received and the effort of staving off his panic attacks.   
Johnny petted his hair for a bit and then turned back to Taeyong and Yuta. “So now you know.”  
“But how did you end up here?” Taeyong asked.   
“I hit Jeno in the head with a lamp and took off running while he was knocked out.” Mark looked at his friends concerned expressions. “I got lost and didn’t know what to do, so I…I called Johnny.”  
“What are you going to do now?” Yuta asked.   
Mark shrugged. “I don’t know. I… I can’t go back. I’ve been saving money. I’m sure I can find a cheap place somewhere. I’ll start looking tomorrow.”  
“Why?” Johnny spoke up, making Mark turn to look at him. Johnny was pouting. “You can stay here with me.”  
Mark sighed. “Thank you, Hyung, but I can’t stay here forever. I’ve already troubled you too much.”  
“What about your stuff?” Taeyong interrupted before Johnny could retort, probably about to remind Mark that he wasn’t troubling him and he wanted to take care of him. Mark didn’t need to hear those words right now, not when his heart was weak and he wanted those words to mean I love you too. They didn’t, they wouldn’t, and Mark needed to stop hoping.   
“I don’t know.” Mark muttered. “I guess… I know Jeno’s work schedule. I can go by when he’s not there and take my things, if he hasn’t destroyed it all yet.”  
“You can’t walk.” Johnny responded.   
“What?!” Yuta squeaked. “Wait, Mark? Are you okay? He didn’t… didn’t…” Yuta waved frantically. His actions made enough sense that Mark started coughing. .  
“No. No, Hyung, He didn’t…” Mark took a deep breath and he held up his bandaged foot. “He threw a glass at the wall and a piece went into my foot.”  
“It’s bleeding.” Yuta flinched.   
“Oh.” Mark looked back down. Johnny had given him some pain medicine, so it didn’t quite hurt as much anymore, but he hadn’t realized it had started bleeding again.   
Johnny slid Mark out of his lap and stood up to go get the first aid kit again. While Taeyong and Yuta asked questions that Mark was attempting to answer, Johnny sat on the floor in front of Mark and unwrapped his bandages. As gently as he could, he cleaned the wound and wrapped it in fresh bandage.  
“I’ll talk to mom.” Yuta said as Johnny finished up the last bandage. “I’ll tell her what’s going on, and that you need a few days off work.”  
Mark sighed and nodded. “It can’t be helped. Thank you, Yuta Hyung.”  
Yuta and Taeyong had both stood up, ready to say their goodbyes. They both leaned down and hugged Mark carefully around the neck, then hugged Johnny.   
“Take care of him.” Taeyong said when he pulled away from Johnny.  
“I will.” Mark smiled when Johnny glanced over at him.   
“Take him to the hospital in the morning.” Yuta said. “That foot looks bad.”  
“I’m fine.” Mark pouted.   
“I don’t care.” Yuta turned and looked at Mark with a caring expression. “Go just to put our minds at ease.”  
“Okay.”  
Yuta and Taeyong left the house in a deep silence. Johnny had cleaned up the mess they’d made in the living room while Mark watched uselessly from his spot on the couch. He yawned. It was nearly two in the morning and he rarely stayed up that late.   
“Are you tired?” Johnny asked, having noticed Mark’s eyes drooping.  
Mark nodded.   
“Come on then, Sleepy.” Johnny chuckled and scooped Mark up into his arms. He carried him back down the hall and into the familiar bedroom from before, stepping up onto the platform and placing Mark onto the huge, comfortable bed.   
“Wait.” Mark frowned. “Isn’t this your bed?”  
“I’ve only got the one bedroom.” Johnny said. “I’m taking the couch.”  
“But that’s not fair.” Mark pouted, though he didn’t fight as Johnny pulled the blankets up over him. “You shouldn’t have to sleep on the couch just because of me.”  
Johnny shrugged. “I’ll be fine. I can sort out getting a second bed in the morning.”  
“Just…” Mark whimpered. “Hyung. I’m scared.”  
“Of what?” Johnny sat down on the edge of the bed next to Mark. The younger couldn’t stand to look at him, too embarrassed as his cheeks tinted pink.   
Johnny reached up and brushed Mark’s hair from his face, cupping his cheek in his hand. He was smiling so softly in the dim light from the city below. “You’ve got nothing to be scared of. As long as I’m here, I’ll protect you, okay?”  
“I don’t want to be alone.” Mark was aware of how childish he sounded, but his heart pounded at the idea of having to sleep in a new bed in a new house on his own.   
Johnny sighed even as he smiled. His fingers played in Mark’s hair. “Are you asking me to sleep with you?”  
Mark squeaked in shock at Johnny’s words, choking on himself and coughing. Johnny chuckled at Mark’s reaction, waiting for him to collect himself.   
“Seriously, Mark.” He spoke. “If you’re scared, I can sleep in here with you. So long as you don’t mind sharing the bed.”  
Mark shook his head, hiding his blush beneath the blankets. Johnny smiled and walked to the other side of the bed, sliding under the covers. Mark flipped over so that he could see Johnny and the elder scooted closer to him.   
“Get some sleep.” Johnny whispered, reaching out and taking Mark’s hand in his own. Mark’s eyes were already heavy, fluttering shut. He just let out a hum in response and let the dream world take him.


	17. 17 - I have six cats.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Johnny has a girlfriend and a boner. 
> 
> Mark has a broken heart and also a boner. 
> 
> Nothing good will come of this.

Johnny grumbled in his sleep. He was warm and comfortable in his bed, with a small, soft body pressed against his. His arm wrapped around the slender frame and he nuzzled his nose into the back of the person’s neck, only to be rewarded with a soft, contented hum.   
The body scooted closer, pressing against his crotch. He grunted at the sensation, realizing for the first time that he’d woken up with a problem. It wasn’t uncommon, it would usually go away with a morning shower and a toilet break. However, he couldn’t bring himself to get out of the bed.  
The warmth radiating from the body in front of him kept him in place, as did the sweet scent from the person’s skin. Johnny’s nose nuzzled up and down the sensitive skin, causing the person to let out a needy little whimper. The person’s butt pressed back against his crotch and suddenly paused and stiffened.   
Johnny whined, holding the person closer. He didn’t want the warmth to leave him. He was so comfortable, so at home with this person in his arms. He pressed a small kiss to the back of the person’s neck.  
“Good morning.” His voice was gravelly as the night’s sleep still hung in his throat and coated his senses.   
“G…Good morning.” Mark’s sweet voice stuttered back at him.   
Johnny smiled, his hand sliding down Mark’s side to sit on his waist and then back up again to wrap around his chest and hold him close, face buried in the boy’s shoulder. “Sleep well?”  
“Y..Yeah, you?” Mark once more stuttered.   
Johnny rolled his hips, pressing himself into Mark, making his problem even more obvious. He hummed as his only response. Mark squeaked, the sound absolutely adorable to Johnny’s ears.   
“You make the cutest sounds.” Johnny whispered in his half-asleep state. Once more he pressed a kiss to Mark’s neck. This time the boy let out the softest moan.   
Johnny’s erection twitched at the sound, he wanted to hear it again. His sleepy hands roamed Mark’s body, his sleepy lips pressed little kisses up and down his shoulder, making the younger boy sing out a chorus of different sounds like the most beautiful melody Johnny had ever heard. Mark didn’t fight it, didn’t try to make him stop, but he never did anything to let it go further, either.   
Johnny trailed his sleepy kisses up Mark’s neck, his eyes still closed to the bright light of the morning sun. He rolled over, twisting so that he hovered over the other boy, their lips were centimeter’s apart, and Johnny would have heedlessly pressed their lips into the most passionate of kisses, but his phone suddenly began to ring.   
He cursed, rolling away from Mark. The younger boy immediately sat up and pulled the covers up around him, staring at Johnny with wide eyes. Johnny didn’t notice that, though. He was too busy fumbling for his ringing phone, the harsh tone washing away any chance he had of slipping back into dreamland that morning.   
He grabbed it, squinted at the caller ID. HaNa’s name popped up. He flipped the phone open and spoke in a groggy voice, rolling over onto his back, aware that Mark had pulled the blankets off him and the tent in his boxers was now on full view. “What’s up, Babe?”  
“Are you still asleep?” She sounded like she was pouting and Johnny rubbed the spot between his eyebrows, not wanting to deal with this today. He wanted to roll back over and go back to… It suddenly his him and his eyes flung wide open. He glanced at Mark out of the corner of his eyes, watching as he stared hard at his lap, his face red.   
“Yeah.” He breathed out. “Why?”  
“It’s nearly noon.” He heard her sigh.   
“Oh.” He muttered. “I was up late, a friend needed my help.”  
“Oh.” She hummed. “That’s very thoughtful of you. Is everything alright?”  
Johnny was watching Mark now, staring openly at him. Mark was refusing to meet his eyes, and Johnny didn’t blame him. His sleep addled mind had been molesting the poor boy, and after everything that happened, being molested was the last thing Mark needed. Johnny felt his gut sink. He was just messing everything up all over again.  
“I don’t know.” He answered. “I’ll figure it out though.”  
“Okay.” She paused. “I just wanted to check on you because you just sort of stopped responding to me last night.”  
“Oh. Sorry.” Johnny muttered.   
The conversation didn’t last much longer before she hung up. Johnny shut his phone and dropped in on the floor beside the bed and sat up, running his hand through his hair.   
“Sorry.” Johnny muttered.  
“S’okay.” Mark still wouldn’t look at him.   
Johnny took a deep breath, scooting closer to Mark only for the younger boy to tense up. He bit his lip and backed off. “I didn’t mean to be so forward with you, I was still sleepy and didn’t realize what I was doing. I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable.”  
“N... no.” Mark muttered. “I’m sorry.”  
“Why?” Johnny frowned.  
“I…” Mark looked down at his hands. “Nothing, Hyung. Who...who called?”  
“Oh.” Johnny frowned. Why did his stomach sink when he had to tell Mark he had a girlfriend? He didn’t want to say it, as if it were something dirty. “That was Hana, from the print shop.”  
“Oh.” Mark’s hand’s twitched as he held the blanket up around him, as if he were shielding his body from Johnny. “I didn’t know you were seeing her.”  
“It’s recent.” Johnny admitted. “We’ve only been out a few times.”  
“Oh.” Mark was silent for a moment before he spoke again, so softly that Johnny almost didn’t hear him. “We should get out of bed.”  
“Um, yeah.” Johnny scratched his head, shifting to hide his erection. The more awake he became, the more embarrassed he was getting over his previous behavior. “Let me get some pants and I can help you to the bathroom.”  
Mark nodded. Johnny shuffled out of the comfort of the bed and grabbed the pants he’d discarded the night before, shoving them back on. With his back facing Mark, he attempted to sort himself out so that his erection wasn’t so obvious. When he turned around, Mark was sitting on the edge of the mattress with his feet on the cold floor.   
“Did you sleep well?” Johnny asked, scooping Mark up. He wrapped one arm around Johnny’s neck, but the other pushed down the shirt of his pajamas, hiding him even more. Johnny’s mouth went dry. He’d made Mark afraid of him by coming onto him like that. What had he even been thinking? He was seeing someone, Mark was injured and vulnerable, Johnny had a girlfriend. His behavior was unacceptable.   
“Yes.” Mark whispered. Johnny sat him down on the counter in the bathroom and stepped back, giving him some room. Mark’s cheeks were still bright red as he wouldn’t meet Johnny’s eyes.   
“That’s good.” Johnny muttered, staring at his feet. “If you want to take another bath, you know how the tub works. I put the soaps and toothbrush you used last night in the cabinet. Just call me when you’re done.”  
Johnny was out of the bathroom before Mark had a chance to respond. He cursed under his breath. He couldn’t stop fucking things up and he was going to lose Mark again. He needed to stop being stupid. Johnny leaned against the wall, breathing heavy and trying to calm himself. His erection hadn’t bothered to fade, and it didn’t help that he could still smell Mark’s sweet skin. His stomach turned. He couldn’t be thinking like this, it was wrong.  
Johnny shook his head, trying to think of all the things he could to get his mind off it, to will away the need in his pants. It wasn’t right, it wasn’t okay, for him to have these feelings for Mark. He had a girlfriend. 

Mark let out the breath he was holding the moment Johnny shut the door behind him. His hands were shaking. Johnny had attempted to seduce him, and it had nearly worked. Mark had been laying beneath him, body trembling, begging with his mind for Johnny to stop his teasing touches and press their lips together.   
He’d never felt more stupid. Johnny wasn’t gay. He had a girlfriend. He was dating the pretty girl from the print shop that he’d once told Mark he wasn’t interested in. That had obviously been a lie. Mark had fallen into whatever game Johnny had been playing, and he’d been left embarrassed and hard.   
Mark whimpered as he looked at the problem between his legs, the one Johnny’s hands on his skin and lip on his neck had caused. He tried to will it away, but his mind only came back to the memory of Johnny’s lips.   
He was able to slide off the counter and hobble on one foot to the toilet. He dropped down on it with a heavy breath, resigned to knowing that he wouldn’t be able to just think this problem away. There was only one thing that he could do, and he hoped that he could do it quietly.   
His mind conjured up scenes of Johnny walking back in on him while he wrapped his fingers around himself, lip between his teeth to stifle the sounds that he would make. He imagined Johnny doing what he’d been doing that morning, lips pressed to his neck, warm breath ghosting over his skin. He’d never cum so quickly in his life and he was embarrassed.   
He wiped his hand with toilet paper and flushed, hobbling to the sink to wash his hands. He also brushed his teeth and washed his face before checking his clothes and making sure any evidence of what he’d just done had been erased.   
Johnny could never find out about Mark’s feelings. Not when Mark had seen the utter look of terror on the older man’s face when he’d realized what he’d been doing to Mark before he was fully awake. He hadn’t seen anyone look so disgusted at themselves since the last time he took a good look in the mirror.   
With a steadying breath, he turned to the door and called out to Johnny. The other man walked back into the room fully dressed for the day, holding a fresh pair of clothes for Mark.   
“They might be a little big, but it’ll do until we can go get your things.” Johnny stepped back out the door while Mark changed.   
“I don’t want to go back there.” Mark whined when he opened the door, trying to keep the collar of the black tee Johnny had given him on his shoulder.   
Johnny looked at him, at his neck, fingers reaching out to gently touch the heavy bruising there. Mark whimpered.   
“Sorry.” Johnny pulled his fingers away. “Does it hurt?”  
Mark shrugged. “Everything hurts.”  
Johnny frowned. He scooped Mark up and carried him into the kitchen, depositing him on one of the stools. “After you’ve had breakfast, I can give you some more medicine. Then we can take you to the doctor and go get your things.”  
Mark sighed, watching Johnny turn around and start to pull ingredients out of his fridge. “We should probably go get my things first. Je…He will be off work in a few hours. We don’t have much time.”  
Johnny nodded. Mark watched him cook in silence, enthralled by how good he was at everything, how agile his fingers were as he sliced the fruits, how easily he danced around himself from one work station to the next. By the time Johnny sat the plate of delicious smelling pancakes in front of him, he’d all but forgotten the awkwardness of waking up.   
Mark was content to bury his face in Johnny’s neck as the elder carried him down to the car. He hummed in response to whatever Johnny had been telling him. He’d been paying attention at first, but that didn’t last long. He just liked the sound of the older boy’s voice.  
Johnny carefully placed him into the front seat of the car and reached over him to buckle him in. Mark blushed lightly while Johnny dropped into the driver’s seat.   
“We’re going to stop by my friend’s house first.” Johnny told him. “He’s got a pair of crutches you can use until you can put weight on your foot.”  
“It really should be fine.” Mark muttered, looking at his hands.   
Johnny shook his head. “I’m not letting you walk on that until a Doctor tells me it’s healed.”  
Mark pursed his lips. “I am a doctor. Well, I’m going to be.”  
Johnny grinned at him, this wide smile full of pride that made Mark’s insides go warm. “You’re going to be the best Doctor. You’re the smartest person I know. But still, humor me on this one?”  
Mark couldn’t help but smiling. “Yes, Hyung.”  
Johnny reached over and ruffled Mark’s hair. The continued to talk about Mark’s classes. He would need to email his teachers about his absence. Johnny assured him that everything would be fine, and that he wouldn’t fall behind for missing a few days of classes.   
It didn’t take long before they pulled into his friend’s house. The friend was a rather adorable looking boy who greeted Johnny in German. Mark pursed his lips, watching as the boy carried a pair of crutches from the house out to the car. Johnny helped Mark out of the car, introducing the boy as YangYang.   
Mark liked him. He was strange and couldn’t seem to remember to stick with one language, so Mark had trouble following his conversations. He helped set the crutches to the right height for Mark, chatted a bit as Mark practiced hobbling around on them, and then bid them both goodbye with a wave.   
When they slipped back into the car, the crutches in the back, leaned across the seat, Johnny turned to Mark and took his hand. “You gonna be okay?”  
Mark bit his lip but nodded. “I’m scared.”  
“I’ll protect you.” Johnny gave Mark’s hand a squeeze. “I promise you.”


	18. 18 - Whoop there it is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Johnny takes such good care of Mark. 
> 
> Taeyong figures out why. 
> 
> Mark is either oblivious or in denial or both.

Mark shook the closer they got to the apartment. His mind played over and over what had happened the night before. The only thing keeping him from full blown panic was Johnny’s hand clinging on to his own. The elder refused to let go, and kept reminded Mark that he was right beside him the entire time.   
He hobbled into the apartment behind Johnny, trying to ignore the red splotches on the dirty tile floor. Those were his footprints, dried in his blood, leading away from his old him. The first place he’d ever lived, the only place he’d ever lived, when he moved to this country. This apartment had been his entire experience of a year in Seoul, and the bittersweet memories came rushing back.   
Johnny took the front door key from him and stepped first into the apartment, just in case. It was empty, but Mark could tell by the expression on Johnny’s face that Jeno hadn’t bothered to clean the mess.   
He hobbled in after him and looked around. Glass and blood littered the floor. The table and television were in a shattered pile in the corner. The lamp still lay on the ground where he’d dropped it.   
“It looks like a crime scene in here.” Johnny breathed out.   
“Let’s just hurry.” Mark muttered. “I don’t want to be here longer than I have to.”  
“Right.” Johnny nodded.   
It took them about an hour to gather up all of Mark’s things. To be fair, it wasn’t much. They filled three trash bags full of clothes that Johnny stuffed into the trunk. Mark had found an old filing box in the back of the closet and used it to pack up all of his bath things and the few other belongings, games, and books that he’d left.   
“Is this everything?” Johnny asked, looking at the pile of belongings.   
Mark nodded. “I never needed much.”  
“Okay.” Johnny took the last box of things from Mark and followed him carefully back down to the car. He found a place to shove the box and then helped ease Mark into the car.   
Mark was breathing heavy by the time Johnny got back in the driver’s side and started the car.   
“You alright?”  
Mark nodded. “That was just more taxing than I thought it would be.”  
Johnny answered by reaching over and taking Mark’s hand in his own, lacing their fingers together. Mark liked the feeling of Johnny’s hand in his. It was grounding, comforting, and gave him courage that he didn’t feel.   
“Let’s just go to the clinic and have your foot looked at, then we can go home and relax on the couch for the rest of the day.”   
Mark nodded. For someone who was studying to become a Doctor, he really hated Doctor’s offices. He felt like a little kid whose parent was taking them to the doctor, sitting in a chair in the corner while Johnny went to sign him in and even filled out all of the paperwork for him.   
Johnny put himself down as Mark’s emergency contact, which made Mark blush yet again. He cursed his face for betraying him so easily. He had to constantly remind himself that his stupid crush was pointless, and that he needed to get a grip. Johnny wasn’t gay. Johnny had a girlfriend. Just because he was very comfortable with skinship in their friendship didn’t mean anything. Mark’s heart was playing tricks on his mind.   
When they called him back, Johnny followed, helping Mark through the narrow corridors. Mark could see the glances he was receiving for his injuries, and the careful looks that Johnny was getting from the nurses. When the lady leading them to the back stopped and asked if Mark could go in alone, Johnny started to step aside, but Mark refused.   
“No.” Mark snapped. “I need him with me.”  
“Are you sure?” The nurse glanced between the two of them.  
Mark nodded. “I need him with me.”  
“Alright.” The woman gave a sigh and then motioned them both into the room. She began taking vitals and then asked Mark what it was he was in for.  
“My ex-boyfriend attacked me.” Mark said, then took a deep breath. He’d never said it so blatantly like that.  
The nurse looked up at him, then to Johnny. Mark frowned. “Johnny is my best friend. After I was able to get away, he came to get me. He’s taken care of me.”  
The nurse looked at Mark for a long while, as if deciding whether to believe him or not. After a moment, she gave a soft smile to Johnny. “Well, it’s good that you were there.”  
She turned back to Mark and continued to ask him the standard questions. He answered everything honestly, though for some of them he had to take Johnny’s hand for the strength. Reliving the memories, explaining every little bruise and cut on his body, was almost too much to take, but Johnny was with him, and the nurse was very kind and patient with him.   
Johnny actually had to leave the room when the doctor stepped in, but Mark didn’t mind so much. He was embarrassed about the idea of Johnny seeing him naked, and the Doctor had made him undress so that he could see the injuries. He’d commented on how well they had been taken care of – to which Mark had thanked Johnny.   
After Mark’s clothes were back on, Johnny was allowed back in the room. The Doctor was examining the most concerning injury, Mark’s foot. He was frowning. Mark reached out for Johnny’s hand again.   
“Well, I’ve got good news and I’ve got bad news.” The doctor looked up at Mark.   
“Good news first?” Mark pouted.   
“You aren’t going to need stitches. I don’t see any remaining pieces of glass or debris in the wound.”  
“And the bad news?” Johnny asked.   
The Doctor looked at him, then back to Mark. “It looks like it’s gotten infected. The wound isn’t closing properly because of that. I want to take a culture just to be sure, but we’re going to go ahead and give you a shot and start you on some antibiotics. Have you been staying off it?”  
“Yes.” Mark glanced over at Johnny. “I haven’t put any weight on it since Johnny got me.”  
“That’s good.” The Doctor looked at Johnny approvingly. “You’ll need to remain off it until you finish the antibiotics at the least.”  
Mark nodded. The Doctor cleaned his wound and rebandaged it. He waited with Johnny until the nurse came in and gave him his shot, and he was more than relieved when he hobbled out with Johnny and his medicine.   
Johnny helped him back into the car and grinned at him. “Hey, how about we stop for some ice cream on the way home?”  
“Really?!” Mark squeaked out in happiness. It had been so long since he’d had ice cream.  
“Really.” Johnny laughed.   
It was still early in the afternoon, and the little ice cream shop that Johnny took them to wasn’t too busy. Johnny helped Mark hobble in and sit down. When their food came, Mark’s eyes lit up.   
“Wow.” He gasped. “I’ve never seen ice cream like this before.”  
The plate was full of ice cream sandwiches and little brightly colored treats, a cone shaped bowl with a Sundae covered in toppings, and even ice cream milkshakes with little heart shaped sprinkles in the whipped cream.   
Johnny laughed at his enthusiasm. “Well don’t just look at it, dig in.”  
Mark nodded so hard, his hair bounced up and down. He hummed happily as he bit into an ice cream sandwich and let the sugary, chocolate goodness fill his senses. 

Johnny couldn’t help the ridiculous grin on his face as he watched Mark devour the ice cream. His smile was so innocent and pure that Johnny could almost forget the dark bruises around his neck and peeking out from the collar of his borrowed shirt. Johnny’s stomach clenched when he thought about the pain Mark must have endured. He felt partially responsible for that.   
Johnny didn’t like the way he felt when he thought about Mark being anything less than perfectly happy. He didn’t like the way he felt when he thought about Mark being hurt. He didn’t like the way he felt when Mark wasn’t by his side. At least, he thought, the younger boy had forgiven him for that morning when he’d lost control of his senses and started trying to…  
“What are you thinking about?” Mark’s voice drew Johnny from his thoughts.  
“Nothing, much.” He scratched at the inside of this elbow. “Are you ready to head home?”  
Mark nodded. He shoved himself up on the crutches and followed Johnny out of the shop and back towards the car.   
“Thank you for taking me out, Hyung.” Mark grinned as Johnny helped him into the car. “The ice cream was delicious.”  
“Did you have fun?” Johnny smiled.   
“Yes!”  
Johnny shut Mark’s door and tried to take his time going to the driver’s seat. He breathed slow, trying to calm himself down. His heart was racing, and he felt stuffy in his own skin. Mark had let the sugar rush go right to him. By the time they made it back to Johnny’s, Mark was talking a mile a minute telling Johnny all about something that he didn’t understand. He liked how excited and interested in the subject Mark was, though.   
They bundled up on the couch for the rest of the day, binging on snacks and watching movie after movie. Mark fell asleep resting on Johnny’s chest with the blanket wrapped around the two of them and his hand still in the bowl of popcorn. Johnny chuckled softly when he noticed and carefully removed the bowl. He couldn’t bring himself to wake Mark up, so he just bundled down with his arms wrapped around the smaller boy and turned on yet another movie until he fell asleep himself.   
Even the next day, they spent the entire time on the couch. Johnny disappeared to the back room when Hana called to talk to her for a moment and to handle some other business before he stumbled back to the couch to go back to cuddling Mark. He cooked them delicious meals, and nearly deluded himself into thinking he was living some kind of dream life.   
The third night Mark spent with him, the both ended up back asleep in the bed. Johnny never slept as well as he did when Mark was in his arms. He was just happy that he didn’t wake up grinding his boner into his friend’s ass like that first night. He wanted to be careful with Mark. The boy had been through a lot, and he didn’t need Johnny – the best friend who was in a relationship – to be trying to get into his pants just a few days after he’d gotten out of a dangerous relationship.   
Johnny hated himself for the way he reacted around Mark. He couldn’t keep himself from touching the boy, from carding his hands through his blonde curls or lacing their fingers together. It took all of his willpower to keep from kissing him. Johnny’s heart was conflicted, and it was because of Mark. The boy had done something to him, but somehow, Johnny didn’t seem to mind. All he wanted was for Johnny to be happy.  
The bubble was burst on the fourth day, though. Taeyong called Johnny, begging him to come in and help with something. Mark had asked to come along, though, so Johnny was happy with that. Mark was bombarded by the others when he walked into the store.   
Jaena was the first one who came up and hugged Mark tightly around his neck. “I’m so glad you’re okay. I swear to god, I’m going to kill that guy if he ever shows up here.”   
“You don’t have to go that far.” Mark chuckled.   
“Mark!” Ten ran over, followed by Lucas, who was grinning widely. “You’re back! We missed you!”  
“I missed you guys too.” Mark smiled.  
Johnny watched with a soft smile on his own face, the way that Mark lit up around his friends. He ruffled Mark’s hair.   
“You’ll be fine out here with everyone?” He asked. “I’ve got to go back to the office to sort some things.”  
“Okay, Hyung.” Mark grinned.   
Johnny flicked his nose, laughing as he swatted at his hand and pouted. Then, he followed Taeyong back into the office to get working.   
He dropped down at the desk while Taeyong leaned against the door frame.   
“How has he been?” Taeyong asked.   
Johnny looked up at his friend. “He’s alright. I think he’s still in shock a little, but physically he’s fine. And yes, I did take him to the Doctor.”  
“What did they say?”   
Johnny paused for a moment, unsure if he should tell Taeyong. “He won’t need stitches, but the cut was infected. I’ve been making sure that he gets his medicine properly and on time. He goes back at the end of next week. He should be healed by then, but the Doctor says that as long as he does his tasks sitting down, he’s clear to come back to work at the start of the week.”  
“Is Yuta going to put him back on the schedule?” Taeyong asked.   
Johnny shrugged. “That’s between them.”  
“One more thing.” Taeyong hesitated.   
Johnny shot the other boy a look. “What?”  
“What are the sleeping arrangements? I know you’ve only got the one bed.”  
Johnny frowned. “I do need to sort out another bed in that house. I’m just not used to guests.”  
“To guests that don’t sleep in the same bed as you.” Taeyong’s eyes went wide. “Are you two sharing a bed?”  
“It’s not what you’re thinking.” Johnny sighed. “I haven’t touched him.”  
“Yeah, you’re not gay.” Taeyong rolled his eyes.   
Johnny was silent for a long moment. “I don’t want to hurt him, not after everything he’s been through.”  
Taeyong’s eyes widened in surprise. There was a weight behind Johnny’s words that Taeyong seemed to be able to read.   
“Shit.” Taeyong muttered. “You’re in love with him.”


	19. 19 - People are friends not food.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jeno comes for Mark. 
> 
> Everyone keeps him safe.
> 
> Johnny needs cuddles.

Johnny and Taeyong had stared at each other in silence for a while after Taeyong’s revelation. Johnny didn’t deny it. He didn’t say anything. He stood there, still as a rock, staring unblinking at Taeyong, as if the other’s words had caused something in his brain to shut down and the system were waiting to reboot.   
A loud crash and a scream from the front of the store tore both of them out of their conversation.   
“Mark.” Johnny’s eyes went wide as worry for the boy flooded his system.   
Taeyong had barely made it out of the doorway before Johnny flew past him and into the front of the store. The scene that met him caused him to pause. Lucas and Ten stood each on one side of Mark. Jaena stood in front of him, at her feet lay a huge pile of books. In her hands, she held a step stool. On the other side of the pile, stood Jeno.   
Johnny stepped between Jaena and Jeno as she threatened him with the stool. “What are you doing here?”  
Jeno looked at Johnny, a deep anger in his eyes, hidden behind the façade of a wounded puppy.   
“I just needed to make sure that Mark was okay.” He said. “I’ve been so worried.”  
“Worried?!” Jaena hissed. “You’re the one that fucking broke him you limp dick bastard!”  
“Jaena, language.” Johnny snapped, but he didn’t remove his glare from Jeno. “You’re not welcome in this establishment. If you do not leave, I will be forced to call the cops.”  
“If Jaena doesn’t get to you first.” Lucas muttered beneath his breath.   
Jeno paused, considering, then looked behind Johnny towards Mark. “Baby, please…”  
Johnny stepped in front of him, blocking the boy’s view of Mark. “You don’t get to speak to him. Leave my store. Now.”  
“You don’t get to control who my boyfriend can and cannot talk to.” Jeno snapped.   
“Neither do you.” Johnny frowned. “And he’s not your boyfriend.”  
Jeno’s eyes widened. He stepped to the side, looking at Mark again. “That’s not true. Baby, tell me he’s lying.”  
Jeno attempted to step past Johnny, but Jaena quickly dropped the stool and grabbed Jeno by the arm, twisting it around behind his back until it looked like it would snap off. He yelled out in pain. Johnny didn’t miss the way Mark flinched.   
Johnny sighed. “Jaena, do not hurt him.”  
“He deserves it.” She hissed.  
“I know.” Johnny lowered his voice. “But now is not the time. Escort him outside, and if he doesn’t leave, call the police.”  
Jaena huffed in disappointment, but she listened, and kicked Jeno out of the store. Johnny turned around, looking at Lucas. “Damage control.”  
“On it.” Lucas nodded. He handed Mark off to Johnny and then he and Ten immediately began the process of cleaning up the mess and sorting things out with the unfortunate customers who had witnessed the scene.   
“Mark?” Johnny’s voice was soft when he spoke to the smaller boy, afraid that he would panic.   
Mark’s tiny frame trembled as he looked up at Johnny.   
“Mark, are you alright?”  
Tears shined in the boy’s eyes as she shook his head.   
Johnny helped him to the back of the store. He bypassed the break room and headed straight for Taeyong’s office, helping Mark onto the futon behind the desk. He dropped himself into the desk chair and turned around to watch Mark.   
“What happened?” He asked.   
Mark wrapped his arms around himself, curling up on the futon. He looked everywhere but at Johnny. “I didn’t think he would come here. I don’t know why I didn’t think he’d…”  
“Hey.” Johnny took Mark’s hands in his own, making the other boy look at him. “I need you to breathe, okay? Everything is fine. I promised you’d be safe, didn’t I?”  
Mark nodded.   
“He didn’t hurt you, did he?”  
Mark shook his head.   
“Everything is going to be just fine.” Johnny reached up and brushed some of Mark’s curls out of his eyes.   
“I was sitting with Ten when he came in.” Mark’s voice was soft as he spoke. “He was trying to apologize. I think… as soon as Ten realized who he was, he ran for Jaena. They argued a lot. She threw a bookshelf at him.”  
“Sounds like her.” Johnny chuckled softly. Mark laughed a little bit too. “Don’t worry, Mark. I’ll keep you safe. And if he ever comes here again, nobody here will let him get near you. I swear to you, I’ll protect you.”  
“Thank you, Hyung.” Mark muttered.   
“You’re alright?” Johnny asked again.   
Mark nodded. “But… Do you mind if I stay in here with you?”  
Johnny smiled. “Of course not.”  
A few moments later, Taeyong stepped back into the office. Relief flooded his face when he saw Mark. “Thank god, you’re alright.”  
“Has the situation been dealt with?” Johnny asked.   
Taeyong nodded. “All the customers in the store were given a free drink for their troubles. Jaena broke the sign out front when she was escorting him out, but it looks like he actually left.”  
Johnny nodded and turned back to check on Mark. The boy was curled up, arms wrapped around himself, picking at the collar of the borrowed shirt he wore. Taeyong went to a corner and rummaged through a stack of what could have been trash, only to pull out a small fuzzy blanket. Johnny wrapped it around Mark. The boy smiled at him, snuggling into the warmth.   
Taeyong explained a few more things, some of which Johnny didn’t pay any attention to. His mind was focused mostly on the lightly dozing boy behind him as he attempted to complete his work. He hated spreadsheets and he hated math, but he loved this coffee shop so he would deal with all the little annoying things he had to do to help keep it running.   
One by one, the employees tucked their heads in to check on Mark one last time as their shifts ended and they began to leave. Yuta was the last out, telling Johnny that he would lock the door behind himself. Johnny hummed, barely listening. Yuta just rolled his eyes and walked out.   
A few hours later, and all of his work done, Johnny turned to the sleeping Mark. He was so cute and peaceful. He looked so young. Johnny’s fingers traced the sleeping boy’s features, brushed the hair away from his face, lingered on the dark bruise on his cheekbone. Johnny should have protected him better; he should have known something was wrong. He was a failure, and his mistake had nearly cost him the person who had become most dear to him. His North Star, who would always lead him back to shore when he was drowning, and lately he always felt like he was drowning.   
Mark’s eyes fluttered open and he pouted when he saw that Johnny was watching him. “I fell asleep.”  
“You had a busy day.”  
“Where is everyone?”  
“Gone home.” Johnny helped Mark to sit up. “It’s almost midnight.”  
“Why are we still here?” Mark asked.   
Johnny waved towards the computer as it booted down. “I just finished up my work. I was about to wake you. Are you hungry?”  
Mark hummed thoughtfully. “A little bit, but it’s too late to cook.”  
“Let’s go out then.” Johnny stood, holding out his hand.   
Hesitantly, Mark reached out and took it. Johnny wrapped his fingers around the smaller boy’s and pulled him up off the couch, holding him steady as he grabbed the crutches to hand to him. Johnny took his time, wanting to keep Mark as close to him as he could for as long a possible. He knew he was being selfish, but right now he just didn’t care.   
Johnny stayed close to him as they walked to the front of the store. Everything was silent and ominous as they walked through the dark, empty shelves. Johnny’s mind strayed, wondering what Mark’s reaction would be if he stopped him, pressed him against one of the shelves, and pressed their lips together. How it would feel to trail his fingers beneath Mark’s shirt, to taste him, to have him pressed up against the shelves and thrust into him until the books began to fall on the ground.   
Johnny shook those thoughts from his head right away. Mark paused to give him a funny look.   
“What was that?” He chuckled innocently.   
Johnny grinned, hoping that it and the darkness would hide the embarrassed blush growing on his face. “Nothing. Just got distracted by my thoughts.”  
“What are you thinking about?” The innocent question nearly made Johnny drop his keys as he tried to unlock the door.   
“N... nothing important.” He muttered, pushing the door open so that they could step into the cold night air.

“Your girlfriend?” Mark asked hesitantly, watching as Johnny followed him outside the building. He thought he caught the older boy frowning before he turned his back to him.   
“No.” Mark studied the broken sign outside the door as Johnny locked it back. It looked like someone had driven a truck through it, and Mark was reminded again why he never wanted to be on Jaena’s bad side. It had taken Johnny’s nose two days for the swelling to go down after she’d punched him that day.  
“You haven’t had much time to spend with her lately.” Mark muttered, watching his feet as he followed Johnny to the car. “It’s because of me. I’m sorry.”  
Johnny gave him a smile, scratching at the inside of his elbow as he hovered in front of the passenger door. “Don’t worry about it.”  
He opened the door and helped Mark in, leaning across him to buckle him in before putting the crutches in the back. Mark didn’t need his help to buckle the seat belt, but he liked Johnny doing it for him. It was a kind gesture, and gave Mark the excuse to be close enough to Johnny to smell the sweet fragrance that radiated from him, like citrus and rain.   
He blushed, embarrassed that he was sniffing his friend. Johnny was mostly quiet on the ride home. He turned the radio down low and he took Mark’s hand in his own. It was a comfortable silence. Mark watched the street lights go by outside the window while he tried not to focus too hard on the way Johnny’s fingers felt between his own.   
They stopped at a fast food place and ordered something to go. Mark’s stomach grumbled with the bag of hot food in his lap all the way back to the complex. Johnny sat Mark at the table and told him to eat first while he went down and emptied the car of all of Mark’s things, dropping them into the bedroom before he came back to sit at the table.   
“I thought I told you to eat.” He pouted at Mark’s untouched plate.   
“I wanted to wait for you.” Mark grinned.   
“Awe.” Johnny laughed. “I feel so special.”  
After the extremely late dinner, Johnny helped Mark to another bath. It felt nice for Mark to be back into his own clothes, but for the first time he realized how cheap and tattered they really were. He’d spent the last few days wearing Johnny’s expensive clothes and silk pajamas that fit a little too big. Now that the clothes fit correctly, he felt restricted, and he wished he could have an excuse to change into one of Johnny’s shirts.   
Mark was curled in the bed before Johnny finally came to lay down, eyes glazed with exhaustion. He slipped into the covers and immediately pulled Mark to him, burying his face into the boy’s neck. Mark squeaked out in surprise, but he’d been getting used to this kind of skinship recently. He wrapped his arms around the older boy, holding him closer.   
“Everything alright, Hyung?”  
Johnny nodded. “Let’s sleep like this tonight.”  
Mark hoped he could hear the way his heart flipped in his chest. “Anything you want, Hyung.”  
Johnny pulled away just enough to look up at him with a twinkle in his eyes. “Anything?”  
Mark’s smile faded into a softer, more curious expression. “Is there something you want?”  
Johnny nodded, but he didn’t say anything more. After a long while, he sighed and tucked his face back into Mark’s chest. “Can’t have it though.”  
“What is it?” Mark found himself asking.   
Johnny only squeezed tighter. “Don’t ever let me go, okay?”  
“Of course not.” Mark nuzzled the top of Johnny’s head, his heart weighing heavy in his chest. “Are you sure you’re alright?”  
Johnny nodded slowly. “Just sleepy.”  
“Let’s sleep, then.” Mark yawned. “Yuta says that I can go back to work on Monday. He’s just going to have me sitting at the cash register and working on stuff for the event Thursday.”  
“Event?” Johnny’s voice sounded distant, far away, as if he were fighting sleep just to speak.   
“The book signing.” Mark responded. “It’s going to be this Thursday.”  
“Oh.” Johnny yawned. “Okay. Night night, my love.”  
Mark’s eyes flew open at the comment, but Johnny had already fallen asleep in his arms. A small smile found its way onto his face. He surely hadn’t heard correctly. Or perhaps, Johnny was just too sleepy to realize what he was saying. Still, Mark held the larger boy close to him and tried to close his own eyes. For now, he would pretend things were perfect, and he would fall asleep happily holding onto the person he loved. In the morning, he would deal with his heart getting out of hand.


	20. 20 - Something interesting is going to happen in chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Johnny and Mark are so adorable. 
> 
> But I'm starting to think Mark thinks about Johnny's girlfriend more than Johnny does...
> 
> Also, they're going to babysit? Johnny and Mark with a baby? IDK...
> 
> Let them just have fun on their shopping date!

Mark woke up the next morning in the bed alone. He stretched out, reaching for the warmth that he had gotten so used to, only to find that the sheets were cold. He pouted as he opened his eyes. Light had begun to filter through the massive windows. The view never ceased to awe Mark, the sunlight rising over the skyline, the bridge crossing the river in the distance, and everything going on so far below him. It made a sadness well up in his chest, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to stay here forever.   
He was distracted, however, by the most delicious smell in the air. He could smell cooking bacon. He shuffled to the edge of the bed and stretched before he hobbled himself up and grabbed his crutched. Shuffling out of the bedroom, he could hear faint music coming from the kitchen. Following the sound, he couldn’t help but chuckle silently to himself.  
Johnny was in the kitchen, in his mismatched pajamas – a polka dotted top with plaid bottoms – dancing around and singing along to the Bruno Mars song playing from the stereo. He flipped a pancake and spun to the other stove to take some sausage. Mark just leaned on his crutches and watched.  
The radio was already playing the next song before Johnny realized Mark was there. He turned and caught sight of the boy only to jump. Then a huge smile broke out on his face.   
“Good morning, Sunshine.” He motioned to the table. “Have a seat, breakfast is almost ready.”  
“Good morning.” Mark blushed as he made his way to the table, dropping down into a seat and depositing his crutches beside himself. His mind returned to what Johnny had said to him the night before, when he was barely asleep.   
“Did you sleep well?” Johnny asked, sitting a plate in front of Mark. He ruffled Mark’s hair and the smaller boy smiled shyly up at him.   
“I slept well. What about you, Hyung?”  
Johnny took his own seat, with his own plate piled high with food. “I did alright.”  
Mark shoveled the food into his mouth. He knew that Johnny was watching him, the older man always seemed to watch him eat with a dopey smile on his face. Mark found himself blushing and staring at his plate.   
“Why are you looking at me like that?” he asked.   
“Should I not look at you?” Johnny asked, lazily shoving a bite of pancake into his mouth while he continued to grin at Mark.   
Mark groaned. “I mean, but why?”  
“Because I like to watch you eat my cooking.” He responded.   
“Well…” Mark smiled shyly. “You’re a really good cook, Hyung. Everything you make me is so delicious.”  
“Thanks.” Johnny grinned. “I like getting to cook for you.”   
Mark picked at what was left of his food, nibbling now that he’d filled himself up. “If I was a better cook, I’d offer to cook for you.”  
Johnny gave him a crooked grin. “What are you good at, then? You could offer to do that for me?”  
Mark’s eyes widened. Of course, his mind would go straight into the gutter. He could feel his entire face heating up. Johnny seemed to understand his reaction and nearly choked on his bacon, coughing and laughing at the same time. Mark only blushed brighter.   
“Oh, Gods, Mark.” Johnny gasped in a deep breath and spoke. “I didn’t mean anything like that.”  
“I know.” Mark pouted. “But, I mean…”  
Johnny’s expression sobered, his smile fading into shock and he started to blush as well. When he smiled again, it was a more embarrassed type of smile. “Well, that’s good to know.”  
“Shut up.” Mark stared at his plate, shoving another bite of food into his mouth.   
Silence followed for a while, until Johnny finally spoke up again, changing the subject. “What do you want to do today?”  
“I don’t know.” Mark hummed thoughtfully. “What do you want to do?”  
Johnny leaned forward, finishing his last pancake. “There’s something, but it’s not until tonight. How are you feeling? Do you think you’d be up to going out for the day?”  
Mark found himself grinning widely at the idea of getting to spend the day outside. “I’d love that!”  
Johnny chuckled. “Alright, then. I’ll get this kitchen cleaned up and we can get dressed and go do something. Where do you want to go?”  
Mark hummed thoughtfully. “It would be nice to go to the park. Or shopping, well, not that I have money, but I like walking around the shops.”  
“Let’s do that, then.” Johnny took Mark’s plate with his own to the kitchen and sorted everything into the dishwasher. His cleaning lady would come while they were away that day, and she would be so surprised at how clean Johnny had been keeping to house since the last time she’d been there. “We can get ready for the day. I know this cool mall that you’ll love. Then after that, I’ve got somewhere I want to take you.”  
“Okay.” Mark wobbled his way back to his feet, pausing when Johnny came back to him with his antibiotic and a glass of water. “Oh, yeah. Thanks.”  
He took the medicine, watching Johnny smile and scratch at his arm while he waited to take the cup back. Johnny ruffled his hair, then Mark went to get dressed for the day. He hobbled back into the bedroom, where Johnny had cleaned out a few drawers of the dresser for Mark’s things.   
He shuffled through his clothes until he found something worth wearing, a faded pair of stonewash jeans and a brown turtleneck sweater. He shuffled with the items into the bathroom and shut the door, leaning the crutches against the wall. Balanced on one foot, he brushed his teeth and washed his face before he lowered himself onto the top of the toilet seat, resting so that he could get his pajamas off.   
He could have stood to change clothes, but he couldn’t stand to look at himself in the mirror anymore. He looked like some sort of horror movie victim and he hated it. Each time he caught a glimpse of the bruises around his neck, he could make out the exact spots where Jeno’s fingers had wrapped around his neck. He hadn’t looked that great to start with, but now. Now, he didn’t have a hope of being attractive.   
He shook the thoughts from his mind, hiding the bruises and scrapes beneath his sweater and carefully pulling on the jeans. He checked the bandages on the bottom of his foot. The wound there hadn’t been hurting him nearly as much after a few days of taking his medicine, and it had only started bleeding again once.   
Johnny knocked on the bathroom door, startling Mark out of his thoughts once more. “Hey, can I come in?”  
“Y..yeah.” Mark looked up. Johnny opened the door, a dazed smile on his face. His eyes swept the room before the landed on Mark.   
“What are you doing?” He asked.   
“Checking my bandage.” Mark muttered, grabbing his socks and shoving one on top of the bandage.   
“How is it?”  
“Better.”  
“How are you?”  
“Fine.”  
Johnny gave a soft sigh. He crossed the room and dropped down on his knees. He put his hands on Mark’s knees, causing the younger boy to finally meet his eyes.   
“I meant emotionally.” Johnny’s voice was soft. “You’ve been through a lot these last few weeks, and all I’ve seen is… a smile on your face.”  
“Do you want me to be sad?” Mark’s face twisted into one of confusion.   
Johnny shook his head, eyes wide. “No, nothing like that. I just. I’m worried about you. I want to make sure that you are alright, that you’re not just…” He squeezed Mark’s knee gently as his mind whirred in an attempt to sort out the words in his mind. “I want to make sure that you’re really okay and not just trying to be strong when you’re hurting.”  
“I…” Mark looked away from Johnny. He didn’t know what to say, but he couldn’t lie. He seemed to be unable to lie to Johnny. Just one look into the older man’s eyes, and he wanted to tell him everything. He sighed, shoulders dropping. “How did you know?”  
Johnny’s fingers brushed against Mark’s cheek, startling him. The older boy was smiling softly up at him. “Because I know you.”  
Mark took Johnny’s hand from his face. He dropped it into his lap and started playing with Johnny’s fingers. The older boy just watched him patiently.   
“I think I’ve felt so okay about everything lately because I’ve just been trying so hard not to think about it.” Mark admitted. “I love him…loved him…I gave up everything important to me so that I could be with him. And he…” Tears had started to burn in his eyes. “He took everything from me, and I shouldn’t miss him.”  
“But you do.” Johnny whispered, his voice measured.  
Mark sniffled. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Johnny as he nodded. He’d ignored it, he’d focused on other things. He’d started to think that maybe he really didn’t love Jeno anymore, that he’d lost the spark. He’d thought that his heart had moved on when he found Johnny, and had thought that Jeno’s attack had been the push he needed to finally leave the situation that he only saw in hindsight was a toxic, abusive relationship.   
“I’m sorry.” Mark whimpered, a few tears breaking free.   
Johnny smiled at him, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Don’t apologize to me.” He whispered kindly, wiping the tears from Mark’s face. “You never have to apologize to me for feeling something.”  
Mark bit his tongue, watching Johnny. He felt ashamed and miserable, but there was a soft warmth radiating inside of him that only Johnny could make him feel, and he hated these conflicting emotions. “Why are you so good to me?”  
Johnny chuckled, standing up and pulling Mark up with him. “Because I like you, of course.”  
Mark hid his face in Johnny’s chest as the older boy pulled him into a hug. “Thank you.”  
“Hmmm.” Johnny rested his chin on the top of Mark’s head for a while. “How about I buy you something nice while we’re out, yeah?”  
Mark pulled away and looked up at him with wide eyes. “You don’t have to.”  
“I want to.” Johnny grinned. He turned around and handed Mark his crutches. His words seemed to be the final word in the conversation, as he spun on his heel and marched out of the bathroom.   
Mark followed, trying to rid himself of the embarrassment of realizing that he’d just had an intimate conversation with Johnny while they were in the bathroom. Mark had been sitting on the toilet, of all places.   
Johnny seemed unphased by the entire situation, as he was already going on about this mall he was going to take Mark to. They both shoved on their shoes, and Johnny held the doors open for Mark as they made their way out of the apartment.   
“Johnny?” A familiar voice called out as they stepped out of the door.  
Mark turned to see Yoona. She seemed to notice him at the same time and smiled happily. “Oh, and you as well? What a pleasant surprise. Mark, wasn’t it?”  
Mark nodded. “Yes. It’s very nice to see you again Mrs. Kim.”  
“Just Yoona, please.” She smiled, shifting the baby on her hip. Mark noticed him for the first time.   
“Oh, he’s so cute!” He grinned.   
Johnny chuckled. “Isn’t he?”  
Yoona laughed. “If you think he’s so precious, why don’t you babysit him for me tomorrow night?”  
Mark’s eyes went wide, but Yoona was looking at Johnny. Johnny glanced at Mark with a sheepish smile on his face. “If Mark doesn’t mind. He…He’s been staying with me for a while.”  
“Well, that’s good.” Yoona smiled at Mark. “I’ve been telling him that he needs to get himself a good guy like you to keep him company. All these little hussies he has in and out of here, it’s bad for him.” She shot Johnny a glare.   
Mark didn’t have the heart to tell her that she was misunderstood. Johnny didn’t seem to be disagreeing with her, either. In fact, he scratched the back of his head and laughed.  
“Well, I wouldn’t exactly call all of my exes hussies.” He admitted. “But you’re right. Mark’s the best thing that ever happened to me.”  
Mark’s cheeks turned bright red as he sputtered. Neither of the others seemed to notice his reaction, as they just continued on with their conversation.   
“Do you really want us to watch him tomorrow?” Johnny had asked her.   
Yoona nodded and smiled. “It’s the first day since Yeogun was born that neither of us have to work. It would be nice to have a day just to us.”  
“I don’t mind.” Johnny smiled. “As long as Mark doesn’t mind having him?”  
Mark looked between the two of them as they turned to look at him. Mark smiled nervously. “I don’t mind at all. I love children.”  
Yoona and Johnny both smiled.  
“It’s settled, then.” Yoona hugged Johnny with her free arm. “I’ll bring him and his things over around six tomorrow.”  
“See you then, Yeogun.” Johnny teased the baby with his finger, grinning as the infact reached out for his finger and started laughing madly.   
They said goodbye to the woman and her child before setting off towards the car once more. Johnny had chosen to wear a pair of light blue jeans with rips in the knees along with a Nirvana shirt and a black leather jacket. Mark couldn’t help but look at him as they waited in the elevator on the way down.   
He needed to start making a list, he thought, of all the reasons why he and Johnny would never be together the way everyone seemed to think they were. First thing on that list would be how entirely out of his league Mark thought Johnny was. He was the perfect everything. He was smart, attractive, kind, caring, thoughtful.   
He came when Mark called, even though it was the middle of the night. He held him, and shared a bed with him, when he was scared. He cooked for him, whispered comfort to him during the scary parts of the movies. He had planned a special event for them that night. And these were just the things that he did for Mark, his friend. He couldn’t imagine how Johnny would treat someone that he actually was in a relationship with.   
Johnny seemed to realize he’d been staring way too long because he suddenly spoke just as the elevator landed on the ground floor. “What are you thinking about?”  
Mark huffed, shuffling out behind Johnny on his crutches. “Nothing.”  
Johnny held the door to the complex open as Mark hobbled out of it. He helped him down the front stairs, since it was easier than waddling all the way down to the handicapped ramp. Then they made it out to Johnny car, where he once again opened the door for Mark and buckled him in before sorting the crutches into the back.  
“Are you sure it’s nothing?” He asked, turning on the engine.   
“I just…” Mark looked out the window. “I’m so happy that I get to spend time with you.”  
“But?” Johnny’s fingers tightened on the wheel as he pulled out of the parking lot.   
“But.” Mark picked at his fingers. “I can’t help but feel guilty.”  
“Why?”  
“Because you have a girlfriend.” Mark reminded himself more than anything. “And you haven’t seen her in a week because you’ve been taking care of me.”  
“Don’t feel guilty about that.” Johnny reached out and took Mark’s hand into his own so he couldn’t keep picking at his fingers. “She completely understands the situation.”  
“She does?” Mark asked.   
Johnny gave his hand a squeeze. “She understands that my best friend needs me right now.”  
“She’s not mad?”  
“No.” Johnny’s thumb rubbed comforting circles on the back of Mark’s hand. “I text or call her every day. Besides, she’s going to be at the event at work on Thursday, so I’ll get to see her again then.”  
“Oh.” Mark hadn’t known she would be there. He tried to sound excited, but his heart sank at the idea. He felt guilty for taking Johnny away from his girlfriend, but he didn’t know if he wanted to spend and entire work shift watching the two of them be together. “That’s good.”  
Johnny only hummed and turned on the radio, keeping Mark’s hand in his as he drove off toward the mall.


	21. 21 - It all goes downhill from here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Johnny is whipped for Mark. 
> 
> This is totally a date.
> 
> I've gotten better at fluff lately but it's still angsty.

Johnny couldn’t get the smile off his face as he walked around the mall with Mark. They had gone in a few stores, and Mark was so energetic and excited that a few times he’d forgotten he was on crutches and nearly fallen. Johnny had taken the opportunity to catch him and hold him for a few moments before setting him right and chiding him lightly to be more careful.   
He didn’t mind that their browsing was incredibly slow, since they had to take frequent breaks for Mark to rest. He just enjoyed spending time with the younger boy. It was easy to keep his mind off the dark thoughts that kept swirling inside of him when Mark was smiling at him so brightly. His North Star, he smiled lightly as he watched Mark attempting to hug every stuffed animal on the shelf in the current store that they were in.   
He leaned against one of the pillars and smiled at Mark. They were in a toy shop, after having gone to three or four different clothing stores. Johnny had insisted on buying something for Mark in each store they had gone in. He knew that Mark wouldn’t ever ask him for anything, but he could also see the sadness in the boy’s eyes whenever he would see the brand names on Johnny’s clothes and then would turn around and poke his finger through the holes in his own clothes. It was worth it just to see the smile on the boy’s face.   
Mark finally picked one of the stuffed animals, a little green dragon with shimmering scales. He held it tightly as he maneuvered with his crutches over to Johnny and the rest of the bags. Johnny pushed away from the wall and smiled.   
“Is that the one you want?” He asked, nodding towards the dragon.   
Mark leaned against his crutches and held the dragon up. “Isn’t it cute?”  
“You’re cuter.” Johnny grinned as the blush painted Mark’s cheeks. “Why that one?”  
Mark looked from Johnny to Mark. “It reminds me of you.”  
“Me?” His eyebrow quirked up curiously.   
Mark nodded. “Can I get it?”  
Johnny sighed dramatically and pretended to check the price tag before humming thoughtfully. He tried not to break down laughing at the look of pure, innocent hopefulness on Mark’s face before he finally shrugged. “I guess so, if you’re sure this is the one you want?”  
“Yes, please!” Mark bounced happily on one foot.   
Johnny reached out and patted him on the head. “How could I ever say no when you look at me like that?”  
“You’re the best, Hyung.” Mark grinned brightly as he followed Johnny to the register. He bought the dragon and added it to the handful of bags that he already held.   
They walked out of the store and Johnny looked up towards the massive skylight at the top of the building. The sun was on the far side, and he could see the darkness beginning to loom over the sky.   
“Are you hungry?” He asked, checking his watch. It was starting to reach into the early evening.   
“I’m starving.” Mark grinned sheepishly. “Moving around on these crutches really takes a lot out of me.”  
Johnny smiled at him. “Let’s head back to the car. I know exactly where we can go.”  
They made their way slowly back to the parking garage, talking casually about all sorts of things. Johnny liked those conversations with Mark the best, the ones where they just talked mindlessly about everything and anything that popped into their minds. Those were the kinds of talks that really made Johnny feel like his old self again, made him forget about the person he’d become and the things he’d done.   
He liked that Mark would wait patiently by the car door for Johnny to open it. He liked when Mark would take his hand to help lower himself into the seat of the expensive car. He liked how close he could get to Mark with the excuse of helping him with his seat belt, and he liked that Mark didn’t mind Johnny buckling him in. If he wasn’t careful, Johnny thought, he could really end up developing a kink for taking care of Mark.   
He shut the door and put the crutches in the back before getting in the car and taking them back out onto the busy street. The radio was still on and they listened in silence for a few songs while they sat stuck in traffic. Mark perked up when a familiar tune started from the radio. Johnny turned the song up, grinning as Mark bopped his head back and forth to the beat, humming along with the tune until they were both belting out the chorus with smiles on their faces.   
“You can count on me like one, two, three, I’ll be there.” Mark sang loudly. Johnny was surprised by how good the boy’s voice sounded.   
“And I know when I need it, I can count on you like four three two.” Johnny picked up the line where Mark left off, watching the smaller boy’s ear-splitting grin from the corner of his eyes.   
“You’ll be there.” Mark picked up.   
They both sang the last part together. “Cause that’s what friends are supposed to do, oh yeah.”  
By the time the song came to a close, the two of them were giggling and grinning at each other. Johnny settled into a smile, finally glad that the traffic had let up as he turned towards the river, the setting sun at his back.   
“I didn’t know you could sing so well.” He commented.   
Mark blushed. “I didn’t know you sang like that either.”  
Johnny chuckled. “I took lessons when I was younger. There was a point when I thought I’d like to become a singer when I grew up.”  
“What happened?” Mark asked.   
Johnny shrugged with a lopsided grin, scratching at his arm. “I’m way too lazy for the amount of training those people go through.”  
Mark laughed at this response. “I used to sing in the church choir back in Canada when I was young, but I never had any real training.”  
“So you’re just exceptionally talented, then?” Johnny quirked a teasing eyebrow. “I’m jealous.”  
Mark’s cheeks were a brilliant shade of red that Johnny was quickly become fond of. He finally spun the car into a parking lot on the edge of the river.  
“Where are we?” Mark asked, peeking out of the window.   
“My favorite restaurant.” Johnny responded, already getting out of the car.   
He grabbed Mark’s crutches and helped him up and out of the car. Mark was looking around, taking in the scenery. It was a rather upscale restaurant, but not so fancy that they would be kicked out for being in jeans and trainers. It sat right on the water in the middle of a quaint little park.   
“My parents bring me here for my birthday every year.” He told Mark, leading him towards the restaurant doors.   
“Oh, wow.” Mark looked up at him with wide eyes. “You wanted to come here…with me?”  
“Of course.” Johnny grinned.   
He helped Mark carefully up the steps, apologizing to an older couple for taking up the entire narrow staircase. They smiled kindly, that it was no problem, and commented on how cute it was that Johnny was helping Mark.   
They made their way inside the restaurant and Johnny couldn’t take his eyes off of Mark. He was enamored by the way Mark’s expression changed to show his every thought. How his eyes went wide and bright as they walked in and he looked at the inside décor. How he bounced on his feet anxiously as they waited for the waitress to seat them. How his lower lip poked out a little when he started to look through the menu and realized how expensive the food here really was.   
“Pick anything you want.” Johnny told him. “I’m treating you, today.”  
Mark blushed once more. “You really don’t have to. I would have been fine with fast food or ramen.”  
“How could I take you out and feed you ramen?” Johnny feigned offense at the statement. “Mark, My love, you’re worth so much more than Ramen.”  
Johnny didn’t miss the way that Mark’s entire face when red at the term of endearment that he used. He’d said it once before, when he was half asleep and his mind hadn’t been able to filter out his feelings. Now, again, he used it teasingly to see how Mark would react. He was starting to think red was his favorite color.   
“You shouldn’t say things like that.” Mark muttered, but he couldn’t get the smile off his face. “People are going to think we’re a couple.”  
Johnny shrugged. “Let them. I don’t care what other people think.”  
“What if it gets back to your girlfriend?” Mark asked.   
“Why are you so preoccupied with my girlfriend?” Johnny pursed his lips together. Mark really did seem to bring up Johnny’s relationship every chance that he got. To be honest, Johnny had been debating ending the relationship since Mark had been with him again. He was much more happy, sitting here with Mark across from him, than he had ever been with Hana on his arm.   
“I’m not.” Mark squeaked out in embarrassment, looking away from Johnny. “It just…”  
“Just what?” Johnny leaned forward, stirring his drink with his straw. He watched Mark intently, waiting to see what he would say.  
“This entire day has felt…” Mark bit his lip and refused to look at Johnny. “You made me breakfast, and then you took me shopping. You bought me clothes and hats and toys. Then you bring me to a fancy restaurant. It’s like a…”  
“A date?” Johnny finished and Mark nodded as the blush deepened on his face. Johnny gave a soft laugh, leaning back in his chair. “It seems like you’ve gotten me, there. Fine. Today, I’ll admit. We’ve been on a date.”  
Mark’s mouth fell open, wagging like a fish out of water in his shock. He blinked a few times as he tried to process what Johnny had said. After a while of sputtering, he finally blurted out. “Why?”  
“Because.” Johnny lowered his voice, knowing that his answer would only be a half truth. “After everything that you’ve been through, I thought it would be nice for you to just be reminded how you deserve to be treated.”  
Mark’s expression softened and he smiled gently. “Johnny Hyung…”  
“Wae?” He asked, his heart pounding in his chest while he tried to sound like this conversation didn’t mean as much to him as it did.   
“You’re too good to me.” Mark muttered.   
“Not good enough.” Johnny responded. He leaned forward and took Mark’s hand in his own, looking into the boy’s eyes. “You don’t seem to get how amazing you are. How much you’re worth. How many people would give up everything just to be sitting where I am right now. You deserve the world, and you deserve to be treated like a king.”  
Mark was staring at his hands. “Thank you, but… that’s not really true.”  
“But it is.” Johnny gave Mark’s hand a squeeze. “You’ll believe me one day. But for now, let’s just have fun. Eat some delicious food. Then when it’s dark there’s something else I want to show you as well.”  
Mark’s lips tilted up into a lopsided smile, a grin that Johnny returned. “Alright, Hyung. Let’s eat.”  
The mood improved dramatically after the waitress came back to take their order. They had found themselves talking about all sorts of things, sharing stories from their childhoods and laughing at each other’s embarrassing stories. When the food came, Johnny talked Mark into trying a bite of his and he stole a bite of Mark’s in return.   
By the time Johnny paid and the two had walked out of the restaurant, the sky had turned dark. Instead of turning towards the car, Johnny turned the other way, heading down the path by the water’s edge. Mark followed behind on his crutches. Johnny watched him in the soft glow of the street lamps and smiled.   
“Are you alright to keep walking?” He asked.   
Mark nodded. “I think I can manage.”  
Johnny chuckled lightly, glancing back behind them. They had already walked quite a long way from the restaurant, but there was still a way to go. He stopped Mark, bending down in front of him.   
“Hop on. I’ll carry you some of the way so you can rest.”  
Mark protested at first, but in the end, he held his crutches to his side as Johnny carried him on his back down the river. Johnny could feel Mark’s warm breath on his neck, sending shivers down his spine.   
“I really can walk on my own.” Mark muttered next to his ear.   
“I won’t let you.” Johnny responded. “I like carrying you. Besides, we’re almost there.”  
“Where is there?” Mark asked.   
“You’ll see.” Johnny responded, a smile on his face.   
When he sat Mark down, they were at a small observation area overlooking the water. The bridge was just off in the distance, close enough that they could hear the distant hum of traffic. He balanced the crutches against the railing and wrapped Mark in his arms to hold him steady against the railing as well.   
“Are you warm?” He whispered to the smaller boy.   
Mark nodded. He seemed to be nuzzling into Johnny’s chest. “What are we waiting here for?”  
“You’ll see.” Johnny smiled once again, not wanting to ruin the surprise for Mark. He checked his watch. They had made it with plenty of time. Johnny just needed to keep him distracted until it was time. “You know what I think?”  
“What’s that?” Mark looked up at him.   
“You should sing at the open mic at work on Thursday.”  
“What?” Mark jumped in his arms. “No way. I can’t sing in front of people. I’ll make a fool of myself.”  
“But you’re so good.” Johnny responded. “Would you do it if I sang with you?”  
Mark didn’t answer to that, but he seemed to be thinking about it. He didn’t get a chance to respond, though, because the moment Johnny had been waiting for has suddenly arrived. A massive, beautiful light show across the span of the bridge. Fountains and lights blinking and dancing in harmony with each other.   
Johnny watched Mark’s face as Mark watched the show. He memorized every curve and every line as the way the rainbow lights fell on his face and twinkled in his full moon eyes. He was hopelessly in love, and he knew there was nothing he could do anymore. Except hide it.


	22. 22 - The child is fangirling over Minecraft Zombies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Johnny doesn't even try to hide it, does he?
> 
> Why is Mark so obvlivious?
> 
> Also, I still need people to fan about Chan with.

Mark couldn’t keep the smile off his face through the entire light show. He was hyper aware of Johnny behind him, leaning into the elder’s body to support him and keep his weight off his injured foot. Johnny kept a comfortable grip around his waist, pulling their bodies together. He could feel his blush, Johnny’s chin on his shoulder, the cool night air tingling against his warm skin.   
When the lights finished, the two of them lingered there for a while. Johnny didn’t seem to want to move and Mark was more than okay with that. He could have stayed like that all night and he was a little sad when he finally felt the older boy pull away.   
Mark reached out for his crutches, taking them as Johnny passed them over.   
“You sure you can make the walk back?” Johnny asked as Mark got his balance.   
“Yeah.” He laughed nervously. “I’m not tired after watching the lights.”  
Johnny gave him a crooked grin. “Did you like it?”  
“It was beautiful.” Mark hobbled along beside him, knowing that Johnny was walking slowly just so that he could keep up.   
Johnny watched him through the lights of the city glittering off the reflection of the water. “Beautiful.” He agreed.   
Mark couldn’t help blushing once more. He knew Johnny was talking about the light display. He couldn’t have been talking to Mark. Mark still had a blue spot healing on his cheek and a ring of black around his neck, hiding beneath the turtleneck that he wore. Even the makeup he’d lightly put on to cover the bruise didn’t help that much. He wasn’t attractive, much less beautiful.   
“Mark.” Johnny had stopped him, turned to face him. When Mark didn’t look up at him, he tucked a finger under his chin and tilted his head up until their eyes meet. “You’re thinking too hard.”  
“Sorry.” Mark gave a light chuckle.   
Johnny’s brow furrowed with worry. “Is everything alright?”  
Mark nodded. “Yeah.”  
“What’s on your mind?” Johnny asked softly. His thumb caressed the bruise on Mark’s cheek gently.   
Mark took Johnny’s hand away from his face, leaning on the crutches so that he could play with the older boy’s fingers to distract himself from the butterflies that threatened to escape from his chest. Johnny watched him silently, but Mark couldn’t think of how to explain his thoughts. It was too embarrassing. What should he have said? Hyung, do you think I’m pretty? He wanted to vomit at just the idea.   
“Want to know something?” Johnny’s whisper interrupted his thoughts, making Mark look up from beneath his lashes.   
Johnny was smiling softly, his gentle features illuminated by the moonlight, his eyes twinkling with something deep inside that lit a fire in Mark’s heart. He wanted to run, but he wanted to fall into it and warmed forever by the flames Johnny’s eyes offered.   
“W... what’s that?” Mark found himself stuttering.   
“You’re beautiful when you’re shy.” Johnny whispered.   
Mark’s eyes went wide and the noise that came out of his mouth was inhuman. A sound between a squeak and a snort, but it made Johnny chuckle. He pulled his hand from Mark’s just to brush a loose strand of blonde curls away from his face.   
“Hyung…” Mark muttered.  
“What?” Johnny asked. “It’s just the truth. You’re beautiful. Your hair is beautiful, your nose is beautiful, your eyes are beautiful, your lips…”  
Johnny’s words trailed off, his finger reaching out, brushing against Mark’s cheek, his eyes looking at the other’s lips. Mark gulped, his eyes going wide. He could feel the lightening in his fingers and he didn’t imagine that Johnny was inching closer to his face.   
He remembered the first time they had kissed, how the bells in his head hadn’t stopped ringing for hours. He wondered, would Johnny do it again? Last time, Mark had been terrified because of Jeno, afraid of what his boyfriend would think, would do, when he found out. Now, he had no such worries. Only that Johnny was in a relationship, and it wasn’t with Mark. Would he stop him? He should, but as Johnny drew closer, Mark knew that he could deny the older man nothing.   
A drop of cold water splashed on Mark’s cheek. Johnny’s lips inches from his own, the sky let loose and rain dropped from the sky like a sheet. Mark screamed and Johnny laughed. Johnny pulled away and looked up at the sky. Mark let out the breath he was holding, terrified of the moment that didn’t happen.   
Johnny looked out towards the distance as rain soaked them, looking at the car. “I’ll carry you.”  
Without any warning, Johnny scooped Mark up, grabbed his crutches, and started running towards the car. Mark buried his face in Johnny’s shoulder, holding on tight. He was wet and cold and Johnny was wet and warm, and he was running so fast that Mark was afraid of being dropped.   
He was squealing by the time Johnny skidded to a halt by the car, laughing. Mark couldn’t help but laugh as well when Johnny sat him down. He had to hold a hand up to keep the rain out of his face enough to see. Johnny fished the keys out of his pocket and unlocked the car so that he could help shuffle Mark in. He threw the crutches in and then climbed in through the drivers seat.   
“Wow, that’s insane.” Johnny laughed, wiping the rain from his face.   
Mark was laughing as well, now. He shivered and Johnny reached forward to turn on the hot air, facing the vents towards Mark. He was shivering himself, and looking at Mark softly.   
“I didn’t know it was gonna rain tonight.” Mark said.   
“Me either.” Johnny took a deep breath, looking out of the window. “I think we should wait here for a bit, see if it slows down some. It’s not safe to drive in this.”  
“You’re right.” Mark responded, wrapping his arms around himself.   
“Are you cold?” Johnny asked.   
Mark only nodded, smiling shyly as he shivered. Johnny turned around in his seat, nearly climbing into the back. Mark watched as he fumbled and then returned with a black duffle bag. Mark hadn’t even noticed that it was back there. Johnny unzipped it and pulled out a fresh, fluffy towel.   
“My gym bag.” He explained, dropping the towel on Mark’s head and drying his hair.   
“Yah!” Mark laughed, grabbing at Johnny’s hands. Eventually, he pulled the towel off his head, only for Johnny to tuck it around him like a blanket.   
“Can’t have you catching a cold.” He remarked.   
Mark pouted, but he was thankful for the warm blanket. “Thanks…”  
Johnny smiled, pulling off his wet jacket. He pulled out the dry shirt in the gym back and tucked the wet jacket into it, holding the shirt out to Mark. “Here, put this on. You’ll warm up quicker if you’re not in such damp clothing.”  
Mark flushed, looking around. “Here? In the parking lot?”  
Johnny shrugged. “No one can see through this rain. If you’re worried about me, I can close my eyes. I promise I won’t do anything to you just because you took your shirt off.”  
“No…” Mark flushed at the insinuation. “I don’t think you’d…”  
“Then change.” Johnny gave him a smile, but it looked a little sad. “Quickly.”  
Mark watched as Johnny turned his head to look out the window and pointedly not at Mark while he pried off his wet turtleneck and changed into the oversized tee that Johnny had handed him.   
“Ok.” He muttered. “Thank you, Hyung.”  
Johnny reached out and ruffled Mark’s hair before taking the wet shirt and dumping it into his gym bag as well. He smiled, but Mark noticed he wouldn’t look him in the eyes.   
“It’s died down as much as I think it will.” Johnny commented, looking out the window. “Enough at least that I feel safer driving home.”  
Mark watched Johnny in the reflection of the window as he started carefully out of the parking lot. He felt guilt overwhelming him, that Johnny would think Mark didn’t trust him. That Johnny would think that Mark would think Johnny capable of doing something so… Mark shook his head. He didn’t want to think about that. Johnny was not that type of person. He was a good man.   
Mark took the towel off his shoulders and dropped it over Johnny’s while he drove. Johnny quirked an eyebrow but didn’t look away from the still treacherous road.   
“You should be dry too, Hyung.” Mark muttered. “I don’t want you to get sick either.”  
Johnny gave a lop-sided grin. “Don’t worry about me, Mark, My Love, I’m healthy as an Ox.”  
Mark flushed at the words, unsure how to respond to them. Johnny chuckled and scratched at his arm before pulling the towel further around himself. Quickly, though, his hands were back on the wheel and he drove them carefully all the way back to the apartment.   
Mark kept his eyes on Johnny through the silent ride, his mind on everything that had happened. Johnny had taken him on a date to show him how he deserved to be treated. He had bought him gifts, taken him to a fancy dinner, and walked with him to watch a romantic light show. He had nearly kissed him before the rain began, and Mark’s heart thumped against his chest at the prospect.   
Johnny had a girlfriend. There was no reason he would be trying to kiss Mark. Johnny wasn’t the type of person who would cheat. He was much to kind, much to caring. There had to be some reason, Mark thought. Possibly, his eyes darted to Johnny even as the boy parked. That must have been it. He would ask.   
Mark was glad that Johnny parked inside the building’s parking garage this time. It was farther to walk to the flat Johnny lived in, but this way they would stay dry. Johnny silently handed Mark his crutches, helping him to stand. He grabbed all the shopping as well as his old gym bag, and started the slow trek towards the door.   
Inside the apartment, Johnny dropped the bags by the front door, eager to take off his wet clothes. Mark followed behind in silence. Johnny grabbed his clothes and went off to one of the back rooms to change. Mark had never been back there, had never asked Johnny what was back there. Supposedly another room and bathroom, but Mark had no idea what was in them.   
He grabbed his own clothes and went to the bathroom in the front. He took the time to relish in a hot bath before drying and dressing in his comfortable clothes. When he walked back out of the bathroom, Johnny was laying on the couch with a movie on, staring with a dazed expression at the screen.   
He smiled when Mark made his presence known, patting the seat next to him. “Enjoy your bath?”  
Mark nodded, taking the seat, but leaving some distance between the two of them. Johnny frowned.   
“Is there something wrong?”  
Mark shook his head. “No.”  
“Then why won’t you cuddle me?” Johnny pouted, making grabby hands towards Mark. Usually, this act of cuteness would make Mark chuckle and lean into the elder’s arms for a cuddle. Right now, Mark just wanted answers.   
“Can I ask you something?”  
“What is it?” Johnny sat up properly, realizing how serious Mark’s expression had been.   
“Why do you call me that?” He asked.   
“Call you what?”  
“That thing you called me in the car.” Mark responded, staring at his hands instead of at Johnny. He didn’t think he had the courage if he looked at the older man to speak at all.  
“My love?” Johnny questioned.   
Mark nodded with a blush already growing on his cheeks.   
“Because.” Johnny paused, seeming to stumble for a response, for the words he wanted to use. “Because you’re my best friend. The best thing that ever happened to me. My North Star. Of course, I love you.”  
Mark flushed. “Because we’re friends?”  
Johnny nodded. “If it’s too much, if it makes you uncomfortable, I can stop saying it.”  
Mark watched as Johnny’s shoulders dropped, as if he were a child being scolded by his parents. He sighed.   
“You took me out on the most romantic date I’ve ever been on so that, as my best friend, you could show me the way that I should expect to be treated by the next person I date?”  
There was a long pause, then Johnny spoke. “Yes.”  
“And when we walked back from that romantic date.” Mark watched Johnny intently from the corner of his eye. “Just before it started raining. Were you…going to kiss me?”  
“Mark, I…” Johnny started to speak, but the sound of his phone ringing interrupted his words. Johnny looked between his phone on the table, the name flashing on the front screen for them both to see, HaNa, and then back to Mark. Johnny bit his lip. “I’m sorry.”  
With that, Johnny grabbed the phone and disappeared from Mark’s side. Mark’s heart sat at his feet, shattered into pieces. Tears stung as his eyes, but he dare not let them fall. Johnny walked into the kitchen as he answered the call.   
“Hey, Babe.” Was all that Mark could hear as Johnny glanced back at him, lowering his voice.   
Mark sniffled, and shuffled himself back up on to his crutches and hid himself away in the bedroom. He noticed that Johnny must have moved all his new purchases into the bedroom while he’d been in the bath. All the bags were lined neatly against the wall and the stuffed dragon sat cutely on Mark’s pillow.   
He curled up under the blankets and held the dragon close to him, letting it absorb the tears that fell silently down his face like the rain that beat against the window he stared blankly at. That night, he fell asleep without Johnny’s warmth next to him for the first time since he’d started staying there.


	23. 23 - My birthday is next Thursday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mark is really good at talking about his problems without actually talking about his problems. 
> 
> Johnny is a good babysitter.
> 
> I'm starting to get frustrated that neither of these idiots are getting the message. You're in love, confess already! XD

Mark woke up to a cold bed and a dragon plushy smothering his face. His eyes were red and puffy, but the sky had ceased its flood. The dull light of the morning filtered through and Mark knew that it was still very early in the morning. Still, he shuffled himself out of the bed, grabbed his crutches, and hobbled his way into the living room.   
Johnny was sleeping peacefully on the couch. So, Mark thought, he’d not come to bed at all last night. Instead, he’d chosen to sleep out here on the couch. Mark wondered if he’d deliberately slept out here so that he wouldn’t have to share a bed with Mark after the awkward questions he’d asked the night before. Or had he simply fallen asleep while still talking on the phone with his girlfriend.  
Mark hated that he was jealous. He didn’t want to be that person, that petty friend who couldn’t be happy for their best friend. He didn’t want to hate this girl he’d only met once. He didn’t want to stand there with his stomach filling with acid and his eyes stinging with tears because he was in love, so in love, with this kind, wonderful soul, who would never love him back.   
“Mark?” Johnny sleep graveled voice startled Mark from his thoughts.  
He looked down to see that the older man had stirred himself awake. Johnny rubbed sleepily at his eyes. Yawning, he squinted with one eye through the light filtering through the windows. “What time is it?”  
Mark checked the nearest clock. “Seven in the morning. Go back to sleep.”  
Johnny was shaking his head, already sitting up. “I should get started on breakfast.”  
“I can make something for myself.” Mark spun on his crutches to head into the kitchen, sick with himself for the way he was acting so childishly.   
Johnny followed him into the kitchen, watching him curiously. “Is everything okay?”  
“Fine.” Mark snapped, balancing on one crutch so that he could open the pantry to look inside.   
Johnny jumped forward to help, but Mark pushed his hands away. “I can do it myself!”  
“Okay.” Johnny frowned. “I just wanted to help.”  
“I don’t need your help.” Mark snapped, staring pointedly into the pantry. He shuffled some things around until he found the tin of oatmeal and pulled it out.   
Johnny stepped back, a frown on his face, and watched as Mark awkwardly shuffled around the kitchen on his crutches, attempting to sort out breakfast on his own. Mark hated it. He hated how dependent he’d become on Johnny. He hated how much he needed the older man and how little that man needed him in return.   
There was a deep silence in the kitchen while Mark cooked his oatmeal, making it a point not to look at Johnny. He was angry, upset, jealous. He’d become accustomed to waking up in Johnny’s arms, in Johnny’s bed. He hated being reminded that it wasn’t his place to be. He would be healed soon. In fact, he was sure he probably was already fine. Then, he would need to find somewhere permanent to live, and he would not longer be sharing Johnny’s bed.   
He sat down at the table and shoved a bite of the bland, nearly burned oatmeal into his mouth. He heard clatter in the rest of the kitchen before Johnny sat down across from him with a bowl of cereal. Johnny glanced up at him like a kicked puppy and Mark felt guilty for the way he’d just acted.   
“I’m sorry.” Mark muttered quietly.   
“What for?” Johnny whispered, not looking up from his cereal.   
“I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that.” Mark explained.   
“Then why did you?” Johnny’s question was guarded and Mark hated his friend’s voice that way.   
Mark sighed. “You’ve done everything for me since I came here. You ran my baths, carried me from place to place, gave me clothes, cooked my foot, bandaged my wounds. There hasn’t been anything I’ve done for myself.”  
“You’re injured.” Johnny whispered. “I was trying to help.”  
“You did help.” Mark muttered. “I just… I want to be able to take care of myself. I let myself become so dependent on… on Jeno… that I wasn’t even able to see that he was abusing me for so long. I don’t want… I just…”  
Johnny nodded, despite the fact that Mark couldn’t complete a proper sentence. He seemed to understand, though, and for that Mark was grateful.   
“You want to be able to do things for yourself.” Johnny spoke carefully. “Because he made you feel like you couldn’t. And with me constantly trying to take care of you, you haven’t had the chance to do that.”  
“Something like that.” Mark muttered. He wasn’t going to mention the jealousy he felt. Yes, he wanted to be able to depend on himself, Johnny wasn’t wrong. But also, he hated Johnny doing things for him, only for him to be reminded that Johnny should be doing these things for his girlfriend. Would be doing them, if Mark wasn’t taking away all of his time.  
“I don’t want to let myself become too dependent on you, because after I get this bandage taken off, I’m going to need to find somewhere permanent to live.” Mark muttered.  
“You aren’t going to stay here?” Johnny looked up at him.   
Mark pouted. “I can’t share your bed forever, Hyung.”  
Johnny’s eyes widened. He looked away. Mark seemed to realize what he’d said and gasped.  
“Not like that!” He muttered. “I mean. There’s only your bedroom. With me here, you can’t even have your bed to yourself. And you never have time for your girlfriend. You’re so busy taking care of me all the time. I want to be able to take care of myself.”  
Johnny nodded slowly. “Okay.”  
Johnny didn’t say anything else to Mark the rest of breakfast, and Mark wondered if he’d offended the older man. But after they finished eating, Johnny asked Mark to clean up the kitchen and ruffled his hair before disappearing into the back room.   
Mark smiled. Johnny had listened to his concerns, and has giving him the chance to do what he wanted. Mark happily made two trips from the table to the sink to get both bowls. He was content to lean his weight against the counter as he washed and dried the bowls. He could not, however, put them away. The shelf was too high up.   
Mark hobbled into the hallway, to the closed door of the back room. He knocked carefully.   
“What is it?” Johnny responded from inside the room.   
“Hyung.” Mark muttered. “The shelf to put the bowls away is too high. I can’t reach it.”  
He heard some shuffling inside of the room, then the door peeked open just the smallest bit, not enough that Mark could see pat Johnny hovering in the door frame with a smirk on his face.   
“Do you need my help, then?” He teased.   
Mark glared at him. “Don’t even start.”  
Johnny laughed, glancing back into the room. “Just give me a moment and I’ll come put them away.”  
Mark nodded. “Okay then.”  
Mark went and sat down on the couch, turning on the television. After a few minutes, Johnny came out of the back room. He put the bowls away and then dropped down on the couch beside Mark. He glanced at his older friend and frowned. Johnny’s eyes were rimmed with red. Had be been crying, Mark wondered.   
Johnny was smiling, though, and wrapped an arm around Mark, pulling Mark into his chest. He nuzzled into the smaller boy’s hair. “What should we do today?”  
Mark huffed, trying to get comfortable in Johnny’s arms. “We’ve got to babysit for Yoona tonight.”  
“Ah, I remember.” Johnny nodded. “Shall we go out until then?”  
“I’d like to stay in today.” Mark muttered. “Want to watch a movie?”  
Johnny hummed. “Sounds good.”  
They stayed that way the rest of the day, curled up together on the couch, watching movies. Johnny only got up to warm up some leftovers that they ate on the couch. Mark was paying more attention to the sun dropping in the distance through the window than he was the ending of the movie on the screen.   
He was half asleep in Johnny’s arms when the doorbell rang. He startled awake, to Johnny’s laughter. The older man slipped from beneath him and went to answer the door. Mark listened from the couch as Johnny chatted with Yoona for a while, then returned with a baby and a bag of stuff.   
Mark giggled happily, holding his arms out for the baby. Johnny carefully passed over the four-month-old and dropped the bag onto the table nearby. He went back to the door and pulled in a play cot and set about putting it up next to the couch. Mark sat the baby on his knee, cooing at him while he gently bounced him up and down. The baby giggled.   
Johnny finished putting together the cot and paused to look up and watch Mark play with the baby. He’d always pictured Mark as a kid in his mind, especially when they’d first met, before he’d learned that Mark was wise beyond his years. Now, seeing Mark smiling happily down at the little human bundled in his arms, all Johnny could see was how much Mark looked like he would be a great parent.   
Johnny had always loved children, but he’d never wanted any of his own. He was barely responsible enough to take care of himself, how was he going to take care of a baby? Besides, he couldn’t keep a relationship long enough to make a stable home for a kid.   
“What are you thinking about, Hyung?” Mark’s voice drew him from his thoughts and he scratched at the inside of his arm as he smiled.  
“You really know how to take care of children.” Johnny responded.   
Mark nodded. “Back in Canada, I used to help out in the nursery at Church.”  
“You ever wanted any of your own?” Johnny asked.   
Mark hummed. “It would be nice to adopt when I’m older. But I doubt I’ll ever have any of my own. I’d have to sleep with a girl for that to happen.”  
Johnny chuckled at the disgusted expression on Mark’s face. He pulled himself up off the ground and stretched, taking the baby from Mark. He held Yeogun and tickled his little baby belly, grinning.   
“What about you?” Mark asked. “Do you ever want kids?”  
Johnny hummed. “Probably not.”  
Mark hummed, drawing his knees up to his chest as he curled up on the couch and watched Johnny cuddle the baby.   
“Yoona said he’d just taken a bottle, so he’ll probably want to be put down for a nap pretty soon.” Johnny said, patting the baby on the back.   
The infant burped loudly, startling himself. He started to cry, making Mark and Johnny laugh as Johnny soothed the baby calm again, letting him fall asleep in his arms. He put him down in the cot and pulled a small blanket over him before going back to sit next to Mark on the couch.   
“He’s so cute.” Johnny said.   
Mark nodded. “You know, if you ever change your mind, I think you’d make a great dad.”  
“You will too, one day.” Johnny smiled at Mark, ruffling his hair as the younger boy blushed.   
Johnny loved making Mark blush. It was just too easy with the shy boy. Just nuzzle him close, glance down at his lips like he might kiss him, compliment him just the right way, and Mark would become a stuttering, blushing mess in front of him. He liked that he could affect the younger in such a way.   
Johnny had long since stopped trying to deny it to himself that he had feelings for Mark. He didn’t know when it had happened, or how it had happened. At some point, Mark had become his everything. Now, that everything was slipping out of his reach.   
Johnny’s days with Mark were numbered. The doctor would tell him at his appointment in five days that he was perfectly healed. Mark wouldn’t need the crutches anymore. He would start going back to school tomorrow, and go back to work, and as soon as the Doctor told him he was fine, he would start looking for somewhere else to live. All Johnny could hope for was that it would take Mark a long time to find a place he could afford on the part time salary that he made at the book store.  
Babysitting Yeogun was always an easy task. He was a very good baby. He’d fallen asleep nearly as soon as they brought him inside. Mark and Johnny made it through nearly an entire movie before he stirred and began to cry. Johnny scooped him up and his face twisted with disgust.   
“He needs a changing.”  
Mark laughed, leaning forward to grab the diaper bag. “Bring him here.”  
Johnny waited as Mark pulled out the changing pad and spread it over the couch before he put the child down onto it. He watched, pinching his nose, while Mark expertly removed the messy diaper, wiped and cleaned the baby, and placed a new diaper on him fairly quickly. He reached out with one hand still clamped on his nose to take the messy diaper and drop it into a trash can.  
Mark cuddled the baby, playing with him.   
“Diapers are the worst part of babysitting.” Johnny joked, cleaning up the diaper bag and taking his spot next to Mark.   
Mark leaned back into him with the baby laying on his chest. Johnny leaned down, dropping his chin on top of Mark’s head and wrapped his arms around him to finish the movie. Mark patted the baby’s back softly, bouncing him while Johnny cuddled him. He couldn’t help but to think, as he looked down at Mark and the child, that if it was Mark, he might not mind having a child.   
Johnny sighed, dropping a kiss to the top of Mark’s head. “About what you asked last night.”  
“Huh?” Mark didn’t move, for fear of disturbing the dozing child on his chest.   
Johnny gulped. “I was going to kiss you.”  
“Oh.” He felt Mark tense beneath him and his heart stung.   
Johnny bit his lip, eyes closed. He knew he shouldn’t have brought it up, but it had been on his mind all morning. “I’m sorry, Mark. I shouldn’t have overstepped like that.”  
“Overstepped?” Mark’s face scrunched up in confusion.   
Johnny swallowed. “I don’t know what I was thinking and I must have made you so uncomfortable. I know you said I don’t need to sleep out on the couch, but I thought you might want some space from me.”  
“Oh.” Mark nearly whispered, the movie all but forgotten on the screen before them. “That’s why you never came to bed. I thought…”  
“Thought what?”  
Mark shrugged with one shoulder. Johnny’s fingers were drawing circles on Mark’s hip where his hand rested. “I had thought you’d just fallen asleep out here talking to your girlfriend.”  
His girlfriend. Johnny’s stomach twisted with guilt. His neglected girlfriend. The one he brushed off, hardly texted, never saw anymore. The one he couldn’t bear to greet because every time she called and he walked out of the room Mark was in to answer, he felt like he was being caught in some kind of an affair. HaNa was a kind girl. She didn’t deserve that kind of treatment. Johnny felt guilty again. Neither she, nor Mark, thought that Johnny would be that kind of person. They didn’t know what kind of person he was.   
“I wasn’t on the phone with her long.” Johnny finally spoke up after being silent for too long. “But when I hung up, you weren’t in the living room anymore.”  
“I went to the bedroom, to give you some privacy.” Mark muttered. “Me being here makes it hard for you to have time with your girlfriend.”  
“She understands.” Johnny lied. She hated that Johnny never spent time with her, and they’d only been together for a few weeks, hardly a month. Honestly, he was surprised that she hadn’t just dumped him yet. It was so new, and he was such an asshole, he wouldn’t have blamed her. She must have liked him more than he’d realized, and that made him feel like even worse of a person.   
“Still.” Mark spoke. “It’ll be less of a strain on your relationship when I’m able to move out.”  
I don’t want you to move out, Johnny wanted to say. I’ll miss you too much. I don’t want her here, I want you. It’s always you. Please, don’t leave me. I love you.


	24. 24 - Queerer than a two dollar bill is one of my favorite phrases

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Johnny read Mark's psychology textbooks...that's never good.
> 
> Mark actually thinks YangYang is super adorable. 
> 
> Jeno returns again.

Johnny took Mark to the university campus the next day. He parked him by the building of his first class and it took everything within him not to run around the car and help Mark out. He just pulled the crutches out of the back seat and handed them to him. He did, however, insist that Mark let Johnny carry his back pack up to the classroom door.   
Mark was greeted along the way by several of his classmates. One, a short girl with her hair in braids, bounced up to Mark with a grin on his face.   
“Hey Mark!” He grinned. “I’m so glad you’re back. We’ve been worried about you.”  
Mark smiled. “Thanks, SooHee. I wasn’t anything too serious. Just an accident.”  
SooHee, as Mark had called her, looked over Mark’s injuries. Then she turned her eyes up towards Johnny, standing awkwardly behind the younger boy and her eyes went wide.   
“Mark, is that your boyfriend?” She spoke in a mock whisper, knowing that Johnny could hear her. Mark choked at the question, but Johnny only laughed.   
“I’m not.” Johnny spoke for Mark. “I’m Johnny, Mark’s best friend.”  
“Oh, you’re not together, then?” Her eyes twinkled. “Cause I’ve got a friend who will think you’re cute.”  
“He’s already got a girlfriend.” Mark snapped, a frown on his face. Johnny almost thought his expression was jealous.   
SooHee pouted, but it only lasted for a moment before the smile was back on her face. She bid him good-bye, that she would see him in their shared class later.   
“Sorry about that.” Mark chuckled as they continued to walk on down towards Mark’s classroom. “She’s sort of desperate to find her best friend a date.”  
“What’s wrong with her friend?” Johnny asked.   
Mark shrugged. “Nothing, really. She’s actually really pretty, and really smart. She’s just also really conservative.”  
Johnny hummed knowingly. In the university setting, being conservative was classed the same as being prude. It was harsh, but many boys wouldn’t want to go out with a girl they knew they couldn’t score with. Johnny wouldn’t. He glanced at Mark. Unless it was Mark. He could never take Mark to bed for their entire lives, never get the chance to taste those soft lips again, or anything else that Mark had to offer, and he would be alright with it. If it was Mark, Johnny would be okay with anything.   
He hadn’t realized that he’d daydreamed the entire way to the door until Mark was asking him for his bag. Johnny shrugged it off his shoulder and waited for Mark to get it sorted with his crutches. He reached up to ruffle his hair, but dropped his hand back to his side, thinking better of it. He didn’t want to embarrass Mark in front of the other students.   
“You’ve got your phone?” Johnny asked.   
Mark nodded. “I’ll call you as soon as my last class is over and let you know where I’m at.”  
Johnny hovered at the door, even after Mark had walked into the classroom, until the boy turned back around and waved him off with a laugh.   
. Johnny gave a heavy sigh and tore himself away, making his way back down towards his car. It was Mark’s first day back and school, and it would be Johnny’s first day back at work, officially. The drive from university to the shop wasn’t terribly long.  
It was Jaena and Lucas in the bookshop and Taeyong behind the counter in the coffee shop when Johnny finally made it there. The shop had never had a uniform before, but Taeyong enjoyed the aesthetic of the black dress pants and the white shirt and vest. Johnny had chosen to wear a plain tee with his leather jacket and some jeans. He’d even opted for his sunglasses because Mark had told him the other day how cool he looked in them.   
Jaena shot Johnny a glare, still not having forgiven him for his part in Mark’s incident. He hadn’t forgiven himself either, so it was fine.   
Lucas stumbled up to him with a wide grin on his face. “Johnny Hyung! I’m glad you’re back! How’s Mark?”  
“He’s good.” Johnny responded. “I’m going to go get him after classes and bring him here.”  
“He starts back today.” Lucas wouldn’t stop grinning. “How is his foot?”  
“Probably already all healed up. He goes to the doctor at the end of the week to check on it.”  
“How are the two of you?” Lucas asked, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.   
Johnny shot him a glare. “There’s nothing going on between the two of us. And I suggest everyone stop making those jokes for a while, especially around Mark. He’s just gotten out of a bad relationship, it would be insensitive to joke about that topic.”  
Lucas frowned, visibly upset that he could have offended Mark. Ten came up behind his boyfriend and patted his back. “It’s alright, Lucas. But Johnny is right. Let’s not joke about that for a while.”  
Lucas nodded. “Sorry.”  
Ten pecked him on the lips and shooed him back off to finish his work. Ten had taken up a seat on one of the tables in the café. He smiled at Johnny. “Glad you’re here. I am craving a mochaccino.”  
Johnny laughed. “Get Taeyong to make you one.”  
“But they aren’t as good as yours.” Ten pouted.   
Johnny rolled his eyes. “You’re lucky I love you.”  
Ten grinned widely, pattering behind Johnny as he made his way around the counter to make Ten’s coffee.  
“How have things been at your place?” Taeyong asked, leaning against the counter while Johnny worked. Ten leaned against the other side, watching.   
Johnny shrugged. “Last night Mark and I babysat Yoona Noona’s son.”  
“Your neighbor?” Taeyong asked.   
Johnny hummed an affirmative. “And the night before that, we went out.”  
“Like, on a date?” Ten asked, eyebrows tilted up curiously.   
Johnny could feel the red rising in his ears, but he shook his head. “No, not really. I just… Mark has been stuck in that house since he got injured. It was just nice for him to get out for once.”  
“So where did you go?” Taeyong asked.   
“Shopping.” Johnny answered. “Then to eat. And then to see the light show at the bridge.”  
“But didn’t it rain Saturday night?” Ten asked.   
Johnny nodded, chuckling to himself at the memory. “We got caught in the rain on the way back to the car.”  
“So…” Ten muttered. “That sounds like a date.”  
“Yeah.” Taeyong grinned. “Did you kiss?”  
“No!” Johnny snapped, glaring at the two of them as he slammed Ten’s drink onto the counter.   
“But you wanted to!” Taeyong giggled.   
Johnny continued to glare at him. “Talking about that kind of stuff makes Mark uncomfortable, could you please not?”  
“But Mark isn’t here.” Ten pointed out.   
Johnny sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Whatever.”  
Taeyong sighed. “Don’t be mad, Johnny. You know we’re only teasing.”  
“I know.” Johnny responded. “Things have just been… lately.”  
Taeyong glanced at Ten, who knew that it was time for him to disappear. He quietly grabbed his drink and went back to sit down at his table. Taeyong moved closer to Johnny, his voice low as he spoke.   
“Does it have to do with those feelings you’re having?”  
“I’ve got a girlfriend, Taeyong.” Johnny snapped.   
Taeyong rolled his eyes. “When has that ever stopped you before?”  
Johnny glared at him. Taeyong smiled sheepishly.   
“Have you told him how you feel?”  
“No.” Johnny hissed. “And I’m not going to, and neither are you.”  
“Why not?” Taeyong asked. “It’s not like he’s going to reject you.”  
Johnny sighed. “He doesn’t like me.”  
“And why do you think that?” Taeyong frowned. “He looks at you like the sun shines out of your ass.”  
“He’s traumatized by an abusive relationship, and I’m the first kind person to take him in since.” Johnny responded. “It’s only normal that he would get attached, but it’s not real. It’s just a symptom of the trauma. As he heals, his feelings will change.”  
“And where did you get that information?”  
Johnny shot Taeyong a look. “From one of Mark’s phycology textbooks.”  
“You read his textbooks?” Taeyong’s expression was one of disbelief.   
Johnny shrugged. “I haven’t been sleeping well lately, and I was curious about what kinds of things he studies.”  
“Jesus.” Taeyong breathed out. “You’re in deeper than I thought.”  
Johnny sighed. “Can you stop saying that? Mark is my friend. I’d like to keep it that way.”  
“You should just tell him.” Taeyong sighed.   
“No.” Johnny’s tone was final, ending the conversation there. He refused to continue to talk about Mark for the rest of the shift, only waiting and checking his phone for Mark’s call so that he could go get the boy again. 

Being back on campus made Mark feel freer than he had in such a long time. Even though he’d had to take extra time to get from each class to the next, and explain what had happened to all his teachers, presenting them with the paperwork from the hospital. He’d had a few other students in his classes that he spoke to sometimes, though he’d never bothered to get close to any of them because of Jeno.   
Now, he was happy to sit with them in the café during a longer break between two of his classes. He munched on a sandwich that Johnny had packed him – he’d found the lunch box tucked inside of his backpack secretly when he’d opened it to get his textbooks for his first class. He’d rolled his eyes and made a note to thank Johnny when he picked him up.   
SooHee and her best friend JaeMin sat across from him, with SooHee’s boyfriend HaeSung and three of his friends Moonkyu, Jongin, and Soohyun. They all laughed as they talked, catching Mark up on all of the gossip that he’d missed as well as all of the class work from the classes they shared. Mark had been lucky to be able to get most of his teachers to give him copies of the notes from classes on the days he’d been gone.   
“So, Jeremy walked up to her and she just slung the entire drink right in his face.” Moonkyu was laughing with tears in his eyes as he finished his story.   
JaeMin pouted. “Well, it serves him right. He was cheating on her.”  
“He totally deserved it.” Moonkyu agreed. “He’s always been an asshole. We were in the same homeroom in high school and he still hasn’t changed.”  
“Mark?” A voice from behind Mark caught his attention, oddly familiar. The group looked up and Mark saw a bright, smiling face bouncing towards him. “Mark! I thought it was you. How have you been doing? Is your foot healing well? How’s Johnny?”  
“YangYang.” Mark pinched the bridge of his nose, but he smiled at the boy none-the-less. “You’re going to have to stick to Korean or English. I don’t know German, or Chinese, or Japanese.”  
YangYang blushed and laughed. “Oh, sorry. Sometimes I can’t control my words.”  
“Who is this?” SooHee asked, glancing towards her friend – who rolled her eyes.  
“YangYang.” The boy introduced himself. “I’m friends with Mark’s boyfriend.”  
“He’s not my boyfriend.” Mark spoke up.   
YangYang turned to Mark with an appraising look, then rolled his eyes and turned back to the others.   
“What are you doing here?” Mark asked before he could say anything else. “You don’t go to this school.”  
“Oh, no.” YangYang responded. “But I promised my friend Yoongi, who teaches one of the art classes here, that I’d help him with some modelling something or another, but I have no idea where the art building actually is.”  
“Oh, the art hall?” Mark leaned up. “That’s right next door to my next class. I can show you.”  
“You would?” YangYang lit up with a bright smile. “Oh, you are simply the best!”  
Mark bid an early farewell to his friends, packing up his things. He thanked YangYang when the other boy offered to carry his back pack for him as they slowly made their way across the campus.   
“So.” YangYan finally spoke up as they walked. “You and Johnny aren’t dating yet?”  
“Why would you think we would?” Mark frowned.   
“Because it’s kind of obvious that you’re in love with each other.” He deadpanned.   
Mark laughed. “That would be a no.”  
“And why’s that?”  
“First, Johnny’s not even into boys.” Mark responded. “Second, he’s got a girlfriend.”  
“First.” YangYang responded. “Johnny is absolutely into boys, he’s just never acted on it before. Secondly, I didn’t know he was dating anybody.”  
“He what?” Mark’s eyes went wide as he looked at YangYang.   
The German boy shrugged his shoulders. “Oh, yeah. Johnny’s totally in the closet. I mean, he once dated a trans girl who still had her junk, but I don’t think they ever did anything.”  
“I…didn’t know.”  
“You thought he was straight?” YangYang asked.  
Mark nodded silently. YangYang just laughed and draped an arm over Mark’s shoulder as they walked. “My sweet child.” He spoke in English, feigning an accent from the American South. “That boy’s queerer than a two dollar bill.”  
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Mark frowned.   
YangYang dropped his arm and laughed, shrugging. “No idea, but it’s something I heard a guy say once when I went on vacation to America. I thought it sounded fitting.”  
“This is the art building.” Mark stopped, pointing towards the brick building in front of them.   
YangYang thanked him, hugging him once more. “I’ll see you again soon. I’ll be here like, every day for a few weeks. We should catch up again. And tell Johnny that I said hello.”  
YangYang waved to Mark, disappearing inside the building. Mark sighed, starting to turn around to the building across the street. He still had half an hour until class started, but there was no point walking all the way back across campus again.   
“Was that a friend of yours?” A familiar voice stilled Mark in his tracks. He looked up to see the boy standing in front of him.   
“What are you doing here?” Mark tried not to stutter as he spoke. “Jeno?”


	25. 25 - My cat has lil stubbily nubbins and he's so cute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mark knows he makes poor life choices. 
> 
> He also knows that he's a liar. 
> 
> Everyone is just protective of baby Mark.

Mark clenched tight to his crutches, ready to swing one at Jeno if he had to. His heart pounded in his chest, suffocating him.   
“What are you doing here?” Mark repeated.   
Jeno had his hands dropped to his sides. His shoulders hunched, he looked at Mark like a kicked puppy. When he spoke, he ignored Mark’s question. “I’m glad that you’re making friends. I’m sorry that it was because of me you felt that you couldn’t have any.”  
“Jeno.” Mark swallowed. “Why are you here?”  
The younger boy took a step closer to Mark, but he hopped back two steps on his crutches. His heart clenched at the heartbroken expression Jeno gave him. Then he reminded himself that this person was the reason he was on crutches in the first place, and he had no reason to feel guilty about upsetting him.   
“I tried to come see you at the bookstore.” Jeno muttered. “But they wouldn’t let me talk to you.”  
“Because I don’t want to talk to you.” Mark responded, trying to sound more confident than he felt.   
“Please.” Jeno started to step forward, but he hesitated and stood in his place. “I just want to apologize.”  
“Why should I listen to you?” Mark asked.   
“After everything happened, I realized how messed up I’d gotten. I started seeing a therapist.”  
“Good for you.” Mark glared.   
“Mark, please.” Jeno begged. “I haven’t been able to sleep properly in weeks, not knowing if you were alright or not.”  
“I’m fine.” Mark snapped. “You can leave now.”  
“Mark.” Jeno’s voice was soft and he smiled carefully. “Will you please just…sit with me for a moment. Please, just let me apologize to you properly?”  
Mark hesitated. Everything inside of him screamed at him to say no, to run away, to hit Jeno with a crutch and scream for help. His mind yelled at him to say no and to walk into his classroom, yet he found his legs walking the other direction, following behind Jeno until they came to an out of the way bench.   
Jeno reached out to help Mark sit, but stepped back when Mark flinched away. When he sat as well, he left some space between the two of them. Mark was shocked by how careful, how respectful, Jeno was being.   
“You have five minutes.” Mark looked away from Jeno, arms crossed over his chest.   
“Thank you.” Jeno spoke. “I know that I don’t even deserve this chance. You’ve always been more kind than I deserved.”  
“I know.” Mark snapped.  
Jeno paused as he began his next sentence, pressing his lips together and looking as if Mark had just slapped him. Something inside Mark told him that he needed to be more careful, he needed not to anger Jeno. Something else, however, wanted to be spiteful and petulant and hateful. But that wasn’t who Mark was. He was kind to a fault.   
“Everything that went wrong between us was my fault.” Jeno started out. “I have no excuse for my behavior because all of it was wrong. The yelling, the insults, the cheating, the… hurting you. I was scared and angry with myself, and I was taking it out on you. I realize that now. I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I just wanted to tell you.”  
Mark was silent as Jeno stopped speaking. He didn’t know how to respond, but Jeno hadn’t expected him to because he’d just taken a breath and kept on talking.   
“We got together when I was still so young. You were my first, my only relationship. I didn’t care that we were both boys, but I was so young. As we grew older, after you’d come to live with me, I started… I started having doubts about us. About whether or not I was even gay. I hated myself. I felt so guilty. I started going out, hooking up with other people. At first, I was just telling myself it was an experiment, just to see if I really was gay. Then, I tried to tell myself that it was because I knew you didn’t like the things in bed that I do, and I was keeping myself from hurting you. I was always able to come up with some crappy excuse for my shitty behavior.”  
Mark swallowed, biting back the tears that threatened to fall down his face. His heart felt like it was breaking all over again. To have his ex’s faults laid so bare in front of him by the man himself, Mark felt like his bruised heart was being cut open once again.   
“I started drinking to keep my mind off of the things I’d done, but I only got paranoid. I knew how badly I treated you. I knew you deserved someone so much better, but I couldn’t stand the thought of letting you go. I love you so much. I got paranoid, and I got violent. I never deserved you, and you never deserved any of the things that I did to you. And it breaks my heart to sit here in front of you and know that you’re not mine anymore. But I’m thankful.”  
“Th… Thankful?” Mark’s voice cracked.   
Jeno nodded. “Thankful that you finally left. I was selfish and I couldn’t let you go. I prayed with every bottle of beer that I finished that you would finally just have enough and leave because I didn’t have the strength to do it myself.”  
“Oh.” Was all that Mark could think to say.   
“How are you doing?” Jeno asked, voice gentle.   
Mark debated for a moment whether he should respond or not, but then he looked into the boy’s worried eyes and he sighed. “I’m doing better. I’m healing.”  
“How is your foot?”  
“I see the doctor again at the end of the week, but it’s healing alright.”   
“Are you staying somewhere safe?” Jeno asked. “Have you been eating well?”  
Mark paused at this, not sure if it was a good idea to tell Jeno, but the part of him that just wanted to be spiteful won over. “I’ve been staying with Johnny. After… after I left the apartment, he came and found me. He took me to the hospital, and has been helping take care of me.”  
Jeno frowned, but he took a deep breath and then spoke in a shaky voice. “He treats you well? Like you deserve?”  
Mark sighed softly. “It’s not like that between us.”  
Jeno glanced up at Mark, his expression a mixture of disbelief and shock.   
Mark gave him a small, nervous smile. “I told you, I wasn’t lying. Johnny has a girlfriend. He’s just…unusually kind to me.”  
“He kissed you.” Jeno blurted.   
“It was an accident.” Mark muttered, not wanting to think about it. “I tried to explain to you before. Johnny is American, he’s used to doing things… differently. That day… I had been feeling insecure. He was just trying to cheer me up, convince me that I’m not as ugly as I am.”  
“You aren’t ugly.” Jeno spoke up. “You’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever met.”  
“Thanks.” Mark gave a shy smile. “It’s not true, but thanks.”  
“So.” Jeno paused, gathering his thoughts. “He thought that kissing you would convince you that you’re attractive?”  
Mark shrugged. “He’s that kind of person.”  
“I’m sorry I doubted you.” Jeno responded. “I’m sorry for everything.”  
Mark glanced at his watch, then towards the building in the distance where his class was being held. “I need to get back to class before I’m late.”  
Jeno nodded, standing up. “I’m glad you’re doing well, Mark. I really am.”  
“Thank you.” Mark balanced himself on the crutches, feeling confused and a little dazed by how this entire conversation had gone.   
“I hope, in time, you’ll be able to forgive me for what I did to you.” Jeno spoke. “I know I’m not going to get the chance to win you back, but I’m working on becoming better. I hope that one day, I can deserve at least your friendship back.”  
“Jeno…” Mark bit his lip, but Jeno interrupted him.   
“Oh, there’s something else!” He shuffled into the bag on his back and pulled out a decent sized shopping back, holding it out for Mark. “I got this for you.”  
“I shouldn’t accept it.” Mark said.   
“Please.”  
Mark sighed as he took the bag, looking into it. His eyes widened and he looked up at Jeno.  
The younger boy scratched the back of his neck nervously. “It wasn’t really an ugly sweater. I’m sorry I forced you to destroy it. I searched for a long time to find another just like it.”  
“Thank you.” Mark breathed out.   
Jeno smiled. “You should go to class now.”  
“Oh. Yeah.” Mark shook his head. He shoved his bag back onto his back and sorted his crutches, holding tight to the strings of the bag. “Good bye, Jeno.”  
Mark turned and began to shuffle away, his heart in his throat and his emotions a tangle.   
“Mark!” Jeno called as Mark neared the street. He turned back and looked at the younger boy, who was grinning at him widely. Mark’s heart stirred. “Can I come back and see you again?”  
“I don’t think that would be a good idea.” Mark responded.   
“Please?” Jeno’s smile didn’t fade on his face.   
Mark took a deep breath, knowing that he would regret this decision. “I’ve got a break between classes tomorrow at eleven. I usually have lunch at the big café in the quad.”  
Jeno smiled even wider, if that were possible. He bounced, waving happily. Mark smiled, his insides twisting uncomfortably. He felt the younger’s eyes on him until he disappeared through the huge oak doors.  
Only then did he let himself collapse, his body shaking. “What the fuck did I just do.” He whimpered to himself.   
He replayed the conversation with Jeno over and over again throughout his entire last class, trying to figure out why he’d agreed to talk to him, why he’d agreed to let him come back the next day. His heart ached. He recalled the conversation he’d had with Johnny. He knew he shouldn’t. It was wrong and it made no sense, but Mark missed him.   
Mark missed Jeno, he missed the way that things used to be. He missed it enough that he was willing to make this stupid mistake. Missed it enough that he let himself see the old Jeno, the kind, sweet boy that he’d fallen for, hidden inside the apology. It was just innocent, Mark told himself. It wasn’t like he was going to get back together with Jeno. He just wanted to talk to him. It was only closure that he sought.   
He had himself convinced of this as he stood outside the building, waiting for Johnny to pull up. The elder got out of the car and came around, taking the crutches from Mark as he sorted himself into the seat. Johnny unloaded them into the back and got back in the front. He’d stopped buckling Mark in, much to Mark’s dismay. He’d wanted Johnny to let him be more independent, but Johnny doing his buckle had secretly been one of the things that Mark really enjoyed.   
“How was your day?” Johnny asked, spinning back off towards work.   
“It was alright.” Mark said, looking out the window. “Most of my teachers gave me the notes from the classes I missed. And I spent lunch with some friends.” He thought about telling Johnny about Jeno’s appearance, but let it pass as soon as he’d finished the thought. There was no way that he could tell Johnny that he’d spoken to Jeno. That would be the last thing that he could tell him.   
“What in the bag?” Johnny asked, nodding towards the bag that Jeno had given him.   
Mark cursed to himself. He should have thought to put the bag in his backpack until later. “Oh. It’s a sweater.”  
“Oh?”  
Mark nodded. “I used to have one like it, but it got destroyed.” He lifted the sweater out of the bag. “I got a new one.”  
“It’s pretty.” Johnny responded, looking at it. “I bet it’ll look great on you.”  
Mark felt himself blushing and smiled gently. “Thanks.”  
Johnny reached over and ruffled Mark’s hair. “Of course, everything you wear looks good on you. I bet you’d make a trash bag look good if you wore one of those.”  
Mark glared. “Now you’re just being ridiculous.”  
“You’re attractive.” Johnny shrugged, nonchalantly. “Deal with it.”  
Mark pouted, arms crossed over his chest, and glared at Johnny in silence while the elder chuckled to himself the rest of the way to the shop.   
Mark left his bags in the car, but let Johnny hand him the crutches. He shuffled into the shop, calling a see you later to Johnny as the elder went back behind the coffee shop counter. Mark shuffled over to where Jaena was grinning at him from behind the counter.   
“How was class?” She asked.   
“Alright.” Mark smiled. “I missed it.”  
“Yuta gave me strict instructions to give you sit down work for the entire week.” Jaena stood up off the stool she’d been perched on and patted Mark towards it. “Apparently he says that Johnny threatened the safety of his new Gucci shades if Yuta were to let you over-exert yourself at work.”  
Mark rolled his eyes. “He’s overprotective.”  
“I can see why, though.” Jaena responded. “How have things been? You haven’t seen your ex anymore?”  
Mark paused, his heart thumping as he found himself shaking his head. “No. I haven’t.”


	26. 26 - Some people in my life are too petty and I'm so over it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DoYoung is a horrible person
> 
> YangYang is too precious for his own good
> 
> Johnny is just stupid

Mark sat in the booth at the café, sipping is cappuccino that didn’t taste quite as good as the ones Johnny made him. He glanced around the room every now and then as if he were waiting for someone, his foot bounced beneath the table nervously. The sinking in his stomach made him feel like a cheating lover, nervous for the arrival of his mistress. He felt wrong, like he shouldn’t be sitting there.   
Then Jeno showed up and sat an origami rose on the table in front of Mark with a shy smile and his heart did a little flip.   
“You remember these?” Mark asked, motioning for Jeno to take a seat.   
“Of course, I do.” Jeno responded. “I mailed you a box of them for our first Valentine’s together.”  
“But they didn’t arrive until halfway through March.” Mark chuckled lightly at the memory. Things had been so much easier back then, so much simpler.  
“How’s your foot?” Jeno asked, eyeing the crutches.   
“It’s still a little tender, but I can put my weight on it if I have to.” Mark sipped his drink. “Aren’t you going to order something?”  
Jeno shook his head. “My doctor told me not to drink anything with caffeine in it. It’ll mess with the medicine they put me on.”  
“Medicine?” Mark asked, unbidden worry filling him.   
Jeno shrugged. “Mood stabilizers. It helps control the depression and the paranoia. I’m not angry all the time.”  
“That’s good.” Mark bit his lip, eyeing Jeno. The boy that sat before him confused Mark in ways he couldn’t comprehend.  
Mark looked at Jeno, and suddenly he was seventeen again, smiling stupidly at the Skype chat when he saw the boy for the first time, laughing too much, not talking enough, awkward and innocent. Then he blinked, and there was the furious man with his hands wrapped tight around Mark’s throat and suddenly he couldn’t breathe. He closed his eyes to fight the tears and opened them once more to the smiling, kind face of the boy he’d once loved.   
“I’m glad that you’re seeing doctors.” Mark stumbled out the words.   
Jeno nodded. “I’m sorry that you had to be the breaking point that made me realize I needed to.”  
Mark’s smile tilted down and he sipped his coffee again. “I don’t want to think about that.”  
“Me either.” Jeno sighed wistfully. “But not a day has gone by that I don’t remind myself of what I’d become. So that I can learn from my mistakes. So that I can be better.”  
“How’s that going?” Mark asked.   
Jeno glanced at him and then gave a shrug. “The medicine helps a lot. And talking to someone about how I’m feeling. The hardest part has been getting sober. I go to meetings now.”  
Mark smiled as Jeno chuckled at the slight joking tone in his voice.   
“I’m glad you’re getting better.” Mark repeated the sentiment.  
“Enough about that.” Jeno waved it away, leaning forward in his seat. “I see you’re wearing the sweater.”  
Mark glanced down at the turtleneck he’d worn. The one that Jeno had gifted him with the day before. “Thank you. It means a lot that you would do something like that.”  
“It was my fault you lost it.” Jeno responded. “It was my responsibility to fix that. I want to make up for everything that I put you through.”  
Mark glanced at Jeno, unsure. “So you replaced my sweater?”  
“And got you paper flowers.” Jeno smiled softly. “And I was hoping you’d let me buy you a cookie as well. You… you still look so thin.”  
“I’ve been eating well.” Mark responded. “I’ve gained some weight.”  
“You don’t look like a skeleton anymore.” Jeno agreed, dropping his eyes to his hands. “That was my fault, too. I’m sorry, again.”  
Mark fought the desire to reach over and ruffle the younger’s hair, the memory of fingers digging into his waist and blood between his legs helped him win that fight. Jeno was being kind now, Mark told himself, but he’d also done horrible things to Mark. He couldn’t trust him, even if his heart wanted to.   
“I heard there’s a singing event at your work tomorrow?” Jeno changed the subject.   
Mark looked up at him with wide eyes. “How?”  
Jeno shrugged. “I saw a flier for it. Don’t worry, I’m not going to show up.”  
“That’s not…” Mark started, but Jeno continued to speak with a smile on his face.   
“You should sing.” Jeno told him. “You have such a good voice, I bet everyone would love to hear it.”  
Mark found himself blushing. “I doubt I will. I’ve been stuck on sitting work the entire week. Jaena would have a fit if I tried to get on stage.”  
“Jaena?” Jeno frowned, brows furrowed together then rising as he seemed to remember. “She’s the girl who threw me into the sign that night.”  
Mark scratched the back of his head. “Yeah, she… She’s a bit over-protective.”  
“Good.” Jeno nodded. “You need someone like that.”  
Mark thought of Johnny when Jeno said that, remembering their conversation before. Johnny had been so understanding when Mark had asked for his independence. He’d seen how hard it was for Johnny to keep still and let Mark do things for himself, and he was grateful for his overprotective friend.   
“I’ve made some really good friends.” Mark nodded.  
“I’d like to hear about them.” Jeno spoke quietly. “If you’re up to telling me?”  
Mark found himself smiling at that, flattered that Jeno would ask. Surprised that he could ask about Mark’s friends with a smile on his face instead of furious tears and an accusation of cheating or leaving.   
“Well, I’m really closest with Ten, Johnny, and Jaena.” Mark started. “But there’s also Taeyong and Doyoung…”  
Jeno held on Mark’s every word as he talked animatedly about his friends, their personalities, how much fun he had working with them daily. They hadn’t sat and talked like that since before Mark had moved to Seoul. Mark’s apprehension and fear dissolved as Jeno continued to listen, to ask him questions, to smile so kindly and genuinely with each story Mark told him.   
“Oh.” Mark frowned as his eyes caught the clock hanging above the door. “Shit, My class starts in ten minutes.”  
“You should go.” Jeno stood up.   
Mark started to stand as well, twisting for his crutches. He spun too far, and started to topple over, but a pair of strong arms reached out and caught him. At first, Mark flinched, but he nearly fell the other way and grabbed tightly onto Jeno’s arm to steady his balance.   
Jeno grabbed the crutches for Mark and helped him right himself. Mark looked away with an embarrassed blush on his face.   
“Sorry.” He muttered.   
Jeno shrugged and smiled despite the pain that Mark saw behind his eyes. “It’s fine. It’s to be expected, after everything.”  
“Still.” Mark sighed, looking down.   
“You’re going to be late.” Jeno reached up, placing a gentle hand on Mark’s shoulder. This time, he didn’t flinch. “Go.”  
Mark nodded and started out of the café, but once again Jeno stopped him by calling his name. Mark turned back and the boy was smiling.   
“I guess I’ll buy you that cookie next time, then?”   
Mark bit his lip. “That probably isn’t the best idea.”  
Jeno chuckled and smiled. “Please?”  
Mark’s body trembled and he found himself speaking. “Same time next week, then.”  
“It’s a date.” Jeno beamed.   
“It’s not.” Mark responded, then turned and walked out of the store before he could do anything else stupid. 

“Hyung!” Mark’s familiar voice startled Johnny. He nearly dropped the bag of coffee beans he’d been trying to shove up on a shelf, steadied it, then climbed off his ladder and turned around to see Mark bouncing at the counter on his crutches. Johnny checked his watch.   
“How did you get here?” Johnny asked. “I thought your class didn’t end for another half hour.”  
“We got out early because the teacher’s daughter went into labor, so he went to the hospital.” Mark grinned.   
“But how did you get here?” Johnny tilted his head to the side. “Did you take the bus?”  
He knew that he sounded worried, because he was. Mark was on crutches and he was small and cute. He was an easy target in such a big, dangerous city. It was only right that he would worry.   
“No.” Mark turned around and Johnny followed his eyes.   
YangYang stood in the bookshop, talking animatedly with Jaena. “YangYang?”  
Mark nodded. “He’s helping out one of the art teachers on campus. We ran into each other yesterday. He was just finishing up and offered to give me a ride.”  
“That’s nice.” Johnny grinned, relieved that Mark had been with someone he could trust.   
YangYang turned towards them and gave him a bright smile and a wave. He watched him bid goodbye to Jaena before making his way over to the counter.   
“Sup, Yang.” Johnny grinned.   
“Johnny.” YangYang smiled. “Good to see you again. And Jaena. I haven’t seen her in such a long time as well.”  
“Well, you knew where we worked.” Johnny narrowed his eyes. “It’s your own fault you never come by.”  
YangYang just chuckled and scratched awkwardly at the back of his neck. “Yeah. I just… I thought it might be a little weird, is all.”  
“Weird?” Mark spoke up, having been looking back and forth between the two as they spoke.   
YangYang only grinned and Johnny’s stomach sank. Did Mark really have to find this out as well? It wouldn’t be too much longer and Mark would know everything about Johnny. Johnny dreaded that day, the day that he would have to say goodbye to Mark forever, like everyone else in his life who’d ever meant anything.   
“Well, of course.” YangYang responded. “With Jaena and Johnny.”  
“Jaena and Johnny?” Mark was looking at him with wide eyes and he wouldn’t make eye contact.   
“Well, I’m the reason they broke up.” YangYang admitted with a nervous grin, speaking in English now.   
“Wait.” Mark’s saucer eyes looked between the two of them in disbelief. “You and Jaena…. dated?”  
“It’s not something that we really talk about.” Johnny muttered.   
“You didn’t know?” YangYang pouted towards Mark. “I told you Johnny dated a transgender person before.”  
“But I didn’t think it was Jaena!” Mark squeaked, covering his mouth as his voice rose and looking around to make sure no one else had heard him.   
Johnny shrugged. “It’s not a big deal. It was a really long time ago. Can we drop it?”  
“Sorry…” Mark pouted. Johnny shot YangYang a glare for even bringing it up. At some point, he would have to explain the details of the situation to Mark, but it wasn’t something he wanted to discuss in the middle of work.   
He reached over the counter and ruffled Mark’s hair, delighting in the gentle smile that formed on the boy’s face. “I’ll make you a coffee, huh?”  
“Thank you!” Mark grinned broadly.   
Johnny turned to YangYang. “What do you want?”  
The German rambled off an order and continued to stand there with Mark while Johnny made both of their drinks. The three continued to talk until Mark had to disappear for work. YangYang continued to lean against the counter, sip his drink, and catch up with Johnny.   
At one point, he turned to look at Mark, sitting behind the counter at the bookstore.  
“You know, he’s really cute.” YangYang pointed out.   
Johnny felt the heat in his cheeks. “You’re not wrong.”  
YangYang smiled. “He’s also very kind.”  
“What’s your point?”  
“When are you going to ask him out?” YangYang leaned over the counter and whispered.   
“I’m not.” Johnny shot him a glare. “If you must know, I’ve got a girlfriend already.”  
“But I bet you don’t look at her like you look at him.”  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Johnny frowned.   
YangYang just sighed, his grin turning more serious. “All I’m saying is that it’s kind of obvious you like him. You need to tell him before someone else sweeps him off his feet.”  
“And all I’m saying is that it’s not like that.” Johnny lied. Of course, he was hopelessly in love with Mark, but it wouldn’t last. Mark wouldn’t last.   
YangYang waved him off, sipping his drink. Johnny knew he didn’t believe him, but he wasn’t going to force the subject. He’d love to avoid talking about it as often as possible, really. So he was glad for the distraction when Doyoung barreled up from the back of the book shop and dropped himself down across the table as if he didn’t even see YangYang standing there.   
“Johnny, I will literally suck your dick for a mint chocolate frappe.” Doyoung whined.   
Johnny rolled his eyes, used to Doyoung’s behavior. “I think a please would suffice.”  
“Pleeeassseeeee.” Doyoung whined out.   
YangYang chuckled from beside him, eyes wide at the other man’s words. Doyoung’s eyes widened as he realized the young man had been standing there the entire time.   
“Oh.” Doyoung pulled himself up and straightened his shirt out, pink on his cheeks. “S…sorry about that. I didn’t realize someone else was here.”  
“It’s…alright.” Johnny didn’t miss the way YangYang flushed as he eyed Doyoung.   
“Do.” Johnny snapped. “He’s off-limits.”  
Doyoung shot a glare towards Johnny and pouted, arms crossed over his chest. “That’s not fair, Johnny! You already claimed Mark, why do you have to take all the cute ones?!”  
Johnny rolled his eyes. “Because the cute ones are much too young and much too innocent for me to allow you to corrupt.”  
“Who says I’d corrupt them.” Doyoung muttered, pouting rather cutely.   
Johnny just rolled his eyes and thrust the coffee in the other man’s direction. “Go back to work.”  
YangYang watched Doyoung’s retreating form before he looked back at Johnny. “He works here?”  
“Yes.” Johnny hesitated.   
YangYang smiled, taking a sip of his own coffee. “You know, I think I might come to that event you guys are having tomorrow, after all.”


	27. 27 - I wrote a nasty spin off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote a really nasty spin off of this story about Yuta and Taeyong that takes place just after this chapter. I'm going to post it in a moment, so check out my stories and go read it....if you're brave enough!

Mark arrived at the shop with Johnny hours before it actually opened on Thursday morning. He sat behind the counter of the café with a cookie and a coffee that Johnny had made him, watching the preparations. Yuta had arrived, as well as his parents. Even Johnny’s mother had arrived.  
Mark had met Mrs. Suh only one other time before, but he liked her very much. She was a kind woman, and very much where Johnny had gotten his good looks from. The moment she’d seen him sitting there with his foot bandaged, she’d pulled him into a hug and cooed over him. She’d even hit Johnny in the back of the head for not informing her that her ‘second son’ had been injured.   
Yuta’s mother had done the same thing, asking him tons of questions about how he was doing, and apologizing for what he’d been through, and having not done more to help. It was embarrassing, but Mark wouldn’t admit that he loved the motherly attention that the two women bestowed on him. It made him miss the way his own mother had used to care for him.   
Mark watched everyone getting everything ready, moving the tables, setting up the sound system, bringing in the extra supplies for the coffee shop. He’d never felt more useless as he watched Johnny drop a heavy box next to one of the tables and stand up to wipe the sweat from his forehead. Johnny stopped to smile at Mark and his stomach flipped. He returned the smile before looking back down at his hands.   
He was more at ease after the store had finally opened and he took his position on his stool behind the cash register. Every employee was there, even though Yuta and Johnny’s parents had gone after overseeing the set up.   
The singer than had come to sign his books was younger than Mark would have thought. And he was ridiculously attractive, and very kind. He’d come over to the register twice to offer Mark some water. His name was Kim JongWoon. Mark really liked him. He was thirty-five, but he barely looked out of his twenties.   
He had spent a good amount of time ignoring his manager to lean against the counter and ask Mark all sorts of questions. He’d found out that Mark was going to university and he seemed very interested in Mark’s studies.   
. Mark was a little disappointed when he actually had to leave and go start signing books. Which was a hectic event to begin with, because the moment the doors were unlocked, the store was flooded with both women and men vying for a chance to meet the singer. Lucas was perched next to Mark at the cash register with lines winding around the entire store of people waiting to purchase a copy of the book for the celebrity to sign.   
Mark had very little down time to breathe as he worked, but he’d been able to take a few glances towards the coffee shop. Once, Johnny looked up to meet his eyes and grin at him. Mark returned the smile and went back to work. Another, Mark felt eyes on him and looked up to see JongWoon smiling at him. He returned the smile and went back to work.   
His first break didn’t come until the signing was officially over. Most of the crowd had dispersed after getting their signed copy and a photo with the singer, but a good number of people had all crowded into the extra seating in the coffee shop to wait for the open mic event to begin.   
Mark had sorted himself onto a seat in the break room with the meal that Johnny had packed him when Yuta came in with JongWoon in tow.   
“Oh, Mark.” Yuta smiled. “Here you are. Do you mind keeping Kim JongWoon-shi company?”  
“Of course not.” Mark smiled. He was eager to get a chance to talk to the singer again.   
The older man smiled and dropped down into the chair opposite Mark. Yuta politely bid him to have a good lunch, and then disappeared back out to take care of the shop.   
“Is it always like that?” Mark found himself asking, watching the singer unwrap his meal and being to eat. He’d had something fancy delivered from a nearby restaurant.   
“Like what?” The man asked with a gentle smile.   
“All of those people…” Mark waved a hand towards the front of the store and JongWoon gave a chuckle. For someone so famous and attractive, Mark realized he was actually quite soft-spoken.   
“I’ve gotten used to it.” He spoke with a shrug. “Although, these days it’s not as much as it used to be. When I first got popular, I couldn’t have done an event like this. There wouldn’t have been enough room for the screaming girls.”  
“You were very popular, then?” Mark asked, a blush painted his cheeks. “Sorry, I’m not originally from Korea, so I don’t really know your music.”  
“Is that so?” The man’s expression perked up.   
Mark nodded. “Canadian.”  
“Ah.” He nodded. “I’ve been once or twice on tour, but you would have probably been very young, then.”  
Mark smiled bashfully. They continued to chat easily as they finished their meals. They covered many topics. What Canada was like, what it was like to be a singer and write music, how Mark’s injuries were healing, what had inspired JongWoon to write a book when he was on the cusp of retiring from the performance industry, what made Mark pick medical school, why JongWoon wanted to retire in the first place.   
“Ah.” The older man chuckled shyly, looking away. “I don’t want to leave entertainment entirely. I just think it’s about time to hang up my hat where touring is concerned. I’m getting old.”  
“You’re not that old.” Mark pursed his lips and pouted. “You hardly look older than me.”  
“Ah.” He chuckled. “But I definitely feel it. My voice isn’t what it used to be, and choreography seems to get harder and harder every year. I think it’s about time I thought about settling down.”  
“A family?” Mark asked.   
JongWoon shrugged. “Something like that. Gotta find a husband first, though.”  
“Husband?” Mark squeaked.   
The older man’s eyes widened and he slapped a hand over his mouth. “Oh gosh, sorry. I shouldn’t have revealed that.”  
“It’s alright.” Mark muttered, not wanting to make the older man feel uncomfortable. “It’s taking me some getting used to with people being open about…sexuality.”  
“Oh.” JongWoon smiled bashfully. “Are you…?”  
Mark stared down at his hands. “I like men, yeah.”  
Jongwoon smiled.   
It wasn’t long before Johnny appeared at the door, smiling carefully at Mark. He turned to the singer and gave a polite bow. “Kim JongWoon-shi. It’s time to start the surprise performance.”  
“Surprise performance?” Mark perked up and JongWoon grinned at him.  
“It seems you’ll get to hear my songs after all.”  
Mark grinned. JongWoon stood from his seat and reached out a hand to Mark. Mark found himself blushing as the older singer helped him to stand and handed him his crutches. Johnny watched silently from the doorway, waiting. He let JongWoon out first, then dropped a hand on the small of Mark’s back as he followed behind as well.  
He hobbled to the front of the store, surprised at the uproar of applause as JongWoon stepped up onto the stage. Johnny guided Mark to the side of the crowd, to the counter where several of the other employees sat, along with the familiar face of Johnny’s girlfriend.   
Mark frowned as he took the seat Johnny offered. HaNa pulled Johnny to her, wrapping her arms around his middle and leaning her head against his shoulder. Mark tried not to look, tried not to be jealous. Instead, he focused on JongWoon on the stage. The older man found his eyes in the crowd as the song started and gave him a little wink.   
Mark had never heard the song before, but he found himself swaying to the tune. JongWoon had an amazing voice, and Mark could see why he was famous. He happily focused on the songs and cheered along just as loudly as everyone else.   
When JongWoon came off the stage, there was a small rush of people trying to speak to him. Mark watched as he smoothly handled the crowd, enthralled by the charisma the elder man held. Yuta jumped up on the stage and said some things while Mark watched the singer make his way over.   
“Mark.” JongWoon draped an arm over the back of his chair. “Did you like it?”  
Mark nodded. “You sang really well, JongWoon!”  
The elder chuckled, ignoring Mark’s lack of honorifics. Taeyong gasped at him and Mark heard HaNa turned around in her seat to look at them.   
“Well that means a lot, coming from you.” JongWoon winked at him again, ruffling his hair.   
Mark laughed, swatting at the elder’s hand. The singer’s manager called his name and he turned to look at her.   
“Ah.” He turned to Mark with a grin. “I’ve got to go. There’s another schedule after this one.”  
“Oh.” Mark pouted, hoping to get a chance to talk more to the elder.   
“But I’ve got something for you.” JongWoon pulled a book from his bag and handed it to Mark.   
Mark took it and hugged it to his chest. “Thank you!”  
JongWoon winked at him once more with a goodbye before disappearing out of the crowd. Mark grinned as he watched him go. The door had hardly shut behind the celebrity before Haechan was bouncing at Mark’s side behind the counter.  
“Mark.” He gaped. “Mark did you know JongWoon-shi?”  
“What?” Mark turned to him and shook his head. “I just met him today. He’s very nice.”  
“Ah.” Haechan pouted. “You seemed so familiar with him all day. I thought maybe you somehow knew each other.”  
Mark shook his head, turning back to focus on the stage. A few aspiring singers had come to perform, jumping at the chance to perform after JongWoon, while the crowd was still thick. As the evening wore on, the crowd thinned. Mark could no longer focus his mind on the stage as the singers dwindled. Instead, he was left to focus on the couple standing in front of him.   
Johnny had turned, making the effort to include Mark and the others in their conversation. Still, Mark found it hard to focus on what they were talking about when he kept focusing on HaNa’s fingers tucked in the belt-loops of Johnny’s pants. Or Johnny’s hand sliding up beneath her shirt, drawing circles on her side.   
He tried hard not to look, until Johnny called his name. The older man had scooped him up without his crutches and he was on the stage before he could even ask Johnny what was going on.   
Johnny just grinned and sat him on a stool with a microphone. Mark glared at him because without his crutches, he couldn’t even run away. Yuta put a microphone in his hand with an apologetic smile.   
Mark watched as Johnny took a spot next to him with a guitar in his lap and when the song started to play, Mark recognized it right away.   
“If you ever find yourself stuck in the middle of the sea.” Johnny grinned dumbly at Mark as he sang. “I’ll said the world to find you.”  
Mark took a shaky breath, trying to focus on Johnny. He had stage fright, and all he could think about was the small crowd of people watching. But he tried to remember that day in the car, pretend he was there.   
He held the microphone up and started to sing, “If you ever find yourself lost in the dark and you can’t see. I’ll be the light to guide you.”  
Johnny smiled at him encouragingly and joined in on the duet. “Find out what we’re made of. When we are called to help our friends in need.”  
“Count on me like one two three I’ll be there. And I know when I need it I can count on you like four three two. And you’ll be there. Cause that’s what friends are supposed to do oh yeah.”  
“You can count on me, cause I can count on you.” Mark and Johnny finished singing the song, grinning widely at each other, to the applause of the small crowd.   
Johnny put the guitar to the side and scooped Mark back up in his arms.   
“I hate you.” Mark hissed, but there was no heat in his words.   
Johnny chuckled, carrying Mark back to his seat. “Sorry. I couldn’t guarantee you would actually sing with me, so I kidnapped you.”  
“I still hate you.” Mark glared, sorting himself on his seat and picking his book back up.   
Johnny ruffled his hair. “No, you don’t.”  
Mark just glared, refusing to look at him. Instead of responding to him, Johnny spun back around and hopped back up on the stage. This time, he didn’t pick up the guitar, but the music began to play trough the speakers.   
Mark glanced up, recognizing this one as well. The same singer, the same album as the duet they had just sung. Johnny glanced in his friend’s direction and Mark smiled. Hana waved from in front of him. Johnny winked and then started to sing.   
Oh, how Mark wished those words were for him. How he longed to hear them come from the older boy, directed at him and not the woman standing in front of him.   
“When I see your face, there’s not a thing that I would change. Cause you’re amazing, just the way you are. And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while. Cause you, you’re amazing, just the way you are.” Johnny’s soft voice finished the song and the room erupted in cheers.   
HaNa jumped up and ran to her boyfriend, jumping into his arms and planting a kiss on his lips. Mark looked away, unable to stand watching it. He was jealous and it burned his insides. He couldn’t watch any longer.   
“I’m going to the restroom.” He muttered, leaving his book with Haechan.   
He rushed for his crutches and made his way out of the crowd and into the back room. He sighed when he leaned against the sink, splashing water on his face. This wasn’t good, he told himself. He couldn’t keep acting like that.   
“Mark?” He looked up to find DoYoung leaning in the bathroom doorway. “You okay?”  
“Yeah.” Mark smiled at the older man, but he knew it didn’t reach his eyes.   
DoYoung smiled, uncharacteristically somber. “Do you want to talk about it?”  
“Not really.” Mark sighed.   
“Is it… Johnny related?” DoYoung stepped into the room and letting the door swing shut behind him.   
Mark looked away.   
“You know.” DoYoung mumbled. “I’m actually a really good listener. And I’m good at keeping secrets.”  
Mark sighed. “I just… I’m feeling guilty.”  
“Guilty?” The elder looked curiously at Mark.   
Mark nodded. He wasn’t going to lie to his friend, but he wasn’t exactly being truthful either. I keep watching Johnny Hyung and his girlfriend and I know that he hasn’t been able to spend time with her like this because of me.”  
DoYoung hummed, listening as Mark continued to speak.   
“I’m really thankful to Hyung. He’s done so much for me since I got injured. And he’s been so kind to let me stay with him for this long, but I feel so burdensome. He’s so busy making sure that I’m alright that he hasn’t been able to spend time with his girlfriend. And I know it’s because he’s too kind to leave me home alone, and he doesn’t want to make me uncomfortable by inviting her over.”  
“Why would that make you uncomfortable?” DoYoung asked.   
Because I’m in love with him and I hate her. “Because…I… I’ve been using his bed. And if he invited her over, I’d have to sleep on the couch.”  
“Ah. So right now, he’s sleeping on the couch?”  
Mark felt his face flush. “Um…not really.”  
DoYoung’s brows rose in interest at Mark’s response, but he didn’t comment on it. Instead, he looked thoughtfully up at the ceiling before he spoke again. “So, you’re feeling guilty because you feel like your presence at Johnny’s apartment is causing a strain on his relationship?”  
Mark nodded. “Basically.”  
“Then what are you going to do about it?” He looked at Mark from the corner of his eye.   
“I go to the doctor tomorrow and I get this bandage off.” Mark muttered. “After that, I’m going to start looking for somewhere else to live. I don’t make much only working part time, but I’m sure I could find some place with a roommate that I could afford.”  
“You’ll look for a roommate?” DoYoung asked with a thoughtful grin on his face.  
“Yeah, Why?” Mark asked.   
DoYoung shrugged. “Because I think we might both be able to help each other.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“Well, it seems that you’re in need of a cheap room to rent.” DoYoung clapped his hands together. “And I happen to have a room that I’ve been trying to rent for cheap.”  
“Trying?” Mark quirked an eyebrow.  
DoYoung laughed awkwardly. “Yeah, well, it seems that it’s a bit difficult for someone of my… personality… to keep a roommate.”  
“You mean they get creeped out cause you hit on them and they move out because you won’t stop?”  
“But it won’t be like that if it’s you.” DoYoung pouted.  
“It won’t?” Mark didn’t exactly believe the older man, but something in the way that his shoulders slumped and his usually playful expression turned serious made him consider DoYoung seriously.   
“Even if Johnny wouldn’t have told me when we first met that you were off-limits, I wouldn’t have kept hitting on you like I did after I got to know you.” He spoke softly, a sadness in his voice. Mark wanted to say something, but he didn’t know exactly what to say. DoYoung continued. “You’re exceptionally kind, Mark. That’s a rare breed these days. You’re a good person, and you deserve to be treated the kind of special that you are. You deserve more than just… being somebody’s flavor of the week, and that’s the only thing I have to offer.”  
DoYoung reached out and took Mark’s hand, giving it a squeeze. “Give it some thought, okay? You can even come take a look at the place before you decide. But I promise, I won’t hit on you.”  
Mark gave a silent nod and followed DoYoung out of the restroom. He was giving the man’s offer some serious consideration, going through all the pros and cons of living with DoYoung. He didn’t notice Johnny coming up to stand in front of him until he nearly hit the older man with his crutches.   
“Mark.” Johnny had a worried smile on his face. “There you are. I’ve been looking all over.”  
“Sorry, Hyung.” Mark chuckled nervously. “I just went to the restroom.”  
“Oh, okay.” Johnny ran a hand through his hair and looked behind him at where his girlfriend stood talking to a stone-faced Jaena and a bubbly YangYang. “Listen, I really hope you don’t mind, but I got Yuta and Taeyong to agree to give you a lift home. I promised HaNa I’d spend some more time with her.”  
“That’s fine.” Mark smiled despite the stabbing pain in his heart.   
Johnny gave him a grin and held something out to him, a key. “Here. This is your copy to keep. I’ll be home late. Will you be alright by yourself? You can make Tae and Yuta stay for a while if you want.”  
“I’ll be fine by myself, Hyung.” Mark forced a smile. “Go have fun with your girlfriend.”  
Johnny reached out and ruffled Mark’s hair. “You’ve no idea…”  
Before Mark could even ask what that meant, Johnny had disappeared out the door with HaNa.   
Yuta refused to leave Mark in the parking lot and insisted he walk him all the way to the front door of the apartment. Mark waved him a tired goodbye and unlocked the apartment with his key. It was dark and silent inside.  
Mark turned on the lights and he had no idea how it had never occurred to him before just how cold this house looked. Everything was marble and leather, sleek black lines, with a rare few pops of color. It had obviously been cleaned while they had been away – Mark had only met Johnny’s housekeeper a handful of times, but she did a very good job.   
He sat his things on the couch, had a nice, long bath, and wrapped himself up in some fluffy pajamas on the couch with an anime on the television and a bowl of cereal in his lap. He finished the cereal and watched two entire episodes, but Johnny still hadn’t returned home.   
Mark picked up the book he’d been given and smiled at the memory of the kind elder. The singer’s picture smiled back at him from the front cover, and Mark let the book fall open. There, on the first page, was a message written in black marker. A short greeting, a signature, and a string of digits. A phone number?


	28. 28 - Did you find the nasty spin off? XD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Johnny really doesn't know what he's doing.
> 
> Mark really knows it shouldn't be this.
> 
> They're both gonna do it anyway

The room spun as the tight heat enveloped Johnny. His fingers dug tight into the waist before him. His ears barely registered the moans from the girl beneath him, distant as if his head was beneath water. He felt like he was drowning, his body on fire, trembling as he pounded into the girl beneath him.   
He couldn’t remember how he’d ended up here, but at the moment he didn’t really care. His veins burned and his mind swam and the empty bottle of vodka rolled off the bed as his girlfriend screamed for more beneath him. He looked at her, tried to focus on her.   
He tried to focus on the way her dark hair fell off her small shoulders. The way her face twisted in pleasure as she pressed it into the pillow in front of her. The way her body rocked back into him with every thrust. The way her ass bounced as his cock slid in and out of it.   
His mind just didn’t want to focus. It didn’t want to look at the woman in front of him. He shut his eyes, trying to focus on the pleasure, only to be marred by a flash of blonde curls in his mind. Mark. The boy always seemed to be on Johnny’s mind, even now, in situations like this.   
He wondered, as he thrust into his girlfriend, would it be like this with Mark? Would it be just as warm? Just as tight? What would it be like to look down and see not the soft curves of the woman, but the hard lines and defined muscles of a man? Of not any man, but of Mark. And suddenly, Johnny was no longer in the mood.   
He pulled out of the girl and dropped back down onto the bed, breathing hard. She whined at the loss of contact, but twisted around to look at him.   
“Done already?” She asked.  
Johnny nodded, humming wordlessly. She scoffed, making herself comfortable on her bed. She grabbed a pack of cigarettes from her nightstand and lit one up. Johnny, trying to force the world to stop moving while he laid still, peeked one eye up at her.   
“You know those things are bad for you.” He grunted.   
She scoffed again. “The things you do, and you’re nagging me about a cigarette?”  
Johnny chuckled and shrugged his shoulders. He was still hard, but it was quickly flagging. His breathing slowed, evening out. His mind, still filled with immoral thoughts of the boy that he’d left home alone.   
HaNa pulled out her phone, typing out messages while taking long drags off the cigarette. The two stayed in silence for a long time, until the woman finally spoke.   
“Let’s break up.” Johnny didn’t register the words at first. When he did, his eyes opened and he looked at her.   
“Why?” He asked.   
She didn’t look back at him, just continued to text on her phone. “I’ve gotten bored with this.”  
“Oh.” What else was there to say? Johnny didn’t know if his lack of response was due to the fact that he really didn’t have feelings for the girl or if his emotions were just muted from the amount of stuff in his system.   
Hana huffed, putting out the last of the cigarette. She stood up, grabbing her shirt off the floor. “I’m having a shower. My friends will be here in an hour. We’re going to the club.”  
“I’ll leave after I’ve sobered up at bit.” Johnny hummed, closing his eyes once more.   
His mind threatened to let him fall asleep, but how could he sleep when he was plagued by thoughts of Mark. The way his cute face reddened when he thought Johnny was about to kiss him. The soft moans he let out when Johnny kissed the back of his neck. He wondered, what would have happened that morning had he not stopped. Would he be laying in the bed of his newly ex girlfriend, listening to the sounds of her shower while another man was on his mind? Or would he be where his heart knew he belonged, laying in bed beside the blonde boy?  
Johnny pulled himself up off the bed, dressed, and left before HaNa had even finished her shower. All he could think about was getting back home to Johnny. 

Mark didn’t want to admit that he felt like it was two in the morning, when it was barely ten. He’d only been without Johnny for a few hours, but it felt like so much longer than that. And Mark hated it. He hated that he’d become so dependent on the other man’s presence. He hated that he missed him so much. He hated the burning in his chest when he wondered what Johnny was doing at the moment.   
He’d bathed and decided to take an early night. Sleeping would be much better than staying up all night wondering if Johnny was going to come home. It wasn’t his boyfriend, he reminded himself. He shouldn’t be this upset. It was, though, the first time that Johnny had left him on his own. He’d asked for more independence. He’d asked for this. So, why did his heart hurt so much?  
Sleep didn’t come easy, but he’d found it. He didn’t stir when the door opened, nor at the sound of the shower in the back room. Nor did he awaken when the bed dipped beside him and a warm body curled up beside him. He just hummed softly and nuzzled into the warmth. He only stirred from his sleep when he felt the press of warm lips against his neck.   
His eyes fluttered open to find a pair of strong arms wrapped around him and warm breath against his neck. He knew it was Johnny without having to turn and look, humming out a contented sigh when Johnny pressed another kiss against his neck.   
Then, his senses came back to him and he gasped, twisting in the bed to look at Johnny. The older man was smiling softly at him, illuminated by the moonlight coming through the windows. He reached up and brushed some hair out of Mark’s face.   
“Johnny?” Mark whispered into the dark.   
“Hmm?” Johnny hummed.   
“What are you doing?”  
“Kissing you.” Johnny whispered out, and before Mark could respond, he felt Johnny’s lips pressed against his own.   
His eyes widened in surprise, not moving at first. He could taste the bitter burn of alcohol on Johnny’s breath. He melted into the kiss for a moment, ignoring his senses. He let Johnny kiss him, press their bodies together, tasting the older man like he’d only ever done in his dreams.   
He felt warm fingers on his hips and he came back to his senses, pushing away from Johnny. The older man just grinned down at him as Mark looked up in confusion.   
“Hyung, you’re drunk.” He whispered.   
“Something like that.” He shrugged.   
“You shouldn’t be doing this.” Mark bit his lip, watching as Johnny’s hand trailed from his waist, up under Mark’s shirt, fingers burning a path over the younger man’s stomach. It took everything in him not to arch into the touch.   
“Why not?” Johnny whispered into Mark’s ear, pressing a kiss to the sensitive skin just beneath it. “Doesn’t it feel good?”  
Mark whimpered, words failing him, as Johnny continued to tease him. The older man kissed his neck, nibbled and bit, as his hands trailed everywhere on Mark’s body. It did feel good, but Mark couldn’t let this happen. Johnny was drunk. He didn’t know what he was doing. He would regret this in the morning. If Mark let this happen, he would be taking advantage of the drunken elder.   
But Johnny pressed their lips together once more and Mark’s resolve was gone. If Johnny wanted this now, it would be the only time. Drunk or not, Mark was selfish. He wanted this. This would be his only chance. It was now or never, Mark told himself. And that’s why, when they broke apart again, Mark let Johnny grab his shirt and pull it up over his head.   
Johnny stared down at him, eyes glazed, and stupid smile planted on his face. Suddenly, Mark felt exposed, nervous. He knew there were still healing bruises on his body.   
“Don’t hide.” Johnny whispered. He gently took Mark’s hands and, lacing their fingers together, pulled them away from his body. “You’re so beautiful.”  
“J..Johnny.” Mark whimpered.   
Johnny hummed, pressing their lips together again. “I like the way you say my name.”  
Mark bit his lip, looking into Johnny’s eyes. Johnny always complimented Mark, but this was different. Mark had to remind himself that this was drunk Johnny. This Johnny didn’t know what he was doing. This Johnny, Mark was taking advantage of.   
“Johnny.” Mark spoke the man’s name again and Johnny’s expression changed.   
He pressed their lips together again in a feverous kiss, hot and wet and unlike any kiss that Mark had experienced before. Johnny moved from his lips, kissing down Mark’s body, teasing him, tasting him. And this was also a new feeling to Mark. Jeno had never touched Mark like this, it was always the other way around.  
He bit his lip when Johnny moved down to his waistband. He was already hard, and suddenly Mark was worried. Johnny wasn’t gay, he’d never been with a man, would he stop when he drunkenly realized that Mark wasn’t a woman?  
Mark gasped out at Johnny’s gentle touch, his palm against Mark’s clothed erection. He arched into the touch, moaning out softly.   
“Such beautiful sounds.” Johnny hummed.   
“J..Johhny.” Mark moaned out. “We… We shouldn’t… You’re drunk.”  
“So?” Johnny chuckled darkly, fingers dipping into Mark’s waistband. “Don’t you want this?”  
Mark bit his lip as Johnny pulled down his pants, his erection bouncing up freely in the cool night air. The older man’s warm hand wrapped around him and he gasped out, toes curling with pleasure as Johnny began to stroke him slowly, teasingly. Johnny’s fingers were rough against his sensitive skin, but that only made the feeling even more intense.   
Mark’s eyes closed tightly as he focused on the feeling, biting his lip to keep himself quiet. He rocked into Johnny’s touch, all thoughts of protesting lost in the wave of electricity that was coursing through his veins. His fingers twisted into the sheets and his heart thumped in his chest and suddenly everything was warm, wet heat.   
His eyes shot open with a gasp and he looked down, eyes wide as the moon outside the windows. Johnny’s lips wrapped around him, taking in his length. Mark wondered momentarily if he should pinch himself to wake up from this dream because, surely, this was some kind of a dream. Johnny’s eyes were closed, one hand holding Mark steady as he bobbed up and down, the other twisted into the sheets for support.   
Mark whimpered, head falling back down onto the pillow. His senses were overwhelmed and he could feel the coil within him tightening. He wasn’t aware of when it happened, but he found his fingers carding through Johnny’s hair. The elder hummed, sending a shock of vibrations through Mark that he’d never felt before. He tightened his grip on Johnny’s hair, eliciting another moan from the elder.   
Tears built at the edges of Mark’s vision. “Johnny… Johnny, I..” He gasped out, trying to warn the elder.   
Johnny pulled up, hand continuing to stroke as he looked up into Mark’s eyes. “Are you about to cum?”  
Mark nodded fervously, arching into the touch, thrusting into Johnny’s hand while the elder watched him with dazed, lust-filled eyes. Just as Mark felt his release coming, Johnny squeezed him at the base, cutting him off. Mark whimpered, a tear falling out of his eye.   
Johnny leaned up and kissed the tear way. “Shush now, Love. You’ll cum soon. We’ll cum together, after I’m inside you.”  
Mark’s eyes widened in surprise at the bold words from the older man. He watched in silence as Johnny moved back and stripped himself. Mark’s mouth went dry. He’d never seen Johnny shirtless in all the weeks he’d been living with him, much less seen him naked. He was tan, toned, and hard. Johnny smirked at the embarrassingly needy whimper that came out of Mark.   
Johnny went to a dresser and opened a drawer, pulling out a bottle of lube. He twisted it open as he walked back to the bed and crawled back up next to Mark.   
“I’ll be gentle with you.” He whispered, pressing their lips together. “I promise.”  
Mark got absorbed with the kiss, hands wrapped around Johnny’s neck as the older man fitted himself between Mark’s legs. He didn’t notice Johnny squeezing the liquid out onto his fingers until he felt a finger press against his hole.   
He gasped again; the sound swallowed by Johnny’s lips. He was used to this part, the slight sting that came with a finger sliding inside of him. His gasp twisted into a moan, his body on fire as he pressed down, already wishing for more. His every sense screamed just to be closer to Johnny. His willingness made quick work for the preparation and soon Johnny had three fingers moving in and out of the smaller boy.   
Mark had melted into a writhing mess, precum already leaking from him. His legs shook as his body rocked, trying to get more and more of the elder into him. Then, the feeling was gone, leaving him empty and whining from the sudden lack of contact.   
He looked down, lust clouding his vision. Johnny leaned above him, licking his lips hungrily. He poured some more of the lube on his own erection, giving it a few strokes. The bottle dropped onto the bed and rolled across the floor. Johnny smiled at Mark, the expression unusually gentle for the situation. Mark could almost trick himself into saying it was a loving smile.   
Johnny pressed their lips together once again. “Ready?”  
Mark nodded, chewing his lower lip. Johnny pulled his legs up, angling his hips up. He pressed his head to Mark’s hole and distracted the boy with a passionate kiss as he pressed into him for the first time. Mark whimpered at the stretch, burying his face into Johnny’s shoulder until the elder stopped moving inside of him.   
“You okay?” Johnny whispered, pressing kisses all over Mark’s face. He pulled back when Mark dropped back down onto the pillow, breathing heavy as he got used to the size of the intrusion inside of him. “Fuck, you’re beautiful.”  
Mark blushed, hiding his face behind his hands. “Just… Move.” He muttered out breathlessly.   
“As you wish, My Love.” Johnny whispered into his ear.   
Johnny started with a slow pace, rocking his hips gently. Mark moaned, arching into the feeling. His arms wrapped back around Johnny’s neck, pulling him back in for another kiss. It was sloppy and slow as they moved together, not knowing anymore where one stopped and the other began.   
Their hands traveled, touching everywhere they could touch. Their lips kissed every inch of skin they could reach. The sounds of their moans and cries of each other’s names were the only sound that echoed through the room.   
Johnny’s hands found Mark’s, lacing their fingers together as he pressed them above Mark’s head on either side of the pillow. Mark’s legs wrapped around his waist, bodies rocking together.   
“Fuck.” Johnny moaned out, breath hot against Mark’s kiss-swollen lips. “I’m gonna cum.”  
“Me too.” Mark whimpered out.   
Johnny licked his lips. “Come with me, Love.”  
Johnny released one of Mark’s hands, wrapping it around the younger’s neglected member. He rocked his hips, pace quicker, more erratic, until the both of them were rocking over the edge. Mark’s release exploded between them first, spraying their stomachs. Then came the unbearable tightness and he could feel Johnny twitch inside of him before his release coated Mark’s insides.   
Johnny pressed his lips to Mark’s once more in a finally, passionate kiss before he pulled himself out of the younger man and dropped down onto the mattress beside him. He grabbed Mark gently and pulled him closer, obviously not caring that they both were still a mess.   
“Johnny…” Mark whispered, voice hoarse after moans.   
“Hmm?” Johnny hummed, pressing a kiss to the top of Mark’s head. .  
“We should clean up.” Mark whispered.   
“Later, Love.” Johnny muttered, wrapping his arms around Mark even tighter. He grabbed the cover and threw it over them, burying his face in Mark’s neck.   
Mark snuggled in closer, resting his head on Johnny’s chest. He listened to the sound of the drunken man’s heartbeat, letting it lull him into a restless sleep before he would have to wake up and sort out the damage of the situation he’d just allowed to happen. But for now, he would let himself be selfish enough still to fall asleep in the arms of the man he loved.


	29. 29 - Posting two chapters so that my friend has something to read in the doctor's office tomorrow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mark is stupid.
> 
> Johnny isn't good at emotions. 
> 
> DoYoung just does his best, okay?

Waking up had been the hardest thing Mark had ever done. He peeled himself as carefully as he could out of Johnny’s arms, giving one last pitiful look at the sleeping man. It was already almost noon. Considering how much it seemed Johnny had drank the night before, Mark didn’t think he would be awake any time soon.   
Pulling his bottoms back on, Mark grabbed his crutches and maneuvered himself to the bathroom. He tried to bathe quickly, washing away the evidence of the events of the night before. Maybe, Mark wondered, if everything was put back like it should be before Johnny woke up, he’d just think the whole thing had been a bad dream.   
The man in question was still sleeping peacefully as Mark shuffled back into the bedroom. His food was healed, just a dark red scar where the cut used to be. He didn’t feel like bothering with the crutches anymore. He dropped them on the floor next to the bed, trying his best not to look at the man on the bed.   
The night before, he’d already made the preparations. He’d never expected for something like that to happen and his resolve was suddenly dwindling. No, he shook his head. He had to do this. His bags were already packed, everything he had shoved into the three large suitcases that DoYoung had brought over the night before. He wondered how drunk Johnny had to have been not to have seen them sitting in the corner of the room.   
Mark wheeled each one to the front door, limping to keep too much pressure off his foot still. It felt so good not to be using crutches anymore. He pulled out his phone and shot off a text. In the meantime, he ruffled through Johnny’s drawers until he found a blank notepad and a pencil. He scrawled a messy note, trying to keep the tears inside.   
He left the note sitting on the counter where he knew Johnny would find it. He made one last trip into the bedroom, sitting carefully on the platform next to Johnny’s side of the bed. Carefully, trying not to disturb the sleeping man, he brushed some hair from his face.   
“I’m so sorry, Hyung.” He whispered in a broken voice. “I never meant for any of this to happen. I never meant for it to go so far. I’m so sorry. Thank you, for everything you’ve done for me.”  
He pressed one more gentle kiss, the last he would steal from the man who claimed him as a best friend, to Johnny’s lips and then disappeared with his bags out of the apartment for good. It took more effort than Mark thought it would be to get the huge bags all the way down to the front of the building. He rested on top of one of them while he waited.   
It didn’t take long for DoYoung to arrive, driving his sturdy green minivan. He hopped out and wrapped Mark in a heavy hug.   
“Damn, man.” He laughed in greeting. “You look like shit.”  
“I feel like shit.” Mark muttered.   
DoYoung looked around. “Johnny didn’t help you down?”  
Mark swallowed, looking away from DoYoung. “He’s still sleeping. I didn’t want to bother him.”  
The other man’s smile fell from his lips. “You’re leaving without saying goodbye?”  
“I did say goodbye.” Mark defended. If taking advantage of and making love to your drunken in-a-relationship best friend could be considered a goodbye. Mark didn’t deserve a proper goodbye. He felt disgusting.   
DoYoung seemed to register Mark’s feelings and didn’t say anything else on the subject. He just patted Mark on the shoulder and helped toss the bags into the back of the van. Mark scrambled into the passenger seat and DoYoung in the drivers.   
“Did you still want me to take you to the doctor’s?” he asked.   
“If you don’t mind.” Mark muttered.   
DoYoung nodded. They drove in silence for the most part. Mark didn’t really feel like talking, with so much on his mind. DoYoung seemed to be content just listening to the soft music on the radio until they got to where they were going. He was even kind enough to sit in the waiting room with Mark until they called his name to go back.   
As expected, he was given the all clear. He walked out of the office with a smile on his face and a note in his hand telling Yuta that he could go back to normal duties at work. He was sick of sitting uselessly on a stool all day.   
DoYoung insisted that they stop for some take out, and when they were equipped with a coupled of boxes of fried chicken and some sides, they finally made their way back to DoYoung’s place. It wasn’t as fancy as Johnny’s, but it was nicer than what Mark had come from.   
“What do you think?” DoYoung asked as he unlocked the door and pushed one of the bags inside.   
Mark looked around. “It’s…not what I expected.”  
DoYoung chuckled. “I don’t look the type, right?”  
The apartment really didn’t look anything like what Mark would have thought. He had expected mismatched furniture, piles of dirty laundry, and take out containers piled high next to a stack of videogames. Instead, he’d walked into what looked like the cover of a Country Living magazine. Hardwood floors and matching trim, white walls, neutral toned comfy furniture with patterned pillows. Everything was neat and tidy and the entire apartment smells of freshly baked cookies.   
“What’s that smell?” Mark sniffed at the air, dragging in the last of his bags.   
“Oh.” DoYoung darted around the couch and into the kitchen, separated from the living space by an island bar. “I baked cookies this morning, do you want one?”  
He came back with a plate of fluffy chocolate chip cookies and offered one to Mark, who was staring at the elder with a confused expression on his face.   
DoYoung’s ears were flushed red. “I know, I don’t seem the type. But… who I am out there” He motioned towards the door. “That’s a different person than who I am…. In here.” He pressed a hand to his chest.   
Mark nodded, nibbling at the delicious cookie, unsure what exactly to say to find out that his flirtatious playboy of a coworker and now roommate was secretly a housewife with no husband. He chuckled a little at the thought.   
“So, your room is just down this hall.” He started to wheel one of the bags around the couch and down a hallway. “First door is my room, second in the bathroom, third is your room. If you don’t like the furniture or decorations, you can always replace them.”  
DoYoung opened up the door and let Mark inside. This room was just like the others, with a big four poster bed against one wall and a set of matching night stands and dresser. The quilt and massive number of decorative pillows were all white and baby blue in various different yet somehow matching patterns. In the far corner there was a high backed, comfortable looking armchair next to a set of white French doors hidden behind some sheer lace curtains.   
“Wow.” Mark whispered, walking to the door and looking out.   
“The balcony connects both rooms together.” DoYoung said. “But the doors lock. There’s a hot tub out there, and it looks over the park across the street. I know it’s not as great of a view as Johnny’s place, but…”  
“But I think it’s perfect.” Mark turned to DoYoung, grinning ear to ear for the first time that day. “Thank you, for letting me stay here.”  
“Yah, it’s not for free or anything.” DoYoung glared playfully. “You’d better have the rent on time and everything.”  
“Of course.” Mark’s saluted, making them both chuckle.   
DoYoung rolled his eyes. “Alright, well, you might wanna go ahead and start unpacking your things. We’re both working the night shift today and we’ll need to leave in a few hours.”  
Mark nodded. “Of course.”

Johnny fought waking as hard as he could. His head pounded painfully and his throat burned. He reached out for the warm body he’d fallen asleep curled around, but the bed next to him was empty and cold. Johnny’s eyes flung open and he sat up in bed, sending a rush of nausea flooding over him. He barely made it to the trashcan before he hurled his entire stomach’s contents into it.   
Wiping his face, he turned back towards the room, searching the empty bed. He frowned, searching his mind for the memories of the night before. He vaguely recalled HaNa dumping him. Then catching an Uber home because he was much too drunk to drive. So why had he woken up naked in his bed, covered in dried cum? He hadn’t… His eyes went wide at the sudden flash of memory, of Mark’s face twisted in a mixture of pleasure and agony as Johnny thrust into him.   
“Oh, Fuck.” He groaned, leaning against the wall with his head in his hands. Everything throbbed and spun.   
Johnny took a deep breath and pushed himself up off the floor. He blinked hard to clear his vision and stumbled to the closet for a pair of underpants. Stumbling out of his room, he leaned against the door frame.   
“Mark?” He called into the silence of the house. “Mark? Are you here?”  
No response. Johnny’s heart raced, panic flooding him. He ran to the bathroom door and pounded on it, but it was unlocked and empty. He stumbled into the kitchen, the living room, and both were empty. Johnny swallowed back the panic and tears, searching even though he knew he wouldn’t find the younger man.   
He instead found a notepad with a hastily scribbled note on it.   
I’m so sorry, Hyung. I couldn’t say goodbye in person. I wanted to tell you, but I let my feelings get in the way. I’ve agreed to move in with DoYoung. Please don’t worry, I’m fine. Goodbye and thank you for everything.  
He was gone. Gone. Gone. The world repeated itself like poison through Johnny’s mind until it spilled out of his eyes like acid burning his face. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t see. He stumbled, blind, through the house, searching for any trace that this was a joke, just some cruel prank. Mark would burst of a closet or from behind some piece of furniture and tell him this was all a joke.   
It was no joke, he was gone. Johnny gasped for breath he couldn’t find, curled himself on the floor in the hallway and cried. He cried until darkness consumed him, only to wake hours later and cry again.   
He scrambled back into his bedroom and grabbed his phone, blinking away tears to type in the passcode. He pulled up Mark’s number and called.   
Straight to voicemail.   
Seventeen times he called, each time going straight to voicemail. He sent twenty texts, and no response. His head buzzed and he threw his phone onto the bed. He screamed out, looking for something to destroy because there was too much anger in his body and nowhere to release it. It was a small, green thing in his bed that caught his attention.   
The dragon plush that he’d bought Mark on their date. Their friend-date that Johnny had tricked Mark into going to. Johnny picked it up with trembling hands. Mark had left it behind? He’d clung to it like it was a part of him since he’d bought it. Johnny had secretly let his heart fill with pride. Mark had said the dragon reminded him of Johnny, and he carried it everywhere. Yet Johnny had no done something so horrid, so unforgivable, that not only had Mark left with little more than a note, but he’d also left behind the item he claimed as his most prized possession.   
Johnny found himself sinking back down onto the beg, retching through his sobs. He doubled back over to the trash can and threw up once more, unsure if it were the hangover or the pain in his heart.   
He was able to drag himself into the shower and drop himself on the floor beneath the cold spray of the water. He stayed there until his breathing had evened and his head had stopped spinning, but his mind could not stop thinking about what had happened last night, trying to put together his spotty memories. He remembered HaNa dumping him. He remembered taking an uber home. He remembered how sweet Mark had looked, curled up on Johnny’s side of the bed with the little dragon in his hand. He remembered Mark muttering out his name in his sleep.   
Johnny clenched his eyes shut, remembering the flutter in his drunken stomach as he sat down on the edge of the bed and traced the gentle features of Mark’s small face, sliding into the bed beside him and trying so hard yet failing to wrap his arms around the younger boy. He could still smell the sweetness of his skin and acid burned his throat at the want that bubbled within him. He remembered, through the fog of his mind, as his memories of the night continued to break down, Mark’s clear voice, ringing in his ears with a resounding “No.”   
Johnny had to find Mark. He had to find him and beg forgiveness. He’d taken advantage of his friend, he’d hurt him, he’d scared him, he’d forced him to… Mark had said no, and Johnny had done it anyway. This, he resigned as he stepped out of the shower with a shaky breath and a towel, was the kind of person that Johnny was.   
He walked in a daze through his own house, drying and dressing. He grabbed a simple white tee and some jeans, threw on his jacket. He grabbed a bottle of juice from the fridge and took it with him out the door, catching an uber back to his car.


	30. 30 - Noona had her surgery and the kitties love heerrr

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mark makes bad life choices.
> 
> DoYoung isn't what you'd expect
> 
> Johnny is broken.

Mark was thankful for the chance to walk around at work. Jaena still followed close by him for the first few hours, a nervous expression on her face. Mark had eventually been able to shoo her off. All he was doing was placing books back on shelves. DoYoung was manning the cash register that evening while Jaena went back and forth between sorting new merchandise and playing back up from DoYoung. Taeyong and Haechan were both behind the counter of the coffee shop, though it appeared obvious that Haechan was getting ready to leave early since the rush for coffee had died down significantly.   
“When are you going to tell me what happened?” Jaena walked up behind Mark to drop something onto the shelf.   
“When were you going to tell me you and Johnny dated?” Mark snapped back.   
Jaena’s brows rose, shocked that he’d somehow found out. A light blush painted her cheeks and she bit her lip. It seemed like she wasn’t going to speak, but after a long silence, she leaned against the shelf and glanced back at the others.   
“I’m guessing YangYang told you?” She spoke in a low whisper. “It’s not something that Johnny would willingly admit to.”  
Mark’s lips pressed into a thin line at Johnny’s name. He was sure he’d feel guilty for weeks, or at least until he saw Johnny again and could thoroughly apologize. He’d never meant to take advantage of the drunken elder. Jaena’s story didn’t make him feel any better, either.   
“Johnny isn’t a bad person.” Jaena looked pointedly at Mark before she continued. “We dated a very long time ago, before my transition surgeries. I knew YangYang first and I met Johnny through him. I… I knew I should have told him back then that I didn’t…have girl parts. I was already presenting female and that’s what he knew me as. But it was still new and scary, so I never had the courage to tell him what I really was.”  
“That must have been difficult.” Mark mused.   
Jaena gave a sad smile. “The point is, or well, the short version of the story… YangYang, the poor thing, didn’t know I hadn’t told him yet. So when he let it slip, Johnny sort of… panicked. He dumped me right then and there, and he said some really nasty things that I’d rather not repeat.”  
“But you guys seem so close now.” Mark pouted in confusion.   
Jaena laughed softly and gave a nod. “It took a hell of a lot for us to get back to that point. I started working here after my surgeries. It was really awkward for a while, but it was the best job that I could find that wouldn’t care about the fact that my ID still said male on it. He apologized. I think, he was really ashamed. For someone to be so open-minded, so caring, as Johnny is… He was ashamed of the way he’d acted. We’ve gotten over it now though. All water under the bridge. He introduced me to Taeyeon, actually.”  
“Wow.” Mark breathed out. “I didn’t realize it was like that.”  
Jaena shrugged. “To be fair, most of us here were brought together because Johnny did something stupid.”  
Mark’s eyes widened. “Really?”  
Jaena laughed, ruffling Mark’s hair. He frowned and stepped away. He didn’t like it when someone other than Johnny did that. She pulled back and turned.   
“You should ask the others about it.” She laughed. “Everybody has a story.”  
Mark blinked, watching her walk back towards the front. His eyes were drawn to the heavy door opening. The air was knocked out of his lungs when he saw Johnny step into the shop. Why was he there, Mark wondered? Johnny didn’t have work that day. He saw DoYoung look from Johnny to Mark with wide eyes, and then Johnny started towards Mark.  
Jaena stopped Johnny, giving him a stern look and saying something so quietly Mark couldn’t figure out what it was that she was saying. Johnny, eyes downcast, merely nodded. Jaena released him, and Mark pretended to be super absorbed in his work as he felt the older man walk up behind him.   
“Mark?” He flinched at the hoarse sound of the other’s voice.   
“J..Johnny.” Mark swallowed.   
“I tried to call.”  
“I left my phone at the apartment.” Mark lied.   
“Oh.” It seemed to take Johnny a moment to realize that he didn’t mean his apartment, but the one Mark now shared with DoYoung. “You left.”  
“I left a note.” Mark still wouldn’t look at Johnny.   
He stiffened when Johnny grabbed his wrist and spun him around, forcing him to look at the older male. A sudden flash of hands around his neck hit Mark like a ton of bricks and he wrenched his arm from Johnny’s grasp. The older man’s eyes widened and he stepped back like he’d been electrocuted.   
“I’m sorry.” Johnny muttered, chewing his lip.   
“No.” Mark wrapped his arms around himself for lack of something better to do with his hands. “I should be apologizing. It was unfair of me to leave the way I did.”  
“I understand.” Johnny sounded very much like he was about to cry and Mark hated it. He hated how the elder man, Mark’s solid rock, sounded like his foundation had turned to sand and he was going to drown soon. “Listen, about last night.”  
“Let’s not.” Mark suddenly interrupted.  
“Mark…” Johnny looked like he’d been shot.  
“Not here…” Mark glanced out at the others. Taeyong was watching the two of them with his brow furrowed in curiosity.   
Mark took a deep breath and then turned to walk into the back hall. He could hear Johnny on his heels and tried to ignore the feeling of being watched by the rest of the store. The door shut behind Johnny and Mark turned around, staring at his feet.   
“What do you want to say?” He asked.   
Johnny’s breathing wasn’t even. Mark could hear the hitch with every other breath he took. The tale-tell sign that Johnny was nervous. Of course he would be.   
“About last night.” Johnny started again. “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. I’d never have done it if I’d been sober, and I don’t know how I could ever make it up to you. I’m so, so sorry. Please, I don’t want things to be uncomfortable for you because of my stupid mistakes.”  
Mark didn’t respond for a long while. He could feel his heart breaking, despite knowing those were the words that Johnny was going to say. What had he expected? What had he hoped for? That Johnny was going to chase him to work and tell him he loved him, and that he wants him to come back home because last night wasn’t a mistake, wasn’t a drunken accident? Mark wanted to laugh at his own naivety.  
“I don’t feel uncomfortable.” Mark responded, rubbing at his lower back with a half-laughed “Well, maybe a little, but I’ll be fine.”  
Johnny whined. “I hurt you?”  
“It…” Mark could tell that his face was flushed red. “Felt…nice.”  
“Oh.”  
“You were very drunk.” Mark spoke slowly, choosing his words carefully. “I gave in too easily.”  
“Why?” Johnny looked up at him with a carefully guarded expression. “Why didn’t you just hit me upside the head and tell me to get the fuck out?”  
The words cause a flinch and a familiar memory for Mark, but he ignored it and gave Johnny an aching smile. “It felt nice.”  
“Felt nice?” Johnny looked at Mark like he’d grown a second head. “You let me drunkenly force you into bed because it… felt nice?”  
“You didn’t force me.” Mark’s lips pursed.  
“Oh?” Johnny quirked an eyebrow up. “So, you would do it again if I asked you to?”  
Mark gasped, looking away with a blush, because he knew the answer without hesitation. He would, in a heartbeat, he would.   
“Tell me.” Johnny’s voice suddenly sounded cold and Mark looked at him carefully. “If I asked to pay amends for letting you stay in my house, for all the food I bought you, for the clothes, would you?”  
Mark’s eyes widened, shocked that Johnny would ask such a thing. “H..How much do I owe you?”  
He wasn’t sure if that was the right or the wrong thing to say. Johnny’s expression was blank, cloudy and guarded.   
“Then, if I told you to pay me back by coming to my house cleaning everything from top to bottom?”  
“W... what time do I need to be there?” Mark’s lip was trembling, and he was confused.   
Johnny’s eyes narrowed. “If I told you to wear a maid’s outfit? To clean naked?” He was stepping closer to Mark and an anger that terrified the younger was permeating through his voice. “If I told you to pay me back with your body, you would, wouldn’t you?”  
“Johnny…” Mark gulped, back pressed into the wall with the elder closer in front of him. “Why are you being like this?”  
“Answer the question, Mark.” Johnny growled, hand slamming into the wall near Mark’s head.   
The younger boy squeaked and flinched away, tears stinging at his eyes. “Hyung…”  
“Mark.”  
“Y…Yes.” Mark barely breathed out the words, not looking at Johnny’s face. “You… You did so much for me. I’d do anything I could to repay you, whatever you wanted.”  
He was being honest, but Johnny suddenly just looked sick. He stepped back from Mark with the clouded expression back on his face. Johnny looked down at his feet.   
“I’m sorry.” His voice was low.   
“Johnny.” Mark stepped forward, less afraid now that Johnny was out of his space.   
Whatever he had been about to say was interrupted as Jaena pried the door open. Both men looked at her and she seemed willfully ignorant of the mood between the two.   
“Mark, you need to come out to the front.” She told him.   
“Why?” Mark asked.   
“Well, one. You’re still on shift and it’s not your lunch break yet.” She quirked an eyebrow up at him. “And two. You’ve got a delivery out here.”  
“A delivery?” Mark pursed his lips. Why would he be getting a package at work? He never ordered anything, had someone sent something to him? Jeno wouldn’t be so bold as to send him anything to his work location, would he?   
Jaena shrugged and waved to the front of the store. Mark walked out, followed by Jaena with a still silent Johnny trailing behind. He made his way to the front of the counter were DoYoung, Taeyong, and Haechan were all crowded around something on the counter. As Mark neared, he realized that it was a massive, beautiful bouquet of flowers.   
“These are for me?” He asked, padding up to the counter to look at the vase and the pretty tulips inside. “Who sent them?”  
“There’s a card.” DoYoung pointed out.   
Mark picked the card from the stand in the leaves and opened it, aware that every eye in the store – employee and customer – were on him.   
Pretty flowers for a pretty kid. I’ll see you at 9. – Y  
“Y?” Taeyong read over Mark’s shoulders. The youngest boy could feel his ears going pink.   
“Oh.” He licked his lip and looked up, glancing at his coworkers, avoiding Johnny’s gaze. “They’re from JongHoon.”

Johnny watched from a distance as Mark looked at his flowers in astonishment. JongHoon? The singer? Johnny felt the jealousy wrenching through him, but he kept silent.   
“He… He gave me his number last night.” Mark was blushing and smiling softly as he recalled the situation to the group of friends. “I called him when I got home and he asked me to dinner tonight.”  
“You’re going on a date with him?” Jaena didn’t sound as pleased as the boys and Johnny was somehow glad for that. “Isn’t he like, twice your age?”  
Mark’s lips twisted into a frown. “It’s just a harmless dinner. He just wants to talk.”  
“Hmm.” Jaena huffed. “Talk, sure.”  
“So, you’re going to be out late tonight?” DoYoung broke the tension, leaning forward. “Do I need to leave the front door unlocked for you?”  
“Maybe.” Mark scratched the back of his head. “I don’t really know.”  
“Wait.” Taeyong was looking between everyone with a confused expression. “Since when is Mark staying with you? Last night, Yuta and I dropped him off at Johnny’s.”  
“He moved out.” Johnny found himself saying, his voice uncomfortably devoid of emotion. “This morning, he left and moved into DoYoung’s house.”  
“Oh.” Taeyong was looking at Johnny with pity in his eyes and he hated it.   
“You can spend more time with Hana.” Mark muttered beneath the murmur of the others.   
Johnny’s eyes found Mark’s and pierced into those wide orbs. “We broke up last night.”  
“Oh.” Mark gasped, eyes widening in shock.   
“Don’t worry about it.” Johnny broke out quickly, and he needed to get out. He needed to get out now. He grabbed a blue bag he’d dropped by the counter when he came in and held it out to Mark. “I only came by because you forgot to take something with you when you left. I brought it by.”  
Johnny shoved the bag with the dragon hidden inside into Mark’s hands and spun to leave with a hastily muttered excuse of having somewhere else to be. Taeyong called out to him, but he ignored him. He didn’t stop until he made it into his car, and then he started shaking. His entire body felt like it was on fire, bugs crawling beneath his skin, breath lost before it reached his lungs.   
He scratched at his arm furiously, trying to rid himself of the phantom itch. His anxiety was getting worse lately. He needed his medication. Ignoring the shakes, he revved up his car and disappeared out of the parking lot, trying to think of anywhere he could go other than his painfully empty apartment.


	31. 31 - I broke my car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I.... Wow. Well, we all know what's about to come next. 
> 
> There's no Johnny POV in this story.
> 
> JongHoon is Yesung for those of you who don't know.

“Do you think I look alright?” Mark asked for the hundredth time since he and DoYoung had gone back to their apartment.   
DoYoung rolled his eyes from his place on the couch with his videogame controller and his cup of instant ramen. Mark felt more at home with this version of DoYoung, messy and carefree, than with the tidy, freshly baked cookies version he’d met that morning.   
“You said this wasn’t a date.” DoYoung reminded him. “So why are you so worried about your appearance?”  
Mark flushed. “JongHoon is a celebrity. He’s used to keeping a certain kind of company.”  
“If he asked you out.” DoYoung paused to complete a particularly difficult move in the game before continuing. “Then he obviously likes the way you look. He won’t care what you’re wearing.”  
“While flattering.” Mark rolled his eyes. “You’re being entirely unhelpful.”  
DoYoung sighed again and paused his game to look at Mark seriously for once. He licked his lip and looked the younger boy up and down. “Put the red shirt back on with the grey coat and lose the tie.”  
“Thanks, Do Hyung!” Mark jumped in his haste and spun back around the bedroom. He grabbed the proper clothes from the pile, changed, and then sorted his hair in the mirror before bouncing back out to DoYoung.   
This time, he was given a thumbs up by his friend, just in time for the text to arrive that JongHoon was waiting in front of the apartment building. Bidding goodbye to his new roommate, and excitement filling him, he bounced his way down to the front of the building.   
JongHoon was dressed smartly in a casual suit, leaning against the hood of a conspicuous yellow sports car. When he saw Mark, he gave a wide grin and a wave.   
“JongHoon!” Mark bounced up to him, all his worries from the day disappearing at the sight of the older man’s smile.   
“Hello, Mark.” He grinned. “You look quite nice.”  
Mark found himself blushing as the elder opened the door for him. “Thanks. You do too.”  
“I hope you’re hungry.” JongHoon grinned as he spun them out of the parking lot. “I haven’t eaten since morning.”  
“Where are we going?” Mark asked, preoccupied with all of the fancy controls and buttons in the car. There was even a touch screen with RGB lighting.   
“Hmm..” JongHoon hummed, a smile still on his face. “Somewhere delicious. Now, tell me about your day.”  
They ended up going to a rather fancy restaurant. Mark was glad DoYoung had talked him out of jeans, and the grey blazer was a good idea. JongHoon led Mark into the restaurant with a hand on the small of Mark’s back.   
“Mr. Kim.” The Maître D’ bowed to him as they walked in. “And you brought a guest.”  
JongHoon nodded. “This is Mr. Lee, he will be dining with me this evening. My regular table is prepared?”  
“Yes, Sir.” The man nodded. “I shall escort you there.”  
JongHoon waved a hand. “There will be no need, I can see myself.”  
“Very well, Sir.”  
Still hyper aware of the hand on his back, Mark let the older man lead him through into the dining hall. He was aware of the looks they were receiving and suddenly felt very out of place and conscious about his age. JongHoon didn’t seem to notice or care as he made their way up through he sea of tables to a booth tucked privately into a corner.   
Jonghoon helped Mark into one side and slid in on the other. Mark was still looking around in wonder. Everything was clean and high class. There was a decorative plant positioned just so the rest of the diners couldn’t see their booth, but on the other side, they had a nice view of the floor and out the window to the gardens nearby.   
“This place is amazing.” Mark breathed out, looking in wonder at the man who had brought him. “Thank you.”  
JongHoon gave a smile and looked down. “Of course. This is my favorite restaurant.”  
It wasn’t long before their waitress came. She seemed quite familiar with JongHoon, and surprised to see Mark. Still, she took their orders – after JongHoon took a longer than necessary time convincing Mark that the price tag didn’t matter – and disappeared with a smile.   
“It’s doesn’t seem like you bring people here often.” Mark noticed.   
The older man hummed. “It’s been a while since I’ve had someone to bring.”  
“Thank you, again.”  
Jonghoon chuckled. “You don’t have to keep thanking me.”  
Mark felt himself blush again. “Force of habit, I guess. I’m just… not used to people being kind to me.”  
“Your co-workers from the bookstore seem very kind.” He commented.   
Mark nodded. “Jaena is kind of like an over-protective big sister. And DoYoung is very kind to rent one of his rooms to me.”  
“I thought you were living with that man from the coffee shop.” Jonghoon muttered. “The way he looked at you, I wondered if I should even ask you out.”  
“Johnny?” Mark licked his dry lips. “He was just letting me stay with him until I could find somewhere more permanent, after my ex and I broke up… This were a bit hectic.”  
“I see.” Jonghoon’s lips pressed together thoughtfully.   
“I’m sorry.” Mark muttered softly. “I’d rather not talk about that right now, if you don’t mind.”  
“We can talk about anything you want.” Jonghoon smiled at him once more.   
They did talk about anything, and everything. It seemed like they were in that restaurant talking and laughing for hours. The food had been delicious enough to keep Mark silent until his plate was empty. He thought it would be nearly midnight by the time they stumbled out of the restaurant, drunk on their own laughter.   
Jonghoon opened Mark’s door for him and he slipped back into the expensive car, grinning when the elder got in on the other side.   
“Where shall we go now?” Mark asked, dazing smile on his face. He was having such a good time, able to forget about all the past and the things that were causing his heart to ache lately. With Jonghoon, he felt like he was still an innocent, unbroken soul. It was also very flattering to his ego when the older man complimented him and flirted with him so candidly.   
Jonghoon gave him a measured look and then smiled softly. “We could go to a movie, it’s not too late. Or I could go ahead and take you back home. Or…”  
“Or?” Mark tilted his head cutely.   
“Or we could go back to my place and…talk some more?”  
Mark made a show of thinking about it. He wasn’t as innocent as he felt. He knew what the connotations of going back to the older man’s house meant. He knew that he shouldn’t. But Johnny was on his mind again and he needed to get over him already. So what if the other man had left his girlfriend. He’d made it perfectly clear that he held no feelings for Mark. He wouldn’t have done what he’d done had he been sober, but Mark remembered their last conversation. Johnny had taken Mark’s willingness to spread his legs as a payment for taking care of him.   
“I think I’d like to keep talking.” Mark smiled at Jonghoon.   
The older man grinned and sped off in the direction of his home. It was a rather big house, modern and secluded. There was a gate with a code leading up to the garage.   
“I’ve never seen this many cars in one garage before.” Mark gaped.   
“Don’t forget the bikes.” Jonghoon laughed.   
Mark followed him up the path towards the actual house, enamored by everything that he saw. Jonghoon was happy to give him a tour when they stepped inside, showing him first the living room with its massive television and expensive grand paino, then the kitchen and the bathroom, the indoor swimming pool, his personal studio, and his study.   
“There’s so many books.” Mark looked around, eyes wide as saucers.   
“You’re welcome to borrow any that take your interest.” Jonghoon placed a hand on Mark’s shoulder.   
Mark turned to the older man and gave him a shy smile. He knew what they had come here for, really, and he didn’t want to waste any more time building tension. “Could I see your bedroom?”  
Jonghoon’s eyes widened at the boy’s forwardness, but Mark didn’t miss the mist of lust that clouded his vision. Jonghoon’s hand was again on the small of his back as he trekked him up a spiral staircase and down a narrow hallway to a door near the end.   
“This is my bedroom.” He announced, opening the door.   
Mark stepped in and gasped once more. The ceiling arched upwards, giving the room the appearance of being much larger than it was. A crystal chandelier hung above a king-sized bed decorated with some extravagant silk bedding. A table and a dresser sat next to a large window with sheer blinds pulled shut. There was a couch at the base of the bed that looked comfy enough to sleep on itself.   
“This room is beautiful.” Mark stepped inside and spun around, looking at the paintings on the walls, and the huge mirror above the dresser that reflected the bed. Oh, he thought, that would be interesting.   
“I’m glad you like it.” Jonghoon sounded amused. “Do you want to have a seat? We can continue our conversation from earlier?”  
Mark sat down on the couch next to Jonghoon, blood rushing in his ears. He didn’t know where this confidence was coming from. He had none of this when faced with Johnny, but suddenly, Mark was straddling Jonghoon while the elder gave him a shocked expression.   
“You really didn’t ask me here to talk, did you?” Mark smirked.  
Jonghoon’s hands were already on his waist and his eyes were drooping darkly. “I would have been happy if that’s all that came of the night, but it seems that you have other ideas?”  
Mark bit his lip, fingers playing with the top buttons of the other man’s shirt. “No, we can keep talking.”  
“What about?” Jonghoon leaned back against the couch, watching Mark carefully.   
He liked being looked at like that. Like he had all the power at the moment. “When was the last time someone was in your bedroom?”  
“It’s been a while.” The older man’s voice broke and Mark slid one button open.   
“Do you like girls, or just men?”  
“Both.” Jonghoon’s voice wavered, low as if he no longer trusted it. Mark popped open another button.   
“If you keep staring at my mouth like that, I’m going to start to think you want to put your cock in it.” Mark’s words shocked even himself. Since when had he become so bold? Become this kind of person? This was not who he was, but need was already starting to throb in his veins and he was excited by the prospect of the unknown.   
Jonghoon coughed at his words, covering his mouth with his hands, he looked away. After he collected himself for a moment, he looked back up at Mark. “I’d rather like to start by simply kissing you, if you don’t mind.”  
Mark waited for no further instructions. He just dove in and pressed his lips to the older man’s. The kiss was hasty and bold, full of fire and driven by desire. Mark could feel in the way the other man’s lips moved against his own, just how desperate he was for the touch. Mark craved, too. To be touched, to be wanted, to be devoured, the way that the man in front of him promised with a look, with a touch, with fingers moving carefully to grab his ass and pull him closer.   
Mark’s hands wrapped around his neck, fingers twisting into the older man’s hair. He was already hard in his pants and he could feel the man’s growing erection as he pressed his hips down into it. Jonghoon breathed out a moan between their lips, nipping at Mark’s lower lip.   
Mark pulled away, breathless, and looked into the eyes of the older man. “Is that enough kissing?” He teased.  
“Eager, aren’t you?” Jonghoon chuckled. “Fine, on your knees.”  
Mark complied, sliding off the man’s lap and onto the ground between his legs. Jonghoon sat up, looking at the sight before him. Mark could only imagine what he looked like. His jacket has been discarded at the door. At some point during their kissing, all of his buttons had been undone. Now, he knelt on the ground with his cock pressing hard against his slacks, looking up with swollen, red lips and a flush on his cheeks, breathless and ravaged.   
“Fuck.” Jonghoon grabbed Mark rather gently by the chin and turned his head up to look him in the eyes. “You are so fucking beautiful.”  
Mark smiled, leaning forward to nuzzle his nose against the erection in front of him. Jonghoon’s moans sounded like singing, but he tugged Mark gently away with a smirk on his face. “Ah, not quite yet. I want you naked. Strip.”


	32. 32 - Well I wasn't expecting Mark to do this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is sex. 
> 
> That's it.
> 
> Mark has sex.

The authoritative tone the man held send a shiver down his spine in a way it hadn’t when Jeno had ordered him around. Here, he knew he was in good hands. So, he quickly tugged out of his shirt and leaned up to shift out of his pants.   
“Underwear too.”   
Mark bit his lip, suddenly shy. He tucked his thumbs into his waistband, and with a shy hesitation, tugged them down to his knees. His erection sprung free, bouncing against his abdomen, red in the cool of the room. Now, he stood bare before the man in front of him, glancing up from beneath his lashes.   
Jonghoon’s eyes were hooded, his face slack with lust as he eyed Mark’s young body. He licked his lower lip slowly, leaning back against the couch again, rubbing his own clothed erection. “Touch yourself.”  
Mark, once more, found himself obeying with a shiver up his spine. He moaned out softly as his fingers wrapped around himself and he began to stroke slowly, thumbing his slit playfully, the way he liked when no one was watching. With an audience, now, he felt nervous and somehow that turned him on even more. He could feel himself, pulsing inside of his hand.   
Jonghoon was watching him intensely, like a leopard eying its prey. Mark liked the way he felt vulnerable, and that surprised him more than anything. Because this vulnerability was control. This would all stop the moment Mark said so, if that’s what he wished. Jonghoon promised him that with sweet whispers as he motioned him closer, pulling his own erection free of his pants.   
Mark dropped back down on his knees, eyeing the flesh before him hungrily. Jonghoon finished unbuttoning his shirt and let it fall open. “Do you want it?”  
Mark nodded, licking his lips, looking up at the elder. “Please?” He didn’t know why he felt the need to ask permission, it was as if it were instinct.   
Jonghoon gave him a smirk, fingers wrapped gently in Mark’s hair to guide him forward until his lips pressed against the head of his cock. Mark still made no move.   
“Such a beautiful, obedient boy.” Jonghoon petted Mark’s head. “Suck me off.”  
That was all the permission Mark needed. He lurched forward and his lips wrapped around the length in front of him, taking it in as far as he could in one go. Jonghoon was by no means a small man, but neither had Jeno been. Mark had gotten rather good at blowjobs over the past year, and Jonghoon’s moans told him that hadn’t changed.   
He bobbed his head, bringing one hand up to cup the elder’s balls. He gave them a gentle squeeze and a tug, rolling them in his hand while his mouth continued to work up and down the man’s shaft. Jonghoon’s head fell back, his breathing uneven through moans and whispered of Mark’s name, whispers of encouragement, and Good Boy.   
Mark’s own erection leaked, throbbing at each compliment he received. Fuck, he thought to himself as the elder’s cock hit the back of his throat, I must be kinkier than I thought.  
He felt fingers grip tight into his hair suddenly, and his movements ceased. His eyes turned up to the man above him, who looked at him with hooded eyes. Jonghoon rocked his hips, thrusting into Mark’s mouth. Mark hummed, hands gripping the edge of the couch cushion for purchase as Jonghoon fucked into his mouth with slow, long strokes.   
His jaw ached, and tears pricked at the corners of his eyes, but he wouldn’t pull away. He endured as the elder’s pace picked up, thrusting fast, pace becoming erratic. He barely gave warning before pulling out of Mark’s mouth just in time to paint his face and lips with cum, the sticky white substance dripping onto Mark’s chest.   
“Fuck.” Jonghoon fell back, looking at Mark dazed. “You’re good.”  
“Thank you.” Mark’s voice was husky from the abuse his throat had just taken, and with the way the older man was looking at him, this was just the beginning.   
“Look at you.” Jonghoon eyed the boy up and down. “You’re leaking. Do you want to cum too, my sweet?”  
“Please.” Mark begged, breathless.  
Jonghoon chewed his lip, then stood up, letting his pants fall to the ground, his erection still standing proudly. “On the couch. Ass up, GO.”  
Mark scrambled to obey, climbing onto the couch. He leaned over the back, knees planted firmly on the cushions, his ass in the air on display for the older man.   
His hands gripped the top of the couch, fingers flexing as he waited in anticipation for what was about to happen. He didn’t expect something warm and wet to press against his entrance. He gasped, eyes shooting open at the feel of the tongue against his hole.   
“J… Jonghoon!” He gasped out in shock.   
“Hush, My Sweet.” The elder chuckled, nipping at his thigh. “Just enjoy it.”  
Mark moaned out, willing his body to relax. With every swipe of the man’s tongue, he could feel himself coming undone. Jonghoon’s strong hands pulled apart his cheeks, giving him an even better view of Mark’s puckering red hole. He groaned hungrily and pushed his tongue inside.   
Mark bit into his fist to muffle his cried of ecstasy. It felt so good to have the older man lapping at his hole, and even more when the man reached around him and began to stroke his neglected cock. Tears stung at Mark’s eyes. His body was in sensory overload.   
“I’m going to…” He started to pant out and Jonghoon squeezed his erection almost painfully.   
“Not until I say you can.” He pulled himself up from the floor.   
Mark whimpered. “Please. Please, I need to.”  
“Not yet.” Jonghoon responded, more firmly.   
Mark whimpered, his release denied him.   
“On the bed, on your back.” Jonghoon ordered.   
Once more, Mark scrambled to obey. It was as if his body simply had a setting that made him instantly obey the elder’s commands. He scrambled over the back of the couch and climbed up the bed to the pillows, falling onto his back. He let his legs fall open, leaving everything on display for the man that stood at the foot of the bed.   
Mark’s body burned everywhere Jonghoon’s eyes touched him. The desire for him was written clear on the man’s face. Mark watched silently as Jonghoon went to his dresser and rummaged around for something. He pulled back with a bottle of lube and a condom in his hands. He came back to the bed and dropped the items beside Mark.   
Jonghoon climbed onto the bed and settled between Mark’s legs. The younger’s fingers twisted into the bedsheets while he watched the older man take his sweet time opening the condom and rolling it on, uncapping the lube and pouring it onto his fingers to warm it up.   
“Hurry…” Mark whimpered.   
Jonghoon shot him a stern look. Mark felt himself flushing with embarrassment.   
“Pl..please.” He amended.   
Jonghoon pressed a finger to his already spit-slicked hole, grazing it around the twitching entrance. “What is it that you want, My sweet?”  
“S..stop teasing me, please.” Mark whimpered out.   
“Now, I need to be a little more specific than that.” Jonghoon tutted.   
Mark swallowed. Dirty talking had never been something he’d done. “I want you to put your finger inside of me, please.”  
“Such a good boy.” Jonghoon purred, and as a reward, his finger dipped inside of Mark, causing the younger man to arch of the bed with a loud moan.  
Jonghoon began to move the finger, slowly, painfully slowly, until Mark was crying once more, begging once more.   
“Please, please. More, please more.” He whimpered out.   
Jonghoon moaned, sliding another finger into Marks’ hole. The younger boy only tensed momentarily at the larger intrusion, his body so willing, so ready, that he hardly registered the burn of the stretch.   
“Fuck, you’re so fucking greedy for it, aren’t you?” Jonghoon’s voice was raspy with lust, as if he were having a hard time holding himself back. “Look as how fucking easy that just goes in.”  
He quickened his pace, pulling his fingers apart to stretch Mark as well as he could. When he felt like Mark was adjusted enough, he added a third finger, which got another string of beautiful moans from Mark’s mouth and another string of curse-laced praises from Jonghoon. Mark liked hearing the praises, and Jonghoon noticed.   
“You’d cum just from this, wouldn’t you?” Jonghoon’s melodic voice teased. “Just from my fingers in your ass as I tell you what a good boy you are?”  
Mark’s legs trembled, his cock ached with the need to cum that he’d already been denied once. “Please.” He whimpered out breathless. “Please let me cum.”  
“Soon, my sweet.” Jonghoon curled his fingers inside of Mark. “Soon.”  
Mark cried out again as his vision went white with pleasure. Jonghoon hit that bundle of nerves with his fingers a few more times, and then pulled his fingers free. Mark whined at the loss he felt inside of himself. It was replaced, instead, be the heavy, blunt warm of the tip of Jonghoon’s cock.   
“Last chance to back out.” Jonghoon whispered into Mark’s ear.  
Mark whimpered, driven by lust, his need to get release. He pressed his hips down with just the right twist and Jonghoon’s tip slipped inside of him. Both boys grunted out their moans.   
“Naughty boy.” Jonghoon breathed out once he’d regained his senses. “Now I need to punish you, don’t I?”  
“Please.” Mark moaned out, rolling his hips as he tried to push the man farther inside of himself.   
Jonghoon tutted once more, grabbing Mark’s legs. He folded the boy nearly in half before he sheathed himself the rest of the way inside the younger man. He set his pace quick from the start, thrusting mercilessly into Mark. Skin slapped against skin as both men cried out, moaning as pleasure rocked through both of them.   
Mark’s hands went everywhere, the pillow above him, Jonghoon’s neck, the blankets beside him, holding onto his legs for support. His hips rocked with the older man’s begging for more, always more.   
Jonghoon’s pace slipped, stuttering, and marking his impending release. He pulled out of Mark and manhandled the younger boy into a different position. On his hands and knees, facing the huge mirror across the room.   
Jonghoon positioned himself behind the boy, licking his lips as their eyes met in the mirror. “Look at yourself.” He breathed out, draping himself over Mark’s back to nip at his ear. “You’re so fucking ravaged, look at the way your cock leaks beneath you. Look at you, shaking to have my cock in you again. Say it.”  
“I want your cock inside of me.” Mark obeyed breathlessly. “Please, Please.”  
“I want you to look in the mirror, watch yourself beg for my cock with my cum all over your face, such a good little boy.”  
Mark whimpered at the praise, and obeyed, taking in his appearance. His hair was disheveled, sticking to his forehead with a mixture of sweat, and the lingering streaks of white cum that painted his cheeks. His tongue darted from his mouth and lapped at some of the liquid resting near the corner of his mouth. Jonghoon groaned.  
Mark was focused on his own face to pay attention what Jonghoon was doing, until he felt the man’s cock thrust unexpectedly back into him and his face twisted with an expression of pure lust. Jonghoon refused to let Mark look at anything other than his own expression while the man’s fingers dug into Mark’s hips and he pounded into him from behind.   
Jonghoon’s release was impending once more, the coil inside of himself tightening. Mark could feel it winding in him as well, trying with all his might to keep it in until he was given permission. Then he felt Jonghoon’s thrusts stutter and he pressed himself over Mark’s back, wrapping an arm around his chest.   
“Cum for me, my sweet.” He commanded. “Cum with me.”  
It was all Mark needed to hear. He let himself go, moaning out, and with a few more stuttered thrusts from the elder, he released. Jonghoon’s cock twitched inside of him, released his cum and coating the condom he wore. Mark’s walls tightened around him, and he screamed out his own release onto the sheets beneath him.   
Jonghoon’s hips continued to move as they rode out their orgasm together. He started to pull out, but Mark whimpered again.   
“No. Please.” Jonghoon chuckled at Marks whimper.  
He eased them onto their sides, cock still imbedded deep in the younger. “Too sensitive?”  
Mark shook his head, closing his eyes as he tried to catch his breath. “Feels nice.”  
“I never figured you to be such a kinky little thing.” Jonghoon chuckled, brushing his lips over Mark’s neck. He hummed pleasurably. “Alright, My Sweet. I’ll let you warm my cock for a while, but soon we’ll need to get cleaned up.   
Mark only hummed, comforted by the warm around around him. They weren’t the ones that he was used to, but they were the ones that wanted him. For now, that was good enough for him. He was sated and full and tired, and despite Jonghoon’s insistence that they would need to clean up soon, the two fell asleep with the older man’s cock still inside of Mark, cum pooled on the bed beside them, and dried across Mark’s face.


	33. 33 - Yall be safe with all that Corona out there

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mark is a smol bean
> 
> Yesung - Jonghoon - is a good man
> 
> DoYoung got jokes

Mark fought consciousness, squeezing his eyes shut. He pressed back against the warmth behind him, grunting comfortably as the arm around him squeezed tighter. The memories of the night before flooded into his mind as sleep broke from him. His eyes flung open and he squinted at the brightness of the morning light in the room.   
“Stop wriggling.” Jonghoon grumbled sleepily from behind him, nuzzling into his neck. “I’m comfy.”  
“I’m crusty.” Mark whined. “And cold.”  
He heard the elder pout from behind him. Mark’s face was itchy and his naked body was cold, despite the blanket that had some point at the night gotten tossed over them. He flushed deeper remembering how he’d begged Jonghoon not to pull out, how he’d fallen asleep with the elder’s cock still deep inside of him. Sometime in their sleep, he’d pulled out. Mark could feel the cum dried between his legs.   
“Want to shower with me, then?” Jonghoon gave a sigh.  
Mark chewed his lip and nodded. Jonghoon chuckled and pressed his lips to the back of Mark’s neck. Mark smiled at the feeling, foreign but comfortable. The feeling of being wanted, cherished. As Jonghoon pulled himself up, Mark rolled over to look at him and smiled sleepily.  
“I’ll go run us some water, then.” Jonghoon connected their lips briefly, tucked the blanket up around Mark, and then disappeared through a door Mark hadn’t noticed before.   
He sighed, pulling himself up and wincing at the ache in his bottom. Once again, he flushed at the memory. He didn’t even have the excuse of being drunk to excuse away such embarrassing behavior. He’d acted a right slut last night. He groaned, dropping his head into his hands.   
“Come, My Sweet.” Jonghoon reappeared at the edge of the bed while Mark was having his crisis.   
He peeked up at the elder, still stark naked, standing above him with a soft smile on his face. Mark pouted and Jonghoon reached down to ruffle his hair. Mark pulled away and swatted playfully at his hand.   
“Want me to carry you?” He teased.   
Mark nodded, reaching up to the older man. He liked being pampered, and Jonghoon seemed to be more than willing. Mark giggled softly, his embarrassment fading away into warm fuzzy feelings as he heled up his arms to the elder.   
Jonghoon pulled him up and Mark wrapped his legs around the man, pressing their bodies together tightly. Jonghoon carried Mark into the bathroom and straight into the shower. Mark barely had time to register how pretty the bathroom itself was.   
“You’ve got to let go now, Sweet.” Jonghoon whispered into his ear over the spray of the water.   
Mark whined, but he dropped his legs down. Jonghoon didn’t let go of him until he was sure that Mark was capable of standing on his own two legs. He pressed a kiss to the top of Mark’s head.   
“How’s the water?” He asked. “Not too hot?”  
“It’s nice.” Mark hummed, letting Jonghoon move him beneath the spray of the water. He was glad to let it run over his face, still crusted with the man’s cum. He scrubbed with his hands.   
Silence fell between them for a while. Jonghoon took the lead, and Mark was perfectly okay with that. He let the older man dollop shampoo into his hair, rub gentle circles on his scalp, tilt his head forward and drop a kiss to his forehead before rinsing the shampoo from his hair. Jonghoon first bathed Mark, soaping every inch of his body, paying particular attention to his sore hole to carefully clean away the mess from the night before. He didn’t start to clean himself until Mark was clean, laughing as the younger man clung to him like a barnacle, making it difficult for Jonghoon to clean himself.   
Out of the shower, Jonghoon sat Mark on the counter and took a towel to him, drying his hair and his body. Mark hummed happily, a wide grin on his face as Jonghoon wrapped a towel around his waist and stepped between Mark’s legs.   
“You sure are smiling widely.” Jonghoon took his comb and started to brush through Mark’s hair.   
Mark tilted his head back and let him, humming. “Of course, I’m happy.”  
“Is that so?” Jonghoon chuckled. “And why’s that?”  
“Because.” Mark giggled, eyes still closed. “I had a really nice date with a really nice man and this morning he’s taken really good care of me.”  
“You like to be taken care of, don’t you, My Sweet?” He heard the amusement darken in the older man’s voice.   
“Mhmm!” Mark giggled and nodded happily.   
Jonghoon pecked their lips together and then pulled away. “Come, let’s get clothes on and go down for breakfast before I lose the ability to keep my hands off you.”  
“If that’s what you want.” Mark hummed, hopping off the counter and pattering after the older man back into the bedroom.   
Mark’s clothes were still on the floor next to the couch. He picked them up and started pulling them back on while Jonghoon pulled something new out of the closet. Jonghoon took his hand, lacing their fingers together as he pulled him back down the spiral staircase.   
“What would you like for breakfast?” Jonghoon asked.   
Mark hummed. “Whatever you want to have.”  
Mark perched on one of the soft cushioned bar stools and watched Jonghoon prepare them breakfast. His mind forced its way back to a similar situation, sitting at Johnny’s counter and laughing with him while he made some extravagant breakfast. Mark frowned momentarily, shaking the memory from his head.   
Jonghoon made them both bowls of cereal, sugary goodness with bananas. It had been a while since Mark had eaten just cereal. The two sat side by side as they finished off their breakfast, talking candidly about their plans for the day.   
Mark ran a hand through his hair and pouted. “I’ve got class in a few hours and I’ve got to work the closing tonight.”  
“Should I drop you off at school, then?” Jonghoon quirked an eyebrow.   
Mark smiled and shook his head. “I need to go back to the apartment first so that I can change into something that doesn’t smell like I had sex in it.”  
Jonghoon smirked, making Mark blush. “I don’t know, I kind of like the idea of you smelling like I just fucked you senseless.”  
Mark choked on his cereal, eyes wide while Jonghoon laughed heartily and patted him on the back. “You weren’t so innocent last night.”  
Mark flushed bright red. “I really don’t know what came over me… I’m not… usually like that.”  
“I liked it.” Jonghoon shrugged. “But, I don’t think we’re going to be doing this again.”  
“Wh…what?” Mark’s heart jumped into his ears. Had he done something wrong?   
“Calm your heart, My Sweet.” Jonghoon pet Mark gently, giving him a soft smile that was meant to be comforting. “You’ve done nothing wrong.”  
“Why?” Mark frowned, shrinking into himself.   
“Tell me, honestly.” Jonghoon leaned his elbows on the table and looked away from Mark with a distant expression in his eyes. “Did you sleep with me last night because you genuinely like me, or did you do it because you were trying to force yourself not to think about someone else?”  
“I like you, Jonghoon!” Mark squeaked up.   
The older man looked at him, but his smile was sad. “Is it enough to like me? When you love someone else?”  
Mark was silent. His mouth opened and closed, but words failed him. After a while, he just sighed and looked down at his hands.   
“How did you know?”  
Jonghoon continued to pat his head gently. It was a comforting feeling. “I’ve been around the block a few times too many, My Sweet. I’ve seen the look in your eyes more times than I’d like to count to know what it means.”  
“I’m sorry…” Mark muttered, guilt eating at the edges of his heart.   
“Don’t be.” Jonghoon breathed out a sigh. “I’m not gonna lie, I’m a bit sad about it. You’re the most fun I’ve had in a long time, and I really think we could be great together.”  
“We could try.” Mark hoped. “I want to.”  
Jonghoon laughed. “I want to as well, but I don’t want to be the only one to fall.”  
“Jonghoon…” Mark pouted, reaching up and taking the man’s hand in his own. “I…”  
“Mark, it’s okay.” Jonghoon squeezed his hand. “We can still be friends, yeah? And if you ever do find yourself moving on, Well, I’ll probably still be here.”  
Mark knew there was no room to argue, but the finality of it made his heart ache in his chest. From moments ago having felt so happy, so wanted, to suddenly this.  
Mark gave a bitter chuckle. “Why do I feel like I’m getting dumped and we were never even dating.”  
“We went on one date.” Jonghoon tried to joke, bringing up the mood.   
It worked enough that Mark cracked a small smile.   
“Alright, then.” Mark dropped himself off the stool, letting go of Jonghoon’s hand. “If this is the way things are going to be, should I catch a bus home or are you going to give me a ride?”  
“I’ll give you a ride, stubborn ass.” Jonghoon laughed.   
They dropped their bowls in the sink and Mark followed Jonghoon back through the house and out to the garage full of cars. This time, he was led up to a shiny blue convertible. Jonghoon hopped over the door to land smoothly in the driver’s side. Mark clapped at the skill, but opened his own door and got in carefully.   
It was almost ten, the sun was shining and it was surprisingly warm for mid-October. Mark was content to let Jonghoon turned on the radio and feel the wind blowing through his hair as they drove through the streets of Seoul. He leaned his head against the door, smiling despite the fact that his insides had him feeling like he wanted to cry.   
Last night had been surprisingly amazing. Mark had been able to have a good time without his every thought being plagued with Johnny. Jonghoon was easy to talk to, and smart, and funny, and despite the fifteen year age gap, Mark felt like the two had a lot in common. Jonghoon was right, the two of them really had the potential to be something. But that wasn’t the only thing that Jonghoon had been right about.   
Mark liked the older man, he really did, but he couldn’t see himself falling in love with him. His heart was just too overwhelmingly Johnny’s, and Mark hated it. He loved the way that Jonghoon made him feel cared about. With every touch, every word, every command, Mark felt like he meant something special to someone. Could he be blamed if the person caring wasn’t the one he wanted it to be? He could.  
They shared a hug goodbye when Jonghoon pulled up outside of the apartment building. Mark jumped out of the car only after making sure the elder promised to contact him again later. Jonghoon waited until Mark was through the front doors of the building before he drove off.   
It wasn’t until Mark started the long, silent walk up the stairwell of the building that the embarrassment really set in. He’d never experienced the thing his high school classmates called “The walk of shame” yet here he was, face flushed and he walked back to his apartment the next morning in the same clothes he’d gone out in.   
He hoped that Doyoung would either still be asleep when he got home or would not be there. The elder had given him a key just before he’d left. He used that to get into the apartment and immediately was assaulted by the offensive smell of freshly baked cookies.   
“Markie?!” DoYoung poked his head out of the kitchen with a wry grin on his face. “Finally coming home, eh? How was he, huh?”  
Mark’s ears burned. He ignored DoYoung’s questions. “Are you baking cookies again?”  
“Morning routine.” DoYoung bounced back into the kitchen.   
Mark followed, looking around. The kitchen looked like it had time travelled straight out of the eighties. There was a very pastel retro feel about the entire set up, all the way down to the retro appliances and the vinyl table and even the black and white checkered pattern of tile on the floor. DoYoung was wearing an apron.  
“This is going to take some getting used to.” Mark muttered.   
“My apron or your new boyfriend’s dick?” DoYoung’s words made Mark choke again.   
“He’s not my boyfriend. It was just one date.” Mark defended.   
“And yet here you are, making the walk of shame?” DoYoung quirked an eyebrow.   
“I’m not ashamed.” Mark ignored the blush on his neck and ears that was giving him away. “I’m going to go change and get ready for university.”  
“Have fun.” DoYoung laughed, already turning around to pull another batch of cookies from the oven.   
“What do you even do with this many cookies.” Mark had to ask before he disappeared out of the room. They had eaten the batch that DoYoung had offered him yesterday, but this was four more than that, and Mark had the feeling this happened daily.   
DoYoung dropped the pan onto the counter to cool. “I take them by the children’s home for the kids every morning.”  
“Oh.” Mark’s eyes widened. “That’s very sweet.”  
DoYoung shrugged Mark off. Mark spun, shuffling into his room to get out of his dirty clothes. His mind was going through all of the things he needed to do that day, to take with him. He only had forty-five minutes until he needed to be down the street at the bus stop or he wouldn’t make it to his first class on time.


	34. 34 - I need to write more but I'm so tired all the time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YangYang is just too cute. 
> 
> Johnny is a mess. 
> 
> Mark, what are you going to do?

Mark was glad that he’d just gotten off his crutches. It made for a very convenient excuse as to why he was limping the entire next day. To both his school friends and his work friends.   
Though he was fairly certain that Yuta didn’t buy the excuse for a second. He kept giving shifty glares towards Mark through the entire shift. When he left and Taeyong arrived, it wasn’t any better. The older boy was blatantly glaring at him. He hadn’t done anything wrong, but he spent the entire shift feeling like he’d done something horrible.   
His nerves had been frazzled going to work that day, wondering how Johnny would react. If they could talk again. Mark didn’t see Johnny. He didn’t come to work for two days. Mark couldn’t even bring himself to ask. It was torture, Taeyong and Yuta looking at him like disappointed parents. DoYoung kept giving him teasing looks and talking about his one-night stand with the singer like it wasn’t making everyone feel uncomfortable. The worst was Ten and Lucas blatantly ignoring the situation as if they couldn’t tell that the first half of the week had been filled with a tension that you could cut with a knife.   
Mark hated everything. He hated limping to school. He hated the way his friends looked at him. He hated waking up in bed alone. He hated cereal for breakfast instead of bacon and eggs and Johnny’s arms around him. Mostly, he hated himself.   
Mark wasn’t limping anymore by Wednesday, but he also hadn’t heard from either Jonghoon or Johnny the entire first half of the week. He had already gotten used to the smell of fresh-baked cookies in the morning, thanking DoYoung distractedly as the elder handed him a bag with a few cookies and snacks for between classes.  
He’d all but forgotten that he’d agreed to meet Jeno again until he was walking out of his biology class and the younger man was standing in the hallway with a smile and a small box of Mark’s favorite chocolates.   
Mark thanked him, tucking the candies into his bag before he started following Jeno out of the building towards the café.   
“I see you’re not on crutches anymore.” Jeno mentioned as they walked.   
Mark nodded. “All healed up.”  
“I’m glad to hear.” Jeno’s voice sounded a little sad and Mark knew that he was probably feeling guilty about having caused the injury in the first place. Honestly, Mark was conflicted about it himself. He knew that he should hate Jeno for what he had done, but he couldn’t find it in himself. He knew now that he no longer loved the younger man, but he still found himself wanting to keep him around.   
Jeno pulled out Mark’s chair for him when they got to the table with their orders. They sat down and Mark sipped his drink. He remembered the bag of cookies DoYoung had given him and pulled one out.   
“Would you like one?” He offered the bag to Jeno.   
The younger smiled carefully and took a cookie, nibbling on his lightly. “These are delicious. Who made these?”  
“My roommate.” Mark responded. “DoYoung.”  
“I thought you lived with Johnny.” Jeno muttered, looking at his hands.   
“Only until I healed.” Mark responded. “Didn’t I already say that?”  
Jeno shrugged. “I’d have thought the two of you would have gotten together already.”  
“It’s not like that.” Mark sighed, running a hand through his hair. “It’s never been like that and it will never be like that.” Mark tried really hard not to turn red at the memory of Johnny’s lips on his skin and how much he really, really wanted it to be like that.   
“Do you not like him, then?” Jeno asked, and Mark couldn’t hear any sound of anger or jealous in the younger man’s voice.   
Mark glanced at him, thinking seriously before he responded. “I went on a date Sunday night.”  
“Oh?”   
Mark nodded. “Someone from the book sign event.”  
“Did you have fun?” Jeno sounded curious, if not a little sad, and Mark felt a pang of guilt in his heart.   
“I did.”  
“I’m glad.”  
“Glad?” Mark’s eyes shot up to look at Jeno.   
The younger man was smiling. It was a sad smile, but a smile nonetheless. He leaned forward, taking Mark’s hand in his own and something kept Mark from jerking away like he’d stuck his hand in a fire.   
“I’m not gonna lie to you.” Jeno spoke softly. “It hurts like a son of a bitch to see you moving on. I know that I should want to see you happy, but it kills me to see you happy without me. But after everything I’ve put you through, I deserve the hurt. And even though it hurts, I’m still happy. I was afraid I’d ruined you.”  
“You didn’t.” Mark muttered, his ears burning.   
“Do you think…” Jeno bit his lip nervously. “That there would ever be a chance…to fix us?”  
“There isn’t an us anymore.” Mark reminded him.   
Jeno nodded, picking at his cookie. “I thought you’d say that.”  
Mark chewed his lip, not knowing what to say after that. Luckily, Jeno had seemed to have redeveloped his old habit of knowing exactly how to best lighten the mood. Within ten minutes the two were sat laughing and chatting as if they had never had the depressing conversation from before.   
Mark hadn’t realized how much time had passed until he heard a familiar voice calling his name from the door of the café. Jeno looked up with raised eyebrows.   
YangYang dropped down in the seat next to Mark, grinning broadly at him. “I was hoping I would find you.”  
“Hello YangYang.” Mark smiled.   
“And who is this?” the German boy turned to Jeno.   
“This is my friend Jeno.” Mark responded. “He doesn’t speak English, so please pay attention to your languages?”  
“Hello Jeno.” YangYang spoke, stressing the pronunciation of every single letter before grinning pointedly at Mark. “I’m a friend of Mark’s. YangYang.”  
“Hello YangYang.” Jeno’s expression was a mixture of confusion and concern which only made Mark giggle more.   
“Anyway.” Mark turned back to YangYang. “Your hair is orange.”  
“Do you like it?” The boy tugged at the strands on his head. “I thought it might make me look cooler.”  
“It does.” Mark reached up and ruffled the boy’s hair. “So, what were you looking for me for?”  
YangYang pursed his lips in thought, as if he’d forgotten, before his expression brightened up once more. “Oh, yeah! Johnny asked me to drop by the coffee shop today. I was going to see if you wanted me to give you a lift up there since I knew you’d be on campus today.”  
“That’s nice.” Mark forced a smile, his heart sinking at the thought of Johnny. He’d gotten used to not seeing him, knowing that the elder would be at work that day set Mark’s nerves on edge. “Thank you, but are you willing to wait for my next class to end?”  
YangYang nodded. “I’ve got nothing better to do.”  
The three of them sat and talked a while longer, until Mark’s alarm buzzed to remind him that it was time to leave for class. YangYang offered to walk with him, saying a polite goodbye to Jeno. Mark smiled carefully at his ex before he walked off with his foreign friend.   
“To be honest.” YangYang said as he stretched his arms above him. “I’m surprised Johnny isn’t coming to pick you up himself.”  
“Why would he?” Mark quirked an eyebrow.  
“Aren’t you two living together?”  
“Not anymore.” Mark muttered. “That was only a temporary situation, until I could find something permanent.”  
“What?” YangYang’s eyes widened comically. “He didn’t ask you to stay? Really?!”  
“Why would he ask me to stay?” Mark frowned.   
YangYang was looking at him like he’d grown a second head. “The only thing he ever talks about his how much he likes having you around.”  
Mark’s stomach sank. He found his eyes glued to the ground.   
“When you told him you were leaving, he really didn’t say anything?” YangYang asked.   
“I…” Mark gulped. “Didn’t tell him I was leaving.”  
“What?!” Mark flinched at the other boy’s loudness.   
Mark shrugged. “I was going to tell him, but he was hungover and I didn’t want to wake him.”  
“Oh, poor Johnny.” YangYang pouted.   
Mark’s stomach twisted. “It’s not that serious. He’s probably happy to have his place to himself again. All I did, really, was get in his way all the time.”  
YangYang was still looking at Mark like he couldn’t believe the words he was hearing, as if he was waiting for Mark to start laughing and tell him that the entire thing was just one big joke. Mark never gave him the relief.   
YangYang sighed when they came to the door of Mark’s classroom. He dropped a hand on the boy’s shoulder and gave a gentle squeeze. “I’ll be out here when you’re done and we can go.”  
“Thank you.” Mark muttered, disappearing into his classroom.   
After the class was over, Mark was relieved that his friend didn’t bring up the situation with Johnny again. He hopped into the passenger’s seat of YangYang’s car and just listened to the cd in the stereo all the way to the shop.   
Mark could feel his fingers trembling as he followed YangYang into the building. His eyes went straight to Johnny behind the counter. He had to look away quickly. Johnny looked like he hadn’t slept since the last time he’d seen him – like he hadn’t been sober since then either. His eyes were dropping and rimmed with red and he was just kind of leaning on the counter as if he couldn’t be bothered with anything.   
He didn’t even smile when YangYang bounded up to him with a bright grin, and when he looked past the foreign boy to Mark, he couldn’t help the feeling that Johnny was looking right through him. It hurt to think, but he tried to ignore it and walk to the back to drop his bag in the break room.   
When he came back out, Lucas was grinning at him and scooped him into a tight hug.   
“Hey, Lucas.” Mark chuckled, prying himself from the larger man’s arms. “What was that for?”  
“Because you looked like you could use a hug.” Lucas’s eyes flashed past Mark towards the coffee shop when he spoke.   
Mark sighed. “Thanks.”  
Lucas nodded. “How are things living with Ten’s brother?”  
Mark chuckled. “It’s…not what I expected. Where is DoYoung? I thought he worked tonight too?”  
Lucas nodded. “He left to take Ten back to their parents house. He’ll be back in a little while.”  
Mark nodded. He tried to focus on his work and not on the sulking, obviously hungover crush in the coffee shop. Mark couldn’t help but glance over every now and then. Johnny was nursing a giant cup of coffee while he spoke quietly about something with YangYang.   
It wasn’t until break time when he found out what it was they’d spent half the shift discussing. Everyone was piled up on the coffee shop counter, including Taeyong and Yuta though neither of them had been on the schedule that day.   
“So we’ve been talking.” Johnny’s voice sounded listless and tired.   
Mark tucked himself into the back, absolutely not hiding from Johnny in the least.   
“About?” Lucas was the one to ask.   
“The Halloween party.” Johnny responded. “It’s tradition every year, but since Yuta moved out of his house and in with Taeyong, we don’t really have a place big enough.”  
“So, Johnny and I have been working out the logistics of having the party at my house.” YangYang’s cheeks flushed pink and Mark pretended he didn’t notice the glances the younger man was giving to DoYoung, who was leaned against the counter a little closer to YangYang than he needed to be. “I mean… I know I’m not an employee or anything…”   
“Neither is Ten.” Lucas pointed out.   
“That’s different.” Yuta pointed out. “He’s your family.”  
“Well, YangYang is my family.” Johnny snapped. “We aren’t going to get a better offer than YangYang’s house. If you’ve got a problem with it, you don’t have to go.”  
“That’s not what I was saying, Johnny.” Yuta frowned at his friend, sharing a look with Taeyong.   
Mark shrunk into himself, guilt eating at his insides. He kept his mouth firmly shut as the others began to discuss the finer points of having a fancy Halloween party. Everything sounded really fun to Mark, but his heart wasn’t really in to planning a party.   
His eyes wouldn’t leave Johnny, and all his heart yearned for was a chance to talk to the older man and to clear the air between them. He didn’t get that chance until the following Friday. It was closing, just the two of them.   
Johnny rubbed at his eyes and leaned against the counter drinking something that Mark thought smelled suspiciously of whiskey. Mark had hovered on his side of the store for as long as he could, going over and over what he was going to say in his mind. He just wanted to wait until the door was shut and locked so that no one could disturb them.   
Johnny had silently brushed past him into the office with the money drawer, not giving Mark a chance to speak to him. But Mark had been ready, counting faster than Johnny and catching him as soon as they were finished.   
“Johnny, we need to talk.” He stood in front of his friend, looking up at him with what he hoped was a confident expression.   
“I have nothing to say.” Johnny moved to push past him, but Mark stepped back in his way. “Get out of my way, Mark.”  
“If you have nothing to say, then at least listen to me.” Mark tried.   
“If you don’t get out of my way, I’ll force you out of my way.” Johnny’s voice was dark, sending a chill of fear through Mark’s spine, but he didn’t believe it. Johnny would never do anything to hurt him.   
“I’m sorry I upset you, okay?” Mark stood his ground. “But are you really willing to end our friendship over this?”  
“You’re the one who abandoned me!” Johnny’s sudden outburst sent Mark reeling back. “You said that you would never let me go!”  
“And I haven’t!” Mark’s voice rose to match his angry friend’s. “Just because I don’t live in the same house as you anymore doesn’t mean I’ve let go.”  
“You left with all your things while I was fucking sleeping, Mark.” Johnny glared at him.   
“And that was wrong of me.” Mark sighed, looking at the ground. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry, Johnny Hyung. I made a mistake, I know that. Please, what can I do to make it right?”  
Johnny kept silent, eyeing Mark carefully as he seemed to be deep in though. Mark waited, looking up at his friend with hopeful eyes.   
“What will you do to make this right?” Johnny asked, humorlessly.   
Mark bit his lip. “Anything.” He said earnestly. “Anything that you want of me.”  
Johnny regarded him with those glazed eyes of his, anger still simmering deep behind them. “Fine. I’ll forgive you.” Johnny finally spoke. “If you suck me off. Right here. Right now.”


	35. 35 - I am so excited about how well received this story has been on this platform.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Johnny is still a mess
> 
> Mark is just glad to have his best friend back
> 
> Also blowjobs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That didn't turn out as expected
> 
> Johnny has emotions
> 
> Mark is just glad to have his best friend back

Johnny was pressed back against the wall with Mark on his knees in front of him. The younger man looked up at the older with wide eyes, palming the growing bulge in the older man’s pants. Mark felt Johnny’s breathing hitch and he looked back down at what he was doing. Johnny’s expression had morphed from surprise to lust-ridden the moment Mark’s hands touched him through his jeans, as if he hadn’t expected Mark to actually do it.   
The elder gasped when Mark unzipped his pants, releasing his erection from its confines. Mark’s body tingled as he glanced around the hallway. The door was locked and it was just the two of them, so there was no chance that they would get caught, but the idea of how public this place was excited him. Nearly as much as the idea of getting to have Johnny in his mouth.   
Johnny’s hands flattened against the wall as Mark wrapped his small fingers around the waiting erection. He gave it a few strokes, listening to Johnny’s ragged moan. Lifting it, and glancing deviously up at the elder, Mark ran his tongue along the bottom of the length from base to tip, dipping his tongue into the slit there.   
“Fuck.” Johnny breathed out.  
Mark would have smirked at the way the elder came undone beneath him, but he was already sliding his lips around the head, letting the heavy weight rest on his tongue for a moment before he swirled I around and then shoved Johnny as far down his throat as he could go. This earned him a loud string of curses from the older man.   
Mark kept one hand on Johnny’s hip, the other wrapping around his base. Mark’s eyes fluttered shut as he started to bob his head up and down. He felt a little pathetic, a little desperate, at how quickly he’d jumped at the chance to get sexual with Johnny again. If the elder wanted Mark to use his mouth to apologize, why should he deny him?   
Mark hummed around the length as he felt Johnny’s fingers tangle into his hair. The elder’s hips thrust forward as Mark continued to suck and for a moment, Mark let the elder take control. He just held on and let Johnny thrust into his mouth until he was forced to pull back and breathed.   
He coughed, spit slicking his swollen lips as he breathed deep, taking a chance to look up at Johnny as his hand kept stroking the elder’s length. Johnny was looking down at him with darkened eyes, his face slack with pleasure. Mark could feel his own growing bulge just in the way Johnny’s eyes met his like electricity through his every vein.   
“Fuck, Mark…” Johnny breathed out, fingers still tangled in Mark’s hair as his chest rose and fell.   
Mark smirked up at him. He licked the tip of Johnny’s erection teasingly, pressing his lips to it but not taking him back into his mouth. He kissed down the underside and took one of Johnny’s balls into his mouth, suckling on it until the elder was whimpering above him once more. Then he did the same to the other, pulling away with a little popping noise. He licked back up and then took Johnny into his mouth once more.   
Mark continued to suck, ignoring everything but the sound of Johnny’s ragged moans in his ears and the feel of his swelling cock in his mouth. He ignored the throbbing in his own pants. He ignored the ache in his jaw and the tickle at the back of his throat. He ignored the hard ground digging into his knees.   
Johnny’s hands tightened into his hair, tugging a little more harshly than was necessary. Mark knew the elder was close and he quickened his pace until he felt Johnny twitch between his lips and his hot release painted the back of Mark’s throat.  
Mark continued to suck Johnny through his orgasm until there was nothing left. When he pulled away, Johnny fell back against the wall breathing heavily, eyes closed. Mark hopped up, ignoring his protesting knees, and disappeared into the bathroom door to quickly spit out the bitter liquid and wipe his face and hands. 

Johnny hadn’t moved from the spot Mark had left him. The wall was his only support as he tried to come back down to Earth. He hadn’t even bothered to tuck himself back into his pants. He really hadn’t expected Mark to do it. Hadn’t expected Mark to be so good at it. Johnny felt like every ounce of sanity he’d had left had just been sucked right out of him through his dick.   
Mark’s soft chuckle brought him back down to the present as the bathroom door swung shut. “You alright?”  
Johnny hummed, finally shoving himself back into his pants. He took a deep breath and then looked at Mark. He had to bite his lip to keep from getting hard again right then and there. Mark was hard in his own pants, lips swollen and glossy, with a bit of Johnny’s cum still clinging to the corner of his mouth.   
“Fuck.” Johnny whimpered.   
“Did you like it?” Mark’s voice was bashful.   
Johnny nodded fervently, grin spreading onto his face.   
“Do you forgive me?” Mark’s next question sent Johnny’s heart sinking right back into the ground. He had forgotten the heaven he’d just felt had been because Johnny demanded an apology blowjob.   
“Shit.” Johnny slammed his head against the wall. “Mark, you’ve got to stop doing that.”  
“Doing what?” Mark was frowning at him.   
Johnny dropped his head and pushed away from the wall. “I should be the one apologizing to you. I shouldn’t have made you do that. I would have forgiven you even if you hadn’t. I’m sorry.”  
Mark ran a hand through his hair. “If I forgive you for asking me to suck your dick will you forgive me for leaving without saying anything?”  
“What?” Johnny blinked.   
Mark chewed his lip, seemed to realize there was something on his mouth. He wiped it with the back of his hand, frowning. Then he looked back up at Johnny, his scrutinizing gaze making the elder want to shrink away and hide.   
“I’m tired of not having you around.” Mark started. “You’re my best friend and I miss you. I’m so tired of whatever is going on between us and I just want it to be over so we can go back to normal.”  
“Normal?” Johnny’s eyebrows rose. He sighed and shook his head. “You’re willing to forgive me for making you have sex with me?”  
“You didn’t make me do anything.” Mark frowned. “If I wasn’t willing to do it, I’d have stopped you.”  
“You told me to stop,” Johnny’s voice was soft, unable to look at Mark anymore, he kept his eyes on his finger, fingers curling into his palms. “I didn’t listen.”  
“Of course, I told you to stop.” Mark ran a hand through his hair again. “You were drunk. I didn’t want you to do something you would regret in the morning.”  
“Regret?”   
“Could you stop repeating everything I say as a question?” Mark’s eyebrow lifted and Johnny couldn’t help but to chuckle at the expression that Mark was giving him.   
Johnny shook his head, leaning back against the wall again. “Sorry.”  
“I just want our friendship back, Hyung.” Mark reached out carefully and took Johnny’s hand. Johnny looked down at the point of contact.   
“So do I.” He heard his voice speak. “I was just afraid that I’d messed things up between us, that you wouldn’t want to be around me anymore.”  
“Why would I not want to be around you?” Mark pouted, looking up at Johnny with those wide, innocent eyes.   
“Because I drunkenly forced myself on you.”  
“I said before that if I didn’t want it, I’d have made you stop.” Mark responded. “I didn’t stop you because it… I… I liked it.”  
Johnny’s eyes snapped to Mark, nearly as wide as the younger boy’s in shock. “What?”  
Mark had a blush splattering his cheeks now, chewing his lip nervously. “It was nice. I liked it.”  
“Liked it?”  
“You’re repeating again.” Mark pouted and Johnny chuckled again. Mark just shook him off and continued to speak. “I’ll admit that I was a little startled when you came on to me. You’re not gay, and I was scared that you’d wake up sober and realize that I was a guy and not your girlfriend. I didn’t stop you because I was being selfish and I liked the way you made me feel.”  
“HaNa broke up with me before I came home.” Johnny spoke slowly. “I was drunk and I was upset and you looked so…” Johnny groaned, trying to think of a word to explain how unfairly, unreally beautiful Mark had appeared, laying in Johnny’s bed with the moonlight casting an ethereal glow on his skin. “I’ve told you before, Mark. I might not be gay, but if it was you, I’d be alright with it. I lost control of myself. You’re so beautiful, it’s just not fair. How am I supposed to keep my hands to myself when you look like that?”  
Mark ducked his head, hiding the blush that was threatening to take over his entire face. “So… you don’t regret having sex with me?”  
“No.” Johnny responded. “I didn’t force you into having sex with me and scare you away?”  
“No.” Mark glanced up at Johnny with a small smile on his face. “So can we go back to being friends?”  
“Yeah.” Johnny returned Mark’s smile, not expecting the younger boy to launch himself into Johnny’s arms the moment he spoke.   
Johnny laughed, hoisting Mark up in the air and spinning him around before dropping him back onto his feet. When the younger pulled away, Johnny ruffled his hair.   
“Hyung?” Mark grinned innocently.   
“What?” Johnny couldn’t keep the smile off his face.   
“Can you give me a ride home?” Mark pouted. “I don’t wanna take the bus.”  
Johnny ruffled Mark’s hair again. “Fine, let’s just finish up here and I’ll take you home.”  
Johnny followed Mark out of the back room, confused about exactly what had just happened. The rush of his orgasm had started to fade, leaving him with a headache and a persistent itch in his veins. He needed a drink, he thought to himself. Had he really just had a conversation about his feelings that hadn’t ended up in an argument? Had they really just talking things out and resolved their problems like adults? Johnny chuckled to himself. He really, really needed a drink.   
Johnny and Mark fell back into a pleasant rhythm as soon as they walked back out into the front of the store. They laughed and joked between themselves as they finished sorting out the rest of the store and getting things ready for the next day.   
Johnny locked the door behind them, his hand on Mark’s shoulder as they trekked the parking lot towards Johnny’s car.  
“It feels strange not to be going back to your house.” Mark admitted, tucking nicely in the warm Porsche.   
“You can always come back.” Johnny shrugged. “If you really miss me that much.”  
Mark chuckled. “I kind of like being responsible for my own place. Besides, living with DoYoung isn’t that bad.”  
“Does he flirt with you?” Johnny chuckled to hide the tinge of jealousy in his stomach.   
Mark chuckled, shaking his head. “Living with DoYoung isn’t like what I expected it to be. He doesn’t flirt with me, but Hyung. He bakes cookies. He owns doilies!”  
Johnny couldn’t help but laugh along with Mark. “But you like it there?”  
Mark nodded, his blonde hair bouncing wildly on top of his head. “The bed is super comfy and I’ve got my own door to the balcony. I do miss your cooking, though, Hyung.”  
Johnny reached over, ruffling Mark’s hair again, having been starved for the touch of his younger friend. “Well why don’t you come over later in the week and I can make you dinner?”  
Mark glanced happily at Johnny, his grin brighter than the sun. “I’d really like that.”  
Johnny’s hand dropped from Mark’s head as he made the familiar drive to DoYoung’s apartment. He left it resting on the console between the two of them, driving with only one hand. He felt something prod at his fingers and glanced over. Mark was poking at his hand, playing with his fingers. Johnny chuckled at the sight.   
“Hyung.” Mark looked up at him.   
“What is it, Markie?”  
Mark’s smile split his face. “I missed you.”  
“I missed you to, My Love.”  
Mark’s face turned red and he glanced out the window suddenly instead of looking at Johnny.  
Johnny chuckled. “You know, if you keep blushing so cutely, I’m going to start calling you that all of the time.”  
There was a silence before Mark finally responded. “Do you really think that I’m cute?”  
“The most beautiful person that I’ve ever seen in my life.” Johnny responded.   
Mark was chewing his lower lip, watching Johnny’s reflection in the window. “Thank you.”  
“I’m not the only one who thinks so.” Johnny reminded Mark. It unsettled his stomach that the blonde would think that he was anything less than illegally attractive. “Didn’t you go on a date recently?”  
Mark’s ears turned red and he squeaked, remembering the date that Johnny referenced. Johnny bit back the jealousy in him once more, not ready or willing to discuss those particular emotions with Mark just yet.   
“Jonghoon and I had a very nice date.” Mark muttered. “But we decided to leave it at just one date.”  
“Oh.” Johnny wouldn’t lie that he was happy to hear that. “Sorry things didn’t work out.”  
Mark shrugged. “I’m alright with it.”  
Johnny just hummed thoughtfully, letting Mark resume playing with his fingers as they enjoyed each other’s silent company until Johnny stopped the car in the parking lot. Mark smiled, hovering in the car, as if he were reluctant to get out.   
“Hyung, message me when you get home?” Mark asked. “So that I know you made it safely?”  
Johnny rolled his eyes, reaching over and ruffling the younger’s hair. “Alright.”  
Mark grinned widely, bidding him goodnight before he disappeared out of the car. Johnny drove home with his head in the clouds and a grin on his face. He’d gotten an amazing blowjob and his best friend back. Plus, he had a brand new fifth of tequila waiting in his kitchen for when he got home. He didn’t forget to text Mark as soon as he stepped inside of his front door.


	36. 36 - Pandas are Cute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy Crap, was Mark being honest about his feelings?!
> 
> DoYoung is such a good boy. 
> 
> Johnny...oh Johnny...

Mark wasn’t expecting to see a dick first thing in the morning. He definitely wasn’t expecting it to be DoYoung’s dick. But here he was, standing with his hand still stuck on his door handle, and that was definitely DoYoung’s dick.   
DoYoung himself didn’t seem to notice Mark, towel wrapped around his damp hair. He seemed to have just gotten out of the bath and had forgotten the towel around his waist. Mark’s jaw dropped as he just seemed kind of frozen, eyes unable to focus on anything other than the length of flesh bobbing between his roommate’s legs.  
“Mark?” The voice drew his attention, but his eyes wouldn’t move.   
“Um.” He muttered.   
DoYoung looked down and gasped, dragging the towel from his hands to cover his crotch. With the offending appendage covered, Mark was able to look away, his eyes meeting DoYoung’s.  
“Sorry about that.” DoYoung muttered, an amused smirk on his face. “I didn’t think you were up yet and I forgot my clothes in the bedroom.”  
“That..” Mark coughed and cleared his throat. “That’s alright. I just… wasn’t expecting…”  
“To see a dick today?” DoYoung chuckled.   
Mark nodded. Doyoung laughed, leaning forward to ruffle Mark’s hair.   
“Just upset that it’s not Johnny’s?”  
Mark sputtered at this, looking at DoYoung with wide eyes. “What?!”  
DoYoung disappeared into his bedroom, leaving the door open. “I’m not stupid, Mark. I can see the way you look at him. Thirsting after people is sort of what I do.”  
Mark’s mouth opened and closed, no noise coming out. At the sound of DoYoung’s teasing laugh, Mark finally found his voice.   
“It’s not even like that.”  
DoYoung came out of his room, pulling a shirt down over his head. He quirked an eyebrow at Mark. “So what’s it like, then?”  
Mark shrugged, following DoYoung into the kitchen. “Complicated?”  
DoYoung was busying himself around the kitchen, pulling out all of the thing he needed to start cookies. It was 5 a.m. and the sun hadn’t even started peaking in through the window yet. It was Wednesday and Mark didn’t have his first class until 10, so he wasn’t sure what had made him wake up so early in the morning.   
DoYoung pulled out a mixing bowl and sat it on the counter, turning to look at Mark with a quirked eyebrow “So are you going to tell me what’s going on?”  
Mark pressed his lips into a thin line. The last thing he wanted to do was admit that he’d slept with Johnny, technically more than once. That would only make the elder tease him mercilessly, and then everyone would know, and Johnny would get teased mercilessly. Mark had just put things right with Johnny. The last thing he wanted to do was screw up their friendship again. Still, the idea of talking about this to someone was appealing.   
Mark sat down on the stool and sighed, propping his elbows on the counter. “I wouldn’t even know where to start, Hyung.”  
DoYoung dropped the flour onto the counter next to Mark and gave him a gentle smile. “Well, it’s been kind of obvious that you had a crush on him for months. Since even before you moved in with him.” Mark was thankful that he chose to phrase it that way, without mentioning Jeno. “To be fair, no one thought that you would actually move out. We haven’t seen Johnny happy like this in a long time. Then suddenly, you’re moving in with me. I thought you liked staying with Johnny?”  
“I did.” Mark looked down at his hands.   
“What changed?” DoYoung asked, headlong into whipping up his morning batches of cookies.   
Mark bit his lip, unsure if he should say it. He settled for “Things got complicated.”  
“What do you mean complicated?” DoYoung asked.   
Mark took a deep breath. “If I tell you, will you swear yourself to silence?”  
“Of course.” DoYoung looked at Mark seriously. “I’m your friend, Mark. If you want me to keep a secret for you, I will. I promise. You can trust me.”  
Mark took another deep breath and closed his eyes. “I slept with Johnny.”  
There was silence. Mark peeked an eye open. DoYoung was staring at him like he’d grown a third head. Mark bit his lip hard enough he thought he might bleed.   
“You…” DoYoung rubbed his ears like he was sure he’d heard wrong. “You and Johnny…had…sex?”  
Mark nodded his head, lip still pinched beneath his teeth.   
“You, Mark Lee, had sex.” DoYoung reiterated. “With hashtag NOT GAY Johnny Suh? Like, penis in butthole sex?”  
Mark’s face flushed bright red, ears burning at the other’s words. “Do you have to say it like that?”  
“Well, am I right?”  
Mark shrugged. “Kind of? I mean… he was drunk and didn’t know what he was doing… I should have…”  
“You should have said no?”   
Mark nodded.   
“Why?”  
Mark ran a hand through his hair. “Isn’t it obvious? Fuck, Hyung. I thought he was still in a relationship. He was so drunk he barely remembered my name.”  
“Ahh.” DoYoung nodded, balancing the bowl of dough on his hip as he stirred. “You wanted your first time to be special.”  
“No.” Mark pinched the bridge of his nose. “That’s the point. If he hadn’t have been hammered, there never would have been a first time. He said so the next day. He would never have done it if he’d been sober. And I knew that. And I could have stopped him. But I was selfish and I didn’t.”  
“Is that why you asked to move in with me?” DoYoung asked.   
“Hey.” Mark pouted. “You offered.”  
“So, is that why you agreed to move in with me?” DoYoung rolled his eyes.   
Mark sighed.  
“I swear to god, if you say it’s complicated one more time, I’m going to hit you with my spoon.” DoYoung narrowed his eyes, brandishing the spoon playfully at Mark.   
Mark chuckled, but it quickly turned into a sigh. “I don’t know, Hyung. It was a lot of things. I felt guilty. Guilty for taking time away from his girlfriend. Guilty for taking up his space. Because he had to do so much to take care of me. I’ve taken so much, and then that happened and I took… I took more from him that he was willing to give.”  
“Yet you have plans to go to his house for dinner?” DoYoung quirked an eyebrow.   
Mark sighed. “Like I said, it’s… aish…” Mark flinched as DoYoung raised the spoon threateningly.   
“You want to know what I think?” DoYoung turned his back on Mark, putting the first batch of cookies into the oven.   
“What’s that?”  
DoYoung stood and turned back to Mark, giving him a soft smile. “I think the both of you are idiots. Hopelessly oblivious idiots. And if you just sat down and were honest with each other and, like, used actual communication, things wouldn’t be complicated.”  
“It’s not that easy.” Mark muttered.   
“It’s only as difficult as you make it.” DoYoung responded with a shrug. “Just tell him you want to talk. Tell him that you have feelings for him.”  
“But I…”  
“Deny it all you want. I know what I see.” DoYoung snapped.  
Mark bit his lip and sighed. “So, what? You just want me to show up at Johnny’s house for dinner and just… say, oh hey, by the way, I’m kind of in love with you and I know you’re not gay but do you think you’d wanna maybe sleep with me again?”  
“If that’s what it takes.” DoYoung shrugged. “But I wasn’t suggesting be that dramatic. Just be honest.”  
“You’re no help, Hyung.” Mark pouted.   
DoYoung laughed. “Well, I’m not exactly the first person people usually turn to for relationship advice. Now, if you want to get him to pound you into a mattress until you can’t walk for three days, I can help you there.”  
“No thanks.” Mark laughed. “I think I probably need to be getting ready for class now.”  
DoYoung laughed as Mark scurried out of the kitchen and back into his bedroom. The elder’s words were on Mark’s mind through his entire shower. Should he really just tell Johnny how he felt? No, right now wouldn’t be the best time to do that. Not when their friendship was still riding on such thin ice. No, Mark needed to make sure that things were solid between them again. He needed to make sure that he wouldn’t lose Johnny as a friend once he admitted that he liked him as more than that. Maybe, he thought, if the dinner they planned that night went well, he would then tell Johnny how he felt.   
Mark grabbed his backpack and bounced out of his room with a nervous smile on his face. DoYoung was still bagging up cookies, one last batch in the oven. Mark paused at the door to the kitchen and called his name with a gentle smile. DoYoung turned around and Mark’s smile turned into a fit of giggles and a genuine grin.   
“Thanks, Hyung.” Mark turned more serious. “For talking to me.”  
DoYoung shrugged, his ears turning red. “We’re friends.”  
“Yeah.” Mark grinned. “We are.”  
“You should go or you’ll be late to school.” DoYoung chuckled.   
“Oh, yeah!” Mark dashed out of the apartment with a laugh. 

“Johnny, get your ass out of bed. It’s nearly noon.” Taeyong’s voice was blaring in Johnny’s ears. He just groaned and rolled back over, hiding his head beneath his pillow.   
The pillow, and his blanket, were both yanked unceremoniously off his body. The cold hit him and he knew that he wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep now.   
“You’re a piece of shit, Tae.” Johnny groaned, rubbing his heavy eyes.   
Taeyong just laughed as Johnny shot him a groggy glare. “You’re the one who ordered this wake-up call. And seriously, dude, you needed it. Do you think I should have been here hours ago? Are you going to have time to get this place cleaned before your date?”  
“It’s not a date.” Johnny sat up, pressing his palms into the side of his head to attempt to quell his headache.   
“Go too hard last night?” Taeyong quirked an eyebrow up, a teasing smirk on his face.   
Johnny shrugged.   
“Come on, get up. Get a shower. I’ll have something ready for you for breakfast and we can get cleaning.”  
Johnny grumbled, but he followed orders and shuffled himself into the bathroom. His shower was short, but effective. He still had his pounding headache, but he didn’t smell so bad and his hair was clean now.   
He stumbled into the kitchen, grabbing a half-finished bottle of whiskey that he’d left on the counter the night before. He took a swig before Taeyong snatched it out of his hands and replaced it with a glass of orange juice and dropped a plate of eggs and toast in front of him on the table. Johnny frowned.   
“Eat.” Taeyong frowned.   
Johnny sighed, but shoved a fork full of eggs into his mouth.   
“Why are you doing this to yourself, John?” Taeyong’s voice came softly. Johnny wanted to ignore it, but guilt edged on his heart.   
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”  
“We’ve been friends since the day you moved to Korea, Johnny.” Taeyong dropped his elbows onto the table. “So, you can cut the bullshit.”  
Johnny frowned, eyes on his eggs. “It hurts.”  
“You don’t have to destroy yourself because of it.”  
“I’m not.”  
“You are.”  
Johnny took a swig of his orange juice, scratching at his arm. “You have room to talk?”  
Taeyong began to frown now, too. “We aren’t talking about me.”  
“No, we’re talking about me. And I’m fine.”  
“But you’re not.” Taeyong responded. “You can act like you are, but you’re not. I had to watch you go down this road once before. Please, don’t make me do it again.”  
“Tae…” Johnny’s voice trembled. He dropped his head down, shoulders shaking. He hated the ache in his best friend’s voice. The fear. And he knew that it was all his fault. He caused this, because he was a fuck up. He ruined all his friendships and he ruined everything with everyone.   
Suddenly a set of arms was around him and he broke. The tears came fast and hard and Taeyong just held onto him and rubbed his back soothingly until there were no more. He pulled back with a deep breath and wiped at his eyes.   
“Thanks.” His voice was rough.  
Taeyong nodded. “Let’s just get this place cleaned up, yeah?”  
Johnny nodded and suddenly it felt like a fog had been lifted from the room. It took barely an hour of cleaning before some music – heavy with bass – was blaring from the speaker and the two boys were throwing cleaning rags at each other while yelling out curses and laughing.  
It lifted Johnny’s spirits, to joke and play with his friend. It felt like high school again, spending the night locked in the pool house at Johnny’s parents and pretending they were grown and lived on their own.   
They cleaned the apartment spotless in a few hours. Johnny had to endure Taeyong’s teasing – “How do you manage to make this place so messy when you have someone who comes to clean it every week?”  
They even finished cleaning in time for Taeyong to accompany Johnny to the grocery once he’d noticed that his pantry was entirely devoid of food. They stocked up and said goodbye after Taeyong helped carry all the bags up.   
He gave his friend one last hug and pat on the back. “Just take care of yourself, Johnny.”  
“I will.”


	37. 37 - I've been listening to alot of kpop stars doing english covers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DoYoung gives good advice
> 
> Mark is honest
> 
> Johnny is just confused

Johnny was bouncing as the clock slowly inched closer to the time Mark was supposed to arrive. His stomach had twisted into nervous knots, as if he were waiting for a date to show up for the first time. He’d tried to remind himself that this wasn’t like that. Mark was coming over so that they could fix their friendship, not so that Johnny could make stupid decisions.   
He shifted out a bottle of vodka and took a shot just to calm his nerves. Then there was the knock on the door. Mark still had his own key, Johnny had given him one, but he was still knocking. Johnny replaced the bottle of Vodka into the cabinet quickly and shuffled to the door.   
He paused in the mirror to check his appearance. He had scrubbed his face enough that the dark circles were a bit less noticeable. He’d thrown some clothes through a dry cycle to bust out the wrinkles. He’d donned some black jeans and a long-sleeved white button up that he didn’t bother to button all the way up. It was comfortable and stylish. But he tried to remind himself that he wasn’t trying to impress Mark with his clothes.   
The door swung open and Johnny’s heart caught in his throat. Mark’s was smiling with his full moon eyes twinkling brightly at him. He’d worn a big, fluffy turtleneck sweater and a pair of light jeans, and a big smile split across the middle of his face.   
“Hello.” Johnny couldn’t help the smile that found its way onto his face.  
“Hi,” Mark grinned. “Can I…. come in?”  
“Oh, yeah, yeah.” Johnny stepped to the side and let Mark step inside.   
He followed the younger into the house, watching him look around as if it were the first time he’d entered. Something about it sent twinge through his heart. Still, he smiled and took Mark by the hand to pull him into the house.   
“So, I haven’t started cooking yet.” Johnny looked a bit sheepish. “Do you mind waiting a while?”  
“Of course not.” Mark grinned, letting Johnny pull him into the kitchen. “It’s weird.”  
“What is?” He dropped Mark’s hand and spun to look at him curiously.   
Mark pulled himself up onto one of the stools and shrugged. “Actually walking around this place, instead of being carried or hobbling around on crutches.”  
Johnny chuckled. “Well, I’m glad that you’re not mobility impaired anymore.”  
Mark laughed as well.   
“Do you want something to drink?” Johnny asked, ever the gracious host.  
“Please.”  
Johnny poured Mark a glass of freshly made sweet tea, and a glass of wine for himself. Wine was healthy, and his nerves really needed it. He smiled at the boy and leaned against the counter, heart thumping at how easy this was. Mark had immediately launched into telling Johnny about some escapades that had happened during his shift that day. Johnny laughed and nodded at all the right times, paying less attention to the story Mark was telling than the way the lights twinkled in his eyes as he laughed.   
Johnny really had it bad, he knew. Mark was everything to him, and he had been for longer than he’d like to admit. He swirled his wine and took a long sip of it.   
“So.” Johnny finally spoke after about the third story of school Mark had finished. “You’ve yet to tell me how your date went.”  
Johnny’s heart twanged uncomfortably at the way Mark’s smile softened and a blush painted his prominent cheekbones. He just continued to smile patiently, scratched at his arm, and took another sip of his wine.   
“It went alright.” Mark chewed his lip, looking at the cup in his hands. “We went somewhere nice to eat, and talked a lot.”  
“Did you go back to his place?” Johnny didn’t know why he asked so teasingly. He didn’t want to know the answer. He didn’t want to see the blush on Mark’s face redden or the way he squeaked in shock and embarrassment in the tell-tale way that showed quite obviously that he had. He didn’t want to know.  
“We decided that we would just stay as friends.” Mark’s words did come as a shock to Johnny and he paused.   
“Oh?” He didn’t want to sound too happy about it. “I thought he liked you.”  
Mark shrugged. “It just wouldn’t have worked out. It’s alright, though.”  
Johnny hummed, unsure what to make of Mark’s expression. He seemed both happy and sad at the same time. Johnny’s smile turned down and he shifted his weight.   
“So.” A long silence had followed and Mark finally broke it. “What’s going to be for dinner?”  
Johnny looked up, the smile back on his face. “How do you feel about pasta?”  
“Great!” Mark’s grin was plastered back on his face and that was all that Johnny really wanted.   
He shuffled around the kitchen, his empty wine glass forgotten on the counter while he pulled out all the ingredients that he would need. Then an idea struck him and he spun to grin widely at Mark.   
“Hey, do you want to help me?”  
Marks’ eyes widened. “I’m no good at cooking.”  
“I’ll show you.” Johnny grinned.   
Mark pouted as he seemed to think about it. Johnny’s heart detangled when the younger boy finally smiled, then twisted back into butterfly knots when he realized how cute Mark’s shy smile was.   
“If it tastes bad, I’m blaming you for letting me help.” Mark teased.  
Johnny chuckled. “Nonsense, you’re going to be an amazing cook. I’ve yet to see you be bad at anything you’ve tried.”  
A blush painted Mark’s cheeks and Johnny’s grin widened. Johnny urged Mark to him. He gave Mark easy tasks with clear instructions while he did some of the harder tasks. It was all very domestic, and Johnny let the warmth settle in his stomach. This was much better than having Mark sit and watch him cook. Johnny danced around Mark while the younger grinned and laughed with him.   
He gave Mark constant encouragement, reminding him how well he was doing. He didn’t miss the way Mark reacted to the praise, either. He stuttered, eyes widened. His face would flush, his breathing would shallow for a moment. Johnny liked the way Mark reacted to his praise. He liked to watch Mark squirm and shuffle and flush.   
“That’s really good, Mark.” Johnny stepped up behind the smaller boy, reaching around him to grab his hands. “Just a little bit thinner.   
In one hand, Mark held a knife and in the other, he held a carrot. Johnny took both of Mark’s hands and helped guide him to slice the carrots the appropriate length. It was entirely an excuse to press his body up against Mark’s, to feel the younger man flush against him and breath in his soft scent.   
“You’re doing great.” Johnny whispered the encouragement into Mark’s ear with each cut. “Good boy.”  
This reaction, Johnny couldn’t miss. Mark’s entire body shuttered against him and the breath he released was closer to a moan and oh. Johnny’s eyes widened and the two of them were standing there quiet as possible, as still as they could be.   
“Johnny Hyung?” Mark’s voice was barely the softest of whispers.   
It shocked Johnny out of his stupor and he released Mark, stepping away from him. He needed to put distance between the two of them before he did something stupid. Mark didn’t turn around, but Johnny could see him trembling.   
“Mark?” His voice shook.   
Mark took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, that reaction was really embarrassing.”  
“You…okay?”  
Mark was still for a moment. He took a few deep breaths and then he nodded.   
“O..okay.” Johnny swallowed. “You can finish cutting the carrots. I’ll start on the sauce.”  
Mark nodded, stepping closer to the counter. He went back to carefully slicing the carrots. Johnny watched him, licking his dry lips. His mind had gone into overdrive, coming up with some of the worst best possible scenarios. He forced himself to turn away from Mark and ignore the daydreams about pushing him into the counter and kissing him senseless while praising him until he was shaking beneath Johnny’s fingers. No, that was not what he needed to think about right now.   
The kitchen was quiet for a while after that, only the sounds of the soft music playing from the speaker in the background, some of Johnny’s favorite eighties music. Survivor. Every now and then, the music would be broken by the sound of Johnny’s voice, telling Mark what needed to be done next. He tried not to notice the persistent blush on the other man’s face or the obvious tent in his jeans that he was trying so desperately to hide.  
“Mark, come here.” Johnny called.   
Mark was by his side in a moment, looking up at him with wide eyes and flushed cheeks. “Yes?”  
Johnny bit his tongue at the sight, fighting back the urge to press his lips to Mark’s. He held up a spoon with sauce on it. “Mouth open.”  
Mark’s jaw dropped, his eyes on Johnny and Johnny felt his stomach stir, realizing just how sexual this whole moment seemed to be. At least, to him. Because he was a pervert. A pervert who got off thinking about his best friend’s mouth.   
He pushed the thoughts from his mind and stuck the spoon into Mark’s mouth with a bright grin. “Taste.”  
Mark obeyed, eyes shutting as he focused on the taste of the sauce. His lips closed around the spoon as he sucked the sauce from it, letting it fall from his mouth in Johnny’s fingers. Johnny watched, his own jaw going slack at the sight and the thoughts that it brought to his mind.   
“Wow.” Mark’s voice was barely a whisper at first. “Hyung, that’s amazing.”  
Johnny shook his head clear and grinned. “Good.”  
“Anything else?” Mark tilted his head innocently and gave Johnny the cutest smile.   
“Set the table while I finish up the food.” Johnny responded.   
Mark nodded and set about his task right away. Only ten minutes later, the two sat at the table with two plates of pasta in front of them. The tension from before had lessened and the laughter had returned when Johnny went to slurp up a noodle and ended up with red sauce splattered all across his nose and cheek. He wiped it off while Mark laughed so hard that he nearly fell out of his seat. Mark hummed happily as he shoved mouthfuls of pasta and sauce into his mouth.   
Johnny grinned like an idiot. He hadn’t been this happy in what felt like forever. Of course, it had only been a few weeks since he’d felt like this. The night he’d come home, messed up, and fallen asleep in the arms of the man that he loved.   
Johnny sighed. “I’ve missed you.”  
Mark paused and looked at him for a moment, a small smile playing on his own lips. “I missed you, too.”  
“It’s not the same without you here.” Johnny twisted some noodles onto his fork. “It’s too quiet.”  
Mark was chewing his lip instead of his food. “When I left, I was so scared that I’d ruined our friendship. I thought you’d never want to speak to me again. I thought I’d never step inside this place again.”  
“You’re always welcome here.” Johnny responded. “No matter what, under any circumstances. You have a key. You can come and go as you please.”  
“Thank you.” Mark smiled. He seemed thoughtful for a moment, and then continued to speak. “I think it’s best that I’ve moved out, though.”  
“I don’t.” Johnny frowned.   
Mark frowned as well, but he shook his head and he persisted. “When Jeno and I broke up, I lost myself. I didn’t know who I was without him, and I realized that I was starting to become that way again…with you.”  
Johnny’s stomach dropped as he listened to his friend’s words.   
Mark continued to stare at his food, pausing to think hard about his next words before he spoke. “I don’t know how to say what I want to say, but DoYoung told me that I need to be honest.”  
“Take your time.” Johnny responded, trying not to betray the nervousness that he felt. “Take as long as you need. I can wait.”  
“You’re kinder than I deserve.” Mark smiled, but it was sad and bitter.   
“You deserve the world.” Johnny responded without hesitation.   
“I’m scared.” Mark responded.   
“What of?”  
“I’m afraid that if I get close to anyone again, I’m going to end up just like before.” Mark spoke slowly. “I’m afraid that I don’t know how to be my own person.”  
“Is that why you left?”  
Mark watched Johnny thoughtfully for a moment. “Partly. I was scared for a lot of reasons. You were so drunk, and I should have made you stop. I could only think that you would regret it when you woke up.”  
“But you didn’t stop me.” Johnny pointed out. “You said it felt…nice.”  
Mark blushed. “It did.”  
“You didn’t regret it?” Johnny’s heart stopped at the thought.   
“I didn’t stop you because I wanted it.” Mark looked away, refusing to look at Johnny. “How could I not have, when you’re…you? When you’re so kind to me, caring, comforting, when you say such nice things to me? I felt so ashamed. Like I was taking advantage of you.”  
“Mark.” Johnny interrupted. “You could never.”  
“Stop being so nice.” Mark glared at him, but there was no heat in it.   
“Sorry.” Johnny’s smile was half-hearted.   
Mark sighed, ran a hand through his hair. “I was scared of how close we were getting. I was afraid that I would lose myself again, afraid that I didn’t even know who I was. I was scared and I ran away, but it was good. Because now I can learn how to be me. It’s different living with DoYoung because there’s nothing there, nothing between us. I won’t lose myself there, like I would have here. The last thing I need right now is to lose myself to someone else.”  
“What are you saying, Mark?” Johnny asked.   
Mark finally turned to look at Johnny. “I’m saying that I want you, and I left because I was scared of how much I wanted you.”


	38. 38 - 40 WHOLE Chickie Nuggies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mark is honest
> 
> Johnny is weak for Mark
> 
> Mark is a good boy

“You…want…me?” Johnny’s eyes were wide and Mark couldn’t bring himself to look at him anymore. Instead, he focused on the empty plate in front of him, wondering when he’d had time to eat all of the food. “Mark? Look at me?”  
“I’m too embarrassed.” Mark muttered.   
“Why?” Mark felt fingers brush against the back of his hand and looked up. His eyes met Johnny’s, but he couldn’t read the other man’s expression.   
Mark sighed, not really knowing what to say. He’d been using the truth so far, so he might as well keep going. He took a deep breath. “I’m embarrassed because I think you don’t feel the same way, and I’m nervous that I’ll mess up our friendship by admitting all of this.”  
“You’re wrong.” Johnny’s words came after a long pause. “On both accounts.”  
Mark jerked his head up to look at Johnny. The other boy was smiling. Johnny moved their seats so that he was sitting just in front of Mark, their knees touching as they faced each other. Mark ran his tongue over his dry lower lip. “Hyung?”  
“Mark.” Johnny started, making sure the younger was looking him in the eyes. “First, I want to make it perfectly clear to you. Nothing, and I mean nothing, that you do can mess up this friendship. I may get mad at you for a while, but I’ll still always forgive you. We’ll always be friends. No matter what.”  
Mark swallowed down the lump in his throat, butterflies fluttering around in his stomach. “Hyung…”  
“Sometimes I think you don’t listen to me.” Johnny chuckled softly. “I recall mentioning before that I’m not gay- “  
“I know.” Mark muttered.  
“Mark. Hush.” Johnny’s voice was stern but soft. Mark blushed and bit his lips, letting Johnny continue. The elder reached up and brushed his thumb against Mark’s cheek. “I’ve told you that you’re the most beautiful human that I’ve ever met.”  
Mark felt the blush rise on his cheeks at the small praise. Why it affected him so much, he didn’t know.   
“I’m not gay.” Johnny continued to speak. “I’ve found guys attractive before, but I’ve never… I’ve never wanted another man the way I want you. I can’t stop thinking about it, ever since that day I kissed you for the first time. I’ve never wanted anyone as much as I want you.”  
“But you’re not gay.” Mark’s words were soft, hesitant.  
“I would be for you.” Johnny responded, cupping Mark’s cheek in his hand. Mark instinctively leaned into the touch. “If you want me to be.”  
“I want…” Mark’s words froze in his throat, his eyes frozen on Johnny’s. What did he want? He wanted Johnny. All of Johnny, his heart, his mind, his body.   
“Tell me.” Johnny’s voice came out as a whisper. “What do you want?”  
Mark bit his lip. “I want you to kiss me.”  
The words barely made it out of his lips before Johnny’s were pressed against his own. Mark whimpered into the kiss, leaning into it like Johnny’s lips were fresh air and he was suffocating without it. Johnny tilted his head, slotting their lips together more comfortably. Mark’s eyes fluttered closed and his hands gripped the sides of his seat tightly, leaning forward into the kiss.   
When Johnny pulled away, Mark chased after his lips. Johnny chuckled, leaning forward to peck Mark’s lips once more. “You’re so cute, Mark.”  
Mark poked out his bottom lip, pouting. “You keep saying that.”  
“Because it keeps being true.” Johnny rolled his eyes and ruffled Mark’s hair.  
Mark glared with no heat behind it. He pushed himself up out of his chair, away from Johnny. He needed space between them. He needed to be able to breathe. He picked up their plates and headed to the sink.   
“What are you doing?” Johnny watched him with a dopey smile on his face.   
“Washing dishes.” Mark responded. “You cooked, the least I can do is help clean.”  
Suddenly, Johnny was behind Mark with his arms wrapped around his waist. Mark tried to his hardest not to lean back into Johnny’s chest and to continue washing the dishes.  
“You helped do the cooking.” Warm breath sent tingles over Mark’s neck, his mind focused on the thumbs rubbing circles on his hips. “And you did so well. It was very delicious.”  
Mark flushed. “Stopthat.”  
“What’s that?” Johnny chuckled softly in Mark’s ear. He dropped his chin down onto Mark’s neck.   
Mark groaned. “Hyung.”  
“You’re so cute.” Johnny nuzzled his nose against Mark’s neck.   
“Hyung.” Mark whined again; dishes forgotten in the sink. His eyes fluttered shut at the feeling of lips against his skin.   
“It’s so cute how responsive you are.” Johnny muttered. “I like making you blush.”  
Mark’s heart thumped in his chest, his face red. Johnny had no idea the reaction Mark was having to his words, to his touches. He whimpered, leaning back into the touch.   
“Hyung.” He breathed out again.   
“Yes, My Love?” Johnny nipped at Mark’s ear, making the younger squeak.   
“You… You’re making me… I want…” Mark stuttered out.   
“Want what?” Johnny whispered, peppering Mark’s neck with more kisses.   
Mark bit his lip. He’d had so much confidence when he’d been with Jonghoon. He’d been able to say what he wanted, take what he wanted. Now, with Johnny, his confidence failed him. He just whimpered and turned around in Johnny’s arms.   
The elder pushed closer, pressing Mark into the counter with a fervent kiss. It was a needy clash of tongue and teeth and when he pulled away, it left them both panting and breathless.   
Mark looked up at his friend, fingers wrapped into the front of Johnny’s shirt. Johnny was smiling down at him, his eyes twinkling with desire and Mark’s voice caught in his throat again.   
“Tell me what you want, My Love.” Johnny whispered against Mark’s lips, pecking him innocently once more.   
“You.” The word breathed out between their lips, swallowed by Johnny’s kiss.   
Mark squeaked into the kiss when Johnny hoisted him up on the counter. Johnny pressed in between Mark’s legs and pulled him closer by the waist. He kissed Mark breathless once more, trailing his lips down Mark’s jawline and neck. His hands rested on Mark’s thighs, squeezing the soft flesh there. Mark gripped the edge of the counter, biting his lip to keep the sounds inside.   
Johnny pulled away, nose resting against Mark’s neck as he breathed hard. He seemed to be trying to compose himself, but Mark had already come undone. He hated how easy it was for Johnny to break him down like this.   
“You know.” Johnny breathed. “As much as I, also, want this. I didn’t invite you over just to get you back in my bed.”  
Mark giggled, arms wrapping around Johnny’s neck with a surge of playful confidence. “Then don’t take me to bed, Hyung.”  
Johnny met Mark’s eyes, hesitant. “I thought you…”  
“I do.” Mark leaned forward to capture Johnny’s lips. “But if you don’t want to take me to bed, what’s wrong with right here?”  
Johnny’s eyes widened comically as he sputtered. Mark only laughed, gaining confidence in the way Johnny seemed to suddenly be the shy one of the two. This, however, did not last long as Johnny seemed to regain his composure.   
“And here I was, thinking you were Vanilla.” Johnny smirked. “And you want me to fuck you on the kitchen counter.”  
Mark squeaked, cheeks flushing. It was true, but hearing Johnny say it so explicitly destroyed the sudden confidence that Mark had. His heart pounded in his throat as Johnny’s hands moved higher up Mark’s thighs.   
“Is that what you want?” Johnny’s voice dropped.   
Mark bit his lip and nodded slowly, suddenly aware of the hardness in his pants that Johnny’s fingers were so dangerously close to touching.   
“Since when were you so kinky?” Johnny teased.   
“I…” Mark tried to hold his voice steady. Johnny was tracing circles against his inner thighs and it was near impossible for him to keep his cool. “I’ve been learning some things about myself recently.”  
“Oh?” Johnny asked curiously, fingertips brushing against the bulge in Mark’s jeans only to pull back away again. Mark whimpered. “Like what?”  
“Hyung.” Mark’s voice faltered. “It’s embarrassing.”  
“Please?” Johnny pressed a kiss to Mark’s jawline. “I want to know so badly. Won’t you be a good boy and tell me?”  
Fuck, Mark thought. Johnny knew. He knew what that did to him and fuck, Mark wanted to be a good boy for Johnny.   
He summed up all the courage that he had left and spoke, even though his voice was shaky. “I like when you say that.”  
“Say what?” Johnny had a teasing smile, a knowing smile. “When I tell you what a good boy you are? So good, so obedient, so brave even though you think it’s embarrassing. You’re such a good boy.”  
Mark shuddered. It was so different than when Jonghoon had said those things to him. With Johnny, it was so much more. Mark really did think he could cum, then and there, just from Johnny’s praise.   
“What else?” Johnny’s breath was ragged against his neck, exposing just how much this was affecting him as well. “Tell me what you like.”  
Mark whined, hiding his face in Johnny’s neck. The elder’s hands had sneaked their way inside Mark’s shirt and his fingers were leaving trails of fire and ice against his skin. “I like… Ilikeitwhenyouordermearound.”  
“A little slower.” Johnny said. “So I can actually understand you.”  
Mark’s ears burned in embarrassment. “I like it when you order me around.”  
“See?” Johnny smiled, nipping at Mark’s neck again. “That wasn’t so hard, now was it? Such a good boy.”  
Mark whimpered again.   
“Tell me more.” Johnny’s voice held a tone of authority to it and send tingles up Mark’s spine.   
He couldn’t bring himself to look up at Johnny, but he did force the words out of his mouth. “I like when you compliment me, and tell me I’m good. And when you take control and tell me what to do. And I like… The other days when you told me to… at work. I like doing that.”  
“Fuck, Mark.” Johnny’s voice trembled. “You don’t know what it does to me when you talk like that. Do you know how sexy you are? How hard it is to keep my hands to myself around you?”  
Mark bit his lip and shook his head. Johnny kept one hand drawing patterns on Mark’s skin and the other he cupped the younger’s cheek, running a thumb over his lips.   
“I dream about your lips wrapped around me.” Johnny whispered. “You’re so good. Like your mouth was made for my cock. Fuck, do you know how many times I got myself off just thinking about those lips of yours?”  
Mark trembled beneath Johnny’s touch, at his breathless words. His erection ached inside of his pants, pressing hard against the rough fabric of his jeans. Fire rumbled low in his belly. Johnny refused to touch him where he wanted, hands roaming everywhere but his needing erection.   
“You look so pretty like this.” Johnny whispered. “All flushed and needy. You’d do whatever I asked, wouldn’t you? You’d be a good boy for me?”  
Mark whimpered. “If you… I’m gonna…”  
Johnny’s eyes widened at Mark’s implication. Then a teasing smirk appeared on his face. “Does it affect you that much?” He asked. “You’ll cum just from this? Just to be told how sexy you are, how beautiful? How good with your mouth? You think you would?”  
Mark whimpered and he nodded. He was already leaking, throbbing in his pants, wriggling his hips just to try for some kind of friction. Johnny’s hands on his hips stilled him though and he whined out.   
“Be a good boy and stay still.” Johnny told him.   
Mark’s entire body went rigid. Johnny smirked.   
“Such a good boy, taking orders so well.” Johnny whispered. “You want it so badly, don’t you? You want to cum?”  
Mark started to nod, but stopped himself before he’d barely moved. “Mhmm.”  
“Say it.” Johnny ordered.   
“I want to cum.” Mark cried out. “Please.”  
Johnny nodded, looking into Mark’s eyes. Mark could see a darkness in Johnny’s eyes, a dangerous excitement that sent another wave of need through Mark’s body. His every nerve felt like it was on fire and Johnny had barely done more that talk to him. Mark was a mess and Johnny was using that to his advantage, and Mark was loving every second of it.   
“Cum for me, then.” Johnny’s breath ghosted over Mark’s ear. “Be a good boy and cum for me. Can you do that for me?”  
Mark whimpered. Johnny continued to breathe out compliments against his skin, overloading Mark with sensations. He was so close to the edge, but it wasn’t until Johnny pressed an innocent kiss to Mark’s lips and whispered a “My good boy.” Between their lips that Mark finally came undone.   
His grip around Johnny’s arms tensed as his entire body shuddered. Even Johnny’s hands on his hips couldn’t keep himself still as he rocked through his orgasm, staining the front of his pants with his release. Johnny just held him through the whole thing, whispering encouragements until Mark had stilled in his arms, head dropped onto Johnny’s shoulder as he tried to catch his breath.   
“Fuck.” Johnny’s voice was unsteady. “Mark, that was…hot.”  
Mark whimpered. “That was embarrassing.”  
“You liked it.” Johnny chuckled.   
Mark hesitated, but then he nodded with a small chuckle of his own. Johnny continued to hold him there for a while, until he finally pulled away. Mark bit his lip as Johnny stepped back and looked at him. He could only imagine what he looked like at that moment, sitting on Johnny’s counter with a white knuckled grip on the marble countertop. His face was flushes, lips probably red and swollen from their previous kisses. His stomach was exposed where Johnny had pushed his shirt up to get as his skin. He could feel hickeys already forming on his neck. Not to mention the dark patch on the front of his jeans where his cum was soaking through the fabric.   
“You’re so fucking gorgeous.” Johnny’s voice cracked.  
Mark didn’t think he could blush any harder than he already was. He slid off the counter, keeping a grip on the edge because his knees were still so weak.   
“I want to have you.” Johnny’s voice was steady but low. “Now. Here. I want you.”


	39. 39 - Good Luck Guys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I usually just write three vague things that happen during the chapter at the beginning here, but I don't really know what to put for this chapter. But I want to thank all of you who have been reading and commenting. I like to hear what you guys think about the story and it makes me feel encouraged to keep going, because I still have so much more in store for this story! Again, thank you all you lovely, lovely readers <3

Johnny watched as Mark slipped off the counter, his words registering to the smaller man. He ached to touch him, to feel him, to taste him. Johnny’s mind was swimming with lust, with desire for the man in front of him. Mark seemed to be waiting for something, watching Johnny carefully.   
Johnny took a deep breath. “Strip.”  
He watched Mark’s eyes widen imperceptibly, but the younger obeyed right away. Johnny ignored the fluttering in his stomach as how eager Mark was to obey. The younger looked nervous, unsure, but so, so willing.   
Mark started with his shirt, tugging it up over his head and letting it fall somewhere on the floor. Johnny licked his lips, taking in all of the exposed skin. Last time he’d seen Mark like this, he’d been too drunk to remember it. This time, he was going to memorize every inch of the younger boy until it was the only thing he knew.   
Socks and shoes discarded; Mark hesitated on his pants. Johnny’s eyes lingered on the stain, vaguely aware that they would need to wash those before Mark went home. He wanted to focus on everything at once. Mark’s flushed face, his trembling fingers as he tugged at the button of his pants, then the zipper and they dropped to his ankles.   
“No underwear?” Johnny gasped.   
Mark flushed a shade deeper, hiding his naked form behind his hands.   
“Don’t do that.” Johnny snapped. Mark’s hands suddenly went to his sides, fingers curling into fists. “Good boy, let me see you.”  
Mark kicked his pants away, leaving himself completely bare in Johnny’s kitchen. Johnny hadn’t been this turned on in his entire life, he was sure of it. His fingers itched to touch, and for once he hadn’t any reason to hold himself back.   
He stepped up to Mark, enthralled by the way the younger boy watched him. He pretended his hands were trembling as he reached out and touched the younger boy. Mark shuddered beneath his touch and Johnny traced every dip and curve of the younger’s body until he found himself on his knees in front of Mark.   
Mark’s hands twitched at his sides, looking curiously down at the elder. Johnny licked his lips. Mark was already hard again, his erection slick with his own cum, and Johnny grimaced at the bitter taste when he took Mark into his mouth. He was much less confident in doing this when he was sober, but Mark’s moans encouraged him.   
The younger leaned back against the counter, holding himself up as Johnny swallowed him down to the hilt and began to move. He kept one hand on Mark’s hip to hold him steady while the other wrapped around his base and pumped as he continued to suck. He pulled away just enough to look up. Mark’s head was thrown back and his eyes clenched tight as he focused on the feelings Johnny was giving him.   
Johnny sucked and licked, not really knowing what he was doing, but trying his best. Spit leaked from the corners of his mouth onto his hand. He pulled his hand away and coated the thick substance around his fingers. Then pressed them against Mark’s hole.   
The younger boy gasped, eyes flinging open at the sudden sensation. Johnny pulled away with a pop and stood up. He pulled Mark into another breathless kiss.   
“Turn around.” He ordered when he pulled away. “Bend over and hold onto the counter.”  
Mark didn’t hesitate to obey, cheek pressed against the cool surface of the counter. Johnny’s eyes raked down the expanse of Mark’s back, his round ass, legs spread just enough to expose his pink hole. Johnny almost whimpered at the sight.   
“Fuck, you’re so gorgeous.” He whispered, stepping up behind Mark.   
He pressed his spit-slicked fingers against Mark’s hole, watching the younger’s reaction. Had he been this pliant, this eager, the first time? Mark’s body shuddered as Johnny pressed his finger past the tight ring, gasping at the heat that pressed around his finger. Mark moaned out, immediately pressing back against the intrusion.   
. “So eager.” Johnny muttered. “Do you want it?”  
“Y…yes.” Mark whimpered out.   
Johnny hummed, pressing further into the younger man, curling his finger, stretching him. He watched as Mark’s body opened for him, legs trembling. Sweat had started to bead on the younger’s back and Johnny had ignored to this point the own need pressing against his pants.   
Two fingers moved inside of the younger boy, stretching him, pulling him apart, breaking him down into a whimpering mess until he was begging. Begging Johnny for more, begging Johnny to be inside of him. He whimpered when Johnny pulled his fingers out.   
“Finger yourself.” Johnny told him, taking Mark’s wrist and moving his fingers back to his own hole.   
Mark squeaked, but again he obeyed. Johnny’s mouth went dry as he watched Mark slide two of his own fingers inside of his hole, pumping and curling his fingers shamelessly. He licked his lips.   
“Stay just like this.” Johnny told him. “I’ll be right back.”  
Johnny nearly tripped over himself as he moved away from Mark. He didn’t want to take his eyes off the younger boy, almost afraid that he wouldn’t be there when he got back. Mark was whimpering, moaning, calling out Johnny’s name as he rode his own fingers.   
Johnny nearly ran to his bedroom, fishing in a drawer for his bottle of lube. When he skidded back to the kitchen, Mark was still where he left him, still with his fingers deep inside of himself. Johnny walked up behind him and gently pulled his hand away.   
He watched Mark shift to look behind him and gave the boy a smirk as he uncapped the bottle and poured some of the lube onto his own fingers. He poured some more directly onto Mark’s crack, watching it dribble between the two mounds of flesh and over his puckered, twitching hole.   
Once more, he pressed his fingers into Mark. Once more, he gasped at the still tight heat that wrapped around him. One finger, two fingers slid easily into the hole with little resistance. Mark rocked back against his fingers and Johnny found himself pressing his lips to every inch of Mark’s skin that he could reach, whispering every good thing he’d ever thought about Mark, every compliment that came to his mind, as if Mark’s body were an alter and Johnny was there simply to worship at it.   
When Mark was whimpered, begging once more, Johnny finally pulled his fingers out. He had somehow gotten out of his own shirt and now he pulled his pants down and kicked out of them, freeing his own neglected erection. He hissed at the cold lube against his hot skin, pumping himself a few times to coat the substance over him.  
He positioned himself and only then did insecurity wash over him. “Are you sure you want this?”  
“Yes.” Mark whined, pressing back against him. “Please. Please, fuck… I want it. I want you. I need you.”  
Johnny’s mouth went dry and he found himself nodding. “Okay. Okay.”  
The heat that surrounded him when he finally pushed inside of the younger man was suffocating. His body draped over Mark’s, pressing kisses to his shoulder and back while the younger’s body trembled to get used to the intrusion. Johnny couldn’t keep still for long, though. He started moving, carefully. He didn’t want to hurt Mark, but the younger didn’t seem to be in pain. Mark was moaning beneath him, gasping out with every thrust that Johnny made.   
Mark’s hands scrambled for purchase against the counter. Johnny lost himself in the feeling of Mark wrapped around him. The feel of the younger’s skin beneath his fingertips as he touched and kissed everywhere he could reach, whispering sweet nothings until his fingers wound around Mark’s erection and he began to pump in time with his thrusts.  
Mark whimpered, screamed, cried out Johnny’s name. Begged until Johnny’s teeth dug into Mark’s neck and suddenly Mark was shuttering beneath him, spilling into his hand. Mark’s body clenched impossibly tight around Johnny and soon he was spilling into the younger boy, gasping and stuttering as he rode out his own orgasm.   
It was intense and breathtaking and surreal and while it seemed to last forever, it also didn’t last long enough. Johnny peppered the spot where he’d bitten Mark with breathless kisses. He chuckled at Mark’s helpless whine when he pulled out.  
“Fuck, Mark.” Johnny laughed breathlessly. “Fuck, that was so good. You okay?”  
Mark only nodded, turning to look at Johnny with a dazed grin. Johnny chuckled. “Come on, let’s go get cleaned up.”  
Mark let Johnny pick him up and carry him into the bathroom. Johnny filled the tub full of warm water while Mark just sat there with a dopey smile on his face. Johnny couldn’t help himself from smiling either. When the water was run, he scooped Mark up and stepped into the tub. Mark giggled as Johnny peppered his face with kisses.  
The water was warm and comfortable. Mark continued to giggle while Johnny cleaned him up.   
“We’ll have to wash your clothes before you go.” Johnny told him, scrubbing shampoo into Mark’s hair because they might as well bathe properly while they were in there.  
“Oh, yeah.” Mark flushed. “Mean.”  
“How am I mean?” Johnny pretended to be offended.   
“You…” Mark’s ears were red. “You didn’t have to say all that stuff.”  
“You mean all of that entirely true stuff about how amazing and wonderful and sexy you are?” Johnny asked. “You’re right. I didn’t have to, but I wanted to.”  
Mark just huffed, leaning against Johnny to cuddle in the water. They continued to bathe, and tease each other, and cuddle, and give each other hand jobs, until the water had gone cold. Johnny got them both out and got them towels and carried Mark into his bedroom, dropping him carefully onto the bed. Mark focused his attention on the stars out the window while Johnny grabbed himself some pants and gave Mark something to wear.   
Mark flushed and thanked him quietly and Johnny disappeared to grab their clothes and put them on to wash. Mark stepped out of the room with a shy smile. Johnny returned it.   
“We’ve got a few hours til the clothes are done.” Johnny held a hand out for Mark. “Want to watch a movie and cuddle on the couch?”  
Mark nodded, damp hair bouncing around his face like a halo. He followed Johnny to the couch and dropped into his arms as Johnny grabbed the remote and pulled the blanket over them. Their actions of just an hour before seemed long forgotten, as if they had never happened. Johnny didn’t know how to feel about the situation, but he was content to sit there with Mark in his arms while they laughed at some stupid variety show Johnny honestly didn’t care anything about.

Mark yawned, resting comfortably on Johnny’s chest. He was glad that his heart had slowed down, but he’d been hardly able to speak due to his own embarrassment. Laughing easily after everything with Johnny in the bath was refreshing. Mark had been afraid that things would be awkward between them, but they weren’t.   
“Markie?” Johnny’s voice distracted him.   
“Hmm?” Mark yawned again.   
“Do you want to take a nap?” Johnny asked. “You seem tired.”  
Mark shook his head against Johnny’s chest. “I have to go home soon, but I just wanna stay like this for a while.”  
He could feel Johnny smiling. “Alright.”  
“Hyung?” Mark bit his lip.   
“Hmm?”  
“Thank you.”  
“For what?”  
“For not freaking out when I told you I wanted you.” Mark muttered.   
He felt Johnny’s lips against his hair and his heart fluttered. “I’ll admit, I was a little startled. I didn’t think you would…”  
“So, what did you think I was doing all this time?” Mark pouted.  
Johnny shrugged. “Just that…”  
“What?” Mark pulled away to look Johnny in the eyes.  
Johnny sighed and looked away. “I was afraid that maybe you…had only been doing this because you still felt guilty about…”  
“Hyung.” Mark pouted. “Yes, I still feel guilty about hurting you and leaving the way I did. But I wouldn’t have sex with you because of guilt.”  
“I know.” Johnny bit his lip.   
“You should have more confidence in yourself than that.” Mark reached up to brush some hair from Johnny’s face. “I had sex with you because I wanted to. Not because I felt guilty.”  
Johnny nodded and smiled. “Thank you, too, Mark.”  
“What?” Mark pulled back. “What for?”  
Johnny gave Mark a blinding grin. “Thank you for being my best friend. For being honest. For not hating me. For… for being the only person in the world that I feel like I can trust and be myself around.”  
Mark’s heart melted. “Of course, Hyung. You’re my best friend, too.”  
Johnny grabbed Mark and pulled him back down into his arms, pressing their lips together. “Best friends forever, right?”  
Mark nodded, ignoring the sinking in his heart. “Best friends forever.”  
Johnny’s grin was once more blinding. He pressed their lips together again. When he pulled away, he chuckled, wrapping his arms comfortably around Mark. Mark settled against his chest. “You know, I really do like sex with you. But I also just like being like this. I like laughing with you and talking to you and cuddling you. Although, I’m not opposed to more sex.”  
Mark found himself laughing. “That’s really lame, Hyung.”  
Johnny scoffed. “But it’s true! I couldn’t think of a friend I’d like to have sex with other than you.”  
“Friends who have sex.” Mark repeated.  
Johnny hummed, the sound of the drier singing in the background. He pressed a kiss to the side of Mark’s head and slipped out from beneath him with a soft smile. “Better go get the laundry. It’s getting pretty late.  
Mark nodded, standing up. He smiled, though his heart wasn’t quite in it, and followed Johnny. He’d follow Johnny where ever the elder wanted to go. Even if that meant Johnny didn’t reciprocate his feelings entirely, that’s what he would deal with. The two did share one more kiss after changing. Johnny drove Mark back to his apartment, and they shared a last kiss before Mark got out of the car and trod up to his own apartment.  
He ignored DoYoung’s curious comments, and the half-dressed person sitting on the couch – a girl this time – to drop himself onto his bed in his own room. He cried that night.


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Johnny and Mark don't know what they're doing.
> 
> Yuta saw DoYoung's peen
> 
> Lucas, you can't say stuff like that!

Things hadn’t changed for Johnny and Mark after the dinner that they definitely didn’t call a date. In fact, if anything, things had only gotten better. In front of the rest of their friends, things were just as normal as they had always been. They weren’t more or less touchy, more or less flirty, more or less anything. But Mark spent more time at Johnny’s after work and they spent more and more of that time naked.  
Mark didn’t know how to feel about the situation. He felt like he should have been upset about it. Upset that the man he loved more than life itself had them firmly situated as friends with benefits. He should have been sad that his feelings were unrequited. He wasn’t. Mark loved the way things were between them. He loved being able to laugh and joke with Johnny. He loved when Johnny would pull him inside his apartment and slam him against the door, kissing the breath out of him before dropping to his knees.  
Mark liked the way things were. There were no “I love you” and there was no hand holding and going on dates. There were no good morning texts or kisses before work. But Mark didn’t mind. Mark had Cappuccinos with dicks drawn in the foam and hickeys beneath turtleneck sweaters and cooking lessons three times a week and he could pretend.  
“Mark, if you’re going to stare into the middle distance all day, you should just go home.” Yuta’s voice drew him from his thoughts.  
Mark leaned against the counter, staring towards the coffee shop where Johnny was taking the order of three college girls who were flirting with him. He turned to Yuta with a grin on his face. “Sorry, I just had something on my mind. Did you need something?”  
Yuta rolled his eyes, but there was a smile on his face still. “You’re lucky you’re cute.”  
Mark blinked, faking his best innocent smile. “What can I do for you, oh merciful and brilliant boss?”  
Yuta chuckled, “Just take these to the back for me?”  
Mark nodded, scooping up the stack of papers Yuta had pointed to. He gave one more glance to Johnny – who had shooed the girls away after giving them their drinks – and Johnny gave him a playful wink. Mark laughed, disappearing through the aisles of books.  
He’d hummed to himself as he twisted through the aisles and into the back of the store, greeting Jaena as she disappeared out of the break room and back to the front. He shifted the weight of the heavy stack of papers onto one arm so that he could pry the door to Yuta’s office open. He had to force it a bit with a box Yuta had shoved too close to the door so that he had room to get in.   
The office was just as messy as it always was and Mark sighed, having to shuffle over some books on the floor to climb around the desk and drop the papers onto the desk. He was still humming to himself when he climbed back through and didn’t notice the shadow in the door until he tried leaving.   
Johnny was standing in front of him. Mark squeaked at the surprise, stepping back as Johnny stepped into the office and shut the door behind him.   
“Johnny.” Mark smiled curiously. “Something up?”  
Johnny smirked, the kind of smirk that send a shiver through Mark’s spine.   
“Whatcha doing in here?” Johnny asked, tilting his head curiously, innocently.   
Mark gulped, flushing at the way Johnny looked at him.   
“Y..Yuta asked me to put away some files.” Mark stuttered.  
“You’re so cute when you’re nervous.” Johnny muttered.  
“Am I?” Mark bit his lip.   
Johnny grunted, fed up with the conversation getting nowhere. Instead, he decided to just take what he wanted. Mark squeaked when Johnny grabbed him, spinning them until Mark’s back was pressed against the closed door. The kiss was forceful and heated and left Mark, like all of Johnny’s kisses did, breathless.   
“H..Hyung.” Mark whispered against Johnny’s lips. His fingers were poised on Johnny’s chest to push him away, but he didn’t make the move to. “What if someone comes?”  
“Let them.” Johnny breathed low, claiming Mark’s lips again. His own hands had taken hold of Mark’s hips, pulling their body’s flush even as Johnny backed him into the door.   
Mark whined into Johnny’s lips, his fingers curling into his shirt to pull him closer. They kissed like that for a while, all the time, Mark’s mind going a thousand miles a minute. What if Jaena came back and heard them? What if Yuta came to his office? How would they explain what they were doing? What if they got caught?  
Johnny chuckled against Mark’s neck, where his kisses had trailed, though he was careful not to leave a mark. “You’re really excited, aren’t you?”  
Mark whimpered as Johnny’s palm pressed against the growing erection in his pants.   
“Hy..Hyung.” He whimpered out.   
“What is it, Markie?” Johnny teased, adding pressure to his hand as he rubbed.   
Mark jerked into his hand, chasing the friction. “What if… what if we get caught?”  
“We might.” Johnny nipped as his ear, fingers tugging on the button to Mark’s pants. “Does that excite you?”  
Mark whimpered, gasping when Johnny’s hand thrust into his boxers and wrapped around him. “Hyung…”  
“Tell me to stop and I will.” Johnny nipped at Mark’s neck as he stroked Mark.   
Mark bit his lip when Johnny pulled away to look him in the eyes. This was his chance to opt out, but how was Mark supposed to tell him to stop when Johnny was making him feel like this? They hadn’t done anything like this before, not since Mark’s apology blowjob when no one else was there. They’d never done anything anywhere their friends might find out. This was new and exciting territory.   
Johnny’s smirk fell back on his lips. Mark whined when Johnny’s hand came out of his pants, but he gasped when Johnny was suddenly on his knees. Mark’s fingers trembled at his sides when Johnny looked up at him with lidded eyes.   
“I didn’t hear a no.” Johnny whispered, tugging Mark’s pants down just enough for his erection to spring free.   
Mark’s teeth dug into his lower lip as he watched Johnny lick his lips. He took Mark’s erection into his hand again, stroking him slowly. Mark’s knees trembled. Johnny’s eyes didn’t leave his. Mark whimpered. Johnny dropped a kiss to Mark’s thigh, kissing up his shaft to his head.   
Mark’s head dropped back onto the door with a thump, his eyes closing at the feelings overwhelming him. As much as he loved to touch Johnny, it seemed that Johnny enjoyed watching Mark come apart at the seams as well. He found his hands twisted into Johnny’s hair while the other swallowed him down.  
Mark whimpered, breathing heavy, his mind clouded by the sensation of his best friend’s mouth wrapped around him. He hadn’t known how loudly he’d begun to moan until Johnny pulled away from him with a small popping sound.   
“Hush, Love.” Johnny cooed. “You don’t want anyone hearing us, do you?”  
Mark shook his head with wide eyes. No, the definitely couldn’t get caught like this. The thrill of the mere idea of them getting caught was enough to have Mark leaking before Johnny even took him back in his mouth. However, Mark was fairly sure that he would probably die if they actually did get caught. Really, he told himself, the chances of getting fired for getting a blowjob in his boss’s office were pretty low at this particular job, but it was still a possibility.   
“Hyung.” Mark bit his lip as he whimpered softly. Johnny hummed around him, sending shocks through his body. Mark could feel tears building at the corner of his eyes, too much pleasure flooding his system. He was too sensitive, unused to having anyone touch him like this until Johnny came along. “Hyung, I’m gonna…”  
Before Mark could finish the sentence, he felt the coil within him snap. Johnny only sucked harder, eyes scrunched closed as Mark’s release spilled into his mouth. His fingers dug into Mark’s hips to keep him from bucking into his mouth until his orgasm had passed him.   
If Mark’s knees hadn’t been weak, they certainly were when his eyes fluttered open to watch Johnny swallow his entire load, licking stray bit from his lips. Mark whimpered, his entire weight on the door because he wasn’t sure that he could stand on his own.   
Johnny chuckled as he stood up, tucked Mark back into his pants, and pecked the smaller boy on the lips. “You alright, there?”  
Mark nodded “Uh huh.”  
Johnny chuckled again, pulling Mark up to stand, helping him balance on his feet until he could hold himself up. Johnny pressed their lips together one more time before reaching around Mark to grab the handle of the door. He swung it open and stepped into the hall without another word said of what had just transpired between the two. As it was.  
“Johnny?” Jaena caught them in the hallway, looking between him and Mark, who had stepped out just after. “Mark?”  
Mark squeaked, hoping that his face wasn’t as pink as he thought it was. “Hi.”  
“Yuta said to come find you guys, we’re having a meeting in the front.” Jaena looked between the two of them. “What were you both doing…in Yuta’s office?”   
Johnny laughed, slinging an arm around Mark. “I had to grab a file off the computer. Mark was sorting some papers.”  
Mark nodded softly, nervous of his blush as Jaena looked curiously between the two.   
“What?” Johnny put on a teasing tone. “It’s not like I was in there bending him over the desk. You don’t have to look at me like I’m a criminal.”  
“Hyung!” Mark squeaked, jumping away and looking at him with wide eyes.   
“Seriously, Johnny.” Jaena rolled her eyes. She pulled Mark to her by his wrist and wrapped her arms around him. He laughed, hiding his face in her neck. “Why must you tease my baby boy? You’re so terrible.”  
“Yeah.” Johnny chuckled, meeting Mark’s eyes with that smirk again. “I’m the terrible one. Come on, you said a meeting?”  
Mark kept hold of Jaena as the entire group walked back out to the front. It seemed like the rest of the employees, even the ones not on shift today, had gathered in the coffee shop. Ten was sitting on Lucas’s lap, curled into him on one of the more comfortable chairs. Lucas wasn’t on shift that day and he’d come wearing some more comfortable clothes.   
DoYoung also wasn’t on shift, and he had shown up in grey sweats and a tank top that showed off his rather impressive arm muscles. YangYang seemed to think they were something as well, because as they rounded the corner, Mark could see his furiously blushing face while he poked at DoYoung’s arm. Mark chuckled.   
“I found the little assholes.” Jaena pushed Mark playfully into the center of the group.   
“Noona!” he whined, tripping over his own feet.   
“Jaena.” Johnny grabbed Mark, steadying him. “That’s mean.”  
“Are you just mad that I’m teasing your boyfriend.” Jaena’s eyebrow quirked up.   
Mark squeaked, but Johnny only laughed. He leaned against the counter and pulled Mark to him, wrapping his arms around the smaller boy. He rested his chin on the top of Mark’s head, freeing a hand to throw a middle finger to the girl.   
“Hyung, that’s rude.” Mark grabbed Johnny’s hand and pushed his finger down.   
“Thank you, Mark.” Jaena smirked victoriously.  
“Okay, if the two of you could stop arguing over who Mark loves more.” Taeyong started – he was interrupted when DoYoung coughed out Johnny’s name – “We have something actually important to talk about.”  
“What’s that?” someone asked.   
“The Halloween party is next weekend.” Yuta responded, hopping up onto the counter next to where Taeyong stood. “We need to decide who’s going to be in charge of what.”  
“And we need to decide our costumes!” Ten perked up from Lucas’s lap.   
“Well, everyone can get my address from Johnny.” YangYang said. Mark didn’t miss the way his eyes flicked to DoYoung. “It’s big enough that you can bring guests if you want.”  
“I can bring everybody?” Jaena asked.   
YangYang nodded. “Of course, I don’t mind all of your polycule coming.”  
Jaena was grinning.   
“As long as Do doesn’t wear the same thing he did last year.” Haechan’s face scrunched up into a terrified espression.   
“What was DoYoung last year?” Mark couldn’t help but ask, somewhat distracted by Johnny’s fingers beneath the hem of his shirt, rubbing circles on his hips.   
“A spartan.” Yuta answered.   
“He showed up in nothing but a loin cloth holding a plastic sword.” Jaena rolled her eyes.   
“No underpants.” Ten giggled. “It was a sight to see.”  
Mark felt his ears going red at the implication. It wasn’t the thought of DoYoung in a risqué costume, but more the memory of a morning a few weeks back when Mark had seen DoYoung in all of his naked glory.   
“Why are you blushing, Mark?” Ten asked. “Does the idea of my brother’s dick embarrass you?”  
Mark sputtered, ignoring Johnny tensing behind him. “What?! No!”  
“Of course, that wouldn’t embarrass him.” DoYoung laughed. “He’s already seen my dick.”  
“Yeah,” Yuta joked. “But who hasn’t seen your dick?”  
“I’ve never seen his dick.” Taeyong spoke up. “Yuta, have you seen DoYoung’s dick?”  
Mark knew the silence that fell on the group wasn’t a good one.   
“Um.” Yuta looked nervous suddenly. “A long time ago.”  
“Oh.” Taeyong was frowning and suddenly DoYoung was staring hard at his feet.   
Mark frowned, unsure of what was going on. He would definitely have to ask DoYoung about it later, but for now he was thankful that Jaena changed the subject.   
“So, if we’re giving people tasks, I volunteer Johnny to bring the alcohol.” She spoke up.  
“Why me?” Johnny whined, his voice rumbling against Mark’s back, reminding him that he was currently using the elder as a back rest.   
“Because.” Jaena shot him a playful glare. “You always have the best stuff in your stash, and you’re good for it.”  
Johnny shrugged. “Well, you’re not wrong.”  
“I can do snacks.” DoYoung spoke up.  
“Ten and I can sort out like, pizza or something?” Lucas offered.  
Mark hummed, watching as everyone sorted out who would be responsible for bringing or doing things for the party. They were interrupted three times by random arguments, and at one point a dance battle to determine whose responsibility it would be to sort out a playlist. Mark ended up offering to come over before the party and help set up the decorations that Taeyong volunteered Yuta to buy.  
“I can come help, too.” DoYoung offered, glancing towards YangYang. “If you don’t mind.”  
“Oh!” YangYang’s ears tinged pink. “Of course not! The more help, the better!”  
Mark chuckled, patting Johnny’s tense arm that still hung around his own middle. Johnny hated the idea of YangYang and DoYoung flirting. Mark thought it was adorable. DoYoung was different with YangYang than he was with the other train of people constantly in and out of his bedroom. Something about the younger boy reduced DoYoung from the suave playboy that he was known to be into a soft, blushing, shy gay baby. Mark thought it was adorable. Johnny thought it was an act. They had argued about it a few times.   
“Well, now that everything is sorted, can I go?” Lucas asked, giving Yuta and Taeyong an exasperated sigh. “I was kind of planning on plowing my boyfriend on my day off.”  
“Lu!” Ten turned around, punching Lucas in the chest. “You can’t just say stuff like that!”  
Lucas shrugged, pulling Ten down to him and pressing a kiss to his cheek. “But it’s true, and you love me.”  
Taeyong sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Fine. All we need to do is make sure that everyone has costumes. Everyone does have a costume, right?”  
Mark flushed. “Um…”  
“Mark and I are going shopping tomorrow afternoon for costumes.” Johnny answered before Mark could say anything.  
“Yeah.” Mark chewed his lip. “That.”


	41. 41 - There's a big storm coming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The boys go costume shopping
> 
> YangYang is both innocent and not
> 
> Mark as a priest is a whole different one shot that I need to write XD

“Thanks for letting me come with you guys.” YangYang perched on Johnny’s couch with a bright smile on his face. His hair had been freshly made jet black and he pulled it off his face with a headband that read GUCCI across the front but that Johnny knew wasn’t really Gucci brand. He also wore a large tee shirt and some blue sweats.   
“Of course.” Johnny dropped down next to him in his standard jeans, tee, and black jacket. He still had half a slice of toast hanging from his face.   
YangYang had woken him up uncomfortably early in the morning to go shopping for costumes, even though Mark still wouldn’t be there for another hour. Johnny had a headache – that was definitely not a hangover – and he didn’t feel like making anything fancy for breakfast. So, a few slices of bread in the toaster and some butter with a glass of milk and some pain meds was more than enough for him.   
“What should I be?” YangYang had obviously had the entire pot of coffee, Johnny decided with a groan. “Should I be something funny or something scary? Oh, something sexy!”  
“Definitely not.” Johnny’s face twisted in disgust at the idea of YangYang in something like what DoYoung would normally wear.   
YangYang pouted. “You know, I’m not twelve. I’m like practically an adult already.”  
Johnny pouted. “You’re still twelve to me, and you’re not wearing anything sexy!”  
“Why not?” YangYang huffed.  
Johnny sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Because I don’t trust some of my coworkers around you.”  
“You mean DoYoung?” YangYang’s eyebrow quirked up and Johnny frowned.   
“He’s a good friend.” Johnny said. “But he’s a player and I just…”  
“Don’t want me getting hurt.” YangYang sighed. “I know. But Hyung, have you ever thought about the fact that maybe I don’t want a relationship with him?”  
“What?” Johnny pursed his lips.   
YangYang just chuckled. “It’s not like I want to date him. I just want him to bend me over the bathroom sink.”  
Johnny choked on his toast. YangYang nearly fell off the couch laughing at the older man. Johnny hit his chest a few times until he was able to dislodge the bread in his throat and looked at his younger friend with wide eyes.   
YangYang seemed to want to change the subject. He tucked his knees up and dropped his head down onto them. “I wonder who all else will be coming.”  
“Well.” Johnny cleared his throat, thankful for the change of subject. “Jaena is going to bring all of her boyfriends and girlfriend. I don’t know if Haechan is bringing anybody, but I think there’s someone that he’s been talking to.”   
“What about DoYoung?” YangYang asked.   
Johnny whined and YangYang only giggled.   
“Okay.” Then, YangYang gave a gentle hum. “I wonder if Mark is going to bring that boy he hangs out with on campus.”  
“What boy?” Johnny asked, trying very hard not to appear as curious as he felt. He hadn’t known that Mark had been spending time with anyone other than their employee friend group. He hadn’t been aware that Mark had an interest in anyone other than him.   
YangYang shrugged. “Just this guy who comes and hangs out with him. I’ve seen him a few times. He’s kind of nice. Likes to bring Mark presents….are you jealous?”  
“No.” Johnny snapped.   
YangYang sighed. “Well, he probably won’t bring him anyway. He seems to always get a bit nervous when I ask about him. What was his name…Jimin? No…Jea…”  
“Jeno?” Johnny asked, feeling as if a bucket of ice water had just been dumped over his entire head.   
“Yeah, that’s the one!” YangYang was grinning, entirely unaware of Johnny’s heart stopping entirely inside of his chest, twisting into the smallest pieces, and burning.   
“Hyung!” Mark’s voice suddenly broke through the wave of nausea and panic and anger inside of Johnny. The younger man had opened the front door – he’d long since stopped knocking – and trounced into the room to drop down on the couch next to Johnny. “YangYang, you’re already here. Great!”  
“Hi, Mark!” YangYang dove into the other male, hugging him tightly.   
Johnny tried to shake the shock of this newest revelation from his system as the two greeted each other. He leaned over when YangYang finally released the blonde and ruffled his hair in greeting. He pulled away more quickly than he usually would and stood up.   
“Alright, let’s all go.” He told the two younger men. “The sooner we get this over with, the sooner I can go back to bed.”  
Mark chuckled, slipping his arm into Johnny’s and pulling him to the door while YangYang bounced around them like a hyper puppy, already assaulting Mark with questions about what kind of costume he should get.   
Johnny drove, Mark in the passenger and YangYang in the back. He’s all but gotten over his shock by the time they made it to the costume store. The two younger men laughing and singing had been able to snap him out of it, if only for a little while. He knew when he was alone again, this would be something that he would turn over and over again in his mind.   
Mark was talking to Jeno. He was lying about still being in contact with the man who had destroyed him, who had broken him and made him afraid of what he could have with Johnny. Johnny swallowed, trying to wet his dry throat. Mark wouldn’t entertain the idea of a relationship with Johnny, he’d said before. Johnny knew there was something between them. He knew it. Mark wanted him. The younger was just too afraid to feel anything more, and that was all Jeno’s fault.   
Johnny shook his head as he got out of the car behind the two hyper boys. He scratched at his arm as he walked up to the front doors, eyeing the spooky decorations surrounding the sliding glass doors. Mark was bouncing, grabbing his and YangYang’s hands and pulling them both inside of the store.   
The inside was massive, every shelf and wall was covered in all sorts of costumes, decorations, accessories. Right in front of the door were the most mainstream costumes, packages containing cheaply made versions of villains from the latest movies. Killer clowns, ice queens, Disney villains. Behind that was a rack of vampire and the standard costumes.   
Johnny found himself laughing at the two younger men as they darted around, excitedly picking things up and looking at them. Johnny felt like a father taking his children to a candy shop. YangYang was the more hyper of the two, bouncing from aisle to aisle and collecting costumes that he wanted to try on, ones that he thought Mark would like, and ridiculous things that Mark was able to pout at Johnny enough to get him to agree trying them on.  
They all found their way to the dressing room, which was just a set of plywood boxes large enough for two set against the back wall, shower curtains hung from rods in the doorways for privacy. One was occupied by a group of high school girls, one was occupied by a mother urging her young son to hurry up. YangYang jumped into the third, and last available changing box with a devious grin.  
“Are you really going to try these on?” Mark asked, eyeing the strange costumes that YangYang had picked out.   
Johnny shrugged. “I’m not going to buy them, but it’ll make him happy to see it, so I guess I can swallow my pride for a few minutes.”  
Mark smiled. “That’s sweet, Hyung.”  
Johnny hummed, looking at the ground. His stomach lurched, but he tried to keep a neutral expression. “Did you get new shoes?”  
“Huh?” Mark’s face held a confused expression for a moment before he understood and held up his foot, twisting it so that Johnny could see his shoes properly. “Yeah, these are new. You noticed?”  
Johnny shrugged. “I was the one who packed up all of your shoes at your old place. I just didn’t recognize those. They’re quite expensive, aren’t they?”  
“Expensive?” Mark pouted. “Oh. I don’t know… They were… kind of, a gift.”  
“A gift?” Johnny tilted his brow in what he thought would appear to be a teasing expression. “From who?”  
Mark’s ears flushed and he looked away from Johnny. “Just… you know… Oh, YangYang!”  
Mark burst into laughter, leaving the rest of his sentence unfinished. Johnny’s heart twisted painfully, wondering if Mark’s words were going to have been a lie or the truth. Those thoughts, however, were knocked entire from his mind when he actually looked up at Mark’s distraction.   
“Do you like it?” YangYang spun, giving them both a proper look of the Minion costume that he’d donned.   
“You look ridiculous.” Mark gasped out between laughs, holding tightly onto Johnny’s arm for support.   
“You’re just jealous.” YangYang pouted.   
Mark shook his head. “Jealous of what? Your ability to make a Minion costume look like a one eyed banana?”  
YangYang jokingly flipped Mark the bird and spun back into the dressing room. A few moments of silence later – Johnny didn’t think he wanted to bring up his previous topic of conversation with Mark and didn’t know what else to talk about. Luckily, he didn’t have to come up with anything because as soon as YangYang stepped back out, he pushed Mark behind the curtain and tossed in one of the outfits that he’d picked for him.   
“You look upset.” YangYang poked Johnny’s arm.   
Johnny tugged away and frowned. “I’m not.”  
“You are.”  
“Shut up.”  
“Asshole.”  
“Jerk.”  
“You’re not helping your case.”  
Johnny huffed, not bothering to make a response. This wasn’t something that he wanted to talk about. Clearly, Mark had not told YangYang the truth about Jeno. He’d not told him the truth either, when he’d asked Mark so many times if he had contact with the abusive bastard. Mark had looked him straight in the eye and lied.   
“Well.” Mark’s voice pulled his thoughts and he looked up, his eyes widening. “What do you think?”  
“Forgive me, Father.” YangYang dipped his head. “For I have sinned.”  
Mark, donning the perfectly fitting priest costume chuckled and played along. “And what is your sin, My son?”  
YangYang bounced back up and gave Mark a wink. “I popped a boner looking at the priest.”  
Johnny choked on air, doubling over coughing with wide, panicked eyes at the two younger. Both of them were laughing at him, leaned into each other. When Johnny caught his breath, he glared up at YangYang.   
“How dare you.” He whined.   
“You’re just jealous.” YangYang stuck his tongue out.   
“Am not.” Johnny snapped. “You’re a baby. You shouldn’t be talking like that!”   
“He’s not a baby.” Mark stepped up. “He’s practically an adult”  
“Betrayer.” Johnny shot a glare at Mark, not realizing the amount of heat that was actually behind his words until Mark’s smile started to slip off his face. Johnny backtracked and sighed. “How dare you both gang up on me. Didn’t anyone teach you to respect your elders?”  
YangYang just laughed it off. “Mark, go change back. I want to see Hyung in one of his costumes!”  
Johnny shot YangYang a glare as Mark ducked back behind the curtain. “Just for that, I’m debating not even trying any of these on.”  
YangYang whined, grabbing Johnny’s wrist and tugging. “But Hyung! You promised!”  
“I did no such thing.” Johnny looked away from the younger man.  
YangYang was pulling his most Aegyo-filled expression and Johnny knew that if he looked at it, he wouldn’t be able to continue pretending to be mad. Okay, maybe he was a little bit actually mad, but not enough for it to matter.   
YangYang whined. “Hyung!”  
“YangYang.”   
“If I apologize for hitting on your boyfriend, will you try on at least one costume?”  
Johnny’s eyes shot to the younger boy, wide, then narrowed with a distrusting pout. “Apologize for being a hoe.”  
YangYang pouted. “Why are you slut-shaming me?!”  
Johnny rolled his eyes. “Why are you being such a drama queen?”  
Johnny didn’t get an answer, because Mark had finally come back out, dressed in his normal clothes, and YangYang had pushed Johnny behind the curtain with one of the costumes in his hands. Johnny sighed when he looked down at it. Because, of course.   
Johnny swallowed his pride, shucked off his clothes, and pulled himself into the vinyl outfit. Johnny owed YangYang this much, he thought. The two had known each other for most of the time that Johnny had been in Korea. The German boy was like a younger brother to him, and had even lived with him for the first few years of YangYang’s high school while his parents moved back to Germany. He could swallow his pride and step out of the dressing room wearing a giant penis costume to be laughed at by his little brother and love of his life for five minutes.   
Rightly, both boys laughed until they were red in the face. Mark even dramatically threw himself onto the floor in his fit of laughter. Johnny stood there, arms crossed for a moment, and then disappeared back into the dressing room to quickly change out of the embarrassing costume. He forbid the others to ever mention the event ever again and resigned himself to standing in the corner while the other two tried on the dozens of costumes they had picked out for themselves.   
It only took another few hours for both boys to settle on a costume – half of one of those hours was convincing Johnny not to get upset because YangYang had picked something risqué – and for Johnny to pick out the accessories for his own costume. He explained to the other two that he already had the clothes to what he wanted to be at his house.   
They left with their outfits and accessories and piled back into Johnny’s car, stopping for ice cream before Johnny dropped them both back off at their own houses. Suddenly, he wasn’t looking forward to this party next week as he thought he had been.


	42. 42 - Halloween is about to begin. Good Luck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's something you know about the supporting cast now.
> 
> Also, I like all of their costumes.
> 
> Also, Haechan brought a date and I bet no one expected that.

The Halloween party approached faster than Mark had really expected it to. He’d hardly had time to speak to Johnny outside of work for the next week. He had tests in four classes, a report due, had been covering extra shifts because Lucas had caught cold, met up with Jeno once more, and had to go back to the doctor for one last check up in regards to his foot.   
Mark hated not getting to talk to Johnny as often, but sometimes it couldn’t be helped. He found himself looking forward to the party more and more, knowing it would be his next chance to get to hang out with his older friend outside of work. He was excited Saturday morning to wake up and go to YangYang’s house to decorate.  
DoYoung had already dropped off his cookies and returned home with a car load full of decorations that he’d gotten from Yuta that morning as well. Mark was dressed in a simple pair of shorts and a sweater with his costume in a bag to change after the decorations had been sorted. YangYang was dressed similarly to him when he opened the door and welcomed them both with a bright smile and a blush towards DoYoung.   
He offered them both some coffee and breakfast, which Mark accepted and DoYoung politely declined. Mark had only been in YangYang’s house once before – they’d hung out once after Mark finished classes when he didn’t have a shift after – and so it was only DoYoung who needed a tour of the massive house.   
YangYang had a gorgeous house. There wasn’t much of a yard, but he had a big front door and a two-story house with a massive open kitchen and living area. There was a game room down a hallway just past the kitchen with a set of sliding glass doors that lead out to a courtyard with a barbeque pit, a pool with a slide, and a deck with a hot tub along with a covered patio full of furniture. Down a different hallway, there was a bathroom and a stair case that lead upstairs to three bedrooms and another bath.   
Mark had sorted himself to dragging the boxes of decorations from the car inside while YangYang showed DoYoung around. He had gotten the entire assortment of boxes and bags inside of the house before the two boys came back in, both flushed and avoiding each other’s eyes. Mark shot them a curious look, but DoYoung shut down any questions by speaking first.   
“So how are we going to do this?” He asked.   
“Split everything up, decide where it’s going to go, then we each take a room and start setting up.” YangYang responded, as if he’d already thought the entire situation out.   
So that’s what they did, pulled out each box and decided where it needed to go, emptied every bag and argued over the best places for some of the items, sorted everything into piles. That only took about an hour, which was good because everyone else was going to arrive in about five hours’ time and it would probably take that long just to get everything set up.   
YangYang happily disappeared down the hallway to decorate the stairs and the bathroom. DoYoung dragged a bunch of things into the kitchen to start there while Mark grabbed a bunch of things and started sorting them through the living room.   
Mark was halfway through hanging a strand of bat shaped lights across the ceiling when he finally turned to look at DoYoung. The older man was spreading fake cobwebs across the cabinets and counters.   
“Do Hyung.” Mark called his attention. “Can I ask you something?”  
DoYoung’s eyes shot toward the hallway with a nervous expression. “What about?”  
“Not about that.” Mark lowered his voice. “Good luck with that, though.”  
“Then what?” DoYougn tilted his head curiously.   
“Something that happened last week.” Mark said. “When we were all discussing the party. I wanted to ask you before, but I didn’t get a chance.”  
“Oh.” DoYoung frowned as he thought back. “You mean the comment from Taeyong?”  
Mark nodded. “I’m sorry if it’s not my place, I just… wanted to understand why everyone got so quiet when he mentioned Yuta and your… you know.”  
DoYoung laughed. “You don’t have to be shy about it. How many times now has Johnny bent you over the bathroom sink?”  
Mark spluttered and nearly fell off the step stool he was using. His face flushed red. “Hyung!”  
DoYoung sighed as his laughter died down. “I don’t mind telling you. It was a long time ago. You see, Yuta and I used to date.”  
“You what?” Mark climbed down off the ladder, figuring that it wasn’t the best place to be for this story. Instead, he grabbed some of the skeletons and started setting them up around the room.   
“Yeah.” DoYoung sounded a bit sad, turning his back on Mark to continue his own work as he talked. “We were together for about five years, actually.”  
“Holy shit.” Mark whispered, and DoYoung laughed a bitter laugh.  
“It was a long time, wasn’t it?” He sighed, layering plastic spiders through his cobwebs. “We broke up the year before Taeyong started working at the coffee shop. Four years ago, now.”  
“Why did you break up?” Mark had paused as he arranged two skeletons to look like they were making out on the couch to look at the elder boy.   
DoYoung leaned against the counter and Mark could see the sadness in his eyes. He also didn’t miss that YangYang was standing in the hallway, just out of the elder’s sight, with wide eyes.   
“You didn’t…” Mark trailed off, eyes meeting YangYang’s.   
DoYoung gave a bitter laugh. “If you’re asking if we broke up because I cheated on him, then no.” The elder wiped at his eyes and took a deep breath before looking Mark in the eyes. “It was Yuta that cheated on me.”  
Mark squeaked out of shock, eyes going back to DoYoung. “Hyung…”  
DoYoung shrugged. “It was a long time ago. We’re friends now. And Yuta is happy with Taeyong.”  
“Was it Taeyong…” Mark asked carefully.   
DoYoung paused. Slowly, he nodded.   
“Hyung, I’m sorry…” Mark bit his lip, not sure exactly what to say. He didn’t want to think badly about any of his new friends, but why would Yuta cheat?   
“Don’t be.” DoYoung responded. “I’m over it. Just…. Just don’t say anything. Yuta… he never told Taeyong that we were together.”  
Mark’s eyes widened. “Wait, Taeyong doesn’t know that Yuta cheated on him with you?”  
DoYoung shook his head. “And I’d like to keep it that way. It’s better for them.”  
Mark pouted. “But that’s not good for you.”  
“I’m fine.” DoYoung stressed. “I realized that actual relationship just aren’t for me. I like the way things are right now much better.”  
Mark sighed, unsure of what to say. But YangYang decided that now would be the best time to jump out from the hallway with a bright smile to let them know that he’d finished the hallway. DoYoung smiled at the younger boy, but it was much more subdued than his previous smiles and Mark was suddenly turning his pitying gaze towards YangYang.   
The younger boy had not been secretive about his crush on Mark’s roommate. He’d at first been worried that YangYang would get his heart broken by the playboy. He’d never imagined that DoYoung’s heart was the one that was broken.   
He let his thoughts travel as they finished decorating the living room and kitchen. There were black tablecloths, light up candles, a Ouija board on the coffee table, other decorative occult objects. By the time they were done, it looked quite spooky.   
The three of them decided to work together to decorate the front of the house, putting up light shows and blow up dragons and werewolves and ghosts. The sky was starting to darken by the time they finished the last touches on the back yard.   
YangYang grinned, shoving them all inside. “Come on, we’ve got just enough time to change into our costumes.”  
“Where are we changing?” Mark asked.  
“Upstairs.” YangYang lead them through the hallway and up the stairs, which had been blocked off with a rather creepy foam statue of an angel with a terrifying face and razor sharp teeth.   
He pushed each of them into a room with the bag they brought their costumes in. Mark sighed, looking around the room. This bedroom had been turned into an art studio. The floor was hardwood, covered in a tarp. There were paintings leaned against walls and a half-finished one on an easel.   
Mark was careful not to disturb anything as he shrugged out of his shorts and sweater and started to pull himself into his costume. He’d decided on a pirate outfit. A pair of dark brown loose pants with a wine cumberbund, high black leather boots, and a black vest. He didn’t have a shirt beneath, but he had been working on his abs lately and he didn’t hate the way he looked. He did try to ignore the leftover scars, pointedly not looking at his body. He glanced in the mirror hanging on the back of the door to sort out his belt and plastic scimitar, and to put on his bandana and his eyepatch.   
When he slipped out of the room, DoYoung was just coming out of the room he’d been forced into. Mark gaped, then started laughing.   
“What?” DoYoung pouted.   
Mark wiped at his eye beneath the eyepatch. “I love the pun, Hyung, but really? That’s all you’re wearing?”  
DoYoung stood in front of Mark wearing nothing but a chef hat, a pair of white underwear, and a silver apron with the letters ‘Fe’ emblazoned on the front with the rest of the period element information for iron as well.   
“I’m the iron chef.” DoYoung gave him a grin. “But it wouldn’t be one of my costumes if I wore proper clothes, would it?”  
Mark chuckled and shook his head, then turned to YangYang’s door, knocking on it.  
“You guys go a head and go down stairs!” YangYang’s voice came from inside. “I’m still going to be a while!”  
Mark shouted out an alright and dragged DoYoung downstairs, giggling. He knew what YangYang had gotten for his costume and how long that it may take him to actually get into the complicated get-up. He was looking forward to seeing DoYoung’s reaction to the outfit.   
The two had barely made it down the stairs when the doorbell rang. Mark darted to it and flung it open, grinning widely at Jaena and her squad.   
“Jinkies.” Jaena grinned, jumping into the room to give Mark a brilliant hug. The entire group were dressed as the Scooby-Doo squad. Jaena was Velma, Taeyoeon was Daphne, Wonshik was Freddie. Mark was introduced to Kevin and Eric for the first time, who were Shaggy and Scooby respectively. “You look good, Markie.”  
“Thanks, Noona!” Mark grinned.   
He stepped aside and let Jaena see what DoYoung was wearing. She just rolled her eyes with an exasperated huff. Wonshik chuckled and gave him a fist bump. The whole group decided to post up in the living room and chat while waiting for the rest of the group to get there. It wasn’t long before Ten arrived with Lucas in tow. Ten was a vampire and Lucas was a werewolf. Mark laughed at how cheesy that was, despite Ten insisting they were wearing couple’s costumes. They were declared Edward and Jacob the rest of the night.   
Johnny was the next one to show, posing threateningly at the door when Mark opened it. He had worn a black suit tailored like it came from the sixties, with a matching trilby and a plastic machine gun. He grinned when he saw Mark.   
“Permission to come aboard, Captain?” He teased.   
“Arrr.” Mark put on his best pirate impression. “But don’t be maken me make ye walk the plank!”  
Johnny chuckled, pulled Mark into a hug, and dropped a kiss to the top of his head, even though it was covered by a red bandana. Mark still blushed, taking Johnny by the wrist. He pulled the elder into the room where he greeted the others who had arrived and joined the conversation easily. Johnny leaned against the couch and pulled Mark to him. Mark leaned against Johnny’s chest, just happy to be close to his friend again.   
Mark expected the hush that came over the room when YangYang finally stepped out of the hallway in his costume. Mark watched DoYoung’s face before he looked at YangYang’s actual appearance. The elder’s jaw had dropped and he looked as if he were in shock. Mark giggled, noticing a similar yet more pointedly upset expression on Johnny’s face.   
YangYang wore a French maid’s costume. He had the white dress that clung to his lithe form with the black corset over the top, the lace petticoat that was only long enough to just barely cover his ass. He wore white stockings with black bows and matching black heels – honestly, Mark was surprised that he could walk in heels that high. He also wore a little black and white lace and ribbon collar tied in a bow around his neck and in his hair he had a similarly tied accessory. It seemed he’d also put on a bit of makeup, including lining his eyes with khol and applying some red lipstick.  
“Holy fuck.” Mark heard DoYoung like the words had been punched out of his gut.   
“If there was a costume contest, you would definitely win it.” Kevin offered, eyes wide as he looked at the younger boy.   
“Yang!” Johnny whimpered. “Whhyyyy???”  
YangYang only gave a shy smile, playing with the lace hem of the apron that sat atop the petticoat. “But…don’t I look cute?”  
“The cutest!” Mark supplied, shooting a quick warning glare at Johnny.   
Johnny whined at Mark, but he ignored him in favor of making YangYang feel comfortable in his outfit. It had taken him quite a while to decide on the rather expensive outfit. He hadn’t been sure at first, because it was a girl’s outfit, but it had looked so cute. Mark hadn’t ever seen someone look so nervous and hopeful as YangYang did when Mark encouraged him to get the outfit. He wasn’t about to let Johnny take the confidence that YangYang had gathered away by making him feel bad about his costume choice.   
He forced Johnny to go off to the door the next time it rang and collect Yuta and Taeyong. Everyone got a wolf whistle when the couple walked in, dressed as Disney’s beauty and the beast. Yuta wore a pretty yellow dress with his hair curled. Taeyong wore a fancy suit and an intricate set of fake fur across his face to make him look like the beast.   
By that time, everyone sorted the food, the snacks, and the alcohol onto the counters in the kitchen. They had pizza, chips and cheese dip, tons of bags of candy, just about every kind of alcohol and mixer that Mark could imagine, and a bunch of other types of snack trays with cheese, meat, veggies, fruits and cream cheese dip.   
Haechan was the last to appear, his knock almost unheard through the laughter and music of the group loudly playing in the kitchen while going in on the snacks. Mark looked up as YangYang led him into the kitchen and saw another man trailing after him.   
“Haechan!” Mark greeted with a smile. “Who’s your friend?”  
Haechan’s blush didn’t go unnoticed by anyone in the group. He was wearing an interesting outfit, something very Victorian inspired but subdued with a navy coat and a collared shirt. He also wore a pair of wire framed glasses and carried an antique looking copy of The Count of Monte Cristo. Ah, Mark thought. Librarian.   
“Everyone, this is my…my friend, Jaehyun.” Haechan’s ears flushed and the quite obviously older man, who seemed to have been dressed as Edmond Dantes, put a hand on Haechan’s shoulder.   
“Hello.” Jaehyun had a pleasant smile and a soft voice. “It’s nice to meet you all.”  
“Jaehyun, is it?” Jaena stepped forward with her lips pursed, leaning against the counter. “How did you meet our little Haechan?”  
“Noona!” Haechan sqeaked, hiding his face. “Don’t.”  
Jaehyun just chuckled. “It’s quite alright, Channie. I don’t mind answering your friends’ questions. I came prepared for an interrogation.”


	43. 43 - I lost my Job

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haechan and Jaehyun are super cute okay?
> 
> Mark um... don't do that?
> 
> Basically, this escalated quickly

“So how did the two of you meet?” Jaena restated her question.   
Mark watched the two share a look with each other. Haechan’s ears were pink, but he was smiling shyly at the older man.   
“We were actually neighbors growing up.” Jaehyun answered her, returning Haechan’s grin. “We lost contact after he moved away, though.”  
“Then how did you meet again?” Ten asked, leaning against the counter next to Mark.   
Haechan’s blush deepened and he stared down at his feet. “Well, I um… I haven’t been doing too well in my math class, so my teacher suggested I get a tutor.”  
“And Jaehyun was the tutor he sent you to?” Jaena asked, eyebrow raised.   
Haechan nodded, his hair bouncing cutely around his head as he hid his face behind his hands.   
“Oh my god.” Ten giggled, smile breaking out across his face. “That’s like, the cutest thing I’ve ever heard. It’s like the start of some kind of romance novel.”  
Haechan spluttered at that. Jaehyun laughed, pulling the younger boy into his chest so that Haechan could hide his embarrassment.   
“You’re in college, then?” Jaena asked, still the tone of overprotective mother in her voice. Mark slid the plate of fruit closer to him and picked up a grape while he watched the interrogation unfold.   
“Yes.” Jaehyun answered. “My major is in Particle Physics and I’m going for a minor in Ancient Chinese Philosophy.”  
Mark was one of the people who gasped out in surprise. He was impressed.   
“How old are you?” Jaena asked.   
“Twenty-three.”  
“Are you aware of how old Haechan is?”  
“He’s nineteen.” Jaehyun responded. “Why does that matter?”  
“I’m the one asking questions.” Jaena responded. “Have you ever been arrested?”  
“No.”  
“Do you drink or smoke?”  
“No and no.”  
“What are your intentions with Haechan?”  
“I’m not trying to get him into bed, if that’s what you’re worried about.” Jaehyun responded coolly, despite Haechan’s whimpers of embarrassment. Jaehyun took a deep breath and looked directly at Jaena as if he wasn’t even afraid of her at all. “I know that you’re only concerned about him, but I promise you, the last thing I’d ever want to do is hurt him. I’ve never been as happy as I am when I’ve got Channie by my side. His happiness is the most important thing in my life. I could wax poetic about how much he means to me all night, if you want.”  
Jaena stared at him for a moment and it seemed like the entire room was silent, waiting with bated breath to see what her verdict would be. After what seemed like a very long, tense, moment, she smiled.   
“Fine.” She spoke. “But if you do hurt him, even if you don’t mean to, I will destroy you.”  
“I’ll deserve it.” Jaehyun responded.   
“Okay.” Taeyong spoke up with a hesitant smile. “Now that that’s over, can we all just have a fun party?”  
Cheers of “Let’s party!” Rang out through the group.   
Mark was happy that the tense atmosphere had disappeared. The party seemed to get into full swing after that. Several people disappeared back into the living room with drinks and plates of snacks. Some people hovered in the hallway and made their way into the back yard. They would only have about an hour or two of private party time before the masses of other party-goers would arrive and a proper house party would get going.   
Mark decided that he was going to hang close to Johnny for now, having missed him quite a lot over the last few days. Johnny, however, seemed to be unable to stay in one place very long. Mark didn’t know if it was because he was trying to avoid Mark for some reason, or if he was trying to avoid YangYang.   
Johnny had downed his third glass of tequila by the time strangers had started to arrive. Mark was leaning against the counter sipping on his coke while the inebriated man next to him shot daggers across the room at the German boy in the cute dress. YangYang didn’t seem to notice as he was too busy giggling cutely at something DoYoung was saying while the elder was leaned against the wall.   
“You know.” Mark brushed his arm against Johnny’s. “You should just let him do what he wants.”  
“Not if what he wants is DoYoung.” Johnny pouted.   
“He’s not as innocent as you think he is. He knows how to handle himself.” Mark responded.   
Johnny sneered. “DoYoung may be my friend, but I know how he is. He’s not capable of treating YangYang the way he deserves.”  
“That’s a decision YangYang needs to be able to make for himself, Hyung.” Mark offered. “If he wants to be with DoYoung in a relationship, or for a night.”  
“Oh gods.” Johnny ran his hands over his face. “I don’t want to think about that!”  
“It’s not like he’s a virgin, Hyung!” Mark egged him on. “You know that, right?”  
“What?!” Johnny nearly spilled his drink, turning to Mark with wide eyes.   
Mark smirked a little, amused at Johnny’s reactions. “I thought you’d have known, YangYang’s been nude modeling at my school. That’s what his special project with that teacher, Yoongi, is. To be honest, I’m fairly certain Yoongi’s been bending YangYang over the bathroom sink for a while now.”  
Johnny’s face turned red as he sputtered, looking back and forth from YangYang to Mark. He looked down into his cup and then poured the rest of it down his throat before he disappeared out of the kitchen and towards the back of the house. Mark laughed.   
The party was in full swing by nine, the house packed nearly shoulder to shoulder. The living room couch had been pushed to the side, skeletons looking more like they were having sex on the couch instead of making out, to make room for a makeshift dance floor. People were making out against the hallway walls, in corners, dancing as loud music played through the entire house. It could be heard even into the back yard where people danced around the pool, lazed and talked in the patio furniture. A few people had even braved throwing off their costumes and jumping into the hot tub.   
Mark had let Johnny disappear into the throng of people and let himself be pulled into the atmosphere of the party. He’d never been to a house party before, but he’d seen them on television and in movies plenty of times. He was interested to find that it was almost exactly like what the movies showed.   
He found himself on the dancefloor for a while, talked loudly over the music with a few people he recognized from school, danced with a boy who had a cute face and blue contacts, and somehow ended up with a fruity glass of something extremely strong. The room buzzed around him and he was full of energy, dancing with everyone that was willing, laughing loudly. The blue-eyed boy from before took him by the hand and lead him out the back hallway and into the backyard. He was laughing, ears ringing, the pretty boy pushed him against the wall and kissed him. He returned the kiss until they both broke apart, laughing wildly. They kissed again, drunk and sloppy.   
“What’s your name, Cutie?” The blue-eyed boy spoke into his ear.   
“Mark.” He giggled, arms wrapped around the boy’s neck. “What’s yours?”  
“Taemin.” The boy nipped at Mark’s neck, making him squeak out and start laughing again.   
“It’s nice to meet you, Taemin.” Mark grinned, eyes dancing over the rest of the back yard. “Oh, that’s not good.”  
“What’s it?” Taemin asked, releasing Mark to try and see what it was the younger was looking at.   
Mark pointed across the courtyard, tucked in a corner behind a bush. Two people, someone in a pretty yellow dress and someone in just a pair of white underpants, were leaned in close together. Mark couldn’t tell if Yuta and DoYoung were talking, or kissing, but they were definitely doing something.   
“Why’s that not good?” Taemin asked, leaning heavily into Mark’s side.   
Mark giggled when Taemin’s hand slipped in the back of Mark’s pants, groping his bare ass. “That’s my friend, but that’s totally not his boyfriend. Where is his boyfriend?” Mark pouted, looking around. In fact, where were any of the people he actually knew? Oh, there was Johnny, Mark grinned. He was coming towards the two. Taemin’s hand slipped out of Mark’s pants and he leaned casually against the wall.   
“Hyung!” Mark giggled.  
“Mark.” Johnny wasn’t smiling. “Are you okay?”  
Mark nodded fervently, tripping as he pushed himself away from the wall. He latched onto Johnny’s arm for support, giggling. “I’m drunk.”  
Johnny shot a look at the boy Mark was with, who nodded disinterestedly at him, his eyes were still on the two people Mark had pointed out to him.   
“Where’s Taeyong?” Mark asked.   
Johnny shrugged. “I thought he’d be up Yuta’s ass.”  
“Nope.” Mark giggled. “Yuta’s over there making out with DoYoung.”  
Johnny’s eyes widened, turning to look at where Mark was pointing. He groaned. “Mark, come on. You need to sober up.”  
Mark nodded, falling into Johnny’s side. He turned back to the pretty blue-eyed Taemin and waved happily at him. “It was nice to meet you, Taemin!”  
“Same.” Taemin smirked at him, licking his lip.   
Mark let Johnny lead him back towards the house. “You know.” He mused. “If I didn’t like getting bent over the bathroom sink by you so much, I might have actually let him take me home.” 

This was more than Johnny could handle. He wasn’t drunk enough for this party to fall apart like this. YangYang and DoYoung had gotten into an argument about god only knows what while Johnny was ignoring some chick in a cat costume trying to talk him up. YangYang had slapped DoYoung across the face and stormed off up the stairs. DoYoung had cursed and ignored Johnny as he stormed off out the back door. He hadn’t seen Taeyong and Yuta in who knows how long and assumed that they had either gone upstairs or back to their own house.   
He hadn’t expected to walk out the back door to find Mark sucking face with some stranger. He definitely wasn’t drunk enough to be okay with that. The way that Mark clung to him when he came over, as if he hadn’t just broken Johnny’s heart right in front of him. DoYoung and Yuta making out, though, that was the thing that made the least sense about the entire situation. Yuta was nothing, if not infinitely faithful to Taeyong.   
Johnny steered Mark back into the house, tensing at the younger’s words. He sighed.   
“You’re drunk.” He told the younger. “Since when do you even drink?”  
“Since Taemin gave me a cup of whatever that delicious blue stuff was.” Mark giggled. He was such a giggly drunk.   
Johnny bit his lip and looked around the living room, finally spotting someone he could trust. Ten and Lucas were sitting on the couch with the skeletons, chatting and sipping their drinks like responsible adults. Johnny pulled Mark over to them and dropped him between the two of them. .  
“Could you guys babysit him for a bit?” Johnny asked. “There’s another situation that I’ve got to deal with.”  
Lucas looked up at Johnny with wide, innocent eyes and nodded. Johnny nodded and spun back around to head right back out the back door. He dodged Jaena, who was having a conversation with Taeyong while Kevin nuzzled into her side. He darted around the back, towards where Mark had pointed out Yuta and DoYoung.   
“I can’t do this, Yuta.” DoYoung’s voice was just loud enough for him to hear, so he darted behind a wall. He couldn’t see them, but he could hear them just fine.   
“You can.” Yuta’s voice was low, soft. “You know you want this, why can’t you just give in?”  
“What about-“  
“Does he really matter?” Yuta cut DoYoung off. DoYoung whimpered.   
Johnny threw a hand over his mouth, shocked by the conversation that he heard. This really couldn’t be happening. There was no way. Taeyong would be destroyed.   
“Things aren’t as easy as they used to be.” DoYoung’s voice was barely a whisper. “Things can’t be the way they were for us in the beginning.”  
“It doesn’t have to be like what he had.” Yuta said. “It can only be for tonight.”  
“I won’t want just tonight.” DoYoung argued. “Don’t you get that? If I do this, if we do this, I won’t be okay with just tonight.”  
Johnny couldn’t listen anymore. He rushed away the way that he came, back around the house and to the front door. He stumbled, bumping into Taeyong. His friend grinned up at him.   
“Hey, Johnny.” Taeyong took a swig of the bottle of beer in his hand. “Are you having fun?”  
Johnny nodded, tense.   
“Hey, have you seen Yuta?” Taeyong asked.   
Johnny shook his head. He knew he was lying, but he couldn’t tell Taeyong. He would be devastated. It seemed he didn’t have to, though, because Taeyong’s eyes widened over Johnny’s shoulder and he turned around to look at what Taeyong had seen. Yuta, stepping out from behind a bush with his hair a mess, followed by a disheveled DoYoung. Yuta had DoYoung’s chef hat on his head and was sorting the other boy’s apron onto him as the two of them laughed.   
“Tae…” Johnny started, turning back to his friend.   
“No.” Taeyong shook his head, pushing Johnny off and disappearing into the house.   
“Fuck.” Johnny ran his hands through his hair, messing it all up. This was too much. He wasn’t drunk enough for this shit. Drunk, that’s what he needed. He spun around until his eyes landed on the door, but before he could make it in, Yuta and DoYoung walked up to him.   
“Johnny!” Yuta grinned. “Have you seen Taeyong?”  
Johnny just pointed to the door, giving up on everything. He silently followed the two men into the house, through the throng of people, into the kitchen. The guy Mark had been practically eating outside was now laying on the counter shirtless with a shot of some kind of alcohol resting in the hollow of his chest. Johnny forced himself to ignore the painful gasp from Yuta as they recognized the person sprawled over said boy, licking the alcohol off his skin, to be Taeyong. He stepped through the cheering crowd, grabbed a half-full bottle of Jack Daniels, and disappeared out of the kitchen.   
Mark was suddenly at his side again. “Hyung, is everything okay?”   
Johnny shook Mark off him with a frown. “I need to get some air.”  
He ignored Mark’s frown as he chugged straight from the bottle and then forced himself through the crowd and up the stairs.


	44. 44 - I spent the whole day on the couch cause Dr. Fritztopher Stubbily Nubbins MD wanted to cuddle (that's one of my 6 cats)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lucas has an idea
> 
> Mark confronts Johnny
> 
> Everything went to hell

Mark frowned as he watched Johnny disappear up the staircase. He had made to follow, but something else entirely had distracted him. The pretty boy from earlier was being cheered as he made out with someone on the kitchen counter, alcohol spilled between their bodies. Mark watched, interested in the public display. Haechan and Jaehyun rushed past him and out the front door. Yuta stumbled back, tears in his eyes, with a wide eyed DoYoung next to him. Then Mark saw it. Oh. Oh.   
Mark stumbled forward and grabbed Taeyong by the back of his shirt, tugging him until his lips were disconnected from Taemin’s.   
“Hyung!” He whined. “What are you doing?!”  
Taeyong pushed Mark off, the younger boy stumbling back in his still drunken state. “Leave me alone, Mark. I’ll do what I fucking want.”  
“But what about Yuta?” Mark’s voice fell on deaf ears as Taemin smirked at him and pulled the other man back down on top of him.   
Mark turned to find Yuta, but the other man had already disappeared. DoYoung was also nowhere to be seen. Mark sighed, running his head through his hands. He spun around, trying to find anyone he knew, anyone who wasn’t in some kind of situation. How did everything get this bad this quickly? Mark had been having so much fun! No, suddenly, it felt as if the world were caving in around him.   
“Calm down, Mark.” A familiar voice fell into his ear and warm, strong arms surrounded him.   
“It’s okay, Markie.” Another familiar voice spoke.   
Mark allowed himself to turn around in Lucas’s arms and let the boy scoop him up. Lucas followed Ten through the crowded living room and out the front door. Ten sat down on one of the steps leading up to the house. Lucas dropped down with his back resting against the pillar that supported the roof. Mark was in his lip, head resting on his shoulder.   
Ten reached over and took his head. “Take a deep breath, Markie.”  
Mark tried, but his chest felt too constricted to breathe. Tears stung at his eyes and his lungs felt cold. Like ice had settled inside of them.   
“You’re about to panic. You need to calm yourself.” Ten tried again, squeezing his hand comfortingly.   
“Do you want to talk about it?” Lucas asked.   
“We all saw it.” Ten snapped at Lucas. “Why would he want to talk about it?”  
Mark sighed. “Everything got all messed up.”  
“It’ll be alright.” Ten responded. “Everyone will spend tomorrow hungover and then they’ll all talk out what happened, and everything will turn out fine.”  
“I don’t think it will.” Mark whispered against Lucas’s neck. “I fucked up. DoYoung and Yuta were making out. YangYang was crying. Yuta was crying. Haechan left. Taeyong is fucking somebody on the kitchen counter!”  
Lucas flinched, but just kept rubbing soothing circles on Mark’s back.   
“Johnny pushed me and ran off.” Mark finally muttered, when he was able to control himself once more.   
“I’m sure he didn’t mean to push you.” Ten responded. “He was probably just overwhelmed with everything going on.”  
“Or he was-“  
“Lucas.” Ten shot him a warning look.   
Lucas shrugged, petting Mark’s hair. Ten continued to speak softly.   
“Haechan is with Jaehyun, and you saw how much that man adores him. So, you don’t have to worry about him because he’s protected.” Ten responded. “YangYang will be alright. He’s tougher than you think and a stupid argument with my idiot brother isn’t going to change that.”  
“As for Yuta and Taeyong, those two were meant to be together. They’ll work themselves out in the end.” Lucas responded.   
“Johnny hates me.” Mark whimpered.   
“Why would he hate you?” Ten pouted. “You’re his best friend. He loves you more than anything.”  
“He doesn’t.” Mark whimpered. “He doesn’t love me.”  
“Why is he mad at you?” Lucas asked.   
“Because I was making out with that boy Taeyong is fucking.”  
“They aren’t fucking.” Ten responded. Mark didn’t know if that were true or not. He hoped it was true and that Yuta and Taeyong were working things out. That DoYoung and YangYang would stop being idiots. That Johnny wouldn’t have looked at him like he’d just pulled the still-beating heart out of his chest.   
“Where did Johnny go, Mark?” Ten asked.   
Mark sniffled. “He ran upstairs.”  
“He’s probably…”  
“Lucas.” Ten snapped again.   
“No, Ten.” Mark pulled himself up, slipping off Lucas’s lap to sit beside him. He’d cried enough at this point that he felt a lot more sober. “I want to hear what Lucas has to say.”  
“He’s just being stupid.” Ten answered, shooting a glare at Lucas. “It’s not anything you should entertain.”  
“I still want to hear.” Mark bit his lip, nodding for Lucas to continue.   
The boy shot a nervous look at his younger boyfriend and then turned back to Mark. “I think Johnny Hyung is doing drugs.”  
“Drugs?” Mark asked, dumbstruck.   
Lucas shrugged. “Yes.”  
“Why?”  
Lucas bit his lip, not looking anywhere in particular as he seemed to be in deep thought. “It’s hard to explain. It’s just. In the way that he acts, the way he looks, the way he talks.”  
“What do you mean?” Mark felt a twisting in his gut at the implication of Lucas’s words.   
“He disappears a lot when he’s on shift, just for a few minutes at a time.” Lucas’s words were slow, careful.   
“Because he’d going to the bathroom.” Ten offered an explanation.   
“Sometimes he comes to work and he acts like he hasn’t slept in three days.” Lucas spoke again. “But some days he comes to work and he act like he’s already had fourty three espressos before he even got there.”  
“So just because he has nights he doesn’t sleep well and some nights when he wakes up energized, you think he’s on drugs?” Ten shot back.   
“He scratches his arm a lot.” This time it was Mark who spoke and Ten looked at him with shocked eyes. Mark hung his head. “When I lived with him, he was going into the back room a couple times a day. He told me I wasn’t allowed back there because it was a mess and I was on crutches. Sometimes he’d stay back there for hours, sometimes only a few minutes. A lot of the time, he would cook me food but never eat any himself, always said he didn’t have an appetite.”  
“So?” Ten asked. “None of that really means that he’s on drugs.”  
“Ten.” Lucas frowned, his expression serious. “I know you don’t want to hear it. I know you look up to Johnny Hyung. But, Ten, he’s got the look. The one mom had…”   
Ten swallowed, staring at his hands. Mark was silent, not sure exactly how to respond, if he should respond.   
Ten looked up at Mark, chewing his lip with a defeated expression in his eyes. “Mark, do you think you could talk to him?”  
“Talk to him?” His throat suddenly felt very dry.   
Ten nodded. “I know that Johnny’s got a drinking problem. Not even you can deny how often he comes to work still smelling of whiskey.” (Mark looked down at his hands, because this was something he’d known.) “But I don’t think that he’s doing drugs. Still, there’s no one that he trusts more than you. If you talk to him about what’s going on, I’m sure that he’ll tell you.”  
Mark shook his head. “I don’t know…”  
“Please?” Lucas asked. “It’s not like we’re asking you to stage an intervention. Just… We all know there’s something wrong. We just think… you’re the person he’s most likely to talk to.”  
Mark sighed. “Okay.”  
“Really?” Ten perked up.   
Mark nodded. “He’s my best friend, and you’re right. I can’t just pretend like there isn’t something wrong when there is. I’ll go talk to him.”

Johnny was sitting on the floor of the bathroom upstairs, running his hands through his hair. He was dizzy, the world blurred, and tears streaked down his face. Everything was going to hell, and Johnny could barely be bothered with the idea that his friend group – his coworkers – were ruining themselves downstairs. That was fine, he was ruining himself up here. Pathetically sobbing because his world had fallen apart.   
Not even realizing that Mark was still seeing Jeno had hurt as much as actually seeing him wrapped in someone else’s arms. He’d thought Mark wanted him. He’d thought they meant something. He’d been so stupid. Of course, Mark wouldn’t love him.   
The knock on the door scared him. He wiped at his eyes furiously, trying to dry the tears there. “One moment!” He called out.   
“Hyung.” Mark’s voice chilled his heart to the core. “Can you let me in?”  
“No.” Johnny hoped his voice didn’t waver.   
“Hyung!” Mark sounded like he was on the verge of tears and it twisted like a knife into Johnny’s heart.   
The door clicked open and Mark stepped inside. Suddenly, the bathroom didn’t feel quite as spacious anymore. Johnny kept his eyes on his feet.   
“Hyung, is everything alright?” Mark asked, stepping forward.  
Johnny took a step back. “I’m fine. I just drank too much and needed to come sober up.”  
“You…always drink too much.” Mark’s words were muttered under his breath, but Johnny still heard them. Is that why you won’t love me? The thought pushed its way to the forefront of Johnny’s mind.   
“I’m sorry.” Johnny just hung his head.   
“Hyung, is everything okay?” Mark asked. “Really? I mean, not like are you too drunk.”  
Johnny looked up at him with a frown. “I don’t know what you mean.”  
“Hyung, I know you’re keeping something from me. Just, what is it? Why are you drinking yourself to death like this? Why are you up here crying? What aren’t you telling me? Are you… are you doing drugs?”  
“Drugs?” His heart stilled as if it had been dumped in a bucket of ice water. “You seriously think I would be doing drugs?!”  
Mark stepped back when Johnny’s voice rose, staring at him with those wide, innocent eyes. Johnny hated the fear and the concern that he could see in them. He hated that he felt this way. He hated.   
“What does it even matter if I’m hiding something?!” He was overcome with a rush of anger that came on so suddenly Mark hadn’t had a chance to speak. “Aren’t you hiding something from me, too?”  
Mark looked small, shaking, and guilty. “Wh…what?”  
“You lied to me, Mark.” Johnny crossed his arms over his chest, hoping that it would help keep his heart inside his ribs. “You lied to us all. Did you think I wouldn’t find out?”  
“You…know?” Mark licked his lip nervously, playing with his fingers.   
Johnny nodded. “YangYang told me.”  
“It’s not what you’re thinking.” Mark started, his voice wavered.   
“How do you know what I’m thinking?!” Johnny snapped.   
Mark flinched and Johnny didn’t have it in himself to care. He towered over Mark, until the younger boy was pressed back into the wall next to the door. His hand fisted in Mark’s vest, pulling him forward threateningly.   
“You don’t know anything about me.” Johnny spat in his face, ignoring the tears stinging at the edges of both of their eyes. “You come up here, after everything, you accuse me of…of being an alcoholic, an addict! Fucking… Pathetic.”  
Johnny spun, pushing Mark into the bathroom and ignoring the way the younger stumbled onto the floor when he lost his footing. He didn’t want to think anymore. Fury pulsed in his veins.   
“If you want to go make out with half the people down there, go.” Johnny watched Mark only through his reflection in the mirror. “If you want to go back to that bastard who broke you in the first place, be my guest. But next time you get hurt, don’t bother coming to me.”  
“Johnny…” there were tears in Mark’s voice, but he ignored them.   
“I thought I could trust you, Mark.” Johnny’s voice was as shaky as the breath he took. “I’m sorry I was wrong.”  
“Johnny, wait!” He shut the door as he stepped out of the suffocating heat of the bathroom.   
His gaze fell into an open bedroom door as he walked past it. YangYang sat in the middle of his bed, he had a pillow in his lap and tears stained with mascara running down his face. Johnny paused. YangYang met his eyes.   
“For what it’s worth.” Johnny shifted his weight from foot to foot. “I really did think you looked very pretty in your costume.”  
YangYang wiped his eyes. “Thanks, Hyung.”  
Johnny nodded, wiping his own eyes. He disappeared out of the house before anyone else could say anything to him.


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everything has gone wrong
> 
> DoYoung and Mark have a heart to heart
> 
> Yuta is broken

Mark watched Johnny go with tear-stung eyes. He sniffled, wiping at the tears. “Goddammit, Hyung.” He muttered under his breath and then hissed in pain.   
When he’d fallen, his arm had scraped across the sharp corner of the counter. He whimpered, taking a look at the damage. There was a nasty red scrape, already bluing on the edges, and a small red line oozing blood.   
Mark pulled himself up off the floor and grabbed a few pieces of toilet paper to hold against the wound. When he stepped out of the bathroom to the sound of pounding music, the first place he decided to go was YangYang’s room. He had seen the boy in there earlier.   
YangYang didn’t see Mark enter, he had changed into a pair of black pants and an oversized shirt, his costume on the floor in the corner. He was drying his face with a towel and Mark cleared his throat to get his attention. YangYang jumped and turned around.   
“Hey.” Mark smiled sheepishly. “Do you have a first aid kit?”  
YangYang’s eyes narrowed, but then widened when he realized that Mark was holding his arm. He pulled him into the room and sat him down on the bed.   
“What happened?” He asked, pulling a small box from beneath his bed.   
Mark moved the toilet paper from his arm, watching the fresh blood drip from the cut. YangYang tore open an antiseptic wipe and started to clean up the scratch, waiting patiently for Mark to begin speaking.   
He spoke with a soft sniffle and a sigh. “I had an argument with Johnny. He pushed me and I got hurt when I fell.”  
YangYang squeaked. “He hurt you?!”  
Mark shrugged. “He didn’t mean to, I don’t think. He just…He’s really angry with me right now.”  
“Why?” YangYang carefully placed a patch of gauze over the cut.   
“Because.” Mark watched him tape the gauze in place and step back to inspect his work. “He found out that I talked to Jeno.”  
“Why…would he be mad about that?” YangYang stumbled over his words in the tell-tale way that Mark knew meant YangYang was the one who had told. He wasn’t angry with his younger friend, though.   
He just sighed. “You remember when I had to borrow those crutches from you? When we first met?”  
YangYang’s face paled. “Jeno…he…he did that to you?”  
Mark nodded, licking his chapped lips. “He was my ex. He was abusive. Johnny helped me get out of the situation.”  
“So why are you going on dates with him?” YangYang frowned.   
Mark sighed, dropping his head to the ground. “They aren’t dates. And I know that I shouldn’t be entertaining him. But, he… He’s gotten himself into treatment for his anger. And he’s been so nice. I… I just wanted to talk to him, a couple times. You know, for closure. I told him we weren’t ever getting back together.”  
“I’m sorry.” YangYang sighed, dropping onto the bed next to Mark. “If it helps, I’m a liar, too.”  
“What do you mean?”  
YangYang sniffled, pulling his feet up onto his bed and wrapping his arms around his knees. “I said I only wanted DoYoung to bend me over the bathroom sink.”  
“But you’re practically obsessed with him.” Mark pursed his lips.   
YangYang sighed and sniffled. “I know.”  
“What happened?” Mark asked.   
YangYang shrugged. “I told him the truth and he told me he didn’t want anything to do with me. We fought and he ran off.”  
“Oh.” Mark sighed. “I asked Johnny if he was doing drugs.”  
“Is he?”  
“I don’t know.” Mark frowned. “He just got really angry about Jeno and stormed off.”  
“Sorry.” YangYang sighed.   
“I guess you’re done with the party, then?” Mark asked.   
The other boy nodded. “I was just going to hang out up here until everyone left. I don’t want to kick everyone out when people are still having fun. It’s barely even past midnight.”  
“Do you want some company?”  
YangYang shook his head. “I’m sorry, I’d really rather be alone right now.”  
“Okay.” Mark slowly stood up, chewing his lower lip. He hated to see his friend in pain, but he hated even more the idea of going back downstairs to see what chaos awaited him there.   
The music was somehow louder when he walked down the stairs and the party seemed to have remained in full swing. There was no sign of the pretty boy with the blue eyes or Taeyong. There was, however, a very confused looking DoYoung holding a very sad Yuta while Jaena seemed to be yelling at the two of them.   
Mark walked up cautiously. “What’s going on?”  
Jaena turned to look at him with narrowed eyes. “Everything is falling to shit and I was just asking these two what DoYoung did to make Johnny slap him on his way out the door.”  
“J..Johnny slapped you?” Mark’s eyes went wide.   
Yuta sniffled, hiding in DoYoung’s side. DoYoung turned to Jaena. “I told you, I don’t know what’s going on. I took Yuta outside to talk about…something…and when we came back inside, Taeyong was fucking some dude on the counter.” Yuta whimpered, his tears seeming to increase. “Ten and Lucas pulled Taeyong off somewhere and then Johnny rushes down the stairs, backhands DoYoung, and storms out.”  
“At least he left his keys.” Jaena sighed, fishing the Porsche key out of her pocket. “I sneaked them off him before the party.”  
“Is he going to be alright?” Mark asked.   
DoYoung shrugged. “When he gets tired of walking, he can call an Uber to take him home. Listen, Mark, you’re welcome to stay longer, but I’m going to get Yuta back to our place. I don’t think the party is the best place for him right now.”  
“No,” Mark shook his head. “I… I’m ready to go home, too.”  
DoYoung nodded. “Fine, come on.”  
Mark bid goodbye to Jaena and followed DoYoung out of the house. He kept an eye out for Johnny, expecting to see the elder stamping furiously around his car without his keys. He wasn’t there. Mark hesitated while DoYoung helped the sobbing Yuta into the back seat, and then crawled in beside him. Yuta whimpered and dropped his head into Mark’s lap.   
“Mark, do you mind if Yuta stays in your room with you tonight?” DoYoung asked as they pushed open the front door of the apartment. The ride there had been uncomfortably silent, punctuated only by Yuta’s sniffles.   
“Wouldn’t he be more comfortable in your room?” Mark asked. “I mean, you two did look pretty cozy together at the party.”  
At that, Yuta burst into another round of loud sobbing. DoYoung shot Mark a glare as he tried to calm down their friend.   
“Did I say something wrong?” Mark frowned.   
DoYoung sighed. “What did you think Yuta and I were doing when we went outside to talk?”  
Mark frowned. “To me, it looked like you were making out.”  
Yuta wailed.   
“I was wrong.”  
“Yes.” DoYoung answered. He sighed, petting Yuta’s head. “Come on, sweetheart, let’s get you a warm bath and into bed. I’ll explain everything to Mark when you’re calm.”  
Yuta only nodded. DoYoung lead him away, into the bathroom. Mark heard the running of water and decided he would go ahead and change into his own pajamas before Yuta was done. When he stepped back into the hallway, DoYoung stepped out of the kitchen with two mugs of hot tea.   
“Let’s go sit out on the balcony and talk.” He suggested.   
Mark took his cup silently and followed along. The night air was crisp, but not too cold, as they huddled around their cups of tea. Mark sipped, relishing the taste and it’s sobering effects – his head was still a bit dizzy. He kept silent, waiting for DoYoung to begin.   
“Yuta and I weren’t making out.” DoYoung started, blunt and to the point. “He’s in love with Taeyong. There is no me in his heart anymore.”  
“You don’t sound happy about that.” Mark surmised.   
DoYoung hummed. He took a sip of his tea. “I’ve slept my way through half of Seoul trying to get over him and it’s not worked yet.”  
“I’m sorry.” Mark felt like he was saying that phrase a lot tonight. “But, then, what were you two doing?”  
“We were talking.” DoYoung answered.  
“What about?”  
“I…” DoYoung looked away and Mark saw the hesitance in his face.   
“Did it have something to do with YangYang?” Mark asked. “He said the two of you argued.”  
“He said he wanted me.” DoYoung frowned.   
“Is that a problem?” Mark cocked his head to the side.   
DoYoung took a long breath, eyes closed as he seemed to be thinking hard about what to say next. “You know how I said I won’t flirt with you because you deserve more than a one night stand?”  
Mark nodded.  
DoYoung looked up to meet his eyes. “So, does he.”  
“But, I thought you were into him.”  
“I am.” DoYoung looked away again. “That’s why I had to tell him it wasn’t going to happen.”  
“Because you…like him?”  
“I don’t…do relationships, Mark.” DoYoung glanced back towards the door, as if Yuta was going to walk through it at any moment. “It wouldn’t be fair to him. I wouldn’t be able to love him the way he deserves when my heart still belongs to someone else.”  
“Yuta.”   
DoYoung nodded.   
“What happened?”  
DoYoung shrugged. “I think Taeyong might have misunderstood like you did.”  
“So, he went and got it on in the kitchen because he thought you and Yuta were kissing?” Mark asked, flabbergasted.   
“Kind of.” Yuta’s voice from the open door startled the both of them. His hair was damp, towel around his shoulders. He was wearing some of DoYoung’s clothes. He stepped out of the door and went to look over the railing out at the city. “He thinks that I’ve been cheating on him with DoYoung because of that comment about me having seen his dick.”  
“But…” Mark pouted. “That’s a misunderstanding. I’m sure in the morning, we can sit down and tell him what’s going on and sort this out.”  
Yuta shook his head and Mark could see a fresh trail of tears. “He won’t work this out. Before he left with that guy from the kitchen, he told me not to bother coming back to the house, he doesn’t want a used up whore there.”  
“Fucker.” DoYoung sneered. He stood up and wrapped his arms around Yuta. “Please don’t cry, Yuta. I hate to see you cry.”  
Mark watched awkwardly while the two men hugged each other. Yuta mumbled something about getting a snack and stepped back inside.   
“So.” Mark hesitated when Yuta was out of earshot. “Are you going to try to get back with him?”  
DoYoung shot a warning glare towards Mark. “He’s still hurting. I just…want him to be okay. Whatever happens past that doesn’t concern me right now.”  
Mark nodded. “I don’t like this. Do all Halloween parties end up like this?”  
DoYoung chuckled and shook his head. “Not really. I mean there was the time a couple years back when Ten and Lucas got into it and nearly broke a pool table. They ended up dating the next day, to be fair.”  
“That sounds like an interesting story.” Mark muttered.   
“One for another time.” DoYoung responded. “I want to know what happened to your arm.”  
“Oh.” Mark looked at the bandage. “YangYang bandaged it for me. It’s just a small scratch.”  
“From what?” DoYoung asked.   
Mark bit his lip. “Johnny and I got into a fight.”  
“And he hurt you?” DoYoung’s voice was suddenly steel.   
Mark sighed. “He pushed me and a got scratched when I fell. It’s not a big deal.”  
“That’s what you said last time.” DoYoung quirked an eyebrow up.   
“Do you really think Johnny would be abusive?” Mark asked.   
DoYoung sighed. “There was a time when I would be able to answer that.”  
“What do you mean?” Mark asked.   
DoYoung picked up his now empty tea cup and swirled it around. “Johnny used to be one of the kindest, most sensitive people I’d ever met. After he met that ex, he just…changed. To be honest, I don’t know what he’s capable of anymore.”  
Mark looked down at his hands. “Lucas told me he was doing drugs.”  
“Again?” DoYoung frowned.   
“What do you mean again?!” Mark’s eyes shot up at DoYoung.   
“He never told you?”   
Mark shook his head and DoYoung sighed once more. “Then I shouldn’t be the one to tell you.”  
“Please.”  
“Fine.” DoYoung spoke after a very long break. “His ex, the one Jaena threw out a window, she… she got Johnny addicted to heroine. No one knew until the breakup happened and he told Taeyong. He went to rehab. Honestly, he’d only been out a few months before you came to work with us. Does Lucas really think he’s started using again?”  
“He was only with her for seven months.” Mark frowned. “Did she really affect him that much?”  
“Months?” DoYoung looked like he’d been slapped in the face. “Mark, they were together for seven years.”  
Mark’s eyes widened again. “Oh.”  
DoYoung sighed. “It looks like there’s going to be a lot of mess for everyone to clean up tomorrow. Come on, we should go to bed.”  
Mark nodded silently. He followed DoYoung inside and sat his cup in the sink. His mind was whirling with the new information he’d received, even as he pulled the covers up and crawled into the bed beside Yuta. The older man was still sniffling softly.   
“Mark?” Yuta whispered.   
“Hmm?”  
“Could you…” Yuta bit his lip in the darkness. “Hold me?”  
Mark hesitated, but right now Yuta was his friend, not his boss, and his friend was in need. He opened his arms and let the older man scoot closer, holding Yuta while the elder cried himself quietly to sleep. Mark tried to sleep as well, and not think about all the lies that circulated between his and Johnny’s farce of a friendship. They were both at fault, weren’t they? Mark needed to fix this.


	46. 46 - I did something I'm not proud of

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Johnny messed up
> 
> Yuta's messed up
> 
> Mark's a mess

The day after the party at work was strange. Mark had slugged his way, hungover, through his classes and made his way to his shift afterwards. Haechan was behind the counter of the coffee shop and Lucas was behind the counter in the bookstore. It was a Sunday, so the nights were usually slow. Mark slugged over to Haechan to ask for a coffee before his shift started.  
“Hey, Mark Hyung.” Haechan gave him a nervous smile. “How are you feeling?”  
“Hungover.” Mark pouted, pulling the cup of coffee to him and sipping it hungrily. “You?”  
“I’m alright.” Haechan bit his lip. “I heard things got bad after Jaehyun Hyung and I left.”  
Mark nodded. “It wasn’t pretty.”  
Haechan whined, chewing on his lower lip. “Things are gonna be bad around here for a while, aren’t they?”  
Mark only nodded and hummed. He turned around with his coffee and went about his own work. It didn’t take long for Lucas to come up to him with a nervous expression on his face.   
“Mark?” He sounded almost scared.   
“Yes?” He glanced up from the paperwork he was looking over.   
Lucas played with his fingers for a bit before he spoke. “I um… I heard about what happened. I’m sorry. I didn’t know that he would react that way…”  
“Johnny.” The word felt like acid on his tongue. “It’s not your fault, Lu. Don’t worry about it.”  
“Really.” He started. “I honestly didn’t think that he would… that he would hurt you.”  
Mark glanced down at his arm. He’d chosen to wear a short-sleeved shirt and the bandage was exposed. Lucas was staring at it, too.   
Mark sighed. “It’s fine.”  
Lucas sighed, running a hand through his hair. “How is Yuta doing?”  
Mark took a careful sip of his coffee before he answered, trying to figure out exactly what to say. “He sobbed himself to sleep in my room last night. DoYoung has been there with him all day. He’s refusing to get out of bed, or talk, or eat. He’s just…crying.”  
Lucas nodded. “Jaena went to Taeyong’s apartment this morning. She said some guy came out when she pounded on the door, but that Taeyong refused to speak to her. Do you think he really…with that guy…?”  
Mark shrugged. “Seems like it. Just, let them have a few days. I’m sure they’ll talk and work this out.”  
“What about you?” Lucas asked. “Are you going to talk to Johnny?”  
“As soon as I can.” Mark responded.   
“Well, you’ll get your chance soon.” Lucas muttered. “He’ll be here to close with you in about twenty minutes. I’m just waiting for Ten to get here so I can go home.”  
Mark nodded, his stomach twisting. He hadn’t expected to be closing alone with Johnny. Lucas seemed to realize that the conversation was over after that, or maybe he saw Ten because he disappeared shortly after to leave Mark to his thoughts. He needed to talk to Johnny, to sort things out between them.   
It seemed to be harder than he thought it would be. Johnny showed up about fifteen minutes after Lucas left, stumbling through the door. He had bags under his eyes and looked for all the world like he was still drunk from the night before. Haechan was nervous to leave him there with Mark, as the eldest seemed to be adamantly ignoring Mark’s entire existence. He refused to even acknowledge that Mark had spoken to him several times, and Mark’s heart twisted and broke because of it.   
He had gone to Johnny every chance he could to get the elder to talk once they were alone, but Johnny only stared off into the distance with a blank expression on his face. After the fifth or sixth try, he just dropped his hands onto the counter and sighed.   
“Fine.” He snapped. “Don’t talk to me, but the least you could do is make me a coffee.”  
Mark turned and stormed off back to his side of the store, heart pounding in his chest and tears stinging at his eyes. Johnny hadn’t even bothered to acknowledge him then, but a few minutes after sorting through some shelves, he came back to the register to see a warm drink sitting beside it. He glanced over to the café. Johnny had his back to him, aggressively sorting the drink syrup stand. Mark smiled, a small bloom of hope welling inside of him.   
He decided not to try again until they had finished all of their tasks and had both made it to the breakroom to grab their things.   
“Johnny.” Mark stood in front of the door before the elder could make his way out. “We need to talk, please.”  
Johnny let out a loud huff, an annoyed sound, and finally leveled his eyes on Mark. “I have nothing to say to you.”  
“Then listen!” Mark begged. “Please.”  
Johnny shook his head. “Why should I listen to more of your lies?”  
“I’m not trying to lie to you!” Mark took a step forward and grabbed at Johnny’s elbow.   
The elder jerked himself out of Mark’s grab. “Don’t touch me.”  
There were proper tears in Mark’s eyes now, threatening to break and drop down his face.   
“I’m sorry I lied to you about Jeno.” Mark pushed forward and kept talking. “I know I shouldn’t have. But it’s not what you’re thinking-“  
“I don’t fucking care.” Johnny spat. “I don’t want to hear it. Now get out of my way.”  
“No.” Mark’s lip trembled. “Please.”  
Johnny moved faster than Mark expected for the state he seemed to be in. He grabbed Mark by the wrist and spun his arm around his back, slamming him into the wall. Mark yelped, the air forced out of his lungs. Tears fell.   
“Are you trying to make me hurt you?” Johnny’s angry voice hissed into Mark’s ear. “You fucking like it, don’t you?”  
“No!” Mark trembled. “Please, stop.”  
Johnny sneered. His grip on Mark’s arm tightened and Mark whimpered out in pain. He could feel Johnny’s fingers digging into his wrist. Johnny’s body was pressed against his back, holding him still.   
“If you know what’s good for you.” Johnny’s voice was low and threatening in Mark’s ear. “If you don’t want me to really hurt you next time, leave me the fuck alone.”  
Johnny stepped back and, just like in the bathroom the night before, he threw Mark into the room and out of his way. Mark stumbled to the ground, taking hold of his injured arm. He looked up at Johnny with tear-stained eyes.  
“W..why are you doing this?” Mark whimpered.   
He’d never seen a more hateful expression than the one Johnny leveled on him then. “I thought you were different and I was wrong.”  
Mark choked on a sob and Johnny merely rolled his eyes and huffed in annoyance at in. “Get the fuck up and get the fuck out of here so I can go home. Useless fuck…”  
The insult hurt more than his arm. Mark scrambled to grab all of his things, his entire body trembling as he forced himself to his feet. He’d never ran as quickly as he did when he skipped past the fuming Johnny and out the front door of the place he worked. Well, he had once. The night he’d left Jeno.   
He ran now like he did then, tears in his eyes, until his lungs burned and he couldn’t remember how many turns he took or even where he was. He only stopped when he felt like he would collapse, and then he did. He fell onto the ground and leaned against a wall, trying to breathe through his sobs. He didn’t know how long he was there, or even where he was.   
He wrapped his arms around his legs and sobbed until there were no tears left. He knew that Johnny would be angry with him, but he’d never expected that reaction. He’d trusted Johnny. Johnny was supposed to be his best friend, he wasn’t supposed to hurt him, to threaten him. No, Mark shook his head. Whoever that was, it wasn’t Johnny.  
“Mark?” A familiar voice caught his attention and Mark yelped out of instinct, jumping away from it. “Hey, hey, it’s alright. I’m not going to hurt you.”  
Mark peeked up, body trembling, to see a very concerned Jeno holding a plastic bag and a soda.   
“Mark, what happened?” Jeno asked.   
Mark sniffled, ignoring the question. “What are you doing here?”  
Jeno glanced around the street before looking up at the building Mark was sitting in front of. “I…live here.”  
Mark blinked a few times and took a look around, realizing now that he’d stopped crying and wiped his eyes that he was sitting in front of his old apartment building.   
“Do you need to come in?” Jeno glanced at the door nervously.   
Mark pulled himself up by the wall. “No, I’m fine.”  
“You’re clearly not fine.” Jeno crossed his arms. “You’re sitting on the ground crying so hard you look like you might be sick.”  
Mark dropped his head. “I’m sorry.”  
Jeno sighed. “If you don’t want to come in, and you aren’t going to tell me what’s wrong, at least let me drive you home or walk you to the bus stop.”  
“I…” Mark looked up at the boy. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”  
Jeno’s eyes darkened and Mark gulped nervously. “Because you don’t want me around anymore, I know. You said last time I saw you.”  
Mark looked down at his hands, at the fingernail marks in his wrist. “We aren’t getting back together.”  
“Because of Johnny.” It wasn’t a question. The name seared like flamed on Mark’s heart.   
“No.” He spoke. “Johnny and I aren’t…” He didn’t want to say the truth, his words cut off with a pained whine. He shook his head and started again. “Even if he wasn’t part of the picture, you and I aren’t getting back together.”  
“I know that.” Jeno sighed. “Please, let me walk you to the bus stop, okay?”  
Mark was silent for a long moment, and then he finally nodded. “Fine.”  
Mark started to follow behind Jeno, wondering if the younger was going to continue the conversation. After a long while with silence, Mark spoke again, falling into step beside Jeno.   
“You’ve been really good this last month.” Mark spoke softly. “To me. I’m thankful, for the gifts and for how kind you’ve been.”  
“You didn’t have to let me back in.” Jeno responded.   
“I know.” Mark muttered. “But I did anyway. I don’t know why. I was terrified of you. Those first couple of meetings I could barely breathe because I was so scared of what you would do.”  
“I’m sorry.”  
“Don’t be.” Mark shook his head. “I’m glad that we were able to get to this point. It gave me a lot of clarity and closure.”  
“Closure.” Jeno repeated the word with a frown, as if it were foreign on his tongue.   
Mark stopped when they finally made it to the bus stop. There were no other people. He turned to Jeno with a sad smile. “Being able to see this side of you again, the kind boy that I fell in love with all those years ago, it made me realize that I was finally ready to let go. I can say goodbye without fear.”  
“I don’t want to say goodbye.” Jeno sounded like he was about to cry and Mark’s heart twinged.   
“I know.” Mark took the younger’s hand in his own. “And I’m sorry. I really am. I know it’s not what you want, but ending it here…it’s what’s best for me.”  
“We can’t still be friends?” He tried.  
Mark shook his head. “There’s nothing I can offer you as a friend.”  
“Please?”  
“Jeno.” Mark’s voice held a warning tone, but it was still soft and the younger looked up at him with sad eyes. “Thank you, for giving me a good memory of you to leave with. Thank you, for giving me closure. Thank you, for all of the good moments that we shared. I’m finally able to forgive you for everything, and I hope that one day you’ll be able to forgive me too. But this is goodbye. For good this time.”  
“Mark.” Jeno let a tear drop as Mark stepped away from him. The bus had pulled up and the driver opened the door, calling for Mark to hurry.   
He stepped onto the bus and turned back to look at the other boy once more. “Goodbye, Jeno. Please, don’t contact me again.”  
With that, and a hidden tear of his own, Mark let the bus doors shut behind him and dropped down into a seat. He felt like he’d cried enough tears to fill an ocean by the time he finally made it to his last stop. He pulled his aching body off the bus and dragged himself down the street towards the apartment.   
He felt more stable by the time he made it to his door. His breathing was even and his eyes weren’t watery anymore. His heart wasn’t hammering against his chest and his skin didn’t burn like needles with fear.   
He had two armfuls of a red-haired man the moment he opened the door. Yuta clung to him, tears in his eyes. Mark shushed him, patting his back to calm the elder down.   
“Yuta Hyung, what’s wrong?” Mark asked.   
“Y..you…you were gone.” Yuta choked out between sobs. “Johnny…Johnny called and said you’d run off and he didn’t know where you went and you’ve been gone for hours and I was so worried. You can’t leave me like that!”  
“I’m sorry, Hyung.” Mark just held Yuta tighter in the open doorway. “I’m sorry. I’m fine. I promise. I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here.”  
“Yuta.” DoYoung rounded the corner, his eyes widening in relief when he saw Mark. “Oh thank god, you’re back.”  
Mark gave the elder an apologetic smile over Yuta’s shoulder. Doyoung came and gently collected the crying elder. “Come on, Yuta. Mark’s back now and everything is alright. Let’s get you into bed, okay?”  
Yuta refused to release Marks hand as he pulled the younger into the house and shut the door behind him. Mark was content to let his distraught friend lead him into the bedroom where DoYoung helped get him into some pajamas and get him into the bed. Mark sat on the edge of the bed, petting Yuta’s hair softly until the elder’s eyes shut and his breathing evened out.   
DoYoung sighed from the doorway. “He’s been like that all day.”  
“He’s upset.”  
“He’s panicked.” DoYoung answered. “He thinks that just because Taeyong left him that we’re going to as well. When Johnny said you’d run off, he freaked out.”  
“I’m sorry.” Mark said again, then added. “Johnny called you?”  
DoYoung nodded. “He didn’t sound…right. Mark, what happened?”  
Mark sighed, looking down at his wrist once more. The red marks were glaring at him from his pale skin and DoYoung seemed to notice them as well, if his short gasp meant anything.   
“I confronted him about last night.” Mark said. “I wanted to apologize.”  
“Why?” DoYoung frowned. “He was the one who pushed you.”  
Mark sighed, might as well come clean. “Because he found out that I’d still been talking to Jeno.”  
There was silence.   
Mark continued. “I’ve told him that I don’t want to see him anymore. I just… I needed closure after everything. I’ve told Jeno that everything is over and I don’t want to see him again. For good this time. I wanted to tell Johnny that, but he just…”  
“He did that to you?” DoYoung sounded angry, but Mark couldn’t tell if it was directed towards him or Johnny.   
“We argued. He refused to listen to me. He…. He twisted my arm and threatened me if I didn’t leave him alone.” Mark looked down at the sleeping boy in his bed. “He’s furious with me, and rightly so.”  
“That’s no excuse to hurt you.” DoYoung frowned.  
Mark sighed. “He’s only being like this because he’s trying to push me away. I just need to give him some time.”  
“Will you try talking to him again?”  
Mark thought hard. He felt like, after everything, if he kept trying he would be walking right back into another situation like what he’d had with Jeno. Still…  
“It won’t feel right if I don’t at least try.”


	47. 47 - Safeword is Butterflies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Johnny and Taeyong lament their woes
> 
> DoYoung's righteous anger
> 
> Johnny's snapped

Johnny didn’t know if he could consider his life after the Halloween party as living. It felt like some kind of a persistent nightmare. A living hell. He hadn’t spent a minute of it sober. He couldn’t stand the idea of being sober, of dealing with the consequences of what he’d done to Mark. He hadn’t been back to work in three days, since he’d ended things with Mark. The relationship he’d thought they had, the friendship that existed between the two.   
He laid on his bed in his underwear, blissed out with a bottle of whiskey in his hand. At least, he thought as he looked at the equally messed up Taeyong laying on the other side of the bed, he wasn’t alone in his misery and heartbreak. He watched the swimming view of his friend as he thought. Taeyong probably had it worse, at least. Johnny had just misunderstood what his relationship with Mark was supposed to be. He’d thought he meant something. He’d thought Mark wanted him. He’d never imagined the younger was just using him that way.   
Taeyong, however, he’d been with Yuta for so long that Johnny hadn’t thought they would ever break up. He didn’t think he and his ex would break up either, but that had also happened. That had also been his fault. Johnny wanted to think that Taeyong and Yuta could make up. Surely there was an explanation for what had happened. Yuta would come find Taeyong and would explain everything and they would work their shit out.   
“I can’t believe he fucking lied to me like that.” Taeyong was still going on about it. Johnny was tuning in and out, listening as well as he could through the rush of blood in his ears. “I trusted him.”  
“We trusted them both.”  
Taeyong let his head fall so that he could look at Johnny. “You don’t trust anybody.”  
Johnny was silent for what seemed like a long time. “I trusted him.”  
Taeyong sighed, crawling to Johnny’s side of the bed to pull the whiskey bottle out of his hand and take a long swing. Johnny snatched it and took it back with a frown.   
“If you mix your alcohols like that you’re gonna get sick.” He warned.   
Taeyong flopped back down on the bed next to him. “I don’t care.”  
Johnny sighed. “Why don’t you just talk to him? I’m sure there’s an explination.”  
“Why don’t you talk to Mark?” The name made him flinch.   
“I already spoke to Mark. We agreed to end our friendship.” Johnny answered.  
“No.” Taeyong gave him his best, drunken glare. “Lucas says that you decided to end your friendship and you threatened him.”  
Johnny finished the rest of the bottle.   
“Besides.” Taeyong watched his friend carefully. He wasn’t drunk enough that the amount of poison Johnny was putting in his body was concerning. “I fucked up, too. I went home with that Taemin kid.”  
Johnny shrugged. “Mark was sucking face with him before you took him home.”  
“Mark did what?!” Taeyong stumbled to sit back up.   
Johnny nodded. “I walked outside to find him and he was pushed up against the wall making out with him.”  
“Fuck, John.” Taeyong hissed. “I’m sorry.”  
Johnny shrugged.   
They both stayed like that for a while. Lamenting their woes, the lack of alcohol in the bedroom combined with their lack of desire to get up and get more, passing out occasionally on the bed only to come too a bit later and whine about starting to feel sober.   
Neither of them bothered to move until there was a knock on the door. Johnny thought he’d imagined it at first, until Taeyong asked him if he was going to answer it. Johnny just pulled himself up off the bed and put on his robe. It was the one that Mark had used when he was there, and Johnny absolutely wasn’t pretending that he could still smell the younger man on the fabric.   
Taeyong followed him into the front, leaning against the couch as he peered around the corner curiously. Johnny flung the door open, taking longer than he should have to recognize DoYoung standing in his door.   
The first thing that happened was that DoYoung sent a fist flying at Johnny’s face. He stumbled to the ground, grabbing at his nose as he could feel the blood. Taeyong cursed in the background.   
“If Mark is bloody and bruised because of you, you’re going to be bloody and bruised too.” DoYoung glared, stepping over him and into the room. “I came to talk to Taeyong.”  
The sharp pain in his nose sobered him up quite a bit, but it stunned him so much that he didn’t even respond. He just pulled himself up off the floor and went to the kitchen to grab a rag. Taeyong darted behind the couch, afraid that DoYoung was going to hit him as well. When Johnny came back, though, they were sitting. DoYoung had taken a spot in one of the chairs while Taeyong was sitting across from him on the couch. Johnny sat down next to Taeyong and shot DoYoung a glare, but he deserved what he got.   
“Why are you here?” Taeyong asked. “What do you want to say to me?”  
“I want you to come and make things right with Yuta.” DoYoung got straight to the point.  
“Why should I?” Taeyong glared. “I’m sure he’s having plenty of fun at your place.”  
“Do you want to know what he’s doing at my place?” DoYoung’s eyes narrowed. “He’s crying until he vomits. He’s nursing a broken wrist after he collapsed because he’d rather stay awake for two days rather than go to sleep because he’s having nightmares. He’s under constant supervision because Mark walk into the bedroom and found him with a kitchen knife to his fucking throat. So, you tell me if he’s having fun?!”  
Johnny and Taeyong both sat, stunned, with wide eyes. DoYoung watched them, but seemed to realize that neither of them was going to say anything. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.   
“I’m going to go out on a limb and assume that you left him for that other guy because you thought he and I were doing something behind your back.” DoYoung started speaking and Johnny could hear the pain in his voice. “But I can assure you, that’s not what happened. Yuta doesn’t want me. He left me to be with you. You know that, right? We were together for five years and then he met you and I was forgotten. And there’s nothing that I could or would do to try and get him back. Everything he is belongs to you.”  
“Then what…were the two of you doing?” Taeyong asked, breathless.   
DoYoung bit his lip, cheeks tinging pink. “I needed his advice.”  
“About what?” Johnny heard his own voice asking, recalling the conversation he’d overheard at the party. So they hadn’t been talking about Yuta and DoYoung?  
“YangYang confessed to me.” The words shocked Johnny, even though he knew they shouldn’t. “I freaked out and turned him down.”  
“Good.” Johnny shot him a glare and he almost felt ashamed of his reaction when he saw the heartbroken glimmer in DoYoung’s expression.   
“I know.” His voice was soft, and for the first time, Johnny realized that all three of them were heartbroken. “He’s far too good for someone like me. You’ve told me that enough times. But that doesn’t stop me from wanting him… forever.”  
Johnny’s eyes widened at that. DoYoung wouldn’t look at him and his stomach twisted.   
“That’s what I wanted to talk to Yuta about, anyway. About what I should do about YangYang. But then we came inside and…”  
“And I fucked up.” Taeyong looked down at his hands. “I fucked up real bad.”  
“Just come fix it.” DoYoung told him. “Talk to him. Apologize. Win him back.”  
“Will he take me?” Taeyong looked up at DoYoung with wide, hopeful eyes.   
“To be honest, I don’t know.” DoYoung answered. “It might take some time. He’s not really in the best place right now. But I think it’s possible.”  
Taeyong risked a hesitant smile. “I have to try.”  
Johnny didn’t miss the way DoYoung’s eyes turned sad moments before he threw an encouraging smile to Taeyong.   
“First, you should get home and get yourself cleaned up.” DoYoung told him. “You can’t very well go win him back in two-day old clothes reeking of vodka.”  
Taeyong nearly tripped over himself to follow directions, scrambling up and throwing them both a goodbye before Johnny could process that he was out of the door. An uncomfortable silence fell between the two as DoYoung watched him.   
“You’re still in love with Yuta, aren’t you?” Johnny asked. He had been there for the whole thing, friends with both Yuta and Taeyong before they had met. His heart had hurt for DoYoung when he found out Yuta had been cheating on him. His heart had hurt for Yuta and how much the situation had torn him up as well. When DoYoung and Yuta finally split up, and DoYoung had begged everyone never to speak of the relationship again, he’d regretfully agreed.   
“Of course.” DoYoung looked down at his hands.   
“Then why are you sending him back to Taeyong?” Johnny wanted to understand.   
DoYoung looked at him curiously for a long moment. “Because I want Yuta to be happy, even if it isn’t with me.”  
“What about YangYang?”  
“What about him?”  
“How do you feel about him?” Johnny’s voice was hesitant. He loathed the idea of his sweet friend with such a playboy, but he just didn’t want YangYang to be hurt.  
“It doesn’t matter how I feel.” DoYoung’s voice was pointedly devoid of emotion. “It’s not like we’re going to hook up.”  
“Because if it was him it wouldn’t just be one night?” Johnny recalled the conversation. “You would want it to be forever?”  
DoYoung’s eyes widened in surprise before falling back to his emotionless mask. “I don’t do forevers.”  
Johnny sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. He was starting to feel uncomfortably sober. His gut rumbled and his head ached and that black shadow in his heart was beginning to stir. He reached for the bottle of Tequila he’d left sitting on the table last night, but before it could touch his lips, DoYoung snatched it out of his hands.   
“You need to stop this.” DoYoung snapped at him. “You’re killing yourself.”  
“You don’t know anything.” Johnny glared at him.   
“I know that this isn’t you.” DoYoung retorted. “Drinking yourself into a coma every day, abandoning work, pretending you don’t give a shit about anything, hurting the man you love.”  
Mark. DoYoung didn’t have to say his name for Johnny’s heart to twist painfully, the shadow winding its way into his lungs and suffocating him.   
“I just want him to leave me alone.” Johnny looked down at his trembling fingers.   
“And what if he doesn’t?” DoYoung was looking at him with raised eyebrows and a serious voice that set Johnny’s veins on fire in the worst kind of way.   
Johnny swallowed thickly, not sure how to respond. He didn’t know what he’d do if Mark refused to leave him alone. He’d hoped that he’d hurt him enough last time they spoke that the younger would get the hint. No. Mark would leave him alone. “He will.”  
“Why are you doing this to the two of you?” DoYoung asked and now he sounded sad.   
“He made it perfectly clear that I can’t trust him.” Johnny’s eyes narrowed. The shadow in his chest wrapped around his heart and gave a huge tug, squeezing until he felt like everything inside of him was going to break.   
“You lied to him, too.” The other man had a point.   
Johnny scratched at his arm, rubbed at the ache in his chest, pressed his thumb against the vein in his wrist to try and calm himself down.   
“Just tell him to stay away from me.” Johnny stood up, probably quicker than he’d meant to because he felt the edges of his vision go dark and grabbed hold of the couch to keep himself steady.   
“Johnny…” DoYoung started, but he was cut off when Johnny snatched the bottle of alcohol out of his hands. He chugged the rest of it quickly, relishing in the burn, the shadow within his chest retreating a bit. It would do for now.  
“Get out of my house.” Johnny snapped. “Just get out and tell him to leave me alone. I never want to see him again. He’ll regret it if I see him again.”  
DoYoung looked like he wanted to say something, watching Johnny’s face crumble and tears start to burn against his cheeks. The other man just sighed and shook his head with that disappointed, sad smile on his face. He turned to leave, but before he walked out the door, he paused and gave one more look to Johnny.   
“If you hurt him again.” DoYoung said. “It’ll be the last time.”  
Johnny hummed, pretending he hadn’t heard what the other said. It was unfair. Everything was unfair. Mark was the one who had betrayed him. Mark was the one who lead him on and made him think they meant something and then turned around to suck face with a stranger, to lie about something as important as returning to his abusive ex. Mark should be the one that everyone was angry with, not him.   
Mark had shown up like the north star on a dark night, like a lighthouse in a raging storm. He’d put Johnny entirely and completely under his spell. Never had he once thought about being with another man, and Mark had made him want to spend the rest of his life on his knees for the boy. Mark had shown up and turned Johnny life on its head. And now that Johnny had realized his mistakes, all of his friends decided to pick Mark.  
Johnny had known they would. Mark was perfect. He was small and soft, and kind, and beautiful. He was brilliant, the smartest person Johnny had ever met. He had hair like sunshine and a smile like the August breeze. His laughter was more beautiful than the sounds of a thousand angels singing. He was pure and kind and beautiful and wonderful. Of course, they would all want to protect him. Johnny wanted to protect him too, protect Mark from himself.   
Johnny didn’t know how long he’d spend sitting on the kitchen floor nursing another bottle of whiskey. He couldn’t remember the last two hours, to be fair. Just the euphoria rushing through him and the burn in his throat and the bottle of pills in his hand because everything else just wasn’t enough anymore. Not for this. Not for the rest of his sanity to break down and leave him.   
“Johnny.” The painfully familiar voice of the illusion in front of him cut through his heart like a knife. “What’s happened to you?”  
“Go away.” Johnny slurred, frowning.   
“Hyung.” The voice was closer. The angel was kneeling over him, taking the bottle of pills out of his hand. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.”


	48. 48 - READ THE NOTE - TRIGGER WARNING

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!
> 
> This chapter and the next both will have a trigger warning. If you want to be surprised and aren't worried about being triggered, start reading now. If you have concerns or worries, read below for the list of things that may possibly be triggering. I'll post this warning at the beginning of the next chapter as well
> 
> Triggers:  
> noncon  
> knifeplay  
> humiliation  
> mental and emotional manipulation  
> bondage  
> slight gore

Mark couldn’t believe the sight he saw when he walked into Johnny’s house. He knew the elder wouldn’t open the door for him, so he’d decided to abuse the privilege of still having a key to the place. The first thing he’d noticed was the stale stench of alcohol, followed by the absolute mess the place had become. He’d called out for Johnny, finding the man on the floor in the kitchen, barely conscious.   
It had taken a lot of effort, but Mark was able to get the older, larger man into his bedroom. He emptied the bed of bottles and got Johnny into it, forcing some water down the incoherent man’s throat before he passed out. Mark had set about cleaning the house.   
He got a bag and emptied out all of the bottles, swept and mopped the spills, wiped the counters. He set about to gather up dirty dishes and wash them, and was concerned by the abnormal lack of them, or anything that appeared to be recently eaten. When the house was presentable, Mark went back into the room to check on Johnny.   
The elder was still laying in the bed, sweating heavily. Mark left for a cold rag, sitting on the edge of the bed to dap away the sweat on Johnny’s face and neck. He bit his lip as he watched his best friend suffer. Part of him wanted to blame himself for this. He’s fucked up pretty badly. Lying, kissing someone else. But part of him wanted to blame Johnny, wanted to hate him. Johnny had promised to protect him and had hurt him. Had tried to use Mark’s past to push him away.   
He’d thought about doing it. Thought about walking away. Quitting the bookstore, finding another job, never seeing Johnny again. Giving the elder what he so clearly wanted, a life without Mark in it. But Mark was selfish and he was stubborn, and if his relationship with Jeno taught him anything it was that he didn’t give up easily, even when he knew he should.   
Mark left some painkillers and water on Johnny’s bedside for when he woke up and went to make himself comfortable on the couch until Johnny woke up. He thought about turning the television on, but decided against it. He was already overstepping so many boundaries being here that he didn’t want to push his luck. He just wanted to tell Johnny he was sorry, that he was in love with him, that he wanted another chance to make things right.  
It was almost nightfall when Mark finally heard stirring inside of the bedroom. His stomach twisted nervously. He’d spent the last several hours rehearsing what he was going to say. He just hoped that he could keep the nerve to say it. He’d always been a coward.   
Johnny was rubbing his eyes when he walked into the living room, groaning. He hadn’t spotted Mark yet and so the younger stood up and cleared his throat.   
Johnny spun around in shock and the two finally locked eyes. Mark tried to hide his nerves with a smile while Johnny looked like he didn’t believe what he was seeing.   
“So that wasn’t a dream.” He muttered.   
“No.” Mark scratched at the back of his head.   
Johnny spun around and walked straight into the kitchen reaching for the alcohol cabinet. It was empty and Johnny heard the curse he hissed. “Where’s my liquor?”  
“You drank it all.” Mark responded. “I cleaned up the empty bottles.”  
“Why are you in my house?” Johnny refused to turn and look at him, even though Mark was now standing directly behind him.   
“I needed to talk to you.” Mark answered.   
“I thought I told you I didn’t want to talk to you.”  
“Then listen, please.” Mark reached out, fingers hovering by Johnny’s shoulder. “Let me apologize, let me explain.”  
“What’s there to explain?” Johnny scoffed. “You played me like a fucking fiddle. Move on to your next game.”  
“You aren’t a game to me!” Mark gulped. “I’m sorry I lied to you about Jeno. I shouldn’t have, but I just didn’t know how to tell you, any of you. I did talk to him, but I told him that I didn’t want to see him anymore. I told him we weren’t even going to be friends anymore.”  
“Before or after you got caught?” Johnny asked humorlessly.   
“Before.” Mark whispered out the answer. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I just… I didn’t want my last memories of him to be his hands around my throat.”  
“Funny.” Johnny sneered. “I figured you liked it like that.”  
“No.” Mark could feel his lower lip trembling. “Please, Johnny. Please forgive me. I just want to make things right.”  
“Make things right?” Johnny spat. “You think you can make things right?!”  
Mark whimpered, hesitating. The bruise on his wrist from days previous was still glaring down at him, a painful reminder of their last encounter.   
“I don’t know.” He finally answered. “But let me try, please. I’ll do anything.”  
“Anything?” Johnny huffed. “Suck me off, then.”  
“Johnny.” Mark’s throat went dry, the familiar memory coming back to him. “I didn’t come here to get off with you. I came here to show you I care about you.”  
Mark nearly screamed at the sudden movement before he could even get another word out. Johnny had spun on him, one hand threading into his hair and pulling hard. The other hand held a knife to Mark’s throat and Mark didn’t even know when he’d picked it up, where he’d picked it up. Mark pressed himself into the edge of the counter, trying to lean away from the weapon at his throat. He looked into Johnny’s eyes, seeing nothing but dark fury raging inside of them. Cold, empty black eyes and a furious scowl.   
“Did I fucking ask you what you came here to say, or did I tell you to get on your knees and suck my cock?” Johnny hissed.   
Tears beaded at the corner of Mark’s eyes. Mark had never been scared of Johnny before. Not like this. When he didn’t respond quickly enough, Johnny gave another yank to his hair and Mark cried out.   
“Okay.” His voice cracked. “Okay, okay, I’ll do it.”  
Johnny moved the knife from his throat, but kept the hand tight in Mark’s hair. Mark’s entire frame shook as he lowered himself down onto his knees. He glanced up at Johnny from beneath his lashes, hoping the elder would come to his senses.   
“What are you waiting for?” Johnny sneered.   
Mark looked away, focusing on Johnny’s crotch. He reached out with shaking fingers and palmed him. Johnny wasn’t even hard, but after a few touches, Mark could feel him responding.   
He licked his lips, tugging at the waistband of Johnny’s pants until they fell down enough to expose Johnny’s length. The elder hissed at the cold air against his skin.   
Mark took him into his hand, stroking him a few times, feeling him fill out between his fingers. Johnny seemed to be impatient because he gave another hard tug on Mark’s hair and pulled the man’s face straight to his erection. Mark opened his mouth. He was familiar with this, the taste of Johnny, the weight of his cock against Mark’s tongue, even when Johnny would get a little rough and fuck into his mouth until Mark had a sore throat.   
That was nothing compared to the hell that Johnny unleashed on him in that moment. Holding him still by his hair, grip so tight that Mark would be surprised if he didn’t have chunks of hair missing when the monster above him finally let go. This was not Johnny, this was a monster, shoving his cock so rough and so deep Mark’s lungs burned with the need for air. He choked on his own spit, tears pouring down his cheeks, nose nasty and snotty making everything even more uncomfortable. But he could feel the swell of Johnny’s cock inside his mouth, could hear the hitch of his breath as he chased his release and it would be over soon because Johnny was cumming into his mouth hard.   
Mark gagged on the substance, pulling away and spitting it onto the ground as he coughed to try and catch his breath.  
“Fucking disgusting whore.” Johnny’s words cut through Mark’s chest, burning at him. He didn’t want this. “Who told you that you could dirty my floors?”  
Mark whimpered. “I’m s…sorry. I’ll clean it up.”  
“Damn right, you will.” Johnny released Mark’s hair. Mark fell forward in short-lived relief. Johnny’s foot hit the back of his neck and suddenly his face was slammed into the floor next to the pile of spit and cum. “Lick it up.”  
“Johnny.” Mark cried. “Please, stop.”  
“Lick it up, fuckhole!” Johnny’s voice rose and Mark saw the glint of the blade still in his hand.   
Sobbing, Mark obeyed. It was difficult with a foot on the back of his neck. He stuck his tongue out towards the substance, gagging at the taste. Johnny eased up on his neck enough to allow Mark to move closer.   
“That’s a good boy.” Johnny moved his foot entirely to watch Mark on his hands and knees, licking at the cum on the floor. He wanted to vomit, but he suppressed the urge, afraid Johnny would make him lick that up as well. Still, the praise, however void of sentiment it was, soothed him.   
Johnny watched until every bit of his cum was licked off the floor before he spoke again. “Stand up. Come on, up.”  
Mark obeyed, shaking. He kept his eyes on the floor, not wanting to see the face of the person doing this to him. His hands were trembling in fists by his sides. He wondered if he could still run, but there was no way out from this. Johnny was so close, no matter which was Mark dodged, the elder would catch him and he knew he would be punished.   
“Strip.” Johnny ordered.  
Mark shivered, but not in the anticipation that the order would normally give him. Mechanically, he followed the orders, his body shaking. First, his shirt, then his pants, then his underwear. Until he was left stark naked in the kitchen holding a bundled-up pile of clothes.   
Johnny looked him up and down with a predatory smirk, tapping the tip of the blade on his lips. Mark whimpered, afraid of what Johnny had in store for next. But Mark had said that he’d do anything. He kept repeating inside of his head, anything.   
“Put the clothes on the counter.” Johnny ordered. Mark did. “Turn around and face me.” Mark did.  
Johnny stepped up to Mark, licking his lips. He could smell the alcohol still on Johnny’s breath, see every detail of his blown-out pupils. He wanted to look away, but Johnny’s hand was in his hair again, pulling his head up so that they were looking directly into each other’s eyes.   
“Look at you.” Johnny hissed. “You’re fucking trembling. Are you scared of me, little boy? Are you terrified of what I’m going to do to you?”  
As Johnny spoke, hissing the words against Mark’s skin, the tip of the knife trailed dangerously down his chest. The sharp blade didn’t have enough pressure to break the skin, but the cold blade still felt like fire against his skin. At any moment, Johnny could change that. At any moment, he could decide to press a little bit harder and make Mark bleed.   
“Johnny.” Mark tried to keep his cries in. “Please stop this.”  
“Why?” Johnny asked. “Do you not want me to forgive you? You said you’d do anything, or was that just another lie from your filthy whore mouth?”  
“No.” Mark backtracked quickly, freezing as the knife pressed against one of his nipples, stinging. “No, I didn’t lie. I didn’t.”  
“Good.” Johnny pulled away, still with a tight grip on Mark’s hair. Still with the knife trailing down Mark’s skin. Mark whimpered as he followed the blade with his eyes. Johnny pressed the tip against one of his nipples, poking at it with the sharp blade until it got a hissed whimper out of Mark. Then across his chest, leaving a red welt in its wake to the other. Mark closed his eyes, prepared for the sharp point of the knife against his sensitive skin.   
“Look at how reactive your skin is.” Johnny’s voice was gravelly. He was already hard again, watching Mark squirm beneath the blade. It travelled lower, scraping Mark’s abs, the cold blade pressing into his pubes.   
Mark could no longer hold in the sob when he felt the press of the blade’s dull side against his shaft. Johnny smirked.   
“Why are you crying, little boy? You’re already half-hard. Here I was, thinking you were scared, but your twisted little slutty cock was loving this, weren’t you?” Johnny slapped the flat edge of the blade against Mark’s cock, making it bounce. Mark hissed at the shock of sensation that shot up him. “You know what I’m going to do to you?”  
Mark shook his head silently, not trusting his voice to speak. Johnny had the blade grazing his shaft, his balls, his thighs, dangerously close, close to ripping him open.  
“First.” Johnny’s hand forgotten in Mark’s hair pulled his head back, exposing his neck. Johnny ran his nose along the line of Mark’s throat, pressing a kiss to the sensitive skin beneath his ear. Mark’s body reacted by keening into the touch, then jerking back at the sharp prick of the knife against his cockhead. Johnny chuckled at the reaction. “First, I’m going to fuck you raw right here in the kitchen. And if you so much as try to pull away, I’ll shove this knife in your hole too. Then, when you’re nice as fucked full of my cum, I’ll tie you to the bed and fuck you again. And again. And again. And you’ll be a good boy, and do everything I say, right?”  
Johnny was now looking at Mark expectantly. Mark tried to nod, but Johnny’s grip on his hair was tight. “Speak.”  
“Y..yes.” Mark whimpered out.   
“Yes, what?” Johnny quirked an eyebrow.   
Mark swallowed. “Yes, I’ll be a good boy. I’ll be good and do everything you say.”  
“Good boy.” Johnny finally let go of Mark’s hair. “Now turn around and bend over.”  
Mark did as he was told, his body didn’t want to comply, but the glint of the knife from the corner of his eye spurred him to move. He leaned over the counter, head hiding in his hands as he pressed his ass out for Johnny. He didn’t feel anything for a long while, and that scared him more than the knowledge of what was coming. He didn’t allow himself to hope that maybe Johnny had changed his mind.   
Then, he felt the first slap, a heavy hand against his ass. He braced himself, trying not to shy away. It was harder than he thought as another swing landed against his backside. He whimpered at the third strike, the fourth, never in the same place. His right cheek, left cheek, across both, against his thighs. Johnny left open handed slaps until Mark could feel the stinging redness against all of his skin. His legs shook with the effort to hold him up.   
Johnny had stopped. “What a pretty sight that is.” He mused. “No wonder that bastard liked to fuck you hard when just a little spanking will leave you like this.”  
Cold fingers pressed against his hot skin, Johnny’s soothing hands against his sore ass. It lasted only a moment and then his cheeks were being pulled away and Mark gagged at the sound of Johnny spitting against his hole, the feel of the saliva running between his cheeks. He squirmed.   
“Did I give you permission to move?” Johnny’s voice came harsh.   
“N..No, Sir.” Mark whimpered. “I’m sorry, Sir.”  
In moments, Mark felt the sharp press of metal against his hole. Tears renewed fresh and a litany of please fell from his lips, begging Johnny not to do it. Please, anything but that, please. Mark’s whole body trembled. He swallowed back the bile as Johnny teasingly pressed the blade against Mark’s hole. He gasped in pain as the edge caught against his hole, down against his thigh. That’s where Johnny pressed hard, leaving one long, thin line of blood dripping down between Mark’s thighs.   
Mark cried with a mixture of pain and relief. His leg felt like it was on fire, but at least it wasn’t his hole.   
“You were trying to run away from me, little boy.” Johnny’s breath was hot against Mark’s neck. “Good boys don’t run away, do they?”  
“N..no..No, Sir.” Mark forced the words out.   
“So, now I have to punish you, don’t I?” Johnny asked.   
“Y..yes.” Mark sobbed.   
“I thought you wanted to be a good boy.” Mark could hear the pout in Johnny’s voice. “I’m so disappointed in you, little boy.”  
“No!” Mark cried out. “No, please! I want to be good. Please.”  
“Good boys don’t get punished.” Johnny sing songed. “You’re a bad boy. A naughty, dirty, used up slutty little bad boy, aren’t you?”  
“No.” Mark choked out. “No, I’m good. I’m a good boy. I’ll be good.”  
Mark’s punishment was the handle of the knife slamming into his unprepared hole. He bit into his arm to muffle his scream, but he didn’t flinch away.


	49. 49 - TRIGGER WARNING AGAIN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has a trigger warning. If you do not worry about being triggered, stop here and go on to the actual story. If you have concerns, there is a list of possible triggers in this chapter. If you read this chapter or the previous and believe that I need to add or edit the trigger warnings, please comment and let me know. I want everyone who reads this story to be comfortable.
> 
> Triggers:  
> noncon  
> knifeplay  
> humiliation  
> mental and emotional manipulation  
> bondage  
> slight gore

Mark was relieved that the knife handle didn’t stay in him very long, but the curve at the end of the handle stung as it tried to cling to his insides. When it was gone, his entire body relaxed and he breathed out a sigh of relief. His legs were still trembling and most of his weight was supported by his bare chest against the cold counter. He kept still, his only movement the tremble of his legs and his chest rising and falling as he tried to control his sobbing.   
Johnny stood behind him, but Mark was too scared to open his eyes, to turn and see what the other man was doing. He just wanted to get this over with, because he knew there was no running from it. Part of him, the sick and twisted part that craved everything Johnny could give him even if it hurt, wanted this. Part of him, the part that had been so twisted by his past experiences, whispered to him that he deserved this. Mostly, though, he was just scared.   
“You like this, don’t you? You sick fuck.” Johnny spat the words into Mark’s ear, fingers around his wrists.   
“No!” Mark screamed out as Johnny grabbed his wrists and pulled them behind him.   
He felt something thin and rough against his wrists and thought for a moment that Johnny was dragging the knife along his skin again, but when he opened up his eyes the blade was sitting on the countertop in front of him. There was something that look suspiciously like blood dripping from it.   
The object circling his wrists was some kind of a string. Johnny pulled it tight, until Mark’s fingers throbbed from the lack of circulation. He wrapped the material around his wrists tightly a few times before tying it firmly.   
“Don’t want you stifling those pretty moans of yours.” Johnny bit the lip of Mark’s ear, a sensation that sent shocks through Mark’s entire body.   
Johnny knew that Mark hated being tied up, but he also knew that Mark’s ears were extremely sensitive. Mark’s body wasn’t exactly sure how to react. His cock, half hard, twitched with interest. His limbs trembled in fear.  
“You’re shaking, little boy.” Johnny’s voice was dark in Mark’s ear. “Are you scared? Scared of me?”  
Mark blinked back tears, biting his lip and shaking his head. He screamed out when a hard slap landed across his backside.   
“Don’t fucking lie to me, bitch.” Johnny hissed.   
Mark whimpered. “I’m sorry.”  
“Good boy.” Johnny soothed the welt with warm fingers. “Are you scared of what I’m about to do to you?”  
Mark whimpered. “Y..yes.”  
“Good.” Johnny’s fingers grazed over Mark’s back, leaving lightening in their wake. “You’re so pretty when you’re scared. No wonder that bastard liked to fuck you like this. I think I could get used to it to. What do you think?”   
Mark choked, unable to respond, because suddenly Johnny’s finger was toying with his hole. It was coated in something wet that couldn’t have possibly been lube, and Mark wasn’t exactly sure he wanted to know what it was.   
“You’d make a good little bitch for me, wouldn’t you? A sweet little sex toy.” Johnny kept muttering, ignoring Mark’s terrified whimpers as he pressed a finger into Mark’s hole without warning. “Keep you tied up in my closet until I want to split you in half on my cock.”  
Johnny paused to pull his finger out of Mark, curling it in the way that would normally have Mark keening and begging.   
“Chain you to my bed in the morning.” Johnny’s teeth grazed Mark’s blistered, sensitive butt cheek. Johnny’s words seemed to be for himself, more than anything, so Mark tried to tune them out. He focused on anything but Johnny’s whispered declarations that he was going to fuck Mark into the mattress. That he was going to fill him full of cum, then chain him to the bed on his own the whole day. That he would come back only after he’d finished work to pound into him again and again and he how much cum his hole could hold.   
Mark didn’t like the idea of that. He wanted nothing more than to leave this place, to pretend that none of this had happened and go back to his own apartment where he was safe. Mark had trusted Johnny implicitly, had never seen any reason that Johnny would ever hurt him. He’d let Johnny do things to him before than he’d never even let Jeno do because he trusted with his entire being that Johnny wouldn’t hurt him. Now, he didn’t know what to think.   
He was so caught up in his thoughts, trying to ignore what Johnny was threatening to do to him – this particular story had something to do with that dreaded knife again – that he didn’t even notice Johnny had moved. Not until Johnny grabbed his hips with bruising force and slammed into him with little to no preparation. Just a knife and a finger.  
Mark screamed out, unable to keep himself from sliding forward. He was glad for the hard grip on his hips because with out it, Mark wouldn’t have been able to keep standing. Johnny’s pace was fast from the start, rough and uncaring for how badly this was hurting Mark, for the way that Mark’s hole was tearing, bleeding around the cock abusing his insides. In fact, Johnny’s seemed to like that, using the blood to ease the slide into him.   
Mark wanted to vomit, wanted to pass out, wanted this to be over, begged for this to be over. Johnny’s hands were all over him, grabbing at his tied hands to pull him back. He pulled at Mark’s hair, tearing it out in clumps. Mark felt relief when Johnny’s hand wrapped around his throat because he could feel the older man start to stutter, to lose his pace, and he knew that Johnny was close.   
Johnny came in him with a grunt and a hard buck of his hips. He didn’t wait until he was finished before pulling out, spurting some onto Mark’s gaping hole. Mark gasped for breath, thankful for the momentary relief before Johnny spun him around and forced him back down onto his knees.   
“Clean up your mess, disgusting whore.” Johnny held Marks head against his still hard erection.   
Mark whimpered, but obeyed. Johnny’s cock was covered in Mark’s blood and his own cum and Mark could taste beneath it all that the wet substance from before was cooking oil. He licked and sucked and lapped at Johnny’s erection until it was clean, keeping his hole clenched with Johnny’s cum inside of him. He didn’t want to make anymore mess.   
Johnny released his hair when he was satisfied that Mark had cleaned him properly. The elder regarded him with a disgusted expression on his face. The hatred and disgust that Johnny leveled him with shamed Mark more than his previous actions. He really was a filthy whore, willing to do anything for the man in front of him.   
“To my bedroom.” Johnny ordered. “I want to watch you crawl there like the fucking dog you are.”  
Mark wanted to vomit. His throat ached and his chest burned with the force of his sobs. Tears streamed down his face, but he obeyed. He was a good boy, he would always obey. He wasn’t going fast enough for Johnny because the elder planted a foot between his shoulder blades and shoved him face first onto the marble floor.   
“Stop wasting my fucking time.” Johnny hissed.   
Mark whimpered, trying to get back up. It was more difficult to do with his hands tied behind his back, but he was able to pull himself up enough that he could shuffle on his knees through the kitchen and into the hallway. Johnny kicked him over once more, this time just to laugh harshly at him as he tried to right himself. Some cum leaked from his hole and Johnny made him stop to lick it up.   
Mark didn’t stop moving until they made it to the bedroom door. The closed bedroom door. Mark whimpered, daring to glance up at Johnny. The elder was staring at him. He’d removed his shirt at some point. His pants were still on, the front tucked down to expose the erection that he was slowly working with his hand.   
“The..the door.” Mark whispered.   
This time, Johnny’s kick landed against the side of his face. It didn’t hurt much, mostly just forced him against the wall.   
“Did I fucking say you could talk, Dog?” Johnny hissed.   
Mark bit his lip and shook his head. Johnny sneered, grabbing him by what was left of his hair to right him roughly.   
“Good boy.” Johnny smirked. “Good little doggy. Are you gonna be a good doggy for me?”  
Mark nodded hastily.   
Johnny scowled. “Now that’s not how dogs answer their Masters. You can do better.”  
“Ye..yes.” Mark whimpered.   
“Do dogs talk?” Johnny scowled.  
Mark whimpered, shaking his head. Hesitantly, he let out the sound that Johnny demanded of him. He sat on his knees, naked, hard, bleeding, arms tied behind him, and he barked like a fucking dog. Johnny’s cum hit him in the face, landing down his chest and over his thighs. Mark was just glad that none of it got on the floor.   
Johnny leaned over him, twisting the handle of the door. Mark glanced inside the room, then back up to Johnny, waiting to be told what to do.   
“On the bed.” Johnny ordered.  
Mark obeyed. He crawled himself to the edge of the platform and scrambled as best he could with his hands bound onto it, then onto the mattress. He knelt in the middle of the messy sheets and turned to look at Johnny.   
The elder was looking at him with dark eyes. Mark bit his lip, unsure of what to do next. Johnny was sneering at him now, judging him as he walked around the bed and looked at Mark like he was a piece of livestock at an auction. Something glinted in Johnny’s hand and Mark realized that he’d brought the knife with him.   
“Well, make yourself comfortable.” Johnny spoke.   
Mark opened his mouth to tell him that he couldn’t with his arms behind him, but something in Johnny’s expression froze the words on Mark’s tongue. Instead, he barked again. Johnny laughed, twisted amusement on his face. He stepped forward and sliced at whatever was holding Mark’s hands bound, though.  
Mark pulled his arms back around him, sighing in relief and rubbing at his wrists. There was blood where the bindings had dug tightly into his skin. Johnny licked his lower lip, seeming to have changed his mind about letting Mark get comfortable.   
He dropped onto the bed and manhandled Mark onto his knees, ass in the air. The hand on the back of his head shoved his face into the mattress and Johnny was slamming into his hole again. Mark braced himself for the pounding, gasping for air when Johnny would ease his grip enough for Mark to reach air.   
Johnny pulled out before he came again inside of Mark. He whimpered, to which Johnny laid a harsh slap against his ass again. He couldn’t even be bothered to choke out a sob, the pain Johnny had put him through already had numbed him down there a while ago. He could only endure and hope that this would be over soon.   
Johnny had been honest about chaining him to the bed, it seemed. When he came back to the bed, he brought something that looked like it had come straight out of a dungeon porn and Mark wanted to ask where he’d even gotten the things. Instead, he kept quiet and let Johnny manhandle him into the chains.   
His hands were wrapped in cuffs that were chained to the metal collar Johnny fixed on his neck. His face was pressed into the mattress and his ass was in the air to accommodate the rest of the chains. The ones attached to his neck were also attached to cuffs that went around his thighs and the chains were so short that Mark had to remain bent in half. Another set of cuffs was wrapped around Mark’s ankles, attached to a bar that kept his feet spread far apart. He felt heavy, trapped. He couldn’t breathe.   
Johnny didn’t care that Mark was having a panic attack. He had decided that his hand wasn’t doing the job of keeping Mark obedient and had replaced it with a leather belt. He gave Mark a few good slaps across his thighs and ass.   
“Get yourself together, slut.” Johnny snapped at him. “Nobody fucking likes their playthings to whine like fucking babies.”  
Mark gasped, forcing his body to obey himself. He shoved the panic down deep until he was outwardly calm. This seemed to appease Johnny because suddenly his touches were gentle again.   
“You look so good like this.” Johnny’s hands splayed against Mark’s burning bottom, rubbing against the bruises already forming on his hips, down his crack. Johnny paused to press a finger into Mark’s ass and curl it. Mark mewled, disgusted with himself for reacting to the sensation. “You like that? Like being splayed out on my fingers? Like taking my cock like a bitch?”  
Mark mewled again when Johnny curled his finger again.   
“At least a bitch would have a cunt for me to fuck.” Johnny growled against Mark’s skin, pulling out his finger. “I’ll just have to make due with your used up little asshole.”  
Mark wasn’t used, he thought, tears in his eyes. He’d only been with Jeno and Johnny. No one else had ever touched him like this, been inside of him. He wasn’t used, but right now he felt like he was. Johnny had moved behind him again and slammed into him. Mark could do nothing but lay there, bound into a pretzel, and take it with tears streaming down his face.   
Mark didn’t know where Johnny got the stamina from. He pounded into Mark’s hole until he released inside of it, pulled out and sat back on his knees to litter Mark with insults while he poked and prodded at the torn, leaking hole until he was ready to go again. Four times, he did this. Four times Johnny pounded into him until all Johnny could hear was the squelch of cum oozing out of his hole with every thrust.  
“Look at you.” Johnny repeated, leaning back after the last time, catching his breath. “Gaping open. Bent over and split in half, cum dripping out of your hole. You finally look like the little whore you are.”  
Mark no longer had the energy to cry, to react to the wrench in his gut with every insult, to pretending like the things that Johnny was saying weren’t true.   
“You’re still so fucking hard, too.” Johnny gave a rough squeeze to Mark’s member, dangling purple between his legs. It throbbed and burned and he yearned for relief, but he couldn’t cum because Johnny had wrapped something around him. Something that squeezed him tight and denied his release. “You want it? You want to cum?”  
Mark’s head barely moved, the chains rattling. Johnny huffed.   
“You want me to believe that?” He snapped. “That pathetic reaction? I guess you’re not done having me play with you then, if you’re not ready to cum.”  
Mark whimpered. He wanted to cum, he wanted this to be over with.   
“Fine, I’ll give you what you want.” Johnny pressed a hand to the base of Mark’s spine. “Let’s see how much you can fit in this filthy hole of yours.”  
Mark didn’t think he had any tears or screams left in him until the width of Johnny’s hand breached his muscle. He’d never used more than three fingers before, but now Johnny was forcing his entire hand inside of Mark.   
“Please, no!” Mark screamed into the pillow beneath him. He could taste his tears against the fabric. “Stop, no please, please, no more!”  
“It’ll be no more when I say it’s no more.” Johnny sounded angry, and the knife was against his flesh again.   
Mark stilled. Johnny pushed forward and Mark swallowed his own vomit, head spinning with the pain of a fist wrist deep inside of him. Blood and cum leaked down his legs, making a mess of Johnny’s sheets. Mark focused on the mess, panic rising up in him again. There couldn’t be a mess. He’d be punished for the mess.   
A sharp sting radiating from the throb in his rear brought him out of his spiraling thoughts. Johnny had taken the knife in his free hand and slashed through the flesh of Mark’s cheek. One cut on the right and one cut on the left. His fingers pressed into the sting, smearing the warm blood over Mark’s backside.   
Johnny moved his hand, wiggling his fingers. Mark whimpered in pain. The edges of his vision were going black. He didn’t know how long it was until Johnny withdrew his fist. He felt another hot release mix with the blood on his backside.   
“Such a good little toy.” Johnny cooed in his ear. “Want me to reward you now? Are you ready to cum?”  
“Yes, please.” Mark whimpered.   
“Dogs don’t speak.” Johnny reminded him, biting hard at the flesh of Mark’s shoulder.   
Mark barked again, just like Johnny wanted. Just like a good dog. Mark just wanted to be good.   
“Okay.” Johnny kissed the teeth marks on Mark’s shoulder in an unusually gentle manner. The thing around Mark’s erection disappeared. Johnny gave Mark’s length a few tugs until he released between them with a choked-out sob.   
Mark didn’t hear what else Johnny had said because suddenly consciousness was failing him. His body fell limp onto the bed and everything went black.


	50. 50 - about the halfway mark I thinks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so the last two chapters were a bit....bad. Things aren't looking too good right now. I know. Please, just have faith and keep reading. Just know with this chapter that I've taken a few liberties with things and I'm aware that certain medical and police related things in the story aren't wholly accurate. And I know alot of you guys are pissed at Story!Johnny. I just want to let you all know this: The endgame on this story is still JohnMark happy ending. You just have to be patient and whether the storm to get there. I love all my awesome readers! Please leave lots and lots more comments because I feed off your hype. It is my lifeblood.
> 
> Also, here's a little poll for you guys who read these notes. Drop a comment on which one you want -more-  
> 1\. Jonghoon to return to the story for a bit  
> 2\. A one-shot spin off (like the Taeyu one) showing the conversation Haechan has with Jaehyun about sex  
> 3\. Another super angsty plot twist

Johnny was on edge, and it wasn’t just because the painful edges of sobriety were ripping at his consciousness. He’d fucked up last night. Like, royally fucked up. He’d meant to scare Mark, hurt him a little and make him want to leave Johnny alone. He wasn’t meant to go that far. He wasn’t meant to do that much damage.   
Johnny closed his eyes tightly, face pale as he sipped on the hot coffee he’d just made. He wasn’t supposed to be at work that day and Taeyong had been surprised to see him. But he couldn’t stay at home. Not with the image of Mark’s unconscious body, abused and bleeding on his bed burned into the backs of his eyes.   
Johnny’s first reaction after coming back to his senses had been to grab the nearest receptacle – an antique vase gifted to him by his grandmother – and vomit into it. He then very carefully untied his victim, cleaned him and his wounds, and dressed him. Then, Johnny had panicked. When he woke up, Johnny would be the last thing that Mark would want to see. He gathered up the boy and took him somewhere safe.   
And so, unable to sleep, Johnny had found himself in front of the coffee shop almost as soon as the doors were unlocked. He just made himself a coffee and sat down in a chair, hoping he wasn’t shaking as much as he felt like he was, and waiting for the news.   
“Johnny.” Taeyong’s voice called him out of his thoughts and he looked up. “You okay, Man? You don’t look too good.”  
Johnny nodded. “I’ve been better. Just need some coffee. Maybe a couple shots.”  
Taeyong laughed, but Johnny could see the worry in his eyes. There weren’t any other customers this early, so Taeyong sat down in the seat opposite him. He was nursing his own drink.   
“Did you speak to Yuta?” Johnny asked.   
Taeyong frowned, chewing his lower lip. “I went to DoYoung’s apartment. He was there alone. He wouldn’t let me in.”  
“Give it time.” Johnny sighed. “You’ll get him back.”  
“I don’t even know if I deserve him back.” Taeyong sniffed. “He was always too good for me to start with, and then I abandoned him and I betrayed him and I cheated on him.”  
“You actually, properly cheated on him?” Johnny tilted his eyebrow up. This had been news to him.   
Taeyong sighed. “I took that guy from the party home. I was just… I wasn’t thinking clearly. I don’t deserve forgiveness.”  
Neither did Johnny, he thought to himself. He wouldn’t even ask for it if he had the chance. Johnny didn’t want forgiveness. He deserved whatever wrath the fates decided to throw his way for what he’d done. He’d already known he was a monster. He should have known this would be the way it ended.   
“Have you heard from Mark?” Taeyong’s question gave Johnny a start and he shook his head quickly.   
Taeyong gulped. “I think you should give him a chance to explain. He’s a good kid, and it’s obvious that he’d in love with you. To be fair, I thought you two would have already gotten together by now.”  
Johnny looked down at his hands. “I thought we were…”   
Taeyong’s eyes widened, but Johnny ignored him.   
“I was wrong.”  
“Oh, John.” Taeyong sighed, patting his friend on the shoulder. It did nothing to ease the pain in Johnny’s heart.   
The door jingled, drawing them out of their daze. Both men looked up, surprised to see that it was Yuta standing at the door. He was wearing an oversized sweater and the pair of jeans that Taeyong always said was his favorite. Johnny could see the makeup on his face, hiding his puffy cheeks and red eyes. He was looking around like a bunny in a fox den, ready to bolt at any moment.   
Taeyong stood up. Yuta’s head swiveled their direction and his eyes went wide. He looked like he was going to bolt, and then Lucas’s calming voice came out of nowhere. Johnny had forgotten that he was the other man at work that day.   
“Yuta Hyung!” Lucas was beside him in a moment, giving a wary glance towards Taeyong. “Are you sure you should be here? I told Ten to tell you I could handle the store by myself.”  
Yuta focused his eyes on Lucas, patting the hand Lucas had reached out and held his shoulder with. “I’m fine. I…”  
“I thought Jaena was supposed to come in this morning.” Taeyong’s voice was hesitant, he stepped closer to Yuta. Johnny watched the other shift nervously.   
“She was.” Yuta’s voice was barely a whisper, scratchy as if he’d been crying too hard for too long. He probably had. “But she’s with Mark at the hospital. She called and I told her I’d cover the shift for her.”  
“Hospital?!” Taeyong’s voice rose and Yuta flinched. He lowered his voice. “Sorry. What…what is Mark doing at the hospital?”  
Johnny’s heart lurched. His throat was suddenly too dry and his palms too wet. He could only hope that his expression looked concerned and not guilty.   
Yuta worried his lower lip between his teeth, eyes darting to Johnny, then to Taeyong. “Jaena went to leave her house this morning and found him in a ball on her doorstep. She said… she said he’d been beaten and…”  
“And?” Lucas’s voice wavered.   
Yuta looked up at Lucas, but Johnny was the one who felt the knife to his chest. “He’s been raped.”  
“Who?” Taeyong gaped out.   
Johnny’s heart froze, eyes wide. His ears rang with the word, and he’d known. He’d known what he’d done and he’d known what kind of a monster he was. The scum of the earth, the worst kind of human, everything that he’d ever promised Mark he wouldn’t be.   
Yuta shrugged. “Nobody knows. He wasn’t conscious when she got him to the ER. She told me that the doctor didn’t think most of the injuries were too bad. Some stitches and some internal bleeding that needed surgery. But he… he was out in the cold all night. It snowed. They’re worried about frostbite or hypothermia.”  
Johnny didn’t think he could feel more worried or panicked. Almost to the point where everything inside of him had gone numb. Johnny had left Mark on Jaena’s doorstep thinking he would awaken and bang on the door for help. He’d not expected the boy to… well, he hadn’t known what he’d expected because he hadn’t been in his right might. Johnny hadn’t been sober in months.   
“So, I’ll take Jaena’s shift for today. So that she can stay at the hospital with Mark and DoYoung.” Johnny almost missed the way that Yuta’s eyes glanced towards Taeyong.   
Lucas nodded and left to go back to his own work, sending another glance towards Taeyong. Johnny stared into his coffee, guilt rising like bile in the back of his throat.   
“Yuta.” Taeyong’s voice was soft. He took another hesitant step forward. “Can we talk?”  
Yuta, eyes wide, let out a whimper low in his throat.   
“Please, let me apologize.” Taeyong asked. He was close enough now that he could reach out and brush his fingers against Yuta’s cheek, and he reached up to do just that.   
“Butterflies.” Johnny thought the whispered word choice was an odd one. However, Taeyong reacted like the word was a slap to the face.   
He stepped back with wide eyes, hands stiff at his sides. “S..Sorry.”  
Yuta swallowed and Johnny could see some tears burning at the edges of his eyes. He said nothing, then turned and nearly ran away. Taeyong turned back to Johnny with a sigh. Johnny tried to give him an encouraging smile.   
Taeyong sat back down next to Johnny. “Do you think Mark is going to be okay? Should we visit him after my shift?”

Mark liked the darkness. It was warm and empty. His entire body felt like it was floating, suspended in air. There was silence, pure and empty. There were no voices around him, no sounds in his head, no echoes in his memories. He wanted to stay like this forever, content in his nothingness.   
The universe rarely seemed to give him what he wanted. It felt like being doused with ice water, all of his extremities burned and ached. He felt like he was on fire. He had a piercing headache, and there was noise everywhere. He remembered.  
It took the nurses a good ten minutes to get him to calm down. In the end, they medicated him. He didn’t mind. His body felt heavy and his mind slowed down. He was able to understand that he was no longer tied to Johnny’s bed. He was in a hospital. What had felt like chains around his wrist were medical bracelets. What felt like a knife against his skin was the IV pumping fluids into him.   
“Mark, thank god you’re awake.” The voice was familiar.   
Mark struggled to focus his vision, looking around for the source of the voice. Jaena was sitting in a chair next to the window, holding tightly onto DoYoung’s hand. Both of them looked worried.   
“What happened?” Mark’s voice was sore, scratchy. Talking hurt.  
Jaena jumped up and grabbed a glass of water that was sitting on the bedside table. She pressed the straw to Mark’s lips and he drank as much as he could stomach before pulling away.   
“Actually, we were hoping you could tell us that.” DoYoung spoke.   
Jaena looked down at him with a worried frown on her face. “I found you on my doorstep unconscious and bleeding. Three days ago.”  
So, he’d been out for three days? Mark sighed, resting back against the pillow. Jaena carefully squeezed Mark’s hand.   
“Who did this to you?” She asked.   
Mark heart his heart monitor speed up. Jaena patted his hand soothingly, muttering comforting words. He took a few deep breaths, and then the door opened again. A police officer walked into the room. A gentle woman with a reassuring smile and a big shiny badge.   
“My name is Officer Choi SungJae.” She spoked. “It’s good to see that you’re awake, Mr. Lee. However, there are a few questions that I need to ask you.”  
Mark glanced towards Jaena.   
The office smiled. “Your friends are welcome to stay, if that makes you more comfortable.”  
Mark nodded. DoYoung pulled up the seat for the officer and she thanked him, pulling out her pad and sitting next to Mark’s bed.  
“First, I need to know.” She scribbled something onto the pad. “Do you remember who did this to you?”  
Johnny. Mark gulped. He couldn’t give up Johnny. He couldn’t have him arrested. Mark was a good boy, he wouldn’t betray Johnny.   
“I don’t know.” The lie came easily. Mark had never lied before. Only bad boys lied. Mark wouldn’t give up Johnny. “I didn’t see his face.”  
“Can you tell me what happened?”  
Mark chewed his lip. “I was taking a walk. Somebody grabbed me. I don’t…everything happened so fast. Everything hurt so much. I don’t remember. They left me there, whoever it was. I tried to get help. I guess… I guess I passed out before I was able to knock on Jaena’s door.”  
“Jaena?” The officer looked up at his female friend. “You’re the one who brought him here?”  
Jaena nodded. “I was leaving for work and nearly stepped on him. I brought him straight here.”  
The lady nodded. She asked more questions, tried to pry deeper, find out more information. Mark would only give snippets, just enough. When it was too much, he’d feel himself start to panic and let tears brim against his eyes. Eventually, the officer gave them all a courteous bow and left the room.   
DoYoung was rubbing Mark’s shoulder gently. “You did well, Mark. You did really well.”  
“When can I leave?” He asked, fingers twisting into the blankets covering him.   
“That’s up for the doctor to decide.” Jaena responded. “You’ve been stitched up pretty much. But I’m not sure if you’re over the pneumonia. Mark, they thought you were going to die.”  
Mark bit back his tears. He didn’t want to think about what had happened. He didn’t want to think about anything at all.   
“How’s Yuta.” Mark turned towards DoYoung suddenly with wide eyes. “He’s gets upset when I’m not there.”  
“He’s okay.” DoYoung comforted Mark. “He’s going to work again. He knows where you’re at and that you’re coming back. He still freaks out, but he knows you’re not leaving him.”  
Mark nodded, a lump in his throat and tears in his eyes. He could have died. He wouldn’t have been able to forgive himself if he’d died and left Yuta all on his own. Not when the elder needed him.   
“Mark?” DoYoung asked. “Can I ask you something?”  
Mark nodded.   
“When you got attacked.” DoYoung paused and bit his lip. “I thought you were at Johnny’s house.”  
Mark chewed his lip, looking at his hands. “I…I never made it. I was on my way there when…”  
DoYoung seemed to believe the lie. Mark was getting really good at lies. He gave a glance to Jaena, who seemed to believe him well enough. She was busy tapping away on her phone, probably alerting the rest of their coworkers that he was awake. He wondered if Johnny knew where he was, where he’d been. If he cared.  
Mark didn’t have much time after that to figure out what had been going on with everyone else the last few days. The doctor came in and ushered DoYoung and Jaena out of the room so that they could talk. He checked Mark’s stitches. Ten on each butt cheek and twenty-three going down his right thigh. He also had some inside of his hole. The doctor was very professional and clinical about explaining to Mark that the amount of force that his hole had been subjected to had caused some serious internal damage.   
They ran several tests, took some more blood samples, checked his vitals, and all of the other things that Mark knew were standard procedure in a case like his. He’d studied it enough to know what needed to be done. He barely even needed the explanation from the doctor about how to treat his wounds when he was back home again.   
He was lucky to be released the same day, he thought. He still had a slight fever, but his x-ray showed that his lungs were mostly clear – thanks to being unconscious for a few days to allow himself to heal. They sent him home with nearly a book’s worth of pages to explain how to take care of himself and his wounds, and told him to remain home from school and work until his fever had completely subsided for fourty-eight hours.   
DoYoung had, thankfully, told Mark that he’d spoken to Mark’s teachers and had been gathering notes for him from his missed classes. Jaena came with them as Mark was wheeled out of the hospital and deposited into her car. She drove them home to a nervously waiting Yuta.   
Mark didn’t mind the sharp pain when the elder hugged him until he couldn’t breathe. He was just glad that he hadn’t let Yuta down.


	51. 51 - There were four tornadoes in my city today

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mark talks alot
> 
> Haechan is adorable
> 
> YangYang is stubborn

Yuta refused to let Mark go to work for the next week. Mark felt unbearably guilty about it, knowing that Lucas, Jaena, and DoYoung were taking the brunt of it with having to work extra shifts to cover both his and Yuta’s time away from the store. However, spending the week sitting at homes with Yuta had been a welcome respite.   
They both had nightmares, taking turns waking each other and crying into each other’s arms until they fell back asleep. Some days, they didn’t even get out of bed and just laid, curled together and watching movies on Mark’s phone. Some days Yuta followed Mark into the bathroom because he was afraid to be alone while the other showered. Some days, they snuggled into each other on the couch and talked and talked for hours on end. Mark learned so much more about his boss, his friend, than he ever had known before.   
“I loved him.” Yuta had admitted to him in a whisper on one such day. “I really had loved him, but I don’t think I’d been in love with him for a while. I was being selfish because I was too afraid of losing him. He was always too good for me, anyway.”   
“That’s not true.” Mark tightened his grip on Yuta’s hand, ignoring the vibrant red gashes that peeked from beneath the elder’s sleeves. “You deserve the world, Yuta Hyung.”  
Yuta sniffled. “Tae was the world to me.”  
“Are you going to take him back?” Mark asked, voice hesitant.   
Yuta looked at Mark for so long that he didn’t even think the elder was seeing him anymore. Mark contented himself by playing with Yuta’s fingers until he was ready to talk.  
“He was so good to me.” Yuta whispered, a tear trailing down his cheek. “Even when everyone else said such horrible things about me…”  
“What do you mean?” Mark heard himself ask.   
Yuta sighed. “You’ve seen the way I act. You know that people can be horrible. I was called horrible names, a slut, a whore, disgusting. I like to wear skirts. I didn’t see why it was such a big deal. I guess… I guess that’s one of the reasons I fell out of love with Do.”  
“Because you like skirts?” Mark pouted. DoYoung didn’t seem to be the type who would get upset over something like that.   
Yuta just shrugged. “I was afraid that he wouldn’t like me anymore when he found out the kind of person that I really was. Truly, I didn’t understand it quite myself until Tae… He helped me understand who I was. And he helped me find a way to make the words not hurt anymore.”  
“Should I ask?” Mark quirked his eyebrow up as he noticed the flush across Yuta’s entire face.   
Yuta tucked his head beneath Mark’s chin. “Don’t judge me?”  
“Never.” Mark wrapped his arms around his friend, pulling Yuta into his chest.   
“It’s a sex thing.” Yuta admitted.   
Mark was silent for a while, the words rattling around in his head until it made sense to him. “You like to be called bad things during sex?”  
“Only when he did it.” Yuta whispered again. “I don’t know. There was something about knowing that he didn’t really think of me that way. Or that he could say those things about me, but love me anyways. I guess I was wrong.”  
“But he does love you.”  
“If he loved me, he wouldn’t have cheated on me.” Yuta’s voice broke.   
Mark couldn’t say anything to that. He just held Yuta close as he cried one more time that day. He felt useless. There was nothing that he could do to make the elder feel better. He felt guilty. He liked that he could focus on Yuta’s pain, Yuta’s problems. He used Yuta to forget about his own mess.   
“I know who hurt you.” Yuta’s words almost fell on deaf ears, they were whispered so quietly.   
Mark tensed, his entire body frozen in fear. He felt his heartbeat even paused for a moment in time before it resumed its double time beat inside of his chest. “You…what?”  
“You talk in your sleep.” Yuta muttered, pulling away from Mark. Yuta looked at him with bloodshot eyes and a pout on his face. “I’ve heard you…begging him to stop.”  
“Please don’t tell…” Mark whimpered.   
“Mark…”  
“No.” Mark shook his head, blinking hard to stave off his own tears. “Please, please just don’t tell anybody. Promise me you won’t tell anybody. Please.”  
Yuta looked hesitant, but after a moment he spoke. “I promise I won’t tell.”  
Mark sniffled. “Thank you.”  
Yuta looked away and there was a silence between the two of them again. After a long while, Yuta dared to speak again. “What are you going to do?”  
Mark chewed his lip, finger trailing over the scabbed mark on his wrist where the binging had dug in. “He did it to scare me away.” Mark whispered after a while. “I got the message.”  
Yuta hummed. He moved to lay down, head in Mark’s lap yet always careful of the healing stitches on his leg. He stared forlornly up at the ceiling. “I want him back, but I don’t forgive him. I’m scared. I can’t even look at him without panicking, without hearing all those words and wondering how often he really meant them all. Without wondering if that guy was the first time. Without asking myself why I wasn’t enough.”  
“You were always enough.” Mark tried.   
Yuta sighed. “He saw me next to a bush helping a coworker sort their costume out and assumed that I was cheating on him just because he found out I’d seen my friend’s dick before. If that’s all it takes for him to lose his trust in me…” Yuta’s words broke off as he wiped a fresh set of tears from his eyes. Mark played with his hair gently. “If that’s all it took for him to decide that cheating on me was a good idea… How could our relationship have meant anything to him? How could I?”  
“He was drunk.” Mark responded, petting Yuta’s hair softly, brushing it back from his face. “Everyone was drunk, and we all made a lot of mistakes that night.”  
“He didn’t.” Yuta answered. “He knew what he was doing.”  
Mark didn’t say anything to that. There didn’t seem to be anything that he could say. Words weren’t getting through to the elder man, so nothing Mark could say would make Yuta see sense. It broke Mark’s heart, to see how little Yuta really thought of himself.   
“You know I love you, right?” Mark said after a while, the only thing that he could think to say.   
Yuta’s returning smile was filled with sorrow and tears. “I love you too, Markie.”  
DoYoung woke them up from that same spot later that evening when he came back from his shift at the store and ushered them both into a bath and into their actual bed. Both of them would be returning to work the next day. It wouldn’t be fair to make the others carry the burden any longer than they had.   
Mark was happy to get back to work the next day. He was happy to get back into his old routine. He was even happy that his coworkers hadn’t made such a big deal out of his return as they had last time he’d been out and injured. Jaena watched him carefully out of the corner of her eye, but didn’t force him to let her do all the difficult jobs.   
Mark was sure that Yuta was also happy it was only Haechan manning the coffee counter when they first arrived. Mark didn’t know if either of them would be okay seeing Johnny or Taeyong. Unfortunately, neither of them got much respite because three hours into their shift together, Taeyong and Johnny both walked into the store together.  
Mark watched as Johnny’s eyes fell on him, widened in fear for a fraction of a moment, and then settled into an icy glare before he disappeared into the back of the store. Taeyong’s eyes scanned the store, bloodshot as Yuta’s had been the night before. When he found the person he was looking for, he rushed to Yuta.   
Mark started towards them, to get in between them and protect his friend, but he held himself back. He watched Jaena react the same way as him from the front counter. Yuta pressed the book he was holding to his chest and looked hard down at his feet.   
Mark couldn’t hear was Taeyong was saying from where he stood, the elder was talking in a whisper. Yuta shook his head in response. Taeyong said something else. Yuta looked up at him with wide eyes, an expression of abject horror on his face. Jaena stepped out from behind the counter.   
Before either she or Mark could do anything, Yuta brought the book he’d been cradling down across Taeyong’s face, sending the other man flying. Mark gasped, hand over his mouth. Taeyong looked up at Yuta with shock on his expression, holding the side of his face. Yuta was shaking with the effort to hold in his tears. He looked up, meeting Mark’s eyes, and then bolted into the back room.   
“What the fuck did you say to him?” Jaena hissed, approaching Taeyong.   
“The truth.” Taeyong responded, pulling himself up off the ground. “I just told him the truth.”  
Mark’s heart twisted at the despondent tone in the other’s voice. Taeyong held up a hand to Jaena, who approached as if she were ready to slug him in the face herself.   
Taeyong shook his head and sighed. “Don’t bother, I’m leaving.”  
He took out an envelope, sat it on the counter in front of Haechan, ruffled the boy’s hair, and then walked out of the store without another word. Jaena blinked, unsure of how to react. Mark stood there with his mouth open, looking back and forth between Haechan and the door.   
Haechan picked up the envelope and opened it, pulling out the piece of paper inside and reading it. His face fell, his voice trembled when he told the others what the paper said. “Taeyong Hyung turned in his resignation. Effective immediately.”  
“He quit?” The sound of shock came from behind them, where Yuta was standing with tears in his eyes, still trembling.   
Haechan nodded silently.   
“He…” Tears welled up again.   
Jaena responded, jumping forward to grab Yuta by the elbow, arm wrapped around him carefully. “Come on, Sweetie, let’s go dry your eyes and get you some tea, okay? Mark, call DoYoung and ask him if he can come pick Yuta up. I think he needs to go home.”  
Yuta didn’t even argue, just sniffled and let Jaena lead him back into the break room. Mark sighed and pulled out his cellphone. He paused at the sight of his background. It was a candid photo he’d taken once when he had stayed the night at Johnny’s, a few weeks before everything had happened. They’d just bathed together and Mark had pushed Johnny onto the bed even though he was still a bit wet and only had on his boxers. He’d shoved the camera into the elder’s face with a laugh and snapped the photo while Johnny was laughing and trying his best to cover the lens. Mark hadn’t the heart to change it, even when the sight made something bitter churn inside of his stomach.   
He dialed DoYoung’s number and explained what had happened, asking the elder to come pick Yuta up as quickly as he could. DoYoung agreed, said he’d be there in about half an hour, and hung up the line.   
Mark was the only one left to watch the front, despite how much he wanted to run to the back and check on his friend. Instead, he leaned against the counter of the coffee shop and watched Haechan carefully. The poor, innocent younger boy looked like he was about to break into tears.   
“I’m sorry, Channie.” Mark muttered, taking the warm coffee that he was offered.   
Haechan sniffled. “I just want everyone to be happy again.”  
“I know.” Mark responded. “Me too.”  
They were silent for a while as Mark sipped his coffee. He racked his mind for anything that he could talk about to lighten the suffocating mood within the bookstore. After a while, he remembered something and glanced up carefully at Haechan.   
“How’s Jaehyun?” Haechan immediately flushed at the name.   
“He’s fine.” The younger smiled shyly, suddenly unable to meet Mark’s eyes.   
Mark grinned at the response. “You like him a lot, don’t you?”  
Haechan nodded, a little too forcefully. Mark chuckled again.   
“The two of you look really good together.” Mark answered. “He’s treating you well?”  
“Better than I could have imagined.” Haechan responded. His smile softened and he got this dreamy look in his eyes. Mark almost felt jealous. He wanted that. He was happy Haechan had it, instead of what Mark had ended up receiving. Lies, betrayal, pain. “He’s so good to me, Hyung.”  
“I’m glad.” Mark’s smile faltered when he saw the sudden, uncertain pout flicker onto Haechan’s face.   
“Hyung.” He spoke hesitantly. “Can I ask you something?”  
“Sure.”  
Haechan twisted his fingers, chewing his lip as he mustered up the courage to ask whatever it was that he wanted to ask. After a moment, he scrunched his eyes together cutely and asked. “How do you know when you’re ready to have sex?”  
Mark nearly spit out his coffee, staring with wide eyes at the little boy on the other side of the counter. “What?”  
Haecha ducked his head. “Forget it… It was nothing…”  
“It’s not nothing, Channie.” Mark’s expression softened. “Are you… thinking about having sex with Jaehyun?”  
Haechan’s blush was so dark, his cheeks were nearly purple. He gave one nod.   
“First.” Mark bit his lip, nervousness of his own rising up inside of his chest. “Let me ask. This isn’t because he… Because he’s pressuring you, is it?”  
Haechan’s eyes widened and he shook his head, hands flying. “No! No! Of course not! Hyung, he would never!”  
Mark nodded. “I just had to make sure.”  
Haechan worried his lower lip again. “He hasn’t even said anything about it at all. We… we’ve kissed a few times, and I know that he thinks about it. I just think he’s waiting for me to…”  
“To make the first move.” Mark finished and Haechan nodded shyly.   
“I just… I don’t know if I’m ready.” He peeked up at Mark. “How do I know?”  
Mark thought properly about the answer, taking a long sip of his drink as he did so. After a moment, he gave a heavy sigh. “I’m really not sure how to answer that for you, Channie. It’s not really something that someone else can tell you.”  
“Oh.” The boy looked dejected and Mark frowned.   
“It’s different for everybody, Haechan.” He spoke again. “I think, it’s only something that you can figure out for yourself. You have to ask yourself a lot of questions.”  
“Like what?” Haechan’s expression looked more hopeful looking up at him.   
Mark flailed his hands, unsure of exactly what to say. “Well, like. You have to think about the person you’re going to do it with. Is it someone that you trust? Someone that will take care of you? Someone you won’t regret doing it with?”  
“Jaehyun wouldn’t ever hurt me.” Haechan responded. “I know I want my…my first time to be with him. I just… when?”  
Mark reached over the counter and ruffled Haechan’s hair. “Why don’t you talk to Jaehyun about it? Tell him what you’re thinking, how you feel. He cares about you a lot. The two of you can work it out together.”  
“Like everyone else should have done?” Haechan pouted.   
Mark chuckled. “I guess I just realized that mistake a little too late. All of this could have been avoided if everyone had just…manned up and been honest from the start.”  
“It can still be fixed.” Haechan supplied hopefully.  
“Taeyong and Yuta, hopefully.” Mark responded. “Once they stop being stuborn.”  
“They’re both hurting.” Haechan said. “But at least Taeyong is trying.”  
“I tried with Johnny.” Mark ventured, glancing carefully at the younger. “He’s decided he doesn’t want to fix this, though.”  
Haechan gave Mark a gentle, pitying smile. “Just give him some time, Hyung. He’ll come around.”  
Mark hummed, but didn’t answer. He didn’t want to burst the kid’s bubble. Johnny and Mark would never work things out. Johnny had made sure of that.  
“Have YangYang and DoYoung worked things out yet?” Haechan asked.   
“Why do you ask?” Mark furrowed his eyebrows.   
Haechan looked past Mark, towards the door where the bell had just jingled. Mark turned around to look. YangYang stood in the doorway with a nervous smile on his face. “Hi, guys.”


	52. 52 - There were twenty police cars in a high speed chase that zoomed past me today

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOW they use communication...
> 
> YangYang is aggressively communicative
> 
> Yuta needs help

“Hi YangYang.” Mark couldn’t help but smile when he saw his friend. He hadn’t seen him since the Halloween party.   
“Mark!” His nervous smile widened and he bounced up to Mark, hugging him gently. “How are you? I heard that you were hospitalized recently.”  
Mark returned the hug. “I’m doing much better now. How are you?”  
“Better.” YangYang pulled away with the smile still on his face. “I’m doing much better.”  
“Why are you here?” Mark asked.   
YangYang glanced around then, looking for something. His expression fell when he didn’t find who he was searching for and he turned back to Mark. “I was hoping that I could catch DoYoung here today. I… I wanted to talk to him.”  
“Oh. He’s not working today.” Haechan pushed a cup of coffee Mark hadn’t noticed him get towards YangYang. He gave the other boy a hopeful smile. “But he’ll be here in a little while.”  
“He’s coming to pick up Yuta and take him home.” Mark explained as YangYang took a sip of his drink.   
“Has something happened to him?” He asked.   
Mark sighed, looking towards the back of the store. “He’s not been doing well since Taeyong…left.”  
“Taeyong Hyung came in today and talked to him and he got upset, so he’s going to go home for a while.” Haechan’s voice was soft.   
YangYang’s smile turned sad, but remained on his face. “I’m sorry for him. I know how hard it must be…”  
Mark nodded. “I was hoping they would work it out, but I don’t know anymore. I think it’s going to be a little more complicated than just making them talk it out.”  
“I’m sure it’ll work out.” YangYang smiled. “You and Johnny, too.”  
Mark froze, his smile faltering on his face before he caught his composure. He chuckled softly and shook his head. “Johnny and I already worked it out.”  
“Really?!” YangYang looked so pleased.  
Mark looked away, sipping on his own drink. He stared into his cup for lack of anywhere better to look. “We decided that it would be best if we just stopped being friends.”  
“What?!” YangYang’s voice was so loud that Mark actually flinched away from him. The younger boy looked absolutely distraught. “But he loves you!”  
“Our friendship was based on lies.” Mark admitted. “He lied to me and I lied to him. What’s the point of a friendship when we can’t even trust each other?”  
YangYang pouted, arms crossed over his chest. “I don’t accept it.”  
Mark sighed with a light shrug. “Well, I don’t know what to tell you, then.”  
YangYang was about to respond, but another familiar voice distracted them from their conversation. DoYoung had barreled through the door, frantic enough that he didn’t notice YangYang standing next to Mark when he stormed up to him and took him by the arms.  
“Where is he? What’s happened?” DoYoung asked. “Is he okay?”  
Mark pried Doyoung’s fingers off him with a comforting smile. “He’s fine. He’s in the back with Jaena. I’ll go tell them that you’re here. In the mean-time, I think you need to talk with someone.”  
“What do you mean?” DoYoung frowned, eyes widening when he turned to realize that YangYang was standing beside him. “Oh… Um… I don’t think…”  
YangYang’s smile disappeared, his expression becoming serious. “No, you don’t think. And you’re going to listen to me, okay?”  
“I’ll just….” Mark smiled nervously and pointed towards the back of the store, dismissing himself. He felt awkward just standing there watching the two of them talk, so he disappeared. However, he was too curious to just go to the back and so he tucked behind a shelf and watched. Haechan had sorted himself on the opposite side of the coffee counter, pretending to focus very hard on cleaning the espresso machine.   
“This whole thing is stupid.” YangYang huffed, taking DoYoung by the wrist. “So if you’re not going to talk, then you’re going to listen. I like you. I like you, a lot, and I know that you like me, too. I don’t know why you refuse to give us a chance. Whether you’re still hung up on an ex, or you think I’m too young, or you think I’m too innocent, or I deserve better, or whatever stupid reason you’ve got to think we won’t work. I don’t care. I don’t care about any of that because we will. I know we will, and I’m not going to give up until you’ve given me a chance.”  
Mark watched on with bated breath, eyes wide as his fingers clung to the shelf. He peeked through the gap above the books and watched DoYoung for his reaction. The elder seemed to be regarding YangYang closely, fear on his face. He licked his lips and looked around, carefully taking his arm away from YangYang.   
“Don’t fuck this up, Hyung.” Mark whispered to himself.   
DoYoung stepped back from YangYang. “You’re right. I… I do like you. Quite a lot. And you’re right, I don’t think that we will work out. I am still hung up on my ex. I do think you’re too young to get mixed up with somebody like me. I do think you’re too innocent, maybe not sexually, but emotionally or something. And you’re definitely right about not being good enough for you. We’re just too different. It won’t work.”  
“Do you think I care about any of that stuff?” YangYang asked. “Those are all things we can work through, together.”  
DoYoung sighed. “Yang, please don’t do this.”  
“No.” YangYang frowned. “We’re having this conversation. Tell me. Tell me why you’re so against us.”  
“Because I don’t want to hurt you.” DoYoung huffed, frustrated.  
“What makes you think you will?” YangYang crossed his arms over his chest.   
DoYoung pinched the bridge of his nose. “Would it hurt you if I accidentally called you my exes name in bed? Would it hurt you to know that sometimes I’m with you, but I’m thinking of him? Will it hurt you when I wander off while we’re supposed to be on a date and you find me flirting with some random girl? Because those are the kinds of things that I do, Yang.”  
Mark could see the younger boy’s chin trembling, the sadness in his eyes. YangYang took a deep breath and swallowed. “Those are all bridges we can cross when we get there.”  
“Dammit, Yang!” DoYoung snapped. “Why won’t you just accept this?”  
“Because I refuse to miss our chance to make something good with each other just because you’re afraid!” YangYang yelled out. “Because I don’t care what you think I deserve or what you think is going to hurt me! Because I love you and I want to be with you and I’m not giving up on that!”  
Mark clasped a hand over his mouth, near in the same way that YangYang did when DoYoung spun on him after he’d spoken.  
“You…” DoYoung’s voice faltered, eyes wide. “You can’t love me…”  
“Why not?” YangYang was glaring now, hands balled to fists at his side.   
“I’m…” DoYoung’s eye fell on his shoes. “I’m not worthy.”  
YangYang sighed, his hand trembled as he reached up and pressed his palm against DoYoung’s face. “You are one of the most amazing, caring, giving people I have ever met in my life, Do. You are beautiful, inside and out. Just please, give me a chance. A chance to show you that you are…you are worthy.”  
Mark held his breath. For a moment, it looked like DoYoung was going to fight him again, hands wrapping into his shirt like he was going to shove the younger away from him. Mark nearly let out a squeal of surprise when instead of pushing him, the elder pulled YangYang to him and pressed their lips together. YangYang almost immediately pulled himself in and returned the kiss.   
Mark decided that this would be the best time for him to actually leave, and so he spun towards the back of the store. When he pushed open the door to the break room, he found himself biting his tongue. Jaena was sitting with Yuta on the couch, urging a cup of tea towards his mouth. He was no longer choking out sobs, but tears still flowed easily down his face. It was the third person in the room that made Mark’s heart still. Johnny, sitting at the table with a file and a cup of coffee.   
Mark felt Johnny’s eyes on him as he pushed further into the room. He kept his eyes on the floor and gave a curt bow towards the elder before turning to Jaena and Yuta. “DoYoung is here.”  
Yuta sniffled and wiped his eyes. Jaena nodded. She helped Yuta up and with an arm wrapped around him, started towards the door. Yuta jumped on Mark the moment he was within reach, wrapping his arms around the younger. Mark swallowed, aware of the eyes burning a hole in his head.   
Mark patted Yuta on the back. “You go ahead and get out of here. I’ll see you at home.”  
“Are you going to talk to him?” Yuta whispered back.   
Mark gave one nod.   
Yuta whimpered, pulling him tighter for a moment. “Good luck.” He whispered in the younger’s ear. Jaena took him again and tugged him gently out of the door.   
Mark tried to steady his breathing at the click of the door, leaving him and Johnny alone in the room together. He stood there, eyes on the floor for a while, Johnny’s eyes burning his skin. Neither seemed to want to speak first.   
“I didn’t tell them it was you.” Mark was the one to speak first.   
“I noticed.” Johnny’s voice sounded cold.   
Mark twisted his fingers nervously, shifting his weight from foot to foot despite the light sting from the healing stitches on his lower half. “I just wanted to tell you… I got your message loud and clear. I’ll leave you alone from now on. We can…we can pretend that night never happened. And I’ll just be… nothing more than a coworker to you from now on.”  
Mark dared a glance up at Johnny, but he couldn’t read the other’s expression. He chewed his lip, eyes darting back to the scar on his wrist. His finger traced over it gently.   
“That…that’s all I had to say. So…well… Goodbye, Johnny-ssi.” Mark bowed properly to the elder and then spun to leave the room as quickly as he could.   
He didn’t feel like he could breathe properly until he was back at the front of the store. Yuta was curled into DoYoung’s chest, his shoulders shaking with the other man’s arms wrapped around him protectively. DoYoung was glancing nervously at YangYang, who had both hands wrapped around his cup of coffee with a soft smile on his face. Jaena was facing down DoYoung and talking to him. Mark walked up and stood beside her.   
“Don’t you dare leave him alone for any reason.” Jaena ordered. “I don’t care if you have to sit in the bathroom while he takes a shit, you do not leave him alone.”  
“He’ll be fine, Jaena.” DoYoung huffed, petting Yuta’s hair. “I’ll take care of him.”  
Jaena frowned, her eyes darting between Jaena and YangYang as if somehow the younger’s presence made her question DoYoung’s reliability.   
“My shift only has three more hours.” Mark spoke up. “Can you stay with him until I get home?”  
DoYoung, once more, glanced at YangYang. He nodded with a determined smile. “I’ll take care of him.”  
Mark nodded. “We’ll talk when I get home, okay?”  
“Okay.”  
“Do.” YangYang tugged at the elder’s sleeve, releasing his lip from between his teeth. “Can you meet me when Mark gets home? To finish our talk?”  
DoYoung’s eyes glanced to Mark and the younger nodded brightly. “It’ll be alright. I’ll keep Yuta company while you’re gone.”  
“Alright.” DoYoung nodded, his smile was hesitant, but it was there. “Mark, we can talk when you get home. I’ll cook you guys something to eat before I go to YangYang’s.”  
Mark smiled, he reached out and took Yuta’s hand. “You’ll be alright while I’m gone?”  
Yuta sniffled and nodded, giving Mark’s hand a reassuring squeeze. The four of them watched the two walk out the door, Yuta pressed to DoYoung’s side as his knees shook with each step. The door jingled behind them, leaving the rest of the group in silence.   
Jaena was the first to speak. “This whole thing is way too fucked up.”  
Mark hummed in agreement. “I hope they’ll work this out soon. I don’t know how much more of this Yuta can take. What…” Mark glanced at Jaena. “Did Yuta tell you what Taeyong said to him?”  
Jaena ran a hand through her hair with a frown. “Not directly, but I can infer that it was some sort of final goodbye?”  
Mark sighed. “Bastard.”  
“He’s hurting, too.” YangYang spoke up.   
The other three turned to look at YangYang. He smiled uncomfortably and shrugged. “He’s been spending a lot of time with Johnny Hyung lately. And I’ve been over there a few times while he was around. I may have… heard him talking.”  
“What did he say?” Jaena asked. “Nobody’s been able to get Taeyong to talk.”  
YangYang glanced around, as if afraid Taeyong would suddenly appear and bash his head in for talking about this.   
“Well…” YangYang sighed. “He’s hurt about what he’s done. He regrets it. He’s tried to apologize, to talk to Yuta, but Yuta refuses to speak to him. He seems to think that he never deserved Yuta in the first place and that this whole experience is the best time to back off so that Yuta can be with someone who actually deserves him.”  
“That’s bullshit.” Jaena huffed.   
YangYang sighed. “I know.”  
“Yuta only wants Taeyong.” Mark said. “He thinks Taeyong hates him. He’s constantly wondering what he did wrong, why he wasn’t enough. But he wants to forgive him, he just needs time.”  
“I don’t think Taeyong Hyung has time.” Haechan’s soft voice spoke up. “He’s already left the store. He loved this store almost as much as Johnny Hyung does.”  
Mark nodded, a somber expression on his face. “I’ll talk to Yuta tonight.”


	53. 53 - Anybody got any good BTS, EXO, or SKZ fanfic recs for me? I need something good to read

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are getting bad for Yuta
> 
> Things are getting good for DoYoung
> 
> Mark just wants to pretend that he's not breaking

Mark was on edge to get home the rest of his shift, despite DoYoung’s text updates every twenty minutes about how Yuta was doing.   
He’s still crying.  
I was finally able to get him to eat something.  
He’s in the bath now. I’m sitting in the hallway with the door open.  
He’s crying again.  
Mark pulled out his phone with every vibration of the tone. Johnny coming out of the back room and taking up a spot behind the coffee counter didn’t make it any easier for Mark to concentrate on his actual job. He was lucky that Jaena decided that she was going to keep herself on the cash register while Mark was tasked with straightening aisles.   
He nearly flew out of the shop the moment his shift was over. The bus couldn’t come soon enough and his feet barely touched the pavement on the way to the apartment, up the stairs, and to the door.   
Mark stumbled into the house, breathing heavy, to find Yuta curled up on the couch with his head in DoYoung’s lap. DoYoung was reading aloud from a book while his free hand carded through Yuta’s hair. Yuta’s eyes were fluttering, as if he were fighting sleep.   
Mark dropped down to his knees in front of his older friend, smiling carefully. “Hey, Yuta Hyung. How are you doing?”  
“Sleepy.” His voice was scratchy, raw from his sobs. His lips curved down into a pout.   
Mark nodded. “Can I borrow DoYoungie for a bit?”  
Yuta nodded, pushing himself up. DoYoung closed the book and sat it on the table, standing and stretching. He reached down and ruffled Yuta’s hair.   
“Why don’t you find a movie to watch while Mark and I talk?” He suggested.   
Yuta nodded, yawning. Mark followed DoYoung into the kitchen, where they had privacy yet could still keep an eye on Yuta.   
DoYoung sighed, wiping his face with his hands, the moment he was out of earshot of Yuta. “He’s not taking this well, Mark. If we thought he was bad before, whatever Taeyong told him… It’s not looking good.”  
Mark chewed his lip. “I’ll talk to him. Maybe I should talk to Taeyong? Maybe I can get through to him.”  
“Someone’s got to do something.” DoYoung responded. “I already talked to Taeyong. I don’t know what else to do.”  
Mark leaned against the counter, peeking out to watch Yuta. He had grabbed the remote and started scrolling through the list of movies DoYoung had. It didn’t look like the younger was even paying much attention. His shoulders were shaking again.   
“I just want him to be okay.” DoYoung whimpered, voice barely heard.  
“Me too.” Mark muttered. Silence filled the space between the two of them for a moment before Mark spoke again, changing the subject. “So tell me what happened between you and YangYang.”  
DoYoung’s expression immediately changed, a bashful smile taking over his face. His ears tinted pink. “Um. We’re going to talk about some stuff.”  
“What stuff?” Mark urged.   
DoYougn scratched the back of his neck. “Stuff about us?”  
Mar quirked an eyebrow.  
DoYoung huffed. “Like I don’t know you were hiding behind a bookshelf and heard the whole conversation. I could see you peeking.”  
Mark grinned a guilty smile. “What about after that?”  
DoYoung bit his lip, but he couldn’t keep the smile off his face for too long. “He showed up just to convince me that we could work, and I… I kind of really want that?”  
“Good for you.” Mark grinned. “You deserve to be happy.”  
DoYoung sighed. “I don’t know if it’ll work out, Mark. I’m scared. I haven’t been in a relationship in four years.”  
“That won’t matter to YangYang.” Mark answered. “Trust me, he likes you so much. He’s patient.”  
DoYoung busied himself pouring a drink, some vodka and orange juice. He offered Mark a glass, but the younger declined.   
“He wants to talk more about giving us a try.” DoYoung spoke. “It’s just… he sounds so sure of us, so positive that this will work out. It makes me was to try… Against my better judgement.”  
“Do you want my advice?” Mark asked.  
DoYoung looked at him silently for a moment. “If I say no, are you still going to give it to me?”  
“Yes.” Mark grinned.  
DoYoung sighed dramatically. “Fine, tell me. What’s your advice, oh gracious Mark?”  
Mark rolled his eyes, but he leaned forward before speaking. “I think that you try. Don’t think about what might go wrong, just hope that everything will turn out alright. If you try to go into a relationship only thinking about what might mess it up, you’ll end up sabotaging yourself. Everything will mess up before you even get a chance to start. YangYang cares about you a lot. He wants to make this work. The only question you need to ask yourself, the only thing that matters, is do you care about him enough to make the same effort?”  
DoYoung’s lips thinned into a line as he mulled over Mark’s words in his mind. Mark took the chance to glance back into the living room. Yuta was still sat in the same spot, but he had dropped sideways onto the couch and seemed to just be staring into the middle distance.   
“I do.” Mark turned back when DoYoung answered. His eyes were wide, as if realization was dawning on him in that moment. “I really do. I care about him so, so much. I want this to work.”  
Mark grinned. “Then how about you give him a call and head out to see him, then? I’ll stay here and talk with Yuta.”  
DoYoung pulled Mark into a hug, squeezing him gently enough that his lingering injuries didn’t twinge too badly. “Thank you, Mark. Thank you. I owe you so much for this.”  
Mark just laughed and shooed DoYoung off. He grabbed a soda and went to sit down next to Yuta. DoYoung disappeared into his room to change quickly before giving Yuta and Mark a quick goodbye.   
Mark brushed his fingers through Yuta’s hair. “Wanna talk about it?”  
Yuta shook his head.   
Mark sighed. “You need to talk about it.”  
Yuta shifted away from Mark, stubbornly wrapping himself into a ball and looking the other direction. Mark sighed, gently pulling Yuta’s arms away from his knees.   
“Come on, Yuta Hyung.” Mark coaxed. “Please talk to me. We’re all so worried about you. I’m worried about you.”  
“I’ll be fine.” Yuta finally spoke, though it was barely more than a whisper.   
“What did he tell you?” Mark asked. “Before he…what did he tell you?”  
Yuta frowned and shook his head. Mark squeezed his hand, rubbing his thumb soothingly over the back of Yuta’s hand.   
“Please?” He urged.  
Yuta whimpered, tears welling up in his eyes again. “I don’t want to talk about this. It hurts.”  
“Please.” Mark spoke again.   
Yuta shot Mark a glare. “Why don’t you talk about what happened between you and Johnny, then?”  
Mark’s eyes widened, a panic jolting through his chest. He’d been so focused on helping his friends, he’d yet to put much thought into what had happened to himself. So far, his coping mechanism had been to ignore the situation altogether. He took a breath, determination on his features.   
“Fine.” He released Yuta’s hand to pop the top of his soda. Yuta whipped his head around to look at Mark in shock. Mark stared down at his drink. “If you talk about Taeyong. I’ll talk about Johnny.”  
Yuta licked his lips, shifting so that he was facing Mark. Mark shifted as well, so that each of them were sitting with their backs against the arm of the couch, facing each other, knees pulled up to their chests. “Okay.”  
Mark nodded. “Tell me what Taeyong said to you.”  
“He said that he was going to leave and that I needed to get over it because he’s not coming back.” Yuta forced the words out, then spun back with a question of his own. “Why don’t you want to tell anyone it was Johnny that hurt you?”  
“Because I know if he wasn’t messed up, he wouldn’t have done it.” Mark answered. “Why won’t you forgive him?”  
“I already have.” Yuta answered. “Why are you not more upset about what happened to you?”  
“I haven’t really been thinking about it much. I don’t see the point. What happened has happened and I can’t change it, I can only move forward. I learned my lesson about moping over the past with Jeno.” Mark answered, though it was only a half truth. “If you’ve forgive him, why haven’t you taken him back?”  
“Because I’m too scared.” Yuta whimpered. “I don’t want to get hurt again. I want to. I want to be with him so, so badly. But I’m afraid that if I give it another chance, I’ll just get broken all over again.”   
“What if I you just talked to him?” Mark asked. “Just explain how you feel.”  
Yuta shook his head. “I don’t think I can handle it.”  
“You won’t know until you try.” Mark tried.  
Yuta stared at him quietly for a long time. He seemed to be thinking something and Mark just let him ponder in his thoughts until he decided to speak again.   
“How can you be so strong?” Yuta asked in a whisper, wrapping his arms tight around his legs. “Something terribly, horribly awful happened to you. And it was someone you trusted. But you… You’re…”  
“I’m not anything special.” Mark muttered.  
Yuta shook his head. “No, see. What happened to you was comparatively worse than what happened to me, but here I am a blubbering fucking baby, and you’re the one giving me support.”  
“You can’t compare trauma.” Mark answered. “Trauma is trauma, no matter how severe, and everyone handles it differently.”  
“Still, I’m the elder. I should be the one supporting you. I feel so useless.” Yuta pouted.  
Mark shook his head. “You’re not useless.”  
Yuta shot him a glare.   
Mark kept talking. “To be honest, I’m not as okay as you think I am. Hyung? I feel like… I feel like I’m going to break apart at any minute. I’ve just been, like, avoiding it? It’s easy to appear strong when you’re just ignoring everything wrong in your life.”  
“Like sitting at the kitchen table while the kitchen is on fire, but you’re only worried about counting the marshmallows in the cereal bowl.” Yuta muttered.   
“Yeah. Like that.” Mark looked down at his hands. “I’ve been focusing so much on trying to make sure everyone else was okay that I haven’t given myself time to actually process what happened. I’m sure when it finally catches up on me, it’ll be hell. I’m just trying to wait until everyone else is okay first.”  
“You’re too worried about me to be worried about yourself.” Yuta muttered.  
“You’re my friend.” Mark responded. “I care about you. I’d much rather sit here and watch bad movies and cuddle with you until your tears dry than think about what happened. Because I know that if I do that, I’ll do something else stupid. Like convince myself to go talk to him again.”  
“Why?” Yuta’s expression was flabbergasted.   
Mark shrugged and sighed. “Because if I start thinking about it, I’ll try to figure out why he did it. I know that he was messed up, he’s been messed up for a while and I should have seen it sooner. I should have said something, or done something. I should have helped. I know, somehow, in his messed up state, that he probably thought it was the best way to keep me away from him. I just… I want to know why. Why would he want me to stay away? Why doesn’t he want to talk this out? Fix this?”  
Yuta chewed his lip. “Do you still want to fix things? After everything?”  
“Yes.” Mark didn’t have to think about the answer to that question.   
“How can you forgive him for that?” Yuta asked, wide eyed.  
Mark sighed, staring at his forgotten soda. “I haven’t forgiven him. I’m not sure if I can. But it’s just not who I am to walk away without doing absolutely everything I can to fix things first.”  
“That’s why you stayed with Jeno for so long?” Yuta asked. “Why you kept talking to him even after you left him?”  
Mark nodded. “Partly, yes.”  
“What are you going to do?” Yuta asked.   
“I don’t know.” Mark shrugged. “I can’t approach him again. Honestly, facing him is terrifying right now. I can still feel…what he did. All I can really do is wait.”  
“Wait?” Yuta asked. “For what?”  
“For him to approach me.” Mark shrugged. “For him to get so far gone that he ends up in the hospital? Or dead?”  
“He wouldn’t…” Yuta’s eyes widened. “W…would he?”  
“I don’t know.” Mark whispered, fingers ghosting over the lines of his wrist scars. “I hope it doesn’t get that far. I hope that he realizes what he’s done. I hope he cleans himself up. I hope he gets better and tries to make things right. Because if… if he does, then I’ll forgive him. Then I think I’d be able to.”  
“You really do love him, don’t you?” Yuta asked. Mark could heart the sense of awe in his voice.   
Mark bit his lip, but nodded hesitantly. “I do. I really, really do.”


	54. 54 - I've got to make a difficult decision now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YangYang is life
> 
> Mark starts to talk
> 
> Decisions are made

Mark was still awake late that night when DoYoung returned to the apartment. Yuta was sleeping peacefully in their shared bed. Mark hadn’t been able to get to sleep. His mind had been thinking about what had happened. How he hadn’t processed it in his mind yet. His mind had been buzzing with thoughts, trying to rationalize why he wasn’t as upset as he felt like he should be.  
He was sitting on the couch with the bedroom door open so that he could listen for Yuta when DoYoung quietly slipped through the door. He grinned sheepishly when Mark peered at him over the back of the couch. His hair was disheveled and his shirt was buttoned incorrectly.  
“I assume everything went well, then?” Mark whispered.  
DoYoung nodded, blush painting his cheeks, as he slipped into a seat beside Mark. He was biting the inside of his lip.   
Mark chuckled. “I know you want to talk about it.”  
“Can I?” DoYoung asked. “Wait, why are you even awake?”  
Mark shrugged. “Yuta’s sleeping. I’m just… not tired.” It wasn’t entirely a lie. “Come on, I want to hear all about what happened with you and YangYang.”  
DoYoung scratched at the nape of his neck, eyes on his knees. “Well, it seemed like he’d already known I was going to accept this when I showed up. He answered the door in his Halloween costume.”  
Mark gasped dramatically; eyes wide. He threw a hand over his mouth to cover the grin. “So, did you two fuck?”  
“No.” DoYoung gave Mark a side-eyed stare, his ears tinted pink. “He called it… making love.”  
Mark couldn’t help the giggles. He pressed his fist to his mouth to keep the sound down, not wanting to wake the other sleeping male. “Jesus Christ, Do. So, you really went for it, didn’t you?”  
DoYoung sighed. “I thought about what you said, and you were right. I really, really like him. I think… I could possibly love him. In time. But I don’t want to miss this chance just because I’m too chicken shit to man up. I want to make this work.”  
“Good.” Mark was smiling again. “I’m so happy for you. One question, though.”  
DoYoung hummed, pausing as he picked at his nails to look up at Mark.   
“If things went so well, why are you coming back here at two in the morning instead of just staying the night there?”  
DoYoung chuckled softly. “Oh, yeah. I was going to stay the night there but YangYang suggested I come back home. To check on Yuta.”  
“You were worried?”  
DoYoung nodded. “I told him everything. About Yuta and I. He didn’t seem too surprised, but he understood. He knows… he knows that my concern right now isn’t because I want to get Yuta back or anything. Because I don’t. But…”  
“But we’re all worried about him right now.” Mark finished.   
“Yeah.” DoYoung sighed, running his hands through his hair. “I’ve never seen him like this, Mark. Yuta’s been through the shit and I’ve never seen him like this. I’m starting to think…”  
DoYoung didn’t finish his sentence, leaving a terse silence in the air between them. Mark didn’t want to be the one to break it because DoYoung had suddenly dropped, his happiness from other replaced with the overwhelming veil of oncoming dread that had recently been plaguing them all.   
“How have you been doing?” DoYoung asked.  
“Fine.” Mark responded. “I hardly hurt anymore. The stitches are starting to itch. Sitting is more comfortable recently.”  
DoYoung chuckled with him at the slight attempt at humor, but his expression turned serious once more. “You know that I’m here, right? If you ever want to talk about things? I mean, I could never imagine what it was that you went through. I couldn’t imagine how it’s affected you. And I know that it probably seems like I’ve been more worried about myself, and about Yuta. I haven’t actually had a chance to tell you that I’m worried about you, too. We’re friends, yeah? So, I’ll be here if you need me.”  
“Thanks.” Mark muttered. His heart felt suddenly warm and a small smile graced his face. It seemed to take him a moment before he realized that DoYoung was still watching him, waiting for him to say something.   
He took a breath and spoke. “To be honest, I haven’t really given much thought to what happened to me. I’m afraid that if I do, I’ll just… break.”  
“That part, I can understand.” DoYoung responded. “Just know this, okay? You’ve got a whole support system of people behind you, now. Me, Yuta, Haechan and Ten and Lucas, Jaena, all of us. Even if you do break, we’ll all be there to help put you back together. You’re part of the family now.”  
“I know.” Mark sighed, looking away. “I know.”  
“You don’t have to go through this alone, like you did with Jeno.” DoYoung moved closer to Mark on the couch and pulled the smaller boy into his embrace.   
Mark hummed, shifting around as best he could to get comfortable in DoYoung’s hold. “What happened to me was scary and painful, but it’s not like I haven’t experienced that type of treatment before. I guess that’s why it wasn’t as upsetting to me as it should have been? Because I was already used to the pain because of Jeno?”  
“That’s still doesn’t make it right.” DoYoung whispered.  
Mark sighed. “Every time I start to think about what happened I just feel…numb. I should be upset; I should be angry. I mean, look at my hair!”   
Indeed, Mark had been forced to get his hair restyled shortly after leaving the hospital. Huge tufts of it had been ripped out, leaving him nearly bald in some spots. His once beautiful blonde curls was now a barely there buzz.   
DoYoung chuckled, grazing his fingers over a patch of the soft hair. There were still healing scabs where his scalp had bled and DoYoung was careful of these spots. “I think it looks really cute.”  
“I look like I’m about to go in for some kind of brain surgery. Or that I’m going to enlist soon.” Mark shuddered. Then he sighed again and shook his head. “I just think about what happened and the only thing I feel is upset with myself because I don’t seem to feel upset at all.”  
“The thing about trauma.” DoYoung responded, chin resting on Mark’s shoulder as his spoke. “There’s never any right or wrong way to deal with it. Just because other people cry when they hurt doesn’t mean that you’re not still hurting even when you don’t cry.”  
“I guess you’re right.” Mark sighed.   
“That tends to happen.” DoYoung chuckled. “Now come on, I think we both need to go to bed.”  
Mark nodded, letting DoYoung help him up off the couch. They hugged one more time before Mark shuffled into his room and curled up under his sheets next to the still sleeping Yuta. It still took him a while to fall into a rather fitful sleep.   
It seemed like only a few minutes after he’d fallen asleep that his alarm was blaring at him to wake up once more. He whined, rolling over despite the weight of Yuta’s arms around his middle, and turned the cursed machine off.   
“No.” Yuta whined, his voice still groggy with sleep. “Warm.”  
“I’ve got school, Hyung.” Mark chuckled lightly.   
Yuta continued to whine, tugging at Mark as he tried to pull himself out of the elder’s grasp. He leaned back down and pressed his lips to the elder’s forehead, petting his hair with a soft smile. “I’ll come back home after class to check in on you. Will you be alright while I’m gone?”  
Yuta curled back up in the blankets and he smiled despite the sadness in his eyes. “I’m fine, really.”  
Mark only pressed his lips together and nodded. “Call me if you need anything.”  
“I’ll be fine, Mark.”  
“I just worry.”   
“I know.” Yuta sat up, blanket falling around his waist.   
He reached out with one hand and grabbed at Mark’s fingers, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. “You know, I never told you thank you. You’ve been such a good friend to me.”  
“Hyung…”   
“No, no.” Yuta smiled and released Mark’s hand. “You hurry up and get ready for school. I think I’m just going to sleep a little while longer.”  
Mark was silent for a moment, contemplating Yuta’s behavior. After a long moment, he just sighed, muttered out an okay, and went to sort out something to wear for the day. He ended up dressed in his favorite pair of loose jeans – the ones that didn’t rub against the stitches on his inner thigh – and a light blue turtleneck sweater with a grey knit cap to cover his missing hair. Yuta was already asleep again by the time Mark was tying his laces.   
He bid DoYoung a farewell, taking the cookie he was offered in leu of breakfast, and dashed out the door. The bus was full and he ended up having to stand for some of the ride, but he made it to campus on time. His classes were the same as always, full of too much information delivered in the most boring way. Mark had been feeling so far behind lately, having missed so much work because of his hospital stays. Midterms were coming up in a few weeks as well, and Mark felt entirely unprepared for the numerous projects and tests that he would be made to take.   
He stuck close to his friends between classes, hoping their steady conversation could keep his mind from wandering to things he’d rather not think about. He had been thankful that none of them had tried to press for an explanation for his injuries, only telling him they were glad he was back and feeling better, then moving on with the conversation.   
He took every free moment to text Yuta, but hadn’t gotten any response until near noon. Yuta had sent him a text saying he’d just woken up and was about to take a bath with a smiling emoji. Mark immediately texted DoYoung, who confirmed that he was making Yuta eat some breakfast while his water was running.   
It was his friend SooYoung who noticed the soft smile on Mark’s face and made a comment about it.   
“It’s my coworker.” Mark responded, looking down at his phone as another text from Yuta lit up his screen. “He’s been going through a really bad breakup and been staying with me and my roommate for a while.”  
“Oh, rebound, then?” SooYoung wiggled her eyebrows suggestively and Mark laughed as he typed out his response.   
“Nothing like that. It’s just that today seems to be a good day for him, so I’m happy.”  
SooYoung leaned her elbows on the table in the café where they sat having lunch, spooning some yogurt into her mouth. “He took it hard?”  
Mark nodded, frown tipping his lips south. “He was really bad the first couple of days. He tried to… he did something stupid. He seemed to be getting better, but then his ex showed up at work.”  
“Relapse?”  
Mark hummed thoughtfully. “I don’t know. I don’t think so. I mean, he was a mess that day, but he seems to be fine. Maybe a little better than before? But I think that’s just making me more worried than I was in the beginning.”  
SooYoung nodded, her expression gentle. “Well, I hope that things work out.”  
“I was actually thinking about finding his ex. Trying to convince the two of them to work things out.”  
“You think that’s the best option?”  
“It’s complicated.”  
“What about your love life?” Her lip’s tilted up teasingly.   
Mark rolled his eyes. “Non-existent.”  
“What about that Johnny guy you said you were seeing for a while?”  
Mark shook his head. “That’s not a thing anymore.”  
Her eyebrow quirked, but she seemed to be able to read Mark’s expression and didn’t press further. Instead, she brought up something else that Mark hadn’t thought about in a while.   
“What about that singer you said you went on a date with?”   
“Jonghoon?” Mark’s eyes widened. He hadn’t spoken to the older man in a long time. They’d messaged a few times after Jonghoon had called things off after one date, but that hadn’t lasted long. “We decided to just stay friends.”  
“Too bad.” SooYoung stood, her yogurt finished. “You seemed really happy after your date with him.”  
Mark chuckled. “It was nice, but I don’t think we would have worked out.”  
SooYoung shrugged. “Guess you’ll never know. Anyway, I need to get to class. See you later!”   
She disappeared, leaving Mark sitting on his own to finish his sandwich. He busied himself reading a passage from his anatomy book, but his attention kept focusing back onto his phone. Yuta hadn’t responded yet to his last message, but DoYoung had said he was getting in the bath. They had been letting Yuta bathe with the door closed lately, but Mark knew his roommate had a habit of knocking every ten minutes to check in. It helped his worry a bit.   
The message threat he tried to avoid the most was the one lingering around with Johnny’s name attached to it. The last message he’d sent glared back at him on his screen. I’m coming to talk to you. If you don’t let me in, I’ll use my key. Mark’s stomach twisted at the words and the memory they provoked and he found himself scrolling further down his message list, another name drawing his eyes.   
He found himself opening the conversation. It was nearly a month old at this point. Jonghoon’s name had been placed in his contact list with a wink emoji behind it and Mark hadn’t bothered to change it. He found himself scrolling up and reading their conversations, a smile making its way onto his face. He’d forgotten how the older man used to make him laugh, and how flirtatious his messages had been even after he told Mark that they wouldn’t be getting together again.   
Mark found himself hovering over his keyboard, wondering if he should type out a message. Would it seem strange after all this time? Would Jonghoon even still respond? In the end, Mark shook his head and shoved his phone back into his pants pocket. He grabbed up all of his things and disappeared to his last lecture of the day.  
He’d barely paid attention to the class at all, his mind entirely on another matter. When the teacher dismissed them, Mark turned to his seat partner and asked for a copy of the notes, knowing he hadn’t taken any that day. The boy shrugged, pushing his notebook towards Mark, who snapped a few pictures so that he could copy them properly later, and thanked his classmate.   
When he finally stepped out of the building, phone in hand, he opened it up and scrolled to the contact. The phone rang seven times before there was an answer.   
“Mark?”  
“Taeyong, we need to talk.”


	55. 55 - I've been day drinking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm running out of things to use to explain the chapters without giving out too much detail.   
> All Imma say is that things are about to get real serious real quick.   
> So buckle up, children, because we're all in for a real bumpy ride.

Taeyong had been sitting across the restaurant table from Mark silently for nearly ten minutes. The only words that had been spoken between the two of them had been a clipped greeting and their drinks orders when the waitress had come by. Mark had been observing Taeyong since the man had walked in the door.   
He looked like hell, Mark had concluded. He looked like he’d at least made an effort to look presentable. His hair was combed, if not washer recently, and his clothes were wrinkled but not stained. His eyes were rimmed with red and Mark couldn’t tell if it was from excessive drinking, crying, or both.   
“I thought you said you needed to talk.” Taeyong sounded tired when he finally did speak.   
Mark nodded. “I do. I’m just thinking about how to start.”  
“If this is about Yuta, then don’t even bother. It’s over.” Taeyong’s glare had focused on the decorative plant behind Mark’s chair.   
“Why’s that?” Mark asked.   
Taeyong sighed. Before he could respond, the waitress brought back their drinks and asked for their food orders.   
Once she had disappeared again, Taeyong looked back at Mark and spoke. “He’s made it perfectly clear that he doesn’t want me back.”  
“No, he hasn’t.” Mark frowned. “You’re both just shit at communicating with each other.”  
Taeyong looked down at the table. “I tried, Mark. I apologized. I begged. It took me a week just to get him to listen to me without immediately…”  
“Without what?” Mark’s anger had died down. Yuta had become Mark’s best friend, and he’d started to develop a bit of a fury against Taeyong for hurting him this way. This was the first time that Mark had seen how hurt Taeyong was as well.   
“Butterflies.” The word was familiar, yet so very out of place. It took Mark a moment to remember why.   
“Yuta kept saying that.” Mark remembered. “Then you’d walk away.”  
“It was our safeword.” Taeyong’s voice was barely above a whisper. “It means he’s uncomfortable with what’s happening and wants it to stop.”  
“That’s a…” Mark bit his lip, blush reddening the tips of his ears.   
Taeyong nodded. “He’s never used it before. Not even once. And then suddenly talking to me is too much.”  
Mark could see the tears welling up in Taeyong’s eyes. He leaned forward, nervously licking his lips. “You hurt him pretty badly.”  
“He lied to me.”  
“Yeah, that seems to be going around a lot.” Mark frowned.  
Taeyong’s expression clouded for a moment, then he spoke. “You’re talking about Johnny.”  
Mark looked down at his hands. “He told me they were together for seven month. Not seven years. Why would… Why would he lie about something like that?”  
Taeyong shrugged. “Because he’s ashamed of his past and wanted you to think well of him.”  
“I thought…” Mark bit his lips before gathering the courage to continue. “He was the best thing the world ever gave me.”  
“Then why did you lie to him, too?” Taeyong glared.  
Mark glanced up at him and then back down at his hands. “I had no good reason. I made a mistake.”  
“Seems like there’s a lot of that going around.” Taeyong repeated Mark’s previous words and the younger sighed.   
“You broke his heart.” Taeyong finally spoke up.   
Mark’s eyes darted up to the elder’s face, his lips tugging into a frown. “He broke….me.”   
Taeyong’s lack of shock surprised Mark. It shouldn’t have. Taeyong and Johnny were close. Of course, Johnny would have told Taeyong what he’d done.   
“I’m not saying what he did was right.” Taeyong responded. “In fact, it was horrible, and I’m sorry that he did that to you…”  
Mark shrugged. “I understand.”  
Taeyong looked shocked this time.   
Mark smiled a thank you at the waitress who had brought them their food, but he only poked at his chicken parm with his fork for a moment before he spoke again. “He was angry, rightfully so. And I was pushing his limits. I refused to give him space, when I knew that’s what he wanted.”  
Mark paused to take a sip of his drink, watching Taeyong’s face until he was ready to speak again. “He wanted to force me away from him, to do something he knew would hurt me, make me want to stay away. Given my own…past. It would make sense that he chose the method that he did.”  
“You could have turned him in.” Taeyong muttered, after a long deliberating silence. “Why didn’t you?”  
Mark shrugged. “I love him.”  
Taeyong gasped.   
Mark took a bite of food. Chewed. Swallowed. Spoke. “To be fair to him. I probably wouldn’t have gotten the message with anything less. I know I’m a bit stubborn.”  
Taeyong snorted at that. “I’ve noticed.”  
Mark chuckled. They continued to eat in silence for a while before Taeyong spoke again.   
“So, you…love him?” He asked.   
Mark glanced up from beneath his lashes. “I honestly thought it was obvious.”  
Taeyong sighed. “Why did you cheat on him then?”  
“Cheat on him?” Mark frowned. “He’s the one who decided we were just going to be fuck buddies. How could I have cheated on him?”  
Taeyong frowned. “Fuck buddies? He thought…that the two of you were together.”  
Mark’s gasp accompanied the wide eyed expression on his face.   
“You didn’t know?” Taeyong asked.   
Mark frowned. “It doesn’t matter anymore. I got his message, loud and clear. He wants nothing to do with me anymore.”  
“Doesn’t that bother you?”   
“Of course, it does.” Mark frowned.  
“Even after what he did?”  
“I’m not saying I forgive him.” Mark frowned. “I’m not even sure if I can.”  
“I understand.”  
Mark sighed. “You know, Yuta’s forgiven you.”  
Taeyong’s jaw dropped open at the statement.   
Mark sighed. “But he’s still terrified of you.”  
“I hurt him really bad.” Taeyong looked down at his empty plate. “I know that.”  
Mark nodded. “He thinks you don’t love him. He’s afraid you never did.”  
“Of course, I loved him.” Taeyong frowned.  
“Then why did you leave?”  
Taeyong sighed. “He doesn’t want to see me. He turns me away and refuses to speak to me, to even listen to me.”  
“So, you quit your job?” Mark asked.   
Taeyong sighed. “If being around me makes him uncomfortable, I don’t mind leaving. I just want him to be happy again.”  
“Why did you cheat on him?” Mark asked. “If you love him so much, why?”  
Taeyong’s strength finally broke and a tear streaked his cheek. Mark watched his fingers tremble. “I never deserved him from the start, you know? He was always so amazing, so perfect. How could I possibly have gotten this… this angel to fall in love with me? I had always known there had been something between him and DoYoung. I know he tried to hide it. And I tried not to let that bother me. Whatever it was, it was over, right? I was just imagining things, right?”  
“You were insecure?” Mark asked.   
Taeyong shrugged. “I was always afraid that one day he’d realize that I wasn’t enough for him. Then he made that comment about DoYoung. We argued about it. I wasn’t angry, I just wanted him to tell me what was going on. What else was I supposed to think? The way he ignored the problem, the way he lied and refused to talk about it? I was already afraid he was getting bored of me. The whole situation just made it worse.”  
“So, you saw him at the party talking to DoYoung?”  
“I was drunk and insecure and at the time, it looked a lot less like an innocent chat.” Taeyong frowned. “Then this guy walked up to me and I don’t know exactly what compelled me to do it. The alcohol, my worst fears realized, wanting the break his heart the way mine was breaking. Whatever it was, it was a mistake. I regret it every day. I just want him to be happy.”  
“He was happy.” Mark answered. “With you.”  
“Well, I fucked that up, didn’t I?”   
Mark frowned. “He just needs some time.”  
“No.” Taeyong’s expression hardened. “He needs someone better.”   
“He doesn’t want anyone else.” Mark tried. “He wants you. He just needs time to sort out his heart.”  
“I know what you’re trying to do, Mark.” Taeyong frowned. “And it’s not going to work.”  
“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.” Mark smiled innocently.   
Taeyong chose his words carefully. “I didn’t agree to come here so that you could try to get us back together.”  
“Then why did you agree to come?” Mark asked.   
“Because I had something that I wanted to ask of you.”  
“What’s that?”  
Taeyong dropped his hands into his lap and bowed his head. “I want you to take care of Yuta for me. I want him to smile again. I want him to be happy. I want him to move on and not be afraid to love and find someone that actually deserves him.”  
Mark licked his lips. “I’ll do this favor for you, but only if you’ll do something for me in return.”  
“Anything.” Taeyong readily agreed.  
“Take care of Johnny for me.” Mark responded. “I’ve seen the path he’s going down. I want to protect him, but he’s put me in a position where that’s not possible right now.”  
“He’s in a real bad way, Mark.” Taeyong frowned.   
“I know.”   
Teayong glanced up at him. “Do you?”  
Mark nodded. “If he keeps going like this, he’s going to end up dead.”  
“I’ll do my best.” Taeyong agreed.   
Mark nodded. “I can’t promise that Yuta will move on, just like that. But I promise you that I’ll take care of him. And I’ll do what I can to help him heal.”  
“Thank you.” Taeyong sniffed, wiping his tears with the back of his hand.  
They said goodbye shortly after that. Taeyong disappeared in his vehicle and Mark wandered his way down the street, heading towards the bus stop. The meal had been late, the two of them only meeting after Mark’s shift had finished. The bus he climbed onto was nearly empty at this time of the night. Just a few workers who were coming home from their late shifts. One student, her head leaned against the window as she slept with a textbook open in her lap. Mark pulled out his headphones and listened to some music on the way home.   
Finally, he pulled out his phone and sent that text to Jonghoon. A few moments later, he got a response. When he got off the bus to make the short walk home, his phone rang.   
“Hello, Angel.” Mark could hear Jonghoon’s smile on the other end of the phone.   
“Hey, Jonghoon.” Mark chuckled softly. “It’s been a while.”  
“Has it?” He laughed. “I’ve been in the studio working on my next album, so I really haven’t noticed. Is everything alright?”  
Mark sighed, scratching at his knit cap when a chunk of his hair was missing beneath. The healing itched. “You sound like you’re pretty busy. I don’t want to be a bother.”  
“That didn’t answer my question.” His voice was stern, but caring.   
“I’m not. No.” Mark answered.  
“Do you need to talk about it?” The elder asked.   
Mark shrugged before he realized that he couldn’t be seen over a phone call and he spoke. “I don’t know. I feel like all I’ve done lately is talk about it.”  
“Is it about that guy from your work?” He asked. “Johnny?”  
“Some of it.” Mark answered. “So much has happened.”  
“Is this something we should be talking about in person?”  
“Probably?” Mark asked. “But not tonight. It’s really late already and…”  
“Someone’s waiting on you?” He could hear the amusement in the other man’s tone.   
Mark laughed. “Not like that. My friend, he got dumped recently.”  
“One of the things you wanted to talk about?” Jonghoon asked.   
Mark hummed an affirmative. “When can we meet?”  
“Are you busy tomorrow?” Jonghoon asked. “What about lunch?”  
“I’m working lunch.” Mark responded.   
“That’s fine. I know where you work. Just text me before you take your lunch break. I’ll come pick you up and take you somewhere nice.”  
Mark found himself accepting, even as he unlocked the front door to his apartment. With a quiet goodbye, Mark hung up the phone and pushed the door open to an eerily quiet apartment.


	56. 56 - TRIGGER WARNING READ NOTES

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING
> 
> For anyone sensitive to mentions of suicide or suicidal attempts, please be warned that this chapter contains rather graphic descriptions of attempted suicide and that you should only continue to read if this is something that you can handle. If you feel uncomfortable reading, please do not continue, as I do not want to trigger or upset any of my readers because I love you all. I have added suicide as a tag to the story to warn readers.

Mark called out as he stepped into the apartment. First for DoYoung, and then for Yuta. Neither answered. Mark frowned. It was pretty late, but not so late that the both of them would already be in bed with all the lights in the apartment turned off. Perhaps they had gone out for something to eat. Yuta needed to get out more, but it was probably too late for that.   
Mark hummed, dropping his things and toeing off his shoes. He stepped further into the apartment. DoYoung’s shoes were missing next to the door. It was possible he’d taken a different pair and gone out, but he tended to favor his white running shoes. Mark sighed, shaking his head. Where were the other two?  
The kitchen was empty when Mark flipped on the lights, but he noticed two things that made him frown. The first, was a hastily scribbled note from DoYoung telling Yuta and Mark that his parents had an emergency and he would be back as soon as possible. The second, was the mess on the counters. The half empty bottle of champagne turned up in the sink. The knife block where DoYoung kept all his expensive, sharp cutting implements. Mark sat the block upright and started sliding the knives back into place before anyone would get hurt.   
His stomach dropped into his feet when he slid the last knife in place and realization hit him. DoYoung had left Yuta here all on his own. One knife was missing.  
“Yuta!” Mark’s voice rang, loud and desperate through the house.   
He ran, throwing open the door to their shared bedroom, which was empty. He raced out onto the balcony, but this also was empty. Mark ran back into the house, fumbling for his phone. He didn’t know who to call, or what he should do. The light shining beneath the bathroom door caught his attention.   
“Yuta?!” Mark ran to the door and knocked on it.   
There was no response.   
He tried the handle, but the door was locked. Mark whimpered. He wasn’t strong enough to knock the door down. He was sure that Yuta was inside. Dropping down onto his hands and knees, he pressed his face hard against the floor and tried to peer beneath the small gap between the door and the floor. He shrieked.   
There was a body on the floor, its face turned away from Mark, but he was sure that it was Yuta. Crimson stained his clothes, the knife in his hand, and the shiny white tiles on the floor. Mark wretched, scrambling back against the far wall. He panicked for a moment before his senses came back to him. He had to do something.   
Scrambling for the phone he had dropped, Mark pressed the call button next to someone’s name, holding the phone desperately to his ear.   
After three rings, an empty voice answered. “Hello?”  
“J..Johnny.” Mark gasped, having not realized who it was that he’d called.  
“What?” The voice was devoid of emotion and for a moment, Mark thought about muttering a quick apology and hanging up, but instead he found himself sobbing.   
“Yuta!” Mark whimpered. “He..he’s locked himself in the bathroom with a knife. Johnny, there’s so much blood. I don’t know what to do.”  
There was silence on the other end of the line. Mark was almost afraid the other had hung up, leaving him to fix this on his own.   
“I’m on my way.” Were the last words he heard before the line went dead.   
It was barely fifteen minutes later when Johnny burst through the door of Mark’s apartment building. Mark took the time to notice he had only pulled his leather jacket over his pajamas before he’d come, hair a wild mess and collar barely hiding the fresh hickey on his neck.   
“Help.” Mark whimpered, pointing at the bathroom door.   
Johnny paused when he saw Mark in tears on the floor, but his attention turned quickly to the door. “Stand back.”  
Mark scrambled out of the way, hiding behind the door frame of his bedroom. Johnny braced himself and threw his entire weight onto the door. Once, twice, the third time, a loud crack resounded around the room and the door snapped off its hinges.   
Mark dove past Johnny, knees landing in the pile of blood surrounding his friend. Johnny hesitated in the doorway, eyes staring at the blood.   
“I called the ambulance on my way.” Johnny’s voice was rough, wavering.   
“Get my first aid kit!” Mark whimpered, his mind was foggy and his eyes were blurred with tears. He turned Yuta over, checking for a pulse, grabbing his arms to look at the wounds he’d made. “Hurry!”   
Johnny nodded in silence and disappeared. He returned moments later and dropped the white box next to Mark’s feet before backing out of the room. Mark’s fingers trembled as he aggressively ignored the presence behind him while he focused on taking care of his friend.   
Yuta still had a pulse, if a faint one. Mark dug into the first aid kit and grabbed the gauze. He pressed it hard against Yuta’s wrist, though the blood wasn’t flowing as thickly anymore. There was just so much of it at Mark’s feet, his mind would only ask one question. How was Yuta not dead yet? This was too much, too much blood.   
He’d successfully wrapped Yuta’s arm and pulled the man out of his own pool of blood by the time that the ambulance arrived. Mark was trembling still as he watched them take Yuta out of the room on a stretcher. It was Johnny, stoic beside him, that answered all of the questions.   
“Mark?” Johnny’s voice startled him out of his panic and he looked up to find the older man looking at him with that blank expression on his face. “Did you hear me?”  
“Wh..what?” He muttered, looking down. “S..sorry. I’m sorry.”  
There was a hard pause. “It’s alright. I said… I said that you should get cleaned up.”  
“What about Yuta?” Mark whimpered, watching the paramedics disappear out of the apartment.   
“I can take you to the hospital after you’ve cleaned up.” Johnny answered, not looking at him. “Or I can call someone else to come get you.”  
“Oh.” Mark stared down at his hands. They were covered in blood. So were his pants, and his socks. “I’ll clean this up and… and…”  
“Mark, breathe.” Johnny’s voice was softer suddenly and it pulled at Mark’s gut in a way that had tears stinging his eyes.   
Mark just nodded, trying to obey, focusing on his ragged breaths. “Please wait in the living room.”  
Johnny nodded to his whispered request and Mark was left alone in the bathroom. There was so much blood. He whimpered, but he got to work cleaning. With a bucket of water, some bleach, and several towels that went straight into the trash can, the bathroom was spotless within half an hour.  
Mark’s mind was torn. Torn between the worry for his friend, who would surely have been taken immediately for surgery upon his arrival to the hospital. And torn between the terror building in his chest at having to face the man he’d accidentally dialed. He’d meant to press Jaena’s name.   
The hot water of the shower soothed his skin, running red with his friend’s blood. He found himself crying into the water, sobs wracking his body. He should have been there. He should have protected Yuta. He was such a horrible friend. This was all his fault.   
He took longer than he should, discarding his bloody clothes in the trash with the bleached and bloodied towels. He’d changed into a pair of sweats and a long sleeved shirt before he found himself standing in the living room.   
Johnny stood up when he saw him enter, tucking his phone back into his pocket. “Do you want me to call someone?”  
Mark hesitated, but he shook his head. “Please take me to Yuta.”  
He hated the way his voice came out, barely above a terrified whisper. He couldn’t gauge Johnny’s reactions. The elder didn’t have any. He didn’t smile, didn’t frown, didn’t inflect his voice in any way. He just gave a single nod and motioned Mark through the doorway.   
Mark followed behind Johnny, head down and arms wrapped around himself. This was a bad idea, he kept telling himself. This was a worse idea than when he’d agreed to let Jeno keep coming to see him on campus. This was doing exactly what Johnny had threatened him not to do. But Johnny had offered, hadn’t he? He wouldn’t… He had offered Mark the ride.   
Johnny’s Porche was parked half on the curb, looking much less like he’d parked it than he’d come to a dramatic stop and simply jumped out of the car where it stopped. Johnny didn’t hold his door open for him, like he had always done before, but Mark didn’t mind. He slid silently into the familiar leather interior and carefully buckled himself in. Johnny started the car beside him without a word, and swerved back onto the road.   
The ride to the hospital was silent. Not even the radio was on. Mark chewed the inside of his cheek nervously, trying to stay as still as possible and not attract the attention of his driver. Logically, he knew that Johnny wouldn’t do anything to him when he was driving, when he’d offered Mark the ride in the first place. Still, the idea of Johnny’s attention being on him terrified him.   
“You’re going to have a panic attack if you don’t calm down.” Johnny’s voice was devoid of any hint of actual concern, but his words were true enough. He paused, then added. “Are you alright?”  
Mark whimpered. His mind kept going back to the sight of his friend, and the pool of red that surrounded him. “There was so much blood.” He heard his own voice, as if he were speaking through a tunnel. “So much… so much mess. I cleaned it up. The mess. There was… so much blood. I cleaned it. No more mess…”  
Mark could feel Johnny’s eyes on him. Fresh, warm tears ran down his cheeks and he found himself rocking forward and back in the seat, unable to stop muttering about the mess there had been. The thought dominated his mind, the memory of the blood on the floor. The flash of himself, kneeling to lick up the mess, like he’d been told. Yuta’s pale face, spotted with blood. Sharp stings on his leg, red everywhere.   
Mark didn’t realize that the car had stopped until he felt a very careful hand over his arm, barely touching him. Mark looked up with wide eyes at Johnny’s frown. Oh. Oh no, he’d made him angry. He couldn’t stop the whimper that broke out of his throat, but his entire body froze.   
Johnny leaned back, putting as much room between himself and Mark as was possible in the small vehicle. “You cleaned up all the mess. You did really good.” The words seemed to calm Mark’s body down, but Johnny seemed to frown even more at that. He no longer looked at the younger man. “We’re at the hospital now, when you’re ready, we can go find Yuta.”  
At the mention of Yuta, Mark’s mind fell back into place. He bit his lip, fiddling with his buckle. Johnny nodded, watching Mark scramble out of the car. He followed suit. Mark was hyper aware of Johnny walking behind him into the hospital.   
“We’re looking for Nakamoto Yuta.” Johnny cleared his throat and spoke as they found their way to the reception desk. “He should have arrived in Emergency within the last hour?”  
The nurse nodded at Johnny, sparing Mark a glance before she began to type on her computer. Mark shifted, and let out a whimper. He was trembling and nervous and he couldn’t seem to stay in his skin properly. But every time he moved, his eyes darted towards Johnny, his stomach flipped and twisted and he just remembered the mess. The mess that he had made. The mess that Yuta had made. Johnny’s voice, taunting and distant.   
“Mark.” He yelped when the elder called him again, stumbling back. Johnny straightened himself up. “He’s still in surgery. We can go to the waiting room. They’ll call us when we can see him.”  
Mark nodded, following quietly and obediently behind Johnny as the elder led them through a few narrow hallways and into a nearly deserted room. Mark could see the dark sky out of the windows alone one side of the room. Uncomfortable chairs made rows through the room and lined the walls. Mark hovered until Johnny dropped himself down into one of the chairs.   
Johnny looked at his hands, then up at Mark, then back to his hands. “You can sit down, if you want. It might be a long wait.”  
Mark nodded silently. He found himself sitting in the seat across from Johnny, leaving ample space between them. He pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around himself, trying to become as small as he possibly could, as if that would make things better right now.   
There was silence between them for a long time. It was Johnny that finally broke it.   
“You called me.”   
Mark looked up at him. Johnny was staring at his hands. The words seemed to register to him. He looked back down at his own hands.   
“I’m sorry.” He whispered. “I didn’t mean to bother you. I was panicking and I tried to dial Jaena Noona.”  
“Don’t be sorry.” Johnny’s voice was just as quiet as Mark’s, but lacked the terrified tone. “Yuta is my friend, too.”  
Mark only nodded.   
There was another silence. “You’re scared of me.”  
“Terrified fucking shitless.” Mark muttered.   
Johnny’s eyes widened, his expression looking shocked for the first time that night.   
Mark almost wanted to laugh, but he didn’t. He hugged himself tighter and looked away from the elder man. “You wanted me to be.”  
Johnny went back to staring at his hands. “I wanted you to leave me alone.”  
“I know.” Mark swallowed his fears, staring down at his knees. “I don’t give up easy.” He admitted. “You did what you had to do.”  
“What?” Johnny’s voice sounded baffled, his eyes wide and confused. “What? I? Mark, no.”  
Mark whimpered, backing away as much as he could while still sitting. Johnny sighed and leaned back, looking much less threatening.   
“You should be angry, you should hate me, you should have turned me in, you should blame me.” Johnny spoke, his voice wavering with emotion for the first time. “Mark, I did something horrible. Something evil and unforgivable.”  
Mark’s response was swallowed by a familiar voice. Both men looked up to see Lucas standing in front of them, wide eyed with a coffee in hand.   
He repeated his words. “Johnny Hyung, what did you do?”


	57. 57 - I'm going stir crazy in this house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone finds out
> 
> Lucas has backstory
> 
> things aren't looking too good right now
> 
> Also note: for those of you who don't know, Narcan is a medicine used to stop people from overdosing on certain types of drugs.

Johnny gulped as Lucas stood in front of them. His eyes darted back to Mark and his heart squeezed painfully. Everything was too bright and too loud and he was much too sober. His body felt like it was on fire.   
The younger man was looking between him and Mark with his brows knit together, and if he were thinking hard about some things. Neither of the two elders said anything in answer to his question. Mark was staring at his hands and Johnny couldn’t bring himself to look at either of them.  
He could only think about the look of terror in Mark’s eyes when he looked at him, the panic in his voice when he spoke of the mess in the bathroom. He could only think that he was the one who had made the sweet, innocent angel in front of him into this fearful, whimpering person. He didn’t need any more reasons to hate himself already, but here he was finding yet another to add to the ever growing list.   
In their silence, it seemed like Lucas had put some puzzle pieces together. He gave an audible gasp as his eyes widened. He looked between Mark and Johnny like he couldn’t believe what his mind was telling him.   
“Johnny Hyung.” He forced out the words breathlessly. “Did you? Were you the one that… Say you didn’t.”  
“Didn’t what?” Another familiar voice drew their attention. Ten, followed by DoYoung, and both of them looked tired and disheveled. “Johnny? Mark?”  
Lucas’s wide eyes refused to leave Johnny, though. The elder wanted to shrink from beneath his gaze, heart pounding.   
“What’s going on?” DoYoung asked, his eyes looking for Mark.   
“Johnny Hyung.” Lucas’s wavering voice spoke. “Were you the one who hurt Mark?”  
Silent gasps filled the space, all eyes wide with shock and surprise as they stared at Johnny. Except Mark, who ducked his head and looked all for the world like he wished he could disappear.   
“I…” Johnny began to defend himself, but then he just sighed. “Yes.”  
“Johnny..” Mark’s voice was drowned out by the sudden yowl of anger as Lucas launched at Johnny. They toppled over the chairs as Lucas’s fist made contact with Johnny’s face.   
Johnny screamed as pain jolted through his arm, down his back. The dull throb he’d been ignoring for the past while burned enough to turn his vision white. More than the fist pounding into his face.   
He barely noticed that it was Mark who pulled Lucas off of him, tears streaking down his face.   
“Stop!” Mark cried. “Lucas stop! Don’t do this! Not right now! Not…”  
Lucas deflated, shoulders sagging. He pulled Mark to him, hugging him tightly to protect him from Johnny. Ten and DoYoung all seemed to crowd around him as well, watching with disgust in their eyes as Johnny was left to pull himself back up from the ground.   
His shoulder was useless, twanging and burning any time he tried to move his arm. He shuffled himself up off the ground and back into one of the chairs, glancing at Mark.   
“Let’s not talk about this right now.” Mark was muttering while the other three asked him questions. Johnny watched as Mark seemed to distract them from pummeling him again with a simple question of his own. “What are you guys doing here, anyway?”  
Ten and DoYoung looked between each other with a frown on their face. Lucas reached out and pulled Ten into his arms.   
“It’s dad.” Ten muttered, face pressed into Lucas’s chest. “His condition has gotten worse.”   
Johnny had known that Ten and DoYoung’s father had been ill for quite some time now. Ten continued to live at home with their parents to help take care of his mother while his father was in hospital. It wasn’t uncommon for either of the boys to spend the night at the hospital or leave a shift early when they got some knews. It had been a while since something had happened, or since Johnny had noticed anything happening.   
“Is he going to be alright?” Mark had let DoYoung ease him back down into a seat, putting himself between Johnny and Mark.   
“We don’t know.” DoYoung sounded close to tears. “He’s been in surgery for the last four hours.”  
“Wait.” Ten sniffled, pulling himself away from Lucas’s arms to look between Mark and Johnny once more. “What are the two of you doing here?”  
Mark’s eyes widened and he turned to meet Johnny’s gaze. He could see the panic beginning to rise in the boy’s eyes once more.   
“It’s Yuta.” Johnny spoke up. “Yuta’s been hurt.”  
“What?” DoYoung whimpered.   
Johnny sighed. “Mark called me in panic a while ago. Yuta had locked himself in the bathroom with a knife. He’s in surgery right now.”  
“He tried to…” Ten’s eyes were wide.   
Mark whimpered. “So much blood. There was so much blood.”  
Johnny leaned forward in his seat, recognizing the panic in Mark’s eyes. “But you cleaned it all up. You cleaned it up and you did good. You did good, so it’s okay.”  
“You don’t get to talk to him like that.” Lucas growled, blocking Mark from Johnny’s view.   
Johnny almost flinched. He leaned back in his seat, knowing full well that the younger was right. He hated it. He hated all of this. He hated being sober and how sharp everything was and how vibrant his pain was. He wrapped his arms around himself, scratching at his arms to try and ease some of the tension.   
“Fucking junkie.” He heard Lucas whisper the words under his breath, soft enough that Johnny knew they were only meant for him.   
Johnny hissed as he moved his arm, the pain doubling him over. He heard Mark’s voice through the throbbing in his ears.   
“J…Johnny, are you okay?”  
He felt Ten’s hands on him, pulling his jacket down. He yelped out at the pain when the younger grabbed his shirt and pulled it down as well, until the boy gasped.   
“Jesus Christ, the size of this bruise. What happened?” He asked.   
Johnny glanced towards the others, towards Mark’s terrified, worried expression. He looked back to Ten. “The bathroom door was locked.”  
Mark whimpered. “Johnny broke it down with his shoulder.”  
Ten sighed, “You need to get this looked at. You might have broken your shoulder.”  
Johnny glanced back towards the others, towards Mark.   
“We will stay here with Mark.” Ten told him. “We can come find you when we get news about Yuta. Just… go get your shoulder looked at.”  
Johnny sighed, nodded, and stood up. Without another word, he walked off towards the nurse’s station. 

Mark watched Johnny go, hyper aware of the eyes on him. He took his time before he nervously turned back to his friends. The three of them were looking at him, all with different expressions. Lucas still looked furious. Ten just looked curiously disappointed. DoYoung looked like he was about to break.   
“Why didn’t you say anything?” DoYoung asked.   
Mark looked down at his hands, playing with his fingers.   
“He wanted to protect him.” Ten responded for him.   
Mark looked up with wide eyes to see Ten place a gentle, comforting hand on Mark’s shoulder. Mark nodded.   
“But why?” Lucas asked. “He… He… He raped you.”  
Mark whimpered. “No. No. Don’t say that. Don’t…”   
“Okay.” Ten rubbed a soothing circle on Mark’s back. “Okay. It’s okay.”  
Mark sniffled. “I don’t want him to get in trouble. I don’t want everyone to hate him.”  
“I hate him.” Lucas pouted.   
Ten swatted him on the shoulder when Mark whimpered again. Lucas whined, but sighed.   
“Can you…” DoYoung bit his lip. “Can you tell us about Yuta?”  
Mark sniffled, eyes turning to the eldest. “I came home and all the lights were out.” He recanted the story. “The kitchen was a mess. The knife block was knocked over and one was missing. I read your note and I… there was a light under the bathroom door. I could see the blood… so much blood.”  
“It’s alright.” Ten whispered, hand steadily rubbing comforting circles on his back when he had to stop talking to try and gather himself.   
He took a deep breath and started speaking again. “I meant to call Jaena Noona, but in my panic I dialed Johnny instead. He came… he came and he broke down the door and Yuta was… he was so pale. There was so much blood.”  
“He’s going to be okay.” Ten spoke up, voice resolute.   
Mark knew that there was no way that the younger could guarantee that, but he was thankful for the comforting words. All they could do at this point was wait. Mark hated waiting, but he was thankful for his friends. They made conversation, easy things that he didn’t have to think too much about, to keep his mind off his worry.   
After a while, though, Ten and DoYoung were ushered away by their mother. Lucas pressed a kiss to Ten’s forehead and whispered encouragement to him. Mark kept his eyes on his hands after whispering a good bye to his friends.   
He didn’t expect for Lucas to sit back down next to him in the waiting room. He looked back up at him with wide eyes.   
“Why are you still here?” He asked in a whisper.  
Lucas just gave him a brilliant grin. “I’m not going to leave you out here all on your own, obviously.”  
“Oh.” Mark found himself smiling gently. “Thank you.”  
“We’re friends.” Lucas shrugged. “Besides, I don’t think Ten really wants me around at the moment.”  
“What?” Mark’s eyes were wide, a bit shocked.   
Lucas shrugged and gave him a bashful smile. “He’s still angry at me for telling you about the Johnny doing drugs thing.”  
“Oh.” Mark pursed his lips. That felt like so long ago at this point, he’d almost forgotten the entire conversation.   
“Also, it’s his dad.” Lucas’s smile softened, the edges looking more concerned. “I don’t want to intrude on their time together. Family time.”  
“You know Ten thinks of you as his family, too.”  
“I know.” Lucas chuckled softly. “Anyway, I still never got to apologize. I feel like… like your argument with Johnny that day was my fault. For making you think he was… Just because my…”  
Lucas shook his head, brows knit together in irritation. “I’m sorry, I can’t really figure out my thoughts.”  
“Take your time.” Mark leaned forward, placing a hand gently on top of Lucas’s. The younger boy looked up with a thankful smile.   
They sat like that in silence for a while before Lucas was able to start talking.  
“Did you know I’m a foster kid?” He glanced up at Mark with a shy smile.  
“I didn’t.” Mark’s eyes were wide.   
Lucas nodded. “My mom, my birth mother, was a prostitute. My father was…some dude she slept with to score a hit. She did her best to take care of me, growing up, but I mostly took care of myself. By the time I was six, I could do all the chores on my own and cook for myself because mom was always either gone or high.”  
“I never knew.” Mark muttered.   
Lucas shrugged. “We never really lived anywhere too long. Sometimes we would stay with her pimps. Sometimes she could afford a crappy apartment for the two of us. Once, when I was ten, I lived behind a dumpster out back of a noodle shop for two months. Mostly it was homeless shelters, though. I wanted to hate her. I wanted to hate her so badly, but she’s my mom, you know?”  
“What happened?” Mark squeezed Lucas’s hand gently, comfortingly.   
Lucas watched him for a while. He sighed. “I was fourteen when it happened. I walked into our apartment and she was just… face down on the kitchen floor. The needle was still on the table. She overdosed. There was nothing I could have done to save her. I didn’t even know what Narcan was at the time, and we didn’t have a phone. I ran, screaming to the neighbors. She was dead before the ambulance even got there.”  
“Lucas…I…” Mark didn’t know what to say, how to respond to Lucas’s story.   
Lucas shook his head, turning his hand over beneath Mark’s so that he could lace their fingers together. “If I wasn’t taken to the orphanage, I’d never have met DoYoung. He got me the job at the bookstore, and that’s how I met Ten. I spent a long time wanting to hate my mom for the way I grew up, but I realized it was just… pointless, you know? I can’t change what happened, and holding onto all that anger wasn’t hurting anyone but myself.”  
Mark nodded. “So, the reason you thought Johnny was…using…”  
Lucas nodded. “His behavior lately. It reminds me a lot of my mom. Of the way she was acting towards the end of it. I really hope I’m wrong.”  
Mark hummed. This was a lot of information for Mark to process.   
“Are either of you here for Nakamoto Yuta?” The soft voice of a nurse startled the two of them from their conversation.   
Mark released Lucas’s hand and stood up. “We are. This is his friend. I’m his roommate.”  
The nurse nodded, her expression carefully blank. Mark’s stomach twisted.  
“If you’d please, have a seat.” She motioned back at the chairs. “We need to talk.”  
No. Mark’s heart stung like he’d been stabbed, falling back into the seat he’d just stood from. He ignored the sharp throb from his stitches at the impact.   
“Is he…” Lucas’s voice wavered as he took Mark’s hand. “Is Yuta alive?”


	58. 58 - I don't think I've ever been this tired

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Emotions are riding high in this chapter
> 
> Everything is going wrong
> 
> I think at this point Mark has some pretty intense ptsd going on

Tears flowed freely through the group in the hallway, huddled together outside of a closed hospital room. Ten huddled close to Lucas, buried into his arms. DoYoung pressed himself close to Ten’s side. Johnny had returned, arm wrapped up and shoulder in a sling. He’d barely had time to mutter out that it was broken before they were all ushered back to the room, explaining to him what had happened.   
Mark shivered, arms wrapped around himself. He didn’t have tears, like the others, but his stomach was twisted into a numb kind of agony.   
“What are we gonna do?” Lucas asked, pressing his lips to the top of Ten’s head.   
DoYoung glanced at him, chewing his lip. “We’ll have to prepare a funeral, then.”  
“How did this happen…” Ten whimpered, voice muffled by Lucas’s chest.  
It was Johnny who spoke, having paid more attention to the nurse who’d spoken to them than Mark had. “It was the surgery.” He muttered. “Something just went wrong.”  
Ten sniffled. “It’s not fair. Why him?”  
“I’m sorry.” Lucas muttered, squeezing Ten tighter.   
Ten whimpered. Mark leaned forward and took DoYoung’s hand as the elder trembled. He wasn’t taking this well, despite his calm exterior. The elder gave him a broken smile.   
“Do you want to call YangYang?” Mark whispered, his voice trembling.   
DoYoung shook his head. “It’s late. I don’t want to bother him.”  
“Nonsense.” Mark pouted. “He would want to be here for you.”  
DoYoung sniffled, squeezing Mark’s hand. “Thank you, Mark.”  
Mark hummed gently, releasing DoYoung’s hand. He left the group, disappearing back into the waiting area when a nurse gave him a nasty look at the sight of his cell phone in his hand. He sighed, running a hand through his hair. He could feel himself starting to flag. It was late, or early depending on how you looked at the night. Mark hadn’t slept in too long and his body was becoming sluggish despite his drive to stay awake.   
As he shifted through his contacts to find YangYang’s name, he wandered over to the snack kiosks lining one of the walls and shoved a few coins into a machine to get himself a coffee. It was plain black and no amount of creamer could make it taste decent. He pressed call.  
YangYang answered after the sixth ring, his voice groggy and disoriented. “Lo? Mark?”  
“YangYang.” Mark breathed out, forcing back a yawn.  
“Is something wrong?” The German boy asked.   
Mark hummed. “It’s DoYoung. Do you think you can come to the hospital? Like, right now?”  
There was a silence on the other end of the line. Mark sipped his coffee, eyebrows raised at the sudden, familiar appearance of a very distraught Taeyong stumbling towards him.   
“Is DoYoung hurt?” YangYang’s tiny voice brought him back to their conversation.   
Mark sighed, giving Taeyong a wave as the elder gathered himself. “DoYoung isn’t injured. It’s his dad, YangYang. His dad’s passed away.”  
Taeyong seemed to have heard that bit of the conversation. His eyes went wide. He played with his fingers as he shifted back and forth, waiting for Mark to wrap up his conversation letting YangYang know where they were. When he hung up the phone, Mark looked up at Taeyong.  
“Who called you?” He asked.   
“Johnny.” Taeyong wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand. “He said Yuta… He said he tried to…”  
“He was face down covered in blood.” Mark knew his voice was harsh, but the way Taeyong recoiled in abject horror sent a curl of satisfaction through him. Serves him right, if he’s the reason Yuta was like this.   
“Is he?” Taeyong choked out the words, eyes vulnerable. “He’s not…dead, is he?”  
Mark looked at Taeyong without an answer for so long that the elder man began to tremble.  
“I just wanted him to be happy.” Taeyong whimpered, wringing his hands. “I just thought he’d be happier without me around. I didn’t want… I never expected him to…”  
Mark found himself instinctively taking Taeyong into his arms as he broke down, holding the sobbing boy close to him. He rubbed a soothing circle on the older man’s back.  
“Yuta’s alive.” Mark assured him. “He’s in the ICU and he’s not allowed any visitors yet because he’s still in critical care. His wounds were deep and he lost a lot of blood, but he’s still alive.”  
Taeyong’s breathing paused before he began to sob again, this time it seemed with relief. Mark just held him until he finally dried his tears and pulled away on his own. He looked down at Mark with wide, scared eyes.   
“I’m not leaving him again.” Taeyong spoke with determination. “I don’t care how much it hurts me; I’m never leaving his side again. I can’t live without him, Mark.”  
“That’s something you can talk to him about.” Mark gave a comforting smile. “When he wakes up.”   
Taeyong sniffled. “Where are the others? Johnny?”  
Mark’s mouth went dry at the mention of the name. He just couldn’t break down here. There was too much else doing on. “They’re all at Mr. Lee’s room.”  
“Ten and DoYoung’s dad?” Taeyong swallowed, falling into step next to Mark. “He… he died?”  
Mark nodded. “A few minutes after the nurse came to tell us that Yuta was… was alive.” Mark shifted his eyes away from Taeyong. “We got word that something happened with their dad’s surgery. He didn’t make it.”  
“Oh.” Taeyong spoke, neither of them really knowing what else to say about the situation. Mark just silently sipped his bitter coffee, hoping that it would help him wake up.   
He tossed his empty cup into the trash, just about to offer to let Taeyong follow him back to the others when the group rounded the corner into the waiting room.   
“Taeyong.” DoYoung called. “What are you doing here?”  
“Johnny called me.” He bit his lip and looked down at his hands. “I came to see Yuta.”  
No one, not even Mark, could have expected DoYoung’s reaction to that simple statement. He’d yelled, charged, tackled Taeyong to the ground and thrown fist after fist into his face. Lucas pulled him off, pinning his arms behind his back.   
“I lost my dad already!” DoYoung yelled behind the tears, struggling for the man on the ground. “And now I’m going to lose Yuta, too, and it’s all your fault! You killed him, you bastard!”  
“DoYoung!” The voice surprised them all. YangYang, running up behind them.   
DoYoung’s eyes went wide and he stared down at his boyfriend, dressed in sweats and a hoodie with mismatched shoes. “Yang?”  
“Mark called.” He put himself between DoYoung and Taeyong, reaching up to wipe at his boyfriend’s tears. “He said you were here. I came as quickly as I could.”  
Lucas met eyes with YangYang and finally released him. DoYoung immediately fell into his boyfriend’s arms. YangYang pressed a kiss to the top of his head, stepping on his tip toes to reach. “Let’s go outside for some fresh air, okay?”  
Mark watched Ten mouth a gentle thank you. YangYang nodded and started to lead his boyfriend back the way they came. Everyone turned back toward Taeyong, then, who was still sitting on the ground, nursing his bloody nose.  
“He’s right.” Taeyong whimpered. “If Yuta dies, it’ll be my fault.”  
“It’s not your fault.” Ten held out a hand, helping Taeyong to stand.   
The elder dropped into one of the seats, taking the tissues Johnny had handed him. The others followed suit. Ten sat in Lucas’s lap. Johnny sat beside Taeyong. Mark hovered before deciding to take the spot next to Lucas, across from Johnny. The elder hadn’t looked at him once since he’d come back from having his arm treated.   
“It is my fault.” Taeyong sniffled.   
“He made his own choices.” Ten said. “It’s not like you forced the blade to his skin.”  
Mark didn’t miss Johnny’s visible tension at the statement. His own hand went to ghost along the line of stitches beneath his pants. Their eyes met. Mark looked away first.   
“It’s nobody’s fault.” Mark found his voice. “Now isn’t the time to play the blame game when our friend is in such a condition.”  
“Mark is right.” Johnny agreed. Mark adamantly refused to look at the elder as he continued to speak. “While I was having my shoulder treated, I called Yuta’s parents. We talked with my parents as well and have decided to shut down the store for a few days. Everyone’s still getting paid, and everyone who was supposed to work morning is already here. I’ll call the others later.”  
“Closing the store?” Lucas frowned. “What about his parents, why aren’t they here?”  
“They’re in America on a business trip.” Mark answered.  
“They said they would be on the first flight back they could book.” Johnny finished.   
Lucas nodded, arms wrapped around Ten.   
“How’re you doing?” Taeyong looked up at Ten, chewing his lip. “I heard… I’m sorry.”  
Ten sniffled. “I can’t say I wasn’t expecting it. He’s been going downhill for a long time now. I’m just trying to remind myself that at least he isn’t in pain anymore.”  
Mark found himself disengaging from the conversation for a while after that. His mind wandered, buzzed, kept running back to the blood, the red, the empty look in Yuta’s eyes and how he’d thought the man was already dead, that they’d come too late.   
He found his phone in his hand once more, flicking back and forth over the screen just to keep his mind from thinking about what they were all there for. His finger settled over a familiar contact name and he suddenly remembered the plans he’d made just hours before.   
He opened up the text logs and typed. ‘Jonghoon. I know you’re probably sleeping because it’s really late. Something happened and my friend is in the hospital. I will need to reschedule lunch.’  
It was barely five minutes later when he got a response. He jolted when his phone vibrated in his pocket. ‘Which hospital are you in?’  
Mark found his eyes glancing up at Johnny before he responded. The older man was paying him no mind, leaning towards Taeyong with a comforting hand on his friend’s knee as he spoke. Mark’s fingers zipped over the screen, typing out a response, before he deposited his phone back into his pocket.   
The conversation had turned towards less serious things in an attempt to get everyone’s minds off their worries. After a few minutes, YangYang walked back into the waiting room with a red-eyed DoYoung. He apologized for hitting Taeyong, who nodded his forgiveness, and then sat down with YangYang to join in on the conversation.   
Mark tried, he really did try, to keep up with the conversation. Television shows, music contests, whatever had been happening on the news lately. Christmas was just five weeks away. He honestly did try to keep his mind on the conversation, but as red seeped into his vision, he found his hands shaking.   
“Mark?” YangYang brought attention to him and he felt Johnny’s burning gaze turn to him. “Are you alright?”  
Mark sniffled, wiping suddenly at the tears stinging his eyes. “I’ll be fine. I just… I just… need some air.”  
He stood up, legs wobbly, bracing himself of the back of the chair.   
“You want someone to walk with you?” Lucas asked.   
Mark shook his head. “No. It’s alright. I’ll be back in a little bit.”  
He started to walk off, ignoring Johnny’s eyes on him. He paused and turned back to them with a gentle smile, hoping that it looked reassuring. “Could someone come find me if we get any updates on Yuta?”  
“Of course.” Ten nodded. “Go on.”  
Mark nodded and turned around, wobbling towards the exit. He felt like he was in a daze, stumbling through the narrow hallways until he finally found the big entrance doors. The digital clock above the wall read three in the morning.   
The air outside was crisp and cold, a blanket of white beginning to settled over the dull haze of the grey winter skies. It would have been beautiful if Mark could see anything but red. So much red, blood, everywhere. He could feel it on his hands, soaked into his knees. He could smell the blood and he couldn’t breathe.  
Mark walked until he found a nice little bench, a stone’s throw from the door, empty beneath the orange glare of the post lamp. He curled up, hoping that his despair would keep him warm, though he could already feel his tears freezing to his cheeks. He didn’t know how long he stayed there and cried until the familiar voice burned from behind him.   
“Mark, are you alright?” Johnny stood a few feet away, shifting from foot to foot.  
“Why are you here?” Mark sniffled, wiping his eyes and tugging his knit cap down tighter.  
“I was worried about you.” Johnny’s voice was a whisper on the wind, barely heard.   
“Don’t lie to me anymore.” Mark just sounded tired.   
“Fair enough.” Johnny spoke after a while, edging forwards. “Can I sit?”  
“Over there.” Mark pointed to a bench further away from him.   
He was a bit surprised when Johnny nodded carefully and took a wide berth around him to sit exactly where Mark had pointed. They were both silent for the longest while. Mark fidgeted nervously, tugging at the loose threads in his pants. His veins boiled with anxiety and fear that he fought hard to bury beneath a mask of nonchalance.   
Johnny spoke first. “Ten and DoYoung were called back to their dad’s room. I think they’re going to take Lucas and go stay with their mom for the rest of the night. It’s probably best she gets home and gets some rest.”  
“Okay.” Mark barely whispered.  
“The nurse came about Yuta.” Those words made Mark look up with wide eyes. Johnny swallowed and continued to speak. “They said that he’s more stable now, but he’s in a coma and he’s not going to be waking up any time soon. They said they can’t make us leave, but it’s probably best if we all go back and get some sleep.”   
“Oh.” Mark looked down at his hands, fingers red with the cold.   
“Lucas and YangYang are going to stay with DoYoung and Ten. Taeyong refuses to leave, so he’s going to stay here.” Johnny added.   
“Okay.”  
“DoYoung said…” Johnny paused and licked his lips. “And I agreed that it’s probably not best for you to stay in the apartment alone tonight.”  
Mark’s eyes widened as he looked at Johnny. The elder wasn’t about to suggest what he thought, was he?   
“I thought you didn’t want to ever speak to me again.” Mark muttered.   
Johnny sighed, scratching at his arm. Mark followed the action and Johnny froze, dropping his hand back down. “I don’t know what I want anymore. I just know that I fucked up.”  
“You did.” Mark wasn’t going to lie. Johnny’s response showed that he wasn’t even surprised that Mark agreed with him.   
“Listen,” Johnny twisted his fingers. “I know there’s no way you’re going to agree to stay with me tonight. I wouldn’t expect you to. But it’s for the best that you don’t stay in the apartment alone. Taeyong says that you can stay in his place, he’ll give you the keys and I can give you a ride. Or if there’s someone else’s place you’d rather stay at? I could get you a hotel…”  
“I’ll be fine.” Mark stood after Johnny did, arms wrapped around himself.   
“Even so.” Johnny bit his lip and stared at his feet. “You can stay wherever you like. You’re welcome at my place.”  
“You don’t expect me to want to stay there.” Mark responded. He didn’t know if he could go back there, his vision full of blood.   
“Where will you stay, then?” Johnny asked.   
“Mark!” A familiar voice startled them both out of their conversation. Johnny’s brows knit together as he realized who was walking towards them. Mark smiled in relief.  
“Jonghoon.” Mark let the elder wrap him into a careful hug.   
“Are you alright?” He asked, petting Mark’s hair.   
“Fine.” Mark muttered, then turned to Johnny, watching the older man’s expression turn to stone as he wrapped his arms around Jonghoon’s waist. “Thanks for the offer, but I’m sure Jonghoon wouldn’t mind letting me crash at his place tonight.”  
“Of course not.” Jonghoon grinned curiously as he returned Mark’s hug, looking back and forth carefully between the two. “You’ve always got a place at my house, My Sweet.”


	59. 59 - I've got a really bad headache

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jonghoon is just a really good guy
> 
> He's basically like perfect, okay?
> 
> This story is still going to end with Mark being with Johnny tho.

Mark was thankful for Jonghoon’s silence on the way back to his house, as well as the coat he’d shrugged around the younger’s shoulders and the heat on full blast. By the time they made it back to the elder’s house, Mark could feel his fingers and toes again.   
Jonghoon’s hand on his lower back lead him into the house and through into the living room. He motioned to the couch with a soft smile and a gentle request to sit, then disappeared from the room. Mark followed the instruction and curled himself up onto the comfortable sofa. He pulled the blanket off the back of it and wrapped it around himself, hiding his nose inside its warmth.   
Jonghoon came back a few minutes later with two mugs of warm tea. Mark uncovered himself enough to take one of the mugs with a soft thanks. Jonghoon sat down next to him and sipped his own drink. There was silence between them again for another few moments.   
“Do you want to talk about it?” Jonghoon asked, after a while.  
Mark sipped at his drink, letting it warm him up. “I don’t know.”   
Mark fiddled with the cup in his hands, staring into the milky beverage inside. The edges of his vision were still tinged with red. His shaking wasn’t from the cold.   
“Just tell me what you need.” Jonghoon’s voice was barely above a whisper. He finished his drink and sat his cup down, waiting patiently for Mark.   
Mark just wanted to sob, to hold onto the elder and thank him for being there. Jonghoon looked at him with such tenderness, such understanding, that Mark was overwhelmed by it all. His cup was cold before it was half finished and he carefully sat it down next to Jonghoon’s empty one. The licked his dry lips slowly, his mind buzzing with all the words that he wanted to say with no clue where to start.  
He finally settled on “I’m scared.”  
“What happened?” Jonghoon asked.   
Mark took the hand that the elder reached out with, lacing their fingers together in an attempt to gather strength that he didn’t feel. It took him a long time, having to stop throughout the story to collect himself, for him to tell Jonghoon about Yuta’s attempted suicide and the condition in which Mark had found him and how he was doing now. Jonghoon was very patient as Mark told the story, arms wrapped around the younger when he began to cry.  
“Thank you.” Mark sniffled, “For letting me stay here tonight.”  
“Of course.” Jonghoon pressed a kiss to the top of Mark’s head. “Anything you need, Sweet.”  
Mark hummed, pressing himself into the older man’s side. “I just don’t want to think about it. Make me not think about it?”  
Mark glanced up at the older man with a desperate pout on his face. Jonghoon was looking down at him with a carefully constructed mask of calm. His fingers grazed Mark’s jawline, tilting the boy’s face up until their lips met in a gentle, innocent kiss. Mark whimpered when he attempted to deepen the kiss, but Jonghoon pulled away.   
“I’m not taking advantage of you while you’re upset.” The elder said, pressing his lips to Mark’s forehead. “But if you want, you can sleep in the bed with me tonight?”  
Mark nodded, a pout on his face. “It won’t be taking advantage.”  
Jonghoon pulled Mark into him, situating the younger man comfortably on his lap. He wrapped his arms around him, fingers drawing little circles on the younger’s back. “You need to sleep, Sweet. It’s nearly four in the morning. We can talk about this after sleep, okay?”  
“Okay.” Mark pouted.   
“Want me to carry you up to bed?” Jonghoon chuckled lightly when Mark nodded.   
The elder easily stood up with Mark in his arms, curled against his chest with his arms wrapped around his neck and his face buried into his shoulder. Mark nuzzled his nose against the warm skin of the elder’s neck. Jonghoon hummed, turning towards the stairs. Mark gently nipped at the skin, making the elder release a gentle moan.   
“Mark, stop.” The elder’s tone was stern, warning.   
Mark hid his face, giggling childishly. He waited until the elder had carried him up the stairs before he started trailing little kisses up and down his shoulder and neck again. Jonghoon stiffened under his skin, arms tightening around Mark’s body.   
The elder pushed the bedroom door open and nearly dropped Mark onto the bed. Mark gave a sharp yelp at the sudden treatment, righting himself and looking up at the elder with wide, innocent eyes.   
“You dropped me.” He pouted.  
“You disobeyed me.” Jonghoon’s eyebrow quirked up.   
Mark dropped his eyes. “Sorry.”  
Jonghoon gave a heavy sigh, reaching down to ruffle Mark’s hair. Mark didn’t ignore the fact that he could see the outline of a bulge in the other man’s pants when he moved. Mark nuzzled into the elder’s hand.   
“Stay.” Jonghoon spoke softly. “I’ll go get you something you can sleep in and you can get changed.”  
Mark waited patiently on the elder’s bed, watching him disappear into the closet. He returned a while later with a large shirt. Mark thanked him and took the clothes, standing up off the bed.   
He knew the elder expected him to go into the bathroom to change, but Mark decided to surprise him, stripping his clothes off right there in front of the elder. Jonghoon coughed, eyes going wide and face going red. Mark tried to keep himself from smirking as he changed out of his sweater and sweats and into the large shirt.   
Jonghoon was staring at him with a dazed expression, brows furrowed carefully as he looked at the younger. Mark found himself blushing under the elder’s gaze. He bit his lip, sitting back down on the bed.   
“Mark?” Jonghoon stepped closer to him, sitting beside him.   
Mark sighed when the elder’s fingers reached down to trace the line of the stitches going up the inside of his leg. He looked away from him.   
“Do you want to tell me about this?” He asked.   
Mark shook his head. “Not really.”  
Jonghoon took Mark’s chin with his fingers, turning the younger’s face to look at him. He waited until Mark met his eyes before speaking. “If you want to try seducing me, you’re going to have to tell me where you got those injuries, Mark.”  
The younger whimpered. Jonghoon removed his hands, pulling himself up properly onto the bed. He leaned back against the headboard and patted his lap. Mark scrambled up to him, straddling the elder’s lap. Jonghoon rested his hands on the younger’s hips, looking up at him.   
“I really, really don’t want to talk about it.” Mark tried again.   
Jonghoon frowned. “I’m not doing anything to you without knowing what injuries you’ve got. It’s not safe.”  
Mark sighed, leaning forward so that his forehead rested against Jonghoon’s shoulder. His hands wrapped around the other man’s neck. He could feel his body shaking.   
“I didn’t want to tell anyone.” Mark finally spoke. “I didn’t want everyone to be angry.”  
“Why would I be angry?” Jonghoon asked.   
Mark shook his head.  
Jonghoon’s hands ran up and down Mark’s sides comfortingly, beneath the oversized shirt. Mark could see his eyes and how they didn’t leave the line of stitches down his thigh.   
“It was Johnny.” Mark finally spoke. Jonghoon tensed beneath him. “We had an argument. He was drinking a lot. I went to apologize, to try and make things right and he…”  
“You don’t have to say it.” Jonghoon rushed, reaching up to wipe the sudden tears from Mark’s face.   
Mark didn’t want to meet the elder’s eyes. He was scared, ashamed, broken. He released Jonghoon to wipe at his own tears for a moment. With Jonghoon’s help, he slid off the elder’s lap and onto the bed beside him, where he curled up with his head on Jonghoon’s chest. The elder kept him help close, fingers running through his hair comfortingly as he whispered gentle appeasements.  
He knew that he didn’t have to keep talking, but it felt like the one sentence had opened up the flood gates and suddenly Mark felt that if he kept quiet, he would explode.  
“I was so scared.” He choked out the words, face buried in Jonghoon’s chest. “It was like he wasn’t himself anymore. He put a knife to my throat. He made me lick his cum off the floor and bark like a dog and he tied me up and it hurt so much.”  
Jonghoon continued to card his fingers through Marks hair as he spoke. For the second time that evening, he broke down. He spoke between sobs, forced out the words when he felt like he couldn’t even breathe. He told Jonghoon everything that had happened from the night of the party up until Jonghoon had come to pick him up from the hospital.   
When he was done talking, he cried. Jonghoon could only hold him, pressing gentle kisses to his forehead and his crown until his tears finally stopped, until he found himself falling into a black pit of unconsciousness. He was finally able to sleep, wrapped up in Jonghoon’s arms while the elder watched over him carefully.   
Mark didn’t wake up until nearly noon to an empty bed. He whined as he sat up and rubbed his puffy eyes, frowning as he looked around. The other side of the bed was cold. Jonghoon hadn’t been there for a while. Mark sighed, shuffling to the edge of the bed. A set of fresh clothes were sitting on the couch at the foot of the bed with a note folded on top of them.   
Mark picked up the note and read the elder’s careful writing. ‘I didn’t want to wake you up because you looked like you really needed the sleep after last night. I left you something comfortable to wear and there’s breakfast in the kitchen. I had a schedule that I couldn’t get out of or else I wouldn’t have left you alone, but I should be home by noon.’  
Mark read the note twice before putting it back down and picking up the clothes. It was another shirt that was slightly too large for him with a pair of baggy shorts. To be fair to his older friend, the outfit did look really good on him. He grabbed his knit cap from where it sat beside the bed and shoved it back on his head.   
He went to the bathroom to use the toilet and wash his face before padding down the stairs towards the kitchen. His breakfast was in the microwave, according to the little sticky note that Jonghoon had left him. He smiled at the little bear face the elder had drawn in the corner and followed the instructions to heat the soup back up.   
He decided to sit at the snack counter while he ate instead of going into the formal dining room. The stool was padded, which was comfortable on his stitches. He found himself thinking about how grateful he was to Jonghoon for not falling for his seductions the night before. Mark had only been thinking about trying to forget his sad thoughts. He hadn’t bothered to think about the kind of pain he would have been in today if he’d actually gone through with it. He wasn’t fully healed yet.   
He washed his bowl and put it in the drying rack before checking the clock again. Jonghoon would be home at any moment, he thought. He took the time to wander around the house and explore it a little bit more. He ended up finding a sliding glass door that lead into a back garden. There was a pair of snow boots and a heavy coat hung on a hook next to the door.   
Mark slipped his feet into the shoes. They were a bit big, but not uncomfortable. The coat bundled up tightly around him. Then, he pushed open the back door and stepped out into the garden. Mark gaped. Even in the beginning of winter, with a growing layer of snow coating the ground, the garden was beautiful. The yard was surprisingly spacious with a high fence surrounding it. Flowers lined the edges of the yard, no longer in bloom beneath the layers of snow, but Mark could see the edges of the flowerbeds.   
He shuffled out onto the back porch and into the snow, watching it crunch beneath his feet. A sudden childlike glee filled him, the memories of first snow bringing a warmth to his chest. He immediately dropped onto his knees in the snow and started scooping it up into a big ball, forming the beginnings of a snowman.  
Mark had built an entire snowman family with a snowwife, a snowson, and a snow puppy. He was currently in the process of gleefully making a snow angel when he heard the door slide open again. He sat up on the ground, grinning at a bemused looking Jonghoon who leaned against the doorway.   
“Are you having fun?” He asked.  
Mark nodded. “Yes! Come play with me!”  
Jonghoon laughed, but he shook his head. “I think you should come inside and get warmed up. I can see your little red nose from here.”  
“But I don’t wanna!” Mark whined.  
“Mark.” Jonghoon’s eyebrows rose and he used that tone that made Mark’s insides all fuzzy.   
Mark pouted, but he scrambled up out of the snow and padded his way over to the elder. He grinned when Jonghoon leaned down to press his lips to Mark’s forehead. He brushed some of the snow off the younger before pulling him inside and shutting the door behind him.   
“Did you have a good morning?” Mark asked, standing patiently while Jonghoon pried the cold, wet layers of jacket off Mark’s body.  
“It was alright.” Jonghoon responded. “There was a meeting with the company CEO that I had to attend this morning. Did you sleep well?”  
“Yes.” Mark grinned, hands on Jonghoon’s shoulders to help balance his weight while the elder dropped to his knees to help Mark take off the boots. “Thank you for the breakfast.”  
Jonghoon stood back up and pressed another kiss to Mark’s forehead. “Come on, you’re freezing cold. Let’s get you some hot chocolate.”  
“Oh, yummy!” Mark grinned, taking the elder’s hand as he lead him back through the house.   
Jonghoon fixed them both cups of hot chocolate while Mark made himself comfortable on the couch with the blanket over his cold legs. The thanked the elder when he placed the warm cup into his lap. Jonghoon sat down next to him in a scene strikingly familiar to the one the night before, when Mark had broken down about Yuta.   
Mark chewed his bottom lip as he watched Jonghoon carefully. The elder seemed to be pretending not to notice Mark’s staring as he sipped at his own drink.   
“I wanted to thank you, again.” Mark spoke gently. “For taking care of me.”  
Jonghoon smiled. “Are you feeling any better?”  
Mark nodded. “Last night was the first time I cried about what had happened. I’ve been avoiding thinking about it for so long.”  
“You went through something very difficult.” Jonghoon responded. “Thank you for sharing your feelings with me.”  
Mark smiled carefully up at the elder. “Thank you for not…”  
Jonghoon chuckled at the blush that tipped Mark’s ears. He leaned forward and ruffled the younger man’s hair. “You were too upset last night to give proper consent. I would never take advantage of anyone in such a state.”  
Mark sat his empty cup down next to the one Jonghoon had just finished and then slipped himself into the elder’s lap, fingers laced behind his neck. “I’m not too upset to consent now.”  
Jonghoon barely had time to let out his amused chuckle before Mark pressed their lips together.


	60. 60 - The WayV concert was awesome

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, Jonghoon is amazing, not gonna lie
> 
> Mark is starting to break
> 
> Mark talks more

Jonghoon let out a gruff whine when Mark’s lips left his, his hands wrapped possessively around Mark’s waist as the smaller man sat in his lap.   
“You’re going to be the death of me, you know that?” He asked.   
Mark giggled, “Does that mean yes?”  
“No.” Jonghoon gave Mark a stern look, pulling the younger away from him to look into his eyes. “You’ve still got stitches. I’m not going to risk hurting you.”  
“It won’t hurt.” Mark urged. He was already half hard and he knew Jonghoon knew it as well. “Please?”  
Jonghoon sighed, rolled his eyes. “I guess I can do something to help you out.”  
Mark let out a shriek when suddenly Jonghoon had flipped them over. His back rested on the couch and Jonghoon was between his knees, hovering over him. He dipped down to press their lips together once more in a fierce kiss. Mark moaned into the other man’s lips.   
When Jonghoon pulled away, his eyes grazed over the body of the boy beneath him. “If anything I do hurts, tell me right away, okay?”  
Mark couldn’t help but roll his eyes. “Come on…”  
Jonghoon didn’t relent, he only continued to give Mark the same stern gaze that set his blood on fire as it rushed straight between his legs. Mark felt himself slink a little lower on the couch, as if running from the elder’s burning gaze.   
“Snowballs.” Mark rushed out the first word that came to mind, cheeks flushing with embarrassment. “If I need you to stop, I’ll say snowballs.”  
Jonghoon smiled, pressing a gentle kiss to Mark’s forehead. “Good boy.”  
Mark preened at the praise, then at the sudden onslaught of lips and hands against his skin. It felt like the older man was everywhere all at once. Kisses pressed to his jaw, forehead, cheeks, shoulder. Hand trailing through his short hair, up his stomach, skirting around his sensitive nipples, down his hips and around his thighs. It was all he could do to just lay there and take all the sensations coming at him at once. It had been far too long since Mark had been touched in such a way.   
The next time Mark was able to open his eyes, Jonghoon had leaned back from him. The elder’s fingers were hooked into the band of Mark’s bottoms and they were pulled gracefully off him in one smooth motion. His shirt had ridden up from Jonghoon’s hands on his chest and stomach. His lips were swollen and red, little red splotches had begun to appear on his skin. His cock stood erect with his legs spread and the older man kneeling between his knees.   
“Please.” The word was barely a whisper from Mark’s lips before the elder was looking at him with lust-dark eyes. Hands, lips, anything, Mark wanted anything. The elder just stared.   
For a moment, Mark watched Jonghoon’s eyes focus in on the glaring red streak down his thigh, sewn together and healing.   
“If I’d known.” Jonghoon’s voice was heady, an angry possessive tone beneath the lust. “When I saw him at the hospital last night. If I’d known he’d done this, I’d have killed him.”  
“Jonghoon…” Mark reached up, fingers brushing against the man’s cheek, drawing his attention. His stomach twisted at the idea of Johnny being hurt. It twisted in an entirely different way at the protective flair in the elder’s voice. He smiled. “I’m okay.”  
“It’s not right.” Jonghoon pressed his face against Mark’s hand, seeking the comfort and the warmth of it. “For someone to hurt something as special as you. It’s just not right. You should be treasured and taken care of.”  
“Then take care of me.” Mark urged.  
Jonghoon paused and looked at Mark for a moment. The younger looked back, torn between the fluttering in his stomach and the desire burning between his legs. Eventually, desire won out.   
“Don’t worry, My Sweet.” Jonghoon’s voice was once more a rough, lust-filled whisper. “I’ll take care of you.”  
Mark moaned out when lips were pressed to his knee, down his thigh, to the other leg, special care being given to the stitches. Just when he thought the elder’s lips were going to wrap around him, they pressed anywhere but the place Mark wanted relief the most.   
Mark whimpered at this, but Jonghoon only chuckled. Mark was squirming beneath him, trembling, tears brimming in his eyes at how much he needed some sort of relief. Jonghoon swatted at his hand when he brought it up to stroke himself.   
“Oh, no.” Jonghoon turned that stern, commanding tone back on him. “Don’t you dare think of touching yourself.”  
“Please.” Mark choked out. “I need…something, anything.”  
“You need to be a good boy.” Jonghoon’s teeth buried into the supple flesh of Mark’s upper thigh, making him moan out loudly. “Be a good boy for me and don’t touch. Can you do that, My Sweet?”  
Mark was quick to nod, fingers curling into his palms. He would not touch. Mark could be a good boy. Mark liked being a good boy. If he was good, Jonghoon would take care of him.   
“I’m a good boy.” He breathed out, biting down on his lower lip.   
“Good boy.” Jonghoon pressed a kiss dangerously close to his cock, but not close enough. Mark whined.   
Jonghoon continued to tease Mark, touching everywhere but his cock, until Mark was barely able to hold himself together. Tears broke free from his eyes as he thrust into the air desperately seeking some kind of friction and a long stream of the most desperate pleas left his mouth. It was only then that the elder finally brought mercy upon Mark and wrapped his fingers around his neglected erection.   
Mark cursed out a gasp of relief at the sudden contact. His eyes twisted shut as he chased the pleasure from the elder’s ministrations. Jonghoon hovered over him, watching his every reaction, testing and teasing. His strokes were light, barely there, then tight and slow, thumb swirling over his head. Mark could feel his orgasm growing, then Jonghoon would change his pace and it would ebb away, leaving Mark desperate and wanting.   
He whimpered when Jonghoon released him entirely. His eyes opened just to watch the elder reposition himself. He pulled Mark’s legs up, hooking them over his shoulders so that Mark was nearly bent in half and his head was nestled between Mark’s thighs.   
Jonghoon glanced up to meet Mark’s eyes with a dangerous smirk before once more taking the younger’s erection in his hand and licking a strip from the base up. Mark mewled, back arching, pressing himself into the touch. He suckled one ball, then the other, letting the weight settle on his tongue, in his mouth. Mark couldn’t look away.   
His fingers dug crescents into the palms of his hands as he watched the elder take his erection all the way into his mouth, until his nose hit Mark’s stomach. Mark shoved his fist into his mouth to stifle the moans that came out of him. Jonghoon pulled off and looked up at Mark.   
“Don’t.” He breathed. “I want to hear you.”  
Mark nodded. Jonghoon pressed a kiss to the tip of Mark’s cock before taking it back into his mouth, sucking and swirling his tongue around it. Mark didn’t attempt to hold back his moans, the curses and whimpers that poured out of his mouth, the elder’s name mixed amongst them like a prayer.   
Then, the feeling was gone. Mark whimpered again, but then gasped out, eyes flying open. Jonghoon placed a gentle kiss on the wounds on each of Mark’s butt cheeks before carefully spreading them apart. Just like he did with the younger’s cock, he licked a thick, wet strip up Mark’s crack, making the younger’s moans stutter.  
Jonghoon lapped at Mark’s hole, pressing his tongue against the ring of muscle even as one hand came to continue stroking the younger’s erection. Mark knew that he wouldn’t last much longer when he felt a single finger probe against the edges of his entrance.   
Jonghoon slipped his finger in, just the smallest amount, just so that Mark could feel the stretch against the ring of muscles. Mark gasped, more tears falling from his face as his hips bucked. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get Jonghoon to push further inside of him. Instead, the elder twisted his finger around, pulling at the ring, stretching it, teasing him.  
All the while, his hand was still working the younger’s cock and his mouth had come to suckle at his heavy sack. He could feel it tensing, feel his release coiling inside of himself.   
“Please, please. Please, fuck, please.” Mark whimpered out. “Please. I need to cum.”  
Jonghoon breathed his words against Mark’s wet skin. “Cum for me, My Sweet.”  
With a finger inside his hole, a mouth on his balls, and a hand wrapped around his cock, Mark released with a loud cry of the man’s name. Thick, white ropes shot against his chest, some finding place in the elder’s hair and on his face as he pulled away to watch Mark’s expression. He continued to stroke, riding Mark’s orgasm out until the younger fell back into the couch with a heavy breath of relief. Jonghoon watched his eyes flutter as he processed the pleasure his body had just experienced and started to come back down to the earth.  
A sense of reality seemed to spread across Mark after a few moments. He wiped the tears from his face and blinked up at the elder.   
“I…I’m sorry.” Mark frowned. “I got… all over you…”  
“It’s fine.” Jonghoon laughed, a smile on his face. “I need a shower anyway.”  
“I made a mess.” Mark frowned, his mind whirring suddenly with memories of white on marble floors.  
Suddenly, Mark was scooped up into the elder’s arms and held close. “Mark, breathe. You’re okay. It’s alright. Everything is fine.”  
Mark took a deep breath, frown still firmly fixed on his lips. “I’m sorry.”  
“Don’t be.” Jonghoon dropped a kiss to the top of his head. “Would you like to shower with me?”  
Mark pulled away to look at the elder hesitantly before he gave a gentle nod. Jonghoon smiled at him before picking him up and carrying him all the way up the stairs and into the bathroom. Mark was deposited onto the counter. Jonghoon grabbed some tissue and wipe the liquid from his face and hair before taking some more to clean up Mark’s stomach.   
They were side tracked for a while when Jonghoon’s lips found Mark’s once more and they paused to make out for a while. Jonghoon only pulled away when neither of them could breathe anymore and turned on the water.  
When it was hot enough, he pulled Mark off the counter and into the spray with him, arms wrapped around the younger. Mark buried his head in Jonghoon’s chest and nuzzled into the warmth.   
“Are you alright?” Jonghoon spoke after a while.   
Mark nodded.   
“You looked like you were going to panic for a bit.”  
Mark looked down at his hands, chewing his lip. “I’m just… not quite as over what happened as I would like to be.”  
He almost flinched when he felt Jonghoon’s hand ruffling what was left of his hair. “It must have been a very traumatizing experience for you. Thank you for opening up to me about it.”  
Mark hummed as he felt the shampoo hit his head, gentle fingers turning it into lather on his scalp. “I trust you.”  
“We’ve really only met three times, you know that, right?” Jonghoon chuckled.   
“You’ve been nothing but trustworthy the entire time.” Mark let the elder rinse the soap from his hair before turning to give him a careful smile. “You take care of me, and you care about how I feel and what I think. You look after me. You could have slept with me last night, but you didn’t because you were worried about me. And even today, you were very gentle and careful with me.”  
“I don’t want to hurt you.” Jonghoon pressed his lips to Mark’s forehead. “I told you. You should be protected and cherished. You deserve that.”  
“Thank you.” Mark smiled.   
“For what?” Jonghoon grinned.   
Mark shrugged. “For cherishing me.”  
Jonghoon ended the conversation with a gentle chuckle, insisting on soaping Mark’s body. Mark insisted on washing Jonghoon’s hair for him, even if the elder had to bend down a bit. They laughed and played in the water for a while, until they started making out once more. The making out turned into hand jobs for both of them, and the shower water ran cold by the time they both stepped out and dried off.   
Jonghoon carried Mark into his bedroom before finding some clothes for him to wear again. Mark had finished dressing while Jonghoon was still in the bathroom with only some underpants on, drying his hair. He sat on the elder’s bed with his legs crossed while he waited, glancing around the room.   
His phone sat on the table next to the bed, forgotten from the morning. He crawled over and grabbed it, turning the device on. It’s battery was on half percent and he frowned, knowing that he would have to charge it soon.   
The screen came up and his notifications all started coming through. A few notices from social media, one of his game apps telling him it needed updating, a missed call from Jaena, two texts from DoYoung asking if he was doing alright, and a text from Johnny.   
Mark’s fingers trembled as he hovered over the name, wondering what the elder could possibly have messaged him about. It had been sent recently, while Mark was downstairs on the couch with Jonghoon. He tried to ignore the sudden drop in his stomach, the edging of guilt that burned at the back of his conscious. He had no reason to be guilty. He was nothing to Johnny, who had shown up with fresh hickeys, who had told Mark he wants nothing from him, who had hurt him and left him for dead in the snow. He had no reason to feel like he’d betrayed the man who had betrayed him first.   
His finger pressed the message and the screen popped open. The words glared up at him, just as distant and cold as Johnny had been at the hospital the night before.   
‘No change in Yuta’s condition. At hospital with Taeyong. Will keep you updated.’  
Mark read the message two or three times before he realized that he was no longer alone in the room.   
“What’s got you frowning so hard?” Jonghoon asked. “Is it your friend?”  
Mark looked up at the elder, watching him button up his striped shirt. “Johnny texted a while ago to tell me that he’s still at the hospital with Taeyong. Yuta’s condition hasn’t changed.”  
“Are you and Johnny still…” The elder’s words trailed off.  
Mark sighed. “I don’t know what’s going on anymore. He says he wants nothing to do with me. He… he did what he did, and now he’s acting like. Well, I don’t know what he’s acting like.”  
Jonghoon was silent, watching Mark carefully.   
Mark grumbled, grabbing his knit cap and shoving it back on his head. “Last night, I accidentally called him when I found… When Yuta… He came. He came, and he helped. He offered to take me to the hospital, but he also offered to call someone else. Like he actually cared. He... when we were at the hospital, I think he was trying to… to apologize.”  
“Will you forgive him?” Jonghoon’s voice was surprisingly small when he spoke, despite having taken a seat on the bed next to Mark. “If he apologizes, will you forgive him?”  
Mark looked anywhere but at Jonghoon for a very long moment while he processed the question and its answer. After what seemed like an eternity, he answered. “I think I’d try. If he... If he sorted out whatever’s going on with himself, sobered up, and really tried to make things right again. I don’t… I don’t know if I can, but I’d try. I owe him that much.”  
“You don’t owe him anything.” Jonghoon turned his lip up in disgust at the sentiment.   
“He saved my life.” Mark spoke. “He got me out of a horrible situation, gave me a place to stay.”  
“And then he put you right back in the situation he’d helped you out of.” Jonghoon frowned.   
Mark sighed. “He took care of me when I couldn’t even take care of myself. I owe it to myself, if anything, to give that much back to him.”  
Jonghoon was silent for a very long time before a sad smile bloomed on his face. “You really do love him, don’t you?”  
Mark’s laugh was not a happy one. “People keep asking me that.”  
“He’s really lucky, then.” Jonghoon sighed.   
“What do you mean?” Mark asked.   
“To be loved in such a way. To be loved so completely and so unconditionally. That’s a once in a lifetime kind of thing to experience.” Jonghoon gave a sad, longing smile. “To be loved by you.”  
Mark felt the pout growing on his face, the guilt rising once more in the pit of his stomach. “I’m sorry.”  
“For what?”  
“For not loving you.” Mark sighed. “You’re so amazing, you know? You’re so smart, and nice. You take care of me, listen to me, understand. You never seem to get upset with me. I’ve been so selfish with you, always taking and asking for more… even after last time when you said it wouldn’t happen again, I still asked.”  
“And I still gave in.” Jonghoon interrupted.  
“And you keep giving and giving and I keep taking and taking.” Mark bit his lip as he paused. “I really do wish that I could love you. It would be so much easier.”   
“Love isn’t always easy.” Jonghoon leaned over to press a kiss to the top of Mark’s head. “And it’s not something that we really get to choose. That’s what makes it love.”  
“Still…” Mark pouted.   
“Still.” Jonghoon smiled as he stood up, holding out a hand for Mark. “We need to have something to eat. So, what do you think about stopping by somewhere to eat before we go visit your friend in the hospital?”  
Mark sighed, guilt still ebbing in his gut as he smiled and took Jonghoon’s hand. “Can we have chicken?”


	61. 61 - My cat vommed on my keyboard. I had to buy a new one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jaena doesn't know
> 
> Johnny confuses me
> 
> Taeyong how could you

Mark walked into the hospital with a full stomach and a small smile on his face. The smile didn’t last long at the sight of his friends all gathered in the waiting room, expressions grim. Haechan released his grip on Jaena the moment he saw Mark and ran for him, nearly knocking him down in his haste to hug the older boy.   
Jonghoon stepped back, giving the two some room.   
Mark frowned. “What’s happening?”  
Haechan sniffled into Mark’s chest. Jaena wrapped her arms around herself. Ten curled himself up in Lucas’s lap. DoYoung sat next to YangYang, both with red eyes. Taeyong sat next to Johnny, eyes puffy and red, with a death grip on his friend’s hand. Johnny looked up at Mark with tired, blank eyes. Mark looked back down at the small man in his arms.   
“We almost lost him.” Jaena answered Mark’s question. “They lost Yuta’s vitals for a bit and had to take him back into surgery.”   
“How?” Mark deposited Haechan back into Jaena’s arms. She wrapped herself around the boy, petting his hair comfortingly.   
“We don’t know.” Jaena answered. “One minute he seemed fine, then the next all these alarms were going off.”  
“He’s going to be alright?” Mark pulled Jonghoon closer, wrapping himself in the older man’s arms. He felt safer there.   
“Don’t know.” It was DoYoung that spoke this time. “We’re still waiting for someone to come tell us how the surgery went.”  
“How long have you guys been here?” Jonghoon asked.   
The others looked around at each other and shrugged. Lucas spoke for them.  
“Taeyong and Johnny stayed all night.” He said. “I got here with Ten, DoYoung, and YangYang around ten. Haechan got here about noon, and Jaena got here about half an hour before you guys.”  
“Have you all eaten?” Jonghoon asked.   
Again, another shrug.  
“I ate before I came.” Jaena answered.  
“Same.” Haechan sniffled.   
“I’ve eaten recently.” YangYang supplied.  
“We haven’t since breakfast.” Doyoung motioned between himself, Ten, and Lucas.  
“I’m not hungry.” Taeyong muttered with a nod of agreement from Johnny.  
Jonghoon sighed. “I’m going to go get everyone something to eat. It’s not healthy to sit around all day without food.”  
A ring of thank you’s chorused from the group. Jonghoon dropped a kiss onto the top of Mark’s head with a whipered “Be right back.” And then disappeared.   
Mark chewed his lip, eyes on the ground as he took a seat with the group. There was a terse silence for a moment before someone spoke.   
“I didn’t know you and Jonghoon were a thing.” Jaena’s voice broke the silence.   
Mark looked up at her, his eyes finding their way to Johnny first. The elder didn’t react to the statement and somehow, that bothered Mark.   
“I’m staying with him for a little while.” Mark admitted. “While Doyoung is with his parents. I can’t…”  
“It’s not good for him to be on his own.” DoYoung answered. “He’s still healing, himself.”  
At this, DoYoung shot a glare towards Johnny, who pointedly ignored the look. Jaena frowned as she watched. Mark also frowned.   
“Let’s not talk about that.” Mark responded.   
DoYoung’s glare didn’t leave Johnny. “Why not?”  
“Because.” Mark snapped. “It’s in the past and I don’t want to keep bringing it up.”  
DoYoung’s glare moved from Johnny to Mark, softening but still harsh. He seemed to be considering for a moment, but then he sighed and his shoulders dropped. “It’s just not fair.”  
“It is what it is.” YangYang responded.   
Jaena hummed her agreement and silence situated itself upon them once more. They made small conversations between themselves for a while, until Jonghoon returned with bags of hamburgers for them all. He’d brought enough, even for the people who had already eaten. Everyone took their food gratefully. Even Johnny hummed a small thank you to the older man as he took a burger, though his only nibbled on the bun after trying and failing to get Taeyong to eat any of it.  
They continued on like that for a few hours, until Jonghoon received a call from his manager that he had to leave for a schedule. He scooped Mark into a hug and told him that he’d meet him back at his house later before he disappeared out of the hospital. Jaena tried again to get Mark to talk about his relationship with Jonghoon, but he refused. What was there even to say? He was using the man for his affection as a cheap replacement for the care he wasn’t getting from the man who had raped him because he was fucked up in the head enough to still want Johnny even after everything that had happened, and that Jonghoon knew Mark’s reason for being with him, but still chose to play along with the farce that they were growing feelings for each other? Yeah, he definitely couldn’t say that.   
After another few hours of waiting around, a nurse finally came to the group. A sigh of relief left their collective when she told them that he was going to be alright. He was still comatose, but his vitals had stabilized. If he hadn’t woken on his own in the next two or three days, they were planning to try and wake him themselves.   
Mark had found himself outside of the hospital once more after the announcement, while they were taking turns visiting their comatose friend inside of his hospital room. Mark didn’t think he had the strength to see Yuta like that, not when the mere mention of the man’s name drew back the image of blood.   
Mark leaned against the wall outside of the building, watching his breath curl like cigarette smoke into the afternoon wind. His arms wrapped around himself to hold in some semblance of warmth. He’d borrowed a coat from Jonghoon, but the chill in the air was bone deep.   
“You alright?” It was Johnny’s voice that startled him.   
Johnny stood about six feet away, leaning against the wall in a mirror of Mark’s position. Mark sighed, looking up at the blue of the sky. The day was too beautiful for such depressing feelings.   
“I think I will be.” Mark answered after a while.   
“I hope so.” Johnny chewed his lip for a moment before he pulled away from the wall and took a few steps closer to Mark. “Can we talk?”  
Mark watched the older man with hesitance in his eyes, a tight frown making its way onto his face. “I thought you didn’t want me talking to you anymore.”  
Johnny’s eyes went to his hands. “I wasn’t expecting something like this to happen.”  
Mark was silent for a while. “I wish I could say I hadn’t expected it, either.”  
“You knew he would…?” Johnny looked up at Mark with wide eyes. Mark caught sight of Johnny’s collar, of the fresh hickey sitting on the opposite side of his neck from the one he’d had the day previous. Mark swallowed, looking away.  
“It wasn’t the first time we found him with a knife.” Mark admitted. “I thought he was getting better. I guess that was something else I was wrong about.”  
“What else were you wrong about, then?” Johnny asked.  
Mark glanced up at him. “You.”  
He wanted to pretend that he didn’t see the hurt in the man’s eyes. Wanted to pretend that it didn’t stab at his heart the way that it did.   
Johnny ran a hand through his hair, looking away to hide the hurt behind his eyes. He gave a harsh chuckle. “I was never the person you thought I was.”  
“It was a convincing lie.” Mark answered.  
Johnny swallowed. “I guess I should be congratulating you on your relationship with Jonghoon. He seems to really care about you.”  
“He treats me well.” Mark answered, not bothering to correct Johnny’s mistake. They weren’t together. “What about you?”  
“What about me?” Johnny asked.  
Mark rolled his eyes. “It seems like you’ve been hooking up with someone as well.”  
Johnny’s eyes widened in realization, fingers coming up to his neck to brush against the marks that had been left behind. “It’s not what you think it is.”  
Mark shrugged. “It doesn’t matter what I think it is. I’m nothing, remember?”  
“You’re not nothing.” Johnny muttered breathlessly.   
Mark looked up at him in surprise, having not expected the statement. Johnny seemed to have realized that he’d said something he hadn’t meant to and he was already starting to take steps backwards in retreat. Mark fought the urge to stop him, to try and make him stay.   
“I should get back.” Johnny muttered out the quick excuse and disappeared almost as quickly as he’d come.   
Mark gave a heavy sigh and kicked off from the wall, following the path back into the hospital and up to where his comatose friend waited. Johnny wasn’t there when he arrived. Jaehyun had arrived to get Haechan back home. He paused to greet Mark before leading the innocent, crying boy away. Ten and DoYoung were once again nowhere to be found when Mark returned, but Lucas quickly explained that they had met their mother to go over funeral arrangements. Jaena had fallen asleep in the corner of the waiting room.   
“Taeyong is in Yuta’s room right now.” Lucas’s voice was a near whisper. “You can go in there, if you want. The rest of us have already visited.”  
Mark nodded. His feet felt like lead as he moved closer to the hospital room. He couldn’t be the only one who didn’t go in and see him, it wouldn’t have been right. Mark would have felt too much guilt. Still, the idea of seeing the friend in a hospital bed, the friend he’d found unconscious in a pile of his own blood, sent chills through Mark.  
He wanted to run away, but instead he pushed open the door to the room and stepped inside. He was met with a dim room, the steady beeping of a heart monitor, and the soft sniffle of a crying man. Yuta was laying on the bed, looking as if he’d simply laid down for a peaceful nap were it not for all the cords and wires and tubes coming off him. Two huge bandages were wrapped around his wrists.  
Taeyong sat in the chair next to the bed, his hand holding gently onto Yuta’s. His eyes were red and his cheeks were puffy and wet. He looked up when Mark walked in with an expression of such agony that it made Mark pause in his tracks.   
“You promised me that you would take care of him.” Taeyong’s words were broken with his tears.  
“I’m so sorry.” Mark whispered his response.   
Taeyong used his free hand to wipe the tears from his eyes. “I have no one to blame but myself.”  
“No.” Mark frowned, stepping up to place a hand on Taeyong’s shoulder, squeezing gently. “You can’t blame yourself for this. It’s not your fault.”  
“It is my fault.” Taeyong looked back at the man on the bed. “I broke us. I drove him to this.”  
“He did this to himself.”  
“If he doesn’t make it…” Taeyong’s words broke off with an unexpected sob.   
Mark squeezed his shoulder again before letting his hand drop. He walked his way around the bed, watching Yuta’s body.   
“He’s going to make it.”  
“You have that much faith?” Taeyong asked.  
Mark looked across the bed at the crying elder and gave him the most comforting smile that he could muster. “Sometimes, the only thing we can have is faith.”  
Taeyong sighed, looking back down at his lover. His thumb drew small circles on the back of Yuta’s hand.   
“Are you going to stay here again tonight?” Mark asked.   
Taeyong nodded. “I think Johnny might stay with me again tonight.”  
“He was here all last night?” Mark found himself asking, his mind traveling back to the fresh mark on the other man’s neck.   
Taeyong looked up at Mark with a questioning expression and a firm nod. “He didn’t want to leave me up here alone.”  
Mark hummed, looking away. “It’s good that you’ve got a friend like that.”  
Taeyong’s lips thinned into a narrow line. “Cut the bull, Mark.”  
Mark flinched at the harsh tone in the elder’s voice, but he sighed, knowing he’d been caught. He went to run a hand through his hair before remembering he no longer had hair and dropped his hand back down to this side.   
“I saw the hickeys on his neck.” Mark responded.  
“So, he’s getting laid.” Taeyong shrugged. “What’s it matter to you. Aren’t you shacking up with your sugar daddy?”  
Mark frowned. “He’s not my sugar daddy. He’s a friend, one that actually cares about me.”  
Taeyong flinched at that, biting his lower lip as he looked down again. “I’m sorry about what happened between you and Johnny. He… He’s sorry about it, too.”  
“He what?” Mark frowned.   
Taeyong sighed, ruffling his hair and tugging at strands of it in frustration. “You think he doesn’t know that he’s fucked up? Done something unforgivably horrible? He’s a fucking mess.”  
“That’s not my problem.” Mark’s voice wavered.   
“You want to know about the hickeys?” Taeyong’s eyes narrowed. “They’re from me.”


	62. 62 - This chapter is titles congrats on the baby!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of my readers told me they were having a baby!

Mark felt like he couldn’t breathe. It had been almost two hours since he had left the hospital, but Taeyong’s confession had left him with a hollow feeling in his stomach and an inability to catch his breath. He had brushed off DoYoung’s offer to take him to his parent’s house for dinner and took a bus back to Jonghoon’s house.   
Mark had curled himself up amongst the cushions on the bench beneath one of the windows. It had begun to snow again, leaving a white blanket over the ground outside. It would have been a beautiful view, looking down from the second floor onto the front yard and the street below. Flakes of white fell from the sky, an orange glow cast over everything from the setting sun. It would have been beautiful if Mark had been able to pay attention to it.  
His mind was still on the conversation with Taeyong. An anger welled up inside of him.   
“How can you sit there, holding his hand, and tell me that you’re sleeping with someone else?” Mark had asked him, venom in his voice.   
Taeyong looked down to where his fingers laced with Yuta’s. “We didn’t sleep together.”  
Mark sighed from where he sat, wrapping his arms around his knees. Taeyong had been adamant that he and Johnny had not slept together. Taeyong had been distraught and Johnny had been incapable of comforting him any other way, so they made out until they both passed out. Mark felt sick. Even if it were the truth, it was still wrong. How could two people who had seemed so great mess up this much?  
Mark heaved another heavy sigh.   
“You sound much too down.” Jonghoon’s voice surprised him. He hadn’t even heard the door open. The elder was still removing his coat as he walked towards Mark. “Has something happened?”  
Mark pulled himself up, already folding himself into the elder’s open arms. He tucked his head beneath Jonghoon’s chin and just savored the hug for a moment. When he pulled away, he tried to keep the smile on his face.   
“Let me have a shower and change.” Jonghoon pressed a kiss to Mark’s forehead. “Then we can talk about it while I make us some supper. You haven’t eaten yet, have you?”  
“I haven’t.” Mark responded, following Jonghoon into his bedroom.   
The elder didn’t seem to mind when Mark followed him into the bathroom and lifted himself up on the counter. Mark watched Jonghoon shimmy out of his clothes, knowing that this was all a show the elder was putting on for him. Jonghoon walked to the shower and turned on the water to heat. Mark watched the muscles stretch over his back as he leaned over the spout. His eyes trained on the elder as he stood up, stretched unnecessarily, and made his way back across the bathroom to grab a towel from the closet.   
“What are you doing?” Mark asked with a grin when Jonghoon stopped in front of him to sit the towel down on the counter.   
“Well, if you’re going to follow me into the bathroom, I might as well give you something to look at.” The elder teased with a wink.   
Mark reached out and pull him closer, spreading his knees so that Jonghoon could stand between them. He leaned forward and pressed a small kiss to the elder’s lips. Jonghoon chuckled and returned a kiss to the tip of Mark’s nose.  
“You’ve no business being as cute as you are.” Jonghoon pouted.  
Mark giggled, giving the elder his brightest smile. “You should get in the shower before you lose all the hot water.”  
“Get in with me.” Jonghoon pouted.  
“I’ve already showered once today.” Mark responded.  
“Please?” Jonghoon asked. The grin on his face morphed from playful to sinful as he looked up at Mark. “I’ll make it worth your while.”  
Mark bit his lip, thinking about it. It didn’t take him long to make a decision, with Jonghoon’s fingers grazing up and down his thighs seductively. He let the elder pull him off the counter and kiss him, longer and softer this time.   
Jonghoon took his time taking off Mark’s clothes, kissing every inch of the boy’s skin that he exposed. Mark leaned back against the counter when the elder dropped to his knees in front of him, pulling his pants down with him. He pressed kisses to Mark’s hips, down his thighs, his knees.   
“Do you truly know how absolutely breathtaking you are?” Jonghoon look up at Mark, and he already looked wrecked and breathless.  
Mark felt the swirling swell of emotions in his chest. He was already more than half hard when the elder stood back up and lead Mark by his hand into the shower and beneath the warm spray of the water. Jonghoon kissed Mark like he worshipped him, slow and languid and everywhere. The elder had a way of making Mark feel like putty, with his hands lathering soap over Mark’s skin and his lips caressing his dusty nipples.   
Jonghoon was Mark begging before he’d even gotten them both washed. His body pressed against the cold tiles, the elder’s knee between his legs providing friction as he rocked his erection into it.   
“Please.” Mark whimpered, as breathless now as Jonghoon was moments before they’d gotten into the shower. “Please, More.”  
Jonghoon looked up from where he was sucking a pretty little spot onto Mark’s collarbone. He was stunning, eyes blown out and dark while water dripped down his soft, pale skin. Mark was struck suddenly, through his lust-haze by just how different Jonghoon and Johnny both were. Where Johnny was tanned skin and taught muscles, Jonghoon was pale and slender. Where Johnny’s hands were rough and large, Jonghoon was smooth and small. That was where Mark’s mind shut down the train of thought, as those small, smooth fingers wrapped around his erection.   
“Oh fuck.” Mark’s head hit the tile behind him as he breathed out the curse. “Yes. Yes, please. Oh god. Yes.”  
He felt Jonghoon’s chuckle rock through his own body at his reaction. “This what you wanted?”  
Mark nodded. “Yes. Yes, thank you. Thank you.”  
“You sound so desperate.” Jonghoon mused, giving Mark’s cock a teasing squeeze.   
Words failing him, Mark was only able to let out a rather pathetic whine as he rocked up into Jonghoon’s hand. Jonghoon continued to stroke him, to tease him, until Mark’s eyes were squeezed shut as he chased the feeling of his orgasm. Then suddenly, everything was gone. Mark’s knees trembled as Jonghoon released him, struggling to keep himself up on his own weight.   
Tears sprung to his eyes as he looked at the man in front of him. He hesitated to reach out for the elder when he saw the spark of something – something that Mark’s cock twitched excitedly at. Mark swallowed, trying to calm himself with a deep breath.   
“Turn around.” Jonghoon ordered. “Hands on the wall, knees apart.”  
Mark tripped over himself in his haste to find the position. He fought the desire to look back over his shoulder and see what the man behind him was doing. Upon his first glance, he felt a hand wrap around him, taking his jaw and forcing his head back to the wall. Mark whimpered.   
“I didn’t say you could look at me.” Jonghoon’s voice sent shockwaves of anticipation through Mark’s body. “Do you want me to punish you?”  
Mark shook his head. “No. No, Sir.”  
“Good boy.” Jonghoon pressed a kiss to Mark’s shoulder blade, fingers trailing down his neck and chest.  
He shivered as he felt the press of the elder’s erection against his backside and those soft fingers wrapping around him once more. Jonghoon continued to press kisses across his back and neck, whispering the words over the spray of the water into Mark’s ear.  
“You stay just like this and let me do all the work, okay My Sweet?” He cooed, punctuating his words with a twist of his wrist. “I’ll make you feel good.”  
“Yes.” Mark nodded. “Yes, please.”  
“You’re such a good boy.” Jonghoon smiled against Mark’s shoulder. “So beautiful, so obedient. You fall apart for me so easily.”  
Mark whimpered, the praises going straight to his cock. His knees trembled and his fingers scraped to find purchase against the smooth tile. Jonghoon trailed kisses down his back, leaving fire in his wake and a litany of praises, complimenting every inch of Mark’s skin, stopping to kiss at every freckle and every mole.   
Jonghoon had to cease his strokes to Mark’s leaking erection as he settled behind the younger man on his knees. This made Mark whine, wriggling to find the friction again. He yelped, jumping slightly, when he received a small slap to his outer thigh – Jonghoon had been more than careful not to hit the leg where the scarring was.   
“I said not to move.” He warned.   
“S..sorry.” Mark breathed out.   
Jonghoon waited until he had moved himself back into his proper position and then he started, once more, to worship Mark’s body. He pressed his fingers and his lips everywhere, feather light touches.   
Mark gasped out when he felt the elder’s tongue between his cheeks, lapping at his hole. He nearly slipped, but held himself steady as the elder’s tongue pressed against the ring of muscles to send shockwaves of pleasure through his entire body.   
From that moment, it was hard for Mark to focus on anything much more than the feelings that assaulted his body. Jonghoon lapped at his hole, pressed his tongue through the ring of muscle, massaged his fingers up and down Mark’s thighs and legs. He cupped the younger’s balls and gave them a light tug and he ate Mark out like it was going to be his last meal.   
“Please. Please. Please.” Mark found himself whimpering out once more.   
Jonghoon hummed against his hole, giving him one last lick before he pulled away to actually speak. “Please what, My Sweet? What do you want?”  
“I want to cum.” Mark whimpered shamelessly, his words nearly a sob. “Please, I want to cum.”  
Jonghoon hummed. “Have you been a good boy?”  
Mark nodded hastiliy. “Been so good. Good boy.”  
Jonghoon spread Mark’s cheeks apart, licking a teasing stripe from the base of his balls all the way to the start of his lower back. Mark whimpered.   
“You’re so ready, just from this?” He asked.   
Mark nodded once more.   
“Cum for me, My Sweet.” Jonghoon whispered. “Cum, just from my tongue in your ass. You can do that for me, can’t you?”  
Mark nodded and he felt the tears stream down his cheeks as Jonghoon dove back in with his tongue and seemingly doubled his efforts. Mark came, cock untouched, splattering against the wall of the shower with a shameless moan. He could hear the softer moans of the elder man behind him. Jonghoon stood up, fingers wrapped around his own erection.   
Mark gasped when Jonghoon wrapped his arms around him and pulled their bodies flush. He could feel the elder’s erection throbbing between his cheeks, a sweet friction as Jonghoon chased his own release. It splattered hot against Mark’s back just moments later and Jonghoon’s tight grip relaxed, lips pressed against his shoulder.   
Mark felt himself smile and relax into the older man’s embrace. Jonghoon merely laughed sweetly as he turned Mark around and pressed their lips together before cleaning them both up once again.   
Mark was still a bit dazed as Jonghoon dragged him out of the shower and dried him off, putting him in a pair of underpants and a large shirt. He listened to the elder talk with a ringing in his ears and a buzzing in his mind as Jonghoon lead him down the stairs and into the kitchen.   
“Mark, are you even listening to me?” Jonghoon turned to look at him with his hands on his hips.   
Mark chuckled. “Sorry. What did you say?”  
Jonghoon rolled his eyes. “I asked you what you wanted for dinner?”  
“Oh.” Mark pursed his lips. “I don’t know.”  
“Noodles?” Jonghoon asked.  
“Oh, that sounds good.” Mark grinned.   
Jonghoon turned around and got to work gathering up all the ingredients he would need to make them both a nice, big pot of noodles. Mark watched him in silence, until Jonghoon spoke again.   
“So, are you going to tell me what had you in such a bummed out mood when I arrived?” He asked.  
Mark pouted. “I’d almost forgotten all about that.”  
“Sorry.” Jonghoon chuckled. “Do you not want to talk about it?”  
Mark shrugged. “It’s just that I found out today that Taeyong and Johnny have been…doing stuff?”  
“Doing stuff?” Jonghoon’s eyebrow rose curiously.  
Mark could feel the blush rising on his cheeks. “I don’t know. Taeyong said not…sex.”  
“But… other stuff?” Jonghoon asked. “How do you feel about that?”  
Mark paused. “I don’t know. I was really angry at first.”  
“Why?”  
Mark sighed. “Because! How could Taeyong do that to Yuta?! After everything that’s happened, after he told me that he was going to be there for Yuta no matter what, he goes and…and…with Johnny!”  
Jonghoon was silent for a long moment, but Mark had already gotten himself worked up, and so he continued to talk.   
“It’s not fair.” He said. “Yuta tried to kill himself because of how much Taeyong hurt him. Because Taeyong cheated on him. And here he is, continuing to cheat on him, and not only that, but with someone that we all trusted.”  
“You trusted Johnny?” Jonghoon couldn’t hold his tongue at that statement.   
Mark sighed. “I did. I don’t know anymore. I don’t know what’s going on. One minute, he’s willing to go to such extremes to keep me away from him and then suddenly he’s acting like he’s worried about me.”  
“Sounds like a tough situation.” Jonghoon responded.   
Mark was silent for a very long moment before he finally spoke again, asking a question that had been weighing heavy on his heart for a while now.   
“Does this not bother you?”  
“Does what not bother me?” Jonghoon went about adding the noodles to the boiling water.  
“Does it not bother you, talking about this? About Johnny? About… my feelings?” Mark looked down at his hands.   
“It does.” Jonghoon answered. “A bit. If you haven’t figured it out yet, I’m kind of hopelessly in love with you.”  
“I assumed.” Mark bit his lip.  
“I’m not naïve enough to think that just because you let me lick your ass that you’re in love with me, too.” Mark gave a shy smile at the look that Jonghoon gave him. “All I want is for you to be happy, Mark. Whether that ends up being with me or with someone else. I just want you happy and safe.”  
“I don’t deserve you.” Mark muttered.   
Jonghoon leaned across the counter and pressed his lips to Mark’s. “You deserve the world.”  
Mark fumbled for a reply, but a distant ringing distracted him. He gave Jonghoon an apologetic smile before pattering off to answer his phone.   
When he returned, Jonghoon gave him a smile as he spooned noodles into two bowls. “Everything alright?”  
Mark nodded. “That was DoYoung. He says his father’s funeral is going to be next week, out in the country-side. Everyone is going.”  
“Will you be alright?”   
Mark nodded. “Would you mind if I stayed here until we left? DoYoung won’t be back at the apartment until after the funeral anyways.”  
“You can stay here as long as you like.” Jonghoon smiled.


	63. 63 - Possible trigger warning for if the description of or discussion of panic attacks is a trigger for you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jonghoon is just really caring and I'm gonna admit it. This story is going to be JohnMark endgame but I totally crackship Mark and Yesung.
> 
> Like seriously, who else is with me? Should I write an unrelated oneshot about Yesung and MArk? 
> 
> Also, please read the chapter title. This chapter deals with panic attacks and I realize that's a topic that might be sensitive to some, so caution if that bothers you.

Over the coming week, Mark had continued to stay with Jonghoon. Things with the older man had continued on just as before, with nothing progressing further than a blowjob and an occasional very gentle fingering. It was enough for Mark, who admitted that it wasn’t even the sex he’d desired at some point, just the need to be taken care of.   
He’d been wholly surprised when Jonghoon had taken that into consideration, and the ways that he’d gone through with that. Mark hadn’t expected that he could feel that warm buzzing in the back of his mind without the thrum of sex in the background, but Jonghoon was more than capable of teaching Mark things he didn’t know.  
He was surprised how little he was embarrassed about the way he liked being taken care of. The first time it had happened, Mark had been at Jonghoon’s house by himself. He had been sitting on the couch, flipping through a book, when he got to a particularly violent scene that he hadn’t known was coming. The panic had set in harder than it ever had and Jonghoon had found Mark a few hours later when he’d returned, curled onto the floor in a pool of his own bile, phone pressed tightly into his hands as if he’d been trying to use it.  
Mark whimpered when the older man had picked him up, waking him from his blissful darkness. His entire body ached and it took him a moment to remember where he was or what had happened. Jonghoon had simply kissed the top of his head and told him they could talk about it in a while. He carried Mark upstairs, the younger boy tucked protectively into his chest, and sat him on the sink while he ran a hot bath.   
Mark chewed his lip and played with his fingers while he waited, nervous and unsure what to say. Jonghoon just turned around and gave him that gentle smile he was so fond of. He slid Mark off the counter with quiet words of encouragement, helped him remove all of his clothing – Mark had gotten one of the others to go to the apartment and get his own clothes so he wouldn’t have to keep wearing Jonghoon’s – and helped Mark right into the bathtub.  
Mark hummed happily as the steamy water warmed up his cold body. When he opened his eyes once more, Jonghoon was sitting on the edge of the tub with his sleeves rolled up and a patient smile on his face. Mark smiled shyly up at him.   
“Hi.” Mark whispered, chewing on his lower lip.  
Jonghoon chuckled, “Hi.”  
Mark looked back down at his hands. Sitting in the bubbly water – and Mark wondered when he’d added the bubbles – and looking up at the older man, Mark felt surprisingly small. He looked down at his hands and his lip trembled.   
“I’m sorry.” He whispered.  
“For what, Sweet?” Jonghoon took a cup on the edge of the tub and filled it with water, gently leaning Mark back. Mark let himself be pulled backwards, eyes closed as he tilted his head back. Jonghoon poured the water over his growing out hair.   
When Mark looked back at him, his lips were trembling. “I threw up on your floor.”  
“Don’t worry about that at all, Sweet.” Jonghoon cooed, pouring shampoo into his hand.  
Mark whimpered, flinching away from Jonghoon’s touch. The elder stilled, patient. Tears welled in Mark’s eyes as the familiar panic began to fill him once more. “The mess… I’ve got to clean the mess… Got to…”  
Mark had started to scramble to get out of the tub, but Jonghoon’s hands took hold of his arms and sat him back down. Mark still struggled, the memory and the fear blinding him, making him deaf to anything other than the memories rushing into his head. Tears streamed down his face and suddenly, he found a strong back pressed against his, warm around wrapped around him.   
Jonghyun had slid into the bathroom behind him, clothes on and all, and wrapped the younger into a careful hug. He pressed a kiss to the side of Mark’s head and whispered comforting words to him.  
“It’s alright, Sweet.” Jonghoon whispered. “It’s okay, there’s no mess. No mess. You’re okay. You’re alright. Breathe, good boy. Breathe for me, Sweet.”  
Jonghoon continued to whisper to Mark, petting his arms, his back, pressing kisses to his cheek and his ear, until Mark’s breathing had evened out entirely and the two laid there in the water until Mark could find his voice again.   
“You’re still wearing clothes.” He whimpered.  
“Don’t worry about me.” Jonghoon whispered. “Are you alright?”  
“I panicked.” Mark admitted, shrinking into himself.   
“I noticed.” Jonghoon pulled Mark back into him, shifting the younger boy onto his side so that he could see Mark. His thumb grazed down the boy’s wet cheek. “Are you alright now?”  
“I don’t know.” Mark muttered. “I feel better, I think.”  
“Good.” Jonghoon nodded. “Good. Good.”  
“You’re still wearing clothes.” Mark muttered again.  
Jonghoon chuckled. “Are you hinting that you want me to take my clothes off, or just get out of the tub?”  
Mark pouted. Jonghoon leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. Then he pulled himself up out of the bath and stepped onto the tiled floor, dripping water. Mark whimpered as he looked at the water hitting the floor in puddles. Jonghoon turned back around and gave him a blinding smile.   
“I’ll get changed and clean everything up, alright? You just sit here and enjoy your bath, alright?” He leaned down and pressed a kiss to the top of Mark’s head, ruffling his wet hair.   
Mark nodded and watched with a shy blush on his face while the elder stripped out of his wet clothing. He slung a towel around himself and wrung his clothes out in the skin. Before he left, he ruffled Mark’s hair once more as he leaned over to add more hot water to the tap.   
“You call me if you need me, okay, Sweet?” His calm smile soothed Mark and he had a smile on his face when the elder left, wet clothes bundled beneath his arm.   
Mark sighed when he was left alone. He didn’t like it. Everything felt stifling and uncomfortable and the overwhelming desire to start crying once more. He found himself screaming out Jonghoon’s name not even ten minutes after the elder had left him alone.   
Jonghoon slid across the floor in his haste to get into the bathroom, dropping to his knees on the floor. “Are you alright?”  
Mark wiped furiously at the tears on his cheeks. “I didn’t want to be alone.”  
“It’s alright.” Jonghoon cooed.  
His hands were everywhere on Mark, feather-light touches of comfort. Mark whimpered at the touch, leaning into it as if he’d been starved for affection all his life.   
“How about this?” Jonghoon’s voice was soft when he spoke. “I’ll wash your hair for you, okay, Sweet?”  
Hesitantly, Mark nodded.   
Jonghoon smiled. He shifted himself into a comfortable position on his knees and leaned over Mark. Mark hesitated to give the elder a shy smile. It was strange getting looked at with that expression, like he was the most important thing in the room, to be cherished and taken care of and not a burden for it.   
“Which scent do you want?” Jonghoon asked, in that kind of a tone reserved for pacifying upset children. “Strawberries or ocean breeze?”  
Mark hummed thoughtfully as he looked between the two bottles that Jonghoon was offering him. “Strawberry?”  
Jonghoon smiled. “Good boy.”  
He proceeded to spend the rest of the time washing Mark’s hair discussing what the younger would like to eat for supper. It took a bit, but he coaxed Mark into admitting that he wanted some pizza. Jonghoon dipped Mark under the water and rinsed out all the shampoo and when he pulled him back up, he declared that he was going to order pizza and make sure to get Mark’s favorite toppings.   
Mark had a smile on his face, a real and proper one, when Jonghoon wrapped him in a warm fluffy towel and carried him into the bedroom. He sat him down on the couch by the bed and turned around to go find something from Mark’s suitcase for him to wear.   
Mark spoke up hesitantly, “J..Jonghoon?”  
“Yes, My Sweet?” He turned around, calming smile ever on his face.   
Mark blushed as he looked down at his hands, twisting in the cloth of his towel. “Can I… Could I…”  
“You can have anything you want, My Sweet.” Jonghoon stepped back to him and once more kissed the top of his head innocently. “All you have to do is ask.”  
Ears bright red, Mark muttered out the embarrassing words. “Could I wear one of your shirts?”  
Jonghoon’s laugh twisted at Mark’s stomach, the fear that he was about to be made fun of twisted into his head, but the elder’s words soothed the fears away almost instantly.   
“Would you like to come choose which shirt you want to wear?”  
Mark nodded, allowed the shy smile back on his face. Jonghoon took his hand and lead him into the closet. He waved his arm at all the shirts he had displayed on hangars, allowing Mark his pick of any of them. It took him a moment to decide, drying his fingers well on the towel before touching the clothes. He ended up picking out an oversized orange and yellow striped tee shirt.   
Jonghoon slipped it over his head for him before also dressing him in some of his own underpants and sleep shorts. He then lead Mark back out and down to the living room where he sat on the couch and pulled the younger into his arms, wrapping around him while he slipped out his phone to order a pizza. The two spent some time deciding what they wanted from the app menu and when it was ordered, Jonghoon put away his phone and turned on the television.   
After a moment of silence, Jonghoon spoke. “Are you ready to talk about what happened?”  
“I had a panic attack.” Mark muttered.  
“Why didn’t you call me?” Jonghoon asked. “I’d have come back sooner.”  
“I…” Mark clung to the older man’s side. “I tried. I couldn’t make my phone work. I’m sorry.”  
“Don’t be sorry.” Jonghoon pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “I’m just glad to know that you were going to let me know something was wrong, even if you couldn’t. I’m just glad that you’re okay.”  
Mark nodded, silent.  
“What caused it?” He asked.  
Mark shrugged lightly. “I was reading a book. There was a… a violent scene.”  
Mark watched Jonghoon’s eyes shift to the book discarded on the side table. Mark chewed his lower lip.   
“I’m not surprised that you got upset if you were reading that book.” Jonghoon pouted and Mark didn’t like it.   
“I’m sorry.” He whispered. “I won’t read it anymore.”  
Jonghoon hugged him tighter, nearly pulling the younger into his lap, and Mark let him. “It’s okay, Sweet. You’re not in trouble, but I agree that you shouldn’t be reading those kinds of books.”  
“I’m sorry.” Mark hid his face, cheeks reddening with shame.   
“I just don’t want you doing things that could make you upset or cause you to panic.” He whispered.   
Mark just nodded. “Jonghoon?”  
“Hmm?”  
“I’m scared.” He admitted, refusing to look up at the older male. He could still feel Jonghoon’s body tense around him and it made him nervous.   
“Of what?” Jonghoon asked, his voice careful.   
Mark looked down at his hands, running his fingers over the light scarring. “I’ve never had a panic attack that bad before. I was unconscious…”  
“Oh, Sweet.” Jonghoon cooed, wrapping the younger into a comfortable hug. “I wish that I could make everything alright for you.”  
“I’m so scared.” Mark felt tears prickling at his eyes again. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I was just fine last week and suddenly… I’m scared all the time and everything is scary. What if I end up like Yuta? What if I…”  
“Don’t talk like that, Sweet.” Jonghoon’s voice was stern, but still soft. His fingers drew circles on Mark’s back while he held him. “I don’t know why you’re suddenly more affected by everything than you have been. I can’t give you those answers. I can tell you that what happened to your friend was very upsetting. I can’t imagine what it would be like to have someone I cared for that much go through something like that. But I do know that you’re not going to make that same mistake, okay?”  
Mark sniffled at the pause in the elder’s words. “How do you know?”  
He could feel the elder’s smile against the side of his head. “Because I think if you were seriously going to do something like that, you wouldn’t have told me your fears about it.”  
Mark let out a strangled sound in his throat in response.   
Jonghoon didn’t breathe for a moment as something seemed to run through his mind. “Mark?”  
“Hmm?”  
“Have you…” Jonghoon paused, as if not sure how to proceed. “Have you thought about…harming yourself?”  
Mark stilled in the elder’s arms, a chill of dread shooting through him like an ice bolt. He couldn’t lie, not to Jonghoon. The thoughts had been on his mind a lot recently, since Yuta had almost been taken from him. But…  
“I don’t think I want to actually do it.” Mark muttered. “Even though it’s been on my mind a lot.”  
“Do you need someone to talk to?” Jonghoon whispered the words softly into Mark’s ear.   
Mark hummed. “I’m talking to you.”  
“I meant…” Jonghoon pulled away so that he could properly look into Mark’s eyes. “I meant a professional.”  
“A… a therapist?” Mark whimpered, looking down.  
“I think it would be good for you.” Jonghoon responded. “To talk about how you’re feeling with a professional. Someone who is trained in how brains work and knows what to say. Because right now, I don’t…”  
“Jonghoon…” Mark bit his lip, heart sinking at the sudden insecurity on the elder’s face.   
Jonghoon wrapped him in a tight hug suddenly. “I don’t want to lose you. I care for you so, so much. I want you to be happy and healthy. The idea of you…doing that…it scares me.”  
“I’m sorry.” Mark muttered.  
“Don’t be sorry because I care for you.” Jonghoon responded. Mark went to respond, but in that moment there was a knock on the door. Jonghoon pressed his lips to Marks forehead before scooting the boy off his lap. He stood up and disappeared towards the door to get their pizzas.  
Mark watched the doorway where he had left for a while before he decided to stand up and pattered after the older man. He found him in the kitchen, sitting the hot boxes of food onto the counter. He paused when he noticed Mark walking in and gave him a breathtaking smile.   
Mark took a deep breath. “I’ll do it.”  
“What?” Jonghoon asked, smile still on his face.   
“I’ll talk to a therapist.” Mark stepped forward, biting his lip. He reached out to Jonghoon, the elder understanding his wants and pulling him into a hug. “I just need to find one.”  
“Don’t worry, Sweet.” The elder muttered into his hair. “I know some people. I can get you an appointment.”  
Mark nodded, pulling away to look at the elder. “Can it be after the funeral? We’re leaving the day after tomorrow.”  
Jonghoon nodded. “I’ll have an appointment all set up for you as soon as you get back.”  
“Are you sure you can’t come with me?” Mark whimpered this question, turning a full blown pout up to the older man. Jonghoon just chuckled.   
“I would come if I could, you know that, Sweet.” He said. “But it’s your friend’s father’s funeral, it would be rude of me to crash it. Besides, I’ve got schedules here in town that I have to attend to.”  
Mark whined. “I don’t want to go by myself.”  
“You won’t be by yourself.” Jonghoon ruffled his hair. “You’ll be with your friends.”  
Mark just pouted again, until Jonghoon kissed his pouty lips. When he pulled away, he laughed at whatever expression Mark had on his face.   
“You’re so cute, you know that?” He asked, releasing Mark as he turned around to grab some plates. “I’ll be right here when you get back, you can call me whenever you want. Now come, Sweet, let’s have pizza.”


	64. 64 - I wrote this on my computer but I'm uploading it on my phone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mark is honest. 
> 
> Somethings going on between Johnny and taeyong. 
> 
> Haechan is a precious baby who must be protected at all costs, his sweet innocent soul.

“What is he doing here?” Lucas wore a prominent pout as he stared at Johnny.   
The group had all agreed to meet at the bookstore so that they could carpool to the countryside. Ten and Doyoung were going to take Lucas and their mother in their vehicle. Mark had greeted the tired woman when Jonghoon had first dropped him off. He had been the first to arrive and he’d been content enough to sit on the trunk of DoYoung’s mother’s car while the four boys talked and waited for the rest of them.   
Jaena pulled up with a borrowed minivan and Wonshik not twenty minutes later. Mark was surprised to hear that Wonshik had actually worked with DoYoung’s father before he had taken ill and would be attending as well. Haechan arrived shortly after. Jaehyun dropped him off and the two boys hugged for nearly ten minutes. Haechan surprised them all when he pushed up on his top-toes and pressed a less-than-innocent kiss to his older boyfriend’s mouth.   
Johnny and Taeyong had been the last to show up. Both looked like they’d been through hell to get there. Johnny was nursing a black eye and Taeyong was unsuccessfully hiding the redness on his knuckles. Lucas had noticed Johnny shortly after Mark had and shifted to place himself in front of Mark. The older man smiled softly at his friend’s protective nature, even if it was unnecessary.   
“He knew my dad.” DoYoung’s voice was tight when he spoke. “He’s invited.”  
Johnny kept his eyes on the ground as everyone spoke, frowning.   
“Did something happen?” Jaena asked, arms crossed, as she looked between everyone. “I feel like I’m missing out on something.”  
“It’s nothing.” Mark answered before anyone else could, sliding off the trunk of the car and stepping around Lucas. “Nothing important.”  
“Not important?!” Lucas’s voice rose, “Mark, he…”  
“I know what he did!” Mark hadn’t raised his voice before, and so when it flew up a few octaves everyone stepped back. Mark took a deep breath and sighed. “It’s an issue between me and Johnny and I’d appreciate it if the rest of you would just stay out of it. Now, can we please go?”  
Lucas looked down at the ground, shifting on his feet. “Store is still open if anyone needs to use the toilets before we leave.”  
“I’ll help get the last of the suitcases in the trunk.” Jaena looked a bit shellshocked herself as she took Wonshik by the wrist and lead him off.   
Mark sighed again and no one said anything else as they all got ready to go. Lucas, DoYoung, Ten, and their mother all climbed into their own car. Jaena took her spot as driver of the van with Wonshik in the front seat. Johnny and Taeyong had climbed into the very back seat. Mark and Haechan took the seats in the middle row. YangYang showed up at the last minute, running down the street and breathing heavy.  
He pressed his lips to DoYoung’s as he quickly explained that his bus had been late. He insisted on riding in the van because the car was already full of passengers and suitcases. He climbed in and situated himself right in between Johnny and Taeyong, entirely unaware of the tension between the two of them.   
Mark found himself fidgeting as they started on their drive. The uncomfortable silence was making him feel strange and he didn’t like it. He didn’t know what he could do to fix it. He didn’t dare speak to Johnny or Taeyong. The question he wanted to ask Haechan wasn’t something he thought the innocent kid would be comfortable answering with so many ears around.  
“So, how is Yuta?” YangYang broke the silence while Mark was still contemplating.   
Mark followed Haechan’s response and twisted around in his seat so that he could look at the three in the back seat. Johnny turned to look out the window as his frown deepened. Taeyong looked down at his trembling, red fingers. YangYang looked back and forth between the two with a curious smile on his face.   
Taeyong spoke, his voice rough, as if he’d been crying too much lately. “He woke up yesterday.”  
“That’s great!” The German boy grinned. “How is he?”  
Taeyong shrugged. “Physically, he’s going to be fine.”  
“But?” YangYang’s smile faded, corners of his lips turning down into a nervous frown.   
It was Johnny that responded this time. “He’s been catatonic since he woke up. He doesn’t eat or drink or move or talk. It’s just like he’s still in a coma, but his eyes are open.”  
“They’re admitting him to one of the nearby Psych Wards in the next few days.” Taeyong continued. “The hospital psychiatrist says he’ll probably be there for a month or two.”  
“But they think he’ll get better?” Mark asked.   
Taeyong and Johnny both looked at him when he spoke. He shrank down into his seat, but Taeyong just nodded his head. Mark smiled at that.   
“I’m relieved that he’s going to be alright.” Mark breathed out.  
“What about you?” YangYang asked. “How have you been holding up?”  
Mark chewed his lip, avoiding everyone’s gaze. He didn’t want to lie, not to his friends, and part of himself wanted to see Johnny’s reaction to how badly he’d messed Mark up.  
“Not well.” Mark watched Johnny tense as he spoke. “My stitches are healing, but the scars aren’t going to heal entirely. I caught an infection for a while in one of the cuts, but it’s clearing up. My panic attacks are getting worse, though.”  
“Are they bad?” Haechan pouted at Mark with his wide, innocent eyes.  
Mark turned to look at him, his eyes lingering on Johnny for a moment before moving past. He gave a single nod. “I’m not sleeping well anymore. Two days ago, I had an attack that caused me to go unconscious for a few hours.”  
“Holy shit.” Taeyong muttered under his breath, clearly not expecting anyone to hear.  
“You said that.” YangYang muttered. Mark watched his eyes dart to Johnny for a moment before turning back to Mark. “Are you going to be okay?”  
Mark nodded slowly. “I recently talked to Jonghoon about… about how I’ve been feeling lately. He’s set me up an appointment to talk to a therapist when he get back to Seoul.”  
“That’s awesome, Mark.” Jaena was grinning from the front seat. “I’m so proud of you.”  
Mark returned the smile. “Enough about that, though. I want to know…where are we going?”  
“We’re going to be staying with Ten’s grandparents.” Jaena answered.  
“His grandparents?”  
Haechan nodded. “Ten’s dad lived on a farm out in the country with his parents before he moved to Seoul.”  
“He’s going to be buried in the family graveyard on their property.” Jaena said.  
“Oh.” Mark pursed his lips together thoughtfully. “Wow.”  
After that, conversation became easier in the car. Though Johnny and Taeyong didn’t speak much, or at all to each other. Mark found himself staring out of the window more than he paid attention to the conversation. Especially once they had actually left the city. He’d never been out of Seoul in the entire time he’d lived in the country. It was nothing more than fields and trees, but Mark looked at it as if it were the first time he was ever seeing such a sight.   
Two hours into the ride, Mark was jostled out of his near daze when the van pulled off into a gas station. YangYang was bouncing in his seat, excited about a bathroom break and a chance to see his boyfriend again. Haechan was smiling brightly and telling Wonshik about the extra money Jaehyun had given him so that he could get snacks on the trip.   
Mark followed everyone out of the vehicle, stretching his legs as he did so. He didn’t really have anything in particular he wanted to do. He didn’t particularly want snacks, or need to use the bathroom. He decided that while the others were in the store, he would just wait in the van. Climbing back in, he realized that another person had the same idea as him.   
“Mark.” His name sounded broken coming from Johnny’s mouth.   
Mark tensed, but turned to look at the older man. “Do you need something?”  
Johnny flinched at the obvious coldness in Mark’s tone. A momentary twist of guilt filled him, but he pushed it away. Johnny deserved to feel bad and Mark deserved to be upset at him. He wasn’t the one who had done wrong, Johnny had.  
“I just wanted to… thank you.” Johnny’s voice was soft. Mark couldn’t tell if it was just because he was tired or if it was something else. “You didn’t have to tell the others to leave me alone.”  
“I didn’t do it for you.” Mark turned to look back out the window instead of at Johnny’s pathetic form in the back seat. And he really was pathetic when Mark got a better look at him. His skin was pale, with dark circles under his red eyes. He looked like he’d lost weight, his clothes hanging off of his frame like rags and his cheeks sunken and hollow. He had once been so beautiful that Mark couldn’t think straight when he looked at the elder. Now, he just looked exactly like what Lucas kept accusing him of being – a junkie.  
“Why did you?” Johnny asked. “You know that when Jaena finds out she’s going to kill me.”  
“I did it because talking about it makes me feel like I’m going to have another panic attack.” Mark responded. Plus, I don’t want Jaena to hurt you. I’m not that cruel.”  
He could see Johnny flinch through the rearview mirror. “I’ll never be able to apologize enough.”  
“I don’t want you to apologize.” Mark snapped.   
He expected Johnny to say something else, but as the silence stretched on, no words came.   
“What happened between you and Taeyong?” Mark found himself asking.  
He heard Johnny sigh. “We got into a fight.”  
“Over what?”  
Johnny paused for a moment. He scratched at his arm like he didn’t even know he was doing it, but when he noticed, he shifted to sit on his hands. “He wanted me to do something that I’m not comfortable with.” He admitted. “I let him get away with it the first few times because he was… we were both… just, really messed up.”  
Realization dawned on Mark. Johnny was referring to the hickeys, to the times he’d made out with Taeyong – the times Taeyong insisted never went further than making out.  
“What made you change your mind?” Mark asked before his brain could catch up with his mouth.   
Johnny was silent for a very long time before he finally asked a question of his own. “Taeyong told you, didn’t he?”  
Mark nodded slowly.  
Johnny sighed. “I don’t know what possessed me to do it. I guess I can say that about a lot of things I’ve done recently.”  
“Why did you stop?” Mark asked the question again.  
“It didn’t feel right.” Johnny responded after a moment. “Taeyong is in love with Yuta and it’s not fair to either of them for me to let him take out his frustrations that way with me. I’m not even attracted to him like that. I’m not gay.”  
“It’s been a while since I’ve heard that.” Mark couldn’t help the small lilt of a smile that came to his lips.  
Johnny gave a soft chuckle. “Yeah. But it’s true. Mark. I told him that I couldn’t keep letting him do that to me because the only man I’ll ever want to touch me that was is you.”  
Mark froze at that statement. He remembered the last time that Johnny had touched him and he could feel his heart start to race.  
Johnny seemed to notice this as well because his eyes widened and he pressed himself as far into his seat as possible. “I’m not going to touch you. I promise. You’re safe. I won’t ever, ever touch you again.”  
Mark took a deep breath, the words doing little to calm him. He forced himself to think of something else for a moment. He recited the alphabet to himself. In Korean and English. “I’m fine.”  
“I’m sorry.”  
“So you told him you weren’t going to do that with him anymore and he…punched you?” Mark asked.  
Johnny nodded. “Something like that. Some other things might have been said.”  
Mark didn’t have a chance to respond any further to that because the others had finally started to return to the van. Taeyong refused to meet Mark’s eyes as he shuffled past him and back into the seat in the back. YangYang followed as well. Haechan climbed in and held out a bottle of juice to Mark with a smile.  
“You should stay hydrated, even if you don’t want snacks.”  
Mark took it with a smile, leaning over to ruffle Haechan’s hair. “Thanks, Channie.”  
The boy giggled, waiting until Mark opened the bottle and took a drink before he settled into his own seat and pulled out his own drink. Mark settled himself back into his seat, making himself comfortable as they pulled back out onto the open road.   
Mark found himself looking into the rearview mirror again, his eyes meeting Johnny’s for a moment. He looked away quickly, glancing back out the window. His mind was a mess again, and he suddenly felt very anxious to talk to that therapist.   
He was quiet the rest of the trip, and even dozed off for a while. He was awoken by DoYoung, Mark’s bag slung over his shoulder along with his own.   
“Come on, we’ve got to walk up to the house.” He grinned at Mark’s sleepy expression as he wiped his eyes and blinked to restore his vision.   
Mark climbed out of the vehicle, looking around at their surroundings. There were at what looked like the end of a long dirt road that wound up into the mountains. In front of them was a staircase leading up the steep side of the mountain towards a flat area where Mark could just see a house sitting, smoke rising from a fire stoked inside.   
He shuffled himself around with the group, floundering because DoYoung refused to let him carry his own bag – “You’re still healing, it’s not good for you to carry so much weight like that.”  
Mark took up the back of the line, Haechan hovering just in front of him while they started the climb up. Mark decided there was no better time than this, so he spoke up.   
“Channie, can I ask you something?” Mark asked.  
The younger paused, waiting for Mark to catch up with him before turning to look at him with a curious smile. “What’s up, Hyung?”  
Mark chewed his lip, his cheeks redding a bit. “I saw you and Jaehyun when you were saying goodbye, and I remembered that conversation we had. I wanted to ask you…”  
“Have we had…sex?” Haechan’s ears turned bright red with the question.   
Mark only nodded, waiting patiently as they climbed the steps for Haechan to answer.  
“I did talk to him about it.” The younger started. “Like you said.”  
“Oh?”  
Haechan nodded. “He asked me if I was really ready for something like that.”  
“What did you say?”  
“I….” Haechan pouted. “I think he could tell because I hesitated. I didn’t want to disappoint him.”  
“He didn’t look disappointed.” Mark gave him a small smile.  
Haechan smiled again himself and nodded, the blush on his cheeks red. “He said that it’s alright. He’s actually… What did he call it… Asexual?”  
“Oh?” Mark’s eyebrows rose in surprise.  
Haechan nodded, his hair bouncing around his face. “He says he’s not really interested in sex and stuff. So it’s fine if I’m not ready. He says he’ll be ready when I am, but there’s no rush or anything.”   
“And how do you feel about that?” Mark asked.  
Haechan grinned. “I’m just happy that I don’t have to worry about him leaving me if I don’t sleep with him. He likes me because of me, not because he wants to get me in bed. I love him, too.”  
Haechan seemed to realize the words that had come out of his mouth because he squeaked and slapped his hands over his lips, wide eyed.   
“Channie?” Mark questioned.  
Haechan whined, pulling his hand away from his mouth, shy smile on his lips. “I… I love him.” He whispered the confession again. “I haven’t said… We haven’t said that… yet. I love him.”


	65. 65 - I'm going to dye my hair lavender soon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while since we got Johnny's POV
> 
> What he and Taeyong were arguing about
> 
> The funeral commences.

Johnny hated the entire idea of this. He’d broken a sweat before they’d even made it to the gas station and his leg started cramping half way up to the house. He remained mostly silent after greeting Ten’s parents, sitting in the back and wiping the sweat on his brow and actively trying not to look at Mark. He could feel Lucas’s glare on him and tried to keep his eyes on his hands.

It took only a little while for Grandma Lee to suggest showing everyone to their rooms. Johnny followed up the line, trying to keep his distance from everyone. Everything felt too sharp, to crystal. His skin burned like ice on a burning wound.

Jaena and Haechan were put in a room together. Ten and Doyoung piled into their usual room with YangYang and Lucas. Mrs. Lee got a room to herself. Wonshik offered to share with Mark, which only left the last room for Johnny and Taeyong.

The other man still refused to look at him when they walked into the room and shut the door. It was a pretty bare room, not originally meant for a bedroom. It looked to have been an office at one point. There were shelves against one wall full of books and an old desk that looked like it had been unused for a while. In the middle of the room, two bundles of bedding had been provided.

Taeyong took one pile and pushed it as far to one side of the room as he could. Johnny sighed and grabbed the other set. “This is ridiculous, Tae.”

Silence.

“You’re really going to give me the cold shoulder?”

Silence.

Johnny unrolled his bedding and laid down on it, sorting out his pillows. He rested his head on his knees and watched Taeyong avidly try to ignore him. Taeyong fixed his bedding and then turned to his suitcase. Johnny could tell that he wasn’t necessarily looking for anything in it. More, he was rooting around to waste time so that he didn’t have to look at Johnny.

Johnny sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Listen, Mark asked me what’s going on between us.” This made Taeyong freeze. He was listening, at least. “If he’s noticed enough to say something to me, then the others are bound to notice something as well. Right now isn’t the time to be doing this. We’re here for a funeral, for god’s sake.”

“You think I don’t know that?” Taeyong hissed, whipping around with eyes narrowed directly at Johnny. “But how am I supposed to act like nothing has happened?”

“Isn’t that what we’ve been doing?” Johnny asked, looking away. “Pretending.”

“I stole his boyfriend, broke his heart, made him try to kill himself, and still he’s asking me to be here.” Taeyong’s voice suddenly sounded soft, broken. His shoulder’s sagged with the weight of his heart.

“You made Yuta happy.” Johnny answered. “That’s all DoYoung ever wanted, for Yuta to be happy.”

“And now he’s catatonic in a hospital room.” Taeyong tried to glare, but it didn’t hold as much heat as he seemed to have wanted.

“He’s still alive.” Johnny responded.

“I hate you.” Taeyong’s voice wavered. “I hate you for telling me any of it. How could I have been so horrible?”

“You?” Johnny gave a bitter laugh as he rubbed at the twitching muscle in his leg again. “I’m a fucking monster, Tae.”

“Yeah.” Taeyong’s agreement twisted at Johnny’s heart, but he had expected it. There hadn’t been a moment since Taeyong had found out what Johnny had done that he hadn’t made an effort to remind Johnny how terrible his actions had been. “How you holding up?”

“Fine.” Johnny looked away again, swallowing the bile rising in his stomach. “It’s not as bad as I thought it was going to be.”

“How long as it been?” Taeyong eyed him with an intense stare and a frown.

Johnny looked down at his hands. “About sixteen hours?”

Taeyong hummed and a silence fell upon the two of them. After what seemed like forever, Taeyong spoke again. “I guess I should thank you, at least.”

“What for?” Johnny asked.

Taeyong shrugged. “For telling me no? For stopping…whatever the fuck it was that we were about to do? I don’t know. For taking care of me? Funny…”

“What’s funny?” Johnny’s brow pinched together at the bitter laugh Taeyong let out with his words.

The other man looked at him for a while, a considering expression on his face. After what seemed like an eternity, he finally spoke. “Just before Yuta…just before he got hurt, I spoke with Mark. He asked me to take care of you. Yet here you are, taking care of me instead.”

Johnny’s heart froze in his chest for a moment, the spark of something long since dead twinkling beneath the harsh edges and the growing nausea. Something like hope. “He…what?”

Taeyong sighed. “You really have no idea how much that boy loves you, do you?”

“What?” Johnny’s eyes widened.

Taeyong leaned back against the wall, studying Johnny. “Even after everything you did to him, he only wants to make sure that you’re alright.”

“I don’t deserve him.” Johnny whined, falling down onto his back with a thump that sent a headache ringing through his skull.

“You don’t.” Taeyong responded. “And there’s going to be hell to pay when Jaena finds out what you’ve done. You’re lucky Mark’s told everyone to keep it hush.”

Johnny paused for a while. “Do you think he’ll ever forgive me?”

“I don’t know.” Taeyong answered, picking at his fingers. “But if he does, it’s not going to be any time soon, and it’s not going to be until after you get your shit together. You’re a fucking mess.”

“I know.”

“What happened to you, man?” Taeyong asked. “You didn’t used to be like this.”

Johnny sighed, turning his head to look at Taeyong. “I’d like to say it was that bitch Jessica’s fault that I’m like this. But really, I have no one to blame but myself.”

“At least you’re self-aware enough to know that.” Taeyong chuckled a bit and Johnny joined in.

When the silence returned, it was more comfortable. They stayed like that for some time, until Ten came to collect them for dinner. Johnny pulled himself up off the floor in a dizzy haze. He wasn’t particularly hungry as his stomach wasn’t currently being friendly to him, but he still trudged out to the front and took a seat at the table between Taeyong and Wonshik.

Dinner wasn’t as bad as he’d thought it would be. He kept quiet, pushing his food around on his plate to make it look like he’d eaten. He managed to take a few bites when he’d noticed Mark’s eyes on him and a strange shiver went through him as he remembered his conversation with Taeyong just now. Johnny would not approach Mark himself, no matter how much he wanted to drop to his knees and beg with his life for forgiveness that he knew he didn’t deserve.

“Why don’t we break out a couple of bottles of Soju?” Grandpa Lee suggested, once the food was finished. Mrs. Lee and Grandma Lee, with Jaena and Haechan’s help, cleaned off the table. They came back with a few bottles and some glasses.

Johnny’s mouth watered. He swallowed the rising bile. He could feel eyes on him. Taeyong, Lucas, Mark. His fingers trembled as Jaena sat a glass down in front of him. He could feel her frowning gaze on him.

“No thank you.” He shook his head, pushing the glass away from himself before he could lose his resolve. He ignored the shocked expressions of those around him.

“Are you sure?” Grandpa Lee asked, oblivious to the sudden mood change of the others.

Johnny could feel the red on his cheeks. “I’m…. recovering.”

That seemed to be all the explanation that the older man needed. He simply took the glass away for his own, replacing it with a glass of water.

Johnny took a sip, his hand shaking so much he nearly spilled it. He chanced a glance around the room to find Lucas staring at him with a blank expression. Beside him, Mark was smiling brightly as he held a conversation with Grandma Lee. It had been a while since he’d seen Mark smiling like that. It brought a sense of hope to him, that despite Mark’s assurance that he wasn’t doing well, there was hope that he could heal.

The water felt like ice in his mouth. It was mid-November and there was no reason for Johnny to feel this hot. Short of the fever and he chills he’d been sporting since earlier that day.

“Johnny?” Wonshik, surprisingly, leaned over to whisper to him. “You alright?”

Johnny turned a dazed gaze on the other man and gave a whimper. “I feel like shit. I think I’m catching a cold.”

Wonshik frowned. “Why don’t you go ahead and go to sleep? I’m sure there’s some medicine around here somewhere that you can take.”

Johnny hummed. “I think you’re right.”

He stood, swaying, and announced his departure, explaining that he was feeling a bit ill. Grandma Lee ushered him to his room after shoving a box of medicine and a water bottle into his hands. He ignored Mark’s distant eyes on him as he walked out of the room.

He took the medicine in his room, knowing that it wouldn’t do anything to help the aches, the fever, the burn that pulsed through his veins. He tossed, eyes squeezed shut like that would help him get to sleep in any way. He regretted, now, not accepting that Soju. At least it might have taken the edge off this pain.

He deserved this, he thought to himself. He curled into a ball, shaking violently, tears streaking down his cheeks. His mind was in turmoil, an agonizing circle of thoughts. Did Mark hurt this much? Had he put Mark through agony like this? Did he hurt enough to make up for the pain that he put that poor boy through? He deserved this, worse than this.

Johnny was in and out of consciousness. He wasn’t aware of the passing of time, had no idea how long he’d been laying there before Taeyong came into the room. He heard his friend talking, but couldn’t comprehend the words. He felt something cold on his forehead, possibly a wet rag. He groaned, relishing in the warmth against his feverish skin. He sank back into blackness, muttering his thanks into the void.

When Johnny woke up the next morning, he felt much better. For a while. He skipped breakfast, siting an upset stomach from his illness the night before. He didn’t get his first sign of the aches until after he’d dressed into the suit he brought to wear to the funeral. He blamed them on the designer suit Mark was sporting and the blinding smile he wore as he explained that Jonghoon had bought it for him. Johnny wasn’t jealous.

Mark came up to him just as they were leaving the house, everyone in their best outfits, walking in line down the long stairway towards the road.

“How are you feeling?” He asked.

“Fine.” Johnny’s voice was rough when he spoke and he flinched.

“You know, I am a medical student, still.” Mark sighed, sounding annoyed. “I can tell that you’re ill.”

“You’ve always been smart.” Johnny looked away from him, unable to keep the compliment from slipping out. He knew it didn’t make sense, but he seemed to believe that being kind to the younger man would put him at ease, make him less scared of him.

“Are you sure you can handle this funeral?” Mark asked, no nonsense.

“I’ll be fine.” Johnny responded again.

Mark sighed again. He reached up to run a hand through his hair, remembered that he had no hair, and dropped his hand back down to his side. That was Johnny’s fault. He had once loved Mark’s yellow curls. It was his fault that they were gone.

“I’m sorry.” Johnny muttered again, glancing at Mark. He saw the boy stiffen momentarily.

“For what, this time?”

“This time?” His laugh was bitter and brought with it the beginnings of a headache. “Your hair. I liked your curls. They made you look like you had a halo.”

“I’m no angel.” Mark’s lips curled into a frown.

Johnny bit his lip. “Not that my opinion matters much to you anymore, but for what it might be worth… even without hair, you’re still beautiful.”

Mark was silent after that. Johnny didn’t know what to say, or if he should say anything else. Eventually, Mark picked up his pace and Johnny watched him leave. He was breathless by the time he made it to the bottom of the path. Taeyong wordlessly held out a bottle of water to him.

He gave him a soft smile as he took it, hoping the liquid would cool him down and ease the twinging in his muscles. He slid into the car with YangYang between him and Taeyong just like the day before.

The funeral was like a fever dream for Johnny. He would have to remind Taeyong how much he loved and appreciated him when he was coherent again. The other man had stood by Johnny’s side, feeding him water and crackers hidden in his pockets. He let Johnny lean against him when he got dizzy standing and rubbed his twitching, aching muscles when he sat back down.

Once the entire ordeal was over, Johnny couldn’t have been more relieved. He was ready to fall into a stupor in the back seat of the van and never wake up again. He was sure, knowing how sickly he actually looked, that the others wouldn’t mind if he didn’t stick around for the little party they were planning on throwing. DoYoung even wrapped him in a hug before he got in the car and thanked him for coming, even though he was sick.

Johnny felt sick, sick with guilt. Sick of himself. Sick of his behavior. Sick of the lies. Johnny was sick.


	66. 66 - I'd like a joke about a dragon please

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have nothing to say this time.

The entire funeral ceremony passed effortlessly, as much so as the burial of one’s loved one could be considered effortless. Mark hadn’t known DoYoung and Ten’s father, but that did not stop him from shedding tears as he listened to all those who knew him speak well on his name. He kept to DoYoung’s side most of the time. He just couldn’t help the sense of guilt in the pit of his stomach when they finally made it back home and he could change out of the stuffy suit.  
He found himself sitting outside in the courtyard with a warm coat on, bundled around a fire with a bottle of beer in his hand towards the end of the day. Mrs. Lee had retired to bed along with her late-husbands mother, but Grandpa Lee had opted to stay up drinking with the youngsters and telling stories about Mr. Lee as a child.   
Mark thought the stories were humorous, and was thoroughly entertained by many of them, but he knew that they weren’t for him when he saw the way Ten and DoYoung watched their grandfather talk. Jealousy ate at the fringes of his heart, a deep aching, a longing to have had such a relationship with his own parents that he would mourn at the loss of one of them. As it stood right now, Mark wouldn’t even have known if his parents were still alive or not.   
After one particularly riveting story about a time that Mr. Lee, as a young teen, had attempted to woo one of his female classmates by jumping off the roof of their old church – a building, Grandpa Lee had explained, that had been long since condemned and taken back by the earth – Mark noticed for the first time. Johnny wasn’t part of their group.   
He had been surprised the night before, when Johnny had admitted that he was trying to get sober. It had been unexpected, but the sentiment made Mark happy. However, unlike last night when Johnny had gone to bed early instead of drink, tonight he’d been huddled in the corner Taeyong had dropped him in. Mark had been keeping an eye on him, because his condition had been steadily getting worse the entire day.   
At some point, he had lost track of the elder, and Johnny must have gotten up from his spot and wandered off. Mark thought of all the places that he could have gone. To bed, the restroom, to get something to drink, outside. Last he’d seen of Johnny, he didn’t think he’d get very far wherever he went. He seemed to have caught fever. Sweating heavily, his entire body was shaking. His eyes were unfocused, darting around like he was worried someone was going to attack at any moment.   
“Are you alright, Mark?” Jaena leaned over and asked, her frown mirroring his own.   
Mark hummed. “I just… did anyone see Johnny leave?”  
A few people shook their heads, confused expressions passing over each of their faces. Jaena shook her head. “I thought he’d gone straight to bed when we got here. He looked pretty sick.”  
Mark bit his lip. “I don’t think he’s in any kind of condition to be left alone right now.”  
“Why do you even care?” Lucas was frowning again.  
Mark shot him a glare. “Why do you have to be such an asshole?”  
A collective gasp circled the room and Lucas looked at Mark with a shocked expression, jaw hanging loose and already large eyes rounded in surprise.  
“You’re so determined to try and make me hate him!” Mark stood up, his voice raising. “But I don’t! I’m not going to! And that’s my decision. Mine. No one is going to make it for me. Not you. Not him. No one.”  
“Okay.” Lucas whispered out, eyes on his fingers suddenly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to upset you. I’m just…worried about you.”  
Mark knew that. His anger twisted into guilt and he ignored it to heave out a sigh. “Whatever. I’m going to go look for him.”  
He ignored the worried frowns that he got from his friends and disappeared out of the courtyard. He couldn’t shake the sense of worry inside of him and he could feel the panic rising, just like that day in Jonghoon’s house. He needed to find Johnny to calm the anxiety inside of him, and the realization of that alone sent waves of disgust and nausea through him. He knew, logically, that he shouldn’t be so concerned over someone who had hurt him so much. At some point, though, he had to admit to himself that he didn’t care what he should be feeling and instead focused on what he was feeling.  
And right now, he felt the overwhelming need to make sure that Johnny was alright. That he was still alive. Red spotted the edges of his vision as he pushed into the room Johnny shared with Taeyong. It was empty. He knocked on the bathroom door. It swung open to reveal a dark, empty room. Mark’s heart skipped angrily in his chest.   
He spun back around and searched through the rest of the rooms, only to find himself standing by the front of the house. Everyone’s shoes were lined up in a nice, neat row. All except one pair. Johnny had left the house. Mark cursed, slipping his own shoes quickly onto his feet and hoping that the sick man hadn’t gone too far.   
His voice swirled out of his mouth like smoke into the cold evening air as he called out the elder’s name. He searched everywhere close to the house that he could think Johnny might be, making a circle around the entire yard, checking out in the shed. He couldn’t find any sign of Johnny at all.  
Mark eyed the stairs, wondering if Johnny had gone down to the car for any reason. He peered down the staircase, but he couldn’t really see anything. So, with a worried frown and a heavy sigh, he started off down the steep staircase.   
“Johnny?” He called out breathlessly as he reached the bottom.   
He peered around the vehicles, checking the bushes and nearby trees. There was no response, but Mark wasn’t going to give up yet. Looking more closely, Mark found undeniable evidence that Johnny had come this way. Johnny’s phone laid on the ground next to a pile of fresh vomit. Mark picked the phone up and shoved it into his pocket.   
He looked back up towards the house, wondering if he should go back up and tell the others. No, he didn’t think he had the strength to climb back up that hill just to tell the others that Johnny was missing. Instead, he pulled out his own phone, typed off a quick text to DoYoung, and then started off down the road the way Johnny had gone.  
He felt like he’d walked for miles, but he hadn’t found anything or anyone yet. Had Johnny gotten picked up by a passing car, he wondered as he looked up at the darkening sky. He pulled his phone out of his pocket to check the time and frowned when he found that the device had gone dead. He shoved it back in his pocket and reached for Johnny’s phone.   
“Fuck.” Mark cursed upon finding it had run out of battery as well.   
The sun was starting to set as Mark trudged on. He had started to limp, the strain of walking so far pulling on his scarring. He had started to wonder if he should just go back when he saw something ahead of him. A wild dog, sniffing at something piled on the side of the road. Mark squinted, recognizing that pile as a body.   
“Hey!” He yelled at the dog, running forward to scare it away.   
It looked up, ears back, as Mark charged it, and then turned towards the bush and disappeared. Mark kept running until he reached the person, his heart in his throat as all the possibilities ran through his head. He felt like a bucket of ice had been dumped on him when he got to the person’s side and it was, indeed, Johnny.   
“No…” Mark muttered. “Johnny, Johnny, wake up.”  
The bucket of ice turned out to be the sky, dropping loose the torrent of icy rain and sleet, not quite cold enough for it to snow but not warm enough for rain. The icy mixture stung his exposed skin. Johnny wasn’t even wearing a jacket of any kind. One of his shoes was missing, his pants leg was torn, and vomit covered his chest and the ground around him.   
Mark checked for a pulse, holding his breath and sighing in relief when he found one, no matter how faint it was. He whined, pulling his coat off himself before sitting up the unconscious man and wrapping it on him as best he could. The cold beat against Mark’s exposed skin, but Johnny needed the warmth more than him right now.   
Looking around, Mark hoped to find some kind of help. Maybe a nearby house, or a car driving by. The sun was getting lower and the storm darkened the sky that much more. Mark could see nothing.   
“I cannot let you die out here.” Mark whispered to the unconscious body in his arms. “I will not let you die. Not you, too.”  
Mark wasn’t the strongest man, but there was adrenaline rushing through his veins when he hoisted Johnny’s limp body onto his back and steadied himself out. There was nothing else to do but start the journey back to the house and hope that he could find help or shelter along the way.   
He stumbled more than once, taking a fall into the muddy dirt road. He was covered, up to his knees, and his face, with cakey, dark mud. He shivered violently, but he just hoisted Johnny higher on his back and kept trudging on. Tears froze to his cheeks, mixed with mud, but he refused to give up. He was stubborn, had always been stubborn. That was part of what got him into this situation, he mused.   
He had been too stubborn to work things out with his parents, so he’d left the country. He’d been too stubborn to leave Jeno, and he’d gotten sucked deep into an abusive relationship. He’d been too stubborn to admit hid feelings to Johnny, and they’d gotten into misunderstandings. He’d been too stubborn to leave Johnny alone, and he’d gotten hurt. Now, he was too stubborn to let Johnny go, and they were going to die on the side of the road in the cold.   
Mark stumbled again, falling sideways into the muck. He slid down a short embankment, Johnny tumbling after, and hit something hard in the bush. Mark groaned, checking that Johnny was alright before he turned to see what it was that he’d hit. He squinted into the dark, his hands searching through the roughage and the vines until his fingers touched something distinctly wooden. Something man-made and carved.   
Mark scrambled to his feet, pulling at the vines in front of him until he saw an old, rusted handle. He stepped back and looked as the structure in the dark. It was taken over by the earth, old and forgotten by time and by man. He tried the handle and with a little force, the door swung open.   
Mark hoisted Johnny up again and carried him inside the building and out of the rain. It was an old church, Mark realized. There were holes in the roof where vines grew through, bringing with it a cold draft, but it was nothing like the cold outside. Benches covered in decaying cushioned fabric lined a path towards what used to be a stage.   
Mark carefully placed Johnny down on one of these benches, shivering as he checked him over again. His eyes twitched behind his lids and his chest rose slightly. Mark needed to get him warm. He needed to start a fire, but he didn’t have a lighter. He immediately searched through Johnny’s pockets, but found nothing.   
With another heavy sigh that lead into a violent cough, Mark looked around the building. There wasn’t much, just a few tables, some decaying hymnals, a candelabra behind the pulpit. Mark paused. If there were candles, there might have still been matches somewhere. He took it upon himself to start searching the abandoned building for any supplies that he could use.   
It took only about ten minutes to search the entire building, all three of its room. He found an old set of priest’s robes and changed out of his wet clothes immediately into the black pants and the white shirt. They were threadbare and worn, but had been kept safe from the elements in a chest tucked in the corner of what must have been the priest’s office. He also found a few old blankets, thin and riddled with holes. One of which smelled suspiciously like an animal had given birth on it. But something was better than nothing.   
It was in the tiny room that had once served as a restroom for the small congregation that Mark was struck with luck. In the drawer in a cabinet beside the sink, was a plastic bag with a box of matches. Mark rolled a blanket up and gave it to Johnny as a pillow, covering his body with the rest of them. Then he set about clearing a space in the middle of the room so that he could safely start a fire.   
He used chunks of old wood from the rotting furniture and some fabric from an old curtain and some leaves to get a fire going. He pulled the bench Johnny was on as close as he could get it and curled up on the floor beside him.   
It didn’t take long for the inside of the building to get warm enough, despite the holes and the draft of the old building. Mark spread his clothes out to dry. He’d eventually decided it would be best to get Johnny out of his ice-soaked clothes as well, and so those were lined out to dry as well. Johnny was wrapped in the priest’s coat and the dry blankets.   
Once he was dry and warm, it didn’t take long for him to begin to stir. The first thing he did was roll over the edge of the bench and hurl the remaining contents of his stomach into the old bucket Mark had found to put there. When his stomach was empty, a violent shiver shook his body and he pulled the blankets around him.   
“Wh’s goin on?” He slurred, heavy eyes searching around his unfamiliar surroundings.   
“You got sick and you got lost.” Mark answered. “You were unconscious when I found you. It’s dark and it started to rain, so I found us some shelter.”  
“Oh.” Johnny breathed out. “I don’t feel so good.”  
“I wouldn’t expect you to.” Mark frowned. “You’ve probably caught the flu.”  
Johnny groaned. “No. No … I feel.” He waved his hands around vaguely.   
Mark sighed, back leaning against the bench as he stared into the fire. “When was the last time you shot up?”  
There was silence. As much silence as there could be with a storm raging outside their decrepit shelter. Mark watched out of the corner of his eyes as Johnny’s legs swung around and his bare feet hit the wooden floor next to Mark. Johnny’s weight shifted forward, like he was leaning towards the fire.   
He didn’t think there was going to be a response, until finally Johnny’s voice spoke. “How long have you known?”  
“About the heroine use?” Mark shifted a brow up curiously, taking in Johnny’s expression. He looked like he’d rather be dead, but he nodded and Mark continued. “Since that night I came to talk to you. The night you… That night. I saw the marks on your arm. I knew then that Lucas had been right.”


	67. 67 - Talking about not having much time to write, and still here's another chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mark and Johnny are stuck in an abandoned church during a snow storm.
> 
> I guess this is as good a place as any to face their demons. 
> 
> Let's just hope they come out of the fire unscathed.

A silence filled the small church, broken only by the howling of the storm outside and the crackle of the fire at their feet. Johnny wrapped the blankets around him tightly, shivering. Mark watched from the corner of his eye as he added more wood to the fire.

“We’re probably going to be trapped here all night.” Mark told him.

Johnny hummed. “Where are we? I don’t even…”

Mark looked at him when he paused. He was paler than before, his throat twitching like he was trying to hold down the contents of his stomach. Mark looked away when Johnny couldn’t hold it back any longer and turned to hurl into the bucket again.

When he was finished, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and took a deep breath. The expression he gave Mark was filled with shame. “Sorry. I don’t even remember how I got here.”

Mark shuffled forward, reaching up with a torn bit of fabric he’d found to wipe the sweat from Johnny’s face. He frowned when the elder flinched away from him. Johnny didn’t have the right to fear Mark, not after everything that had happened. Mark quickly shook that through from his head.

“I found your phone near a pool of vomit by the cars.” He told Johnny.

Johnny glanced at him. “You were looking for me?”

Mark shrugged, looking away.

Johnny hesitated before asking again. “Was anyone else looking for me?”

Mark bit his lip. He’d been the only one who had seemed worried about Johnny. He hadn’t told anyone that he was going out, or where he was going, or which direction he would be walking in.   
All he’d done was send a text saying he found Johnny’s phone on the ground and was going to search for him.

“They know that we’re out here.” Mark didn’t sound nearly as confident as he’d hoped. “They’ll find us.”

Johnny looked at him carefully for a while. “You came out here looking for me on your own.”

Mark pulled his knees up to his chest and extended his hands towards the fire.

“Why?” Johnny asked. “Why would you do that? For me?”

“Why shouldn’t I?” Mark’s voice rose above the screaming of the storm. “If I wouldn’t have come after you, we’d be finding your body dead and frozen on the side of the road come morning.”

“I know.” Johnny hung his head. “If it weren’t for you, I’d be dead. But still, you didn’t have to come.”

“Do you want to be dead?” Mark hissed. “Do you really want to do that to the others? To DoYoung and Ten, after they’ve had to bury their father? After we thought we were going to bury Yuta, too?!”

Johnny opened his mouth to respond, but instead a violent wave of shakes took over his entire body. Mark jumped up, helping the older man to lay down on the bench. Johnny whimpered, eyes closed tight in pain as the cramps and the fever took him over.

The conversation ended there for a while. Johnny was in no state to keep talking for hours after that. Mark stayed by his side, taking care of him, until his trembles ceased and he once more succumbed to the dark of unconsciousness.

Mark wasn’t sure how long the elder was unconscious for this time. He had no clock, and the sky outside was impossible to see through the thicket of overgrowth that hid the building. It seemed like enough snow had fallen now that the door wouldn’t even push open.

Mark felt afraid, and for the first time in a while, he felt like that was the right thing to feel. Unlike his panic attacks that had become so common. That fear, knowing that there was no reason to be afraid and still being in a state of blind panic, it made him angry. That anger would in turn only make the panic worse.

Mark tried to keep himself busy. He couldn’t risk falling asleep, not with Johnny in the state that he was in. If the fire went out, they would both freeze to death. If Johnny vomited while he was still unconscious, he could choke on himself and die. So, Mark did his best to keep busy.

He kept the fire stoked, searched the building over again for more materials that he could burn. He made a pile close to the fire of all the things he’d found. A chair that he’d broken apart, sticks and twigs that littered the floor, some of the pages of the molded hymnals littered around the building. He took their damp clothes and held the pieces over the fire to try and help dry them. He knew that Johnny needed to get his layers back on soon, before he really did catch the flu to go along with his withdrawals.

Johnny came round again not long after the fourth time Mark checks his temperature. He was checking that Johnny’s clothes had dried near the fire when he heard the cough and the retching. He flinched from the sound, thankful that he wasn’t the type to throw up sympathetically. He usually had a pretty high constitution.

“Mark?” Johnny’s hoarse voice called out his name.

Mark dropped to his knees beside Johnny, holding a container of water up to his dry lips. “It’s rainwater in a candle holder. It’s all we’ve got, but you’ve got to stay hydrated.”

Johnny’s glazed eyes bored into him for a moment before he lips parted and the bitter, icy slush spilled into his mouth. He coughed, took another sip, then coughed again. Mark was patient with him, waiting until he was able to keep drinking. When he was finished, he sat the cup down and helped Johnny sit back up again.

“Your clothes have dried. You’ll be warmer if you put them back on.” He told the elder.

“You took my clothes off?” Johnny looked down at himself, as if it were the first time he noticed that what he was wearing wasn’t his clothes.

“We were both soaking wet.” Mark answered turning around the fetch Johnny’s clothes. They were still warm from the fire. “We could have both caught pneumonia like that.”

“Oh.” Johnny took the fabric from Mark and held it in his hands. “I forget you’re a doctor.”

“Studying to be a doctor.” Mark responded.

Johnny chuckled. “Um.. should I… change right here, or?”

Mark couldn’t hide the blush that brightened his cheeks. “I can… turn around.”

Johnny licked his lips nervously and nodded, muttering his thanks. Mark spun on his heel and looked into the fire, warming himself by it as his ears attuned to the shuffling sounds of Johnny unwrapping the blankets and the priest’s cloak that Mark had dressed him in.

His mind recalled a time when he would have happily teased Johnny for wearing such a thing, reminded him of that trip to the costume store when he’d tried on the fake version of this same outfit, brought up a time when Mark would have felt butterflies of excitement in his stomach at the idea of Johnny being naked and so near. There were no butterflies in his stomach, just the low level of nausea that came with the spike of fear inside of him. He pushed the thought away, knowing that Johnny was in no state to hurt him. He was so weak that even if he tried, Mark could overpower him.

“You can turn around now.” Mark forced down the tremble of fear when he heard Johnny speak, flexing his fingers nervously as he spun around.

Johnny was dressed once more in his clothes, wrinkled and muddy, but still warm from the heat of the fire. He looked down at his feet and wiggled his toes. “I’m missing a shoe.”

Mark shrugged. “You only had one when I found you. I think the dog that was sniffing at you when I found you might have taken it.”

“Dog?” Johnny’s eyes widened. “Was it trying to eat me!?”

Mark couldn’t help but laugh and shrug. “Who could say?”

There was another moment of silence between them before Johnny spoke. “Do you also need to get changed?”

Mark licked his lips, swallowing nervously. “My clothes are dry as well.”

“You’re not comfortable changing with me here.” Johnny stated, looking down at his hands. “I can go into one of the other rooms.”

“No.” Mark shook his head. “You shouldn’t be getting up.”

“I’m not going to hurt you.” Johnny responded. “Not ever again, I swear it.”

Mark didn’t say anything. He could see the sincerity in Johnny’s eyes, hear it in his voice, but he still couldn’t bring himself to believe it. After a long moment, he let out a heavy sigh.

“I just don’t think I can trust you.” Mark said. “I don’t know if I ever will again, if that’s even possible. If it is, it will be a very, very long time from now.”

Johnny nodded, dropping his head. “I understand. But I’ll prove it to you, if you’ll let me. I just want you to be okay.”

“Then you shouldn’t have raped me.” Mark spit the words with vemon before he even realized they were out of his mouth.

Johnny flinched. “You’re right.”

Mark huffed, grabbing his clothes from where they were at. “I’m going to go into the bathroom and change. Stay here.”

“Of course.” Johnny nodded.

Mark rushed into the small bathroom before he had a chance to process anything that he was feeling. He shut the door and dragged a chair in front of it before he disrobed of the old priest’s garb. He wasted no time in shrugging his sweater and jeans back on, brushing the dust and gross off his feet before shoving his socks back on.

When he was dressed, clothes still toasty from sitting in front of the fire, he allowed himself to breathe. His heart was beating in his throat with emotions that he couldn’t name. Anger, fear, sadness, a swirling mass of overwhelming emotions engulfed him and he felt his body begin to tremble. He couldn’t do this now. This was not the time for a breakdown, he reminded himself.

There was someone waiting outside that door who needed him. Right now he did not have the luxury of an emotional breakdown. He had a sick patient on the other side of that door who was relying on him. Mark looked at his reflection in the broken shards of the mirror that remained half clinging to the wall. His face was pale, dark hair a short fuzz against his skull. Dark eyebags clung to his skin above bloodshot eyes. He didn’t have any clue how long it had been since he’d slept, or even what time it was now.

Steeling himself, he took a deep breath and pushed the door open, walking back into the main room. Johnny, unremarkably, was still sat in the exact same spot he’d been when Mark left. He had one of the blankets wrapped around himself and his socked feet extended towards the fire.

He looked up when Mark approached. “Have you had anything to drink?”

Mark nodded, taking his spot back on the floor with the fire between the two of them.

Johnny rubbed at his face, groaning. “I feel like I’m going to die.”

Mark watched him silently, not sure what to say to that.

“I’m scared.” Johnny didn’t give Mark time to formulate a response. “I don’t know how long I’ll be coherent this time.”

“Hopefully the storm ends soon.” Mark muttered. “We may be able to make it back to the house when it get light outside.”

“That’s if we can even get out of here.” Johnny frowned. “We’re probably snowed in. We might as well wait for the others to come find us. I’m sure they’re searching.”

Mark’s lips pressed together tightly. “I don’t know if they’ll find us.”

“Why not?” Johnny’s voice hitched with panic.

“I think I know where we are.” Mark looked around at the building. “This is the old church Grandpa lee told us about in his stories.” He looked at Johnny pointedly. “The abandoned church.”

“You don’t think they’ll think to look for us here?” Johnny asked.

Mark shook his head. “I only found this place because I tripped and rolled down the slope into it.”

“Oh.” Johnny made a heavy display of picking at his fingers. “Can I ask something else?”

“What is it?” Mark asked.

Johnny looked up at him with a soft smile on his face. “Where did you get the priest’s outfit?”

Mark couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped his lips, the roll of his eyes. “We’re in a church.”

“Hey, Mark?” Johnny spoke again. “Thank you, for taking care of me. I’d be dead if it weren’t for you.”

“It was the right thing to do.” Mark tried to smile, but he wasn’t sure that it came out on his face properly.

Johnny just looked away from him, watching the flames as they swirled into the air. There was another silence in the room between them. Mark leaned against one of the benches, trying to force his eyes to stay open. Johnny wrapped himself in the blanket, moving closer to the fire. He looked a little better than before, but he was still shaking and pale, throwing up into the bucket every now and then.

It seemed like hours had passed that way, Mark occasionally stoking the fire or refilling the candleholder with the icy sludge like raid that dripped from the holes in the roof for them to drink. Neither spoke. Mark may have dozed off a few times, only to jerk himself back awake and stand up to do something for a moment. Johnny eventually passed back into sleep for a while.

Mark didn’t know how long they’d been there, how many times he’d fallen asleep and jerked awake, when he heard Johnny’s voice again.

“I want to quit.” His whisper was raspy.

There were tears in his eyes when Mark looked up at him, rubbing the sleep from his own. “What?”

“The drugs.” Johnny sighed, arms wrapped around himself. His focus was on the fire in front of him. “I want to quit. I need to quit.”

“Why now?” Mark heard himself asking, moving closer to the fire.

Johnny’s eyes looked past the fire and found Mark. “My life never meant anything to me. Not until I met you.”

“Me?” Mark blinked, confused.

Johnny nodded. “I never meant to lie to you.”

“I never wanted to lie to you, either.” Mark admitted, not knowing what else to say.

“I never cared when people thought of me before.” Johnny admitted. “But you looked at me like… like I meant something. I was ashamed, because I wasn’t who you thought I was. I wasn’t what you wanted me to be. But I wanted to be. I didn’t want to disappoint you.”

“Because you did mean something.” Mark’s heart ached as he said the words. “I don’t know what you thought I wanted from you, what you think I wanted you to be. All I ever wanted was for you to feel the same way as I did. Johnny, if you don’t want to disappoint me, then why don’t you just start by telling me the truth?”


	68. 68 - I'm finally back from hiatus Yall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanna thank everyone that's still waiting and still reading this story for being here.
> 
> And everyone who commented well wishes through my situation
> 
> I'm sorry it took so long to get back at it, but as I was thinking things through, I was inspired with a new direction for the ending of this story and it took a while to sort things out with that and I wanted that done before I began posting again. So thank you all for your patience and support. 
> 
> Also, a few of my irl friends are trying to encourage me to start a reaction channel on youtube. They seem to think people would find my reactions to some videos hilarious. I'm curious. Are there any of you out there who would watch those types of videos if I made them? XD

“We met when I was seventeen. Her name was Jessica Jung.” Johnny rocked dangerously as he spoke, picking at his fingers. “She was from San Francisco. Her parents had moved back to South Korea and she ended up in the same school with me.”

He paused to watch as Mark put another log on the fire. It crackled and snapped, the orange flames licking at the fresh wood. The smoke rose in wispy tendrils towards the ceiling, pooling against the vine-ridden planks of the roof as it searched for any sort of escape. Johnny wished for the same type of escape, from both this conversation and the buzzing agony inside of his veins.

“She was beautiful. A rebel without a cause.” He gave a bitter chuckle. “I was just a naïve rich kid looking for somewhere to spend daddy’s money.”

Johnny paused as he spoke to wretch into the bucket. Nothing was coming up at this point, his stomach had been emptied for far too long of anything other than water. When the dry heaves subsided, he rubbed at his throat. It burned and ached like all the rest of him.

He muttered out a quick thanks when Mark suddenly appeared at his feet, pressing the brass of the candleholder to his lips. It tasted strongly of pennies, the bitter cold sting that reminded Johnny of putting the tiny bits of money in his mouth as a child, curious to explore the world and all of its vast curiosities. He thinks, now, that he had explored plenty enough for his lifetime.

“Tell me about her.” Mark’s voice was soft and calm and soothing in a way that made Johnny’s heart beat faster and his fingers go numb and his stomach plummet to his feet with the twist of guilt that encompassed all of him in every waking minute of every sober day.

“Like I said. I was rich and naive.” Johnny leaned back against the bench closing his eyes as he focused on the cool air hitting his feverish skin. “She was beautiful and dangerous. Everything was great, at first. She made me feel special, confident, cool. All the things that I hadn’t felt since I moved to this country. When you’re that young, it feels hard to fit in when you’re a foreigner amongst your own people. I felt like an alien, like everyone was always looking at me differently because my Korean wasn’t perfect or because I did things a little differently.”

“I understand.” Mark hadn’t bothered to situate himself back on the other side of the fire that he’d been using like a shield since Johnny had woken.

He would have to count that one as a win. He sighed and continued. “When I was with her, she made me feel like I was normal again. At least, I thought that was what was happening. I followed her around like a love-sick puppy. I gave her any and everything she could have ever asked for. We went to Dubai for our two-year anniversary. I gave her diamonds and gold and bags and shoes worth more than your house. I was constantly trying to out-do myself to impress her, to keep her eyes on me, to make her love me.”

“That doesn’t sound very healthy.” Mark wasn’t looking at him, having made himself comfortable on the floor by Johnny’s feet. He was playing with the frayed edges of his pants, obviously drawing the comparisons between his own past relationship with Jeno. Even disoriented and sick, Johnny recognized the familiar expression Mark’s face held when he thought of the other man. Johnny couldn’t help but wonder if Jeno was actually a better man than he was after all.

“It wasn’t.” He admitted with a small chuckle. “If I’m honest, I think it’s what drew me to you so much in the beginning. When I found out about… The stories you would tell about him, the things you would say. It reminded me so much of the way she would treat me, the manipulative things she would say. Watching you talk about him was like staring straight back in time at myself. That’s why I worried so much about you, even if I wouldn’t admit it.”

“She was abusive?” Mark asked.

Johnny shrugged. “I don’t have enough pride left to deny it. The manipulative behavior turned controlling, turned into anger and insults. Turned into busted ribs and split lips and who would believe that a hundred and twenty pounds of fluttering lashes and pouty lips could do something like that. Into my word against hers. I was too ashamed to say anything anyways, so I just bit my lip and waited for her to stop and let me leave.”

“There’s nothing to be ashamed of.” Mark muttered “Nearly a quarter of all abuse reported is by male victims. You’re not alone.”

“It felt like I was.” Johnny responded, pulling his knees to his chest and ignoring the twisting agony in his stomach. “It didn’t feel that way to you?”

Mark jumped a little at the question, probably surprised to have the attention turned onto him. Johnny gave him an apologetic smile and ducked his head while Mark seemed to be thinking about a genuine answer to his question.

“I think it might have been lonely.” Mark responded after a while. “But I don’t think that I would have noticed it, if it weren’t for you.”

“Me?” Johnny’s eyes widened.

Mark looked away from him. “I mean, until you came along and got under my skin and made me start to actually question my relationship, I never would have realized the way he treated me wasn’t normal. He kept me in the house, never let me have friends or go out with anyone. Things had to be a particular way or he would go off the rails. I just always waved it off with some half assed excuse and kept going.”

At this point Mark stopped speaking and stared into the fire with a furrowed brow, as if he were thinking extremely hard about something. Johnny was silent and let him contemplate, despite the buzz of anxiety beneath his skin. It was strange, the way that every nerve in his body seemed to be on fire yet simultaneously, everything seemed to be slowed down and dull in the world.

“It’s strange.” Mark spoke again, poking the cover of one of the hymnals into the flames. When it caught fire, he dropped the thing onto the wood. “There were so many red flags. I lost count of the number of times he’d forced me down and taken me, even when I begged him not to. How many times he went too far and I nursed the bruises afterwards. How many times I’d just lay there and let him hurt me like that just because it was easier than fighting.”

“But you forgave him.” Johnny felt the flicker of hope inside of him. “Why?”

Mark stared into the fire. “Because hating someone and holding a grudge won’t hurt anyone but myself. I didn’t forgive him for him. I did it for me. Because I don’t want to live the rest of my life with that shadow looming over me. It turned out well that he got help for himself in the end, though.”

“Do you think you could ever forgive me?” Johnny asked.

He avoided Mark’s gaze as the younger spoke, each word a knife dug into Johnny already chilled and broken heart. “I want to. Maybe one day. Not right now, maybe not soon. But maybe.”

It was enough for Johnny. “Jessica was the reason I started doing drugs. She had a friend that sold them. She convinced me that it would be fun. Having sex while high would be one of the best things I’d ever felt.” He paused for another bitter laugh. “I should have wondered more then about how she knew that, but before I knew it, I wasn’t just hooked, I was helping them deal it out. I think Taeyong knew. Customers would come into the coffee shop to pick up their drugs from me.”

Johnny stopped speaking and let the silence linger between them. Mark was leaning back against the bench, his eyes half closed as he fought sleep. Johnny didn’t know how many times, or for how long he’d been unconscious, sleeping, while Mark forced himself awake to keep them – to keep him – alive.

“I wouldn’t be alive right now, if it weren’t for you.” Johnny admitted. Mark’s tired eyes shifted towards him, clear in their confusion. “You gave me hope, made me want to be better. You gave me a reason to fight everything that I used to be and learn to be me again, the me that I lost to her. Only…”

Mark hummed for him to continue when he trailed off.

“It’s been so long since I’ve been me that I didn’t know who I really was.” Johnny admitted. “Navigating that was terrifying. I’m not like you. I wasn’t strong enough to keep going, so I turned back to the things that I used to know.”

“You started doing drugs again.” It was a statement, not a question but the next thing he said was. “What made you stop at first? You said you’d only been broken up with her a few weeks when we first met.”

Johnny had to pause before he answered this question, the one that caused him the most anxiety. He closed his eyes for a moment to gather the courage to speak. When he opened them again,   
Mark was adding another log to the fire and he felt heavier than he did when he closed them.

“Did I…fall asleep?” His voice was rough when he spoke.

Mark jumped at the sudden sound. Johnny apologized quickly.

“That’s probably the third time you’ve fallen off during this conversation.” Mark responded. “Your fever is really high, most of the drugs should be out of your system, so your body is in full protest. Is this the first time you’ve noticed?”

Johnny cleared his throat. “Yes. Um. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Mark shrugged. “It’s part of the detoxing process, and probably the flu. Now, you were about to tell me what happened?”

“Oh, yes.” Johnny pulled himself up to sit, groaning when his head spun like a top.

“You’re hesitant to tell me.” Mark noticed.

Johnny looked down at his hands. His fingernails were bloody and swollen, picked dry because of his nerves. “It’s the part that I’m the least proud of. The part I was most scared to tell you.”

“I won’t think any less of you.” Mark reassured him. Johnny wondered how he would even be able to, after everything, even be able to think of Johnny more negatively that he currently should.

Still, he breathed deep and continued his story. “There was an incident. The police showed up. They found a lot of drugs. Jessica and her drug dealer friend were among the group that were there. They both claimed that all the drugs were mine. Stupidly, I agreed to take the fall. I got a year in prison. I thought I had done the right thing. I thought that when I got out, I would go back to my house that we practically shared and she would run into my arms and tell me how wonderful I was for protecting her. I should have known. She never even visited me once.”

“What happened?” Mark had turned so that his back faced the fire, giving him an uninterrupted view of the storyteller. He was looking at Johnny like his story would give him all the answers and Johnny’s stomach sank with the knowledge that it wouldn’t. This story would only bring pity and pain.

“I went back to my house as soon as I was released from prison. She was there. Naked. In my bed with her drug dealer friend.” Johnny frowned.

“I’m sorry.” Mark was frowning now, the empathy on his face genuine. It brought back the waves of guilt inside of him once more. He heaved into the bucket, only clear bile splattering into it.

Tears stung at his eyes and he whimpered, his head pounding and throbbing in agony. The copper was bitter and the taste of the slush water wasn’t much better. It came up not too long after he drank it.

Mark’s hand on his forehead was like fire and ice, burning and freezing and twisting inside of him, digging into his skin and boring into his veins. He barely registered Mark helping him lay back down. The sudden, barely-there warmth of layers of shabby makeshift blankets. Johnny could feel himself slipping back into the dark abyss of unconsciousness.

“Mark?” He choked out a sob, reaching out for the man’s hand. He didn’t want to think about the repercussions of his actions. He just needed to feel Mark’s skin against his own once more.

“What is it?” He heard the younger’s words as if they were through water.

His consciousness was slipping away from him more quickly than he wanted and he barely garbled out the last of his words before the darkness took him away again.

“If I recover, will you take me back again?” Mark thought those were the words, however broken and slurred that they were, that came out of Johnny’s mouth moments before he succumbed to the darkness once more.

Mark dropped back onto the floor, resting his head on his knees. This wasn’t where he wanted to be, what he wanted to be doing. How he planned to spend these days. His eyes were burning and he didn’t know how long he felt like he could keep himself awake.

His mind was wrapping itself around the story that he had just heard. The past of Johnny’s that he had never been privy to. He wondered, if Johnny had kept this much of his past a secret, how much of their past together was a lie? Which Johnny was the real one? The kind, caring Johnny who would take him out just to show him how he deserved to be treated, or the furious, broken man who laid in front of him now.

As he felt himself drift off into the darkness, he was sure the stirrings in his heart were something akin to pity.


	69. 69 - I pulled an all nighter, finished an entire drama in one day, and wrote four chapters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall I had things planned for this story and then I started writing and some of the characters just decided that we weren't about to play that game XD
> 
> It's still gonna do what I wanted it to do just... in a different kind of way XD

When Mark woke up, he was unusually warm. Sweat dripped down his face, between his elbows and behind his knees. Cringing, first at the all-encompassing heat, then at the sticky sheen across his body, he pushed to sit up. He could not move. There was a weight, he realized, pressing down against him. It was hot and heavy and suffocating in its warmth.

Blankets, nearly six of them, piled atop his body in a soft bed in a dimly lit room. He blinked the sleep from his eyes and glanced around the room. This was obviously the Lee’s house, a picture of Grandma and Grandpa Lee hung, framed, on one of the walls. It was not the room that he was sharing with Wonshik, though. This room had proper beds instead of pallets and a heater in one corner that had been plugged in and put on full blast.

Another bed stood across from his own, barely enough distance separating them. If Mark could have worked his hand out from beneath the mountain of blankets, he could easily have reached out and touched the person in the other bed. It was, of course, Johnny. In the dim light of the room, Mark could see his eyes were still closed, despite the twitching of his body and the pain etched into his features.

“H..Hello?” His voice was scratchy, his throat sore with the memory of slush and water.

“Mark?” Haechan’s voice made Mark turn his head to the other side of the room.

The younger man was sitting, curled up in a comfortable rocking chair. He seemed to have been reading a book by the light of a small lamp. He put a bookmark in the page and sat it down on the table. As soon as he realized that Mark was awake, he rushed to his side, damp cloth at his forehead.

“You’re awake. How are you feeling?” He bit his lip nervously as he looked down at Mark.

“Hot.” He muttered, glancing down at all the blankets.

Haechan immediately began to start peeling layers of blanket off his body. “We had to get you warmed up. You were… we found you…” Tears welled up in the boy’s eyes. Despite the sweat that glistened from Mark’s damp clothes, Haechan threw himself into Mark’s arms and clung to him. “I thought you were both dead, Hyung!”

“I’m fine.” Mark cooed, petting the boy’s hair. His hand felt like it weighed a thousand pounds when he lifted it. “How did you find us?”

Haechan sniffled, scooting away from Mark so that he could look at him properly. “I don’t know. I wasn’t the one that found you.”

“Who found us?” Mark asked.

“Jaena, Wonshik Hyung, and Grandpa Lee.” He answered. “We got a call that they had found you in an abandoned building, but they couldn’t get you out. We all came and dug out the snow until we could get inside. You were… you were blue, Hyung. Johnny Hyung wasn’t breathing and you were turning blue and… and…”

“And it’s alright.” Mark soothed the younger as his sobs began to take over. Mark tipped his head until Haechan was looking at him and he smiled. “I’m alright. Johnny’s breathing, I can see him breathing. Everything is going to be alright.”

Haechan nodded, sniffling as he wiped his eyes. Mark didn’t know how much of that was the truth, though. He felt too horrible to assess himself, and he had no idea what condition Johnny was in.

“Where are the others?” Mark asked.

“Probably sleeping.” Haechan stood up of Mark’s bed. He walked to the window and pulled back the curtain, no light came through. “It’s probably about midnight. You’ve both been asleep for nearly two days.”

“Why didn’t you take us to a hospital?” He frowned, pain piercing through his head.

“We wanted to.” Haechan responded. “But the roads are all iced over. It’s too dangerous to drive and the nearest hospital is two hours away. Grandma Lee used to be a nurse, though. And she’s taken very good care of you both.”

Mark wiped once more at the sweat on his neck. “It’s so hot in here. I need to cool down, and I need a bath. And something to eat.”

Haechan nodded, spinning towards the door. “I’ll go get Grandma Lee.”

About ten minutes later, Mark was sitting on a stool in the bathroom while Lucas ran some water into the bath basin. The cool air in the rest of the house burned at his lungs, causing coughing fits when he tried to speak.

“I’m glad you’re alright.” Lucas broke the silence, glancing back at Mark. “When we realized you were actually gone, everyone panicked.”

Mark hummed, picking at a speck of mud crusted to his arm.

“What were you even doing all the way out there?” Lucas frowned, the sound of the water stopped when he turned around.

“I was looking for Johnny.” Mark didn’t miss the way Lucas frowned when he said the older man’s name. “He was unconscious on the side of the road. Wild dogs were sniffing at him. I tried… I tried to carry him back, but the storm was too much.”

“So, you took shelter in that old building?” Lucas clarified.

Mark nodded. Lucas turned around and waited for Mark to strip out of his clothes, the same messy scraps he’d worn into the storm, and climb into the water. The bath was warm, but not unbearable. It relaxed his muscles, but stung against the healing stitches on his thigh.

Lucas took up post on the stool Mark had been sitting on, curling his long legs out in front of him to lean back against the wall. He crossed his arms over his chest and watched the wall instead of the bathing man nearby.

“Grandma Lee had to reinforce some of your stitches.” Lucas must have heard Mark’s painful hiss. “You tore a few open again when you were…” Lucas stopped and turned to look at Mark with a hard stare. “Why would you risk so much for him? You could have died.”

“He could have died.” Mark answered. 

Lucas rolled his eyes. “What he does when he wanders off on a bender is his own responsibility.”

“That’s buillshit, Lucas.” Mark turned a hard glare on the younger man. Lucas’s eyes went wide, as if he hadn’t expected Mark to argue. Mark just continued to frown at him. “I can’t even begin to explain to you why you’re wrong.”

“He hurt you.” Lucas fought back, voice low but hard. “He beat you, he raped you, he nearly killed you. Yet you would still risk your life for his!”

“Is his life worth less than mine just because he made a mistake?” Mark frowned. “I’m going to be a doctor someday, Lucas. Helping people is who I am.”

“You should hate him.” Lucas tried.

Mark sighed. “You can’t imagine how much I wish I did.”

“What?” Lucas’s voice wavered. Mark wondered if it was because he could see the tears glistening at the edges of his eyes. Mark wiped them away.

“It wasn’t the first time I’d been treated that way.” Mark spoke, his words halted and slow as he chose exactly the right ones. “Maybe that’s why it didn’t hurt me as much as everyone keeps telling me it should. I don’t know. I know how I feel about what happened, and I know what everyone keeps telling me I should feel about it. And the part of this whole thing that hurts the most…”

Mark stopped speaking as a sob shook his body. Lucas had shifted upright, hands outstretched towards Mark like he wanted to take him and comfort him, but suspended as if he didn’t know exactly how to do that. Mark pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around himself, burying his face in the little space between his legs and his chest that he’d made for himself.

He stayed like that until he felt his words return, then looked up at Lucas. “I keep being told how I’m supposed to feel, how I should react. People, you, keep getting so upset with me because I’m not acting the way you think that I should, or feel the way that you think I’m supposed to. I just… The hardest part about what happened isn’t that it happened; it’s being made to feel like my response to what happened is wrong. Like my feelings, my thoughts, aren’t valid just because someone else things I should feel differently.”

“Mark…” Lucas’s voice disturbed the silence that perforated the air after Mark’s confession. He chewed his lip and his voice wavered. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel that way.”

“I know.” Mark sighed. “You’re just worried about me.”

“Yeah.” Lucas nodded. “I just… I can’t believe he would do something like that, and you’d be okay with it.”

“I’m not okay with it.” Mark snapped. “I’m not okay with anything that happened.”

“I don’t understand.” Lucas frowned.

Mark pinched the bridge of his nose for a moment. “Do you remember when you told me about your mom?” Lucas nodded. “You remember all of the things that she did to you? You remember every negative thing she ever did, how many times you were left alone and homeless? Yet, you still tried to save her. You still loved her.”

“That’s different…” Lucas muttered.

“How?” Mark asked, frown on his face. “How is that any different? Any other person in the world would say that what she did to you was child abuse, but you still loved her.”

“She was my family!” Lucas’s voice rose for the first time. “She was my mother, and she was sick.”

“So is he.” Mark answered.

Lucas stood up, clearly shaken from the turn their conversation had taken. “I’m going to go check on food.”

Lucas turned to leave the bathroom, but Mark’s voice stopped him once more. “I didn’t find him with a needle in his arm, you know.”

Lucas paused, hand on the doorknob. “So?”

“So, he wants to get better.” Mark responded. “And I think you should give him a chance to do that. I think we all should.”

“He doesn’t deserve to be forgiven.” Lucas spat.

Mark sighed. “He deserves a chance.”

“A chance to what?” Lucas turned back around to face Mark. “Do you think he’ll just change and never be violent again? Get clean? What if he doesn’t” What if you’re wrong? What if he hurts you again?”

“If I forgive him, that is my choice to make.” Mark spoke after a moment of contemplation. “If I trust him, that is also my choice to make. And it’s his choice whether or not he wants to prove me wrong.”

“And if he does?” Lucas asked. “If he does, what then?”

Mark thought for a long moment. “I let a man that I believed was in love with me hurt me for years, forgiving him each and every time. I won’t make that same mistake again.”

“You have more heart than I ever would.” Lucas answered, shaking his head. “But I still think you’re making a mistake.”

“I’m well aware of what you think.” Mark responded. “I just think that if someone is willing to make amends, really, really works to fix themselves and make things better, they at least deserve a second chance.”

“Some things shouldn’t be forgiven.” He could tell by the tone of Lucas’s voice that he was drawing weary with the argument.

“People are not the sum of their actions.” Mark answered.

“If you say so.” Lucas ran a tired hand through his hair. “I’m going to go check on the food. You finish up in here.”

“Alright then.”

Lucas disappeared out the door, leaving Mark in the bathroom alone. The silence felt strange after so many hours of the wind howling through the storm. His skin still had a greying tint to it, but the tan was slowly returning as he massaged his arms and legs in the warmth of the water.

The water didn’t take long to become murky, tinged brown with the mixture of dust and dried blood the soap washed off his skin. He checked the stitches Grandma Lee had put in his leg. They were very well done, with all the skill of a professional. The injury had only reopened a small amount. He would make an appointment with the doctor first thing when he got back to Seoul, just in case, but he figured it would hold up just fine the way it was.

He scrubbed until he was clean and wasted no time in emptying the water, drying with the fluffy towel Lucas had left him, and changing into his fresh clothes Haechan had brought from his bag. He pulled some warm fluffy socks on his feet, courtesy of Grandpa Lee, and pattered out of the bathroom and towards the dining area.

When he peered in, the room was full of tired faces. DoYoung and Ten were helping their mother and grandmother to set the table. Jaena, Haechan, and Wonshik were helping to bring out plates of the most delicious smelling foods. The others sat around the table yawning, questioning why they all needed to be awake at four in the morning.

The room went hush when Mark walked in as a collective breath was held. Mark’s eyes flickered to Lucas, who tried to give him a reassuring smile.

“Good morning, everybody.” Mark blurted, chuckling nervously.

It seemed to do the trick, as in the next moment everyone was crawling over themselves to hug him. He took it in stride to let each of them wrap their arms around him and squeeze him. He accepted a friendly handshake from Wonshik, who made a rushed statement about how he’s relieved that Mark is alright.

It was Taeyong who hugged him last, pulling him to sit at the table next to him. “Mark, I’m so glad you guys are alright, but what the hell, man?”

“What?” Mark frowned, expecting the same conversation he’d just had with Lucas.

“Why were you guys out there?” Taeyong asked. “Why didn’t you call us? What happened?”

Mark took the glass of water Jaena slid his way with a smile, thankful for water that didn’t taste like ice and old wood and mildew. He recounted, again, the story of finding Johnny’s phone, setting off after him, the dogs, the storm, the church. When he finished, everyone was watching him silently.

“Is he going to be okay?” Haechan squeaked out.

Mark bit his lip. “He should be alright. He needs as much rest as he can get until he can see a doctor, get into rehab.”

“Why didn’t he say anything?” Jaena spoke up. “If he was so bad off, why would he just keep that to himself? We could have helped him sooner.”

“I was ashamed.” Mark whipped around towards the tired voice. Johnny stood in the doorway, pale and sweaty, chest heaving with the effort of keeping himself upright and breathing at the same time. “I couldn’t forgive myself. I didn’t deserve your help. Any of you.”

Johnny was looking at Mark when he spoke, even as Taeyong got up to help drag Johnny to a chair and sit him down.

“I don’t care what you deserve.” Jaena was frowning, eyes darting between Mark and Johnny like she was putting together the pieces of a puzzle. “What you’re going to get is clean, and then you’re going to get an ass whooping like you’ve never seen before.”

Johnny’s only response was a solemn nod, glazed over eyes on the table as someone held a cup of cool water to his lips.


	70. 70 - Are you ready for what happens next?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've run out of creativity on what to put in the notes. 
> 
> JohnMark is still end game, never fear.
> 
> Ya'll im tired AF

It took the group five days longer than expected to make it back to Seoul, having to wait for the roads to clear. Mark and Johnny had both been confined to beds. Taeyong and Wonshik being forced to share a room so that the two sick men could be isolated.

The first thing they did when they made it back to the city was to take Mark and Johnny to the hospital. Mark watched Johnny hobble through the double doors, supported by Taeyong, not knowing when the next time he would see the elder would be. He was, himself, accompanied by DoYoung as they waited for the nurse to call his name.

“What do you think is going to happen to him?” DoYoung asked, frown on his face as he looked towards the doors.

Mark let out a heavy breath. “He’s already gone through most of the stages of withdrawal, so there’s not much to do. Treat his flu, check him for anything else, and probably suggest he start going to a support group or a therapist or something so that he doesn’t start using again.”

“Do you think he’ll get better?” DoYoung asked.

Mark glanced at his friend. “I want to believe it, more than anything.”

DoYoung watched Mark thoughtfully for a long time. Eventually, whatever it was he was thinking of saying, he chose not to. He turned away with a heavy sigh and the silence continued between them until Mark was called into the back.

DoYoung didn’t go with him, for which he was thankful. The doctor checked all of his old wounds, finding that except the stitching he tore while carrying Johnny, the rest were healed. He complimented the stitching work done by Grandma Lee, and ran some other tests to check for infections and the like. In all, Mark probably only spent three hours in the hospital and left with three bottles of medicine. One for his flu symptoms, one to help with the fever, and one for an infection in his leg.

Returning back to the apartment for the first time would have been a lot more difficult if Mark wasn’t fighting a fever. He was just thankful to be able to lay back down. The last time he’d laid in this bed, he’d had Yuta with him, arms wrapped around the older man as his fingers carded through his hair, laughing quietly at something funny one of them had said. He tried not to think about that.

The bookstore opened up the next day, without three of its employees. Yuta, Mark had found out, had been taken to a facility that his parents wouldn’t name. Johnny was going to be out for a week while getting treatment. Mark wasn’t allowed back until he was over his flu. Doyoung had come back from his first shift with the news that Ten was taking Mark’s shifts and that Taeyong had returned to work. Yuta’s parents had sent someone, a relative from up north, to take care of Yuta’s work while he was in hospital. According to Doyoung, his name was Heechul, and he was very cute, but much older than all of them.

Mark didn’t get a chance to meet him for three days, until his fever broke. He hated every moment of being sick, of being stuck in that apartment alone with only his thoughts and memories. He jumped at his first chance to get back to work.

Heechul was a kind supervisor. He knew a lot about his job, and he looked like a bookshop owner. He had shoulder-length curly blonde hair and a bright smile and a pixie-like face that made him look younger than his thirty-six years of age. He wore oversized button ups and jeans with holes and always carried his things in a canvas messenger bag with a hole. He seemed a little like he kept his head in the clouds constantly, but he was surprisingly good at the job.

Mark liked him. He seemed quite fond of Mark, as well. Always telling him he was doing a good job, and complimenting his work, and ruffling his hair. Heechul constantly told Mark how much he reminded him of his little brother. The others had gotten used to Heechul’s behavior and only laughed when it happened.

Mark was finishing up the last of the returns towards the end of his shift when the door jingled. He looked up from the stool he sat at behind the register computer, scan gun hanging in his hand, and smiled widely when he recognized the man who walked in.

“Jonghoon!” Heechul looked up from the folder he’d been skimming through while leaning on the counter beside Mark when he called the elder’s name.

“Mark.” Jonghoon’s grin widened as he walked over, sparing a curious glance at the stranger.

“Jonghoon, this is Heechul Hyung.” Mark introduced them, scratching at the back of his neck. “He’s working here for a while in Yuta’s place.”

“I’m filling in for my cousin while he’s away sick.” Heechul responded.

Jonghoon’s smile turned more concerned. “I hope that he gets well soon.”

Heechul gave a soft smile and a nod. “He’s always been sensitive. I’m sure he’ll pull through.”

“What brings you here today?” Mark interrupted before the conversation could turn sad.

Jonghoon turned his attention away from Heechul, his smile wavering at Mark. “I assumed you forgot, since you hadn’t returned any of my messages the last few days. Your appointment is today.”

Mark gasped, nearly falling off his stool. “Oh my gosh! I completely forgot.” He grinned bashfully. “I’m sorry, I’ve been sick since I came back from the trip.”

“Which I would like to hear all about while I’m driving you to your appointment.” Jonghoon reached over and ruffled Mark’s short hair. He flinched away with a playful glare.

“You two seem quite close.” Heechul hummed, watching the two of them interact.

“Something like that.” Mark responded as Jonghoon grinned at him.

“I’m going to go get a coffee while I wait for you to finish your shift.” Jonghoon pulled away from Mark. “Don’t let me distract you from your work.”

Mark hummed and watched as Jonghoon walked up to the coffee counter, greeting Taeyong like they were old friends.

“I’m not imagining things, right?” Heechul leaned over and whispered to Mark, his eyes still on the older man. “That’s the singer? Yesung?”

Mark bit his lip to hide his grin, not that it worked. He nodded. “His real name is Jonghoon, but yeah.”

“How do you know him?” Heechul asked.

“Are you a fan?” Mark returned a question of his own.

Heechul nodded with a blush on his cheeks. “He sings really well.”

“He’s pretty cute, too.” Mark added.

“Yeah.” Heechul was grinning until he realized what he’d said and then he jerked with a startled squeak. “I mean, um..”

“He probably thinks you’re cute, too.” Mark giggled, the sight of the flustered elder amusing him.

Heechul hid his face, glancing back over at Jonghoon. Mark watched on in amusement as Jonghoon spotted them looking and raised his mug with a smile in acknowledgement. Heechul let out a less than manly squeak and spun around to hide his face.

“Get back to work.” He snapped, flustered.

Mark laughed, going back to the last few books in his stack, scanning their barcodes and entering them into the system.

The worked in silence until Mark finished his last book, ready to leave. He looked up at Heechul and grabbed his attention with one more teasing remark. “Do you want me to see if he’ll give you an autograph?”

Heechul shot a glare up at Mark. The younger ignored it and stacked the books up, getting his things ready to leave. Before he turned to head to the break room for his bag, Heechul spoke up again, his voice light, anxious.

“Do you think he’d give me one?” He asked.

Mark turned back to look at him with a grin on his face. “See you tomorrow, Hyung.”

Heechul went back to pouting. Mark disappeared through the aisles of books to the break room. He quickly gathered his things and bid goodbye to Lucas, who was finishing up his break. When he came back out to the main room, Jonghoon was waiting for him by the door with an amused smile. He wrapped an arm around Mark’s shoulders and lead him out of the store.

“What’s so funny?” Mark asked, once the door had shut behind them.

“Nothing.” Jonghoon chuckled, opening up the door on a deep blue Mercedes for Mark to slide in. “It’s just your new coworker is kind of strange.”

Mark waited for the elder to shut his door and walk around the car to get into the driver’s side before speaking. “How so?”

“He kept staring at me.”

“He’s a fan.” Mark responded. “I told him I’d ask you if you’d give him your autograph.”

Jonghoon chuckled. “So that’s the case, then?”

Mark nodded.

“So, tell me how your trip went.” Jonghoon changed the subjects as the car left the parking lot. “You didn’t return my calls after you left.”

“I’m sorry.” Mark looked down at his hands in his lap. “Something happened on the trip and I came down with the flu. Then there was a snow storm and we were stuck out there longer than expected. I meant to call you, but I only recently began feeling well again.”

“You were ill?”

Mark nodded.

“What happened?”

Mark bit his lip, anxious to say. He was afraid of Jonghoon’s reaction. He couldn’t stay silent for too long, though, and he wouldn’t lie to the elder. “Johnny went missing. I went to go look for him. There was a storm and we got stuck inside an old building overnight. We both came down with the flu.”

“Johnny.” The name sounded bitter from Jonghoon’s lips. Mark couldn’t blame him for the way he felt about the other man, but it didn’t make him any less sad. “He wasn’t at work today.”

“He’s in the hospital.” Mark’s words cause a start from the older man. “Going through rehab.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah.” Mark worried his lip between his teeth, staring out the window as buildings passed by.

“How do you feel about that?” Jonghoon asked.

Mark shrugged. “I’m not sure, yet. I just… I want him to get better.”

Jonghoon’s lips pressed together in a thin line. Mark knew that he was holding back things that he wanted to say. Things that, no doubt, Mark wouldn’t like hearing. The guilt rose up in him again, broiling at the base of his stomach. The silence that fell upon them left Mark to stew in his own thoughts. He had begun to doubt himself, his thoughts, his feelings. Everyone kept acting like he should be more upset, be angrier. He didn’t feel any of the things everyone kept telling him he should feel.

“How are you feeling?” Jonghoon’s words were soft, careful.

Mark forced a smile. “I’m fine.”

Jonghoon nodded. “If you weren’t, you’d tell me?”

“Of course.” Mark’s smile slid from his face and he looked out the window again, this time catching the reflection of his sallow face in the mirror.

“I worry about you, you know that?” Jonghoon said.

“I know.”

“I’m not going to try to imagine what you’re going through right now.” He said. “But if you ever want to talk to me about it, know that I’m always here for you.”

“You’re a really good friend.” Mark sighed, then turned a smile to the older man. “You’ve taken care of me a lot. I don’t know how I could ever repay you for that.”

Jonghoon smiled in his response. “You don’t have to repay me for kindness, Mark. I take care of you because you’re my friend, and I like you. Not because I’m expecting something in return.”

Mark smiled back at this. “Still. Thank you. Your friendship does mean a lot to me.”

“Of course.” Jonghoon stopped the car. “We’re here.”

Mark looked around the parking lot as Jonghoon got out and opened his door for him. He had a more pronounced limp as of late, having reopened the stitches. Jonghoon seemed to naturally gravitate to his side in case he tripped in the snowfall.

The building they had come to was small. Like the bookshop, it was nestled between two much larger, more noticeable buildings. It was plain, just a few windows and a door on the outside. There was a sign above the door with only a logo and no name.

“This is the therapist’s office?” Mark asked.

Jonghoon nodded. “Doctor Kim Namjoon is a brilliant psychiatrist. He specializes in trauma therapy.”

“How do you know him?” Mark asked, the bubble of nervousness settling into his stomach once more.

“I used to be his patient.” Jonghoon’s smile was tight, but it relaxed a little at the looked of concern that brushed over Mark’s features. “It was nothing serious, I promise. Early in my career, there was this fan, a sasaeng. She followed me everywhere. She knew my schedules. Followed my car around. She knew where my dorm was. When I moved, it only took her a week before she was waiting outside my front door for me. It was terrifying, being stalked like that. Eventually, my company was able to take care of her, but I started coming to see Doctor Kim afterwards.”

“I didn’t know something like that had happened.” Mark frowned.

Jonghoon shrugged. “It was in the past. I’m over it now, thanks to Doctor Kim.”

“I hope he can help me, too.” Mark hummed.

Jonghoon opened the door for him and they stepped into the quaint little office. The entire room smelled like eucalyptus and lavender. Mark could hear the faint sound of calming ocean waves coming from some unknown location. The waiting room was empty of people, but decorated in warm colors with leather chairs and shelves full of books.

Jonghoon stepped up to the young woman at the counter when she smiled at him pleasantly. He told her the name of the patient and got a packet of paperwork, sitting next to Mark as he filled it all out. Within thirty minutes, the kind woman was leading Mark through a narrow hallway while Jonghoon promised he’d be waiting right outside.


	71. 71 - Were you prepared for that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote alot recently which is good because I've felt bad the past few days and haven't been able to write, so I can still update without having to hurt myself XD
> 
> Have any of my readers listened to a singer called Dimash Kudaibergen? 
> 
> If you haven't, you should really listen to him. Best vocals in the world.

Johnny stood in front of the shop, chewing his lip nervously. It felt like an entire lifetime ago since the last time he stood in front of it. Five years could be an entire lifetime, he thought to himself as he took a deep breath and stepped into the building.

Everything was exactly like he’d remembered it, the shelves, the carpet and the tiles, the coffeeshop counter and the old but comfortable chairs against the wall. The man behind the counter, however, didn’t look anything like the last time Johnny had seen him. From the confused expression on his face, Johnny could tell that he must have looked a lot different as well. For one, his hair was a lot longer. Two, he was wearing a white button up beneath a suit coat and loafers instead of the style he usually wore.

“Haechan.” Johnny called the man’s name. “It’s been a while.”

Haechan had grown in the past five years. He was taller, more distinguished, but still just as cute as ever when his confused smile turned into a grin. “Johnny Hyung, is that really you?”

“So you do recognize me.” He grinned. “I was afraid you wouldn’t.”

“It has been five years.” Haechan’s smile faded. “Where have you been?”

Johnny licked his lips. “I’ll explain later. Can you tell me who else is here? Does… Does everyone still work here?”

“You own the place.” A familiar voice spoke from behind him. “Have you not been keeping up with your own store?”

Johnny spun around to come face to face with Jaena. “Your hair is green.”

“And you’re in a suit.” She dead-panned, though he could see the smile in her eyes.

“Who else is here?” He asked.

Jaena shrugged, putting down the stack of books she’d been carrying. “It’s just us right now. Lucas left for lunch with Ten about ten minutes ago.”

“Lucas still works here, then?” Johnny asked, taking a seat at one of the tables. Haechan brought around a cup of black coffee for him and took a seat opposite while Jaena sat down as well.

“Ten works here now, too.” Haechan told him. “He started working in the coffeeshop after you left.”

“Oh.” His eyebrows rose in surprise and he paused to take a sip of his coffee. “What else has changed?”

Jaena leaned forward in her seat and sighed. “Well, most of the same group is still here. Yuta, me, Haechan, Lucas, Ten, Taeyong. DoYoung took a few months off to visit YangYang’s family with him in Germany, but I’m sure you already knew that.”

Johnny shrank behind her accusatory stare. “It was for the best.”

Jaena sighed. “I know, but that didn’t make it any less hard on everyone here. You left for rehab and just never came back, Johnny. No one knew where you went, how you were. We worried for months. Yuta looked like he was going to have another breakdown before YangYang admitted that he knew where you were, but he couldn’t tell us.”

Johnny looked at his hands. “I’m sorry.”

Jaena sighed. “Anyway, That’s about it. Oh, there’s another new worker as well as Ten. Yuta’s cousin from up north, Heechul. He came to cover for Yuta while he was hospitalized just before you left. He stayed.”

Johnny swallowed thickly. There was one person they hadn’t mentioned. Someone he’d thought about every single say for the past five years. He could understand, though, why they would think it would be best not to bring him up. Johnny almost didn’t want to ask about it himself. He hadn’t seen or spoken to Mark in five years. He’d spent half of that time hoping that Mark was doing better and had moved on, maybe gotten into a relationship with that singer. The other half was still holding onto the hope that Mark still thought about him every day as well.

“You never told us what you were doing here.” Jaena drew him out of his thoughts.

Johnny finished his coffee and sat the cup down before speaking. “Mom is ill.”

He watched the expressions on both his old friend’s faces fall. He sighed, running a hand through his long hair.

“I thought she was getting better.” Haechan’s voice wavered.

Johnny glanced at Jaena, and then at Haechan. “I haven’t seen her yet.” He admitted. “She called me about a week ago and told me that she didn’t think she could keep running the business if she wanted to focus on her recovery.”

“So, she asked you to come take over the company?” Jaena asked, quirking an eyebrow.

“Something like that.” Johnny shrugged, standing. “Listen, my plane just landed about an hour ago. I just couldn’t stop myself from coming back here on my way to see mom. I should really get going.”

“If you’re sure…” Jaena looked as if there was something more that she wanted to say, but when she didn’t keep speaking, Johnny just shrugged.

“It was good seeing you again, Hyung.” Haechan grinned, standing up to wrap his arms tightly around the older man. Johnny was surprised at first, but he let out a soft chuckle and patted the younger man on the head.

“Same, Channie.” He said. “Same.”

He bid the two of them goodbye and then stepped out of the coffee shop. His heart felt a little bit lighter, but a little more burdened at the same time. With a heavy sigh, he tucked himself back into his old Porsche and turned off to head towards the hospital.

Mark wiped his brow for probably the thousandth time that shift. He felt like he’d been on his feet, running around like a chicken with its head cut off, since the moment he stepped into the hospital. Such was the life of an intern.

He checked the chart in his hands one more time to make sure the details were correct before he marked off the tests that he needed run. He handed it to one of the nurses and spun around to immediately find another one of the interns standing behind him with wide, panicked eyes.

“What is it, JinHee?” He asked.

“It’s 409.” She told him. “She’s seizing again and nobody can stick a vein. We need help.”

Mark nodded and took off running after the girl. He skidded around a corner and straight into a stranger in a suit. He muttered a quick apology and took off again, glancing back with a frown. The man’s long hair didn’t quite go with the suit he was wearing, he thought.

He slid into room 409 behind JinHee. There were three nurses and two other interns in the room, all trying to restrain the young patient in the bed, who was thrashing hard enough to break a bone. They all looked a little bit relieved when he walked in. He wasted no time, jumping into action. He grabbed the needle from one of the nurses and hopped onto the bed with the thrashing woman. He laid his weight on her, pinned her arm between his knees, uncapped the needle, and counted to three before pressing it into her skin.

He uncapped the IV plug and taped it down before rolling back out of the bed and straightening himself out. JinHee took his hand with a grateful smile on her face while the nurses immediately when to pushing medicine through the IV, stopping the girl’s seizures.

“You’re amazing, Mark.” She glanced at the patient, then back at him. “Thank you.”

Mark shrugged. “I’ve just had a lot of practice. It’s nothing, really.”

“No.” One of the other interns came up and patted him on the back. “You’ve got a really skilled set of hands.”

“We’ve already told him that he needs to go into the surgery field.” JinHee shot him a playful glare.

Mark laughed, scratching at the back of his head. “Well, if that’s all I can do to help, I need to get back to my section. I’ve got a few more rounds to make, and they’re moving a new patient from Oncology to me that I haven’t met yet.”

“Good luck with that.” JinHee smiled. “And thank you again!”

Mark nodded and disappeared out of the room, taking a deep breath to calm himself back down. It wasn’t the first time he’d been called to get a needle into a thrashing or violent patient. It almost seemed to be a talent of his. Handling the more difficult or violent patients. Even the doctor he shadowed most times had the habit of assigning him the more stubborn patients for his natural ability to handle their behavior and attitudes.

He turned back onto his own section and ducked his head when Doctor Lee looked up to raise an eyebrow at him. Mark had liked Doctor Lee from the first time he’d met the surgeon. He was brilliant at his craft and an amazing teacher for Mark to learn from. It helped that Jinki was a very kind person with a great sense of humor as well as amazing at his profession.

Doctor Lee crooked his finger at Mark, signaling him to come over. Mark bit his lip as he walked, waiting for the Doctor to finish his conversation with the nurse before turning to him.

“I watched you run off.” The Doctor said.

Mark nodded. “Sorry, Sir. One of the other interns needed help with an IV for a seizing patient.”

Jinki gave him a scrutinizing look before his face broke into a soft smile. “Sometimes, I think you’re trying to take care of every patient in the hospital all at once.”

Mark shrugged with a coy grin. “There’s a reason I wanted to become a Doctor.”

Jinki rolled his eyes with a smile and a huff, but then his face became suddenly serious. Mark frowned.

“Just remember, Kid.” Jinki told him. “You aren’t going to be able to save everybody.”

“No.” Mark set his lips into a determined smile. “But that isn’t going to stop me from trying.”

“Good on you, Kid.” Jinki answered. “Why don’t you start by checking in on our new patient. Room 436. Mrs. Suh.”

“Her chart?”

Jinki handed over the clipboard. “Middle-aged, no history of health conditions in her family. Started getting sick about a year ago.”

Mark browsed the file with a frown on his face. The labs and the x-rays all lined up perfectly. “This is cancer, late stage.” He looked up at Jinki with a frown. “You said she only started getting sick last year?”

Jinki shrugged. “That’s when she first claims to have noticed the symptoms.”

“Treatments?”

“She’s already gone through aggressive Chemo. A few surgeries, even some experimental drugs that were approved.” Jinki sighed. “It’s only getting worse.”

“What can we do for her?” Mark asked.

“More than likely, nothing.” Jinki shrugged. “She’s still got a few more rounds of Chemo, but she hasn’t been responding so far, so unless there’s a miracle, I doubt she’ll suddenly start responding.”

“What about surgery?” He asked.

Jinki chewed the inside of his lip. “That’s why they sent her up to us. They’re hoping that one more surgery might remove enough damaged tissue for the Chemo to be effective.”

“And what do you think?” Mark asked.

Jinki motioned to the chart in Mark’s hands. “You’ve got her results. Tell me what you think.”

Mark looked down at the papers, studying through them with an intent expression on his face. Though with every test he looked at, the sinking feeling in his heart grew. “I think that another surgery might kill her.”

“And why do you think that?” Jinki asked.

Mark licked his lips as he looked back down at the chart in his hands. It took him a few minutes to figure out the wording that he wanted to use to explain just how bad the results were and how weak the woman must have been. When he looked at Jinki as he summed everything up, he imagined he probably looked entirely defeated.

“We’ve got to go in that room and tell this woman that the last-ditch effort surgery to save her may end up killing her anyway?” He asked.

Jinki shook his head. “No. You’ve got to do that.”

Mark frowned as Jinki dismissed himself and walked away, leaving Mark with that news. He wanted to take back his earlier assessment. Sometimes he really hated Doctor Lee. Especially when he put the hopeless cases on Mark. He knew it was to teach him to be tougher, not to take his patient’s losses as hard as he did. Sometimes, because Mark was just stubborn enough to find a way around ‘hopeless’ and saved someone everyone else wrote off as unsavable.

He took a deep breath and closed the file, heading off towards the room. He would at least go greet the patient, and any family that she had with her – there was usually at least one. Maybe he could hold off on having to tell her that she was going to most likely die either way for another time.

The door to the room was open when Mark walked up to it. He could hear a female’s voice, not loud enough to hear what she was saying. It seemed that she was talking to someone. When Mark walked into the room, he saw that it was the stranger from earlier, the one he had bumped into. The man whose long hair didn’t seem to match well with his expensive suit.

“Excuse me.” He called lightly to get their attention.

“Oh, you must be the Doctor.” The woman was terribly thin, with dark circle under her eyes and short, greying hair. She was also extremely familiar.

“I’m just the intern.” Mark swallowed.

The stranger had turned around when he’d spoken and was staring at Mark with a wide-eyed expression of disbelief. Mark felt his heart jump into his throat as their eyes met and held each other for a moment. He shook his head and swallowed down the feelings he was definitely going to have to ignore until later and continued to speak.

“The Doctor will come by and speak to you in person a little while later.” Mark turned his attention back to the woman. Johnny’s mom. And that was Johnny standing next to her.

He walked to the edge of her bed and started to check all the tubes she was plugged into, charting down her current vital signs and getting all the information that he needed first before he had to have any more conversation.

“You look so familiar, honey.” Mrs. Suh reached out a frail hand and touched his.

Mark smiled down at her. “We’ve met before, Mrs. Suh.”

“Is that so?” She smiled.

Mark nodded his head. “I used to work at one of the bookstores your coffeeshop partners with.”

“Really?” Her smile widened and she turned to her son. “It wouldn’t happen to be yours, would it?”

Johnny shot a glance at Mark, who put effort into not meeting his eyes. He couldn’t see the other man’s expression, but he wasn’t sure that he wanted to. Not when he was supposed to be working.

“I’ll tell you all about it later, Mom.” Johnny finally spoke, his voice soft and gentle.

Mark finished up everything that he needed to do. Everything except tell Johnny’s mother that she was more than likely going to die right in front of her son, who had disappeared from Mark’s life for years. He walked out of the room faster than he meant, his heart pounding in his ears.

“Mark.” The familiar voice caught him just as he was about to turn a corner.

“Johnny.” Mark swallowed and turned to look at the other man.

Johnny shifted his weight and scratched at a spot behind his ear. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t expecting to see you here.”

“I wasn’t expecting to see you at all.” Mark responded. “I thought you were dead.”

Johnny chewed his lower lip. “Do you think we could talk?”

“I’m working.” Mark motioned to his white coat and the hospital around them.

“When you’re not working?” Johnny asked. “I just…”

“There’s a lot of things that we probably need to say to each other.” Mark nodded. He sighed and thought for a while. “My shift ends at Ten.”


	72. 72 - read the note guys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo guys!
> 
> Sorry that I haven't been posting as often lately. I got a new job that takes up alot of time. 
> 
> Just know if I go a while without updating that it's not because I gave up on the story because I'm determined to finish this.
> 
> It's just that my new job is very demanding, so I'll be alot slower sometimes to update than usual.
> 
> I love you guys, thanks for all the love and support you give me for this story <3

Johnny waited nervously in front of the hospital. He’d stayed a little while longer with his mother before heading back to her house to have a shower and clean himself up. His heart was doing all sorts of acrobatics in his chest and he’d gone through everything he wanted to say and every outfit he’d brought with him.

In the end, he’d decided on a pair of black slacks and a blue button up. He’d even tied his hair back in a low ponytail. He was picking at his fingers and taking deep breaths to try and calm himself when a voice from behind startled him.

“You’re actually here.” Mark had left his white coat behind. He looked so much more like the way Johnny remembered him without it. His hair had grown back out into pretty curls, though they weren’t blonde this time. His wide full-moon eyes were staring at Johnny with surprise in them.

Johnny chuckled awkwardly and smiled. “Of course, I am.”

The worry in his stomach settled a bit when the corner of Mark’s lips tilted up into a small smile. “I had begun to think that maybe I had imagined the whole thing.”

“I’m not in your imagination.” Johnny tried a smile of his own. “I’m here. Really.”

“So…” Mark looked down, hands tucked into the pockets of his khaki pants. “What now?”

Johnny swallowed and glanced back at his car. “Well, I’ve got my car. If you’re not opposed to going for a drive, we could grab something to eat? My treat?”

Johnny watched Mark chew at the inside of his cheek as he seemed to think about his options. Johnny wouldn’t have blamed him for declining. He gave a little gasp when Mark smiled at him.

“You’re lucky that I haven’t eaten since this morning.” Mark said. “I’m starving.”

Johnny grinned. He couldn’t help it. He made a sweeping motion towards his car and nearly bounced as he walked to it and opened the door for Mark.

“This reminds me of…” Mark started, but then trailed off as he ducked into the car and buckled himself in.

“This will be different.” Johnny had already shut the door when he spoke, so he was sure that Mark hadn’t heard his promise. His fingers pressed down against the inner crook of his elbow for a moment, and then he was around to the driver’s side and into the car.

Mark didn’t ask where they were going when Johnny moved out of the parking lot. They drove in silence for a while. Johnny had so many things to say, had rehearsed so many things, but when he glanced at Mark sitting in the passenger seat again after over five years, he knew to keep quiet. Mark looked small sitting there, despite how much he’d grown in the few years. His eyes seemed to be looking everywhere, recalling memories that Johnny would rather him not remember. His fingers flexed against the steering wheel when he felt those eyes on him.

“You grew out your hair.” It wasn’t what Johnny had been expecting. His hand went up to tug at the ends of it.

“Yeah. I did.” He was speechless to think of anything else to say. “You’re not blonde.”

Mark mirrored Johnny, fingers twisting around a curl. “I didn’t think that blonde would look very professional.”

“Because you’re a doctor now.”

“I’m still in school.” Mark put his hand down and turned to look out the window. “I’m only interning right now for clinicals. I have to pick a specialty by the end of this semester.”

“That’s brilliant.” Johnny admitted. “I’m glad that you’ve gotten so far with your studies.”

Mark nodded, a small smile making its way onto his face. “I’ve been working really hard.” There was a pause and then Mark spoke again, his voice more somber. “I really thought you were dead.”

“To be honest, for a while, it felt like I was.” Johnny licked his lips.

“What happened?” Mark asked. “Where have you been?”

Johnny took a deep breath. “I’ll tell you everything over dinner. We’re here.”

For a split moment, he wondered if it was too much, bringing Mark here after all this time. He stepped out of his car and around to open the door for Mark on habit, only to find that the other man was already out of the car. He gave him a tight smile and turned to look over at the river before looking up at the restaurant.

“Here?” He could hear the memory in Mark’s voice.

Johnny shrugged. “I haven’t eaten here in five years. I missed it. We can go somewhere else if you don’t want to eat here.” 

Mark shook his head. “This is fine.”

Johnny followed behind Mark as they walked into the restaurant. The conversation between them was minimal and basic as they waited to be seated, got their table, and browsed their menus. Johnny wanted to laugh when Mark took a cursory glance at the menu and then proceeded to shamelessly order the most expensive thing on it with a challenging smile to Johnny.

“You’ve really changed, haven’t you?” Johnny chuckled.

“It’s been five years.” Mark reminded him.

Johnny nodded, glancing down at the napkin on the table in front of him. “I really don’t know where to begin. I had all these things planned and rehearsed to tell you, but I guess I wasn’t expecting to see you so suddenly.”

“Start from the beginning.” Mark took a sip of his water. “It’s been five years. You left without a single word to anyone. I thought you were dead.”

“At the time, I didn’t think anyone would care, or even miss me.” Johnny found his fingers pressing against that spot on his arm again. “And I was afraid that if I didn’t just leave right then, I wouldn’t have had the strength to go later.”

“Go where?” Mark asked.

“Back to Chicago.” Johnny responded. “I still have family there, and I went to a really good rehabilitation facility there.”

Mark was silent for a while, focusing on the food in front of him. Johnny waited for him to say something, ask another question.

“Why didn’t you come back after you finished rehab?” He finally asked.

Johnny watched him, despite wanting to look away. “I put myself in the lowest place I’ve ever been in my life. I took everything good that I had here in Seoul and I destroyed it. What would have been here waiting for me?”

“Your friends.” Mark didn’t hesitate to answer. “We were all waiting, for months, for years, to hear something from you.”

Johnny couldn’t keep his gaze on Mark’s any longer, not when he could see the anger, the pain and the hurt inside of the other man’s eyes. “I was being selfish by not contacting any of you. I was afraid, I was hurting. I didn’t think that any of you would take me back if I did come home.”

“So, you stayed in Chicago?”

Johnny nodded.

“What did you do there?”

Johnny watched Mark. He knew that this conversation was going to be difficult and awkward, and he didn’t want to push him to talk about the parts of their past that he wasn’t ready to talk about yet. Hopefully, they would be able to get to that point.

“I lived with my cousin.” Johnny started vaguely. “Started working in one of our coffee shops back home. I went to college.”

Mark’s eyebrows shifted up. “You went to college?”

Johnny nodded. “Four years. I’ve got a business degree now.”

“Wow.” Mark ran a hand through his curls, a light smile on his face. “I’m impressed.”

Johnny swallowed the lump in his throat. “I’ve been clean for the last five years as well. I started seeing a therapist and I started doing volunteer work in the community.”

Mark nodded, though he was silent for a long while after that. “I would ask why you suddenly decided to come back to Seoul, but I guess I already know that. Are you going to start working back at the coffee shop, then?”

Johnny pinched his lips together. “I’m not sure yet. I know that I’ll be around there a lot, but mom ran most of the company as a whole. Taking over after her is going to be a lot of work.”

“You’ll be able to do it.” Mark answered, a soft smile on his face.

“Thanks.” Johnny muttered, shoving food into his mouth. He was regretting tying his hair back because he was pretty sure that he was blushing now.

They didn’t talk much about the past after that. Johnny found out that although Mark didn’t work there anymore, he spent most of his free time at the bookstore. He also realized that everyone else had kept his contact with YangYang a secret from Mark. He told Mark all about his cousin and Chicago.

They both walked out of the restaurant with a smile on their faces and a full belly. Johnny hovered before heading towards his vehicle, glancing at Mark.

“Would you want to take a walk with me?” He asked. “There’s… still something that I want to say to you before this night ends.”

Mark looked up at Johnny with his heart pounding into his throat. His mind flashed back to his college campus, Jeno standing across the street with a smile that made Mark agree despite the panic in his stomach.

“The river is nice this time of night.” He answered, glancing out at it.

Their pace set off rather slow, a kind of leisurely gait, while Johnny looked out at the water. Mark kept his hands shoved into his pants pockets while they walked, waiting for Johnny to begin talking. It was both a relief and a burden that he found out Johnny was alive after all this time. Part of Mark had always hoped that he would return, even when he’d mourned him as dead.

“I think you know.” Johnny’s voice called Mark’s attention. “That what I have to say to you is an apology.”

Mark nodded. He had known it would be coming. After everything, it was expected. Johnny stopped walking and so did Mark. Johnny turned to face him and for a moment, Mark wondered if he was going to drop to his knees and apologize formally. He started to reach out for Mark’s hands but then paused and clasped his own hands together to let them fall.

“I know that what I did is unforgivable. I have no excuse, and I don’t want to use drugs to shift blame from myself. I hurt you in ways that I will never be able to fully understand. I did that, not the drugs, not the alcohol, me. That is a guilt that I will live with for the rest of my life. I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I don’t even deserve to ask for it, but that’s what I’m going to do.” Johnny stopped speaking to take a deep breath and look into Mark’s eyes.

Mark could only stare back in silence.

“I also wanted to thank you.” Johnny continued to speak.

“Thank me?” Mark asked, voice barely a whisper.

Johnny nodded. “I can’t remember if I thanked you before I left. You saved my life that night, in the church, in more ways than one. If it weren’t for the unconditional, stubborn friendship and care that you showed to me, I wouldn’t have found the strength to get clean.”

“You were sick.” Mark spat out the response he recalled defending himself with so many years ago. “I’m a doctor. It would have been against who I am as a person to give up on you.”

Johnny nodded. “That’s why I’m not worried about my mom anymore. You won’t give up on her, no matter what.”

Mark suddenly looked down, remembering Doctor Lee’s words and even his own before he realized the patient was Johnny’s mother. She was going to die, he’d said. He felt sick with himself.

“I thought about you every day.” Johnny’s voice made Mark jerk his head back up at him.

“You what?” he asked dumbly.

Mark watched Johnny’s adam’s apple bob up and down before he spoke again. “I thought about you every day. When I was in rehab. I spent half the time hoping that you’d forgotten all about me and the other half hoping you thought about me, too. When things got really hard, I almost relapsed. But I remembered everything you had done for me, and everything I had become. Thinking about you gave me the strength to make it through the harder moments.”

“Oh.” Mark’s feet suddenly looked very interesting to himself, his eyes wouldn’t look anywhere else.

“So, that’s what I had do say.” Johnny shoved his hands into his pockets. “That I’m sorry and thank you.”

“This is all a lot to process.” Mark said, fingers tangling into his curls. “I wasn’t expecting any of this to happen today. I’m not really sure how to respond to everything.”

Johnny nodded, taking as step back as if he were giving Mark some room to breathe. He was thankful for it. “You don’t have to say anything right now.” Johnny said. “Take some time to think about it. I know that we’re going to be seeing each other again at the coffee shop or the hospital. Just, take all the time that you need and when you know what to say, you can say it then. I’ll respect whatever decision you decide to make.”

The conversation seemed to be over after that. The two of them walked in a thoughtful silence all the way back to Johnny’s car. Mark had a lot to think about. His past had just been raised from the dead and he didn’t know how to feel about it. The familiar sense of empty calmness made him uncomfortable. What was he to do, what was he to say? If he told Johnny he didn’t want the older man back in his life, would he disappear? If he accepted Johnny back as if nothing happened?

Johnny held Mark’s door open for him as he slipped into the black Porsche. All he knew for certain was that his therapist was going to have a field day at their next session.


	73. 73 - I got a new tattoo today

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I got a new tattoo today. It's in memory of Jonghyun, who was very important to me.
> 
> Also, I'm happy about where this story is going. 
> 
> Also, I watched the Monsta X live stream concert and took a billion pictures from it XD

The clock read nearly midnight when Mark finally made it back to his apartment. He sighed when he opened the door to the sound of softly playing Jazz. His roommate had obviously stayed up waiting for him. He kicked off his shoes and padded into the living room.

“Hey.” He spoke just louder than the music, dropping down onto the couch beside his roommate.

“You’re late tonight.” The other man looked at him with a short smile over a long-stemmed glass of red wine.

Mark hummed, taking the cup and having a sip before returning it to the other man’s hands. “I’m sorry I didn’t let you know. Some things happened and it was just a very stressful night. I forgot to text. Forgive me?”

He watched the other man put the wineglass on the table and leaned forward, grabbing Mark and pulling him into his lap. Mark cuddled in, relaxing against the older man with a sigh of relief.

“So, you do forgive me?” He asked.

The other man chuckled, fingers trailing down Mark’s sides, tugging his shirt from where it was tucked into his pants. Mark squirmed when a pair of lips touched his neck.

“Hey!” He laughed. “I’m sincerely apologizing for not telling you. Why are you teasing me?”

“You’re being sincere?” The other man pouted. “Are you sure?”

“What should I do?” Mark moved so that he was on his knees, hovering over the other man. “What will it take to get you to forgive me?”

“Mmm….” The other man’s bit his lower lip and looked upwards as he thought about it. He returned his eyes to Mark’s with a playful grin and pursed out his lips. “Kisses.”

Mark laughed and rolled his eyes, leaning forward until his lips connected to the other man’s in a gentle kiss. When he pulled away, he grinned.

“Is that enough?” He asked.

His roommate only responded with a hand on the back of the neck, pulling him back and kissing him until they were both breathless. When Mark was finally able to pull away, panting but still smiling, he wiped his lips and shot a playful glare at the other man.

“Such a good boy, My little Mark.” The other man reached out to brush some of his hair behind his ears.

Mark blushed. “Yuta, you can’t keep calling me that. It’s not fair.”

Yuta pulled himself up into a sitting position, leveling his face just inches from Mark. “It’s not my fault that you keep being adorable.” He pecked Mark on the tip of his nose and pulled away, turning to pick up his forgotten glass of wine. “Anyway, you know what to do when you want me to stop.”

“But I do want you to stop.” Mark sighed, letting himself fall back into the couch cushions while Yuta eyed him curiously. “I’m really just not in the mood tonight. Something really big has happened today. I…. I’m not really sure how to feel about it.”

It was as if Yuta’s entire personality had changed with Mark’s statement. He sat up straighter, his expression becoming more serious. He pulled Mark’s hand into his own, urging him to sit up properly.

“What’s happened, Mark?” He asked. “Can you tell me?”

Mark sighed, carefully pulling his hand away so that he could curl up and wrap them around his knees, chin sitting on top as he looked into the black screen of the television. “I’m not even really sure where to begin. My head is all a mess.”

“Did something happen at work?”

“Kind of?” Mark frowned, picking at his pants leg.

“Take your time.” Yuta started to speak. “Tell me when you’re rea-“

“I saw Johnny today.”

Mark’s sudden words caused a loud silence through the rest of the room. Yuta’s jaw dropped, eyes widened. He almost spilled his wine glass before he remembered he was holding it. He finished its contents and sat it back down on the table before turning to Mark.

“Are you sure?” He asked carefully. “It couldn’t have been someone who looked similar?”

Mark shook his head. “His mom is one of my patients. He was in the room with her.”

“Oh.”

Mark looked at Yuta with a suspicious expression on his face. “Oh? That’s all you have to say? We thought he was dead for the last five years and that’s all you have to say?”

Yuta sighed, scratching at his freshly cut blonde hair. “Well, it is a bit shocking.”

Mark let out a laugh that bordered on the more hysterical side. “You’re telling me.”

“So.” Yuta licked his lips, a nervous expression coming over his face. His fingers dug into the fabric of his pants as he fidgeted in his spot. “What happened?”

Mark glanced at his friend and then away again with a sigh. “He asked me if we could talk.”

“That’s why you were late, then?” Yuta asked. Mark really tried to ignore the traces of tears in Yuta’s voice. “You were with Johnny.”

“He took me to eat so that we could talk.” Mark answered. “He told me where he’s been all this time and why. And he apologized for the past.”

“And you forgave him? Just like that?”

“I forgave him a long time ago.” Mark shot a glance up at Yuta.

The other man had recently been wearing his hair short and he could no longer hide his facial expressions behind it. Mark hated what he saw on his friend’s face. The uncertainty and the hurt. The years had been kinds to Mark, but they hadn’t dealt Yuta the same fate. Mark didn’t think it was fair.

“Is that all he wanted?” Yuta asked, voice soft.

Mark paused and looked at Yuta for a really long moment before he spoke again. “He wanted to make sure that I would be alright with him being around again.”

“And you said it would be fine.” Yuta nodded, pushing himself across the couch back to where he’d been sitting originally. “Of course, you did.”

“Yuta…” Mark turned, reaching out for his friend.

“He doesn’t deserve you.” Yuta looked away.

“You’re right.” Mark responded.

Yuta glanced over at him curiously, having obviously not expected that answer. Mark only chuckled, forcing himself into Yuta’s space until the two were cuddling so closely that nearly every inch of their skin was touching. Mark pressed his lips to the crook of Yuta’s lips where his head was snuggled.

“What happened in the past was an entire shit storm of not okay.” Mark said. “And what happened to me can’t be fixed or healed because he showed up one day and said he was sorry.”

“Then what?” Yuta’s grip on Mark tightened.

“Fixing what happened between us is something that’s going to be a difficult and probably long process, only if we’re both willing to put the effort into it. It’s just that… I never thought that it was something that he’d actually get the opportunity to do.” Mark sniffled. “I mourned his death.”

“I’m sorry.” Yuta swallowed. “I know this must be very difficult for you.”

“It is.” Mark pressed a kiss to Yuta’s neck and another to his jawline. “And what is my best friend going to do to comfort me?”

Yuta finally cracked a grin when Mark began to press insistent kisses to his lips. He grabbed the younger man by the wrists and flipped them suddenly so that he was hovering over Mark on the couch.

“You want me to comfort you?” Yuta asked, pressing a kiss to Mark’s lips. “What would you like?”

Yuta’s fingers had already started to work on Mark’s buttons as the younger boy looked up at him. Mark tilted his head thoughtfully before he reaching up, fingers touching at Yuta’s bottom lip. Yuta poked his tongue out to tease at them.

“Use your mouth.” Mark said.

Yuta quirked an eyebrow. “What was that, Baby Boy?”

Mark bit the tip of his tongue, pulling his fingers back as Yuta tugged his pants down just enough to expose the already growing bulge in his boxers. Yuta palmed him, making him groan out in pleasure and buck into the sensation.

“Please.” He asked, breathless. “Please suck me off. Please.”

“Such a good boy.” Yuta teased before lowering his head down.

Mark closed his eyes, his head dropping back in expectant pleasure before he had the chance to watch Yuta wrap his lips around him.

Being back at the coffee shop in any capacity was a bit strange for Johnny. His first appearance had startled the others, but word of his return was quick and it didn’t take long for the others to acclimate to having him back in the shop. There were really only two people who didn’t seem to be terribly happy with his return.

He wasn’t surprised that Lucas’s reaction upon seeing him for the first time was to drop his smile and shoulder past him without saying a word. Ten had stopped and given Johnny one of the longest hugs he’d ever received and apologized for his boyfriend.

“It’s fine.” Johnny had responded. “It’s no secret that he’s hated me since then.”

“He doesn’t hate you.” Ten bit his lip, looking back to where Lucas had gone.

Johnny just shrugged. “It’s fine. I wasn’t expecting everyone to be okay with this.”

“I’m more than okay that you’re back.” Ten responded, his expression softening. “I’m just not okay with the circumstances that brought you back.”

Johnny swallowed and nodded. He watched as Ten followed behind the path were Lucas had gone, returning moments later to step behind the coffee shop counter. Lucas didn’t even glance his direction as he went toward he bookstore counter.

Taeyong had been working the counter before Ten had arrived, taking his chances to speak to Johnny when he could get them. He was free for his break now, though, and he immediately grabbed some coffee and pastries and sat down at the table next to where Johnny was working on some paperwork with a laptop.

“Lucas hates you still?” Taeyong asked, having seen their altercation.

Johnny hummed, “It seems so.”

“You’re not bothered by it?” Taeyong frowned.

Johnny glanced up at him. “Do I really have the right to be?”

Taeyong sighed, glancing to where Lucas was standing, back to them, and talking to Yuta. Johnny didn’t miss the longing stare he gave to his ex. He definitely didn’t miss the way that Taeyong ducked his head and slid down in his seat to look smaller when Yuta twirled around the counter and started heading in their direction.

“Johnny.” When Yuta greeted him, he seemed stiff, refusing to look anywhere but directly at Johnny’s face.

“What can I help you with, Yuta?” He smiled up at the other man as if nothing were wrong.

Yuta held out a file with some papers in it. “These are the documents that you requested.”

“Thank you.” Johnny took the file and flipped it open.

As he skimmed through the information, Taeyong dared a glance up at Yuta.

“Hi, Yuta.” He sounded very unsure of himself.

Johnny glanced up curious when Taeyong got no response, only to see that Yuta was staring at him with his hands balled into fists and adamantly ignoring Taeyong’s presence. Taeyong’s entire expression fell and he dropped his head back down, remaining silent until Yuta walked off again.

Johnny waited a moment, his curiosity evident without even having to speak. Taeyong swallowed the lump in his throat and wiped at what looked suspiciously like a tear.

“I really don’t know why I keep getting my hopes up.” Taeyong’s words were barely above a whisper. “It’s been five years and he hasn’t spoken a word to me.”

“You haven’t given up?” Johnny asked.

“How can I?” Taeyong turned his pained gaze to Johnny and then followed where Yuta had walked away to. “He’s everything to me.”

Johnny watched where Taeyong’s eyes had gone, finding Yuta speaking to someone who had just walked through the door. The man’s back was to them, but Johnny didn’t even have to take a second glance to recognize that it was Mark. Something inside of his stomach did a little flip.

“After all this time?” He asked. “You think it’s still worth it to try?”

“I have no ounce of hope that I’ll ever get him back.” Taeyong looked down at his hands, picking at the skin around one of his fingers. “I’m just praying that some day he at least acknowledges me again.”

“That’s…. Really depressing.” Johnny frowned. “Are you sure there’s no hope?”

Taeyong turned wide, curious eyes to Johnny. “You really don’t know?”

“Don’t know what?” Johnny frowned.

Taeyong shifted in his seat, clearly uncomfortable suddenly. He looked everywhere but at Johnny.

“Taeyong, tell me what you’re talking about.” He demanded.

Taeyong sighed, ruffling up his messy pink hair. “Yuta’s… He and Mark have been seeing each other for a few years now.”

Johnny’s entire body froze, as if a bucket of ice water had been poured over him. Time seemed to end for a moment, and then everything came spinning back into existence. “What?”

Taeyong bit his lip, scratching nervously at his ear. “I mean, they aren’t officially a couple or anything, but they really haven’t been keeping it a secret that they’ve been sleeping together.”

Johnny could only blink as he stared at his computer screen, suddenly unsure what language he was supposed to be reading. It wasn’t until a shadow blocked the light from in front of him that he looked up. Mark stood in front of him, hands in the pockets of a green hoodie.

“You’re here?” He asked, curious smile on his face. “And hello, too, Taeyong Hyung.”

“Hi…Mark.” Taeyong glanced up to greet him, but ducked his head back down quickly. Johnny saw Mark’s eyes waver, the way the used to do when he was trying hard to pretend not to notice something.

“I’m here.” Johnny responded. “You’re here too.”

Mark laughed, the sound like muted bells in Johnny’s ears. “Yeah, it seems I am. Do you guy mind if I sit and chat with you until Jonghoon Hyung arrives?”


	74. 74 - Things are about to get really confusing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I keep changing what I want to happen XD
> 
> But I still plan to do what I planned to do.
> 
> It's just gonna happen a little differently XD

Mark was surprised by the amount of courage he had to walk over to Johnny and Taeyong and ask to sit with them. Even more surprised when Johnny shot a worried glance towards Taeyong before motioning towards one of the chairs.

“I wasn’t expecting to see you here.” Mark said the first thing that came to his mind.

“I did say that I would be coming here.” Johnny responded.

Mark chuckled more softly this time. “Ah, Yeah. It’s just that it’s been two weeks and this is the first time I’ve seen you outside of the hospital.”

“Is it?” Johnny chuckled. “I didn’t really notice.”

Mark paused, unsure why his heart clenched at the thought. He shot a quick glance at Taeyong before he focused his attention back on Johnny. He knew that he was trying way too hard, trying to do what, he didn’t even know himself.

“So, you’re still friends with Jonghoon, then?” Johnny asked suddenly.

Mark nodded. “He’s dating Heechul Hyung now, but we’re still really close friends.”

Johnny pinched his lips together tightly, focusing back on the papers in front of him. “I’m really glad about that.”

Mark leaned back in his seat. He didn’t like this, the way that Johnny seemed so dismissive of him.

“I think I should go…” Taeyong muttered, drawing attention to himself. He stood up, gave Mark an uncomfortably polite goodbye, and disappeared into the back with only a pat to Johnny’s shoulder.

Mark watched as Johnny watched him go before turning back to his work, making a note on the margins of one of his reports.

“It really seems like things have changed a lot around here.” Johnny muttered after a while.

Mark nodded. “Things have changed a lot.”

“Should I ask you why Taeyong acts like he’s terrified of you?” Johnny didn’t look up at Mark when he spoke.

Mark, however, didn’t seem to be able to look at anything but Johnny despite the surge of guilt that rushed through him. Two weeks had passed, but it still seemed like a dream whenever Mark saw Johnny again. He wondered when he was going to wake up and find out that it really was all a dream and Johnny was truly dead somewhere.

“You probably shouldn’t.” Mark responded.

This caused Johnny to look up at him suddenly. It was just the tilt of his eyes and nothing more, but the look that Johnny leveled on him was enough to send a wave of ice through his veins. He looked away, towards the door.

At that moment, the door swung open and Jonghoon walked in with Heechul on his arm. Mark smiled brilliantly, glancing at Johnny out of the corner of his eye when he jumped up to go greet his friend. Johnny was staring at his computer screen, ignoring Mark’s reaction entirely.

Mark waved when Jonghoon saw him. He watched the curious expression on his face when the older man realized that Mark was alone. He watched it morph into a frown of sudden recognition as he came to stand behind Mark’s chair, hands on Mark’s shoulders in that way Mark recognized to be protective.

“You’re here?” Jonghoon spoke, a coldness in his voice that Mark hated hearing.

He watched as Johnny cut his eyes up at the older man. “I’m here.”

Jonghoon huffed. “What are you doing here?”

Johnny imitated the huff. “I own here.”

Jonghoon’s grip on Mark’s shoulder tightened and Mark patted his hand. “It’s okay, Hyung.”

Jonghoon looked down at him, then towards Johnny with a suspicious look on his face.

Johnny sighed, finally disregarding his paperwork to look fully at Mark and Jonghoon. Mark wanted to shrink in his seat from the gaze he was given, but he didn’t.

“I’ve spoken to Doctor Lee about my presence here being an issue previously.” Johnny spoke. Mark didn’t like the sound of the formal title coming from Johnny’s voice. Johnny didn’t seem to notice as he just looked up at Jonghoon. “I was informed that it wouldn’t be an issue. However, if suddenly it does become an issue, all Doctor Lee has to do is say the word, and I’ll be gone.”

“And you better follow through with that.” Jonghoon threatened.

“Hyung.” Mark frowned up at his friend. “You didn’t come here to start arguments. Please?”

The older man looked down at him and smiled softly, brushing Mark’s hair out of his face. “You’re right, Sweet. I apologize. Shall I buy you an ice cream to make it up to you?”

Mark grinned dumbly, almost forgetting for a moment that Johnny’s eyes were still on them. “Can I get chocolate?”

“Of course. Let me say goodbye to Chullie and we’ll head out?” He leaned down to press a kiss to Mark’s forehead.

Mark smiled for a moment after the warm press of lips disappeared with the presence of the man behind him before he suddenly remembered where he was at. He slowly opened his eyes and looked at the man sitting across from him. Johnny was staring at him with an unreadable expression on his face. Mark swallowed and looked down, suddenly feeling nervous.

“Jonghoon Hyung and I always meet here on Thursdays and he takes me to my appointment with my therapist.” Mark explained, without really knowing why he felt the urge to do so. “It’s been a tradition since I first starting going.”

“Okay.” Johnny responded and looked back down at his work.

“Okay?” Mark nearly dropped his jaw in shock at the way Johnny was treating him.

Johnny glanced back up at him. “I really don’t think that your personal life is any of my business, Doctor Lee.”

Mark opened his mouth to respond, but no words could come out. He hadn’t been rendered so speechless in a very long time. He was only distracted when Jonghoon called his name from the door. Mark stood up, turned back to Johnny and gave him a whispered goodbye and and curt nod before he disappeared out the door with Jonghoon.

He was silent in the car on the ride to the Therapist’s office. He had too much on his mind to be chatty, and Jonghoon seemed to notice as well.

What Johnny had said was true, honestly. It had been five years and the two of them hadn’t left each other on good terms. Now that Johnny was back, after all this time, could they really call each other friends? Start their relationship back over from the point where they left off? No, Mark realized. He and Johnny were as good as strangers now. Something about that made his heart hurt.

Johnny hadn’t run into Mark again for another two days. He had gone to visit his mother in the hospital again. When he wasn’t working or sleeping, he was usually up there with her anyway. Mark had been on shift again that day and assigned to their section. It took Johnny by surprise to realize that the interns didn’t stay in the same areas all of the time.

Johnny had brought some papers up to the hospital to look over while his mom napped. She slept a lot these days and though she insisted that he didn’t need to be up there just to watch her sleep, he still came. Mark was in and out throughout the day. Johnny did his best to be cordial, but not too friendly. He really didn’t know exactly how he was supposed to treat Mark these days.

It had been a few hours since Mark had been in to see them, and Johnny had started to get hungry. His mom had just fallen asleep again and probably wouldn’t be awake until time to take her medicine, so Johnny decided that right now would be the best time to go find himself something to eat.

He tucked away his paperwork and fished his wallet out of his pocket to check how much cash he had. He stuck it back in his pocket as he stepped out the door and quietly closed it behind him. It wasn’t until he turned the corner towards the elevators that he realized the situation he’d walked in on.

Taeyong, Mark, and Yuta were all standing in the hallway. Taeyong was holding onto a bag with trembling fingers, watching Mark and Yuta. The other two seemed perfectly aware that Taeyong was there as Yuta held up a homemade lunchbox for Mark, explaining whatever was in it. Johnny’s heart dropped into his stomach, and then dropped onto the ground at his feet when Yuta leaned forward and pressed his lips to Mark’s.

Taeyong strangled his tears with a whine as Mark reached around and grabbed Yuta by the ass to pull him closer. He turned, pausing when he saw Johnny watching. He looked entirely broken and Johnny took a step towards him to comfort him. Taeyong shoved the bag he was holding into Johnny’s hands and took off running down the hallway.

Yuta pulled away from Mark with a satisfied smile on his face, placing the lunchbox into his hands before he skipped past Johnny, giving him a grin and a little nod. Johnny turned to say something, but then he remembered Taeyong’s expression and turned back the other way. Mark was standing in the middle of the hallway, looking very confused.

He slowly stepped towards Johnny. “Is there something I can help you with? Is your mom alright?”

Johnny took a moment to process that Mark was talking before he entirely ignored what he said. “I know you’ve changed a lot over the years, but I didn’t realize you’d also become heartless.”

Mark’s eyes widened. “What?”

“Are you really that oblivious?” Johnny’s voice rose when he spoke. He reached up and pressed his thumb into the crook of his elbow to help him find his calm. He took a deep breath before he spoke. “I know that it’s none of my business what you do in your private life, but Taeyong is still my friend. You know how he feels. How could you do that in front of him?”

“In front of…” Mark’s eyes widened, “Taeyong was here?”

Johnny deflated. “You didn’t see him.”

Mark bit his lip, looking down at his hands. “I don’t make it a habit of trying to hurt him.”

“He told me you and Yuta were a thing.” Johnny cleared his throat. “I just didn’t really…believe him.”

Mark’s brow furrowed, and an irritated expression crossed his eyes. “What? Should I have just been sitting around patiently waiting for you to come back?”

“You know that’s not what I meant.” Johnny responded. “But why does it have to be Yuta? You know how much he means to Taeyong.”

Mark sighed. “If we’re really going to have this conversation, then can we just… at least eat while we talk?”

Johnny looked down at the bag in his hands, realizing for the first time that it was a lunchbox with his name written on the top in Taeyong’s sloppy handwriting. Johnny chuckled.

Ten minutes later, he and Mark were sitting in the garden behind the hospital on a picnic table beneath a tall oak tree. Mark was picking at the food in his lunch while Johnny took a heaping bite of his own.

“The first time it happened, it was a drunken accident.” Mark spoke up suddenly. Johnny stopped eating to listen to him talk. “DoYoung moved in with YangYang, and so I moved in with Yuta. We were goofing around, watching movies and drinking. One thing led to another.”

Mark paused to take a sip of his water. Johnny could see his hands tremble, but he didn’t know if it was from nerves or something else. “After that, it just kind of… kept happening.”

“And Taeyong was just, what?” Johnny asked. “Collateral damage?”

Mark looked down. “It sounds bad when you say it like that.”

“So, you and Yuta got drunk one night and started fucking and didn’t stop?” Johnny didn’t like the way the words sounded in his mouth. “Is that all?”

Mark sighed and dropped his head onto the table. Johnny watched the conflict within him before Mark began to speak again.

“Neither of us were in the best place mentally when we started… hooking up.” He paused and licked his lips. “I knew he was only wanting to do it as some kind of twisted way to get revenge on Taeyong, but I was messed up too. I thought you were dead. I thought… Well, what we were doing made me not think about it. So, we kept it up.”

“So Taeyong isn’t collateral damage.” Johnny revised his statement. “He’s an active target.”

“Johnny…” Mark pleaded.

“Don’t you think that’s unfair?” Johnny ignored him. “He tried so sincerely to make things right and you helped Yuta break him into nothing.”

“I know.” Mark seemed to find his hands more interesting than anything. He refused to look away from them. “I know the damage I’ve done to him, but do you think I had another choice?”

“You could have not fucked the man he’s in love with.” Johnny answered through gritted teeth.

Mark finally looked up at him, an empty resignation in his eyes. “And watch him start bringing home a string of different men every night of the week? You weren’t here, Johnny. You didn’t see what they were doing to him. You took me in, and cleaned my wounds, and cared for me, once. For me, stitching him up happened every other day.” Mark paused, hands curled into fists and tears in his eyes. “So yes, if my choices were watching Yuta slowly kill himself like that or breaking Taeyong’s heart, I’ll pick saving Yuta every single time.”

Johnny swallowed as he processed everything that he was told. He wasn’t exactly sure how to respond to Mark’s story, so he just slowly took another bite of his food. After a long time of silence, Johnny spoke in a very soft tone.

“There’s really no chance for Yuta to ever take Taeyong back, is there?” He sounded so defeated; his heart broken for the two men he’d called friends for a majority of his life.

Mark looked down at his own food. “I don’t think so.”

Johnny’s heart broke with Mark’s answer. If there was one thing about Mark that Johnny knew infallibly, it was that Mark was too stubborn to give up on anyone, ever. If Mark believed something was a lost cause, then it really was hopeless.

“What about you, then?” He asked, sighing.

“What about me?” Mark asked.

“Do you have feelings for him?” Johnny asked.

Mark paused, eyes wide. He looked at Johnny, and then looked back down at his hands. “I believe you said that my private life shouldn’t be any of your business.”

Johnny gave a bitter laugh. “I guess you’re right. I apologize for being too forward, Doctor Lee.”


	75. 75 - More surprises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof it's midnight when I'm posting this one. I'm so tired.
> 
> I hope you guys like more plot twists
> 
> cause there are gonna be alot of them.

It was difficult for Mark to keep his concentration the rest of the day. His mind kept going back to his conversation with Johnny and what he’d said about Taeyong. Mark had learned to live with the guilt of someone he’d once called a friend looking at him as if he were a ghost haunting his murderer. Johnny’s words had somehow brought all those feelings back up to the surface.

He was glad that he only had another few minutes left of his shift before he could leave and he was finishing up the last of his rounds before going to change again. He only had one more stop to make, and that was Mrs. Suh’s room. He dipped in to find that she wasn’t in her bed.

“Mrs. Suh!” He called, dashing over to where she was kneeling next to a chair. He helped her to stand and sat her back down on the edge of her bed. “You shouldn’t be getting out of bed unassisted like that! It’s dangerous when your blood-pressure is so low.”

She smiled and waved him off. “I’m fine, dear, really.”

“What were you trying to do?” He asked.

“Oh, I just noticed that when my son left earlier, he left his bag behind the chair there.” She pointed to where there was, indeed, and bag behind the chair. “I tried to call his phone to let him know he left it, but his phone is inside the bag.”

“I’m sure he’ll come back for it when he realizes it’s missing.” Mark responded.

She frowned, though. “But his medicine is also in there. If he doesn’t take it on time…”

“Medicine?” Mark frowned. He didn’t know that Johnny was taking medicine. Was Johnny sick, too? Why hadn’t he said anything.

“You and my Johnny are close, aren’t you?” Mrs. Suh asked, a careful smile on her face. “Or, you were close once.”

“We…were...” Mark muttered.

The old woman smiled softly. “Ah, I was right then.”

“I’m sorry?” Mark asked.

“My Johnny used to tell me stories about this boy he met before he went to America.” Mrs. Suh began to speak with a far away smile on her face, pulling herself up into the bed and making herself comfortable.

Mark set about checking her vital signs and charts while she spoke, just to keep his hands busy. “You think it was me?”

“He spoke of an angel, with a halo of curls and universes in his eyes, too stubborn for his own good. A North star that lead him back from the darkness he’d found himself in.” She paused with a gentle smile, reaching out to take one of Mark’s hands. “He told me how he’d taken his star and broken his light. Ripped the wings off his angel and destroyed his halo.”

Mark could feel the tears starting to well into his eyes, but he fought them back.

Mrs. Suh looked up at him with this appraising look that made Mark feel uncomfortable. “You know what I think, Doctor Lee?”

“Ma’am?” Mark asked.

She reached up and pressed her bony fingers to his cheek, stroking it in a motherly fashion. “I think you don’t look very broken to me.” She leaned back again with a sigh. “My son did a lot of wrong in his past. He works every day to make up for those wrongs. And he prays every night for that angel he destroyed.”  
“He does?” Mark whispered.

“I pray for that angel as well.” She rested her head back on her pillow and closed her eyes. “I pray every single night that my Johnny’s angel will be there to save him again when I’m gone.”

“Mrs. Suh!” Mark yelped.

She opened her eyes to give him a suddenly curt look. “Don’t give me that look, Doctor. We both know that I’m not going to make it through this illness. I’m going to die. I just worry that my Johnny won’t know how to handle his grief. So, I pray every night that he finds his North Star again, because his world is going to get dark really soon. He needs a light.”

“I…” Mark looked away from the woman. “I’m not that person.”

“Can you do me a favor, at least?” She asked.

“What’s that?” Mark bit his lip.

Mrs. Suh turned tired eyes on him. “Johnny’s been living at my address since he got back. It’s on my file so I know you know it. Could you please drop his bag off for him? He can’t be without his medicine.”

Mark swallowed, that old familiar feeling of doing something stupid rushing through him. He picked up the bag and gave the patient a soft smile. “I’m getting off my shift soon. I’ll make sure to take it by for him.”

“Thank you.” She answered, stopping him once more before he walked out of the door by calling his name. “Just so you know, an Angel is still an Angel with or without its wings.”

Mark only nodded and disappeared out of the room. His stomach was in knots and his heart was heavy. His feet seemed even heavier as he walked his way towards the break room. That bag looked bigger and bigger with every moment that passed as he changed back into his light jeans and blue polo shirt. He shot off a quick text to Yuta to tell him he would be home later, and dropped the bag into his passenger seat before typing the address into his GPS.

He was glad it wasn’t on the other side of town. The fifteen-minute drive was already more than enough for him to psych himself out and put himself on edge. Then, the house itself was enough to give Mark a heart attack. It was a literal mansion, surrounded by a fence and a gate. Mark pressed the button and an attendant came to let him through the gate.

He drove up through the yard, his eyes looking out at the fountains and beautiful flower gardens that surrounded the front of the modern design of the building. He parked his car and stepped out, grabbing the bag from the passenger side.

He looked around before walking up to the front door, only to pause when a small boy nearly hurtled into his legs. He stumbled back and righted himself with the little boy giggled wildly.

“Hi, Mister!” The boy giggled. “Sorry!”

“That’s alright.” Mark chuckled.

“Are you here to see Appa?” The boy asked.

Mark frowned, brows furrowing. “I’m. um. Not sure who your appa is. I’m here to see Johnny, though.”

The little boy squealed and clapped his little chubby hands together. A moment later the door swung open and Johnny appeared. Mark wasn’t prepared for the sight of long-haired Johnny in grey sweatpants and an oversized tee shirt to appear in front of him.

“Hey, Taeil.” Johnny reached down and ruffled the boy’s hair. “Are you disturbing the guest?”

“Ani, Appa!” The little boy grinned. “I was just saying hello!”

Johnny gave the boy a gentle smile while Mark watched with wide, confused eyes. Johnny sent the boy along to play shortly after a young woman member of the staff made her way over and apologized for letting her young charge get away from her.

“What brings you by?” Johnny asked, once the child was gone.

“You have a son?” Mark ignored the question and asked one of his own.

Johnny sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Would you like to come in for some tea?”

Mark swallowed nervously, but took the offer. Johnny lead him through the entrance, through the main living area, past a huge fish tank covered in colored marker drawings, and into a massive fancy kitchen.

“Have a seat.” Johnny motioned to one of the bar stools.

Mark obediently plopped down on it and watched in silence as he hugged the bag to his chest while Johnny made them two cups of tea.

“Yes.” Johnny finally spoke after he sat down beside Mark with his cup of tea. “I have a son.”

“How?” Mark stumbled for his words.

“Well,” Johnny started, amused sarcasm dripping from his voice. “When a man and a woman really like each other, sometimes…”

“That’s not what I meant!” Mark squeaked, face turning red as he shoved his hands to his ears.

Johnny laughed. “I answered your question, you have to answer mine now.”

“What?”

“I asked what you were doing here.”

“Oh!” Mark jumped up, holding the bag out in front of him. “You mom. She asked me to bring this to you.”

“My laptop bag?” Johnny frowned. “I could have gone by to pick that up in the morning.”

“She said your medicines were in it.” Mark explained, sitting the bag carefully on the table.

“Medicines?” Johnny made a confused expression and then just because to laugh. “Even sick, that is one crafty woman.”

“What are you talking about?” Mark asked.

“I don’t take any medicines.” Johnny explained, waving for Mark to take a seat and finish his tea. “She set you up.”

“What? Why?” Mark frowned.

Johnny shrugged. “Why else? To get you over here to talk to me.”

Mark was silent for a very long moment. “She told me that you used to talk about me a lot.”

Johnny opened his mouth to speak, but paused with a defeated smile and just shrugged his shoulders. It was only with that movement that Mark noticed for the first time.

“You have a tattoo?” he reached out for Johnny’s arm to touch it, but remember quickly what he was doing and jerked his hand back.

Johnny laughed at his reaction and simply held his arm out. “You can touch it, if you want.” 

“When did you get this?” Mark asked, his eyes looking over the intricate shading of the star in the curve of Johnny’s elbow.

“About a year after I got out of rehab.” Johnny answered. “HaNa showed up at my doorstep in Chicago with this… this baby. She said it was mine and she couldn’t deal with it anymore and just… stuck him in my hands and left. I was already depressed, self-loathing, suicidal, and now I had this tiny human depending on me.”

“So, you got a tattoo?” Mark asked.

Johnny laughed. “No. First I got a needle. And I put the needle to my arm.” His smile had faded and he was looking down at the tattoo on his arm with a serious expression. “And then your face popped up in my head. I remembered that day we babysat Yoona Noona’s son together. I remembered you saying you thought I’d be a good father. I remembered the way your face looked in that hospital room when Jeno burned your hand. I remembered the way the stitches made you limp and that I put them there. I remembered that you nearly died of pneumonia because you were too stubborn to hate me and instead tried to come save me, even after everything.”

Johnny paused in his speaking to take a long sip of his tea. Mark was reminded of his and took a drink from his cup as well as he waited for Johnny to keep speaking.

“I remembered all the reasons why I fought so hard to get sober in the first place, and I realized that every single one of those reasons was you.” Johnny finally continued. “You were my North Star. You lead me out of the darkness. So, I went and I got this tattoo in this spot, so that every time I thought about returning to that darkness, I can remind myself of the light that I lost because of it.”

Mark was silent for a long moment. “You have such a way with words.”

Johnny gave an almost bitter laugh. He opened his mouth to respond, but his words were halted by a loud wail that came screeching towards them. The little Taeil, followed by his flustered babysitter, ran into the kitchen and slammed into Johnny’s leg, screaming.

“What’s wrong, Buddy?” Johnny sat down his teacup to pick up his son. Mark still couldn’t quite wrap his head around that one.

“My apologies, Master Suh.” The girl bowed. “I looked away for a minute to find the crayon he dropped and he’d climbed up on top of the table.”

Johnny sat his son on this kitchen counter and looked at him. “Is that true? You were climbing on something?”

The boy sniffled and nodded. Johnny turned a stern look at him. “You know you’re not supposed to climb on stuff. What happened? Did you fall?”

The boy sniffled again and nodded. “Sorry, Appa.”

Mark watched Johnny interact with his son, a warmth spreading in his chest at the affection he saw in his once friend’s eyes. 

“Were you hurt?” Johnny asked.

Again, the babysitter bowed low and apologized. Johnny turned to her with a gentle smile. “It’s not your fault. Accidents are bound to happen with rambunctious little hellions.” Johnny turned and tickled Taeil, making him squeal out in laughter. “Come on, where did you get hurt? Show me?”

Taeil wiped at his tear stains with his chubby little fists and held his leg out straight, pulling his pants leg up to reveal a pretty decently sized cut along his ankle. Johnny embellished his reaction, gasping in shock.

“Oh no! Such a huge wound! Well, there’s only one thing we can do about that.” Johnny looked at the boy very seriously. “We’re going to have to amputate.”

“Noooo!!!” Taeil squealed, swatting at his father.

Mark watched the entire situation when an amused expression on his face. Johnny looked up at him and their eyes met. Mark’s stomach did a flip.

“Well, I guess it’s a really good thing our guest showed up when he did, then.” Johnny looked back down as his son turned his wide-eyed face on Mark. “He’s a doctor.”

“A Docor?” the boy mispronounced the word with an adorable hiccup of tears.

Mark couldn’t help but smile and speak. “That’s right. I’m a doctor. I bet if you let me take a look at that booboo you’ve got, I can fix it up.”

“No amputate?” He sniffled.

Mark nodded. “No amputating.”

Taeil looked at Mark, and then at his father again, and then back to Mark. “Doctor, can you please fix my booboo?”


	76. 76 - Who really expected Johnny to have a kid?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously tho, who was expecting that twist? 
> 
> What about the next twist coming. 
> 
> But I have to ask, do you guys think that I should make another side quest one shot for this fic? And if so, which one of the couples should it be about? I'm curious.

Johnny watched Mark with a thankful smile while he interacted with his son. It wasn’t a large cut, not very deep. Something Johnny would have just wiped up with a clean rag and put some ointment on. He sat with a soft chuckle watching as Mark made an entire ordeal out of cleaning it and putting a bandage on it before he fished a lollipop out of his bag and held it out to the five-year-old.

Johnny ruffled the boy’s hair, gave him a kiss on the top of his head before sending him back off in the direction of his babysitter. Johnny watched him until she took the girl’s hand and followed her back out the door. When Johnny turned back to Mark, the younger man was smiling at him and it sent a wave of complicated emotions through him.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” He asked, shifting his hair into his face to hide himself.

“You really are such a good father.” Mark responded, smile still on his face.

“I don’t know what I would do without Taeil in my life.” Johnny smiled as he looked down at his hands. “I know I made a lot of mistakes in my past, but Taeil. He’s my chance to do things right. I’m not going to mess that up.”

There was a long silence between them before Johnny finally pulled his eyes up to see Mark looking at him with that strange, unreadable expression on his face. Johnny could feel his ears starting to heat up.

“What?” He asked.

“You really have changed a lot.” Mark told him.

Johnny swallowed and nodded. “For bringing me my bag, and for taking care of Taeil’s scratch. Thank you, Doctor Lee.”

Mark’s brow furrowed, lips curling down. “Why do you keep doing that?”

“Doing what?” Johnny asked, his heart thumped nervously in his chest.

Mark sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Why do you treat me so formally?”

Johnny licked his lips. “Then how should I treat you? Would you still call us friends?”

Mark paused for a moment, seeming to think about what Johnny had asked. Johnny sighed, turning his back to Mark.

“I’m not going to lie.” Mark spoke after a while, his voice soft. “Things are pretty weird right now. So much as happened, and I’m not sure where we stand with each other.”

“Well, right now, we’re standing in my mother’s kitchen.” Johnny joked, a small smile on his face.

Mark shot him a glare but smiled anyways. “Be serious.”

“Entirely.” Johnny turned back to Mark and nodded. “You’re right. When I came back, I knew that I’d be seeing you again. I had hoped that after all this time, things could be okay between us again. I’d hoped you’d forgiven me, even when I still haven’t forgiven myself.”

“I forgave you a long time ago.” Mark spoke slowly.

Johnny’s eyes shot up to him, shock written on his face. His smile was hesitant. “I didn’t think you ever would.”

Mark shrugged. “I tried not to.”

“What?”

Mark licked his lips, leaning back against the counter as he looked out the kitchen window. “For a really long time, I tried to make myself hate you. I tried to be angry. But no matter how I looked at it, I just couldn’t. It was too tiring, too difficult to keep reminding myself of what you did to me just to try and keep being mad at you. So, I forgave you and I moved on.”

“Moved on?” Somehow, Johnny was both happy and sad at the words Mark had said. He shook his feelings away and he smiled. “I’m glad that you were able to move on. And I’m sorry.”

“Apologize one more time and I’m going to hit you.” Mark snapped

Johnny turned wide eyes on him for a moment before he realized Mark’s expression was joking. He chuckled, scratching at the back of his neck.

“Okay.” Johnny took a deep breath.

“Being so formal feels weird.” Mark sighed and looked at Johnny, his gaze clearly searching for something in the other man’s face.

“I didn’t want to presume that you still wanted to be friends with me, after everything.” Johnny admitted. “I know that things ended badly between us, and things have been weird since I came back. We can’t just pretend nothing happened. I just don’t know how to act around you anymore.”

“Why can’t we?” Mark tilted his head as he looked at Johnny.

Johnny’s brows furrowed as he looked down at Mark. “What?”

Mark tilted his head, curls falling into his eyes. He seemed to evaluate Johnny for a moment before he held out his hand. “Hi. My name is Mark. I’m twenty-five and I’m almost through with my studies to be a doctor.”

Johnny stared at him for a moment, confusion written on his face. Could Mark really be serious, acting as if this were their first time meeting? Johnny’s heart pounded inside of his chest. Did this mean that he might be able to have another chance? He shook himself out of his stupor when Mark continued to look at him expectantly.

“Hello, Mark. I’m Johnny. I’m twenty-nine. I’m an ex-addict and a single father and I own a line of coffee shops.” Johnny introduced himself, reaching out hesitantly to take Mark’s hand into his own.

Mark’s hand was small, fitting easily into Johnny’s, his fingers soft. Johnny could feel himself tremble at just that small touch. He pulled his hand away and rubbed at his nose, eyes shifting around the room before they landed back on Mark.

“You know, staff is going to start cooking dinner pretty soon.” He announced. “You’re welcome to stay if you’re hungry.”

The corner of Mark’s lips twisted up into a smile. “I’d love to, but I’ve got to get back home. I promised Yuta that we would eat together tonight.”

Johnny’s expression fell at the mention of Yuta. Mark seemed to notice, as his expression turned bashful, a hint of guilt in his eyes.

“I’m going to try talking to him again.” Mark’s voice was soft. “About Taeyong.”

“Oh?” Johnny’s eyes widened. He swallowed down the sudden hope he felt.

Mark nodded, oblivious to Johnny’s internal conflictions. His smile remained hesitant on his face and he scratched at the back of his neck. “I was thinking a lot about what you said the other day, and I realized you were right.”

“I was…. right?” Johnny repeated.

Mark chuckled. “Yeah. I just… I forced myself not to confront it for long that I’d convinced myself there wasn’t anything wrong with what was happening. After we talked the other day, I couldn’t ignore it anymore.”

Johnny looked down at his feet, hair falling into his face. “I didn’t mean to try to guilt trip you or anything…”

“I know.” Mark crossed his arms over his chest. “But you were still right. I knew from the start that what Yuta and I have been doing wasn’t right. I knew we were hurting Taeyong, and I knew that Yuta was only doing it to punish him. I should never have agreed, but I was broken, too.”

“I’m sorry.” Johnny let out a sigh, and then a hiss of pain when the back side of Mark’s hand hit his shoulder. He rubbed the spot with wide eyes as he looked at Mark.

“I told you if you said you were sorry again, I would hit you.” Mark reminded him, his frown morphing slowly into an amused smile.

Johnny found himself smiling back. “Sorry.”

Mark moved to hit Johnny again, but he back up with a laugh. Mark chuckled as well. Johnny leaned against the counter while he watched Mark, their short moment of laughter dying back down into a serious mood.

Mark sighed, ruffling his hair. “I’m not ready for this conversation.”

Johnny swallowed, looking towards Mark. “Do you have feelings for Yuta?”

Mark’s head whipped up to focus wide eyes on him so quickly that Johnny felt he could have gotten whiplash from it.

“I only see him as a friend.” Mark’s voice was sure as he spoke, his eyes not leaving Johnny’s. Johnny just wished that he could read the emotions in them.

“What about him?” Johnny asked, heart in his throat. Yuta had been in love with Taeyong so deeply that Johnny had never imagined he’d ever fall for anyone else after that. Now, though, the way that he’d watched the man treat his friend, Johnny suddenly felt very concerned that Yuta’s interests may have shifted.

Mark licked his lips, watching Johnny’s hands. He let out a heavy sigh and pushed himself away from the counter, stepping away from Johnny. Johnny instinctively moved to step closer to him.

“I don’t know what Yuta thinks anymore.” Mark admitted. “Every since he got out of the hospital; he hadn’t been the same. I’m not sure that he really processed what all happened.”

“Do you think he still loves Taeyong?” Johnny asked.

Mark paused, looking back over his shoulder at Johnny, his expression unreadable. “Do you think it’s possible to continue loving someone who hurt you so deeply?”

Johnny paused, swallowed, and blinked. “It’s love.” He answered. “Anything is possible.”

Johnny watched as Mark slowly turned around to face him once more. The smile on his face was curious and almost sad. Johnny didn’t know what to make of that. Mark blinked up at Johnny, making him shift nervously on his feet.

“I think he still loves him.” Mark spoke, his voice soft. “Even though he was hurt a lot. I think he’d just afraid of confronting those feelings again because he’s scared of being hurt again.”

Johnny shrank under Mark’s gaze and suddenly he wasn’t so sure anymore if they were still talking about Yuta. Johnny thought for a moment and then responded as carefully as he could.

“I get why he would be scared.” He said. “After what happened to him, it’s natural that he would be afraid of getting hurt again. But I think, if he were to give it a chance, things would work out.”

Mark licked his lips. Johnny watched the movement as if it were in slow motion. “He might be more willing to accept that, if he was shown that things really had changed. Right now, though, he’s having trouble believing it’s possible.”

“Give him time.” Johnny answered. “He’ll see that everything can work out. That people can change.”

Mark was smiling and it sent some kind of butterflies through Johnny’s stomach. Johnny found himself looking away again, scratching at his nose.

“I guess I should be going.” Mark muttered after a while. “Yuta is waiting.”

Johnny nodded. “I’ll walk you out.”

He fell into step beside Mark as they walked back through the house to the front door. Johnny watched out of the corner of his eye as Mark surveyed the house as they walked.

“I had assumed that your parents had a lot of money.” Mark spoke as he eyed a shelf with a golden statue of Buddha. “But I don’t think my mind was quite ready to come to terms with just how rich you are.”

Johnny chuckled, an embarrassed flush coming to his cheeks. He tucked some of his hair behind his ear. Not for the first time, Mark held back from wanting to reach out to feel the soft strands of it for himself.

“Oh, really?” Johnny’s lips turned up in a shy smile. “I guess I never really thought about it.”

“This house is massive, and everything looks so expensive.” Mark responded. “And you even have staff to help you take care of the cooking and the cleaning and your son.”

“I’m very fortunate.” Johnny responded. “My parents worked really hard to make all of this possible for me. That’s why I had to come back.”

Mark paused. They were at the front door, but he really wasn’t ready to leave yet. Johnny hovered with his hand on the door, continuing to talk.

“After dad died two years ago, Mom has been taking care of everything by herself. Now she’s sick, too.” Johnny paused, swallowing back the emotion in his voice. For a moment, Mark could see the fear in his eyes. Then he schooled is expression and looked back at Mark. “She’s done so much for me, and supported me no matter what. She never gave up on me. Not when I went to jail, not when she found out about the drugs, not when she found out about my…sexuality.”

The last statement caught Mark’s attention and he looked up at Johnny with curious wide eyes. An almost teasing smile appeared on his face. “I thought you weren’t gay.”

Johnny laughed at this, then looked at Mark with a hesitant smile. “I’m not. But, I’m not exactly straight either.”

“You’ve thought about this, huh?” Mark asked.

Johnny nodded. “To be honest, there’s really only ever been one man that I felt that way about. But I did a lot of searching and questioning, and I was finally able to come to terms with calling myself bisexual.”

“That’s good.” Mark found himself nodded. “It’s really good that you were able to figure things out.”

Johnny’s smile nearly blinded Mark, sending a jolt of fire through him. He looked back down at his hands. “Are you… Will you be at the bookstore tomorrow?”

Johnny tilted his head curiously, his smile softening. “I was planning on taking Taeil by to meet everyone in the afternoon when he’s finished his studies.”

Mark nodded. “I finish at the hospital around three tomorrow.”

“Will you be coming to the coffee shop?” Johnny shifted his weight, hand twisting the doorknob but not quite opening it.

Mark felt a flutter in his chest, almost amused by how the two of them stood there like two flirting high schoolers. For a moment, he could imagine that things had happened differently between them. For a moment, he could forget the nightmares he pretended not to have and the anxiety medicine he still had to take. For a moment, he could just stand there and smile at Johnny and wonder what it would be like to lean up and press their lips together like it was the first time.

“Mark?” Johnny’s voice brought him out of his thoughts.

“Oh, um. Yeah.” He grinned, scratching behind his ear awkwardly. “Sorry, I spaced out. Yeah, I’ll be coming by the coffee shop when I’m off work. Jonghoon Hyung is going to give me a ride because he’s going to pick up Heechul Hyung.”

“Are those two…” Johnny trailed off.

“Dating.” Mark grinned. “For the last four years. They’re really good together.”

Johnny chuckled and the door opened when he shifted, warm air blowing past them. “I had wondered, when I was coming back. I thought maybe you and he might have…”

“Me and Jonghoon?” Mark’s eyes widened. He could feel the flush on his face. “It wouldn’t have worked out.”

“Why not? You guys seemed so great together.” Johnny bit his lip, as if he were trying not to say anything further.

Mark just chuckled once more. “I’m not going to lie, we did try. But we realized that we were better off just as friends. I wasn’t in love with him, and he was only in love with the idea of having someone to take care of.”

“I see.” Johnny swallowed, eyes following a path out of the house and to Mark’s car. It was a black Civic, nothing as fancy as Johnny’s Porsche, but it was still a nice, clean car.

“I really should be going.” Mark stated again.

Johnny nodded and gave him a smile. “I’ll be seeing you tomorrow, then.”

“Tomorrow.” Mark confirmed with a soft smile, forcing himself to turn away from Johnny and finally walk back to his car. He sighed as he started the engines. He had a long, difficult conversation ahead of him now.


	77. 77 - I wrote a one shot on a different site.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, hurricane Laura took out my power for a week, so it's been a while since I could update. 
> 
> Also, one of my friends and I were talking about EXO ships, and I got this idea and so I wrote her a fic. I'm not cross-posting it like I'm doing this story, but if you want to read it here's a link to the story on the other site it's posted on. https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1457990/jealousy
> 
> (PS. to all the people who were complaining about the toxic relationship in this story, I really suggest you don't look at any of the other stories I have posted on that site, you won't like them.   
> To the rest of you, if you like this story, take a look at some of the others in my story list from that site!)

Johnny was glad that Taeyong hadn’t moved since the last time that he’d been in the country. It made it easier to find his place that evening, after Taeil had been put to bed and left with one of the maids to watch him. Johnny pounded on Taeyong’s apartment door when he didn’t answer his phone.

He shifted his weight from foot to foot while he listened to the rustling inside of the apartment. Eventually, the door creaked open. Taeyong peeked out from the door with tired eyes and a confused frown on his face.

“Johnny?” His voice was scratchy “What are you doing here?”

“I came because I needed to talk to you.” He responded.

Taeyong seemed to think for a while before he sighed, running a hand through his greasy blonde hair. He stepped to the side and let the door open so that Johnny could walk inside. The sight he found surprised him. The once beautiful apartment had been trashed. Bags of garbage and broken furniture lined the walls. Take out containers and empty bottles of beer covered nearly every surface. Some of the lights didn’t even have bulbs, and all the windows had been covered in foil so that the apartment was eerily dark.

“What happened?” Johnny asked, stepping over a broken picture frame as he followed Taeyong into the living room.

“I just haven’t cleaned in a while.” Taeyong answered, moving a cardboard pizza box off the couch.

Johnny bit his lip, but sat down next to his friend anyway. Taeyong picked up a shoebox from the table and curled up on the only clean spot on the couch with it in his lap. He seemed to notice Johnny’s curious expression because he looked down at the box and gently stroked it.

“It’s all I’ve got left.” He muttered. “Pictures.”

“Yuta.” Johnny said.

Taeyong looked like he’d been stabbed in the gut at the mention of the name, despite the smile and the nod he gave.

Johnny sighed again. “What happened, Tae?”

Taeyong whimpered, a frown making its way onto his face. He hugged the box closer to himself. “He doesn’t want me anymore.”

“But what happened?”

Taeyong swallowed, reaching out for a beer bottle on the table. He threw it back and then looked back down at the box. “He came back from recovery and I tried to make things right. I tried so hard, but he wouldn’t even look at me. You’ve seen how he treats me, like I don’t even exist.”

Taeyong paused, letting out a sudden, high laugh. It set the hairs on Johnny’s arms on end, like the laugh of a man who wasn’t entirely sane. “I can’t even blame him, after how far I pushed him.”

“Taeyong, are you…okay?” Johnny asked carefully.

Taeyong leveled him with a tired stare. “I haven’t been alright in a long time.”

Johnny nodded, leaning forward. “I wanted to come talk to you because I’ve been worried about you.”

“Everything’s so fucked up, John.” Taeyong’s voice wavered, his expression desperate. “It’s like everyone else got happy endings but me. You got clean, YangYang and DoYoung are practically married. Jonghoon and Heechul. Even Yuta’s happy with Mark. I’m the only one that ended up fucked.”

“You think Yuta is happy with Mark?” Johnny asked.

Taeyong froze for a moment. He seemed to hesitate before he looked up at Johnny. “I almost forgot…you and Mark.”

“We’re not talking about Mark and I right now.” Johnny responded. “Why do you think Yuta is happy with Mark.”

Taeyong’s shoulders dropped. His fingers played with the corner of the box. “He makes it obvious, doesn’t he? Always hugging him, holding his hand, bringing him food. All the things he used to do for… for me.”

Johnny bit his lip. He hated the way his friend sounded, like he had given up on life itself. For a moment, he didn’t know if he should continue with the conversation he wanted to have. Taeyong was obviously depressed and heartbroken. He gave a light sigh and studied his friend.

“Have you ever thought about, I don’t know, moving on? Finding someone else?” Johnny asked.

“No!” The blind panic in Taeyong’s voice startled Johnny. His hair flung as he shook his head wildly. “There’s no one else for me. There never will be. Yuta is my everything.”

“Even though he’s moved on?” Johnny pushed. “You still choose this? Even though it hurts?”

Taeyong looked down at the box in his arms, lip trembling. After a while, he looked up at Johnny with a curious expression on his face.

“Have you given up on Mark?” He asked. “After all these years?”

Johnny couldn’t respond. His lips pressed together in a thin line and he looked at Taeyong from behind the long strands of his hair.

Taeyong straightened up in his spot. “Yuta is the best thing that ever happened to me. He made me a better person. I love him. I’ll never love anyone else. I’ll never be with anyone else. Even if he moves on, I’ll always love him. Even if it kills me.”

“Mark came to see me today.” Johnny said the words at barely a whisper, looking down at his hands instead of at Taeyong. “He said he’s going to end things with Yuta.”

Taeyong’s eyes widened. “He… He… what? Why?”

Johnny pushed his hair out of his face. “He says its because he doesn’t want to hurt you anymore.”

“It’s been three years.” Taeyong’s voice wavered again on the verge of tears. “Why now?”

“Why did all of you let him believe I was dead, even when you all knew I was alive?” Johnny countered.

A guilty expression came over Taeyong’s face. “We thought it was for the best. He needed to move on. Johnny, you don’t know what he was like…”

“What was he like?” Johnny asked.

Taeyong let out a heavy sigh. “He refused to accept that you were gone. It was really sad to watch. Everything he did, he was constantly waiting for you to come back. He talked to you when you weren’t there. We thought about having him committed for a while. Letting him think you had died… It was the easiest way.”

Johnny nodded. “I guess I can understand. Well, not really. After everything I did, Why would he want me to come back?”

“Because he’s in love with you still, obviously.” Taeyong answered. “You fucked up. Seriously, you fucked up on a global scale. “

“I know that.” Johnny snapped.

“But you also know that Mark isn’t the kind of person to give up, ever.”

“Tae?” Johnny cleared his throat and looked over at his friend. “Do you really think that I still have a shot with him?”

Taeyong bit his lip while he studied Johnny. “Did you come here just to tell me that Mark was breaking up with Yuta?”

Johnny smiled bashfully. “I thought you should know. I think that Mark believes that Yuta still has feelings for you.”

“Don’t.” Taeyong gaped, a whimper in his voice. “Don’t say that. Don’t give me hope.”

Johnny reached forward, taking Taeyong’s hand. “I wouldn’t be telling you this just to hurt you, Tae. You know that, right?”

Taeyong sniffled, tears welling up in his eyes. “I can’t… Johnny.”

“I think you can.” Johnny responded. “I think that the both of you are still very much in love and that you’ll be able to work things out.”

“It’s been five years.” Taeyong croaked. “If he hasn’t wanted to work things out in five years, why would he now?” 

“Because he’s running out of things to hide behind.” Johnny answered. “And soon he’s going to have to confront his feelings instead of running away from them.”

Taeyong chewed on his lip, playing with the lid of the box. He carefully lifted it off and Johnny was able to get a glimpse inside of it. The box was full of photos of Taeyong and Yuta together. Taeyong picked at one for a moment.

“I don’t want to get my hopes up.” Taeyong muttered. “Mark can leave him, but that still doesn’t mean he’d take me back. If I lose him again, I’m afraid that I won’t be as lucky as he was….”

“Don’t talk like that.” Johnny responded. “I’m not going to let anything like that happen to you.”

Taeyong chuckled again, the sound unpleasant to Johnny’s ears.

Johnny sighed and stood up, brushing off his pants. “You know what, Tae? I can’t let you keep doing this to yourself. Whether or not Yuta takes you back, you’re ruining your life acting like this.”

“Like what?” Taeyong frowned.

“Like you don’t want to be alive anymore.” Johnny frowned. “You may not be slitting your wrists, but you’re still killing yourself living like this. I cannot let my best friend go down this path.”

“Johnny…” Taeyong frowned.

“Nope.” Johnny pulled the box from Taeyong’s hands and pulled him up to stand. “We are going to get this entire apartment cleaned. You’re going to take a goddamned bath and have something other than take out to eat. Then this weekend you and I are going out dancing.”

Johnny ignored Taeyong’s protests as he pushed the man out of the living room. He tucked the box away on a closet shelf while Taeyong went to fetch the cleaning supplies and the two of them set about cleaning the entire apartment. It took hours longer than he’d hoped, but they got all the trash down to the dumpster and swept and mopped and washed baseboards and dishes and sheets and clothes until there wasn’t a dirty surface left in the apartment.

Johnny sent Taeyong to the shower while he made a quick trip down to the all-night market to get ingredients, as Taeyong didn’t have anything put stale bread and beer in his fridge. He still heard the shower running when he returned and set about making something simple for Taeyong. Noodles with chicken and vegetables.

He stayed until his friend had finished three bowls and helped to clean up the mess he’d made while cooking before he returned back to his own home. He dropped by Taeil’s room when he arrived home, just to check in on him, and then dropped down into his own bed with a heavy sigh.

The next day wasn’t any less stressful than the day before. Johnny took Taeil with him to the hospital, first thing in the morning, to visit his grandmother. He gave her a stern talking to about tricking Mark, to which she only laughed and asked if the two of them were going to work things out.

Taeil recognized Mark in the hallway and Johnny almost knocked over a medicine cart trying to catch the little boy as he went screaming crazily across the hospital to attach himself to Mark’s leg. Mark only laughed and lifted the boy up to ask him how his knee was doing, apologizing to the nurse he’d been speaking to for the disruption.

Johnny apologized as well and took his son back, despite Taeil’s best efforts to stay in Mark’s arms. Mark thought this was amusing, but Johnny was just flustered by the entire situation. In the end, he muttered to Mark that he’d see him later at the coffee shop and disappeared before Taeil could start throwing a fit. He still threw a fit.

Taeil calmed down when they got to the coffee shop, pleased with the amount of attention that he was getting from Johnny’s other friends. Jaena cooed over him while Haechan made him chocolate milks. Taeyong, who was looking a lot fresher after Johnny’s one-man intervention the night before, even took out the time to sit with Taeil and help him with his spelling homework. Even Yuta cooed over the boy, though from a safe distance. Johnny couldn’t help but notice that Yuta’s eyes seemed to hesitate on Taeyong when he thought no one else was watching.

Johnny wondered how Mark’s conversation with Yuta went the previous night. The way that Yuta glared at him, he figured it hadn’t gone very well. He’d been too flustered with Taeil earlier to have a proper conversation with Mark about it, though. He figured he’d just have to ask him later.

Johnny settled down at one of the tables near the back with his laptop and files of paperwork while Taeil sat at the table just next to him coloring and sipping his chocolate milk. A few hours passed like that. Occasionally, Taeil would get tired of sitting still and the others wouldn’t mind that he would follow them around while they worked. Eventually, he would come sit back down. Once, Heechul carried him back to the table upside down while Taeil squealed in delight.

Johnny was focusing on his reports when the jingle of the door caught his attention. He looked up to see the familiar form of Jonghoon step into the shop, followed by Mark with a bright grin on his face. Johnny found himself smiling as well as he watched Mark. Jonghoon went straight for Heechul and wrapped his arms around him. Something settled comfortably in Johnny’s chest watching Jonghoon interact with Heechul that way, as if his heart had refused to be at peace until he saw proof that Jonghoon wasn’t with Mark.

Mark greeted Yuta carefully. Yuta frowned and turned away from him. Obviously, things hadn’t gone well, then, Johnny surmised. It seemed the interaction hadn’t gone unnoticed by Taeyong either. Mark just sighed, put his smile back on his face, and turned towards Johnny. His heart flipped as he watched the younger man walk closer to him. He could see other eyes in the place on them as well.

It wasn’t often that Mark would approach Johnny when they were at the coffee shop together, much less with such an inviting smile on his face. The others seemed to hesitate, watching carefully.

Mark didn’t seem bothered by them as he walked straight up to the table and spoke. “Hi, Johnny.”

“Hey, Mark.” Johnny smiled nervously.

“Doctor Markie!” Taeil squealed the moment he realized that Mark was there.

Mark spun on him with a bright smile. “Hey, Taeil. How’s that booboo doing?”

Taeil shuffled around so that he could pull up his pants leg and show Mark the bandage that he’d refused to let Johnny remove that morning. Mark laughed when Johnny told him as much.

“Well, you need to change the band-aid to keep it clean, you know.” Mark explained.

Taeil pouted. “But I don’t wanna change it.”

Mark hummed thoughtfully, kneeling down to Taeil’s height. “How about this, you let me change your band aid and I’ll give you one with dinosaurs on it?”

“Dinsaurs?” Taeil tilted his head cutely. He pursed his lips as he thought about it before he face broke into a huge grin and he nodded. Johnny could hear the cooing from his friends even from across the shop.

Mark, surprisingly, whipped out a dinosaur bandaid and an antiseptic wipe from his bag. Johnny watched in awe as Mark coaxed Taeil into letting him remove the old band aid and putting on the new one. He couldn’t help but smile at how gentle Mark was with Taeil and he let his mind run away with him, imagining Mark as Taeil’s second father.

He blushed madly when Mark turned back to him, sliding into the seat next to him and called his name. “Are you alright?” Mark asked him. “You’re looking a little red.”

“Oh.” Johnny shook his head. “Fine, I’m fine.”

Mark smiled, as if he were about to say something else, but Taeyong appeared with a cup of coffee. Mark gave him a hesitant smile, but Taeyong didn’t meet his eyes or return it.

“What are you drinking?” Johnny asked, just to break the tension.

“Cappuccino.” Mark smiled. “They’re my favorite.”

“Oh, that’s interesting.” Johnny returned Mark’s smile, ignoring the confused expression on Taeyong’s face. Johnny knew full well that Mark’s favorite coffee was a cappuccino. This whole starting over thing, Johnny thought, might be a bit more fun that he thought it would be.


	78. 78 - That took far longer to finish than I'd hoped

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... it only took like what, two months XD   
> This last chapter was very difficult to get out, esp with everything that's been going on.  
> A second hurricane, no power, lots of work. Work car broke down and I was stranded for 12 hours until it was fixed. I've been really focused on finishing this project that I'm doing as a christmas present. I dyed my hair again. Hopefully the next chapters won't take as long...

Johnny talked lightly with Mark while he continued his work. He couldn’t help but smile the way that Mark interacted with Taeil, laughing and playing and drawing pictures on napkins with crayons that Taeil found in his backpack. It left Johnny with a warm feeling in his chest, the way that Mark so easily smiled and spoke with him. He was almost able to ignore the strange looks that everyone kept giving them. Even the jaw drop from Ten when Mark patted Johnny on the shoulder as he dismissed himself to the toilets.

“What the hell is going on?” Ten nearly stumbled over himself to sit down across from Johnny.

Johnny glanced up at him and then back down to his laptop screen. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Really?” Ten asked. “Yuta gets here for his shift and he looks like he’s been crying all night. Mark shows up Yuta refuses to even look at him. Then when Mark shows up, he comes straight to you and you guys are all buddy-buddy like when you first met? You expect me to believe that there’s nothing going on?”

Johnny paused a moment before he looked up at Ten and gave him a hesitant smile. “To be honest with you, Ten. I don’t know what’s going on myself but I don’t want to question it.”

“Do you think you’re going to get another chance with Mark?” Ten asked.

Johnny’s eyes shot to Yuta at the front of the store for a moment. His gaze shifted to Lucas, who was staring at Johnny with a look of distaste and distrust on his face. Johnny smiled back to Ten once more.

“Some of you think that I don’t deserve one.” He stated.

Ten turned to glance back at his boyfriend with a sigh. “Lucas has his reasons, but I didn’t ask what other people thought. I asked what you wanted.”

Johnny could feel the pink tinting his cheeks. “ I think it’s obvious what I want.”

“If you can’t even admit it, what makes you think you’re going to get it?” Ten asked.

Johnny went to respond, but his attention was drawn by Taeil, who had climbed out of his seat and rushed towards Johnny with his cup of chocolate milk in his hands.

“Daddy! Daddy! Look what I –“ Taeil’s words stopped there as he tripped over himself.

Johnny had just enough time to move the paperwork in front of him before the cup of chocolate milk landed upside down on the table.

“Oh no!” Taeil shrieked when Johnny pushed his chair back, chocolate milk all over the front of his shirt. “Daddy! I’m sorry!”

Johnny chuckled, turning to ruffle Taeil’s hair. “It’s alright, buddy. It was an accident.”

Taeil sniffled, eyes welling up with tears. “I didn’t mean to…”

“I know, Taeil.” Johnny smiled at his son. “Hey, why don’t you stay here with Ten for a bit so daddy can go clean up, alright?”

Taeil wiped at his eyes and turned to look at Ten. Ten, thankfully, gave him a big smile and asked Taeil about his drawings. When his son was thouroughly distracted, Johnny spun around to head towards the bathroom, picking at his shirt. The chocolate milk was sticky and wet against his skin.

He hurried into the back, to the bathroom, and pushed the door open.

“Johnny?” Mark’s voice startled him.

“Oh. Um, Taeil spilled his chocolate milk on me.” Johnny explained, walking up to the sink next to where Mark had been washing his hands.

Mark looked at him appraisingly. “Do you want me to help you clean that up? Before a stain sets in?”

Johnny nodded. “Thanks.”

Mark paused for a moment, then he reached up and started undoing the buttons on Johnny’s shirt. Johnny jumped, startled. Mark didn’t meet his eyes, but he gave an amused chuckled.

“I can’t clean the shirt when you’re still in it.” Mark said.

Johnny nodded. He stood still as he watched Mark carefully unbutton his shirt, sliding it down his shoulders. For the briefest of moments, Johnny allowed himself a long forgotten memory. He stepped back once the shirt was off, not meeting Marks eyes.

“I’ll clean this up, you should wipe yourself off.” Mark turned away from Johnny.

Johnny grabbed some paper towels, wet them, and started to dab himself off. He watched as Mark carefully cleaned the stain beneath the sink.

“Mark?” Johnny asked after a moment.

Mark paused to look up at him through the mirror. “You want to know about Yuta?”

Johnny’s lips thinned, but he nodded.

Mark sighed, scrubbing at the brown spot on the white shirt. “He didn’t take it as well as I’d hoped.”

“You broke up with him?” Johnny tried not to stare at Mark, feeling extremely self-conscious about being shirtless. Mark didn’t seem to have the same qualms, his eyes didn’t seem to leave Johnny even through the mirror’s reflection.

“We were never together, not really.” Mark reminded him. “At best, it was friends with benefits.”

“It doesn’t seem like he saw it that way.” Johnny leaned against the wall, drying himself with a paper towel.

Mark sighed. He paused in his washing to inspect the shirt. It seemed the stain had been entirely washed out, as well as it could be. Mark smiled as he held the wet, white fabric up to the light.

“It’s good that we washed it before the stain dried or I don’t think it would have come out.” Mark twisted the fabric around, wringing the water from it. He licked his lips and held it out to Johnny. “It just needs to dry.”

Johnny took his shirt and nodded. “Thanks.”

Mark sighed, running a hand through his hair. “When I told Yuta that I wanted to stop what we were doing, he yelled a lot. He blamed you, saying that I only wanted to end it with him because I wanted to get back together with you.”

Mark paused and shot Johnny look. “That’s something we aren’t going to get into right now.”

“Agreed.” Johnny cleared his throat as he responded.

Mark studied him and then nodded. He leaned back against the sink, watching Johnny through the reflection in the mirror. “It’s obvious that Yuta still feels something for Taeyong. He’s just gone off the deep end trying to avoid it.”

“Taeyong has never given up on Yuta.” Johnny answered. “It’s been killing him, but he hasn’t given up.”

Mark nodded. “Yuta’s really angry with me right now, but I think what I did was for the best. I wanted to thank you, Johnny.”

“Thank me?” Johnny looked at Mark with wide eyes.

Mark chuckled. “I don’t really think that I would have had the courage to end things if it wouldn’t have been for you.”

“Well, I guess I should say you’re welcome.” Johnny chuckled.

Mark rolled his eyes. “Don’t get too full of yourself.”

Johnny shrugged, a smile on his face as he turned around to get some more paper napkins, dabbing at the wet spot on his shirt to help it dry faster.

“Do you think there’s anything we could do?” Mark asked. “To help Yuta and Taeyong?”

Johnny shrugged. “I don’t know.”

Mark shifted on his feet for a moment. He looked as if he were about to say something and then he just shook his head and smiled. “I’ll go back out and check on Taeil while you dry your shirt.”

“Oh. Um.” Johnny shook his head. “Thanks.”

Mark stepped past him and opened the door. He turned back and smiled at Johnny. “It might go faster if you use the hand dryer.”

The door shut with a click, leaving Johnny alone in the bathroom. He sighed, deflating. The entire room seemed to depressurize around him. It were as if the room were holding its breath and only released it when Mark left. Johnny’s heart seemed to do the opposite, clenching tightly inside of his chest when Mark slipped out the door.

He took a deep breath, following Mark’s advice. He held his shirt beneath the dryer until the heated air dried the wet from it. When it was dry, he held it up to the light to inspect it. Mark had done a pretty good job, he had to admit. He could really only see the remains of the stain if he was looking for it intently.

He slipped the shirt back on, buttoning it up before he walked back out to the front of the store. He paused as he approached the table, finding Mark sitting there with Taeil in his lap. Johnny’s son was laughing madly as he drew something.

Johnny walked up behind them quietly, peeking over Mark’s shoulder.

“And who is that?” Mark didn’t seem to notice Johnny behind him as he pointed towards the person Taeil was currently drawing.

Taeil paused with his blue crayon in hand and pointed to the half-finished person. “This is you, Docor Mark! Right next to daddy and me.”

Mark laughed. “Me?”

Taeil nodded. “Daddy likes you lots, Docor Mark! And I like you too.”

Johnny could tell that Mark’s next chuckle was awkward, in place of words he didn’t quite know. He stepped around Mark, then, being a little louder than he needed to be.

“Alright.” He grinned as if he hadn’t heard his own son betray his feelings to Mark. “That little mess is all cleaned up.”

“Daddy!” Taeil immediately jumped off Mark’s lap and ran to tackle Johnny’s legs. Johnny picked him up, spun him around, and balanced him on his hip where Taeil immediately began to attempt to braid Johnny’s hair.

Mark looked up at Johnny and smiled. “Taeil is quite the artist.”

Johnny chuckled, looking down at the drawing. “He does like to draw. Is that…”

“You and me.” Mark’s cheeks flushed the slightest bit red.

“Mark! Johnny!” Ten’s voice suddenly interrupted them. Johnny jumped, remembering there were other people there suddenly. Ten either didn’t notice or ignored it. “You guys should come over here. We’re about to have a meeting.”

“Meeting?” Johnny frowned. “I didn’t know there was going to be a meeting.”

“I don’t work here anymore.” Mark stood up. “What’s this about?”

“Not a work meeting.” Ten rolled his eyes. “A friend group meeting.”

Johnny shared a look with Mark, but shrugged and followed Ten back up to the front of the store. Everyone was gathered around the counter of the bookstore. Yuta was behind the register, staring hard at a book on the counter. Taeyong stood across from him, arms wrapped around himself as he seemed to be trying and failing not to shoot glances at Yuta. Lucas, Heechul, Jonghoon, and Jaena were all there as well.

“What’s up, guys?” Mark asked.

Jaena was grinning, clapping her hands together. “Hold on, we’re just waiting for Haechan to finish up with that customer and we’re all going to talk about something.”

Johnny quirked an eyebrow, but there wasn’t really much he could do about it, curious as he was. It only took a few moments and then Haechan was bouncing on his feet next to Taeyong.

“This is the first time we’ve all been together in five years!” Haechan was grinning from ear to ear.

“YangYang and DoYoung are missing, though.” Mark reminded them.

“Actually.” Ten grinned, holding up his phone. He flipped the screen around and hit speakerphone, so that they could all see their two missing friends on the screen. “They’re videochatting for this conversation.”

“Cool!” Mark grinned and waved at them. “So, what do we need to talk about?”

“Well.” DoYoung started. “Yang and I will be back in town in a month, and since everyone is back – Welcome back, Johnny.”

Johnny waved awkwardly at the screen. “Hey, Do. YangYang.”

DoYoung nodded and kept speaking. “Well, we were talking with Ten, and we thought it would be fun for us all to get together and do something when we got back.”

“Like what?” Taeyong asked.

“Like a camping trip!” YangYang grinned.

There was a round of murmers through the group, considering the idea.

Ten spoke up. “We’ve been out to my grandparents house before, but there’s a bit of land just south of their house that’s perfect for camping. And YangYang has the equipment.”

“I have some tents, too.” Jaena responded. “Wonshik used to go camping all the time.”

“I could probably get the time off work.” Mark scratched at the back of his neck.

“Of course you can.” Yuta responded, the frown evident in his voice. “You haven’t taken a day off since you started working there. You’ve got plenty of time saved up.”

Mark sighed. “That is true. I have been working a lot.”

Johnny grinned, glancing between Yuta and Taeyong, and idea forming in his head. “I think it would be a great idea.”

“I’m not so sure.” Taeyong’s voice was quiet, but everyone seemed to stop speaking when he spoke. “I don’t think I should go.”

“But you like camping.” If the room hadn’t gone quiet when Taeyong had spoken, it was dead silent with Yuta spoke.

Taeyong’s eyes went wide and he turned to look at Yuta, who was looking as if he hadn’t said anything from the start. Johnny reached across the small distance between them and took Taeyong’s hand. Taeyong turned and looked at him. His lips trembled.

“I’ll think about it.” He muttered.

Jaena grinned, ignoring the implications of everything that had just happened. She clapped her hands together. “Alright, that’s great! Leave everything to me and I’ll plan us the best Friendaversary camping trip that’s ever been planned.”

“You’re such a dork.” Lucas rolled his eyes and laughed, poking Jaena in the arm.

She shot him a playful glare. “Don’t make me break that finger.”

“You wouldn’t dare.” Lucas grinned back.

Jaena moved at him, pulling her fist back. Lucas immediately jumped and his behind Ten while everyone else began laughing at his behavior. Lucas stuck his tongue out at her from the safety of behind his boyfriend. Jaena jerked again like she was going to hit him and he jumped again.

“Anyway.” YangYang called attention back to himself on the phone. “We’ve got some other stuff to do, so we’ll be going now. We’ll talk to you guys again later.”

Everyone said their goodbyes before the call ended. Johnny shifted while holding Taeil as everyone talked a little bit more before splitting back up. Mark followed Johnny. He could feel the younger man’s eyes on him as he sat Taeil back down in his chair and handed him a crayon.

“Is there something you want to say to me?” Johnny turned around to find Mark staring at him intently.

“I was just curious.” Mark bit his lip. “Why were DoYoung and YangYang not surprised to see you, or Taeil?”

Johnny was silent, the air knocked out of him. This was not something he wanted to be the one to admit. Mark licked his lips, disappointment in his eyes.

“See, It’s just that I noticed that most of our friends weren’t surprised that you had come back.” Mark said.

“Mark.” Johnny licked his lips. “Don’t be angry with them, please?”

Mark’s wide eyes jerked up to look at Johnny. The disappointment and hurt that he saw in those full-moon orbs made him sick to his stomach.

“They knew.” Mark’s voice broke as he said it. “They knew you were still alive and they lied to me.”

Johnny didn’t say anything as the tears welled up in Mark’s eyes.

“Tell me!” Mark hissed, anger in his voice. “Tell me if it’s true.”

Johnny swallowed and took a breath. “It’s true.”


	79. 79 - It didn't take a month and a half this time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things have been really crazy these last few weeks. I've got like a month to finish this project I'm working on, but I'm rarely ever at home anymore.   
> I dropped my brother off at the military base because his unit is shipping to the middle east soon.  
> I've been getting more work lately, but I've also been able to spend time with writing friends, which is beginning to renew my motivation to actually write (because all my time has been taken up being obsessed with Planet Zoo.)  
> But here, have another chapter <3

Neither Mark and Yuta were not on speaking terms with each other. There had been a massive fight when Mark and Yuta had both gotten home from work. Yuta was still angry that Mark had effectively dumped him – admittedly, Mark knew he was mostly just angry that Mark had insisted that Yuta still had feelings for Taeyong. Mark was furious with Yuta for having lied to him about Johnny being alive. In the end, the two of them agreed to a vow of silence between the two of them for a few days to calm down and reflect – this was something both of their therapists had suggested to them years before, and was probably one of the only reasons they were still such good friends.

It was Friday night when they finally spoke to each other again. Yuta came out of his room dressed in some tight pants and a low-cut shirt and his hair newly dyed purple.

“Mark, come out with me tonight.” Were the first words he spoke to Mark since their argument.

Mark looked up from where he was going over some reports at the kitchen table. His eyebrow rose up into his hair. “You’re going out tonight?”

“We’re going out tonight.” Yuta crossed his arms over his chest, resting his weight onto his hip dramatically.

Mark sighed. “I really do need to finish this report.”

“You need to come out with me.” Yuta dropped himself down into the seat next to Mark and took his hand. “Please, Mark? I’m sorry I lied to you. I’m sorry that we all lied to you. I just wanted you to stop waiting for him. You were driving yourself crazy.”

Mark sighed. “I understand why you did it. I don’t like it, but I understand it.”

Yuta tried a smile, his eyes on their connected hands. “I’m also sorry for the way I reacted before that. It shouldn’t matter why you’re calling it off between us. I need to respect your decision. But you’re wrong. I don’t have any feelings for… him anymore.”

Mark watched Yuta for a while, clearly not believing what Yuta was saying to him, but after a while he sighed and smiled. “I guess I can finish this report later. It’s not due until Tuesday, anyway.” 

Yuta grinned widely while Mark saved his files on his laptop, stepped back from the table, and disappeared into his room to get ready to go. After a quick shower, he found himself in some clothes that Yuta had once insisted he get – clubbing clothes weren’t really Mark’s aesthetic, but he wasn’t going to deny that his ass looked great in those white skinny jeans. He threw on a large black button up with sheer sleeves and some black boots with a few accessories and let Yuta style his hair up and away from his forehead, even letting him apply a little bit of eyeliner.

They took Yuta’s car to the bar, a place that Mark and Yuta had never gone to before. Usually, when Yuta dragged Mark out to the club, it was some kind of fancy dance place full of neon lights, sweaty bodies packed shoulder to shoulder while half naked bar girls carried around trays of shots for people to buy.

This place, however, was a smaller venue. More of a hole in the wall kind of place. As soon as they walked through the front doors, they were greeted with a decent sized room filled with tables and a bar along one side. There were two archways, one that lead to a room full of pool tables where people sat around and played. The other door led to a much larger room with a stage at one end, several places to sit, and a good-sized dance floor. A hallway beside the stage lead to the bathrooms and a doorway that lead to a patio area.

There were nearly a hundred people there, Mark supposed as he looked around. Yuta strode in like he owned the place and stepped up to the bar. Mark followed him.

“How do you know about this place?” Mark asked.

Even in the dim light, Mark could see the light flush on Yuta’s cheeks. “My ex used to bring me here.”

Mark knew that he wasn’t talking about DoYoung. He sighed and rolled his eyes. “You know, nothing bad is going to happen if you saw Taeyong’s name. It’s not going to hurt you.”

Yuta’s smile faded a bit, but the bartender’s arrival brought it back to his mind.

“Yuta?” The woman was very pretty in an alternative kind of way. She wore a neon pink tank top beneath a ripped white tank and some black denim shorts with fishnets and clunky boots. She had an assortment of colorful piercings and tattoos. “It’s been so long!”

“Hey, Lisa.” Yuta smile. “This is my friend, Mark.”

Mark nodded politely as he was introduced to the girl. Yuta made some polite conversation with her before ordering two drinks and shoving a very sweet-smelling cup of blue liquid into Mark’s hands. Yuta wrapped an arm around Mark’s waist and grinned. “Wanna dance, chill, or shoot some pool?”

Mark shrugged. “Let’s go watch everyone dance. Who knows, after some alcohol, I might give it a try myself.”

Yuta grinned deviously, clinking their plastic cups together. “Now that’s the spirit!”

It took Mark two drinks before he was willing to get out on the dancefloor, smashed between some chick and a random guy as they all moved to the beat of the thrumming base. Yuta had been lost to the crowd a while ago. When Mark felt too out of breath to keep dancing, he squeezed himself out of the hands of whoever was grinding against him and off the dance floor. The crowd wasn’t as thick off the dancefloor and Mark felt like he could breathe again.

He smiled, ran a hand through his sweat-tinged hair, and went off to try and find Yuta. He decided to check the bar, dipping through into the other room. There were much less people in this room, where the music was quieter and conversation was easier to be had. Mark gave a cursory glance around the room in search of a shock of purple hair. Instead, his eyes leveled on a familiar pair hidden behind a mop of long hair.

Johnny was leaning against the wall, bottle of beer in his hand, looking for all the world like he was a part of the room’s décor in a ratty old leather jacket and some dark jeans. His eyes met Mark’s, but he didn’t seem to show the same amount of surprise about the other man being there that Mark did. Instead, he just locked eyes with Mark while he continued to talk to someone. Taeyong, Mark recognized the figure facing away from him.

Mark licked his lips, suddenly finding it difficult to breathe. He forced his eyes away from Johnny and stepped to the bar. Lisa moved over to him with a smile when she recognized him.

“Need something, honey?” She asked.

Mark nodded. “Another of those blue drinks, and have you seen Yuta lately?”

Lisa glanced towards Taeyong and Johnny. “Yuta went out back to get some fresh air. He said it was suddenly feeling a little crowded in here.”

Mark nodded, understanding what she meant. He must have already noticed that Taeyong was here.

Lisa poured Mark up another drink, but hesitated before handing it to him. “Now, be careful drinking these. You might not feel it right now, but these things will hit you like a ton of bricks when you least expect it.”

Mark nodded, taking the drink from her and passing over some cash. He stepped away from the bar with his straw in his mouth, taking a sip of the syrupy blue drink. He shot one more glance towards Johnny before he turned towards the back to go find Yuta.

Johnny watched Mark disappear towards the dancefloor, his heart pounding into his throat. He licked his lips, turning his attention back to Taeyong.

“Are you sure you want to stay?” He asked his friend.

Taeyong nodded, thought Johnny could see the unease in his eyes. His hands trembled around his cup of something red. “I just wasn’t expecting him to be here, but I’ll be fine.”

Johnny nodded, sipping from his beer, eyes wandering back to the door through which Mark had disappeared.

“You should go find him.” Taeyong’s voice startled Johnny, but his smile was supportive.

“I’m not abandoning you, we just got here.” Johnny frowned.

Taeyong chuckled. Johnny couldn’t tell if it was forced or not. “I’ll be fine. I should take the chance to catch up with Lisa, anyway. We haven’t spoken in years.”

“Are you sure?” Johnny’s brow furrowed.

Taeyong rolled his eyes. “Just go talk to him, Johnny.”

Johnny swallowed nervously and nodded. He promised Taeyong that he would just go say hello and come back, and then he pushed away from the wall and took off through the room. The difference between the two rooms was a bit jarring. The bar room had been mildly soundproof, well lit, and open. The dance room was dark, the music blaring into his eardrums, and ever surface filled with other people. Johnny wasn’t too sure he liked this part.

He shuffled around, keeping his eye out for Mark as he made his way through the room. A few women attempted to get him onto the dance floor. A few men gave him curious, flirty smirks. Johnny ignored them all until he could spot a familiar person tucked away behind the stage. There weren’t as many people here, a few heading in and out of the bathroom or the back patio.

Mark was just shy of the hallway, wedged into a corner by the stage. Johnny didn’t recognize the person who was standing over him and he frowned. The stranger was leaning over Mark, and from where Johnny stood, Mark wasn’t looking very comfortable with the situation.

Licking his lips, Johnny straightened himself up and pushed through the crowd until he was standing just behind the stranger.

“Hey, everything alright here?” Johnny asked, stepping up so that he could position himself between the stranger and Mark if he needed to.

Mark’s eyes seemed to melt with half-lidded relief. He nearly stumbled forward, Johnny barely having time to reach out and catch him while the stranger fumbled, obviously startled. Johnny was sure he looked surprised as well when Mark slipped an arm around Johnny and tucked his head into his chest.

“Johnny, you found me.” Mark grinned.

“Yeah.” Johnny swallowed. “I sure did. You okay, Mark?”

Mark nodded, turning to the stranger. “This is Johnny, the boyfriend that I was just telling you about.”

Johnny’s heart nearly stopped in his chest at the declaration before it suddenly hit home what Mark was doing. Pretending Johnny was his boyfriend to get him out of a tight situation with a stranger who wouldn’t say no. It was a tactic that Taeyong had used plenty of times with him in the past.

“Nice to meet you.” Johnny smiled just politely enough at the stranger.

“That’s your boyfriend?” The stranger lifted an eyebrow as he looked Johnny up and down. “You don’t seem like the type to slum it. Are you sure he’s your boyfriend?”

Johnny was about to step up, say something, punch the man in the face for the accusation against Mark. He didn’t get the chance to, though, because Mark’s response was to lean up and plant his lips firmly on Johnny’s.

Johnny gasped into the kiss, his grip on Mark’s arms tightening. Mark took that as an opportunity to deepen the kiss and Johnny was powerless to resist against it as he melted into everything that Mark was giving him. He barely even registered the indignant huff of the stranger as he disappeared.

Johnny stumbled back a bit, balancing against the edge of the stage. Mark pushed forward, slotting between his legs as his arms wrapped around Johnny and pulled him even deeper into the kiss. Johnny hadn’t had enough to drink yet to feel the effects of the alcohol, but as Mark pulled away, he suddenly felt like he’d drunk way too much that night.

Mark was looking at Johnny in the dim light with an unreadable expression masked by the amount of alcohol he’d already drank that night. His lips were kiss-swollen as he pulled the lower between his teeth. Johnny stood there, frozen in place, with a thousand thoughts going through his mind too quickly for him to latch onto one concern before another replaced it.

Mark leaned forward; his lips close enough to Johnny’s ear that his words could easily be heard over the thump of the music in the background.

“Thank you.” Hot air tickled Johnny’s ear. “He wasn’t taking no for an answer.”

Johnny licked his lips and gave Mark a carefully constructed smile. “I’m glad that I could help.”

Mark nodded, his smile brilliant on his face. Johnny pretended that his heart wasn’t breaking when he watched the smile slip off Mark’s face as realization of what he’d done and the position he was in seemed to sink in.

“Oh shit.” Mark untangled himself from Johnny and stepped back. “Fuck, I’m so sorry I just sort of sprung that on you.”

“It’s fine.” Johnny cleared his throat. He couldn’t have this conversation right now, not here, not with Mark drunk. He needed out and changed the subject with the first thought he could hold on to. “What were you going all the way over here?”

Mark’s eyes lit up again with a sudden realization. “The bartender said Yuta told her he was going outside. I was going to find him.” 

“Yuta’s here?” Johnny frowned, glancing back towards the other room where he’d left Taeyong.

Mark nodded. “Coming here was his idea. Come outside with me? Help me find him. You can say hello.”

Johnny knew he should decline and walk back to Taeyong, but as Mark wrapped slender fingers around his wrist, he could only think of the way his lips tingled with the taste of fruity alcohol and Mark.

The outside air was crisp. Johnny took a few large gulps of it after having been suffocated in that hot bar. He let Mark continue to pull him along as he looked for Yuta.

“So, the two of you worked things out?” Johnny asked, not having to speak so loudly now that they were outside.

Mark nodded, but the alcohol seemed to be affecting him even more now that he was in the colder air. Johnny reached an arm around his waist as Mark swayed dangerously on his feet. Mark let himself fall forward, face buried in Johnny’s chest.

When he looked up, Johnny’s breath caught in his throat again at the wide-eyed angel in his arms. “You re’lly sayvvv’d me back there.” Mark slurred and studdered his words out, giggling.

Johnny frowned. “What in the world did you drink?”

Mark giggled and shrugged. “Some’n blue.”

Johnny sighed. “How many have you had?”

Again, Mark shrugged. “Maybe… unno…” Mark unwound an arm from the tangle he was in with Johnny and held up some fingers in his own face, settling on a number, and then shoving his fingers into Johnny’s face.

At that, Johnny had to laugh and take Mark’s hand, moving it back to his side.

“Wha’ were we doin?” Mark pulled out of Johnny’s grip, spun, grabbed Johnny’s shoulder to steady himself, and looked back out at the patio.

“We were looking for Yuta.” Johnny reminded him.

“There ‘e is!” Mark giggled, stumbling back into Johnny’s chest as he threw his hand up to point into the corner.

Johnny was able to wrap an arm around Mark’s middle and catch him before he fell. He followed Mark’s finger and his jaw dropped. There was Yuta, of course, perched on top of a long wooden structure build onto the brick of the building that could be used as a table. He was sitting in the middle of a sea of plastic cups and his arms were wrapped completely around the body whose lips were attached to his.

“I thought Taeyong was inside.” Johnny could feel Mark’s muscles move as he swallowed thickly.

“He must have come out here when we weren’t paying attention.” Johnny could hear the awe in his voice.

Johnny watched on in shock as Yuta and Taeyong’s makeout session got quickly and more progressively inappropriate. He finally shook himself out of the shock and moved toward them, pulling Mark along in surprising haste.

“What the hell are you two doing?” Johnny hissed as he grabbed Taeyong and pulled them apart.

Taeyong’s eyes were droopy, his face slack in the way that only an intense amount of alcohol in a short amount of time could cause. Yuta didn’t look to be too much better off. So that’s what it was, Johnny thought to himself.

“What’s wrong?” Taeyong frowned. “You two were doing it inside!”

Johnny groaned. “You’re too drunk for this shit Tae, you guys are going to get into trouble.

Yuta looked between the two of them, confused. Mark leaned his head on Johnny’s shoulder.

Johnny sighed. “Come on then. You two wanna fuck, I’m not going to stop you, but you aren’t going to do it at the bar.”

Johnny wrapped an arm around Mark while grabbing Taeyong by the wrist. Yuta grabbed hold of Taeyong, and Johnny, with extreme difficulty and little cooperation, was able to maneuver them all back through the bar and out the main door.

“Wasss hap’n?” Yuta slurred, leaning against the brick from of the building while Taeyong went back to attacking his collarbone with kisses.

“I’m calling you two a cab.” Johnny explained.

“Wha’ ‘bout me?” Mark pouted, glaring at Taeyong and Yuta. “I don’ wanna go home with them. They’re gonna seeex.”

Johnny sighed.

Mark wrapped his arms around Johnny’s middle, leaning up to press a small but sloppily drunk kiss to Johnny’s jawline. “Can I come home with you?”


	80. 80 - well that was a thing that happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted another chapter you guys.   
> I'm having a hard time with my depression right now.   
> But I was able to finish up another chapter alot sooner than I thought I would.  
> And I wanna thank you guys for continuing to write and comment and show me support.  
> It means alot to me.

Mark groaned when the sunlight hit his eyes for the first time. The night before was a haze of alcohol and loud music that left him disoriented and with a throbbing pain between his eyes. He didn’t want to wake up, pulling away from the dreadful ache in his bones he snuggled back into the warm weight beside him, tugged the silky blanket up over his eyes, and let himself fall back into the dream world.

When he woke again, it was because a cold had seeped into his bones. He frowned and went to sat up, immediately regretting the decision. His stomach roiled with the need to hurl and a sharp ache crawled up from his legs. He dropped back down onto the blanket and groaned. He noticed a few things with his eyes closed, however.

He was definitely not in his own apartment. It was clearly mid-morning, and Mark’s bedroom was on the side of the building where the light wouldn’t enter until late afternoon. His bed had soft, cotton sheets of pastel blue while these were a dark silken red.

Mark squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to remember what had happened last night. He searched for the last thing he could remember. There was the bartender, Lisa, and some kind of blue drink. He remembered dancing to the pounding music. He remembered suddenly seeing Taeyong and Johnny. Mark gasped, eyes flying open as another memory flashed into his swimming head. Him, pressed up against Johnny, their lips attached.

“Mark?” Mark’s stomach dropped to his shoes at the hesitant sound of the voice coming from the doorway. “You awake?”

Mark groaned, finally bringing his hands up to rub at his eyes. He heard Johnny shuffle into the room. “What happened?”

“You got hammered.” Mark heard something clink as Johnny sat something down and the bed dipped beside him. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I got hit by a bullet train.” Mark whined, finally deigning to pry his eyes open.

Mark licked his dry lips. Johnny had seemingly forgotten the buttons of his pajama shirt, letting his abs peek out from beneath the black fabric. Mark was reminded of the bathroom several days before and rolled over to hide the flush on his face.

“I brought you some breakfast and some medicine.” Johnny cleared his throat.

With Johnny’s help, Mark was sat up and leaning against some pillows piled by the headboard. Johnny carefully sat the tray in Mark’s lap and tucked his hands back into his lap. Mark looked down at the platter. Some toast, water, eggs. Bland, but just what his hungover stomach needed.

“This looks good.” Mark smiled carefully up at Johnny.

Johnny returned the smile, but otherwise sat quietly, picking at the threads of his blanket while Mark finished as much of his food as he could before he took his medicine.

“Johnny?” Mark finally spoke when Johnny had taken the tray away. Mark was staring adamantly out the window and not at the man sitting on the bed next to him. “Can I ask you…”

“You don’t remember how you got here, do you?” Mark could hear the nervousness in Johnny’s voice. When he shook his head, the room was quiet enough to hear his nervous swallow.

“The last thing I remember was…” Mark pressed his hands into his eyes as he tried to make sense of the swirling memories. “We were kissing.”

Johnny’s cheeks flushed. “Ah, yes. Well.” He pushed some of his long hair back behind his ear. “There was some guy who wasn’t taking no for an answer. You sort of kissed me to show him that he wasn’t welcome…”

“Oh.” Mark could feel that it was now his turn to blush. “I’m sorry.”

Johnny shook his head. “It’s alright. Um. We didn’t stay at the bar long after that, though.”

Mark’s eyes widened. “We…did we… um… you know?”

Johnny’s eyes double twice the size of Mark’s and he shook his head wildly. “No! No! Of course not! I didn’t touch you like that, I swear.”

Mark frowned at the panic in Johnny’s voice. “Why does it sound like you think I’m accusing you of something?”

Johnny paused, taking his lower lip between his teeth while he stared at his hands for a moment. There was a silence before Johnny looked up at Mark with barely concealed fear in his eyes. “Are you?”

“Of course not.” Mark felt his heart ache. “If anything happened between us last night, I have a feeling it would have been me who tried to start it.”

“You did.” Johnny’s flush darkened as he looked down to inspect his fingernails. “But you weren’t actually sober enough to consent.”

“How did I end up…” Mark paused and looked around the unfamiliar room. “In your bed?”

Johnny’s shoulders slumped, as if he were trying to make himself appear smaller. “I’m sorry about that.”

“That’s not an answer.” Mark pursed his lips.

Johnny sighed, running his fingers through his hair. He glanced at Mark and then back down at his hands. “You were very… persuasive last night.”

Johnny watched as the color drained from Mark’s cheeks. “Oh god, did I embarrass myself too badly?”

Johnny shook his head. “I didn’t… nothing happened between us. You just… you refused to sleep in the guest room. But I swear, I didn’t take advantage of you.”

Johnny could feel his heartbeat in his ears, praying that his selfish misjudgment from the night before wouldn’t cause Mark to lose the little bit of trust he’d seemed to regain. It came as a shock to Johnny when Mark pulled himself out from beneath the blankets and crawled across the bed.

“Come, sit back.” Mark tugged on Johnny’s arm until he had positioned himself to sit fully on the bed, resting against the headboard like Mark had been. Mark sat on his knees just in front of Johnny, observing him with a careful eye that made Johnny want to shrink back. “I think we need to talk about some things.”

“L..Like what?” Johnny cursed himself for stuttering.

Mark reached out, placing his hand innocently enough on Johnny’s knee. “First, I think that you need to know that I’m not concerned about whether or not you took advantage of me while I was drunk. I can tell well enough that I haven’t been violated. I’d like to know why my legs feel like they do…”

“Sorry.” Johnny hoped his smile was repentant. “It was kind of hard to get you up the stairs while you were trying to put your hand down my pants. I might have…dropped you.”

Mark flushed, at first with embarrassment, then his smile turned into a soft chuckle. “I’m sorry for trying to drunkenly molest you.”

“You should have heard the things you were saying.” Johnny found himself chuckling at the memory.

“I’d rather not.” Mark groaned and shut his eyes, as if that would stop the embarrassment he felt. When he opened his eyes, he was being more serious once more. “But Johnny, I’m serious. I know that you didn’t take advantage of me. Why must you try so hard to convince me of that?”

Johnny couldn’t stop the little whimper that escaped his lips. His fingers curled into the blankets beneath him. “I just want to make sure you know. I don’t want you to hate me. I don’t want to lose your trust. I… I made the mistake once. I’m not going to… not again.”

Johnny watched out of the corner of his eye as Mark looked at him thoughtfully, considering his words. He shifted forward and back on his knees. “You’re afraid I think you’re going to hurt me again?”

Johnny was silent for a moment. “Of course, I am.” He admitted. “I’ve never been more terrified of anything in my life than losing you or Taeil.”

Mark quirked his head to the side at that. “Where is Taeil?”

Johnny smiled softly at the thought of his son. “He’s got studies today, so he’s going to be in class until three.”

Mark nodded his understanding, his tongue swiped out to lick at his lower lip. Johnny followed the action with his eyes. He tensed when Mark leaned forward, his hand sliding higher up Johnny’s thigh. “You’re afraid to lose me?”

“Yes.” His voice trembled when he spoke.

Johnny watched Mark with wide eyes, his heart thumping in his chest, as the younger boy leaned forward, weight resting on one hand while his other slid up Johnny’s thigh. Mark’s face hovered just shy of Johnny’s, making it nearly impossible for Johnny to look anywhere else but in Mark’s eyes.

“Why?” Mark asked.

Johnny swallowed. “You must know?”

“Say it.” Mark ignored Johnny’s question.

Johnny’s lip quivered. “Mark.”

“Yes?” Mark’s expression was carefully blank, expectant.

“I’m afraid to lose you because I love you, okay?” Johnny finally said. “And I screwed up and I’m scared. Scared of saying the wrong thing, or doing the wrong thing, and pushing you away again.”

Mark blinked a few times, his expression still entirely unreadable. “You love me?”

Johnny nodded, lower lip between his teeth.

“And you haven’t done anything about it because you’re afraid of scaring me away?”

Again, Johnny nodded.

“Because you’re afraid that I’ll be afraid of you?”

Again, a nod.

“Then how about this?” Mark asked, voice barely a hushed whisper. “I’ll be the one to make the moves, then.”

“What?” Johnny questioned, but he was broken off by a strangled yelp.

Mark had moved, quicker than Johnny thought him capable, until he was straddling Johnny’s lap, hands looped around the older man’s neck, faces so close that their noses nearly touched. Johnny knew Mark could feel him trembling.

“Are you scared?” Mark whispered the words against Johnny’s lips.

Johnny gave the slightest of nods.

“I’m not.” Mark whispered, hands sliding down Johnny’s shoulders, to his chest.

Johnny shivered as Mark’s fingers touched his bare skin, a careful touch that left fire in its wake.

“Mark, I can’t.” Johnny choked out the strangled words. Mark looked up and met his eyes. Johnny was sure that he could see the fear in them. “What if I lose control again? What if I hurt you?”

“You won’t.” Mark leaned forward, just enough to press a feather-light kiss to Johnny’s cheek.

“You don’t know that.” Johnny’s head fell back with a moan as Mark’s lips continued a trail of kisses down to his neck.

“If you’re so afraid of that.” Mark punctuated his sentence with a teasing bite to Johnny’s jugular that sent the interested twitch in his groin to full attention. “Then maybe I should just tie you up. You know, for my own safety.”

Johnny was shocked at himself how much his body reacted to that suggestion. He’d never been one to be submissive, much less tied up.

Mark seemed to have noticed the reaction because he was suddenly smirking, a devious glint in his eyes. Johnny whimpered. Mark leaned forward and lips pressed against lips. Johnny’s entire body froze, practically shut down at the foreign yet oh too familiar of Mark’s lips against his own.

Johnny’s fingers dug into the bedding, arms trembling to keep them there while Mark made himself comfortable in Johnny’s lap, nipping teasingly at his lower lip. He mewled when Mark rocked his hips, pressing into Johnny’s prominent erection.

Mark’s lips broke the kiss, pulling away just enough for him to speak in a heady whisper. “Since you’re so afraid to touch me, what do you say to letting me touch you?”

Johnny knew, somewhere in the back of his head that this was a bad idea. His mind could supply him with a thousand reasons why he should be putting a stop to this. All of those reasons lost out to the selfish desire welling up inside of him. He nodded hastily.

“Good.” Mark pecked his lips lightly. Johnny felt Mark’s hands move, sliding down his arms, fingers encircling his wrists. “You keep yours hands right here, ok? The moment they move, this all stops.”

Johnny nodded once more, tightening his grip on the sheets. His head was swimming with desire and this new, dominating side of Mark that he’d never seen before. It was immediately compounded by the feeling of Mark’s lips back on his, kissing into his mouth with a feverous passion. Johnny, acutely aware of his hands, surrendered the rest of himself to Mark.

Mark’s lips trailed down Johnny’s chest, fingers following in their wake to scrape and tease at the skin his lips tasted, the dusty rosebud of Johnny’s nipple, the curves of his abs. Mark’s tongue dipped into Johnny’s bellybutton, causing him to jerk up with a moan. Mark pulled away suddenly, eyebrow quirked.

Johnny looked down at him with hooded eyes and a whimper. “Didn’t move my hands. Promise. Please.”

“Please, what?” Mark asked, fingers brushing over the prominent bulge in Johnny’s pants.

“Please, don’t stop.” Johnny whimpered. “Need… please. Touch me, Mark.”

Johnny watched in longing as Mark licked his lips again, staring at Johnny as he pressed his palm down over Johnny’s erection. Johnny mewled at the pressure, at the pleasure. His fingers twitched. His legs trembled.

Mark made quick work of his pants, pulling them down to tangle around his ankles before taking a position between Johnny’s legs. He was helpless to do anything but watch as Mark lowered himself down. The younger man’s tongue darted out, running a teasing line up Johnny’s erection from base to tip.

His eyes rolled back as his breath hitched. Soft lips wrapped around him and his head bumped against the headboard. Mark’s elbows resting on either side of Johnny’s hips, hands on his thighs while he slowly took Johnny into his mouth. He sucked on the head lightly before pulling away and pressing kisses down the length, nuzzling at Johnny’s sac.

“Mark.” Johnny clenched his eyes shut tightly as he moaned out the name. “Please.”

He was already do turned on, so wound up, that he knew he wouldn’t last very long at all if Mark would just stop teasing him. Mark didn’t seem ready to stop, though, as his lips and tongue continued to give him just enough, put never enough. It took everything in him to keep his hands still, and some part of him knew that’s what the teasing was, testing the limits of Johnny’s resolve. Johnny was determined not to break.

It felt like forever before Mark finally stopped his teasing and sank his mouth down around Johnny’s weeping erection. He let out a rather loud string of curses as he felt Mark’s nose touch the skin at the base of his stomach. Mark’s throat clenched around him and he whimpered, leg muscles twitching with the effort of staying still.

Mark’s moans were positively lewd as he moved his mouth, tongue twisting around as he sucked. Johnny’s arms felt like they were burning, muscles tight and fingers clenched tight enough to rip through the fabric of his sheets. His hips moved on their own, careful and small movements as he chased the pleasure that Mark was giving him.

He could feel the tightness curling inside of him and he tried to stutter out a warning to the man making him feel this way. He barely had the words out before his vision went white and he bucked up, ropes of white hot hitting the back of Mark’s throat. Mark just sucked him through it, until he was spasming and empty.

Mark pulled away and Johnny watched as he leaned over and spit what was in his mouth into his empty water glass. For a moment, Johnny was momentarily captivated by the white substance sliding down the side of the glass before he was distracted by Mark’s hands on his thighs again. He found himself smiling stupidly, grinning.

“What?” Mark was smiling as he reached down and took Johnny’s hands, carefully peeling his fingers from the sheets before bringing them to his lips and pressing a kiss to his white, trembling knuckles.

“You still won’t swallow it.” Johnny remarked, sated smile on his face. “Some things never change.”

“And some things do.” Mark pressed a kiss to the fingers on Johnny’s other hand. “You didn’t move your hands.”


	81. 81 - All I want to do is Sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof. Again, took longer than expected. I've only spent one day at home in the last two weeks, but it's been fun. I do really like my job, I've just been ill the last few days and all I've wanted to do was sleep. T.T

Mark had expected the lights in the apartment to be off when he finally made it back later that morning. A long forgotten pang of anxiety roiled through his stomach – still rumbling from too much alcohol, despite the delicious hangover soup Johnny had insisted on making him before he left – as he stepped into the uncomfortably silent apartment.

The lights were on. All of them. The little bowl next to the front door where Mark kept his keys was on the floor. He knelt down to pick it up, inspecting it for damage before sitting it back on the table and dropping his keys into it. Two pairs of shoes were kick haphazardly under the table. Mark recognized one pair as the ones Yuta wore out the night before. The other, he didn’t recognize.

With a heavy sigh, Mark continued on into the apartment, surveying the damage. One of the chairs at the kitchen table was on its side. Mark walked around it and picked up the open loaf of bread, closing it up and putting it back into the open cabinet it came from.

The living room was a complete disaster. The couch pillows were on the floor. There was a stain that looked suspiciously like vomit on the recliner cushion. A lamp was turned on its side. Clothes were strewn everywhere. The clothes that Yuta had worn the night before, and another set.

Mark groaned. “Yuta, what the fuck.”

He vaguely remembered sending Yuta away with someone the night before. Taeyong, Mark remembered. Johnny had sent Yuta and Taeyong home together in a cab. He had been so drunk himself that he hadn’t thought about what that meant for the two of them. They were probably still blacked out in Yuta’s room, he imagined. He cringed, realizing that he’d probably have to be there when they woke up and experience the fall out of whatever was going to happen.

Mark ruffled his hair, frowning. He had woken up a little drunk still, himself. Just tipsy enough to make moves on Johnny. He felt himself blush as he remembered the morning he’d had. He had somehow not expected Johnny to take things as well as he had. The older man had been holding Mark at arm’s length for a while now, almost afraid to get close to him again.

A smile made its way onto Mark’s face as he started towards his own bedroom. He’d probably gone about it all the wrong way, but the desired effect had been achieved. Johnny hadn’t returned Mark the favor, but he had been much more comfortable being close to Mark, even going so far as to wrap his arms around the smaller man while they were standing in the kitchen talking. Talking about the _Date_ that Johnny had asked Mark on so that they could properly talk about things between them.

The giddy tingles Mark felt at the prospect of his date disappeared the moment he opened his bedroom door.

“What the actual fuck?!” The two naked men in Mark’s bed jumped at his sudden shriek.

Yuta sat up ramrod straight, pulling the blankets up over his chest. Taeyong jumped away from Yuta, nearly falling off the bed. The two of them looked at Mark with wide eyes, then at each other.

“Oh.” Mark barely registered Yuta’s whisper. “Fuck.”

Taeyong glanced at Yuta, then back at Mark. He looked like he was going to be sick. “Mark…”

Mark took a steadying breath to calm himself. He looked from one to the other with a frown on his face. He’d hoped he was going to be able to ignore whatever was going to happen between the two of them, but now that it had happened _in his bed_ , he figured there was no getting around it now.

“I’m going to go to the bathroom.” Mark was sure his voice was more calm than he felt. “Both of you get dressed.”

“Mark…” Yuta reached out for him, but Mark shut the door in his face.

In the bathroom, he splashed some cold water on his face. He’d taken a shower at Johnny’s house and borrowed some of his clothes. He flushed again, looking at himself in the mirror. He felt like crap and his head was starting to throb despite the medicine he’d taken before leaving Johnny’s. This was the last thing that he wanted to deal with right now.

“Mark?” Yuta called his name, punctuated by a soft knock on the door. “We’re dressed.”

Mark turned around and opened the door, brushing past Yuta. Taeyong had picked up the chair in the kitchen and was sitting in it. Yuta pattered after Mark into the kitchen, hovering while Mark set about starting the coffee pot. The kitchen was deadly silent while the machine brewed. Mark filled three cups and sat them onto the table with a clank.

“Yuta.” Mark ordered. “Have a seat. We need to talk.”

“I don’t have anything to say.” Yuta frowned, his eyes darting from Mark to Taeyong and then to the ground.

“Well, I’ve got some shit to say, so sit the fuck down.” Mark snapped. Both men looked at him surprised. Mark rarely cursed, but he was fed up at this point.

He glared until Yuta sat down, reaching out meekly to take one of the cups of coffee. He wrapped his hands around the warmth and stared into it as if he was thinking about how much effort it would take to drown in the dark liquid.

“Mark.” Taeyong began, staring at the table with a frown etched into his face. “I’m so sorry.”

“You fucked in my bed.” Mark frowned, taking a seat for himself. Unlike his two hungover companions, he took a long sip of his coffee before he sighed.

Yuta whimpered. “I’m really sorry, Mark. I was too drunk to realize…”

Mark shot Yuta a glare. “You owe me new sheets.”

Yuta swallowed and nodded, looking back into his coffee.

“Just taking a stab in the dark, here.” Mark leaned forward and ran his fingers through his hair. “Neither of you were planning on talking about what happened last night. Were you?”

Yuta was visibly shaking now, frown on his face. Taeyong, on the other hand, sat stiff as a board. Mark wasn’t even entirely sure that he was breathing.

“That’s what I thought.” Mark took another sip of his coffee. “This needs to stop.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Yuta frowned, looking away from Mark.

“Why are you being like this, Yuta?” Mark sat his cup down with a little more effort than was really needed. Taeyong flinched. Yuta froze, glancing at Mark out of the corner of his eyes. Mark sighed again, running his hands over his face. “We’re all too hungover for this shit, but I don’t care. I’m fed up. The two of you are going to talk your shit out and we’re not leaving this table until you do so.”

“Mark.” Taeyong’s voice was soft, devoid of the confidence and energy that it had once had. “We don’t have to do this…”

“Yes, we do.” Mark’s voice softened a little. He could see the fear in Taeyong’s eyes as the older man tried so desperately not to look at Yuta. Yuta’s behavior had broken Taeyong, more than Mark had allowed himself to realize.

“I don’t want to sit here and listen to him tell me how shit I am!” Taeyong snapped, fist slamming against the table hard enough to make Yuta flinch. “He’s already made it perfectly clear what he thinks about me. I don’t need to sit here and listen to him say it!”

The room went deathly silent as Taeyong pushed away from the table and stood up. Mark opened his mouth to stop him, but his voice was stuck in his throat. Tears shined at the edges of Taeyong’s eyes and he wiped furiously at them. Mark tried to speak again, but nothing. Taeyong turned, his eyes landed on Yuta for a moment. Yuta was staring at him like he’d grown a second head. He spun towards the door, ready to beat a hasty retreat.

“I don’t think you’re shit.” Yuta’s voice wavered, just barely loud enough to be heard, but it seemed that Taeyong had heard him.

He paused. Mark looked down at Yuta, who met his eyes with panic in his own. Mark motioned for him to speak.

Yuta’s hands shook as he wrapped them around his cup, staring into it like it was going to save him from this conversation. “I don’t think… I didn’t know you… Taeyong…”

Mark watched as Taeyong slowly turned in the doorway. “What?”

Yuta whimpered.

“Taeyong Hyung.” Mark found his voice again, soft and gentle like how his therapist used to speak to him when he was in a panic. “Please, come sit down and talk.”

He watched Taeyong swallow hard, frozen in the door way. He glanced at Yuta. “You don’t think I’m…”

Yuta glanced over towards Taeyong, hesitant to meet his eyes. “I don’t.”

Taeyong nodded carefully, returning back to his spot at the table. Once more, silence fell over the whole room.

“Thank you.” Mark said. He dropped back down into his own seat, less tense. “Listen, I know this conversation isn’t going to be easy for anybody, but I think it’s about time that it happened.”

Yuta whimpered again. “I don’t think I can do this…”

“I don’t know where to start.” Taeyong responded.

Mark looked between the two of them. “When I first met the two of you, you were both so happy. You guys were perfect together. I envied that. I genuinely believed that you two would make it through anything.”

“Well, things change.” Taeyong responded.

“Change?” Yuta’s voice rose, pitchy and wavering. “You cheated on me.”

Taeyong deflated, shrinking into his seat. “I made a mistake. I tried to apologize. I tried to make things right, but…”

“But what?” Mark asked when Taeyong tapered out and nothing else got said.

Taeyong looked at Yuta, then met Mark’s eyes. “He deserves better.”

“I deserve what?” Yuta frowned.

Taeyong took a sip from his cup, head down. “You were the best thing that ever happened to me, Yuta. You could have picked anyone, and you settled for me? I spent every day we were together just… thanking god that I could be with you and… and being terrified that you were going to realize you could do better and leave me. When I saw you with DoYoung, I thought you’d finally figured it out.”

“DoYoung?” Yuta flinched. “I left him to be with you. I wouldn’t call that settling.”

Taeyong spoke. “Why didn’t you ever tell me that you were with him before? If I had only known…”

“Yuta?” Mark reached out and touched his friend’s hand. Yuta had gone still, head down so that his hair hid most of his face.

“I can’t…” Mark could hear the tears in his voice.

“It’s alright, Yuta.” Mark encouraged.

He shook his head, ripping his hand from beneath Mark’s to wipe furiously at his face. “It’s not okay. I can’t… I can’t do this!”

“Yuta.” Taeyong called out, voice soft, full of anguish.

Yuta shook his head, pulling away and standing up. He was shaking. “I can’t! I can’t handle this!”

“Yuta.” Mark’s voice was soft but controlled. “You need to breathe. You’re going to have a panic attack. What does your therapist tell you to do when you panic?”

“I don’t know.” Yuta was stepped backwards, until his back hit the wall behind him.

“Try and think.” Mark urged.

“I don’t know! I don’t!” Yuta’s voice rose to a near scream. “I never went to the therapist!”

“What?” Mark gaped.

Yuta slid down the wall, pushing his hair out of his face. Tears streaked down his cheeks and he looked at Mark with a shamed expression on his face. “I only went to the therapist for a few months after I was released. She was horrid. I hated her.” 

“So you’ve just been pretending to go all these years?” Mark asked.

“I’m sorry.” Yuta whimpered.

Mark sighed and shook his head. “That’s something we’re going to discuss later. Okay?”

Yuta only nodded.

“Now, I need you to take a deep breath.” Mark paused until Yuta had done what he’d said. “Now, do you think you can answer the question? Why didn’t you tell Taeyong that you had dated DoYoung?”

Yuta gulped. “I was scared.”

“Scared of what?”

“I should have.” Yuta’s voice cracked. “I should have said something when we first met. I should have told you I was already in a relationship, but I was scared. You were nice and I liked being around you. I thought… I thought you were only hanging around because you were interested. I was afraid if I told you that I had a boyfriend that you’d ditch me…”

“I wouldn’t have.” Taeyong responded. “Yeah, I was interested, but I was interested in you, all of you. If you’d told me you had a boyfriend, I’d have just been happy to be your friend.”

“I wouldn’t have.” Yuta’s voice was barely a whisper. “God, I’m shit. I lead him on for a whole year because I was just too afraid to break up with him. I didn’t even love him anymore. I loved you. It was you from the first time I saw you smile. It’s always been you. I cheated on him for a whole year, and here I am getting upset at you for sleeping with one person.”

“I didn’t sleep with him.” Taeyong’s admittance caused two sets of shocked eyes to jolt up at him.

“What?” Yuta sounded like he was about to break.

Taeyong scratched the back of his head. “I didn’t sleep with him. I took him home and we fooled around a bit, but I didn’t actually sleep with him.”

“Then why?” Yuta pushed up off the floor, supporting himself with the wall.

Taeyong sighed. “I thought that if you hated me, it would make it easier to move on. I was wrong. I never wanted you to… to…”

“Kill myself?” Yuta finished.

“Yeah.” Taeyong nodded. “That.”

“I didn’t want to live without you, but I was too scared to forgive you.” Yuta spoke softly. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I just didn’t want to hurt anymore.”

“I never realized it would hurt you that much.” Taeyong admitted.

“You didn’t think it would hurt me?” Yuta stared at Taeyong with wide eyes. “How could you possibly think that? You were everything to me.”

“I’m nothing!” Taeyong’s voice rose. “I never was anything. You were smart and beautiful and you had your life together. I was living on a park bench stealing pot noodles from convenience stores just to survive.”

Mark’s eyes widened. He’d been sitting and listening silently to the entire conversation so far. This had been news to him. He swallowed.

“You made me happy. You made me feel good about myself. I liked you, none of the rest of that stuff mattered to me.” Yuta answered. “You’re smart, without a school degree. You’re creative and you’re kind and you’re wonderful. Where you came from doesn’t matter. I love you for you, not because of what you have.”

“You love me?” Taeyong picked up on the same thing Mark picked up on. “You still…?”

At this point, Mark gave a soft sigh and stood up slowly. “I’m going to give you guys a bit of privacy so you can finish you’re talk. If you need me, I’ll be… changing my bed sheets.”

The other boy boys gave Mark sheepish smiles and nodded. Mark dipped out of the kitchen with a careful smile on his face. He had hope, for the first time in a long time, that things were going to be alright.


	82. 82 - Life has been stressful lately gais

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took alot longer than I wanted to to put this out, but I've been feeling unwell lately  
> on top of that, I've been doing alot of work that's had me driving 20-25 hours at a time  
> it's really just alot and i'm very tired.   
> but I finally finished the next chapter. And i've been thinking on starting an original novel.   
> I've kind of got an idea I'm toying with.   
> but with the holidays and work and everything, it's taking longer to put this story out than I want it to.

Johnny was grinning the entire day, from the moment that he had dropped Mark off back at his house, to when he dropped Taeil off at school, to when he went to the hospital to see his mother. He had chided her for lying to Mark, but then thanked her with a grin afterwards. She had smiled gently at him, then her expression had turned serious.

“Don’t you dare hurt that boy again, Johnny.” Her voice was soft from her illness, but carried no less weight than when Johnny was being chastised as a child.

He ducked his head, hiding behind his hair. “I won’t.”

“That poor boy has been through enough without you going and being an idiot.” She reached up to stroke her thin fingers against his cheek. “Lord knows, you’re my son and I love you, but you’re an idiot when it comes to relationships, Boy.”

Johnny chuckled, taking his mother’s hand and pressing her fingers to his lips. “I’m well aware, mother, but I promise, I’ll do my best with him. I won’t hurt him again. I can’t.”

The lines around her eyes soften and she coughed. Johnny immediately grabbed the cup of water next to her bed and held it to her lips.

Once the coughing subsided, she turned her gaze back upon her son’s worried features. “You need somebody to take care of you when I’m gone, Johnny. That’s what I worry about. I don’t want you to be alone.”

“I’m not alone, Mother.” Johnny fought back the tears in his voice, choked on the lump in his throat. “I’ve got Taeil. Besides, you’re not going anywhere. You’re going to beat this.”

She smiled. That smile Johnny knew meant that she didn’t believe a word that he was saying. He wasn’t sure how much he believed the words that he said and that terrified him. He didn’t want to lose his mother. She had always been there for him, been the best mother that she could be. No matter how bad of a son Johnny had been to her. He’d only just gotten himself straightened out. He hadn’t yet had enough time to make it up to her, to make things right.

“You’re thinking too much again.” She spoke softly, bringing him back to reality.

The corner of his lip quirked up in a little grin. “Just thinking about how good of a mother you are.”

She laughed, reaching out to pat his hand. The knock on the nurse announced one of the nurses coming to check up on his mother and prepare her for another test that she was going to be having. There was a surgery to be scheduled soon. One that the doctor claimed could potentially turn the tide for his mother’s disease. She didn’t seem to think the same, but she had agreed never-the-less.

Johnny dropped a kiss to the top of his mother’s head and told her goodbye. As she was put in a wheelchair and rolled to her test, he made his way to the coffee shop. Third quarter reports from all the franchises were sitting in his inbox and he had a lot of work to do.

The shop was nearly empty when he arrived. A few customers lounged about the coffee shop with books. Some people perused the shelves. He loved this laid back environment, the relaxing chill. It calmed him. Taeyong was flipping through a magazine with a dopey grin on his face as he leaned against the counter. Lucas had looked up and given him a tight smile from where he was sorting books by the desk.

Johnny sighed, making his way back to his favorite table. Lucas had been very standoffish with him when he first returned. He hadn’t been expecting Lucas to ever be okay with him again. He was fairly certain it was Ten’s influence on him. Lucas had clearly not forgiven him, but for the sake of the rest of their friends, he was willing to be civil. Johnny would take what he could get. He knew he didn’t deserve any of their forgiveness anyway.

He dropped his bags down and pulled out all of his things to get prepared to work, double checking that he hadn’t forgotten anything. Taeyong dropped down into the chair beside him and pushed a cup of coffee across the table to him, grin still on his face.

“Thanks.” Johnny leaned down and plugged his laptop into the nearby socket.

When he sat back up, Taeyong was leaning forward with his chin on his hands, grinning.

“Aren’t you going to ask me why I’m so happy?” He asked.

Johnny fought the urge to roll his eyes. “You and Yuta bumped the uglies and made up?”

Taeyong pouted. “Why do you have to take the fun out of everything?”

Johnny laughed.

“How did you even know?” Taeyong continued to pout.

Johnny shrugged. “Mark texted me and told me what happened earlier.”

Taeyong’s grin eased back onto his face. “So are things good with you and Mark, then?”

Johnny shrugged again. He was hesitant to smile. “I think we’re getting there. We’re going out for a lunch date tomorrow.”

“I really do hope things work out for the two of you, you know.” Taeyong said.

Johnny tried not to let the smile take over his face. “People keep saying that to me today.”

Taeyong nodded, but he didn’t smile like Johnny did. His expression was serious, his lips thinned into a sharp line.

“Is something wrong?” Johnny’s smile faltered when he noticed the look on his friend’s face.

“You never saw what your disappearing did to him.” Taeyong’s voice was quiet, but icy.

Johnny looked down. “I know that I hurt him.”

“Understatement of the century.” Taeyong scoffed. “He nearly drove himself crazy when you left. He looked for you everywhere. He thought it was his fault.”

Johnny felt the sting in his gut, the wave of guilt that rushed over him as his mouth went dry. He wondered if it showed on his face. “Is that why everyone told him I was dead?”

Taeyong’s eyes went wide, the guilt washed across his face for a moment and his cheeks flushed. “We didn’t know what else to do. If he didn’t… If he kept…” Taeyong sighed, running a hand through his hair before he looked back up at Johnny with a pleading expression on his face. “He was killing himself, Johnny.”

Johnny licked his lips, looking down at his hands. “It’s going to be different this time. I’m not going to hurt him, or leave him.”

“You better be sure of that.” Taeyong responded. “Mark isn’t the same kid he was when you left. If you break his heart again, you aren’t going to get another chance.”

“I know that.” Johnny responded. “The last thing I want to do is hurt him again. Fuck, Tae. I never wanted to hurt him to start with. I was real fucked up back then.

“I mean, we all were.” Taeyong gave him a little smirk, lightening the mood a bit. “You most of all, but yeah. We were all fucked up back then.”

“You’re talking about Yuta, right?” Johnny asked.

“Me, mostly.” Taeyong admitted. “I could have treated him better.”

“You treated him like a princess.”

Taeyong sighed. “I tried to treat him well because I was always so terrified that he would leave me.”

“He loved you.” Johnny spoke. “He still loves you, even if he’s been pretending that he doesn’t.”

Taeyong couldn’t help but to smile. “I really, really hope that you’re right. I… I can’t fuck this up again. He means too much to me.”

Johnny watched his friend and the sincere expression in his eyes. He couldn’t stop himself from smiling either. “I know what you mean.”

Taeyong turned his smile towards Johnny, a chuckle on his lips. “We’re a couple of fuck ups, you know?”

Johnny laughed. “I know. Trust me, I know.”

“We’re gonna do better.” Taeyong’s expression turned serious, as did Johnny’s.

“We will.”

“Don’t let me fuck this up again. You see me doing something that’s gonna screw this up, I don’t care if you’ve gotta break my face, you stop me.” Taeyong said.

Johnny swallowed and nodded. “And you’ll do the same for me.”

“Deal.”

They shook on it, careful smiles replacing the serious expressions on his face. The conversation turned to other topics and eventually Taeyong had to leave Johnny so that he could go back to his job. Johnny settled in and focused on his own work.

Several hours passed that he sat there working on reports before Taeyong joined him again, bringing a fresh cup of coffee. He sat down, asking on Johnny’s progress. Their conversation was interrupted, however, by a small child screaming in delight and running into Johnny’s arms.

“Taeil.” Johnny glanced down at his watch. “School’s out already?”

“He was sent home early.” SooHee, the young woman who helped watch the child followed him to the table. She had a frown on her face as she looked at the child.

Taeil’s smile faltered as Johnny sat him into the seat next to him.

“Sent home early?” Johnny asked. “What for?”

“Go on.” SooHee looked at Taeil. “Tell your father what you did.”

Taeil shook his head, pout on his face. “I don’t wanna.”

Taeyong’s eyebrows rose curiously, but he quietly excused himself from the table with a small nod to Johnny.

“Taeil?” Johnny turned his eyes from Taeyong to his son. “What did you do?”

Still, Taeil refused to say anything, small hand clamped over his mouth.

“Tell him, or I will.” Soohee crossed her arms over her chest.

Taeil whined. “Noooo.”

“What did he do?” Johnny looked up at Soohee, knowing that they weren’t going to get the information out of his child.

Soohee sighed, running a hand through her hair while she held out a slip of paper to Johnny. “Apparantly, he got into a fight and punched another one of the kids in the face.”

“Taeil!” Johnny gaped at the child, who was sheepishly trying to cower into his chair. Johnny sighed, taking the paper and looking it over. The child squirmed in his seat, knowing that trouble was coming. Johnny looked up at the girl with a grateful smile. “Thank you for bringing him here. I’ll handle it from now.”

“Of course, Sir.” She smiled, bowed, and then disappeared back out the door with a soft pat to the naughty boy’s head.

Johnny turned to his son one the girl had walked out the door. “Taeil, why were you fighting at school?”

Taeil frowned, arms crossed over his chest. “I don’t know.”

“Yes, you do.” Johnny responded. “You don’t go around punching your classmates. You know better. So, something must have happened. Do you want to tell me what it was?”

Taeil pinched his lips shut and shook his head.

“And why don’t you want to tell me?” He asked.

“I don’t know.” Taeil repeated.

Johnny ran a hand through his hair, growing frustrated as he tried to get the information out of Taeil. The disciplinary paper the teacher had sent home didn’t help. It had no information on it other than Taeil was being suspended for fighting.

It took nearly thirty minutes and a crying fit before Johnny could get his son to tell him anything. He had taken Taeil back to the break room and given him a fruit cup from the fridge to get the tears to stop, and as Taeil shoved a piece of pineapple into his mouth, he finally spoke.

“Minho deserved it.” Taeil muttered.

“He did, now?” Johnny asked, eyebrow quirked as he stole a grape from the fruit cup.

Taeil stared into the cup with a serious expression on his little face. Johnny would have thought it was adorable, if the kid wasn’t supposed to be in trouble.

“He said something mean about one of my friends.” Taeil explained. “I told him to stop, but he didn’t.”

“And so you punched him?”

Taeil nodded, the peeked hesitantly up at his father. “I warned him that I would. I just didn’t want to be a liar.”

At this, Johnny couldn’t help but to let out a laugh. Taeil finally quirked a little smile. Johnny let out a final sigh, holding his arms out for in invitation. The child crawled into his arms, head resting against his dad’s chest.

“So, you punched the other little boy because you were standing up for your friend?” How was he supposed to punish his child for that?

“You want to tell me what he was saying about your friend?” Johnny asked.

Taeil shook his head. “I’d rather not.”

“Alright then.” Johnny pressed a kiss to the top of his son’s head. “But in the future, you need to be more careful at school. If someone says something mean, you don’t hit them, you go tell the teacher, all right?”

“Okay, Daddy.” Taeil nodded.

Johnny could tell that his eyes were starting to droop. Taeil must have been tired. Johnny leaned back, child wrapped in his arms, and snuggled the adorable child until he could hear Taeil’s breathing even out and he fell asleep.

He carefully deposited the child onto the couch and grabbed a throw blanket to toss over him. Dropping a kiss to Taeil’s forehead, Johnny quietly left the break room. He let the others know Taeil was in there having a nap and then sat down back at his work station. The disciplinary letter was still clutched in his hand and he sighed, giving it another read before it finally sank in. Taeil was suspended. He wasn’t going to be going to school for the next three days. His date with Mark was tomorrow.


	83. 83 - I don't even know what to do with my life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been thinking about starting an onlyfans account where all it is would be me reading my fics outloud. I don't think anyone would be interested in it, but I think that it would be fun XD

Mark fixed his jacket for the fifth time in the last ten minutes. He was shifting on his feet nervously in front of the station for the sky lift, where he had texted Johnny and told him to meet him. Mark was twenty minutes early, glancing at his watch every few moments, aware of the way that he was being watched by the people around him.

He’d put effort into his outfit that day. He had picked a nice pair of jeans; they weren’t tight, but they fit him very well. He layered a light blue tee beneath a dark blue button up that he hadn’t bothered to button. He wore comfortable walking shoes for what he’d planned. His hair was getting long enough that it was starting to curl a little bit at the ends. He played with it to distract himself from waiting for Johnny’s arrival.

He wasn’t sure why he was so nervous. He knew exactly what needed to happen. He needed to talk to Johnny about everything that had happened between them, in the past, the present, and what might happen in the future. Mark knew what he wanted to happen. He knew how Johnny felt, too. Still, he couldn’t stop himself from being nervous.

“Mark?” The voice startled him from his thoughts and he spun on his heel.

Johnny stood behind him, casual jeans and a white shirt under his favorite leather jacket. His hair was tied back, and he was holding hands with Taeil, a bashful smile on his face.

As soon as Taeil saw Mark, his grinned, screamed his name, and ran to wrap himself around Mark with enough force that the adult nearly tumbled over. Mark laughed, reaching down to hug the little boy.

“Sorry.” Mark looked up from where he knelt, greeting the child, to see Johnny standing right in front of him, scratching the back of his neck with red ears. “Taeil got into trouble at school and the babysitter couldn’t watch him. I didn’t have another choice but to bring him along. I hope you don’t mind?”

Mark drew himself up to full height, picking Taeil up and holding the child on his hip as he did. “Of course, I don’t mind you bringing your son along.” Mark responded, then turned a frown onto the child. “I do mind that he got into trouble at school, though. What’s that about?”

“I don’t know.” Johnny sighed. “He hit one of the other students, but he won’t tell me what the other kid did to him.”

Mark hummed. “I see.”

Johnny reached out, distracting Mark by taking his hand while Taeil nuzzled into his neck. “Should we go ahead and get in the line?”

Mark nodded, following Johnny into the line for the sky lift tickets while he carried Taeil. He was looking up at the ride they were about to get on with a grin on his face.

“You know.” Mark glanced at Johnny as he purchased their tickets. “I’ve been in Seoul for a long time now, and I still never got around to coming to the zoo.”

“What, really?” Johnny gaped.

Mark shrugged. “The first few years, well…”

“Yeah.” Johnny’s smile faltered.

“Then I just got really busy with school.” Mark smiled carefully, pulling Johnny onto the ride. “And there wasn’t really anyone worth coming with before.”

“And so, you invited me?” Johnny asked, fixing Taeil into the seat between himself and Mark on the skylift seat. Taeil giggled happily as he dangled his feet, holding onto the safety railing and peering over as he waited for the ride to take them into the sky.

Mark grinned at Johnny. “You and Taeil, of course. Can’t really think of anyone else who would be more fun to take with me to the zoo.”

“The zoo?” Taeil heard Mark’s words and spun around, looking between the two of them with wide, bright eyes.

Johnny poked his child on the nose with a smile. “It’s not the zoo you’re used to, Baby. That zoo was in Chicago. This is a new zoo. You haven’t been to this one yet.”

“A new zoo?” Taeil looked like he’d been given free access to the entire contents of a candy store. Mark couldn’t help but to smile at the boy’s excitement. It was contagious even though he had already been excited to see everything that the zoo had to offer.

Taeil was clinging onto his father’s arm, bouncing happily in his seat with no regard to how high up in the sky they currently were. Mark had been focused on Johnny and Taeil and hadn’t taken the chance to look down. Now that he had, he couldn’t wait for the ride to touch back down inside the park. He couldn’t help but think that they should have walked.

“Mark, you alright?” Johnny asked.

Mark looked up into Johnny concerned face and gave him his best attempt at a smile. “I didn’t realize how high up we were.”

Johnny reached over, around Taeil, and wrapped his arm around Mark’s shoulder, squeezing them all in together. “Don’t worry, we’re almost to the other end. Besides, if you fall, you’ll just land in the water.”

Mark pursed his lips. “I can’t even begin to describe to you how, from a medical standpoint, that’s probably much worse than landing on the grass.”

Johnny just shrugged and laughed, but he kept talking and didn’t move his arm until the ride had stopped and their feet were firmly on the ground. From there, Taeil grabbed both of their hands and started pulling them away from the booth.

“Come on! Come on!” He giggled as he bounced. “I wanna see the lions!”

Johnny laughed. “We’ll get to the lions soon, Taeil. Just be patient. We have lots of other animals to look at first.”

Mark nodded. “I’m hoping to get a good view of the tiger.”

Johnny chuckled. “I like the monkeys.”

Taeil pouted. “You’re all silly. Lions are the best!”

At this, Johnny frowned. Mark could tell that it was a rather exaggerated, fake pout, as he dropped Taeil’s hand and crossed his arms over his chest. “I don’t know why you’re acting all excited. You’re still supposed to be in trouble.”

Taeil immediately whimpered, wrapping his little arms around Mark. He buried his face in Mark’s side and looked up at him with big, puppy dog eyes. “But…but… the lions!”

Mark patted his head, shooting a glare at Johnny with as much heat in it as Johnny’s pout. “I know you’re excited to see the lions, but your dad is right. You got into trouble at school.”

“It was his fault.” Taeil pulled away from Mark and crossed his arms with a huff. “He was being a jerk.”

“But did that give you the right to hit him?” Mark asked.

Taeil glanced at Mark out of the corner of his eye, but he wasn’t saying anything.

Johnny just sighed, reaching down to ruffle the kid’s hair. “Just remember, Kid. You might be getting to have fun today, but you’re still in trouble when we get home.”

There was a long silence before Mark heard a muffled. “Yes, Sir.”

Johnny nodded, shooting a careful smile at Mark. Mark returned it as he held his hand out for Taeil to take. The kid wrapped his little fingers around Mark’s hand, pouting up at him as if Mark would be able to get him out of trouble.

Mark just sighed and followed Johnny into the park. It was warm out, the air starting to get just a bit of a chill to it. Mark was pleased to find that many of the animals were out and about in their habitats and not hiding away in some shelter somewhere.

They had paused when they finally reached the lions to let Taeil gawk at them through the glass for a while. The kid was distracted, listening to one of the keepers talk about the animals in the cage. Mark leaned against a wall as he looked on, smiling slightly when he saw Johnny approaching him.

“Are you having a good time?” Johnny asked, voice soft.

Mark nodded. “And you?”

Johnny took up a position, leaning against the wall next to Mark. “I keep thinking this has got to be some kind of a dream.”

“Why would this be a dream?” Mark peered up at the other man, his heart thumping. He knew the answer, but he had wanted to hear it said out loud.

Johnny’s smile turned sad. Mark got distracted for a moment by Johnny’s fingers tapping rapidly against his own knee before he looked back up. “You.” Johnny swallowed as he began to speak, his voice thick. “Me. Taeil. Having a fun day out at the park. It’s like being a real family.”

“Is that what you want?” Mark hedged.

“It’s nice.” Johnny responded.

“I sense a ‘but’ in that statement.” Mark chuckled.

Johnny let out a single laugh himself, turning fully to face Mark. He began to speak, but a high pitched shriek startled them both. It was the voice of a small girl, screaming out Taeil’s name in delight. Johnny and Mark turned together to face the boy, who was grinning from ear to ear as he wrapped his arms around a little girl his age.

“Who’s your friend, Taeil?” Johnny asked, stepping up.

Taeil spun around to his dad with a grin on his face. “This is Hyeya Noona!” He introduced the girl. “She’s in my class. But wait…” He turned to her with a pout. “Why aren’t you in school?”

Hyeya shrugged, grinning as she pointed to two older women holding hands as they walked towards them. “It’s my birthday, so my moms decided I could skip school and come to the zoo!”

“Well, isn’t that nice.” Mark smiled. “Happy birthday, then.”

“Well hello there.” One of the women greeted them as they approached. “Hyeya, have you found one of your classmates?”

Hyeya nodded at her mother. The woman introduced herself as Chaerin, and her partner as Bomi. Mark and Johnny introduced themselves and they made small talk for a bit while the kids talked amongst themselves and giggled at the lions.

“I wasn’t actually expecting to see any of Hyeya’s classmates here.” Chaerin admitted.

Johnny shrugged. “Well, Taeil sort of got in trouble at school yesterday. Mark and I already had plans to come to the park, and I couldn’t find anybody to watch him, so…”

“In trouble?” Bomi pursed her lips. Mark thought he might be about to make a rude comment, until her eyes lit up and she smiled brightly. “Wait, Taeil is the one who punched that Woojin boy in the face?”

“You know about that?” Johnny scratched behind his ear, flushing in embarrassment.

“Of course I know about it!” Hyeya spun around, hearing their conversation. Her eyes were lit up. “Taeil is my hero now!”

“Hero?” Chaerin laughed. “And why’s that?”

Taeil was frowning, tugging on the girl’s sleeve and muttering at her to please be quiet, but she didn’t seem to want to listen to him. She grinned and turn to her mom. “Woojin’s a bully. He was saying really mean things about Taeil’s dads cause they’re both boys. Like how you’re both girls and you’re both my moms, too. And Woojin said something mean about his Mark Appa and Taeil just punched him right in the face. He was so cool!”

Mark was flushed from the statement, but it was nothing compared to how flustered Johnny looked. He sputtered a bit, unsure what to do as he looked from the now hiding and embarrassed Taeil to the similarly flustered Mark. 

“Um.” Johnny muttered. “Mark’s not… We’re not…”

Hyeya pouted, arms crossed over her chest. “But Taeil was talking about Dr. Mark all week at school! He told us how cool his new daddy was and everything.”

Mark flushed and looked at Taeil. “You told all your friends that I was your new dad?”

Taeil whined, hiding behind the little girl. “You weren’t supposed to find out.”

Bomi was watching everything and decided to speak up, a careful smile on her face. “I think maybe we should head to the picnic area for our birthday cake now. I think that Taeil and his dad might need to have a conversation.”

“I think that’s probably best.” Chaerin agreed.

Hyeya was pouted, looking at Taeil. “Sorry.” She muttered. “I didn’t mean to get you in trouble.”

“He’s not in trouble.” Johnny spoke up. “But I do think there’s a conversation we should be having.”

Taeil nodded, hugging his friend goodbye. When the three females walked away, Mark watched Johnny turn to Taeil. He didn’t really know how to feel about the situation himself. Part of him was thrilled that Taeil liked him enough to claim him as a father. Part of him was flustered by the idea that it would mean him getting married to Johnny. And, yes, he knew it was still illegal in South Korea, but it wasn’t in North America, where they were both from. He shook that thought line from his mind and turned to listen to Johnny.

“Why did you tell all your friends that Mark is your dad?” Johnny knelt down at Taeil’s level, speaking to him softly.

Taeil shrugged.

Johnny patted him on the head. “Is it cause you like Mark?”

Taeil nodded.

Mark chewed his lower lip, aware that Johnny didn’t realize that he was watching them. Johnny took Taeil’s hands, looking at the child. “You know, I like Mark, too, but you can’t be going and telling people he’s your dad when he’s not.”

Taeil huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. “He could be. Just get married.”

Johnny sighed. “That’s a complicated situation, Sweetheart. It doesn’t just work like that.”

“But you like him.” Taeil pouted. “Don’t you?”

Johnny looked up, jumping slightly when he saw that Mark was actually watching them. Mark saw the flush in his cheeks as Johnny smiled at him, then looked down at Taeil. “I do like him.” Johnny told his son. “I like Mark very, very much.”

“Then marry him and he can be my daddy too!” Taeil responded, then his eyes went wide. “Unless…does Doc’or Mark not wanna marry you, daddy?”

Mark’s eyes went wide as Taeil looked up at him with wide eyes. He’d never felt so judged before in his life. He glanced at Johnny, who was giving him a helpless smile. Mark took a breath and turned to Taeil.

“Do you want to marry my daddy?” Taeil asked. 


	84. 84 - I'm glad everyone likes Taeil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've been able to plan my time more efficiently lately  
> That's mostly because I've stopped doing the driving job.   
> It was just too stressful and I had a mental breakdown.   
> So now I'm just an OnlyFans hoe XD And I'm going to start driving for Waitr in my town tomorrow.   
> Also, I might be getting a job interview soon. I talked to a guy today. So there's that.   
> Wish me luck because I'm broke AF yall.

Johnny watched his son looking up at Mark with his wide, innocent eyes. The panic in Mark’s face was as clear to see as the panic that Johnny felt at hearing the question himself. He hadn’t thought about marriage before. The last five years, he hadn’t even considered the idea that he would get married.

Mark didn’t seem to be responding. Of course, Johnny wasn’t sure how Mark would have reacted to being asked something so personal, put on the spot so suddenly. He felt the flutter of hope in his stomach at the idea that Mark would say that he would want to marry Johnny. It wasn’t legal in this country, but in both of their home countries there was nothing wrong at all with it.

Still, when Mark hadn’t responded after a solid minute, Johnny stepped up to the two of them. He dropped a hand onto the top of Taeil’s head and spoke.

“That’s not really an appropriate question to be asking, Kiddo.” He said.

Taeil looked up at him with his lips curled into a frown. “But…”

“No buts.” Johnny crossed his arms over his chest. “Apologize to Mark.”

Taeil whined, but did as he was told. Gripping onto the hem of his shirt, he didn’t look directly up at Mark, but he still muttered out an apology.

Johnny watched Mark mentally shake himself out of whatever thoughts he was having. Johnny licked his lower lip, swallowing nervously. Mark glanced at him for a split moment before he looked down at Taeil. The kid wouldn’t be able to tell that Mark’s smile was forced as he ruffled his hair and spoke.

“Why don’t you ask again when you’re a little older, hmm?” Johnny didn’t know what to make of the other man’s response, but Mark kept speaking. “Now, how about we all go get some ice cream, yeah?”

“Ice cream!” Taeil squealed in delight, clapping his little hands together as he turned towards his dad. “Can we? Can we please?”

Johnny chuckled, scratching the back of his neck, trying not to look as awkward as he suddenly felt. “Ice cream sounds like a great idea.”

Taeil squealed again, wasting no time in grabbing Johnny’s hand with one of his little hands and Mark’s with his other and pulling them both away from the lions. Johnny couldn’t help but to laugh at the child’s enthusiasm, but noted that Taeil had no idea where to find ice cream in the zoo and turned to point them in the right direction.

It didn’t take long for the awkwardness of the entire situation to fade away as the group continued on with their day. However, that didn’t stop Johnny from making a few observations. He wasn’t sure he would have paid attention had he not been thinking about their conversation and what they had yet to talk about. Small things, like the way Mark blushed when Johnny ordered his ice cream because he didn’t think Johnny would remember his favorite flavor. Or the way Mark seemed to tremble when Johnny wrapped an arm around him to keep him from falling down a set of steps he didn’t see.

They looked at more animals, went through a nature trail, Taeil squealed when Mark bought him a stuffed lion, they even ran into Taeil’s schoolmate and her parents once more before the end of the day. Johnny didn’t have the courage to bring up the conversation that he knew they needed to have.

Part of him knew that it wasn’t supposed to be a difficult conversation. He loved Mark, had loved him, probably longer than he’d realized it. After he left for Chicago, Johnny hadn’t even entertained the idea of having someone else, though he had come to terms with the fact that he would never get another chance with Mark also. It was also pretty clear to him that Mark still felt some kind of way about him.

His stomach flipped at the idea. It just seemed too good to be true that the person he had harmed so deeply would be willing to forgive him, to give him a second chance. Things like that just didn’t happen in real life. At least, they didn’t happen to Johnny. Of course, it was entirely possible that Johnny was reading too much into the situation. It was entirely possible that Mark didn’t want to be with him.

Mark had gotten sexual with him the other day, after the bar. Johnny glanced over at Mark as he read off an information panel to an eagerly listening Taeil. Mark caught his eye and gave him a short smile before he finished reading. Johnny’s stomach twisted.

He was happy. He had never expected to want to be a father, until he had a child of his own. And now, Taeil was one of the two people in the world that meant the most to Johnny. The other was Mark. And the idea that Mark wouldn’t want him back was enough to break his heart on its own.

But Johnny had to face the facts, he told himself. The logical conclusion wasn’t that Mark wanted to be with him. He had panicked when Taeil had asked him about it, that was more than clear. No, Johnny thought to himself, it was much more likely that Mark was just getting Johnny out of his system, trying to make sure that they didn’t end things on a bad note between themselves, like he’d done with Jeno.

It had been a long time since Johnny had thought about that scumbag. He’d abused Mark, physically and sexually, for months before anything was done about it and still Mark forgave him. He befriended him again. He kept him in his life, and probably would have continued to do so had Johnny not gotten so out of control and in a rage about it. Even now, years later, Johnny still felt the stirrings of rage for what the other man had put Mark through, the jealousy, the hatred. But Johnny had no room to talk, no right to be upset when he’d turned around and done the same thing.

Not a day went by that Johnny didn’t think about that night. He didn’t remember much of it, and what he did remember was foggy and disjointed, but he held onto it. He made himself remember every single detail he could of the pain that he inflicted on the person he loved most in the world. He remembered, and he hated himself for it. Remembering was his punishment.

Mark shouldn’t forgive him. Part of Johnny didn’t want Mark to forgive him. Deep down, he knew that he didn’t deserve that forgiveness. He didn’t deserve Mark, and he didn’t deserve another chance. Another chance. The mere thought terrified Johnny to his very core. There were too many unanswered questions, too many what-ifs in the situation.

What if he hurt Mark, again? What if he did or said the wrong thing and scared him? Reminded him of what had happened? What if the only reason Mark even wanted to be with him again was because Johnny had brainwashed him? Johnny was an abuser, he was scum, and Mark deserved so much more than that. Johnny was scared.

He didn’t trust himself not to make the same mistakes again. He didn’t trust himself to be anything more than the screw-up that he’d already proved that he was. There was no way that Mark would want him, he told himself with a defeated sigh.

He looked over and forced a smile when Mark motioned him over, pushing away from the wall and taking a few steps towards them.

“What’s up?” He asked.

Mark tilted his head. Johnny found himself scrutinizing Mark’s face, looking for any signs that Johnny’s fears were legitimate. Mark smiled the smile that always made Johnny’s heart skip a beat. Johnny returned the smile, feeling very much like a teenage girl on her first date.

“Well,” Mark responded to Johnny’s question as he shared a mischievous grin with Taeil. “We were wondering if you wanted to go to the tropical house?”

Johnny pursed his lips, looking between the two, trying to figure out what it was they were playing at. What kind of trick were they going to pull? After a while, he just gave a shrug and a smile and told them that it would be a pretty long walk since they were on the other side of the zoo at the moment.

It turned out that Mark and Taeil didn’t have anything planned. They had really just wanted to go see all the really cool tropical plants. Apparently, Mark had been telling Taeil about some of their medicinal purposes and also how pretty many of them were. Johnny was able to allow himself to be distracted from his negative thoughts.

The rest of the day passed more quickly than Johnny had hoped, and he didn’t get another chance to speak to Mark. He had thought they wouldn’t, since Taeil was with them. The conversation they needed to have was going to be a long one, and emotional. That couldn’t be accomplished when they had to keep their eyes on the small, over-excited child. Still, Johnny was a bit disappointed when they loaded Taeil back up into the sky lift chair to take them back across the park and towards their cars.

Taeil was whining as they climbed off the machine. “But I don’t want Doc’or Mark to go yet!”

Mark patted the boy’s head. “It’s getting late, Taeil. And I’ve got work in the morning. But I’ll see you again soon.”

Taeil whined, forcing up some tears as he clung to Mark’s pants leg. “Noooo.”

Johnny took his son’s hand and tugged him gently away from Mark. “Taeil, don’t cry. You know you’ll get to see Mark again soon. At least…” Johnny swallowed, glancing up at Mark. “I hope so.”

A moment of shock flashed in Mark’s features before he settled on a smile. “Of course. Of course I’ll be around again.”

Johnny smiled, his heart feeling a little lighter.

Taeil still wasn’t satisfied and continued to cry. “But I want Doc’or Mark!”

Johnny sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry, Mark. It’s just because he’s tired. He’s getting cranky.”

Mark shrugged, as if the child’s behavior didn’t faze him at all. He dropped down onto one knee, getting onto Taeil’s level. “What about this, huh?” He asked. “How about I walk with you and dad to your car?”

Taeil sniffled and nodded. “Okay.”

Johnny shook his head, chuckling softly to himself. Mark glanced over at him as he pulled himself back up and took Taeil’s other hand. Johnny mouthed out a ‘thank you’ to the other man, who just shrugged it off.

Taeil perked up, telling Mark all about something that had happened at school the other day. That reminded Johnny that he would have to talk to Taeil about why he’d gotten in trouble. Johnny still had mixed feelings about that, though.

Mark continued to talk to Taeil as he strapped the child into his car seat in the back of Johnny’s car. When he stood back up and turned around, Johnny felt the nerves return to him.

“Um.” Mark mumbled, looking at his feet as he tugged on the sleeves of his shirt. “I had a good time.”

“Me too.” Johnny answered. “I know it wasn’t exactly what you were planning.”

“I didn’t mind.” Mark stopped Johnny before he could say much more. “You’re a good dad, Johnny. And I really like Taeil, too. You’ve done a good job raising him.”

Johnny gave a bashful smile, not really knowing what else to do but chuckle. “Half the time, I just feel like I’m way out of my depth.”

“Well, you’re doing a great job.” Mark assured him, reaching out to put a hand on Johnny’s arm.

Johnny swallowed. “I’m sorry we didn’t actually get a chance to have that conversation you want to have.”

Mark shrugged. “There will always be another time for that. At least for today, we had a lot of fun, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Johnny grinned. “I had a really great time.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?” Mark asked. 

Johnny nodded, his smile widening. “If I don’t see you when I stop by to see mom, I’ll see you at the coffeeshop in the afternoon.”

Mark bit his lip, shifting his weight. Johnny found himself trying to think of something else to say, just to keep Mark around for a little longer. Mark didn’t really seem to be trying to leave, either. Johnny shifted, licked his lips.

“So, um.” He stuttered out. “Good night.” 

“Good night.” Mark responded, an amused smile on his face.

Before Johnny could make even more of a fool of himself, Mark leaned up and pressed their lips together. It was just a short peck, but it left Johnny winded as Mark pulled away.

“Good night.” Mark waved, taking a step back with a broad smile. Johnny just blinked, stunned, as Mark waved goodbye to Taeil in his carseat.

He watched Mark take a few backwards steps before spinning and heading off towards his own vehicle before he finally let out the breath he was holding and fell into the driver’s seat of his own car.

“Daddy?” Taeil’s voice drew him from his stunned thoughts and he looked at the smiling kid’s reflection in the rearview mirror. Taeil’s grin widened. “Doc’or Mark is gonna marry you some day.”


	85. 85 - I did a thing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't get much done on this story like I wanted to because there was a huge ice storm that lasted for like a week.  
> And I'm super broke and spending all of my spare time trying to make rent doing Waitr.   
> Seriously I'm so strapped for cash right now, I'm thinking about selling posessions.  
> On another note, stuff is about to go down..

Johnny was happy when Taeil was allowed to go back to school. He had a hard time sticking to his punishment after he’d found out that day at the zoo the reason why Taeil had gotten into the fight in the first place. Johnny could understand Taeil sticking up for Mark. It left him feeling proud of his son, but also left him with a stinging hole in his heart.

Taeil asked Mark if he wanted to marry Johnny. The idea sent flurries of happiness down Johnny’s spine. The sheer look of terror in Mark’s features when he heard the question washed over Johnny like a bucket of ice water. How could Mark want to be with him when his face showed such fear at the idea? Johnny had begun to question himself in the five days since his date at the zoo.

He hadn’t had a chance since then to actually sit down at talk with Mark, had only seen him once in that time in passing at the hospital when Mark was dashing around busy. He had begun to question why Mark had come onto him, why he had asked him out, if he looked so terrified at the idea of being with him. As he sat in the coffee shop, staring blankly at the graph on his laptop, he could only come up with two options, and he didn’t know which bothered him more.

Option one was simply that Mark was doing this as some kind of revenge plot. It was clear to Johnny that Mark had changed quite a bit in the five years since they had last seen each other. He wouldn’t have thought it possible that Mark would form such a cruel revenge plot, until he had seen the way Mark had hurt Taeyong without a second thought. Now, Johnny couldn’t be sure this wasn’t some kind of a plot to hurt him. Mark could be tricking Johnny into thinking he forgave him, getting Johnny’s hopes up that they could make things work, only to turn around and take it all from him, to break his heart.

Option two was that Mark was forcing himself to pretend not to fear Johnny as some was to prove to himself that Mark was over the trauma that Johnny had caused him. Johnny had messed Mark up so thoroughly that he thought he had to fake feelings for Johnny for some reason or other, whether it was because he wanted to prove he wasn’t as scared of Johnny as he really is or because he was so terrified of Johnny that he felt he needed to give Johnny what he wanted.

As Johnny mulled over both of these options, he barely registered Taeyong coming to sit next to him, a steaming cup of coffee sat on the table next to his hand.

“Are you alright, Johnny?” Taeyong asked, making the long haired man look up at him.

“What?” Johnny furrowed his brows, barely paying attention to what the other man was saying. He only noted that Taeyong looked concerned.

“Dude.” Taeyong’s frown deepened. “You’ve been staring at that screen for half an hour without moving and you look like you’re either going to vomit or cry. What’s up?” There was a short pause, a small shock across the other man’s features, and then he added. “Did things not go well with Mark the other day?”

Johnny blinked a few times, surprised that he’d been so deep in thought for that long. He picked up the coffee and took a sip. “Things went fine with Mark.”

“Are you sure?”

“We met up at the park. Walked around the zoo, had ice cream. It was fun. We had a good time.” Johnny paused for a moment, shooting a glance around the room before he spoke again, his voice barely above a whisper. “Taeil asked Mark if he wanted to marry me.”

“What?!” Taeyong nearly fell out of his chair when he gaped in shock. Half the store turned to look at him.

Jaena cocked an eyebrow from behind the bookstore cash register. Haechan froze as he wiped down tables, looking at Taeyong with wide eyes. A few customers shot them curious looks.

Johnny shrugged, ducking his head. “We ran into one of his classmates at the zoo. She got Taeil to confess about why he hit that boy.”

“And?”

“And… it was because he was going around the school telling the other kids that Mark was his dad and we were married. The other kid made some homophobic remarks about Mark and Taeil punched him.”

“Good on him.” Taeyong nodded.

Johnny shot him a glare and he chuckled, holding his hands up in a placating manner. Johnny shot him a glare, but his face fell quickly after that. Taeyong leaned forward.

“So, Taeil asked Mark if he wanted to marry you and?”

“And what?” Johnny asked, looking anywhere but at his friend.

“And what happened?”

“Nothing.” Johnny shrugged. “I distracted Taeil before Mark answered.”

“Aren’t you curious?” Taeyong asked, wiggling his eyebrows. “Why did you stop him?”

Johnny shot him a look. “I really don’t want to know.”

Taeyong frowned. “You’ve pined over this guy since the moment you laid eyes on him and now that you’ve got a chance to get him back, you don’t want to know the answer?”

“Getting him back and marrying him are on two entirely different parts of the timeline.” Johnny answered. “Right now, I’m just counting myself lucky that he still wants to be friends with me. We still have a lot of things to deal with before either of us considered marriage. If we even get that far.”

Taeyong sighed, the sound partly sad and partly wistful. “I think that you’re being too hard on yourself with all this, but… I understand where you’re coming from.”

Johnny quirked an eyebrow over another sip of his coffee. He might as well drink it before it gets cold. Taeyong was looking at his hands with a blush forming on his cheeks. Johnny leaned back as he tried to hold in his smirk. “I’m assuming that you’re talking about Yuta?”

Taeyong nodded, his smile turning shy.

This caught Johnny’s attention and he sat up with a devious grin on his face. “Oh come on, I haven’t seen that expression on your face since the day you sat on my mom’s fountain swing with me and told me that you had a crush on Yuta in the first place.”

Taeyong chuckled. “Yeah, meeting Yuta was the only good thing that happened during that time in my life.”

Johnny sighed. “I try my best not to think about that time.”

Taeyong nodded. “Understandable.”

Johnny waved his hand in dismissal of the situation. “Tell me about what’s happened then?”

Taeyong grinned and shrugged his shoulders. “So, I told you that Yuta is talking to me again?”

Johnny nodded.

Taeyong bounced in his seat. “He agreed to hang out with me yesterday. We went and got noodles and hung out at the park.”

“I’m guessing you had a good time, then?” Johnny chuckled.

He was happy for his friend. Taeyong had been put through the ringer during his life. He lived on the streets after his parents died, stealing noodles and selling drugs just to make enough money to buy more. That was how Johnny had originally met Taeyong. Johnny started working at the coffee shop where he had met Yuta and ended up introducing the two. Johnny had never seen anyone change so dramatically that quickly. Within a year, Taeyong was clean, he had found an apartment, he had even begged Johnny into convincing him to give him a job at the coffee shop. Johnny hadn’t known until Yuta broke up with DoYoung what had been going on, that he realized that this new change in Taeyong was, in fact, love.

Johnny wasn’t there for the fallout between Yuta and Taeyong. The parts he was there for, he was too drugged up himself to do anything more than help his friend make poor decisions. He was regretful of his actions during that time, and proud that Taeyong had been able to handle finding love so much better than Johnny had. Taeyong had made his life better for the meeting Yuta. Johnny had nearly ruined his and lost his life for it.

“Are you even listening to a word I’m saying?” Taeyong’s insistent poke at Johnny’s cheek brought his attention back to his friend.

Taeyong quirked an eyebrow at him with an amused expression on his face. Johnny grinned bashfully.

“I was just thinking.” Johnny muttered.

“About?”

“About how proud I am of you.”

Taeyong punched Johnny in the shoulder for the comment, shooting him a teasing glare. “Don’t be mushy.”

Johnny just pushed his hair out of his face and chuckled. “No, for real. You’ve come so far, changed your life so much for the better, and found someone you want to share that with.”

Taeyong’s expression softened. “I did, didn’t I?”

Johnny nodded. “I’m really happy that you’re working things out with Yuta, and I’m regretful that I couldn’t have been more supportive to you when everything went bad.”

“That wasn’t your fault, Johnny.” Taeyong’s smile turned into a frown at that. “No one could expect you to fix things for me when you were going through a lot yourself.”

“Still,” Johnny looked down at his hands. “When you found love, you made things better. When I found it, I destroyed everything around me.”

“I don’t think you’ve destroyed everything.” Taeyong shrugged. “I mean, things got really dicey there for a while, but look at you now. You’ve finished college, you run a company that you love, working with your best friends. You’re a wonderful father to your son. As for Mark, he’s the strongest most resilient person I’ve ever met. You may have knocked him down, but he got back up running. And from what I see, it looks like you guys are working out things for yourselves as well.”

Johnny couldn’t help but to smile at his friend’s remarks. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m just overthinking this all too much.”

Taeyong laughed. “Something like that.”

“So.” Johnny leaned forwards. “Enough about me, what were you saying about you and Yuta?”

“You weren’t listening.” Taeyong narrowed his eyes.

Johnny chuckled. “Tell me, come on.”

Taeyong shook his head, but good-naturedly repeated his story about having spent time with Yuta the day before and what all they did. This time, Johnny listened and was smiling as Taeyong wrapped up his story.

“I really think that I’ve got a chance to win him back, Johnny.” He was smiling, eyes wide and hopeful, when the front door opened and Yuta walked in.

Johnny and Taeyong turned to greet him as soon as they realized that he was there, but before either of them could even raise their arms to smile, Yuta pulled another person through the door with him. Johnny could see Taeyong visibly tense. The guy was indescribably attractive.

He was tall, thin yet muscular, with a strong jawline and silver hair styled up off his forehead. He was smiling at Yuta as they talked, moving his arms around dramatically. Johnny couldn’t tell what they were talking about, but as Yuta spotted them and began to approach, he was able to tell that the other man was decked out in expensive Gucci clothes.

“Johnny.” Yuta smiled, “Taeyong. Good morning.”

“Hey, Yuta.” Johnny greeted him, watching the boy behind him fall back a step. The stranger had ducked his head, but Johnny could feel eyes on him.

“Hi…” Taeyong’s voice had suddenly gone soft, a wavering hint of nervousness in his voice. “Yuta.”

Yuta glanced up at Taeyong, then turned to the stranger. “Jonginnie Hyung!” He called what Johnny assumed was the other man’s name. “This is Johnny, and this is Taeyong.”

Jongin looked up and met Johnny’s eyes, then turned his burning gaze on Taeyong. “I’ve heard a lot about the two of you. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Guys, this is Jongin.” Yuta smiled at them.

“It’s nice to meet you?” Johnny didn’t mean it like a question, even though it came out like that.

Jongin shifted on his feet, fiddling with the Rolex on his wrist nervously. “Is Mark not here yet?”

Yuta turned to the stranger like this wasn’t unusual and shrugged. “He must not be, but he said that he would be here, right?”

Jongin nodded. “Mark said that he would meet me here as soon as he finished work.” 

Yuta shrugged. “Then he’ll be here. Mark always keeps his promises. Besides, we both know he’s dying to see you.”

Jongin and Yuta both chuckled while Johnny and Taeyong shared a rather confused expression. It was clear on Taeyong’s face that he was surprised by this man’s sudden appearance and his familiarity with Yuta. Johnny couldn’t blame him. Who was this man, that Mark would have him meet him here of all places? A man that Mark had never mentioned to Johnny before?

“Do you know who he is?” Johnny leaned over to Taeyong as Yuta walked away with the strange man.

Taeyong shrugged. “I don’t know, but he looks kind of familiar.”


End file.
